#122917

The thing I hate most about myself is I use dates, holidays, places, really anything as a constant reminder for negative memories. Halloween used to be my favorite holiday. November 7th was just a normal day until this year. January 28th is a fucked up day. February 18, the entire month of fucking September. Man, I can never catch a break. I hate being reminded of shit I don’t want to remember but whenever I think I am okay, something comes along and reminds me. I hate Kroger. I can’t stand vodka. Airport highway, past Reynolds. A certain gas station. Damn, even my old place of work. Central, right next to tractor supply. Saint Luke’s. So many places have baggage attached to them. It’s like I am going through life with constant reminders of the shit that hurt me. How do people stop remembering? How do people not tie in bad memories with dates or places? Am I just too emotional? Am I too fucked up to be able to forget? Fuck. How do I forget? Will I ever be able to go to these places without feeling physically ill? Will I have to dread these days of the year, every year, for the rest of my life? I just want to forget.