#12.22

and also dean toward the end, tearily and carefully and painfully and delicately wandering through his own mother's subconscious, looking for the place she's holed herself up in. and explaining to her what it felt like to be raised as a parentified child in the chaos and tragedy of their family after her death. asking her to see him, to really see him. he's standing over the crib of his infant baby brother and his mother's version of who he was as a child is sitting at the kitchen table eating a pb&j. and dean is crying and his voice is soft and shaky and he's telling his mom that from the age of the imagined child behind them, he had to be more than a brother, he had to be a father and a mother.

and those are the two times in that episode that dean says the word "mother."

and he's perfect he's perfect he's perfect. he is the most character to ever happen. my love is too big for words.

the mill