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Aggressively Attempting to Read Here

It's Gil's father's birthday and I can't help but think about how people are really more blessed than others. 🥲

Can I even achieve this?

Life is lonely but peaceful. It's a little less lonely when you're right behind me in the office. It's a little more peaceful when you're rolling your cigarette. It's a little more lonely when you're leaving the room to go smoke it.

I'm trying really hard not to fall in love with the sound of your fingers rolling the paper. I'm trying really hard not to fall in love with your soft smile. I cannot help but look forward to the moment you enter the room, to the moment you're turning in your chair to look at me when I say your name. I don't want to fall for an idea, I'm trying to not make you up. You're a stranger but you don't feel like one. The way your name rolls off my tongue feels too familiar. I don't want more than seeing you smile at me again next week, no matter if it’s followed by “good morning” or “see you tomorrow” or “see you next week”. And I wonder if that's already too much to want. I'm not detached. I have never truly been. I have always craved connection, intimacy, familiarity, more than anything. I am still learning that these feelings are not only found in romantic relationships. Contentment can also be to sit in the office under the roof, with open windows, rain falling, your favorite co-worker standing up right behind you to watch the rain out of the window. Doesn't sharing a connection always mean more than how long it will last?