#102216

I don't know what I'm doing, who I am, or what I'm going to do. I do know that I am a planner. I plan everything. I love the comfort of routine. It's so safe and warm. If things don't go to plan it knocks me on my ass. So now that my plan for my LIFE has gone astray I am currently on my ass. My ass is bruised. I am embarrassed, I am sad, and I am lost. I am going to be alright. So what do I do from here? I've got a new job although it may be triggering it will be okay. It's not like I haven't been ignoring and trying to make it on my own with her around most of my life right? This is nothing new. This is old. I've got some new friends with whom I feel really good with. I may start a new hobby that I have ALWAYS wanted to do. I will have money to start said hobby and get out of debt. I can start doing the things I used to fake hate before she was around. I'm a lot tougher this time. I have a few things I'd like to work on like my eating habits, my inner peace and just general anxiety. Which I can focus on since I'm not focusing on tiptoeing around things. I've learned a whole lot and I feel pretty strong this time. After that crazy dream (3 babies) last night I kind of feel like that was a "a Christmas carol" moment. I was shown what it would have been like if I would've known or if things would have been different. I don't know where it came from but I do think it was a sign. I can do this. I've got a new plan and a new dream.