#100oddities

Session 58

“A prescription won’t solve anything, go on.”

"Yea, well. Then there were two glowing eyes, arranging my cluttered apartment- they were shadow figures... In the distance, the Millennium Tower sank completely and exploded into a huge ball of fire...Once the smoke cleared, a reptilian bird flew out of the ashes and devoured all survivors."

“Then what happened-you've got 5 minutes.”

"...I step outside for a smoke and across the street, is an Arab man, in a van- he was menacing-like that Orson Welles movie…what are you doing?"

"Just close your eyes."

"I can't breathe."

The Bitter Comedian

    I've been walking down Wilshire for some time now. I came to meet a potential room mate near Korea Town but I'm not even sure I want to live in Los Angeles; there’s shit smeared every where on the floor-landmines displaced by the homeless. I try to imagine myself in an epic battle, but my mental capacity for such romantic thoughts are fleeting.

I'm just feeling dejected. Maybe I'll take the bus.

"When I become President, I’ll place butt wipes in every public bathroom," declared a homeless man.

Picasso Blue

“Fucking queers.” Todd looked at Karen. They both shrugged their shoulders. They’re currently in a hospice visiting their mother. “Fucking queers.” ‘He must be talking to us, right?’ Todd asked. ‘I have no fucking clue,’ Karen answered. “Damn you all.” ‘Is it bad, I want to laugh? He just called that couple with a baby queers,’ Todd said. ‘Let’s gets coffee.’ Karen said.

Rent-O-Cop Chisme

“Did meaningful, life changing occurrences ever happen to you in the summers? Mine always happened in the summer."

“What ch'you mean?”

“Like when you go to camp, you meet a girl, ya know, some Wonder Years shit.”

“Oh, like when I smoked my first cigar in the 5th grade, or when I used a frozen wiener as a dildo for that Asian flow.”

"Kick back."

"Hahahaha!"

“Oh snap, check it out, it’s the creeper.”

"Who?"

“Wilsons got surveillance of a homeless man leaving his apartment...and he paid him!”

“So...”

“Isn’t obvious?…homie got his dick sucked."

Rusty Cogs

“Sex is a weird.” “What? Sex with me?” she asked. “No, not with you, I mean in general.” “Explain.” “Well…its two bodies, stacked up on top of each other, rubbing, creating friction, getting all sweaty— ” “Um—” she was trying to interrupt. “Like two hippos, emanating moans that sound like we’re trying to carry a baby grand piano up a flight of stairs--” “I guess…I don’t want to be late for work,” she said. “...Let's split an UBER!” "I'd rather walk."

They parted ways.

The Ballad Of A Bird

Alter Boy Confessions

    Dorothy is a woman with a small pinkie. I noticed this when she came up for communion some years ago. She mostly kept to herself but, on this particular day of eaves dropping, she was expressing her frustration to Father McKenna in confession.

   “Something’s wrong with me Father, right?” she said. “Almost every women I’ve been with, turns straight.” 

Das Racist

   Its late afternoon, I’m skating to the Gutter to meet a cousin that wants to check out a scar I got while running from the cops for illegally skating on private property; I got away with a huge gash over my eyebrow.