#100fic

They remain in companionable silence for so long the sun begins to rise.

More times than she can count, she resists the urge to just ask him to leave with her. Run away and leave it all behind. Each time, she remembers how much the others need them both, and she cannot find it in her to be that selfish.

But she wants to be.

-x-

Clarke wanted to walk away after what she did in Mt. Weather, but seeing her people suffering, and having Bellamy by her side makes her hesitate just long enough to think about it.

I bear it so they don’t have to.

She thinks about what Dante told her that night, and she wants to believe it, but she can see in the eyes of her people—Jasper, and Bellamy, and Monty most especially—that they also bear the burden already. Leaving wouldn’t change that. So she stays, and she tries to heal with all of them.

“Do you think we deserve happiness after what we did?” she whispers brokenly one night as she lays beside Bellamy. She spends most nights in his room, because being alone brings back the memories more acutely. At least beside him, she feels stronger when she faces them.

He has an arm around her waist and his chin rests on top of her head. She feels comfort in the feel of his breathing moving the hair on top of her head and his chest pushing against her back.

“I have to believe it’s possible,” he says softly, and she loves the rumble of his chest as he speaks. “I have to believe that we are better than the worst decisions we make.”

-x-

Roan had walked out of the long abandoned subway station some time ago, leaving Clarke tied to one of the pillars. She tried to escape for awhile, but fount she couldn’t, so she had chosen to stay still. Conserve her strength to fight him off later.

She heard the rustle of leaves and the crackle of feet against rocks, and found herself tensing, readying herself for what would come next, but instead of Roan standing in front of her, Clarke tilts her head up and finds Bellamy crouched down next to her.

“Bellamy,” she murmurs through the gag.

“I’ll get you out of here,” he says and he pulls down the gag. “I’ll take you home.”

“Hurry,” she says now that she can talk. She doesn’t know how long they have until Roan comes back. He makes quick work of her binds and helps her stand, and the two of them exit the underground station, keeping low to the ground and out of sight as they make their way back toward Monty, Kane, and Pike.

Clarke is hesitant to go back, but she does miss them—miss Bellamy—and it seems that it is time. With Bellamy by her side, she thinks she can finally begin to face down her demons.

-x-

They wait until the last possible second, and Clarke races back to Becca’s lab as quick as she can, and she makes it just in time. Bellamy’s relieved sigh as he runs to her and helps get her into the small ship centers her. She can barely breathe and can hardly focus as Bellamy helps her sit and buckles her in beside Harper.

“I almost didn’t make it,” she finds herself saying to Bellamy as they wait for Raven to get the doors to the Ark open.

“I’m glad you did,” Bellamy says back, grabbing her hand and giving it a squeeze. She gives him a tremulous smile as they wait with anticipation, the air in their tanks dwindling.

She listens to Murphy and Emori comparing how much air they each have. “At least I won’t have to watch you die,” he says about having less air.

Clarke wonders how much air Bellamy has. Is it less than her thirteen percent? Could she watch him die?

-x-

Monty and Harper wake Clarke and Bellamy first. They have a young child with them, he looks to be about seven years old, if Clarke was to guess. Bellamy and Clarke give their friends—who are now a full decade older than they were when they last saw them—long hugs that result in happy tears, and they introduce their son, Jordan, who seems in awe of them. Clarke’s heart twinges at the mention of their lost friend, but she thinks the name fits the young boy well, she can see the playful mischievousness in him already.

“Do we get to go back home?” Bellamy asks hopefully as they move their reunion to the bridge after some time.

“We’ve been tracking the progress of things from up here as best we can, and it took nearly four years before we saw any green at all. Once it started, though, it really took off,” Monty says with a wide grin, causing hope to bloom in Clarke’s chest.

Harper allows young Jordan to be the one to push the button that opens the windows of the ship, and Bellamy and Clarke stand next to each other, holding each other close as they look out to Earth, green and thriving below them.

“We can go home,” Clarke whispers, tears in her eyes.

-x-

Her heart pounds loudly in her chest, and the beeping on the monitor runs wild. Clarke launches herself into Bellamy’s embrace. Relief like she has never known passes through her whole body as his strong arms hold tight around her. She has never been more thankful to be alive—to be real—than in this moment.

“The head and the heart,” she whispers against his neck, and she feels him nod in response. She breathes deeply as she trembles, and she finds comfort in the fact that somehow, despite more than one hundred years and multiple planets, he still somehow smells like home to her.

Clarke does not know how to let him go, to detangle herself from him. She does not know how to articulate to him that his voice—his heart—brought her back to life.

She does not know how to tell him that he holds her heart.

-x-

Echo goes with Octavia and Gabriel to check on the anomaly, but Bellamy had decided to stay back with Clarke and the rest of them to help with the transition of the Sanctum citizens after everything that happened. Clarke is privately thankful to have his help, because his natural authority seems to go a long way in keeping order and restoring peace.

There is something so right about sitting next to him on a blanket outside of a beautiful house with their friends as they all decompress. They all try to keep the mood light, and for the most part, they succeed, but it’s difficult.

Clarke catches Bellamy’s eyes drift in the direction of Gabriel’s camp. She grabs hold of his hand and squeezes, offering him a smile.

“I know it hasn’t been that long,” he says, his voice gravely and hoarse from the night of fighting. “I just feel like something isn’t right.”

“If they’re not back by tomorrow, we’ll go after them,” Clarke assures him. “Together.”

-x-

She wakes in the night and knows something is wrong. It’s her time. There is no one to inform, or ask for help. She’s been alone for longer now than she had been with Madi in Shallow Valley many years before. She isn’t sad to be leaving this place she and her small group of friends finally made their home.

She is ready to move on. To be with him again.

As Clarke takes her last few breaths, she finds herself hoping that wherever human souls go, Bellamy’s soul is there to greet her when she arrives.

She closes her eyes one last time, a smile on her face.

-x-

Later, she doesn’t find anything strange about Bellamy coming in after dark with some rations for the both of them. She often forgets to eat, and he often brings her food. They’ve done this enough times now that Clarke’s already getting their space cleared in the corner as soon as she sees him with the tray.

He tells her about his day. “Miller nearly blew up on Tanner for forgetting his shift this morning, and Jasper’s been nervous all day.”

Clarke smiles. “You’ve scheduled Miller on a lot of late night watches, he’s probably getting sick of the strange sleep schedule,” she comments.

Bellamy shrugs. “I think he likes the dark,” he says then adds with a small knowing smile, “and, anyways, Harper’s always keeping him company up there.” Clarke’s eyes widen as she stares at him. His smile widens as his small smile breaks into a wide grin. "Monty too. Together sometimes."

Clarke's more amused by Bellamy knowing this gossip. She shrugs at sips at the moonshine he brought her. “Is that why she was so tired during her lesson with me today?”

And so it continues. There still aren’t a lot of them at camp—a newly established settlement away from the Ark, back at the dropship site—after more than a year apart, so Clarke isn’t always treating patients in medical. She has, however, taken to giving lessons to their residents for most minor injuries and their remedies on hand so she isn’t inundated with the small things all of the time.

Similarly, Bellamy and Octavia (with Lincoln every now and then) have held individual training courses to make sure all of the camp residents can defend themselves.

-x-

After Bellamy leaves, it’s Octavia who gets Clarke wondering. “Apparently Bellamy’s been spreading stories of Old World traditions again,” she comments when she comes into medical with new rations gathered from her group’s scouting expedition. “Jasper’s been fretting all day about what to present Maya for Valentine’s Day, and Miller’s taken Harper who knows where, not to mention what Fox and Newt are up to behind the smokehouse.”

“Valentine’s Day? The love holiday from Before with all the hearts and flowers?” Clarke’s a little confused, even as Octavia nods.

They didn’t celebrate holidays on the Ark. Well, maybe they did at first, when there were gifts to be made and time to be spent on such things, but that only lasted about thirty years, then things changed. And from what Clarke’s been told, the Grounders don’t keep the Old World holidays. They have their own now.

Octavia shrugs. “Well, to be fair, he was speaking of some old Roman saint and the beginnings of the holiday, but you can probably guess what part the rest of them were more interested.” She twirls a yellow flower in her hands. “I think Lincoln heard enough of it to believe I want to be involved some how in this madness.”

Clarke’s grabbing paper and pencil and taking inventory of their new stock. “Well, do you?” she asks.

“I don’t know,” Octavia replies. “I mean, I want him to tell me or show me that he loves me, but I don’t want it to be for some stupid Old World tradition based on a facts no one even remembers anymore except for my stupid brother who knows everything Roman.”

Clarke smiles fondly. She’s heard a lot of Bellamy’s stories, too, after all. “You could tell Lincoln that,” she says to Octavia, “or you could do something to show him how much he means to you—something all your own.”

“That’s a good idea, Clarke,” Octavia responds.

Clarke nods, focusing on the inventory in front of her, looking for the plant Octavia mentioned when she came in. “Now, where did you tell me the—” she cuts herself off as she turns around, noticing that she’s the only one in the room.

-x-

Much later, as most of the camp residents find their tents to sleep, she returns to her tent to retrieve one of her furs. Sitting amongst her bed furs lies one she does not recognize. Clarke walks over to it curiously and picks it up. It’s a shawl, she notes with a smile. As she inspects it more closely, she begins to recognize the animal it was made from. Bellamy’s prized kill the other week. A rather large big cat, they all thought at the time, with a strangely dark brown fur. No one could quite decide what animal from Before it was closest to.

She picks it up, wraps it around herself, and walks over to the large fire still burning outside. She smiles when she sees Harper, Miller, and Monty looking cozy together as well as Jasper and Maya off to the side curled into each other. Things must have turned out alright for them, she notes. She also can’t find Octavia anywhere, so that must be going well, too.

Clarke sits beside Bellamy, like she always does, and studies him closely. There's something more intimate in his eyes when he looks at her lately. His concentrated expression holds steady for over a minute before he smiles down at her. “Enjoying the warmth, Princess?” he asks loudly.

Clarke barely has to look around to see the smiles directed at the two of them. Perhaps she should have pieced it together long ago—the rest of camp seems to have figured it out long before her.

Finally, she nods as she leans against him. “How long have you been working on it?” she asks.

“’Bout a week now, ever since I told them the story of Valentinus. It got me thinking.”

“I didn’t get you anything,” Clarke murmurs.

“That was never my intention. I just wanted you to have this. You needed it, and this seemed like a good occasion—something for them all to look forward to.”

“And the flowers?” Clarke asks pointedly.

Bellamy shrugs. It’s dark enough that without the fire, she wouldn’t have been able to see the slight tinge on his face. “Thought you’d like them.”

Clarke nods. “I did. They were very beautiful.”

-x-

The next morning, she rolls over and stares at him. “What about lunch?” she asks.

“What about what?” He seems confused. Clarke figures it’s all the activity they participated in last night when they were alone.

She kisses him. “You took me lunch yesterday. How did that factor into your plan?”

“Who says it did? Maybe I just wanted to eat with you.”

Clarke stares down at him.

Finally, he cracks. “Monty was experimenting; there was cocoa in the moonshine.”

Clarke’s laugh can be heard by all.

Bellamy knows it’s a disaster waiting to happen, but he doesn’t want to spend another holiday without her, so he agrees.

Their apartment is small, but they make it work. Clarke invites her family, and Bellamy of course invites his sister and Lincoln. Octavia invites all her friends, as well as Bellamy’s and Clarke’s, and by the time everything is said and done, the guest list is hovering just under 20.

Clarke is nervous about introducing Bellamy to her family, and Bellamy is nervous about having this many people in his home at one time. Bellamy gave every one of their friends a stern talking to before they walked through the door, and everyone tries their best to behave, but the event is not without its hiccups.

Jasper clogs the toilet, which Raven then fixes (and then jokingly complains about all evening). Monty was talked into bringing his latest alcoholic concoction. “It’s got eggnog as a base, Bellamy,” Jasper had pleaded Monty’s case. “It’s festive!” Bellamy regrets allowing it.

Miller pathetically attempts to flirt with Monty, and Monty notices but is still to shy to actually say he’s interested. Bellamy and Octavia argue over whose Christmas cookies are the best. Harper and Zoe Monroe keep feeding Raven Monty’s Eggnog Surprise, and giggling at her rants about work at the shop and her stupid customers.

Some things work out well, however. Marcus, the Governor of Connecticut, is very interested in Bellamy’s job as a police officer, and Abby is just happy that her daughter is happy. “He clearly loves you very much,” she says to Clarke when they’re cleaning up in the kitchen after the chaotic meal.

Clarke smiles. “Yeah,” she says. “And I love him.”