#1.23.22

Briana via Tammi’s IG story | January 1, 2023

you texted me after the end of your rebound

i became a rebound to a rebound 

i showed you willshire, you showed me mania

“i always have a person”

i think i’m that person 

i think you’re that person 

so we became each other’s people until 5am for five nights

Night One:

sitting in your car in the parking lot of mel’s diner,

you brought your hands to my neck 

to see if my necklace was fastened 

first rush.

five cups of coffee 

i had to pee 

break up, break in

Night Two:

coffee, basa nova, i waited one more song before retrieving my coat

[blank] facetimed me rolling a joint

i pushed the camera over to you and you pushed it back 

work, yellow curry, just a car– allowed to spill

[blank 2] left us to our own devices 

spotify, soundcloud, your thoughts to his songs

anonymous because you like it that way 

politics, classical music

piano.

country?

you get out of the car to hug me goodbye 

foggy ride home; the two hills of the bridge were invisible until i was under them

just a rebound to a rebound. 

Night Three:

i told you 8pm, i came late

you bought me a drink

[blank 3] put his hand on my back and monkeyed around the stage,

you filmed the drums,

i got drunk

you touched my knee 

then you moved your hand away 

second rush.

we stumbled to the park 

“drink”

“oh i didn’t even realize, it’s been so normalized. 

i said that too loud”

[blank 4]: “lucy, do you need a ride home?”

“no, you got me” 

[blank 3]: “oh, you got her”

no one heard

we went to the apartment and couldn’t figure out the tv

i played music on a shitty speaker 

i had to pee 

the first time you went to the bathroom, i heard you peeing 

i wasn’t intentionally listening 

i told you i drink water before i pee

you thought that was really interesting 

went to the bathroom, heard myself peeing, came back out

waited another hour to go again 

i asked if you had ever felt attached to a piece of a room, the way i was to the broken light switch. 

like if it wasn’t there, nothing would be real.

you said there was a poster in her room when it was ending but you didn’t remember what was on it

you said we could write a book but it would only make sense to us

“i could have driven home”

“you can” 

i didn’t.

“we’ve gotten to know each other more in the last 3 days than i did with her in 3 months”

you went into the other room and left to go to target in the morning 

you got me a toothbrush and a towel 

even though you left cigarettes, coins and your lighter,

i left the sheets folded nicely the way they were before

self help books on top

you were going to get me coffee but it was too soon. 

Night Four:

i drove into the left lane, you were on my right

i rolled down my window

sunglasses, i turned the music up 

light exhibit, my right shoulder against your left

neither of us moved

we walked from the asian art museum to dolores park,

alternating decisions

mint mojito

more country, drums, work, road trip, camping

you asked me about sex-

like you wanted to fuck me.

Night Five:

i drove to san jose and you promised me dinner

your roommates were giddy

i stared at the fish tank

anxious, anxious, anxious 

two more drinks: moscow mules

you put your arm around me and rubbed circles around my back 

third rush. 

“i care about you in the way you want to be cared for: never static”

you change tenses when you write

“i had a dream that i died but when i was reborn being a baby sucked so bad i didn’t even care that i died”

i carried my second drink back to your room

“then let’s go with the flow”

dick, hands, mouth

you kissed me softly,

hands through the night and into the morning 

“i like mirrors”

“yeah, i was just looking at your face the whole time”

rebound to a rebound.

lexapro, cum, fingers

rebound to a rebound. 

maybe.

you kissed me goodbye and my lips tasted like coffee 

“i’ll see you...sometime”