#0x2

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Perry: Wait!  You can’t just go around assigning blame all willy-nilly!  That’s not fair!  And really terrible Karma

(Or should that be Carma? ;-))

Carmilla (removing her sunglasses, and scoffing): Do I look like I care?  That Zeta’s little Foghorn Leghorn act and subsequent coma is embarrassing for the Dean.  Which means that I am now stuck here with you two children until she has someone to blame.

Mel: Wait, but we didn’t do anything

Carmilla: Well, someone did something and who’s to say it wasn’t one of you?

Perry: But ... you’re ... here to investigate what happened to that Zeta!  (Carmilla scoffs at her) And ... investigate!  You should do that!

Carmilla: Okay.  If you guys aren’t going to pick, then I guess we can just draw straws.  OR I could see whose fingers take the longest to break!

Perry (standing up in alarm): Uhh ... uh, the Dean!  The Dean!  Umm ... what if you blame the wrong one of us and then something else happens?  That would make the Dean very angry, right?  Right?

Carmila: Yes!  Okay, fine.  We’ll investigate.  But you two idiots are doing the legwork.

Mel (laughing nervously): Wow.  You know, if the universe sent her to help you, I don’t think the universe likes you very much (Carmilla glares at her) Sorry

Carmilla opens up her laptop

Carmilla: Okay.  Meet our star witness.

Video from the laptop comes up.  We see Kirsch in a strange red robe, in some kind of dungeon-looking room which is also filled with Kotex products.

Kirsch: Hey, hotties.  Have they told you when they’re letting us out of here?  Because there’s supposed to be this pie innards eating contest, and I -

Carmilla (interrupting): That’s enough, manmeat!  I need you to tell Lucy and Ethel over here your tale of woe.

Kirsch: Totally, angry hottie.  So Bash, y'know, the guy who went all “bkaw!”, and I were at the swim team party.  Scamming, as you do.  And Bash sees Glasses over there, and maybe Bash thinks he's got a shot with the shy one

Perry: Wait. Wait, you were talking with him before the weird started happening?

Mel: No!  I mean, I wouldn’t exactly call it talking!

Kirsch: Oh come on!  Bash was bringing you his A-game!  He was all like, uh, “are you always this hot?” or, um, “I really like your hair”.  And, y’know, Glasses was all “Please leave me alone”, but you could tell she kind of wanted to flirt a bit.

Mel: No!  I was trying to get away from him!

Kirsch: And so she’s running, and Bash is following her around the pool, and they crash into curly hottie over by the buffet.  Cupcakes and jello everywhere!  But then there was like, this weird noise, like kids singing really high?  And there was this spooky green light around them, and Bash starts spouting these witchy-like words like “The Moon Blood has vanished” or wait, was it, um, “She will harness the power of the Eternal Cycle” and, then, then so, so Bash goes - [Carmila slams the laptop shut, his muffled voice can still be heard] Hey!  Uncool!

Perry: Did you hear him?  The singing?  The light?  The ... the Cycle?  Oh, that sounds ... mystical!

Carmilla: Yeah, well, “spooky monsters did it” isn’t exactly an excuse that’ll fly at Silas.   It would be simpler and marginally less gruesome if we just let the Dean expel one of you

Perry: Oh!  N-No!  No!  (hurries over to Carmilla) Don’t you see?  This isn’t just about doing the right thing!  This is our chance to see the Otherworld!  (Mel gets up and starts counting the Kotex boxes) I mean, whatever did this, it’s probably misunderstood.  Or it needs our help.  Or it’s trying to warn us!  (she pats Carmilla’s shoulder; Carmilla looks very annoyed) And if we figure out how to help it, then we’ll be invited to experience a whole new reality!

Carmilla: My God.  You really did drink the Kool-Aid didn’t you?  Okay.  Fine.  I will give you one hour to prove some “thing” did it.  But after that, we draw straws.  And if it turns out that you wasted my time, I’m definitely still breaking fingers.

Mel: Umm ... (clears throat) There’s, like, months worth of, of pads and tampons in here.  And I saw some at the Shunned House before too?  And that guy Bash said, and I quote, “The Moon Blood has vanished” (gestures in the area of her abdomen, gesturing motion away from it).  So, do you think maybe what happened to him at the party might be connected to the whole ... y’know, Redwing Migration? (she continues with gestures, and the camera zooms in a bit closer with each euphemism she uses)  Right?  The, the, the, the disappearance of Auntie Flo?  The fact that there are no beets in this here salad?  No tomatoes on the taco?  No ketchup on the hamburger?  Do you need me to keep going, cause I can keep going?

The video footage fades out and we return to Laura and Carmilla.  Laura’s looking shocked, with a nacho chip in her hand.  Carmilla’s looking a bit embarrassed

Laura: “Never been in this room before”, hunh?

Carmilla: Well ... now that you have some video proof, I may recall having been here like once before ...

Laura (mildly annoyed): Oh, you are so holding out on me!  Well, what happened next?  You ... didn’t break Perry’s fingers, did you? (Carmilla doesn’t respond verbally, but her reaction makes it pretty clear that the answer is yes)  I can’t believe you just locked up and interrogated students

Carmilla: Hey, “evil university” ring a bell?  That is on page three of your student handbook.

Laura: Yes, the student handbook.  Which I totally read and did not use as a doorstop.  Oh, come on!  That thing is like 700 pages.  So are you really going to keep being all Woman of Mystery and not tell me what’s going on?  Is it a curse?  Did Mel curse that guy?  Or are the Zetas up to something creepy again?  (Laura grabs some kind of fake [hopefully] eyeballs and holds them up to her own) Or is it some kind of terrifying chicken demon? Bawk!

Carmilla: “Chicken demon”?

Laura (laughing): Okay, not my best guess ever.  Please?

Carmilla: You say this now, but you’re not going to like what you find out. (Laura shrugs) Okay.  Let’s get this over with.  (Carmilla pushes play on the remote, and the episode ends)