#081517

just came here to say i had my first Pap smear today and it was awful and worse than i expected and i’m deleting my uterus

I smoked again for the first time in a long time. I haven't felt this relaxed and carefree in a while~

i guess im dumber than i thought . sigh . i just wanna be able to be happy and love and get these violent thoughts outta my head . the depression inside feels real as my lungs . and perhaps if i took a knife i could slit open my chest and let it slide out of me . and it would lift me up and i would be able to feel happy and spread joy .

I started to force myself not to sleep on my face and I started using my face brush again. Hopefully I'll see improvement in my skin.. Also I realized that I still am a perfectionist, even though I thought I got rid of that a long time ago. I set my standards too high and just disappoint myself in the end. Hopefully after realizing, I can do something about it and learn to love myself.