#08.05.2015

‘Almost Lover’

cold summer  night under the sky of glowing stars lying in each others arms feeling the melancholic sound of the sea

i remember all the sweet lies that you said i remember how much you cared i remember your cold voice when you sing and i remember how broke i am when you left me with unsaid things

and as you open your mouth to confess that you love someone else, i can feel my heart shattered into pieces and the waterfall in my eyes

but my love i can be the greatest pretender for you not to feel the awkwardness i can also be that stupid girl for us not to be over

though as we go to this familiar building i know our limited time is over but as you kiss me so magically i can tell that you'll leave me again, hurting..

To me, birthdays are the time to reflect back to what I’ve achieved from my last birthday. It’s probably because my parents never really make a big deal birthdays in our house. We just buy birthday cake, give birthday wishes and do things like normal days. and today, me turning 20, is no different. My mom even forgot to buy birthday cake, she only lighted up one candle you usually use when the power is out and that’t it.

Back to reflecting what I have achieved this year, I actually a bit disappointed. Up until now, I still haven’t figured out what my true passion is. I followed Casey Neistat’s advice by keep doing things so I can figure out what my passion is but so far all I can do is just doing school stuff, I don’t have enough time to explore new things. I’m not complaining, well i tried to not complaining, because I know it’s too late for me to change my major (the extreme example). And I have to be honest that watching Casey’s vlog is actually keeping me sane. He gives good advices that sometimes my parents just can’t do (my parents are super awesome i love them, but sometimes they put so much pressure on me on being a perfect doctor and they don’t understand little dreams that I didn’t even bother to share to them).

Travelling is still my goal. Probably the only thing I am sure I want to do. This year I eager to go abroad and the result is I’m still nowhere near of the word “abroad”. it’s sad (I made a post about this before), but maybe from now on I will try to focus on one thing at a time. It’s always been my main problem that I cannot focus on one thing. I thought I am a multitasking kind of person but apparently I am not. so I hope that for years to come I can be more focus on things I care about, things that are matter, things that are important.

Lastly, being 20 is like a huge step for me. It’s time to prove my worth in this world. It’s time to stop thinking about unimportant stuff behind. It might be scary since I am scared of the future but I hope that next year I can look back at myself right now and not being disappointed. the last hope for myself is as I grow older, may I go wiser.