I don't know why of all days, I was extremely sad today because I miss Xander. No doubt, I think and miss him all the time and I've gotten used to not seeing him. But today in particular was difficult to go through and I don't know why. I guess my dream of him didn't help. It reminded me of all the important milestones that I missed. His first sentence, when he finally learned to go on his own, falling asleep on his own without aid, when he first said star wars. Just little things. I fucking missed all of it. And it's my fault. Xander, I'm so sorry I left you. I'm so sorry I wasn't there to cheer you on whenever you felt like sharing an accomplishment. I'm so sorry that I am so selfish with you. I'm so sorry that I can't let you go. I'm so sorry I couldn't just stay. Your mommy gave me a picture of you a while ago. You've grown so handsome with the biggest and best smile I've ever seen. Every day I look at it and wonder how your day is going. I miss you so much, Bubs. I love you so much. I hope you're doing amazing. I will always be here with open arms. PS. I hope your mommy is teaching you the right Star Wars information lol. Remember, Han shot first. Any other argument is invalid.
