#05.28.2019

I'm still haunted by the thought that, had I given Rooney his meds any sooner or later than I did, I would have found him passed away that night or the next morning. And it's an painful thought I cannot shake, and the thought of it happening to Canon has terrified me daily for the last five months.

I know people near and far who have unexpectedly found their dog's lifeless body from natural causes all the way to trauma. And I'm not sure which is more heartbreaking, suddenly losing a pet that way...or knowing the pet died alone.

[continued in the tags] #it scares me so much guys #to the point i don’t want to sleep at times #i’m even scared to feed canon at times #i’m so much more paranoid about bloat #and i was already cautious #i’d die if anything happened to canon or patches right now

This past month, that has faded a good bit. I believe writing it helped get it out of my mind, as I had told no one. Rooney’s bloat was because of his worsening anxiety, I keep reminding myself of that, but Canon’s breed strikes fear in me - so much so that long before what happened to Rooney, I had already started looking into gastropexies.