#05-15

Egészen addig nem hiszed el, hogy létezik narcisztikus forgatókönyv, amíg nem látod legalább kétszer. A második ismétlődésnél csak fura dezsavű érzésed van, a harmadiknál már az, hogy: nem-hiszem-el-ez-tényleg-létezik!

A narcisztikusnak szüksége van forrásokra. Elsődleges forrásra és másodlagosra, biztosítékokra, hogy ha átmenetileg vagy végleg megszűnne a figyelem és a rajongás az irányába, (vagy gyűlölet, neki mindegy), akkor legyen mihez nyúlni. Mindig több vasat tart a tűzbe, de ezek nem nyílt dolgok. (aki nem járatos a témában, azoknak mondom, hogy az emberek nyíltak a kapcsolataik, barátságaik, emberi viszonyaik tekintetében. Szívesen felvállalják, megnevezik, egyértelműek és őszinték. A narcisztikus titkolózik, kavar, összeugraszt, elbizonytalanít, de ezekben a dolgokban te leszel a hülye, mert ő megindokolja, megmagyarázza, hogy miért van igaza. Mindig igaza lesz, mert logikus, és mert ismeri a gyenge pontjaidat.)

A vágy A narcisztikus horgokat dob be. Egyes kutatók azt mondják, hogy az erős, érdekes emberekre vadászik, mert őket "tönkretenni" élvezetesebb, erőteljesebb és hosszabb ideig ad izgalmat, de más kutatók szerint elsősorban az empatikus emberek vannak veszélyben mert ők könnyebben manipulálhatók. (itt mindenki felhörren, hogy na, ő nem! De ez a baj, hogy azt gondoljuk, hogy nem. Pedig de. Manipulálhatóak vagyunk.) A vágy: neki hogy hiányzik az életéből vagy a jelenlegi párkapcsolatából valami. A gyengédség, a csókolózás, az ölelés, összebújás, amikor megkenik egymásnak a reggeli vajaskenyeret, stb, stb. Sosem a szex. Az túl konkrét és nem a megfelelő emberek akadnak a horogra.

A segítő Azért lenne jó, ha Valaki (valójában neked szól) lenne neki, mert akkor támogatná őt, megtenné neki, kvázi segítene rajta/neki. Ez már kicsit célzottabban támadja a jószándékú, segítőkész embereket. Ha lenne valakim, akkor könnyebben emelnénk együtt a lófaszt a magasba. Vagy ő biztos segítene kontroll alatt tartani "valami tevékenység"-et.

A magány Egyedül fogok megdögleni. Már megírtam a végrendeletem, úgy sem lesz soha senkim. Ha infarktust kapnék, azért döglenék meg, mert senki nem keresne napokig. Én nem beszélek, beszélgetek senkivel Nincsenek barátaim. Nincs senkim.

Ezzel a három dologgal már biztosan van kapása. Érzelem és feladat, az összes empatikus megmentő már horogra is akadt, már csak a válogatás jön.

A narcisztikus nagyon jó emberismerő De nem úgy, ahogy mások, az ő fejében egy exceltábla van, amin kizárólag a gyenge pontjaid és a hibáid vannak felsorolva.

Szerelembombázás Érezni fogod az egymásra hangoltságot, az elismerést, a megerősítést. Nagyszerűek, okosnak, kivételesnek fogod érezni magad. Soha senki nem értette meg őt úgy, ahogy te. Sajnos az exe egy hülye/őrült. (aki ezt csinálta meg azt – ezzel bebiztosítva, hogy ezeket soha ne tedd/ne várd, akkor se, ha ezek amúgy alap dolgok).

Leértékelés Na, azért álljon meg a fáklyásmenet! Ő azért okosabb, ezt azért tudd, azért te ezt meg azt sem csinálod jól. Csak azért mondja, hogy fejlődj. Még olyan szakmai dolgokban is leértékel, amit évtizedek óta tanulsz/művelsz. Amiben korábban akár tanácsot kért tőled vagy elismerte a nagyszerűségedet. Lehobbizza, devalválja az összes tevékenységedet a cipőkötéstől a freskófestésig. Mindent.

Morzsázás Én összezavarásnak neveztem eddig, de a morzsázás nagyon jó kifejezés. Időszakos megerősítés a szakmai megnevezése. Random kapsz dicséretet/megerősítést és ezzel függővé tesz. Mert a szerelembombázás alatt az égben jártál, a leértékelés alatt a pokolban és a morzsázás alatt az életedet kitölti, hogy valahogy visszakerülj a szerelembombázás eufórikus állapotába, és mintha ennek az útját jelölné ki, amikor dob valami érzelmi alamizsnát. Majd mindjárt jó lesz... így kell csinálni, és akkor jó lesz minden. De ugyanaz a dolog két nap múlva felháborodást, hisztit kelt. Ugyanaz a dolog. Amikor ki akarsz szállni, dob egy nagyobb morzsát.

Hitegetés A morzsázással párban a hitegetés megerősít abban, hogy van mire várni, csak alkalmazkodnod, változnod kell, és akkor majd lesz minden. Elviszlek ide meg oda, majd együtt ezt meg azt csináljuk, jó lenne majd..., csak veled tenném/csinálnám, most nincs időm, de majd... Ha rajongsz a búvárkodásért, akkor a körül forog a hitegetés. Ha lószart gyűjtesz vödörbe, akkor a körül. Mintha egy közös álom valósulna meg, majd hamarosan.... Csakhát, soha. De te ezt nem tudod. (eldobás és hoovering (visszaporszívózás) ezt most nem fejtem ki, annyit csak, hogy a narcisztikus addig rángat, amíg el nem vágsz minden kapcsolatot vele. Mert minden kapcsolatát örökre használja a céljaira)

Ha látod is a forgatókönyvet, akár ismered az áldozatot, ne szólj neki. Ott, ahol ő van, amiben ő van, ott nincs értelem. Nem hinne neked. Csak azt bizonyítanád, hogy az exe egy őrült. Minden tetted bizonyítja az igazát. MIND.

Hogy miért? Mert ezeknek a dolgoknak egy része valami módon normálisan is megjelenik a kapcsolatokban. Az ember magányos, vágyakozik, elképzel, elgondol dolgokat. A kapcsolatok először a megismerésben vannak, a "te is én is" időszakban és a kapcsolatokat építik a közös tervek, közös jövőkép. A kapcsolatokban őszinték vagyunk, megmondjuk, ha valami nem tetszik, ha változtatni szeretnénk. Néha jobb, néha rosszabb napokat élünk meg együtt. Alkalmazkodni és várni is kell.

Miben különbözik akkor? Egy nap arra jössz rá, hogy az egész életed a narcisztikus körül forog. Várod, hogy jelentkezzen, várod, hogy örüljön, várod az elismerését, összetör a vita, a nézeteltérés, alakítod magad, hogy neki megfelelj, kontroll alatt tartod magad, nehogy lebasszon valamiért, elbizonytalanodsz a saját értékeidben, közben akarod, hogy végre igazán jó legyen vele, ahogy volt valamikor és amivel kecsegtetett és aminek te vagy az akadálya. Csak te.

És most azt gondolod, hogy ez veled nem történhet meg. Ha olvasod ezt a blogot, akkor de. Akkor te empatikus, érdeklődő és támogató típus vagy és ezeken keresztül manipulálható egy narcisztikus számára. Ott van melletted. Most várod az üzenetét.

Diane Judith Nash (born May 15, 1938) is an American civil rights activist, and a leader and strategist of the student wing of the Civil Rights Movement.

Nash's campaigns were among the most successful of the era. Her efforts included the first successful civil rights campaign to integrate lunch counters (Nashville); the Freedom Riders, who desegregated interstate travel; co-founding the Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee (SNCC); and co-initiating the Alabama Voting Rights Project and working on the Selma Voting Rights Movement. This helped gain Congressional passage of the Voting Rights Act of 1965, which authorized the federal government to oversee and enforce state practices to ensure that African Americans and other minorities were not prevented from registering and voting.

Early life

Nash was born in 1938 and raised in Chicago by her father Leon Nash and her mother Dorothy Bolton Nash in a middle-class Catholic area. Her father was a veteran of World War II. Her mother worked as a keypunch operator during the war, leaving Nash in the care of her grandmother, Carrie Bolton, until age 7. Bolton was a cultured woman, known for her refinement and manners.

After the war, Nash's parents' marriage ended. Dorothy married again to John Baker, a waiter on the railroad dining cars owned by the Pullman Company. Baker was a member of the Brotherhood of Sleeping Car Porters, one of the most powerful black unions in the nation. As Dorothy no longer worked outside the house, Diane saw less of her grandmother Carrie Bolton, but she continued as an important influence in Nash's life. Bolton was committed to making sure her granddaughter understood her worth and value, and didn't discuss race often, believing that racial prejudice was something that was taught to younger generations by their elders. Her grandmother's words and actions instilled Diane with confidence and a strong sense of self-worth, while also creating a bit of a sheltered environment that left her vulnerable to the severity of racism in the outside world as she grew older.

Education

Nash attended Catholic schools, and at one point considered becoming a nun. She also was the runner-up in a regional beauty pageant leading to the competition for Miss Illinois.

After finishing Hyde Park High School in Chicago, Diane Nash went to Washington, D.C. to attend Howard University, a historically black college (HBCU). After a year, she transferred to Fisk University in Nashville, Tennessee, where she majored in English. Nash acknowledged that she looked forward to personal growth during her time in college and wanted to explore the challenging issues of the time. In Nashville she was first exposed to the full force of Jim Crow laws and customs and their effect on the lives of Blacks. Nash recounted her experience at the Tennessee State Fair when she had to use the "Colored Women" restroom, signifying the first time she had ever seen and been impacted by segregation signage. Outraged by the realities of segregation, Nash began to show signs of leadership and soon became a full-time activist.

Nash's family members were surprised when she joined the Civil Rights Movement. Her grandmother was quoted as saying, “Diane, you’ve gotten in with the wrong bunch;” she did not know that Diane was the chairwoman of organizing the nonviolent protests at her university. Her family was not familiar with the idea of working for civil rights. Diane Nash spoke of how it took her family time to come around to accept her as a key player in the Civil Rights Movement. But her mother began to use fundraising abilities to raise money for the Freedom Riders. Nash said in a PBS Tavis Smiley interview, “My mother ended up going to fundraisers in Chicago that were raising money to send to the students in the South and actually, over years, she went to an elevated train bus station one day at 6:00 a.m. to hand out leaflets protesting the war." Her mother was influenced by Nash’s sense of empowerment.

Nashville Student Movement

At Fisk, Nash searched for a way to challenge segregation. Nash began attending nonviolent civil disobedience workshops led by James Lawson. While in India, James Lawson had studied Mahatma Gandhi's techniques of nonviolent direct action and passive resistance used in his political movement. By the end of her first semester at Fisk, Nash had become one of Lawson's most devoted disciples. Although originally a reluctant participant in nonviolence, Nash emerged as a leader due to her well-spoken, composed manner when speaking to the authorities and to the press. In 1960 at age 22, she became the leader of the Nashville sit-ins, which lasted from February to May. Lawson's workshops included simulations in order to prepare the students to handle verbal and physical harassment that they would ultimately face during the sit-ins. In preparation, the students would venture out to segregated stores and restaurants, doing nothing more than speaking with the manager when they were refused service. Lawson graded their interactions in each simulation and sit-in, reminding them to have love and compassion for their harassers. This movement was unique for the time in that it was led by and composed primarily of college students and young people. The Nashville sit-ins spread to 69 cities across the United States.

Though protests would continue in Nashville and across the South, Diane Nash and three other students were first successfully served at the Post House Restaurant on March 17, 1960. Students continued the sit-ins at segregated lunch counters for months, accepting arrest in line with nonviolent principles. Nash, with John Lewis, led the protesters in a policy of refusing to pay bail. In February 1961, Nash served jail time in solidarity with the "Rock Hill Nine" — nine students imprisoned after a lunch counter sit-in. They were all sentenced to pay a $50 fine for sitting at a whites-only lunch counter. Chosen as spokesperson, Nash said to the judge, "We feel that if we pay these fines we would be contributing to and supporting the injustice and immoral practices that have been performed in the arrest and conviction of the defendants."

When Nash asked Nashville's mayor, Ben West, on the steps of City Hall, "Do you feel it is wrong to discriminate against a person solely on the basis of their race or color?", the mayor admitted that he did. Three weeks later, the lunch counters of Nashville were serving blacks. Reflecting on this event, Nash said, "I have a lot of respect for the way he responded. He didn't have to respond the way he did. He said that he felt it was wrong for citizens of Nashville to be discriminated against at the lunch counters solely on the basis of the color of their skin. That was the turning point. That day was very important."

While participating in the Nashville sit-in, Diane Nash first met fellow protester, James Bevel, whom she would later marry. They had two children together, a son and a daughter. The couple divorced after seven years of marriage and Nash never remarried.

In August 1961, Diane Nash participated in a picket line to protest a local supermarket's refusal to hire blacks. When local white youths started egging the picket line and punching various people, police intervened. They arrested 15 people, only five of whom were the white attackers. All but one of the blacks who were jailed accepted the $5 bail and were freed. But Nash stayed. The 21-year-old activist had insisted on her arrest with the other blacks, and once in jail, refused bail.

SNCC and SCLC

In spring 1960, nearly two hundred students involved with the nationwide sit-in movement arrived in Raleigh, North Carolina for an organizing conference. There, the SCLC (Southern Christian Leadership Conference), at Ella Baker's request, sponsored the students' meeting on April 15. But some within the SCLC, including Baker herself, advised the students to remain independent and follow their own principles. Accordingly, in April 1960 Nash was one of the leading founders of the Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee (SNCC - pronounced "snick"), independent of any adult organizations, and quit school to lead its direct action wing. In the coming years, organizations such as CORE and SCLC would try to recruit SNCC as their own student wing, with SNCC always resisting the invitations. The Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee would go on to be involved with some of the most important campaigns of the civil rights era, adding a fresh and active youth voice to the movement.

In early 1961, Nash and ten fellow students were put under arrest in Rock Hill, South Carolina for protesting segregation. Once jailed, they would not accept the chance for bail. These dramatic events began to bring light to the fight for racial justice that was beginning to emerge. It also highlighted the idea of "jail, no bail", which was utilized by many other civil rights activists as the fight for rights progressed.

Originally fearful of jail, Nash was arrested dozens of times for her activities. She spent 30 days in a South Carolina jail after protesting segregation in Rock Hill in February 1961. In 1962, although she was four months pregnant with her daughter Sherri, she faced a two-year prison sentence in Mississippi for contributing to the delinquency of minors whom she had encouraged to become Freedom Riders and ride on the buses. Despite her pregnancy, she was ready to serve her time with the possibility of her daughter being born in jail. Nash took the weight of this possibility seriously, spending two days praying and meditating before coming to a decision and penning an open letter. "I believe that if I go to jail now, it may help hasten that day when my child and all children will be free — not only on the day of their birth but for all their lives." She was sentenced to 10 days in jail in Jackson, Mississippi, "where she spent her time there washing her only set of clothing in the sink during the day and listening to cockroaches skitter overhead at night".

Nash would go on to serve many roles for the SCLC from 1961–1965 while it was under Martin Luther King Jr. Though years later, Nash is clear about how she saw herself in relation to King, stating "I never considered Dr. King my leader. I always considered myself at his side and I considered him at my side. I was going to do what the spirit told me to do. So If I had a leader, that was my leader." She later cut ties with the SCLC, questioning their leadership structure, including their male- and clergy-dominated ranks. She would also split from SNCC in 1965 when their directives changed under Stokley Carmichael's leadership, taking particular issue with the organization's departure from the founding pillar of nonviolence.

Freedom Riders

"We will not stop. There is only one outcome," stated Diane Nash, referring to the 1961 CORE Freedom Riders. Designed to challenge state segregation of interstate buses and facilities, the project was suspended by CORE after a bus was firebombed and several riders were severely injured in attacks by a mob in Birmingham, Alabama. Nash called on Fisk University and other college students to fill buses to keep the Freedom Rides going. They traveled to the South to challenge the states. The Nashville students, encouraged by Nash, promptly decided to finish the trip that had been suspended at Birmingham. New Orleans Congress of Racial Equality, the Nashville students, and Nash were committed, ready, and willing. "It was clear to me that if we allowed the Freedom Ride to stop at that point, just after so much violence had been inflicted, the message would have been sent that all you have to do to stop a nonviolent campaign is inflict massive violence," says Nash. Nash took over responsibility for the Freedom Rides and worked to recruit Riders, act as media spokesperson, and garner the support of the government and other Movement leaders. Coordinating from Nashville, she led the Freedom Riders from Birmingham, Alabama to Jackson, Mississippi, where CORE Field Secretary Tom Gaither coordinated a massive program on the ground.

After the severe attacks, CORE's Executive Director James Farmer Jr. a veteran of CORE's original 1949 Freedom Rides, was hesitant to continue them. Nash talked with the students of the Nashville Student Movement and argued that, "We can't let them stop us with violence. If we do, the movement is dead." Nash remained adamant that they not send a message to the public that civil rights efforts could be stopped with violence. As the violence escalated and bus drivers began to refuse service to the Riders due to the dangers, Attorney General Robert Kennedy became involved and worked to keep the Rides going. Kennedy called the Alabama governor and the Greyhound bus company to implore them to allow the Rides to continue. Kennedy insisted that his special assistant John Seigenthaler travel to Alabama to get directly involved in the matter. Seigenthaler informed the reluctant Alabama governor that it was the government's duty to protect these citizens during the Freedom Rides. Nash spoke with Seigenthaler on the phone, and Seigenthaler warned her that the Freedom Rides could result in death and violence for participants. She responded, "We know someone will be killed, but we cannot let violence overcome nonviolence." Nash explained to Seigenthaler that she and other students had already signed their wills. John Lewis, who had just returned from the Freedom Ride, agreed to continue it, as did other students. A contingent of activists from New Orleans CORE also participated. They continued the action to a successful conclusion six months later.

When Nash was bringing a batch of students to Birmingham to continue the Ride, she telephoned Birmingham activist Fred Shuttlesworth to inform him. He responded to her sternly: "Young lady, do you know that the Freedom Riders were almost killed here?" Nash assured him that she did and that that would not stop her from continuing the ride. After gathering the final list of Riders, she placed a phone call to Shuttlesworth. They knew their phone line had been tapped by local police, so they worked out a set a of coded messages related to, of all things, poultry. For instance, "roosters" were substituted for male Freedom Riders, "hens" for female Riders and so on. When Nash called Shuttlesworth again on Wednesday morning to tell him "The chickens are boxed," he knew that the Freedom Riders were on their way.

On May 20, 1961, the Riders left Birmingham for Montgomery with the promise of protection from the federal government, including police escorts and planes flying overhead. After about 40 miles, all signs of protection disappeared, and the Riders were subjected to a violent, angry mob armed with makeshift weapons such as pipes and bricks. Both white and black Riders were injured by the mob, including special assistant John Seigenthaler who exited his car to help one of the female Riders who was being beaten. When all the other Riders had left the bus terminal, five of the female Riders phoned Shuttlesworth, who relayed their whereabouts to Nash. Others called Nash directly, to inform her of the chaotic situation that had occurred. Fearing that all the riders were subject to arrest, Nash advised them to stay out of sight from the police, but this was compromised by Wilbur and Hermann, who had called the police after fleeing from the terminal area.

On May 21, 1961, Martin Luther King Jr. arrived at the First Baptist Church in Montgomery, Alabama. King had caused tension between himself and the Freedom Riders, Nash included, due to his refusal to participate in the Rides. Diane Nash was present at the First Baptist Church that night and is credited with playing a key role in getting King to come and speak in support of the Freedom Riders. More than 1,500 citizens were trapped inside the church overnight as violence raged outside. Martial law had to be declared by Alabama Governor John Patterson to finally bring an end to the mob. Gov. Patterson had been highly criticized by many within the movement for his unwillingness to support and protect the Riders. This was the first time he and the state of Alabama had moved to protect the movement. King preached to the crowd inside the church while teargas seeped in from outside, telling them that they would "remain calm" and "continue to stand up for what we know is right."

In 1963 President John F. Kennedy appointed Nash to a national committee to prepare civil rights legislation. Eventually his proposed bill was passed as the Civil Rights Act of 1964.

Alabama Project and the Selma Voting Rights Movement

Shocked by the 1963 church bombing in Birmingham that killed four young girls, Nash and James Bevel committed to raising a nonviolent army in Alabama. Their goal was the vote for every black adult in Alabama, a radical proposition at the time. Alabama and other southern states had effectively excluded blacks from the political system since disenfranchising them at the turn of the century. After funerals for the girls in Birmingham, Nash confronted SCLC leadership with their proposal. She was rebuffed, but continued to advocate this "revolutionary" nonviolent blueprint.

Together with SCLC, Nash and Bevel eventually implemented the Selma to Montgomery marches, a series of protests for voting rights in Alabama in early 1965. They were initiated and organized by James Bevel, who was running SCLC's Selma Voting Rights Movement. Marchers crossed the Pettus Bridge on their way to the state capital of Montgomery, but after they left the city limits, they were attacked by county police and Alabama state troopers armed with clubs and tear gas, determined to break up the peaceful march. John Lewis, who had knelt to pray, had his skull fractured. The images were broadcast over national television, shocking the nation. Soon after this, President Lyndon Johnson publicly announced that it was "wrong--deadly wrong--to deny any of your fellow Americans the right to vote in this country." The initiative culminated in passage by Congress of the 1965 Voting Rights Act, which authorized the federal government to oversee and enforce the constitutional right to vote, with mechanisms to assess state compliance and require changes to enable registration and voting.

In 1965, SCLC gave its highest award, the Rosa Parks Award, to Diane Nash and James Bevel for their leadership in initiating and organizing the Alabama Project and the Selma Voting Rights Movement.

Later recognition

During the civil rights era and shortly after, many of the male leaders received most of the recognition for its successes. As the civil rights era has been studied by historians, Nash's contributions have been more fully recognized.

In 1995 historian David Halberstam described Nash as "…bright, focused, utterly fearless, with an unerring instinct for the correct tactical move at each increment of the crisis; as a leader, her instincts had been flawless, and she was the kind of person who pushed those around her to be at their best, or be gone from the movement."

Nash is featured in the award-winning documentary film series Eyes on the Prize (1987) and the 2000 series A Force More Powerful about the history of nonviolent conflict. She is also featured in the PBS American Experience documentary on the Freedom Riders, based on the history of the same name. Nash is also credited with her work in David Halberstam's book about the Nashville Student Movement, The Children, as well as Diane Nash: The Fire of the Civil Rights Movement.

In addition, she has received the Distinguished American Award from the John F. Kennedy Library and Foundation (2003), the LBJ Award for Leadership in Civil Rights from the Lyndon Baines Johnson Library and Museum (2004), and the Freedom Award from the National Civil Rights Museum (2008).

Nash has continued to believe in the power of nonviolent action to solve conflicts. In an interview with Theresa Anderson she said,

“Violence needs to be addressed. I think the Civil Rights Movement has demonstrated how to resolve human conflicts. I think it's crazy when two countries have problems with each other and one says 'Let's bomb them, kill them, go fight.' If we have a problem with another country I would like to see consideration instead of an automatic tendency to go to war. Let's hear their side, consider our side, and look at what is logical and reasonable. Let's look at what serves the best interests of the people and see if we can negotiate solutions, more sane solutions."

Later life

After the Civil Rights Movement, Nash moved back to Chicago where she worked in the fields of education and real estate, continuing as an advocate and championing causes such as fair housing and anti-war efforts. She still lives in Chicago, only a few miles away from her son Douglass Bevel, with whom she remains very close.

In 2013, Nash expressed her support for Barack Obama, while also sharing her reluctance for his continuing involvement in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. While encouraged by the positive implications associated with electing the first Black President of the United States, Nash still believes that the true changes in American society will come from its citizens, not government officials.

Although she attended the Selma 50th anniversary celebrations in March 2015, Nash was noticeably absent from the re-staging of the 1965 Selma march. When asked about her refusal to participate in the historic event, Nash cited the attendance of former president George W. Bush. Nash, who has dedicated her life to pursuits of peace and nonviolence, declared that Bush "stands for just the opposite: For violence and war and stolen elections, and his administration…had people tortured."

Decades after she played a critical role in the Civil Rights Movement, Diane Nash remains committed to the principles of nonviolence that have guided her throughout her life. Although she was a key architect in many of the Movement's most successful efforts, she remains humble upon reflection. "It took many thousands of people to make the changes that we made, people whose names we'll never know. They'll never get credit for the sacrifices they've made, but I remember them."

In popular culture

Nash is portrayed by Tessa Thompson in the 2014 film Selma.

Nash is also portrayed in The Boondocks episode "Freedom Ride or Die".

Sok ember, köztük én is, akkor tekint befejezettnek egy munkát amikor megdicsérik érte. Ez egy gyerekkori berögzülés, amit a szüleink követnek el. Felvetted a cipődet, ügyes vagy kicsim! Megetted az ebédet, ügyes vagy, elmosogattál, jól van, ügyes vagy! Aztán az iskolában is, munka, értékelés. Ezzel van minden lezárva. Ami nincs értékelve az nincs befejezve. A legtöbb felnőtt is ezt teszi, késztetése van rá, hogy értékelje és megdicsérje az elkészült munkát és ezzel tekintse befejezettnek. Meg vannak azok a „szörnyetegek” akik egyszerűen egy fejbólintással vagy egy okével elintézik a dolgokat. Mindez miért érdemel szót? Például azért mert az ember minden szart személyes támadásnak, csak neki szóló célzásnak, kritikának vél (ehhez nem kell se szorongónak, se narcisztikusnak lenni, ez az alap pszichés állapotunk) és a szerint ítéli meg a történteket és a szerint fogja változtatni a kommunikációt. Így ölődnek meg a kapcsolatok amúgy. Ha valaki következetesen nem dicséri meg a munkámat, csak leokézza az „nyilván” elégedetlen vele, velem, utál, gyűlöli, hogy együtt dolgozunk, hogy kapcsolatban kell lennünk, stb, stb. Ha a faszi, akivel élek, nem dicséri meg a rendet, a kaját, a szuper hétvégi ötleteimet, a szopást, akkor nyilván nem tiszteli a beletett munkámat és érzelmi viszonyulásomat, stb. Kurva nehéz elfogadni az egyik vagy másik oldal beállítódását. Akinek nem jön alapból a dicséret az nehezen tanulja meg és sokszor el fogja felejteni mert számára ez egy plusz figyelem. Akinek meg elemi, az folyton bántva érzi magát, hogy semmit sem csinál jól. És mondjuk az is fura lenne, ha a szikraforgácsoló műhelyben minden elkészült darab után odaballagna a műszakvezető, hogy ügyes vagy Lajoskám! De lehet, hogy Lajosnak az is elég, hogy tudja, hogy ő dolgozik a legkevesebb hibával. És ezeket a méréseket közre szokták adni. Lajost ez a táblázat dicséri. Azt várjuk, hogy akik szeretnek, akinek fontosak vagyunk, az lépjen át a saját árnyékán és tanulja meg a nyelvünket! Öhm. Meg ugye, aki az „igazi” az perfektül beszéli első pillanattól. Van ilyen. Közben pedig sérüléseken keresztül lehet tanulni az ilyesmit, lehet kapcsolatot építeni, megismerni mások kommunikációját meg lehet megkeményedni, beszűkülni mert senki se beszélni a nyelvünket. Meg mindezt együtt is lehet. Ha ezer napon át nem mondod a másiknak, hogy köszi, klassz, köszi, de szép, de jó volt, de kényelmes, de szuper, akkor legalább néha, egy üveg bor után érdemes elmondani, hogy jobb az életem amikor velem vagy, és ez jó, és ha nem mondom is folyton, ha nem jut eszembe minden kis szart megdicsérni, de valójában baromira tetszik, és szeretem, hogy így élünk és téged is szeretlek. Kevés, ha azt hajtogatjuk, hogy kommunikáció, kommunikáció a kapcsolatok kulcsa, ha közben nem tudjuk, hogy ilyen piszlicsáré szarokon múlik a mostani boldogság, hogy anyád hároméves korodban azt mondta, hogy ügyes vagy, hogy felvetted a cipődet, a másiknak meg azt mondta, hogy máskor jobban siessen.

hogy a férfiak úgy gondolják, hogy ha az az álomgyönyörű és rettenetesen izgató és kibaszottszexi nő egyszercsak ott lenne a hálószobájukban amikor benyitnak, hogy ők úgy gondolják, hogy akkor rávetnék magukat és jól megkúrnák? Szóval, hogy igazán a fantázia az, hogy az összes többit nem kell megcsinálni, nem kell megszólítani, meghívni, beszélgetni, udvarolni, nem kell megismerni mit szeret, hogyan jó együttlenni, hanem amikor szétteszi a lábát, akkor egyszerűen kurvajó minden? És utána? :) na, szóval tényleg néha elgondolkozom, hogy igazán mit is gondolhatnak a férfiak. Az az álom, hogy az összes előzményjelenetet valaki megcsinálta helyettük és nekik csak a puncival kell foglalkozni, és ők akkor az összes fárasztó és érdektelen előzményjelenet nélkül is nagyot alakítanának (valahogy) vagy az az álom, hogy bárcsak egy tökéletes szépségű nőt birtokolhatnának, aki meg amúgy minden egyébben is nyilván tökéletes és igazán a szépséges szexi nő csodálata mögött egy egész álomvilág van a tökéletességről, ami felett ő az úr? Merthogy a nő őérte van oda? A másik variáció, hogy nem gondolnak semmit. Feláll a faszuk és pont, őket nem érdekli miért. (gyermeki kívácsiság hajt, nekem bármelyik változat teljesen édesmindegy, nem fűződik konkrét személyhez, én a nőket se értem, akik rásóhajtanak egy faszra, de azon máskor gondolkodom el.)

Annyira fájt hallani, hogy a pasas hazudott, hogy vagy két órán keresztül fájt a gyomrom. Pedig nem az én életem, nem nekem hazudtak. Aztán jó későn keveredtem haza és akkor újra eszembe jutott és éreztem, hogy hányingerig összeugrik a gyomrom megint. Hogy a pasi mondott valamit, állította, hogy úgy van és egy év múlva kiderült, hogy nem, hogy kurvára nem úgy van, mint amit mondott. Rosszul viselem én ezt, és mindkettő lehetőséget gyűlölöm. Az állandó gyanakvást is, hogy az ember azon erőlködik, hogy ne basszák át, és az a lazaság se élhető szerintem, hogy leszarom, ha átbasznak átbasznak, az élet megy tovább. Mert ez utóbbi azt jelenti, hogy sosem adom át magam annyira, hogy sérülhessek, mindig csak annyira, amire rá tudok legyinteni. Logan azt mondta, ő nem hazudik, legfeljebb nem mond el mindent. Nem akartam mondani, hogy az is hazugság, ha hagyod, hogy valaki mást gondoljon, mint amiről tudod, hogy igaz, még akkor is, ha a te szádat nem hagyta el konkrét hazugság. Hazugság, ha tudod, hogy a másik ember az adott információ birtokában máshogy döntene dolgokról, ami téged is érint. Ezzel nekem még valami dolgom van. Biztos nem véletlen, hogy ennyire megrázott.

Yolanda Denise King (November 17, 1955 – May 15, 2007) was an American activist and first-born child of civil rights leader Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. and Coretta Scott King. She was known also for her artistic and entertainment endeavors and public speaking. Her childhood experience was greatly influenced by her father's highly public and influential activism.

Born two weeks before Rosa Parks famously refused to give up her seat on a public transit bus in Montgomery, Alabama, she occasionally experienced threats to her life, designed to intimidate her parents, and became a secondary caregiver to her younger siblings and was bullied at school. When her father was assassinated April 4, 1968, King, then only twelve years of age, was noted for her composure during the highly public funeral and mourning events. She joined her mother and siblings in marches, and she was lauded by such noted figures as Bill Cosby and Harry Belafonte, the latter establishing a trust fund for her and her siblings.

In her teenage years, she became an effective leader of her class in high school and was given attention by the magazines Jet and Ebony. Her teenage years were filled with more tragedies, specifically that of her uncle Alfred Daniel Williams King and the murder of her grandmother, Alberta Williams King. While in high school, she gained lifelong friends. It was the first and only institution where King was not harassed or mistreated because of who her father was. However, she was still misjudged and mistrusted, based on perceptions founded solely upon her relationship with her father. Despite this, King managed to keep up her grades and was actively involved in high school politics, serving as class president for two years. King aroused controversy in high school for her role in a play. She was credited with having her father's sense of humor.

In the 1990s, She supported a retrial of James Earl Ray and publicly stated that she did not hate him. That decade saw King's acting career take off as she appeared in ten separate projects, including Ghosts of Mississippi (1996), Our Friend, Martin (1999) and Selma, Lord, Selma (1999). By the time she was an adult, she had grown to become an active supporter for gay rights and an ally to the LGBT community, as was her mother. She was involved in a sibling feud that pitted her and her brother Dexter against their brother Martin Luther King III and sister Bernice King for the sale of the King Center in Atlanta, Georgia. King served as a spokesperson for her mother during the illness that would eventually lead to her death. King outlived her mother by only 16 months, succumbing to complications related to a chronic heart condition on May 15, 2007.

Early life

Early childhood: 1955–1963

Born in Montgomery, Alabama to Martin Luther King, Jr. and Coretta Scott King, she was only two weeks old when Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat on a bus. Even in her infancy, Yolanda was faced with the threats her father was given when they extended to his family. In 1956, a number of white supremacists bombed the King household there. Yolanda and her mother were not harmed. She and her mother, at the time of the bomb's detonation, were in the rear section of their home. Despite this, the front porch was damaged and glass broke in the home. She kept her father busy when walking on their home's floors. While her mother liked her name, her father had reservations about naming her "Yolanda" due to the possibility the name would be mispronounced. During the course of her lifetime, King's name was mispronounced to the point where it bothered her. King's father eventually was satisfied with the nickname "Yoki," and wished that if they had a second daughter, they would name her something simpler. The Kings would have another daughter almost eight years later named Bernice (born 1963). King recalled that her mother had been the main parent and dominant figure in their home, while her father was away often. Decision-making towards what school she would attend in first grade was done primarily by her mother, since her father expressed disinterest to her early in the decision making.

Martin Luther King III described his role as the second-born of their family as having made Yolanda jealous, and that she was always overcommitted but "still found time to get to the things that were most important to her". Her mother referred to her as being a confidant during the time following her husband's assassination. She complimented her mother on her achievements and her mother spoke of her in a positive light, as well. When asked by a young boy what she remembered most about her father, she admitted that her father was not able to spend much time with her and the rest of her family. When he did, she would play and swim with him. King cried when she found out her father had been imprisoned. Her father admitted that he had never adjusted to bringing up children under "inexplicable conditions". When she was 6 years old, she was saddened by classmates' remarks that her father was a "jailbird". An important early memory was that she wanted to go to Funtown, a local amusement park, with the rest of her class, but was barred from doing so due to her race. She did not understand, and asked her mother Coretta why she was not able to go. When she replied "Your father is going to jail so that you can go to Funtown." after numerous attempts to explain the issue to her, Yolanda finally understood. After having not seen her father for five weeks while he was in jail, she finally was able to meet with him alongside both of her brothers for less than half an hour. Her father also addressed the issue himself. He told her that there were many whites who were not racist and wanted her to go but there were many who were and did not want her to go. However, her father reassured her as she began to cry that she was "just as good" as anyone who went to Funtown and that one day in the "not too distant future" she was going to be able to go to "any town" along with "all of God's children".

Assassination of John F. Kennedy and Nobel Peace Prize: 1963–1964

On November 22, 1963, when U.S. President John F. Kennedy was assassinated, she learned of his death at school. When she returned home, she rushed to confront her mother about his death and even ignored her grandfather, Martin Luther King, Sr., to tell her mother what she had heard and that they would not get their "freedom now." Her mother tried to debunk this, insisting that they would still get it. She predicted at that time that all of the "Negro leaders" would be killed and the non-leading African-Americans would agree to segregation. Her mother started to realize that Yolanda had become more aware of the possibility that her father could be killed as well. For Christmas 1963, King and her siblings accepted a sacrificial Christmas as appealed by their parents and only received a single gift. King and her brother Martin III bragged about their selflessness at school. In 1964, upon learning her father would receive the Nobel Peace Prize, she asked her mother what her father was going to do with the money he was receiving in addition to the award. After she suggested that he would most likely give it all away, King laughed with her mother.

Enrollment at Spring Street Elementary School and last years with father: 1965–1967

King and her brother Martin Luther King III were enrolled in the fall of 1965 to Spring Street Elementary School. In 1966, she listened to a speech her father gave when he was addressing a rally. At the age of eight after writing her first play, she enrolled in the only integrated drama school of that time. The head of the school was Walt Roberts, father of the actress Julia Roberts. She began speaking at the age of ten and even filled in for her parents on occasion. Her memories of her father prompted her to state that he "believed we were all divine. I have chosen to continue to promote 'we're one, the oneness of us, and shine the spotlight,' as my father did." Coretta King wrote in her memoirs, My Life with Martin Luther King, Jr., that "Martin always said that Yoki came at a time in his life when he needed something to take his mind off the tremendous pressures that bore down upon him."

Father's death: 1968

On the evening of April 4, 1968, when she was 12, Yolanda returned with her mother from Easter-dress shopping when Jesse Jackson called the family and reported that her father had been shot. Soon after, she heard of the event when a news bulletin popped up while she was washing dishes. While her siblings were trying to find out what it meant, Yolanda already knew. She ran out of the room, screamed "I don't want to hear it," and prayed that he would not die. She asked her mother at this time, if she should hate the man who killed her father. Her mother told her not to, since her father would not want that. King complimented her mother as a "brave and strong lady," leading to a hug between them. Four days later, she and her brothers accompanied their mother to Memphis City Hall on her own terms, as she and her brothers had wanted to come. King flew to Memphis, Tennessee with her brothers and mother and participated in leading a march in Memphis with sanitation workers and civil rights leaders.

King was visited by Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis before her father's funeral. After the funeral, she was visited by classmates from Spring Street Middle School visited her with flowers and cards. At that time, she was also called by Andrea Young, whose own father had insisted that she should. The two were the same age. Bill Cosby flew to Atlanta after the funeral and entertained King and her siblings. King and her siblings were assured an education thanks to the help of Harry Belafonte, who set up a trust fund for them years prior to their father's death.

In regards to the possibility that her father could have been saved, King said she doubted that her father could have lived much longer given all the stress he had during his tenure as a leader of the Civil Rights Movement. She did admit that, had he lived or he been listened to more, "we would be in a far better place." King openly stated years later that she did not hate James Earl Ray.

Teenage years and high school: 1968–1972

At Grady High School, King was president of her sophomore and junior class, and vice president of her senior class. She ranked in the top 10 percent of her class. She was active in student government and drama. She made lifelong friends while in the institution that would collectively be called the "Grady Girls". She was also on the student council. At that time, King still did not know what she wanted to do with her life, but acknowledged that many wanted her to be a preacher. Her inclinations were driven to be artistic, which did not suit the political aspects of her father's life. Of the King children, Yolanda was the only one to attend Grady High School, as her siblings would go to different high schools following her graduation.

During the family's interview with Mike Wallace in December 1968, Yolanda was introduced by her mother and revealed her role in keeping the family together. Being the oldest, she had to watch her three younger siblings; Martin Luther King III, Dexter King and Bernice King and referred to the three as independent when she watched them whenever their mother went out of town. Sometime after Martin Luther King's assassination, King told her mother "Mom, I'm not going to cry because my dad is not dead. He may be dead physically, and one day I am going to see him again".

On July 21, 1969, King's uncle and father's brother Alfred Daniel Williams King was found dead in the swimming pool of his home. His youngest two children, Esther and Vernon, were vacationing with King and her family in Jamaica when they heard of his death. On April 4, 1970, the second anniversary of her father's death, she and her sister Bernice attended their grandfather Martin Luther King, Sr.'s silent prayer for their father at his gravesite. The practice of going to her father's grave on the anniversary of either his birth or assassination became an annual ritual for the King family to mourn his death.

In her teenage years, King preferred to go by her nickname "Yoki." As she said during an interview, "I prefer Yoki. Maybe when I'm older I won't be able to stand Yoki, but Yolanda sounds so formal!" She felt teenagers were confused and were using drugs as a method to escape their problems.

At age 15, she was subject to controversy when she appeared in the play "The Owl and the Pussycat" because she was costarring a white male lead. Though her mother kept her naïve to the controversies so she could "fulfill [her] objective, which was to do the play", that did not stop her from learning of the negativity implemented from her role years later. Her grandfather Martin Luther King, Sr. initially was not going to go to her performance due to opposition by locals, but changed his mind afterward. During a Sunday visit to Church, King was forced to stand before the congregation and explain her actions. In response to her role in the play and her own response to the role, a man wrote to Jet predicting that she would marry a white person before she was eighteen. Despite statements such as these, King did not become aware of the public discomfort with her role until years later, citing her mother's involvement in her knowledge of the criticism.

When King was sixteen she received attention in Jet in 1972, where she talked about what her father's famous name was doing for her life. In the interview with the magazine, She related how people expected her to be "stuck up" and referred to it as one of the "handicaps" of being Martin Luther King's child. She recalled having met a friend that was scared of being acquainted with her, because of her father's identity and expressed her thoughts in the colleges she wished to attend. King would ultimately attend Smith College in Northampton, Massachusetts after graduating from high school.

King called her father's name and having to live up to it a "challenge" and recalled a friend when she first met a friend of hers, who believed she could not say anything to King but after beginning to know her, realized that she was "no worse than my other friends" and she "could say anything" to her. King also voiced her dislike of the assumption that she would behave just like her mother and father, and the difficulty of being perceived as not being someone others could talk to. When asked what kind of world she would like to live in, King said she wished "people could love everybody". Despite this wish, she acknowledged that this was of no ease and expressed happiness that her father had changed many things, and even made some people gain self-esteem. Positive reception came to this interview, and Yolanda was even called the "leader of the 16-year-olds" for her "calmness, her concern," and "her vision".

Early adulthood

College: 1972–1976

After graduating from high school, she went to Smith College. She took classes taught by Manning Marable and Johnnella Butler, and became satisfied with her choice of a college. But after finishing her sophomore year and returning home so she could work over the summer, her grandmother Alberta Williams King was killed on June 30, 1974. With her death, the only remaining members of King's father's immediate family were her grandfather Martin Luther King, Sr. and aunt Christine King Ferris. She was also subject to some harassment by her classmates, describing it as the "era when students were making demands and many black students were closer to the teachings of Malcolm X, or what they thought were his teachings." The children referred to her father as an "Uncle Tom" and was scared that he would go down in history as such. She reflected "I had never read his works. I was just someone who loved someone, and I knew he had done great things and now people didn't appreciate it." She proceeded to read his books, and started to believe that her father had been correct all along.

When asked about what pressures emerged from being a daughter of Martin Luther King, Jr., King stated that "as soon as people heard me speak, they would compare me to my father ... My siblings had the same kind of pressure. There was such a need, like they were looking for a miracle." At the time of her turmoil in college, King recalled having not known Malcolm X and "didn't understand daddy, so here I was trying to defend something I thought I knew about but really didn't." On April 4, 1975, King joined her family in placing azaleas over her father's crypt, marking the seventh anniversary of his assassination.

Immediate life after Smith College: 1976–1978

An alumna of Smith College after graduating in 1976, she was the subject of an essay among the "remarkable women" during a celebration during the college's one hundred and twenty-fifth year and she was a member of the Board of Directors of the Martin Luther King Jr. Center for Nonviolent Social Change, Inc. (the official national memorial to her father) and was founding Director of the King Center's Cultural Affairs Program. King became a human rights activist and actress. She stated in 2000 to USA Today, that her acting "allowed me to find an expression and outlet for the pain and anger I felt about losing my father,". Her mother's support helped in starting her acting career. Despite some early opposition to acting that she received during her controversial play in high school, King still tried to get roles and actively tried performing.

She served on the Partnership Council of Habitat for Humanity, was the first national Ambassador for the American Stroke Association's "Power to End Stroke" Campaign, a member of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference, a sponsor of the Women's International League for Peace and Freedom, Human Rights Campaign, and held a lifetime membership in the NAACP. King received a Bachelor of Arts degree from Smith College in Northampton, Massachusetts, a master's degree in theater from New York University, and an Honorary Doctorate of Humane Letters from Marywood University. In 1978 she starred as Rosa Parks in the TV miniseries King (based on her father's life and released on DVD in 2005).

Meeting Attallah Shabazz: 1979

In 1979, Yolanda met Attallah Shabazz, the eldest daughter of Malcolm X, after arrangements had been made by Ebony Magazine to take a photograph of the two women together. Both were worried that they would not like each other due to their fathers' legacies. Instead, the two quickly found common ground in their activism and in their positive outlook towards the future of African-Americans. The two were young adults at the time and had a mutual friend who noticed they were both studying theater in New York and arranged for them to meet. A few months after King and Shabazz met, the pair decided to collaborate on a theatrical work, resulting in Stepping into Tomorrow. The play was directed towards teens and focused on the 10th year reunion of six high school friends. Stepping into Tomorrow led to the formation of Nucleus in the 1980s, a theater company which King and Shabazz founded. The theater company was based in New York City and Los Angeles and focused on addressing the issues that their fathers, Martin Luther King, Jr. and Malcolm X, spoke of in their lifetimes. The pair performed in around 50 cites a year and did lectures together, typically in school settings.

Adult life

King holiday, arrests and return to Smith College: 1980–1989

When presenting herself in 1980 to the GSA staff members, she stated: "Jim Crow [segregation] is dead, but his sophisticated cousin James Crow, Esq., is very much alive. We must cease our premature celebration [about civil rights already achieved] and get back to the struggle. We cannot be satisfied with a few black faces in high places when millions of our people have been locked out." She received a standing ovation afterwards, alongside a thunderous applause. In February 1982, King was a speaker during the centennial of Anne Spencer's birth. In 1984, she was arrested in the view of her mother for having protested in front of the South African Embassy, in support of anti-apartheid views. It was the first time she had ever been arrested. On January 7, 1986, Yolanda, her brother Martin Luther King III and her sister Bernice were arrested for "disorderly conduct" by officers responding to a call from a Winn Dixie market, of which had an ongoing protest against it since September of the previous year.

She showed dissatisfaction with her "generation" on January 20, 1985, and referred to them as being "laid-back and unconcerned", and "forgetting the sacrifices that allowed them to get away with being so laid-back". That same year, she presented the Martin Luther King, Jr. Award for Public Service to Chicago Mayor Harold Washington during the fifth annual Ebony American Black Achievement Awards.

She celebrated her father's holiday in January 16, 1986 and attended a breakfast in Chicago with Mayor Harold Washington. She stated that her father had a "magnificent dream", but admitted that "it still is only a dream." King started Black History Month of 1986 by giving a speech in Santa Ana, which called for the study of African-American history to not "relegated to the shortest and coldest month of the year." After having been a public speaker for over twenty years, Yolanda recalled her talents having "happened very naturally growing up in a house like mine". She also found "great irony" in President Ronald Reagan having signed a bill to make Martin Luther King, Jr. Day a national holiday.

She kicked off Martin Luther King, Jr. Day by starting a weeklong celebration on January 12, 1987 and talked to students about opportunities that they had at that point which their parents and grandparents did not have. On April 8, 1988, King and Shabazz were honored by Los Angeles County supervisors for their "unifying" performance and message on stage at the Los Angeles Theater Center the previous night. Their play Stepping into Tomorrow was praised by supervisors as being "entertaining and enlightening." At the time of the honor, King said that their production company had been approached by organizations seeking to arrange special staging of the play for gang members before May 1, when the show's run would end. Supervisor Kenneth Hahn said to King that he "sensed I was in the presence of a great man when I met your father." She returned to Smith College on January 26, 1989. There, she gave a speech and made references to her past difficult experiences when first coming to the college. King made it clear that while she had not been "endeared" to the institution, she was still "grateful" for her experience. She called for Americans to memorialize those who gave their lives for "the struggle for peace and justice." At this point in her life, King also served as director of cultural affairs for the King Center for Nonviolent Social Change and was tasked with raising and directing funds for all artistic events.

Arizona boycott and James Earl Ray retrial: 1990–1999

On December 9, 1990, she canceled a planned appearance in a play in Tucson, Arizona and ignored a boycott going on at the time by civil rights groups and other activists for Arizona voters rejecting the proposal of Martin Luther King, Jr. Day being celebrated there. King and Shabazz had planned the play months before the voters of the state rejecting the holiday, and King prepared a statement which solidified her reasons for supporting the boycott. Despite this, Shabazz still appeared in the state and performed in the play. On January 17, 1991, Yolanda spoke before a crowd of students at Edmonds Community College, around 200 in number. She debunked complacency in having any role in progression of her father's dream. She joined her mother in placing a wreath around her father's crypt. King stressed in 1992 that love would help people make their mark on the world. That same year, she also spoke at Indiana University. In October, King gave support for a Cabrini-Green family that wants to escape the violence, and a fundraiser for their cause.

Twenty-five years after her father's assassination, she went to his gravesite. There, she joined hands with her siblings and mother along with other civil rights activists, singing We Shall Overcome. During July 1993, she agreed to speak at the Coral Springs City Centre for airfare and a fee in January 1994. She originally wanted $8,000, but was negotiated down to $6,500. During said speech, she mentioned that the fact that the poverty line in America among children had nearly tripled and urged people to "reach out" and "do what you can". In October, she uttered her belief that her father's dream of integration was not understood fully.

On February 1, 1994 King attempted to speak before a diverse class of students at North Central College. She stated, "It is entirely appropriate that you would choose to focus on multiculturalism as the opening activity of Black History Month. The only reason why Black History Month was created and still exists is because America is still struggling and trying to come to grips, come to terms with the diversity of its people." In July 1994, after seeing some photographs of her father prior to his death, Yolanda lamented that "this [had] brought back a lot of memories. It's often hard for young people to understand the fear and terror so many people felt and how bold they were to get involved in the marches. But walking through the first part of the exhibit I felt that terror." She honored her father in 1995, by performing in the Chicago Sinfonietta in the play "A Lincoln Portrait", in which she was the narrator. The "commitment" to diverse members in the audience and the play itself, was what represented the opportunities for which King fought.

In the fall of 1995, at the age of 39, she joined Ilyasah Shabazz and Reena Evers in saluting their mothers as they chaired an attempt at registering one million African-American women to vote in the presidential election of 1996. King joined the rest of her family in February 1997, in supporting a retrial for James Earl Ray, the man convicted of her father's murder, having realized that "without our direct involvement, the truth will never come out." In an interview with People magazine in 1999, she recalled when she first learned of her father's death and stated that "to this day, [her] heart skips a beat every time [she] hear one of those special bulletins." King appeared in the film Selma, Lord, Selma, based on the 1965 Selma to Montgomery marches as Miss Bright. Prior to the film's release, King expressed belief in children of the time only knowing "Martin Luther King Jr. was killed, but when it is time to talk about the facts and the history, there is not a lot of knowledge. They look at me when I'm talking as if this is science fiction."

Final years: 2000–2005

King attended and spoke at the Human Rights Campaign Detroit Gala Dinner of 2000. In a twenty-four-minute-long speech, she brought up the presidential election of that year, and also quoted the words of Bobby Kennedy by recalling his line which he took from George Bernard Shaw, that of "Some men see things as they are and say why? I dream things that never were and say why not?". During a presentation in May 2000, King was asked if the human race would ever become "color blind". In response, she pushed for "the goal" to be "color acceptance." Following the September 11 attacks, King spoke in North Chicago in 2002 and related that her father's wisdom during the crisis would have been of great aid to her. She mentioned the possibility that the event could have been a calling for Americans to put their loyalty towards "their race, tribe and nation", as her father once said. She, her brother Martin Luther King III and Al Sharpton sang We Shall Overcome in front of "The Sphere", which stood atop the World Trade Center prior to the September 11 attacks.

In honor of her father King promoted a show in Los Angeles entitled "Achieving the Dream" in 2001. During the play, she changed costume numerous times and adjusted her voice and body language when changing roles. King and Elodia Tate co-edited the book Open My Eyes, Open My Soul: Celebrating Our Common Humanity, published by McGraw-Hill in 2003. In January 2004, King referred to her father as a king, but not as one who "sat on a throne, but one who sat in a dark Birmingham jail." While in Dallas in March 2004, King related; "It's only in the past half-dozen years or so that I have felt comfortable in my own skin. I don't have to try and prove anything to anyone anymore." "I struggled with a lot of the legacy for a long time, probably actually into my 30s before I really made peace with it," Yolanda stated in 2005 on "Western Skies", a public radio show based in Colorado. During the fall of 2014 she played Mama in "A Raisin in the Sun" at the Schwartz Center for the Performing Arts at Cornell University.

Mother's death, sibling dispute and final months: 2006–2007

Her mother Coretta, began to decline in health after suffering a stroke in August 2005. She also was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. The four children of the civil rights activist noticed "something was happening". King was having a conversation with her mother in her home when she stopped talking. Coretta Scott King had a blood clot move from her heart and lodge in an artery in her brain. She was hospitalized on August 16, 2005, and was set to come home as well. Alongside the physician that took care of her mother, Dr. Maggie Mermin and her sister, Yolanda told the press that her mother was making progress on a daily basis and was expected to make a full recovery. She became a spokesman for the American Heart Association after her mother's stroke, promoting a campaign to raise awareness about strokes.

That same year, she and her brother Dexter came to oppose their other brother and sister, Martin Luther King III and Bernice King, on the matter of selling the King Center. King and Dexter were in favor of sale, but their other siblings were not. After Coretta Scott King died on January 30 of the next year, Yolanda, like her siblings, attended her funeral. When asked about how she was faring following the death of her mother, Yolanda responded: "I connected with her spirit so strongly. I am in direct contact with her spirit, and that has given me so much peace and so much strength." She found her mother's personal papers in her home.

She preached in January 2007 to an audience in Ebenezer Baptist Church to be an oasis for peace and love, as well as to use her father's holiday as starting ground for their own interpretations of prejudice. She spoke on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day 2007 to attendants at the Ebenezer Baptist Church and stated: "We must keep reaching across the table and, in the tradition of Martin Luther King Jr. and Coretta Scott King, feed each other,". After her hour-long presentation, she joined her sister and her aunt, Christine King Ferris, in signing books. On May 12, 2007, days before her death, she spoke at St. Mary Medical Center, on the part of the American Stroke Association. It would be the last time she would speak on behalf of the association.

Death

On May 15, 2007, King spoke to her brother Dexter and stated that she was tired, though he thought nothing of it due to her "hectic" schedule. Around an hour later, King collapsed in the Santa Monica, California home of Philip Madison Jones, her brother Dexter King's best friend, and could not be revived. Her death came a year after her mother. Her family has speculated that her death was caused by a heart condition. In the early hours of May 19, 2007, King's body was brought to Atlanta, Georgia by private plane. Bishop Eddie Long said he offered his plane to collect her remains. A public memorial for Yolanda King was held on May 24, 2007, at Ebenezer Baptist Church Horizon Sanctuary in Atlanta, Georgia. Many in attendance did not know her, but came out of respect for the King family's history of non-violence and social justice. King was cremated, as according to her wishes. She was 51. All three of her siblings lit a candle in her memory.

Bernice King said it was "very difficult standing here blessed as her one and only sister. Yolanda, from your one and only, I thank you for being a sister and for being a friend." Martin Luther King III uttered that "Yolanda is still in business. She just moved upstairs." Maya Angelou wrote a tribute to her, which was read during the memorial service. She wrote "Yolanda proved daily that it was possible to smile while wreathed in sadness. In fact, she proved that the smile was more powerful and sweeter because it had to press itself through mournfulness to be seen, force itself through cruelty to show that the light of survival shines for us all." Many former classmates of both Grady High School and Smith College attended to remember her. Raphael Warnock stated; "She dealt with the difficulty of personal pain and public responsibility and yet ... she emerged from it all victorious. Thank you for her voice."

Ideas, influence and political stances

To the time of her death, King continued to express denial in her father's dreams and ideals being fulfilled during her lifetime. In 1993, she debunked any thought that her father's "dream" had been anything but a dream, and was quoted as saying "It's easier to build monuments than to make a better world. It seems we've stood still and in many ways gone backward since Martin Luther King Jr. was alive.", during a celebration that marked what would have been her father's sixty-fourth birthday.

Despite this, she was quoted in January 2003 of saying that she was "a 100 percent, dyed-in-the-wool, card-carrying believer in 'The Dream'. It's a dream about freedom—freedom from oppression, from exploitation, from poverty ... the dream of a nation and a world where each and every child will have the opportunity to simply be the very best that they can be." The statement was made while she was in the presence of 800 people who gathered to honor her father at the Everett Theatre. She made it clear that month that she was not trying to fill her father's footsteps, noting jokingly that "They're too big" and that she would "fall and break [her] neck". She also advocated for her father's holiday to be used as a day for helping others, and also expressed dissatisfaction on the basis of people relaxing on his day. On January 15, 1997, she spoke at Florida Memorial College and expressed what she believed her father would feel if "he knew that people were taking a day off in his memory to do nothing". She disliked cliches used to define her father and expressed this to Attallah Shabazz, and recalled having seen a play where her father was a "wimp" and carried The Bible with him everywhere.

King was an ardent activist for gay rights, as was her mother, Coretta. King protested many times over gay rights. She was among 187 people arrested during a demonstration by lesbian and gay rights activists. She stated at the Chicago's Out and Equal Workplace Summit in 2006 "If you are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender, you do not have the same rights as other Americans, you cannot marry, ... you still face discrimination in the workplace, and in our armed forces. For a nation that prides itself on liberty, justice and equality for all, this is totally unacceptable. Like her parents and siblings, King did not outright go and make any affiliation with a political party publicly. Despite this, she did voice opposition to President Ronald Reagan in his reluctance to sign Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, her father's national holiday.

Legacy

Dexter King said of his sister, "She gave me permission. She allowed me to give myself permission to be me." Jesse Jackson stated that King "lived with a lot of the trauma of our struggle. The movement was in her DNA." Joseph Lowery stated; "She was a princess and she walked and carried herself like a princess. She was a reserved and quiet person who loved acting." January 2008's issue of Ebony, her relationship with Rev. Suzan Johnson Cook was highlighted in an article written by the minister, as she dubbed her deceased longtime friend a "queen whose name was King". On May 25, 2008, her brother Martin Luther III and his wife, Andrea, became the parents of a baby girl and named her Yolanda, after his late sister. During a 2009 reunion at her alma mater Smith College, a walk was done in her memory by fellow alumni.

Portrayals in film

Yolanda has mostly been portrayed in films that revolve around her parents.

Felecia Hunter, in the 1978 television miniseries King.

Melina Nzeza as a kid and Ronda Louis-Jeune as an adult, in the 2013 television movie Betty and Coretta.

Filmography

King (1978) (mini)

Hopscotch (1980)

Death of a Prophet (1981)

No Big Deal (1983) (TV)

Talkin' Dirty After Dark (1991)

Fluke (1995)

America's Dream (1996) (TV)

Ghosts of Mississippi (1996)

Drive by: A Love Story (1997)

Our Friend, Martin (1999) (V)

Selma, Lord, Selma (1999) (TV)

Funny Valentines (1999) (TV)

The Secret Path (1999)

Chasing Secrets (1999)

Odessa (film) (2000)

JAG

Still My Little Soldier (2001)

Liberty's Kids (2002)

Cleavant Derricks, Jr. (born May 15, 1953) is an American actor and Tony Award winning singer-songwriter, who is best known for his role of Rembrandt Brown on Sliders.

Biography

Derricks was born in Knoxville, Tennessee to a pianist mother Cecile G. and Baptist preacher/composer Cleavant Derricks, Sr., famous for his popular gospel music hymn Just a Little Talk with Jesus. His twin brother is actor and musician Clinton Derricks-Carroll. Derricks began his career as a Nashville gospel songwriter. With his father, he wrote the gospel album Satisfaction Guaranteed. He was the musical director and composer for the musical When Hell Freezes Over I'll Skate.

Derricks went to New York City to study acting with Vinnette Carroll at the Urban Arts Theatre. He received rave reviews for his performance in her Broadway shows, including But Never Jam Today. He also won a Tony Award and Drama Desk Award for creating the role of James "Thunder" Early in Dreamgirls. Off-Broadway he was in the William Finn musical Romance in Hard Times in 1989. He also starred in the Broadway musical Brooklyn as the Streetsinger.

Soon afterwards, Derricks appeared in films such as Moscow on the Hudson, Neil Simon's The Slugger's Wife and recently, Wes Craven's Carnival of Souls. He was a series regular on the television series Thea with Thea Vidale and Brandy, and Good Sports with Farrah Fawcett and Ryan O'Neal. His role as Rembrandt Brown on Sliders with Jerry O'Connell, Sabrina Lloyd and John Rhys-Davies was the only Sliders character to appear throughout the entire series. In addition, Derricks has had numerous guest-starring roles in series such as Roseanne, A Different World, Miami Vice, Spenser: For Hire, Charmed and many others.

Filmography

Discography

Dreamgirls: Original Broadway Cast Album (1982)

Beginnings (1999)

Brooklyn (2004)