#02252025

junk (the hands yearn for life drawing but the brain has to imagine it)

I only really think about coming on here when I know im in a headspace where i know i shouldnt be. my world is kinda fucked a little right now, but its kinda hard to show how its really effecting me. we bought a house in july last year, didnt think id be in a situation of having to worry about money like that in a while. Until now. getting laid off in 2022 was probably the best thing that could have happened. I was able to live life like a college kid again without the partying. I was on my own time, and was basically able to do whatever i wanted outside of classes. Even after i finished grad school i was able to travel a little and just do shit i want to do. but now its a bit different. I know I still have a lot of time and its only been a few weeks since ive found out that my contact is getting cut, but its fucking scary. We have a mortgage now, actual bills to pay for. its fucking discouraging when I hear from my friends that i wouldnt have an issue at all finding a job, but I am barely getting any bites on applications and i get all fucked up during conversations. I cant be like trust me, i know ill be good at this job. Because i know where ever i get into jobwise, i always get to a high level qucikly but it doesnt translate into a resume or an short conversation.