#01.18.16

Paget Brewster, Josh Peck & Christina Milian on the set of Grandfathered “Some Guy I’m Seeing” 1.19 

Because honestly, the lies you tell no longer affect me. The words you concur Sound so absurd; I just can’t think of anything crazier I’ve ever heard.

Be real yo. No, cut the slang but stay raw though. I peep you on those twenty of ones Over there counting acting like you don’t know which number you was on; I see you goon Do what you do. But don’t act surprised when I go ghost on you.

See the glow up is real on this side: Grass all green, Streets all clean. Oh, but you stay mean… On yo’ side.

Meanwhile I’m chillin’; Straight grillin’. Not even these streets, but these meats on my grill. Not these cops down these blocks, but these words in Bible; its trill. For real.

Yo bro, I mean no disrespect. Peep me on this. Talking all these words and I’m not even finished yet.

Look. You probably not gonna hear me anyway, But look.

I see what you see. I know what you know. And yet this is the way I chose to go. Everyday I wake up Confused as hell as to where I’m suppose to be. Then I put on my shoes and next thing I know I’m free.

It ain’t easy. It ain’t even always fun, But it’s life.

You twist your fingers out of pride Meanwhile another brotha dies. Then what? A sister? A father? A mother? You proud?

Jump off for a sec and forget the world. Pretend it’s just you out here- Ain’t no money, Ain’t no girl- Just you in these clouds you use to twirl Back when you’d be so high you were in another world.

Now look. You standing on a cloud; Don’t ask how Just hear me out. You standing there Fits in the air, But a roar so small it ain’t even clear Man, can YOU hear?

When you look in the mirror I bet you’re confused; Wondering who that is looking back at you. Wondering if he’s better Out here doing good All while you’re on the side reppin’ the hood. That’s cool; You’re proud of your home, But look at all that don’t belong: The violence, All that crying don’t need to be there. Shut the f*ck up twisting them damn fingers in the air! That don’t need to be there!

Change the game! Reality is such a matter of your mentality You can rearrange the whole system if you just turned on the light. But show people the truth and they’ll ask for proof. Be ready. Stay ready. Stay woke to these jokes they keep trying to pass as sermons. That ain’t the God you serve telling you to ignore him and not her; Telling you to spend more and cry less; Telling you to distract yourself with this hot mess in which we continue to invest Not even our money, but betting our souls. Our selfies gaining more heat while our hearts stay cold. Out here smiling then getting mad because they don’t know that you’re hurt.

Stop lying You’re dying. Out here pretending to be something your not. Out here acting like you’ve got a good thing when you know she’s a thot. Why aren’t you hot?

Mad at the wrong things. Yelling at weak girls for becoming queens. How dare you cuss out her royalty! Just because her crown shows you all that you’ve been told you can never be; A lie you chose to believe. A cut that can’t bleed. You can’t be healed until you break the seal that’s been hiding you from yourself. Until you face the man who brought you down, you can’t know the one that’ll bring you up.

Don’t be mad at her because she can show you up. Winning at a game you taught her to play Now she’s out here yelling say my name and you don’t even have one. Forgot who are and so here comes the gun.

Stop. Go back to your cloud and find out who you are. Stand on that mountain and shout to the stars. Do what you got to do to get off start. Stay woke to who’s inside before you miss it Because goon I swear This is the best part.

As embarrassing as this is for me, I’m going to post my measurements so that I can keep myself accountable, and also see where I’ve gone when they go down, or if they go up (hopefully that doesn’t occur though!). I’m looking to get to my pre baby weight and measurements by July this year! I think it’s a practical goal, so I’m going to go for it hard!

Current measurement:

Arms (biceps)—> 10.5 inches Bust ————> 38.5 inches Above bust —–> 36 inches Waist/belly —–> 37 inches Hips————> 40 inches Inner thigh——> 24 inches Calf————-> 14 inches

Pre baby measurements:

Arms (biceps)—> 9.5 inches (-1 in) Bust ————> 34 inches (-4.5 in) Above bust —–> 33 inches (-3 in) Waist/belly —–> 31 inches (-6 in) Hips————> 38 inches (-2in) Inner thigh——> 22 inches (-2 in) Calf————-> 13 inches (-1 in)

The saga continues today. Or so we thought lol. My friends and I actually planned out to lie low with things and act cold towards everyone. But that did not happen, of course. We were our usual jolly selves but I know that somehow, we are now learning to hold back. However, I’m still pissed at both of my classmates I have been talking about. So apparently, I was not talking to them and ignoring them as much as I can. I am tired of showing people that I care. I just lost all the fucks to give. Our school day started with a mass to celebrate the feast of the Sto. Niño. The day went fast and we were just chilling most of the time. I was mostly with one of my best friends, Czina. We were just having good laughs with our other friends and having real conversations every now and then. By the end of the last subject, and the start of practice, we were roaming almost the whole school because we did not want to settle down. But then we decided to just be inside the classroom and have a good talk, just the two of us. It turned out really well, we were talking about everything and losing our shits from time to time. We talked about Alma Moreno and fucked up her interview was. We talked about the guy who has been caught up with her for the past few months. I gave her few advices which, I hope, would help her in a way. I’m really fond with those kind of conversations especially with the people I am also very fond with. Looking forward for more exhausting but calm days.