#001022

After a rather hearty breakfast the boys bought some supplies they'd need for the road as well as more toiletries, Loke figured it'd be a while before they see more of those, and once they were ready they looked over the map, chose the route and headed on their way.

Every morning during breakfast the boys would look over the map and choose the route, most times it was dependent on things Jelani wanted to see and explore, he was fond of exploring old ruins. The map Loke had was called a "caravan map", it was a very up to date map of the Wasteland, the map was full of scribbles and writing indicating safe routes, towns, cities, settlements both big and small, danger zones and everything one would need to know while exploring the Wastes. It was usually updated every six months by traders and caravans that dared cross the Wasteland, not only did they bring goods and services they also brought information, as such caravan maps were far more expensive than regular maps. It set Loke back about two hundred caps. It was a worthy investment, if he was to travel with his kid brother he wanted to make sure the routes he picked were safe, he wanted to know which areas were dangerous and how far or close towns, cities, and settlements were. Sure, it took away that sense of adventure of exploring but he wasn't there on some grand adventure looking for danger, he was trying to leave the past where he needed it to be: in the past.

They may not be in some grand adventure full of danger and discoveries but in their own way they were. Traveling brought it's own sense of wonder, sometimes they'd camp out in some truly gorgeous forest, beautiful plains, sometimes they'd wander into caves, old bunkers, historical buildings, interact with people from different places and talk to them for a while before leaving. People like Rowan and his little sister Juniper.

A smile formed on Loke's face as he remembered him, he had a gorgeous smile. His smile widened as he remembered Jelani and Juniper walking in on them mid fuck and the awkward silence between all four of them as they stared at each other. It hadn't been until Loke asked Jelani to close the door that they all broke into laughter, as the kids took off to keep wandering the building he and Rowan had gone back to what they were doing. He wondered if they made it to their family's home yet. A part of him was glad he'd been able to spend that night with him, a rare occurrence for Loke be able to be around others his age and oddly enough both were in a sort of similar situation, both older brothers taking care of their younger siblings though Rowan and Juniper had family waiting for them, Loke and Jelani had no such luck. They're all they had. It made Loke a little sad to listen to Rowan talk about his many aunts and uncles, so many cousins and even half siblings waiting for them in Georgia but he liked how his face lit up and he wasn't the type to rain on other people's parade with his own problems. That "O, woe is me and my problems" dramatization wasn't something Loke would do, he had his problems, his own traumas but he tried his best to bury them as deep as he was able to even if they snuck up on him in the dead of night in the form of crying spells. On more than one occasion he had to leave in the middle of the night to find somewhere to cry and let it all out. Grief like that wasn't easy to get rid of no matter how much he tried to push it away.

The older Jelani got the more he reminded Loke of their mother. She was strong and smart but so curious about everything, Jelani was pretty much a damn near perfect replica of her. Even if his eye color was different than hers it still felt exactly like hers. It was hard to explain. Looking in a mirror was sometimes a test to see how long he could look before the tears fell, he looked so much like Ingvarr, it was almost eerie. While Jelani had Sanaa's eyes, he had Ingvarr's eyes, not in terms of color but almost like in spirit. Both of them were living reminders of what Loke lost. Not just Loke, Jelani lost them too but having been so young he often admitted he wasn't able to recollect even what they looked like. Astrid once said that maybe Jelani does remember but having been so young he didn't know how to process it and his brain decided to erase them to avoid the trauma is having lost his parents at such a young age. Truth was only Jelani knew for sure and Loke wasn't about to dig into that topic, if he really didn't remember them he counted it as a blessing, if it's what Astrid said then he thought it best to forget and spare himself the trauma. Either way, he carried the grief for both of them.

Loke blinked his tears away and wiped his nose with his sleeve as he kept walking. The further away he got from DC the more his memories haunted him. He often told himself there was nothing left for them back there. Just painful memories and a rage that lit Loke up from the inside.

"I love you."

Loke stopped and looked down to see Jelani holding Loke's hand, his pale blue eyes looking up at him with concern, almost on the verge of tears himself. It was then he noticed he'd been breathing heavily and had been crying, tears were running down his face. He turned to look at his little brother and knelt down in front of him, he looked so much like their mom. He tried to force a smile but failed to do so. He grabbed Jelani and hugged him tightly though it only served to make him cry some more and now that Jelani had been aware of his crying he let the tears fall as well as let the weeping and sobbing out. Jelani hugged him as tightly as he could and let Loke rest his head on his shoulders.

Between sobs and gasps Loke let out a strenuous and shaky, "I love you too."

The boys had stopped to let Loke catch his breath and to calm down. They took the opportunity to indulge in a snack and some water while Jelani tried his best to cheer his brother up. While he was playing with the others kids at Rest Stop he heard plenty of gossip from them too. It seemed to do the trick, Loke always loved hearing some good bit of gossip despite his claims of not being a gossip himself. He always claimed it didn't make him a gossip because he never passed it forward, he kept it to himself and Jelani.

Once they finished their snacks and Loke stopped crying the boys continued on their way. The chosen route didn't have much in the way of interesting stops, it was a long stretch of trees as far as the eye could see, green grass and a noticeable path from people constantly walking that same direction. The occasional traveler and caravan passed by the boys. It was both a relief and tense feeling. While in towns, cities and even settlements people within them acted a certain way, most people were friendly or approachable especially caravans and traders trying to sell their goods or services. Most people were happy to help others and were more than happy to answer any questions. Out on the road everyone was hit with a dose of paranoia, whether it was healthy or not was up to interpretation. When people passed by Loke would keep his gaze forward though his eyes studied the people approaching. He'd grab Jelani's hand tightly with one hand and with the other he'd loosely let it fall and hover around his revolver. Jelani would easily pick up on the tension and would tense up as well, he wasn't exactly too sure of the reason for it but Loke never told him to keep his eyes forward, he let him look. Part of him figured no one would pay attention to a small kid and what he was looking at, either way, his training would kick into high gear and he'd memorize what he was seeing. More often than not people passing by would nod as if to greet and also let Loke know they didn't want any trouble and he'd nod back in return. That was as much interaction as you'd get out on the road.

For lunch the boys veered off the road and followed a small and barely visible trail that led to what they guessed was once a home, all that was left was the foundation of the building and some burned up furniture. It seemed to have either burned down or have been blown up long ago, scavengers had clearly been through the place and took everything they could and was worth selling. The rest was either worthless or couldn't be salvaged.

They ate their lunch in relative silence, the most talking that was done was Loke asking if Jelani was alright with the food and the reminder that if he didn't like it they could always trade. As they ate their meal Jelani kept staring at the rifle next to Loke and part of him was drawn to it. It was a lever-action rifle modified to use .44 magnum rounds instead of the 10mm rounds most of the rifles used back in DC. While old the rifle was very well taken care of, Jelani traced his eyes over the rifle, he knew how to take it apart, clean it properly, oil it, and put it back together. He knew the ins and outs of the weapon and yet Loke didn't let him carry a gun even while out on the road. He found himself asking his brother why but Loke would often say he wasn't ready to actually carry firearms yet. This often frustrated Jelani. He could take them apart and reassemble them far faster than Loke could, he knew how to care for them and clean them, he knew the names of every single piece of a wide range of firearms by heart, his trigger discipline was better than most adults according to Loke himself, he was able to modify most pistols and rifles, he had a 91% accuracy rating with pistols and non-automatic rifles, and had started training with their mother's sniper rifle since he was 8-years-old. He felt he was ready to carry even an unmodified N99.

He didn't argue this with Loke, there was no point in doing so. Even at his age he figured Loke was waiting for signs of maturity within him and throwing a temper tantrum over being able to carry a firearm wouldn't help his case. He didn't let the idea and desire fester within him though, he just made it a point to pay close attention during training to do better than the previous day.

As they finished lunch Jelani noticed Loke was preoccupied with the sky and the weather. He said there was a faint smell of rain in the air and that the air itself was a touch too chilly and the wind was noticeable. He asked him why it mattered but Loke gave no definitive answer.

The siblings continued on their way. There was a massive town that was about two days and a half away from their current location and while they had plenty of clean water, food, snacks and ammunition it was always a good idea to stop, rest, and restock their supplies. As they walked Jelani would occasionally look at Loke and made sure he was alright. He knew the death of their parents had affected him greatly and while he didn't fully understand, or better said, couldn't relate to such grief he equated it to losing Loke and the thought of losing him was painful, like a pain deep in his chest and stomach unlike any he had ever experienced before in his life. The thought of waking up one day and not seeing Loke asleep near him scared him, he figured that was what Loke was experiencing every so often. Sometimes he'd wake up in the middle of the night and would see Loke curled up and he'd hear small and quiet sniffles coming from him. It took every bit of strength he had in him not to curl up beside him and hold him but Jelani knew to let him have those moments to himself. He may be young but he knew that whenever Loke became aware of Jelani he'd stop crying and would swallow his grief and carry on as if nothing was wrong but whenever he did that he seemed robotic and automated like he currently was. He was walking and looking ahead, probably wasn't aware of Jelani looking at him from time to time. His eyes look glazed over.

"You can talk to me, you know."

Loke was surprised by the sudden break of silence. He looked down and saw Jelani looking up at him waiting for a response.

"I do." He looked back with a look of surprise.

"No, I mean…" For a moment he hesitated. He wasn't sure of where to take the conversation, he wasn't even sure if the conversation was a good idea but he kept pushing forward, "I mean, you can talk to me about Mom and Dad."

"No point."

"I know you got stuck with me—"

"Jelani, I did not get stuck with you." Loke said with a sharpness in his tone, he looked down at him and furrowed his brow but just as quickly he softened his features. "Truth is…I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing…never mind." He chastised himself for being careless. There was so much he hid from Jelani, he didn't want him to know certain things, mostly pertaining to him, and that was one of them. Just one of the many things he swallowed and buried.

"I'm not little anymore—well…in the grand scheme of things I am still little but I'm not that little anymore."

"Look, Jay—"

"I know what you meant." Jelani confessed. "I just wanted you to tell me yourself. You swallow and bottle everything up and one way or another it's gonna come out whether it's walking down a long road or when you think I'm asleep and you cry yourself to sleep."

Loke swallowed hard as he felt the burning sensation in his eyes, an all too common and known sensation he'd been acquainted with for almost a decade now, there was also a burning sensation across his face. He hadn't known about Jelani knowing about any of that, he tried to be so careful not to let Jelani see him like that, mostly to avoid conversations like the one they were currently having but to also feign some semblance of strength as to not worry him. He was the one that was supposed to take care of his little brother, not the other way around. An archaic way of thinking but one he'd clung onto as a way to find purpose in his life, not to mention it was his nature as an older brother and a protective one at that.

"Do you remember when I told you that I didn't like it when you'd refer to me as a girl?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, it took me a long time to tell you because I was afraid you'd get mad at me but I had to tell you because every time you did I got mad because it didn't feel right. I also didn't know why it felt wrong and I wanted to know why it felt that way. So if I hadn't told you you'd still be calling me your little sister and I wouldn't have known why I felt that way."

Loke was flabbergasted. He understood exactly what Jelani was trying to convey. Whether he was using himself as a form of manipulation was up for debate but he didn't care at the moment, in fact, he wouldn't ever care. He was stunned at an 11-year-old's way of communicating to him what he needed to hear. He shouldn't have been surprised though. Loke often said that kids were not stupid and they knew far more than they let on, this was especially true for his own little brother. Ever observant. Ever analyzing.

"I don't talk about Mom and Dad because even now it still hurts. I miss them and…uh…and I guess part of me doesn't know what I'm doing and I'm scared I might mess up. I'm scared I might hurt you. I'm scared I might lose you. I'm scared. I'm terrified actually. You're all I have left and if I lost you too I think I'd lose me too. Just…gone. Believe it or not I'm trying the best that I can, I'm trying to keep you safe, happy, and healthy. I don't know if I'm doing any of this right. It feels like I don't know anything and half the time I'm guessing. Maybe I'm trying way too hard. I don't know. It feels selfish but most of the time I miss Mom and Dad because I don't have them to guide me through it anymore and that scares the fuck out of me. I'm pissed off at them as well. Why the fuck did both of them go off to fight those raiders? It doesn't make any sense! They shoulda stayed home, grabbed us and gotten all our asses into Megaton and then gotten us all the fuck out of DC! But oh no, no, they had to arm up and go after a pack of rabid raiders, got killed and left us—left a kid to look after a toddler! Who the fuck does that!?" Loke's voice broke at the end. He stopped in the middle of the road and lowered his head as he placed one hand on his hip and the other was used to muffle his sobbing.

Jelani stopped and turned around to look at Loke. He was silently watching his brother while trying to fight the urge to hug him. He needed this and a hug would stall the entire thing.

"I hate that they did that but I can't bring myself to hate them. I hate that that guy from Megaton came to our door and told me my parents had been killed fending off some raiders. I hate the fact that two highly skilled and deadly soldiers got one upped by some lowly shit eating raiders. I hate the fact that I had to stop being a kid overnight and started being both mom and dad instead of your big brother. I hate the fact that your life is in the palm of my hands when I don't know what fuck I'm doing! I don't know what the fuck I'm doing and it's not fucking fair!" Loke's legs gave out and he fell to the ground with a solid thud as he screamed. He wanted to lay down and pass out, for once he just wanted to malfunction and not give a damn. For once he didn't want to have to be strong or capable. He wanted to disintegrate into nothing. As he sobbed and cried, like he'd never cried before, like the years of grief he hadn't allowed himself to feel flowed through and out of his body, he brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs and let his head collapse with a thud into his arms and kept crying. He thought he had no more tears to shed.

"I love you." He sobbed. "You will never know how much I love you because if it wasn't for you I woulda killed myself years ago. If it wasn't for you I woulda given up. When I answered the door and he told me that Mom and Dad were gone I just stopped, like, everything stopped and…" Loke trailed off unsure of what else to say or even if there was more to say. He just cried.

Jelani had kept his distance and merely watched, he cried as he watched his older brother break into pieces right before his eyes. He wasn't crying for himself, he cried for his older brother, every time he spoke and his voice broke something within him shattered. To him Loke was the epitome of strength and courage and to see him broken and crying felt like everything had gone wrong with the world, like the bombs had fallen all over again and the world ended for a second time. Once Loke stopped talking he walked up to him, sat next to him and cuddled up to him.

"You wanna hold on to Mom?" Jelani whispered as he held his brother.

Loke merely nodded as he continued to cry. Jelani let go of him for a moment and reached into his shirt and removed a single dogtag with a scratched out logo of the Enclave on one side and Sanaa's information on the other side. As he held the tag in his hands he felt a bit of sadness wash over him, having his mom right now to help ease Loke's pain would've been ideal but she wasn't there, she'd never be there ever again. Jelani placed the tag over Loke and reached into his shirt to bring out their dad's dog tag so both could silently sit around Loke's neck. It wasn't much but it was all they had of their parents and both carried them with a deep sense of pride. Both soldiers that had gone AWOL. Sanaa, part of the feared and dreaded Enclave, Ingvarr, part of the elite group of soldiers known as veteran rangers with the NCR. Their own reputations tainted in the eyes of many, Ingvarr himself being one of them. Sanaa had grown disillusioned with the Enclave at a very young age though she excelled in her training to prepare her for her own escape from the group. When Jelani let go of Sanaa's tag it clinked as it hit Ingvarr's. He preferred to carry his mom with him but there was something soothing about seeing both tags together. There wasn't much to say so Jelani went back to hugging Loke.

After some time passed Jelani figured they couldn't stay in the middle of the road so he got back up and looked around. He suddenly remembered the map and reached into Loke's jacket to grab it and take a look, he measured their location, or at least the closest he figured they were. Apparently to the south side of the road there was a location marked in the map as a caravan safe house. He knew of those. Caravan people often used them to rest or spend the night in them, as a thank you they'd leave something behind that could be useful to someone else, He'd make sure they left something. He guessed where south was given the direction they were walking and the location in the map as well as corroborating with the location of the sun.

Loke was non-responsive, he was half awake but he wasn't responding to anything Jelani was asking. He figured it was time to take the reigns. Loke had been taking care of him his entire life, now it was his turn to take care of him. He managed to get Loke up to his feet and grabbed his hand and guided him, he never asked where they were headed or even pulled back, he just went wherever Jelani guided him, every so often Jelani could hear him sniffle. He appreciated the fact that it couldn't have been easy to do what he did, letting out all those bottled up feelings must have drained him almost completely. Jelani knew what to do though.

A few minutes from the road was a quaint and small little Victorian style house. The paint was mostly peeled off but from the outside it looked sturdy and clean enough though some of the second floor windows were boarded up, might have been a quick fix for broken windows. The boys passed by a crooked sign that said "safe" in big bold red paint, underneath it Jelani could make out something along the words of bed and breakfast, whatever that meant. He was hoping there was no one else in the house though he wouldn't have a problem sharing a space with other people, this was only temporary until Loke could manage to start moving again.

He sat Loke on a chair on the porch and peeked inside, there seemed to be no movement though there was a second floor, maybe someone could've been upstairs. He looked up and saw an oil lantern, it was off, according to traders and caravans if a safe house was occupied it was asked of occupants to light the lanterns to let other people know if there were people in the building. It was first come, first serve. If the group that occupied a safe house first weren't keen on sharing a space they were under no obligation to do so. With it being off Jelani figured it was safe to go in though he wanted to make sure it was actually safe. He reached into Loke's backpack and grabbed the loaded N99. He ejected the magazine and checked that it was loaded, he checked the chamber, and made sure the safety was still on. He grasped the pistol in his hand and with the other opened the front door, he carefully removed the safety and as if hearing Loke's voice echoing in his head he kept his trigger finger away from the trigger as he aimed the gun up making sure to keep it away from his head.

He quietly checked the inside of the building but before moving on he checked behind the door. He moved on from the entrance to the living room, checked all closets he came across and though most were empty or had some clothing, most likely left by previous occupants, there seemed to be no eminent danger. He carefully made his way towards the kitchen. He checked every drawer, every cupboard and even the fridge. As ridiculous as it felt as he searched he could hear Loke in the back of his head telling him it was better to be safe than sorry. As he made his way to the stairs he found a closed door on the wall of the stairs, he carefully opened it while aiming the gun and saw that it was the basement. He shuddered as he looked into the darkness that seemed to somehow peer back at him. As he shook his head he closed the door and grabbed a chair from the kitchen to barricade the door. There was no need for either of them to go down into the basement and they had a tendency to creep him out.

After that was done he made his way to the second floor and made a sweep of every single room including the closets and even pulled the shower's curtain aside. Everything seemed to be in order. He put the gun's safety back on and cheerily made his way down to the porch where Loke was, he grabbed their backpacks and placed them in the living room and then went to get Loke. He gently grabbed both of his hands and led him into the living room and sat him down on the sofa that was facing a fireplace, Jelani made a mental note to turn it on a little later after the sun went down and it got chillier. He took the N99 and placed it back exactly where he found it, he let out a giggle as he placed it back, it was fun wielding it even if it was for checking the premises.

"I'm sorry, little guy." Loke said as he continued to sit almost frozen in place, his eyes were still glazed over and half closed.

"It's okay, Spots." Jelani said, his tone was soft and gentle. He stood in front of Loke and held his hands as gently as he could. "We're a team, right? You take care of me and I take care of you."

Loke carefully placed his forehead on Jelani's and closed his eyes for a moment as he inhaled and sighed. He felt tired and exposed but even as tired as he was he gently nuzzled his little brother's nose with his which caused Jelani to giggle gleefully.

"Love you!" Jelani said as he continued to giggle.

"Really?"

"Really, really!" Jelani declared as he nuzzled him back and hugged him as tight as he could.

Loke laid down on the sofa and quickly fell asleep, it wasn't long before he was snoring loudly, it always made Jelani laugh but it put him at ease too. He knew that Loke only did that when he was really asleep and actually resting. Before he could forget Jelani grabbed a lighter and went outside to light the lantern in case any travelers came around.

It was still too early for dinner and with Loke fast asleep, the house secure, and with nothing else to do Jelani had two choices: play on the Pip-Boy or read. He chose to read. He rummaged through his backpack and took the book he started to read several days ago, 'I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings', he moved one of the seats closer to the sofa, curled up with a bottle of clean water, some snacks, and spent a few hours reading.

When he noticed a shift in the natural lighting Jelani looked up and noticed the sun was starting to set. He sighed contently knowing he'd tackled about ninety pages. He finished the last paragraph of the page, marked his place using an old dried out flower, placed the book back into his backpack and looked over at Loke, he was still fast asleep."Good." He thought to himself as he made his way into the kitchen to start making dinner.

The kitchen was adequately stocked with utensils, plates, bowls, pots and pans. He tried the sink but no water came out, he wasn't surprised though he gave it a try anyway, it was rare but some houses did have running water thanks to Wasteland ingenuity and stubbornness. He perked up when he remembered that as he looked through the cupboards there were a few gallons of water though he wasn't sure if it was clean or not so he went to Loke's backpack and grabbed the old Geiger counter and ran back to the water. Loke always told him to make sure to check any water he comes across no matter how clean it looks. Just because it looked clean it didn't mean it was. As the gadget lit up the readings came back as normal which was a relief but he still had to boil the water. After he put the Geiger counter back he ran back into the kitchen and put two of the largest pots with plenty of water to boil so they could take a bath. He put two smaller ones to boil to use that water to clean and prepare the meal. He went through a mental checklist Loke had made him learn years ago for such cases. He took no shortcuts, shortcuts meant contaminated food and contaminated food meant getting very sick. As he prepared the food he also cleaned whatever he wasn't using anymore, he wanted to leave the kitchen exactly as he found it: spotless and organized.

Dinner didn't take too long to prepare, he served both plates, placed them on the table and covered them as he wanted to take a bath before eating so he carefully grabbed one of the large pots and took it to the bathroom upstairs, he then went to grab some clean clothes and went back upstairs to take a bath. Normally he liked cool and fresh water but as the temperature dropped he figured the warm water would feel good. He didn't mind being out on the road but he missed the convenience of being in an actual house, he'd happily take a mattress over a sleeping bag any day. They'd been on the road for a few weeks already and the novelty of sleeping under the stars or both he and Loke jumping into a non-radiated creek to take a bath was wearing thin. He wasn't sure just how far from DC Loke wanted to get, sometimes it felt like he wanted to leave the planet altogether, but he figured they were far enough away. He'd checked the map himself and they seemed to be at least a week away from a place called New Vegas. He'd talk it over with Loke at a later date, for now he wanted to enjoy a well deserved and rather invigorating bath.

After he was done taking a bath and getting dressed he was going to sit down and eat but stopped as he passed by the living room. Loke always waited for him, he knew Jelani was a very picky eater and he always made sure to wait for him to see if he liked the meal before eating, it only felt right to return the favor. Jelani walked up to Loke and very carefully shook him while calling him.

"Spots."

Loke groaned as he opened his eyes and looked around haphazardly.

"Wh—what is it? Where are we?" He was disoriented. Perhaps it was from the long nap or his earlier breakdown.

"We're in a safe house." Jelani answered with a rather happy look on his face but as he saw Loke looking around he began to frown. "You don't remember walking over here?"

"Not really, no." He said as he pulled the blanket off himself while sitting up.

"Well, that's okay." Jelani took a step back and faced his brother while he stood straight up and held his hands behind his back almost like a soldier reporting to a commander. "I checked the premises, there was no one inside. I checked every room, every closet, every drawer, cupboard and even the fridge…except for the basement…it was dark and creepy so I barricaded it with a chair. Boiled water for both of us to take a bath, I already took a bath, and I made dinner."

"You made dinner?" Loke said as he yawned and rubbed one of his eyes. He looked towards the dinning room and saw two covered plates neatly placed on it and then looked back at Jelani and smiled. "Baby, you didn't have to do that, you should've woken me up."

"I wanted to let you sleep and rest. Don't worry, I checked the water with the Geiger thing and it wasn't radiated but I still boiled every bit of water I used and I cleaned all the food before I prepared it like ya taught me."

Loke couldn't help but smile. He leaned forward and ruffled Jelani's hair as he said, "You're fucking adorable, you know that?"

"I know." Jelani giggled as he relaxed his posture. "You wanna take a bath before dinner or after?"

"After, I'm actually pretty hungry."

The truth was that Loke wasn't exactly hungry, he was just tired and wanted to keep sleeping but seeing as how Jelani went through the trouble of making dinner he figured he'd eat, surprisingly the meal looked and smelled great. Not that he doubted his brother's ability to cook a meal but it was the first time he did so unsupervised. The more he ate the more he found his appetite returning to him to the point of getting seconds, which was unlike him, he usually let Jelani have a go and only then Loke would scrape whatever was left for himself. He felt selfish doing so.

Both were silent as they ate their dinner, wasn't uncommon but Loke felt there was something hanging in the air, something unspoken though he wasn't sure if it was something he wanted to say or if it was something Jelani wanted to say. At some point he put the fork down and just stared at his brother. Jelani was not the type to lie, as far as kids were concerned he was damn near perfect. He never fought with Loke, he never got into serious trouble—aside from that time he was caught hacking into one of the neighbor's terminal on a dare. Yet Loke always wondered about something, not in a malicious way, but he often wondered.

"Jela?" Loke hesitated, there'd been enough talk of the past to last a lifetime, yet he needed to ask. "If I ask you something you promise to be honest with me?"

"What's up?"

"Do you uh…" He kept hesitating. Maybe he just didn't know if he'd be able to process the answer and in some wretched way that twisted his insides he wasn't sure if he'd believe any answer he'd give him. "Do you really not remember Mom and Dad?"

"Kinda remember what they looked like. Mostly I remember Mom had a really soft voice, sometimes she'd sing and you'd join her in singing. Dad would just watch and smile. Just bits here and there, nothing concrete, you know?"

Loke remembered that. Sanaa had a beautiful and soft voice, she loved to sing while she did chores around the house. He did remember joining in from time to time. Sanaa would turn the radio on to either Agatha's station or GNR and would sing along to the songs, everyone knew the lyrics by the time they were old enough to talk, GNR just repeated the same songs over and over, like somehow the war had destroyed every other record that existed. He felt satisfied with that answer and felt a rotten feeling in the pit of his stomach for having doubted Jelani, the topic was a sensitive one and Loke just seemed to be looking for some semblance of an answer though he wasn't sure where. He carried so much grief and while he was thankful that Jelani didn't he was envious of him. How would he mourn his parents if he didn't remember much about them and didn't feel so attached? Part of him wanted to forget them but part of him tried so hard to keep their memory alive in his head, it was maddening.

"I kinda feel bad that I don't remember much about them." Jelani said and Loke blinked rapidly as if Jelani's words had broken his concentration. "There's some stuff but sometimes their faces are a bit blurry. I guess I loved them but not as much as I love you. You're all I know." Jelani's brows furrowed and he looked serious for a moment like a thought crossed his mind that he'd rather not entertain but couldn't help. "Loke?"

Loke looked at Jelani, it was rare to hear him call him but his name instead of a nickname, it almost felt like static in his ears.

"Promise you won't die." There was a shake in his voice that sent a shiver up Loke's spine.

"Oh, honey, I can't promise that."

"Please?" Tears were beginning to form on the corner of his eyes.

"Hey, hey, come on, little guy." Loke stood up and walked over to his little brother and knelt to be eye to eye with him. He gently cupped his face in his hands and wiped away a stray tear with his thumb. "I can't promise that but no matter what I'll be with you. I'll probably be with you until you're really, really old and we're holed up in some underground bunker with a bunch of old dogs and scaring the locals for shits and giggles probably drunk off some 2oo-year-old beer. Okay?"

"Okay…but you better last that long." Jelani sniffled as he hugged Loke tightly and rested his head on his shoulder. Loke returned the hug and closed his eyes and just took in the moment. He hated seeing Jelani cry it felt like a punch to the gut, he tried so hard to make sure that he's happy that sometimes he forgot that the death of their parents, the very subject of it, also affected him as much as it affected Loke. After a few seconds he picked up Jelani and brought him to the living room and sat him down on the seat that had been pushed up against the sofa, patted him and gave him a kiss on the top of his head.

"I'll take care of the dishes, honey. No training tonight I'm kind of out of it and tired. Read or play on the Pip-Boy while I clean the dishes and take a bath."

"Okay." Jelani replied sheepishly.

After cleaning the dishes Loke grabbed some clothes, a towel, the only one he had, grabbed the water that Jelani had boiled earlier which he figured was more than likely cold by now and went upstairs to take a bath. Loke wasn't one for finding comfort in water but taking a bath just felt meditative to him. Like the water and soap washed away everything not just the day's grime and dust but today it felt truer than other times, part of him was still numb from breaking down earlier, he was glad he'd managed to just lay down and sleep for as long as he did. It felt cathartic, like some type of pressure was released from an infected wound. That's how he felt most of the time, like an infected wound that was left out to fester. He hated the feeling. It was draining and holding on to old wounds was counterproductive, he had better things to do and yet he couldn't let it go. He felt cheated like he'd been forbidden to choose what to do with his life and was forced to do what he was currently doing and he hated feeling that way. He meant it when he told Jelani that he wasn't stuck with him but at the same time he was. It was a rotten and disgusting feeling to think that, he imagined it was what drinking acid and liquid radiation was like. How could he feel like he was stuck with his own brother? He's the only family he has left and he wasn't about to abandon his little brother just because he felt depressed about losing his parents and being forced to become a parent at just seventeen.

As he lathered up the soap in his hands he shook his head. Aside from grief there was an anger deep inside him that every so often would peek out and make itself known to him and he hated it too. And yet he thought about himself back when he was fifteen in his room late at night wishing to see the Wasteland for himself and it was exactly what he was doing at that very moment. Since they left DC they'd seen a lot of things they never would've seen if they'd stayed in DC, they saw different animals, saw different towns, places with actual vegetation, as weird as it looked and even sounded at times, saw and met so many different people, made temporary friends, temporary enemies and saw fascinating sights. Even better was the fact that he wasn't alone to experience it. He had his little brother who found glee and joy in everything they saw together. Every ruin was exciting to Jelani, he'd run head on to explore testing Loke's stamina to try and keep up with him. Everything and everyone was exciting for him, like the Wasteland was a wonder to him that needed to be thoroughly explored. Loke loved that about Jelani, his innocence made everything so much more exciting to experience and it was contagious. He often found himself smiling as he watched his little brother exploring some old ruin and trying to find information about the place or making up what they, mostly he, thought the ruin used to be before the war. It was adorable in every sense of the word. Most days Loke felt happy and he genuinely smiled having Jelani around, even on those days where he wasn't feeling well he knew Jelani could sense it and he did everything he could try to make Loke feel better, he'd succeed at it too. Feeling his little hand wrap around his and his soft "I love you"s were enough to pull him back from going further into the abyss. He might be small but one hug would always be enough to warm Loke up at his core and he'd find his port in the storm. Without his little brother he never would've lasted that long, he wasn't stuck with him, he was saved by him.

This new line of thought felt rejuvenating and gave him a different perspective into his current situation. He was sure it would take a while to get over the sudden death of his parents but he figured he'd get there eventually. Jelani wasn't holding him back from doing whatever he wanted with his life, he was the one holding himself back. He had to admit that before Astrid and Jørgen had been murdered by raiders he had a good thing going. He'd managed to get in with a small independent group of mercenaries; he always looked older than his actual age so when he said he was twenty-three when he was seventeen no one questioned him. The caps were admittedly a lot better than he wanted to admit. Jelani would be dropped off at Astrid and Jørgen's house in the morning and after the contract was finished he'd be back home in the afternoon to make dinner and spend a few hours training Jelani. Both of their needs were taken care of and he had help, it wasn't as bad as he was remembering it. He also had to admit that maybe he did know what he was doing. Jelani managed to find the safe house, made sure it was safe, used the appropriate measures to handle the water and even made dinner while Loke slept his break down away in the living room. It was all things he'd taught him and not only did they stick but it proved useful. Maybe he was cut out to be a father.

Once Loke was done taking a bath and brushing his teeth he made his way back down to the living room and smiled when he saw Jelani on the love seat that he'd pushed against the sofa. He was small enough to fit comfortably there so Loke left him there. He reached into his backpack and took out a small blanket and covered Jelani with it. He climbed on the sofa, covered himself with his own blanket and turned to look at Jelani. Shame and guilt washed over him as he remembered his break down earlier in the day, he never wanted him to see him that way. Jelani was right though, one way or another everything he bottled up was going to eventually come back out and he figured he'd reached the absolute limit today.

Morning came and Loke woke up, as he looked around he realized he had a bit of a headache though he brushed it off. When he looked forward he realized that sometime in the middle of the night Jelani had crawled over to him and had slept beside him and instinctively, at least Loke decided it was, had wrapped him up in his arms and held him tightly. His barely audible and tiny snores made Loke smile. It was odd for Loke to be up before Jelani. Usually Jelani was up at some ungodly hour with his teeth brushed and if available already bathed and ready for the day. He figured the previous day had also been draining for him so he very slowly and carefully sat up on the sofa and made sure to leave the blanket draped over Jelani as the morning felt a bit chilly. As the morning chill hit him he slightly shivered as he hunched over and looked around. Sunlight peered in through the windows and he could hear birds singing, it was a pretty pleasant feeling. He stood up and went towards the front door and looked out the window to his left to take a look outside, the sky was a mix of pale pink, yellow, and orange with the light from the rising sun starting to peek from beyond the tree line. There was still some faint mist gathered on the grass and Loke wondered just how early it was. He went back into the living room and towards Jelani's backpack, there was an old watch tied to one of the straps and according to it it was 06:06 in the morning. Loke looked at it in shock. He hadn't been up that early in years but he figured he'd slept far too much yesterday.

"Man, I hate these statues." Erik thought to himself as he shun his flashlight across the silver statue of the non-descriptive woman against the wall. Something about those statues unnerved him in a way he couldn't exactly pinpoint. He wasn't sure if it was the lack of features, the way it felt like no matter where he was he could feel their gaze despite the lack of eyes, or perhaps it was the rumors that they were ancient goddesses of terrible power worshiped by pre-war Americans before the bombs fell and were tied to cults and human sacrifices.

He took a step closer despite the sinking feeling in his stomach that warned him not to look at it any further but he was also curious. The light bounced off the silvery surface giving it a strange gleam. If it had been any other structure he would've found it almost ethereal. It felt just like those damn mannequins that littered every corner of the city.

As Erik stared at the surface of the structure the metal doors beside the statue opened with a loud creaking sound and startled him. He dropped the flashlight and upon impact that glass shattered and the light flickered a few times before dying out. Erik quickly picked up the flashlight and tried to turn it back on though try as he might it wouldn't turn back on. A beam of light from across the room shun on him and caused him to temporarily shut his eyes.

"Nice." Jelani sarcastically said as he subtly shook his head.

"Sorry, Dad." Erik sheepishly said as he turned to look at the doors that had startled him. "At least you got the doors open!"

"Yeah." Jelani said as he stood up from the desk and walked over to Erik. He handed him his flashlight and pulled him back so that Erik was behind him as he looked around through the night-vision scope on his assault rifle. Hunter and Madison had cleared the entire building the day before but neither knew how to hack into terminals so it was Jelani's job to come in and hack all the terminals within the building to open new rooms, floors, and to gain access to the monorail. Since the monorail room hadn't been cleared Jelani went inside in case of hostiles in the form of people or animals.

Erik watched as his dad carefully and quietly entered the room though he lost track of him the further in he went. Erik had explicit instructions to stay out of the room until Jelani gave him the all clear, however, he hovered by the door as he shun the light into the room and kept a 9mm pistol on his other hand. Erik, like his father, had been trained to handle firearms and had gone through rigorous training for most of his life. He loved the training though admittedly he hated being put in a situation where he had to put his training into full use. It always made him nervous. He took a deep breath as he squeezed the gun in his hand and kept telling himself to avoid touching the trigger unless he had a reason to.

As Erik shun his light, more to find where his dad was than anything else, he passed by what looked like a body on one of the benches next to some clutter and debris.

"Dad?"

"I see it."

The light from the end of the silenced muzzle of the assault rifle lit Jelani up momentarily as he fired a single bullet to the head of the feral ghoul that Erik was shining his light on. It was quick and clean. Jelani was one to avoid killing feral ghouls if he could avoid it but if he had to he made sure to make it as quick and painless as he could out of some sense of respect. They were people, not the monsters most made them out to be. Anyone was capable of turning into a ghoul and due to misfortune and the environment a lot of ghouls could and would turn feral through no fault of their own. Erik felt the same way.

After a few minutes of staring at the body Erik looked around the room as Jelani found the switches and turned on the lights.

"All clear, E!" Jelani yelled from across the room, he'd already sat the control booth and was busy trying to hack the terminal.

Erik sat next to Jelani and watched him grab his lighter and cigarettes as he watched the screen turn on. As soon as he lit his cigarette he handed one to Erik who took it and the lighter, as Erik took a drag from the cigarette he seemed to just stare blankly at nothing though he'd occasionally stare at his dad for a few seconds.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Erik answered quickly though he corrected himself as he did have something in mind. "Actually…I wanna talk to you about the file I found on that Miss Nanny."

"Oh, fuck…" Jelani exclaimed. He didn't sound angry, he wasn't angry, he was mostly afraid of the conversation that awaited him. It was something he hoped he would never have to do. "Vil du virkelig gjøre dette nå?"

"Ja, I do wanna do this now but if it's too much then at least just answer just one question."

"Hva?" Jelani took a long drag from the cigarette and held the smoke in his lungs for as long as he could before slowly expelling it all through his nose.

"Trevor's not really my dad, er han?"

"Nei, he's not." Jelani swallowed hard as he stared blankly at the monitor screen. He always knew that he'd have to have this conversation with Erik someday and he dreaded it ever since he was born. At least he'd gotten away with avoiding it for 18 years.

"Hey, wake up, little guy."

Jelani groaned softly as Loke gently scratched the back of his head. As he slowly opened his eyes he looked up and saw Loke sitting next to him and smiling. Jelani yawned as he sat up and stretched while rubbing his eyes, the cold of the morning hit him almost instantly.

"What time is it?"

"Think it's fifteen till nine."

"Uh." Jelani looked around with a puzzled look on his face. "How are you up before me?"

Loke chortled and stood up, "C'mon, honey, go wash up before breakfast gets cold."

"You okay, Lo?"

"Yeah." Loke turned around and looked at him inquisitively, he stopped for a moment to analyze the question and stopped to think if he really was okay. He looked back at his kid brother and said, "Yeah, babe, I'm okay."

"Really?"

"Really, really. I'm sorry about yesterday."

"It's okay as long as you're okay."

"Are you?"

"Uh-huh."

The atmosphere around the dinner table felt lighter, it felt less burdensome, like a weight had been lifted off them. It felt like the days before their parents died. All four of them huddled around the dinner table, Ingvarr tending to Jelani, Sanaa and Loke making breakfast and all of them smiling and laughing. The boys talked for a while as they ate their breakfast, some old stories of when Loke was part of that mercenary group. He was honest with him, he never omitted any details about what he did, he felt that censoring himself for the sake of some imaginary sense of righteousness was beneath both of them. The real world they lived in was brutal and unfair and sometimes you had to do certain things to survive that you may or may not end up regretting or feel ashamed of. Loke never really felt that way, it was all a means to an end for him. It meant caps to keep him and his baby brother alive, consequences be damned. Did he regret some things? Yes. But at the end of the day he didn't really care.

After breakfast the boys cleaned up after themselves, made sure they had all their important things but before leaving Jelani reminded Loke that it would be rude to have used the safe house and not left at least one item behind as a type of thank you like caravans and traders do. Loke agreed and as he went through their inventory he remembered they were carrying some of Jelani's clothes that no longer fit him, he figured that there might be kids out on the road so why not leave something for another kid to make use of. Jelani agreed. He grabbed the items that no longer fit him and left them neatly folded inside one of the closets and as soon as he came back Loke turned off the lantern that hung on the porch.

As the boys hit the main road they walked and talked about anything and everything. Jelani even pondered on whether Rowan and Juniper made it to Georgia to which Loke resounded with a hearty yes. He meant it but in the back of his head he wished they did, part of him wished there was some way to contact them though he didn't even know where in Georgia they were headed to. He decided to believe that they both made it and were having a great time reuniting with their family.

The long stretch of road ahead of them had fields of tall wheat as far as the eye could see on either side, they seemed to be wild wheat from the look of them though Loke just guessed given their length. The wind had picked up considerably and it carried with it a rather cool breeze, a lot cooler than it was that morning. Loke looked to his right and in the distance the sky was a dark gray that contrasted against the white clouds spread over the sky, he could see where the wall of heavy rain was hitting the earth, he could even hear the distant rumble of thunder. Given the wind Loke calculated that they had less than twelve minutes to find shelter from the storm approaching them. He reached for the map, more for Jelani's sake than his as Loke had photographic memory and knew every single detail of that map, and opened it to search for some nearby shelter.

"That's gonna hit us in a few minutes." Loke said as he looked towards the storm brewing in the distance.

Jelani being shorter than Loke was couldn't see the storm he was talking about, the tall wheat field blocked his view, but he could smell the rain in the wind. They'd been walking for a few hours now so it wouldn't make sense to go back to the safe house.

"What do we do?"

"Look," Loke said as he knelt beside Jelani and pointed to a crudely drawn building on the map, "Apparently that's an old abandoned farmhouse. We can wait out the storm there."

Jelani agreed and both headed towards the old farm. There was always the possibility that the building burned down or was blown up or was so dilapidated that it wouldn't be much of a shelter but they had no other choice. As they cut through the field of wheat Loke grabbed Jelani's hand tightly so neither of them could get lost in the field and began to run as they felt raindrops start to fall on them. They came to a rickety and old wooden fence and Loke jumped it clearing it rather easily. However, it was a little too tall for Jelani to clear so Loke reached over and carried Jelani across the fence. It was pouring now.

As the boys ran they could see the farmhouse in the distance. It was an old wooden farm, most of the paint was intact though chipped in some areas. It appeared to be intact from the outside though there was still a matter of what the inside looked like, that's what worried Loke. There was some old farming equipment about in the area though it was inconsequential at the moment. As the siblings reached the farmhouse the storm had caught up to them, Loke practically kicked down the door.

"Shit! Fuck!" Loke shouted as he closed the door as soon as Jelani ran through it and closed it. Both were soaking wet.

This wasn't how Loke liked to enter buildings. He would usually have Jelani wait outside while he cleared the premises but under the circumstances this rule had to be broken. He looked around and there was undisturbed dust everywhere. That was usually a good sign, it meant there hadn't been any activity for a long time so it was more than likely safe though his and Jelani's allergies would be acting up for the next few hours.

"All right, stay here while I check the rest of the building. Don't move from here. I mean it."

"Got it." Jelani replied as he shivered.

Loke reached for his Sequoia and began a sweep of the building to make sure it was all clear. He went through every room on the first floor and moved up to the second floor, the fifth and eighth steps creaked rather loudly, he froze for a few seconds to stop and listen in case he could hear movement or chatter from any of the upstairs rooms. He was met with silence so he continued. All the rooms on the second floor had the doors wide open but he still went into each room to inspect them, all were empty though one of the bedrooms had the skeletal remains of what Loke guessed was a dog. He closed that door and continued to inspect the rest. Once every room was inspected he relaxed and walked back to the stairs though as he did he noticed there was a string hanging from what looked like an opening possibly leading up to the attic. Loke froze. He was as quiet as a mouse while inspecting the farmhouse though he remembered the two steps that creaked giving away his position and presence. How did he miss that string? He internally scolded himself for being so careless, he blamed it on the rush of the moment which left him unprepared and out of his element though he told himself it was no excuse to have been so clumsy.

He reached for the string and pulled on it though the opening wouldn't budge, he pulled on it a little harder and it still wouldn't budge. He was starting to get annoyed. He wouldn't consider the building safe unless he searched every single room and the attic counted as well, he had to search the attic in case there was anyone or anything up there that could pose a danger to both of them.

With both hands this time Loke pulled on the string as hard as he could and after a few seconds the door opened with a loud creak and a handful of dust hit Loke in the face. He backed away as he wiped away the dust.

"Son of a bitch!" He exclaimed as he coughed.

"Lo!? You okay?"

"Yeah!" He continued to cough. "Stay there. I'll be down in a sec."

Loke looked up and saw a ladder that hung from the attic. He reached up, grabbed it and thankfully it unfolded with ease though he wondered if it could hold his weight. He carefully went up the ladder, surprised that it held him up rather easily, and came face to face with an empty attic. There was nothing in the attic except for an obscene amount of dust. The farmhouse had been long abandoned.

As Loke made his way back downstairs he tried his best to remove as much of the dust as he could but it clung to his wet clothes. Jelani looked at him with a worried look on his face but Loke reassured him that he was fine.

"Place seems to be empty." Loke noticed Jelani was still shivering so he grabbed both backpacks and said, "Come on, buddy, let's get you out of those clothes and get you warm, huh? We can have some lunch."

Once Loke changed his clothes he took the clothes and hung them out to dry to avoid them getting that unpleasant smell of damp into them. Once that smell got into the fabric is was hard to ignore. He figured to do the same with Jelani's once he came out of the room he'd walked into to change. It was just him and his brother, Loke changed in the middle of the living room, he did notice that Jelani was becoming a little more private lately when it came to taking baths and changing his clothes. He was eleven now so he wondered if that had anything to do with this change in behavior. Nevertheless Loke walked up to the room and gently knocked on the door after which he grabbed the door handle and waited for his brother to answer. After a minute Loke knocked again only slightly louder this time.

"Jela? You okay in there?"

"Yeah. Just changing."

"All right, buddy. Gimme your clothes so I can hang them up to dry."

"I'll bring 'em out when I'm done."

"Okay, hon."

Loke hovered over the door as a question lingered on his tongue. Jelani's tone seemed dejected and it worried him. It could've been anything really and that's what made him feel uneasy, to not know what was bothering his brother. Ultimately he decided to get their things together to sit down and enjoy some lunch as the storm passed, as Loke passed by a filthy window he looked out and saw it was heavily pouring and thundering, he figured they'd have no other choice but to spend the night in the farmhouse.

Jelani walked out of the room, his soaked clothes in hand and a defeated look on his face. It was becoming more noticeable, at least to him it was, it didn't matter what he did he could notice it and he'd swear it was worse with each passing day. Despite the weather he'd endure layering up, thankfully it was the end of November so the temperatures were a little more manageable and agreeable to wearing two shirts and a jacket or a hoodie. As he walked towards the kitchen, he'd heard Loke moving around in it, he wondered if perhaps he was being overly paranoid. The other kids at Rest Stop hadn't questioned him when he told them his name and they all addressed him as a boy well before he even mentioned it and he didn't need to correct any of them. Lately he'd overcompensate by being a little more rough than the other boys, or braver even if deep down he was afraid of whatever dare, task or game they'd set out to play or do. Even though the idea of being filthy repulsed him to his very core he'd make it a point to get as filthy as possible while rough housing with other boys just so that he could blend in as well as they could. He frowned at that thought. Blending in. Sometimes he felt like an imposter even though he felt right at the same time. Soon he wouldn't be able to, his voice wouldn't drop like other boys's would, he could use the excuse of being a late bloomer but not for too long. He even entertained the idea of lying to people and saying he was mute. Instead of a lower voice, growing taller, and getting stronger he'd have to content with curves, menstrual cycles, and two very noticeable and hard to hide features he was dreading especially since they were already starting to form.

As he walked into the kitchen he sat down on one of the wooden chairs and quietly watched as Loke grabbed some of their previously prepared meals and set them on the table. He wasn't all that hungry if he was to be honest with himself. He wanted to ask Loke some things though he wasn't exactly sure of how to phrase them or even if he would have an answer for him.

Loke took his time arranging lunch for them, to his credit he noticed how Jelani had walked towards the kitchen, slow with no real spring in his step. He was unusually quiet and slumped on the table. He looked like a scolded puppy. He was giving him time to gather himself and say what was bothering him though as time passed, he could only go so slow, he figured Jelani wasn't going to say anything himself so once Loke finished he sat down from across Jelani and gave him a smile.

"Let me know if you're okay." He gestured towards the plate in front of Jelani though he'd been vague enough to frame the question more at him than at his meal. He was fully aware it was food Jelani was okay with, the question seemed out of place.

"Not very hungry." Jelani squeaked out as he looked at the plate and then at Loke.

"Take at least three bites. Just three and I'll finish the rest. You really shouldn't skip meals, sweetheart."

Jelani was about to say something but at the last second he decided to stay silent. The word "sweetheart" rang out in his ears like nails on a chalkboard. It felt too feminine, too girly. The only reason why he didn't say anything was because Loke had been calling him that for as long as he could remember and it wasn't until now that he felt some type of way about it. From the very second he told his brother that he wasn't a girl he respected his decision and acted accordingly, he rushed to the basement where a lot of his old clothes that no longer fit as he grew older were boxed. Thankfully Ingvarr never got around to donating them. Even as a little kid Jelani avoided dresses or skirts. Any bows that Sanaa had tied to his hair were immediately taken off and thrown aside, sometimes hidden so no one else could place them back on. Jelani looked at his plate and sighed, he really wasn't feeling hungry but nevertheless he decided to eat his lunch. Life was unpredictable enough but out on the road it was twice as much. The next meal was never guaranteed.

"You're still cold, little guy?" Loke asked as he nodded towards Jelani who looked at him inquisitively.

"No. Why?"

"You're wearing two shirts and a hoodie."

Oh. He'd forgotten he was wearing three layers of clothing. Thankfully the storm had made an already cool day so much colder than it would've normally been.

"A little."

"Are you or are you not?" Loke was giving him a chance to say what was on his mind even though he knew what was going on. He just wanted to make Jelani feel like he had the first say so that he'd see that even a subject as sensitive as that one was something he could trust him with.

"I'm not I just…" Jelani leaned back on the chair as he placed the spoon down. "I look like a girl." The words seemed to singe and cut him as they passed his lips. "I sound like a girl."

"You're a boy." Loke said matter-of-factly. He wasn't asking, he wasn't doubting, he wasn't negotiating. He was stating a fact. "Babe, you're a preteen, all kids sound squeaky no matter the gender. Hell, I sounded like that when I was your age." Seemed like a lifetime ago now.

"Yeah, but…soon I'll look weird and different than the other boys."

"Doesn't matter, you're still a boy."

"Well, it matters to me." Jelani reeled back from the harshness of his own tone, he hadn't meant it to sound so harsh but his frustration was bubbling. "Okay? When you were eleven you didn't have to worry about when you'd start menstruating or worrying about your voice still sounding squeaky or looking girly or growing those…ridiculous…things on your chest. I do." His face contorted into a look of utter disgust as he pictured himself as a teenager and hoping against hope that he'd at least be small in that department though going by what his mom looked like he figured he was doomed.

"You're right, love. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be dismissive, I was just trying to reassure you."

"I know. I'm sorry too."

"No, no, you have nothing to be sorry about, I was outta line. Maybe we can talk to someone about that, pretty sure doctors could give us an answer. Next one we see we'll stop and ask, yeah? In the mean time you're okay, you're still flat and pass just fine. You're only eleven, you won't have to worry about that for maybe three to four years."

"Really?" Jelani sounded relieved.

"Really, really, little guy."

The storm kept getting worse, somehow as time passed the thunder and lightning ringing across the darkened sky seemed to grow more and more violent as time passed, a lot louder too. They weren't going anywhere for the rest of the day, Loke made peace with the fact that they'd have to spend the night in that dusty old farmhouse.

After lunch Loke had Jelani take apart some handguns with different modifications attached to them, after he did he was to clean them, oil them and put them back together. By this time he could do it blindfolded and in record time, however, that was just a warm up. After he was done he handed him an unloaded assault rifle and asked him to take it apart, clean it, oil it, and put it back together. He hadn't had the chance to take apart an assault rifle just yet but Loke figured he was due. He watched over him as he took it apart, he had a basic understanding of its structure and frame and Loke was surprised to see that he barely had to correct him or lend aid. After he was done putting the assault rifle back together after having cleaned it and oiled it Loke let Jelani do whatever he wanted to do, proper training would have to wait for another day as turning the inside of a shelter into an impromptu shooting range seemed like a bad idea to him. Jelani decided to sit down and read, no surprise there, so Loke took the Pip-Boy out and decided to continue playing on it as there really wasn't anything else to do, at least for him.

Once dinner time rolled around the siblings decided on a stew given the weather, it would take a little longer to make but it would be worth it especially with how cold it was because of the constant rain. Before the sun fully set Loke had walked around the farmhouse and closed all the doors and windows and cleaned up the room they were gonna be sleeping in while Jelani kept an eye on dinner. He seemed to be a little more at peace after their earlier talk. Loke always tried his best to make an effort and to accommodate him as best as he could even if he himself could never fully grasp what it was like for his brother. He swore to make him as comfortable as he could and he's done so ever since. He did worry though, he wondered how puberty would affect him specifically and wondered what he could do to help him as best as he could. He was sure there was something doctors could do, if people could get implanted devices surgically placed he was sure there was something that could make his brother feel more comfortable. Perhaps there were people like him that had it figured out, there were a lot of uncertainties but what Loke was certain of was that there were plenty of people like his brother out there, he just needed to find the right people to ask and reassure him along the way.

After dinner the boys decided to go right to sleep, the intensity of the rain diminished to the point where it was just a few showers. They'd rolled their sleeping bags on a mattress inside one of the bedrooms, laying on top of mattresses they didn't clean themselves was a recipe for disaster what with the many types of fungus or mold or the different types of disease carrying critters that made old unused mattresses their home. The sound of soft rain hitting the wooden roof made for a pleasant ambient sound which helped to lull them to sleep that much faster.

Loke was many things: paranoid, protective, stubborn, and a very light sleeper. Jelani often joked that a mouse could fart in the next county and Loke would be able to hear it and wake up. Except it wasn't a mouse that woke him up in the middle of the night, it was laughter, boisterous laughter coming from downstairs. As soon as he identified the sound that woke him up his eyes grew wide and he froze for a moment as he listened in on the sounds. He deduced that the laughter was coming from what he assumed were male adults, given the distance he figured they were downstairs possibly in the living room. Very slowly and carefully he moved his arm and reached under his sleeping bag for his Sequoia and once he grasped it he moved the rest of his body to slowly sit up while keeping his eyes fixated on the door and his ears alert. Jelani was fast asleep beside him, thankfully the kid slept like he hadn't a care or worry in the world so moving around didn't wake him. He was used to Loke tossing and turning a lot while he slept. Loke made it out of the bed as quietly as he could and once both feet were firmly planted on the wooden floor he carefully stood up and made his way towards the door.

Everything within the old farmhouse squeaked or creaked and as he grabbed the doorknob he remembered the door made an awful creaking sound when Loke had opened it earlier. His grasp on the doorknob tightened and he leaned heavily on the wall as he slowly turned the knob and ever so gently he opened the door. He could hear their voices a little clearer now, he wasn't paying attention to the conversation though they were still laughing, Loke timed their loud laughter with every inch he opened masking the creaking sound with their laughter. Once the door was wide enough for him to take a look he peered through the opening. There was no one on the second floor hallway, they must have still been downstairs.

"Lo?"

Jelani's voice startled him though he kept it internally. He quickly turned to face Jelani and raised his index finger up to his tightly pressed lips. As Jelani sat up on the bed he saw Loke holding his right hand over his left hand with his palm extended towards his weapon, he let out a quiet gasp as he realized that Loke was signaling to him that there was an enemy, or possibly more, in the area. Loke then held his extended right hand up to his shoulder indicating adult enemies. He quickly followed it up with holding an open hand in front of him with the palm facing down, with the other hand he placed a closed fist underneath the palm. That was the signal to hide so Jelani quickly but quietly made his way towards the closet where they'd placed their backpacks. Once he closed the door Loke turned his attention towards the intruders. A lone person was bad. A group? Much worse.

Once Loke managed to open the door wide enough to fit through he slid out of the room and ever so carefully made his way towards the stairs. He leaned over to take a peek and saw three men sitting around the living room. Bile and hatred rose up from the depths of his stomach as he saw they were all raiders. He could feel his hackles start to rise. Nothing in the world made Loke angrier than raiders, he hated them with unabashed ferocity, as he glared at them he wished for nothing more than to fill each of their bodies with every bullet he had on him. He found himself raising his left arm to take aim but stopped himself once he remembered his first and most important priority: getting Jelani to safety. As much as he wished to end each and every one of their pathetic existences Loke closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It took every ounce of restraint he had and honestly didn't have to walk away. As far as he was concerned the only good raider is a dead raider.

He walked back to the room as he heaved and seethed in anger, their laughter felt like hot pokers covering his back. Had he been alone he would've pounced, he had the element of surprise on his side and had them dead to rights. It would've been glorious. As he entered the room he made his way towards the closet and whispered, "Hey, det er meg."

Jelani slowly opened the door and looked at his brother. He seemed on edge and as he looked up at him with his eyes Loke calmed down, this was his priority.

"There's three raiders downstairs, could be more. We need to get the fuck outta here before they find us so go put your boots on and roll up the sleeping bags."

As Jelani went to get his boots on Loke looked around the room. They needed to get out, he didn't like the odds of three versus one, no matter how good with a firearm Loke was he was still outnumbered and had to make sure he got Jelani away from the compromised shelter and those raiders. He lost his parents and family friends to raiders, he was not going to lose his brother to raiders.

Loke's wired eyes landed on the window and he quickly moved to it. He managed to open it with ease and relative silence and as soon as he did he stuck his upper body out. He found their way out. As he smiled he pulled himself back into the room and turned around to see Jelani standing behind him with the sleeping bags rolled up and both backpacks at the ready.

"God gutt." Loke whispered as he smiled at his brother. Loke hurried to put his boots on and as he did he gave Jelani instructions in a hushed but hurried tone. "I'll lower you first and as soon as you hit the ground lay low and once I'm down we run like hell. Got it?"

"Got it."

Loke handed his backpack to Jelani, this was usually the norm for when they needed to bug out of a place as his contained most of their weapons and important items while Loke carried Jelani's backpack. While Loke's backpack was heavier Jelani had been trained to carry that much weight and more across obstacle courses their parents had built when Loke was a toddler. As sadistic as it sounded Loke had both of them run, jog and walk a few miles every other day with heavy backpacks plus other equipment as part of their training. It had paid off more times than he cared to admit.

Jelani carefully climbed out of the window but hung on to the pane as he looked down. He didn't want to admit it but he was scared of the height, admittedly the raiders scared him more. Loke grabbed both of his hands tightly and slowly lowered Jelani out of the window and down the side of the farmhouse until he couldn't lean over any further. Jelani looked down and then back up to Loke and quietly nodded letting Loke know he was ready to drop. Loke quietly exhaled as he let go of Jelani's hands and held his breath as he saw him fall to the ground. With a soft and quiet grunt Jelani landed on his feet and remained frozen while crouched. He didn't hear anything, just the sound of crickets in the distance and the wind blowing.

As soon as he saw Jelani stand back up Loke went inside and grabbed Jelani's backpack and leaned out the window. Loke had a bit of an issue with heights, it was something he tried his hardest to suppress or overcome, whichever of the two came first, but as much as he tried he still had some issues with it. However, he focused on Jelani, he was down there waiting for him. He needed him. He shook his head and inhaled as he climbed out of the window and held on to the pane as he found his footing, once he was set he began to slowly lower himself until his arms were stretched as far as they would go making the drop less dramatic.

"What in the fuck!?"

A gruff voice called out making both siblings turn to find a raider outside and staring at both of them in disbelief. The three of them sort of froze as they stared at each other, none of them moving or saying anything, all three trapped in a state of surprise and admittedly shock.

Suddenly Loke heard another sound that sent a chill down his spine, as he turned to look forward he felt the wood he was hanging on to splinter and before he could react he lost his grip and fell. When he landed on his back the air had been knocked out of his lungs. He coughed as he scrambled to his feet remembering that one of the raiders had found them as he was climbing out of the window. Once on his feet he quickly pulled Jelani behind him acting as a shield between him and the raider who was now aiming a sawed off shotgun at both of them.

The man, an older white man covered in filth and some of the worst tattoos Loke had ever seen in his life with hair so matted and stuck to his head that Loke guessed it hadn't been washed in over a decade had the most aggravating smile on his face that served to both annoy Loke and let both of them know he had the upper hand. He smugly nodded forward as he flicked the shotgun while Loke exhaled and lowered his shoulders.

The front door of the farmhouse burst open as the raider stepped aside and told Jelani to walk in while he pushed Loke as he kept the shotgun on his back. "Lookit what I found."

The raiders turned to look at the siblings and the raider as he announced his discovery. One of the raiders seemed closer in age to Loke though he seemed slightly older than him, this one had burn marks all over his body and moved with a calmness that irritated Loke. He was missing his left eye, had a shaved head and a beard that reached his massive stomach.

"And where did these come from?" The man sitting to the right of the apparent leader asked as he licked his lips. His eyes were fixed on Loke as he did this. The man looked disgusting, his teeth ranged from yellow to brown, his skin looked greasy and filthy though he appeared muscular with a short though ghastly and unkempt beard.

"Found 'em climbing out of one of the windows when I went out to take a piss."

"Anyone else with you?" The leader calmly asked as he looked at Loke.

"It's just me and my kid."

"So wha' do we do with these?" The man holding the shotgun asked.

The greasy raider stood up and walked towards Loke, an unsettling smile adorned his face. As he got closer Loke pulled Jelani behind him but the other raider grabbed him and pulled him away from Loke who protested but stopped when the raider aimed the shotgun at Jelani's head.

"Don't!" Loke yelled.

"Then don't fucking move, bitch."

The greasy raider grabbed Loke's face and turned him towards him. He parted his eyelids and looked at his eyes, sort of examining him as he did. He then opened Loke's mouth and stuck one of his fingers inside. The foul taste of grime and smell of urine made Loke gag as soon as he felt his finger moving around his mouth. The edges of his fingernails were so filthy they looked black, whatever was underneath his long fingernails was probably more toxic than radioactive soil. The man examined Loke's teeth and gums, as soon as he removed his finger Loke turned to his side and spit as he tried his hardest to get the foul taste out of his mouth. The raider laughed as Loke glared at him.

"All his teeth and they look pretty clean, gums are healthy, tongue's healthy as well. Looks well fed and fit. Kemper's place is a few miles from here, he likes 'em clean and pale. This one's gonna fetch us a ton of caps."

"What about the little one, Zed?"

"Touch him and I swear to fucking god I'll skin you alive!" Loke yelled as soon as Zed took a step forward to examine Jelani.

"Easy there, pretty little thing, no need for threats." Zed cooed mockingly as he moved closer to Loke. With one hand he grabbed a handful of Loke's hair and pulled as hard as he could and with the other hand he grabbed him by the waist and pulled him closer to him. His breath was the most foul and abysmal thing he'd ever had the misfortune of smelling. He was the very definition of disgusting. "Kemper also likes some high quality tail, maybe I should test this one out. You know, to make sure we get a good price for 'im." As he said that his hand wandered to Loke's belt and began to undo it.

Loke swallowed hard as he began to shake. Through chattering teeth he said, "Not in front of my kid."

"Dad?" Jelani sniffled. He was scared, more scared than he had ever been up to that point in his life.

"He's right," The leader spoke up, "take that shit to one of the rooms. None of us need to see that clap infested dick of yours."

"You're no fun, Dogtooth. No fun at all!" Zed complained as he turned his full attention to Dogtooth.

Loke took several steps back while keeping his eyes on Dogtooth and Zed, he stopped as soon as he bumped into Jelani and interlaced both hands together forming a fist and in one swift move he spun around and with the momentum of the movement hit the raider on the side of his head as hard as he could knocking the man down. Both Jelani and Loke ran though Loke tripped when the raider grabbed him by the leg and held on as tightly as he could.

Jelani turned around and ran back to help Loke but as soon as Loke saw him running back he kicked at the raider and turned to look at Jelani while screaming, "No! Run! Jela, run!"

Dogtooth and Zed ran to grab Loke and when they did the other raider recovered, grabbed the shotgun and aimed it at Loke's head while seething in anger.

"Mike, get the fucking kid!" Dogtooth yelled as he pointed at Jelani.

"Jela, løp!" Loke yelled again and this time Jelani obeyed and took off as fast as he could.

Leaving Loke behind made him sick to his stomach but nevertheless he followed orders. He figured he could use the wheat field to loose the raider chasing after him, he wouldn't be able to hide within it but he could at least disorient him enough to lose him, he just hoped he wouldn't disorient himself in the process.

Jelani ran head first into the field and ran as fast as he could, he had no direction in mind, he just had to get as far away from that raider as possible. He ran and ran and ran until he could feel his lungs and his chest burning and his legs wobble. Every step announced his exact location as the wheat crunched when he ran past each stalk, no matter how much faster he was he'd be leading the raider to him. So he did the only logical thing: he froze. As soon as he did he tried his hardest to regain some control of his breathing to quiet himself as much as possible and hide among the wheat, if nothing else to make the raider give his location away so that Jelani could make his next decision.

As soon as he regained control of his breathing he stood still and just listened. This was like a dangerous version of hide and seek, he was using the exact same tactics he used when playing the game with other kids except he often used tactics taught to him by Loke during training. When it was his turn to hide the first order of business was to control his breathing and calm himself through a breathing technique that his mother had taught Loke who then taught it to him. Box breathing was what his mother had called it. Once his breathing was under control and he felt calmer it was easier to move quietly to get a vantage point to observe his surroundings. He always took the high ground as it was easier to observe and get the drop on the kid doing the searching. If available Jelani was prone to grabbing a handful of dry leaves and spreading them behind him as an alarm to give away the seeker's position. When it was his turn to seek he implemented tracking techniques Loke had taught him during training as well as getting to know his targets or as often referred to by Loke, tangos. As the games progressed Jelani noted who liked to hide where, which kid couldn't help but giggle as they hid from the seeker, which kid could hardly keep still and shoveled as they waited anxiously to be found and which ones couldn't stop talking. This was no different.

As he listened to his surroundings he could hear the raider several yards away, his heavy footfalls and erratic breathing gave away his position. He could hear him gasping for air and swatting away broken wheat stalks as he looked around.

"Where the fuck are you, you little shit?!"

He was now taking to calling out to him. Even better.

Jelani remained calm and quiet, it worked to keep the raider from finding him but he couldn't just stay there and he knew it. He had to find some way to ditch the raider and get back to the farmhouse to rescue Loke somehow, he wasn't sure how he'd go about it, all he knew was that he had to try.

He was too short to see over the wheat and he heard the raider's voice a little too close for comfort, he had to act and soon, but he had no real way of telling where he was heading and that's when he looked up and remembered that Loke taught him how to find the north star and how to use it to navigate. The night sky had scattered rain clouds but he waited for the wind to move them and as soon as he found the star he was looking for he smiled as he was able to orient himself. The main road that he and Loke had been on was to the south of the farmhouse, if he could find the road he was sure he would be able to get away from the raider chasing him to regroup and plan his attack.

Jelani carefully moved through the wheat field while keeping his ears perked up and listened to the raider who sounded angrier than before. He sped up a little bit more and after what felt like an eternity to him he finally found the road but instead of running off he decided he needed to somehow incapacitate the raider. Luckily as he looked around he saw part of the wooden fence that once surrounded the field and rolled up to one of the broken sections of the fence was some barbed wire and a smile formed on his face as he formed an idea. He quickly ran towards the barbed wire and uncoiled it, rust and grime had set in so he was careful not to cut himself on it. One end of the wire was tied to the post and as Jelani looked to the side he found another post a few feet away. He slightly altered his plan and ran to the other post to tie the barbed wire as tightly as he could. Once he was done he managed to pull out one of the posts from the ground, he needed something to defend himself with just in case.

Once he was set he ran to the middle of the road, took a deep breath, and yelled as loud as he could for as long as he could. When he stopped yelling he could hear the raider running through the field, he was swatting away at the stalks violently as he ran towards him so Jelani braced himself. His plan was solid, at least as solid as an impromptu plan that relied on the raider staying in the trajectory Jelani needed him to stay in for the plan to work. As he heard the raider getting closer he could feel his heart start to beat fast and he began to unconsciously grip the wooden post hard enough that he could feel one of his hands start to cramp up.

A few minutes later the raider came tumbling out of the wheat field and ran into the barbed wire, with a loud thud he hit the ground while swearing as he tried to pull the wire off himself with one hand and with the other he reached out as if to try and grab Jelani who was a few feet in front of him still gripping the post and staring nervously.

"Get back here, you little bitch!" Mike yelled as he tried to pull the wire off but it was no use, it'd gotten caught in the fabric of his pants. He turned around to get a better look at the wire but as he did he managed to somehow tangle himself further which greatly exaggerated his anger. The more he thrashed the deeper the rusted and filthy spikes dug into his legs tearing at the skin as he pulled and drew a considerable amount of blood though by that point Mike didn't care. All he wanted to do was get a hold of Jelani and the piece of wood he was holding onto and caving his skull in.

While Mike was busy trying to undo the mess Jelani remained frozen in place as he stared at the raider. He knew what he had to do but part of him wasn't sure he could go through with it, he was scared and rightly so. All of those hundreds of hours of training and there he was on the verge of tears and frozen in place. Everything went silent including the raider who was yelling and swearing up a storm as he kicked his feet, cuts and scrapes all over his hands from pulling at the barbed wire. His palms red with blood reached out to him. Jelani stood there frozen in place, afraid to move, afraid of what he had to do. As he stared at the raider he snapped out of the trance when he remembered he had to somehow make it back to the farmhouse and rescue Loke.

As his grip on the wooden post tightened he walked over to the raider and held the post up high above his head and with all the strength he had he brought the wooden post down on the raider's head over and over again until he stopped moving. Once Jelani stopped he stared at the raider and with the now bloody post he poked at him but he wouldn't move. He swallowed hard as he got closer and heard a very faint groan coming from the raider and for some reason he felt relief. Jelani knew he couldn't linger so he tossed the post aside and searched the raider for weapons. He found the shotgun he'd been carrying and was surprised to find it was empty, who knows how long it'd been empty and anger replaced Jelani's fear. He'd been threatened with an empty shotgun, nevertheless he continued to search and found a clip full of 10mm bullets and a very filthy N99, he ejected the clip and found it was full. He also found one in the chamber, he took the clip, the gun, and the shotgun and ran as fast as he could towards the farmhouse.

"Will you quit hittin' that bitch? If you bruise him up Kemper's gonna pay less!"

"Fuck Kemper and fuck you too!" Dogtooth yelled as he stopped kicking Loke for a moment and stared at Zed, his entire face was lit up with anger.

Zed rolled his eyes as he turned to look towards the wheat field where he'd last seen Mike run to go after the kid, "What if Mike loses the kid?"

"You know what? Why don't you stop asking stupid fucking questions and go help Mike. This one's gonna fetch us a lot of caps but kids sell for a lot more."

"Fine, fine, you grumpy bitch." Zed threw his hands up in defeat as he turned around, opened the front door, and did as Dogtooth asked of him. He would've preferred to stay put but he knew challenging Dogtooth when he was angry was a bad idea. The man's temper was legendary.

Dogtooth watched as Zed walked into the field and began to call out to Mike. He shook his head for a moment and then turned his attention towards Loke who was still on the floor with his hands tied behind his back and glaring at him. He chuckled as he sat on the sofa and put his feet up on an old wooden box.

"Might wanna practice adjusting your attitude. Kemper likes 'em docile and obedient. See, Kemp has a bit of a problem. The guy's insatiable so he goes around kidnapping good looking younger guys but he'll also pay a lot of caps for 'em too. Now, rumors are that he has this particular set up at his place, all sorts of nasty contraptions where he keeps his toys—that's what he calls his victims—soon as we sell you you'll be dragged over to his place, stripped of all your clothes and placed into one of these contraptions and he'll use you until you're body gives up, he'll keep using you after that and just before your carcass starts to bloat he'll chop you up into little pieces, cook you and eat you. Nothing ever goes to waste at Kemper's."

"But," Dogtooth continued, "before any of that happens we're gonna pay a visit to this lunatic that pays a ridiculous amount of caps for kids, only kids. How old's your son? 'Cause the younger the more he'll pay. What does he do? Depends on his mood. He could kill 'im and make a stew out of him, he could pimp him out to some of the local sickos, tie him out back and use him as target practice, have him do chores around his place, feed 'im to his dogs, use him like Kemper's gonna use you maybe, he sure does love kids—no one knows. The only thing that's certain is that before I sell your ass you're gonna watch us sell your son to that guy and we'll stick around long enough for him to decide what to do with your son and there is nothing you'll be able to do about it." He sat back and smiled. He'd played out that same routine a million times before with numerous victims. He reveled in them becoming fearful and resort to begging when he laid out his plans for them. That sense of power was an addiction for him. To narrate his victim's futures so pleasantly and calmly gave him a high no chem could ever replicate.

"You'll have to catch him first." Loke smiled as well though his smile was far more cocky than Dogtooth's smile was. Loke had been training Jelani since he was 2-years-old, he was confident that there was nothing or anyone he couldn't handle. He'd taught him how to survive the Wasteland itself not to mention the people and the creatures within it too and even though he was only 11-years-old Loke was confident in Jelani's abilities. He was sure that by now he'd found a good hiding spot and was keeping an eye on his surrounding, neither of those two raiders were gonna catch his little brother.

As both men faced down each other in a sort of dick measuring contest Dogtooth's smile slowly vanished when he heard the familiar sound of a gun being cocked. He took a deep breath as he slowly turned to his side and by the front door stood Jelani aiming the N99 directly at Dogtooth's head.

"Junior's got balls, I'll give 'im that much." Dogtooth said in a surprisingly amused tone as he turned to look at Loke who looked to where Dogtooth was looking at and frowned as soon as he saw Jelani.

"Toss whatever you've got on you out the window behind you." Jelani demanded in a calm tone. He was nervous but nevertheless his stance and the way he was gripping and handling the pistol was immaculate. He'd been training with pistols for so long now that recoil and kick was a mere afterthought to him. He knew the feel and reaction of N99s by memory.

"Do you even know what to do with that thing, boy?" Sure, his stance and grip on the gun was far better than most adults he'd ever interacted with, he wasn't trembling or shaking but he looked Jelani in the eyes and the eyes couldn't hide his nervousness and insecurity. He could exploit that.

"I know what you're doing." Jelani called out his tactic. Anyone else would've fallen for it, by questioning his ability to use the handgun a lesser trained and easily rattled version of Jelani would've aimed at the large clock close to Dogtooth to prove he could use a handgun. The shot would've alerted the other raider who was out looking for him in the field therefore causing Jelani to lose control of the situation. "Toss all your shit out the window."

Dogtooth silently nodded, the kid was smarter than most kids he'd dealt with, he reached for his combat knife and tossed it out of the window, he reached for his own N99 and threw it out of the window and sat back down as he watched Jelani crouch slightly and removed a switchblade he kept in his left boot while keeping the gun trained on him the entire time. Once he had the knife in his hand he twirled it around until the blade was out all while never removing his eyes from Dogtooth or his right arm faltering.

Jelani walked over to Loke and carefully felt around his hands until he found the rope they'd used to tie his hands and sawed the rope until it gave. As Loke stood up a shot rang out and a burning sensation overtook Jelani's left arm which in turn caused him to pull the trigger and shot Dogtooth in the left shoulder.

Zed had found Mike dead on the side of the road and when he did he ran back to the farmhouse to alert Dogtooth but as he approached he heard the commotion, he chose to handle the situation as quietly as he could so he avoided entering through the front door, instead he opted for circling around the farmhouse and looking in through the window behind Jelani and took aim.

"Son of a bitch!" Dogtooth yelled out as he pressed both hands against the bullet wound.

Loke grabbed Jelani and ran into the kitchen, he grabbed the gun from his brother and fired two blind shots towards the raiders, mostly as an attempt to scare them and keep them away.

Dogtooth and Zed pulled the sofa from against the wall and hid behind it. They knew it wouldn't stop any bullets but they had little choice in the matter.

"You okay, boss?"

"No! Shot by a goddamn 5-year-old!"

"I'm eleven, you fucking jackass!" Jelani yelled as he peeked around the corner but Loke pulled him back.

"Oh!" Dogtooth yelled, there was a sarcastic tone in his voice. "He thinks he's grown!"

Loke took the chance to peek around the wall and fired two more shots into the sofa though both bullets missed the targets, it was intentional to keep them from reacting though Loke wished the bullets would've hit at least one of them. Dogtooth was growing impatient and angrier by the minute. He took Zed's revolver with one hand and with the other he grabbed Zed by his hair and lifted him up as he hid behind him and slowly walked towards Loke and Jelani as he aimed the revolver forward.

"What the fuck, Dogtooth!?"

"Shut the fuck up!"

Dogtooth slowly marched towards Loke and Jelani and as soon as Loke heard the commotion he peeked again while aiming the pistol forward and saw Dogtooth using Zed as a human shield as he slowly advanced towards them. Without hesitating Loke fired four times hitting Zed in the stomach, he was aware that Dogtooth wouldn't care that Zed would be mortally wounded, he was merely using him to avoid being shot himself. As Zed yelled out in pain blood began to seep from the bullet wounds so he placed both hands on his stomach to try and calm some of the bleeding and the pain.

Loke was more than capable of shooting Zed in the head but he wanted to make the raider's misery last. He wanted his death to come slow and painfully, he wanted to leave him there to agonize as he slowly bled to death. His hackles twitched as he saw the pair of raiders approaching them. Loke had something special in mind for Dogtooth, he just had to make sure to disable him so he wouldn't pose a threat to him or Jelani.

Dogtooth noticed Zed's legs were giving out so before he could fall he firmly gripped his shoulders and ran towards Loke and when he was close enough he tossed Zed towards Loke who'd been caught off guard by that move. Both men landed on the floor hard.

Jelani motioned to go help his brother but before he could reach him Dogtooth grabbed Jelani by the hair and pulled him back towards him and pressed the revolver to the side of his head. He turned to look at Loke and with a sickening grin he mockingly said, "Caught 'im."

"No!" Loke desperately yelled as he tried to get Zed's limp body off him. He was still alive but was in too much pain to move or do much of anything.

Dogtooth pulled the trigger but the revolver clicked indicating it was empty. He groaned as he kept pulling the trigger over and over again but it continued to click, Zed had used the last two bullets the gun hand and in a fit of anger Dogtooth pulled his arm as far back as he could and with the butt of the revolver hit Jelani on the side of his head knocking him to the ground. Dogtooth was about to stomp on his head but before he was able to Loke lunged at him and both fell to the floor and struggled to get the upper hand.

Loke managed to land a hard punch on the side of Dogtooth's face but Dogtooth retaliated with a punch of his own landing on Loke's nose causing it to bleed and his eyes to water and while it disoriented him for a moment his anger superseded the effect of the blow, he straddled the raider while strangling him with one hand and with the other he landed blow after blow to the raider's face. Anger and disgust equally invading his head. Hate boiling his blood to the point where he couldn't feel the pain of his own bloody knuckles. With each blow to the raider's head he furiously yelled out, there was rage and frustration expelling from deep within his chest, from a primal and almost animalistic place buried deep within his core. There was nothing that Loke hated more than raiders, every single one that drew breath was an insult to his own existence, to the memory of his parents, to the safety of his little brother, to his own sanity and peace of mind. Every blow that he landed was a tiny chunk of revenge for every night he'd cried himself to sleep.

Before blacking out Dogtooth swung and hit Loke as hard as he could on his lower side which was enough to cause Loke to repel back and in that moment the raider let out an angry scream and rose to his feet while Loke clutched his side, his ribs had been burning from the pain of having been kicked earlier, a single well placed punch to the already agitated ribs was enough to make him recoil. Without hesitation and all the pleasure he could muster Dogtooth kicked Loke in the ribs again and again and again.

"Fuck the caps!" He yelled at Loke. "I'm breaking your arms and legs, then I'm gonna make you watch while I cut your kid's throat and after he bleeds to death I'm gonna take my time with you, you little cunt!"

Despite the pain he was in Loke managed to stand back up and landed a blow or two on the raider's sides but the raider responded with blows to Loke's right side further agitating his injured ribs. Both men continued to trade blows for a bit until Loke managed to land a punch directly at Dogtooth's throat causing the raider to fall to the ground in a coughing fit. Loke leaned on the wall to catch his breath, tough every breath he took was more painful than the last, and wiped some of the blood from under his nose which had gotten into his mouth. He wasn't done, far from it.

While on the ground Dogtooth saw the switchblade Jelani had dropped earlier and as he continued to cough he moved to grab it before Loke could notice what he was doing. Loke had recovered enough that he growled as he walked over to Dogtooth. He was about to grab him when Dogtooth plunged the blade into Loke's left thigh which caused him to scream out in pain and while distracted Dogtooth pulled the knife out and plunged it three times into Loke's left bicep allowing the raider to overpower him. He climbed up on top of Loke and was about to plunge the knife into his throat but Loke managed to hold him back though the blade was scratching his throat. He was tired and in pain but he had to push back as much as he could, he couldn't and wouldn't be ended by some lowly raider trash, he wasn't about to die the same way his parents did, he wasn't going to be yet another raider victim, and he sure as hell wasn't going to leave his kid brother to die at the hands of some filthy raider. Loke tried to push back as hard as he could even though he could feel his arm shaking and felt like it was on fire.

Dogtooth pushed as hard as he could and as he saw the tip of the blade start cutting into Loke's throat he smiled, that arrogant smile every single one of his victims saw before they were either sold off or died by his hands. He'd survived years of the worst the Wasteland could throw at him, he'd been hardened by it, shaped by it. As far as he was concerned everyone else was a victim waiting to be exploited in some way, not him, he could take anything the Wasteland could throw at him and he'd always come out on top. He always won.

A loud sound rang out through the entire farmhouse and both men froze and stopped struggling. Dogtooth froze in place as he looked at Loke though his eyes seemed vacant and Loke could feel his grip on the knife start to soften until he let go of the blade and as he did he slowly looked up to see Jelani aiming the N99 at him. There was a thin trail of blood going down Jelani's face and neck from where Dogtooth had hit him moments ago. Blood had seeped down his left arm and down to his hand. His hands were shaking and his stance was less solid than before. As both looked at each other Dogtooth could feel nothing not even the trail of blood rapidly falling down his face and breaking off into thin streams that fell down the sides of his nose and down his chin, there was a sort of lightness to his body as he stared at the shaky 11-year-old aiming a gun at him. Without a single word Jelani pulled the trigger again this time hitting the raider directly in his left eye.

Dogtooth, or better said, his body remained still as blood and a clear gel like substance dripped down the left side of his face. Jelani kept the gun aimed at the body as he stared at the eye that was left, it looked vacant and dark and he could feel bile going up his throat though he fought the feeling and remained frozen in place even as Loke pushed the dead raider off him, even as Loke limped towards him. He knew Loke was talking to him but he couldn't hear anything, all he could see was the raider's dead eye staring back at him.

"Jela! Oh, baby, are you okay?"

Jelani snapped out of the trance like state he was in and turned to where he heard Loke's voice and let out a small gasp. He could feel his eyes start to water and an overwhelming need to throw up.

"Are you?" He managed to squeak out as he looked at his brother, his arm and leg were bleeding and the bottom half of his face was covered in blood, he winced when he saw the small cut on his throat.

"Let me see you!" Loke fussed as he knelt beside his brother as he grabbed the gun and tossed it aside. He carefully took off the jacket and checked his arm, thankfully the bullet had only grazed his arm and it didn't look like it would need stitches, just a bandage would do. Loke sighed loudly and then checked the side of his head, he was bleeding but it didn't need stitching either. Loke grabbed Jelani and hugged him tightly but then pushed him away to look at him.

"Lo, you're bleeding—"

"Jelani, when I tell you to run, I mean you fucking run and you don't look back! If I ever tell you to run that means you fucking run as fast and as far away as you can and you never ever fucking come back for me. Ever! You can't do that! Do you hear me!? You could've been killed!"

"I'm sorry, Loke, I—I didn't wanna lose you like Mom and Dad…" He couldn't hold back anymore. Jelani began to shake as tears ran down his face as he looked at Loke. He cried as he hugged his big brother as tightly as he could and kept apologizing.

"It's okay, my love, it's okay." Loke returned the hug. "Where's the other raider?"

"He's—he's knocked out by the side of the road." Jelani sniffled as he continued to hug Loke as tightly as he could. He was afraid to let go of him.

"Okay." Loke pulled away and grabbed the N99 he'd tossed aside. "I'll be right back, you stay here and don't move."

Loke pushed through the pain and walked out of the farmhouse to make sure the third threat was taken care of. He didn't want any more surprises to come up and bite him in the ass for the rest of the night. As he limped down the road he could see the raider face down into the asphalt, carrion birds had gathered around him and had begun to peck at him. He wasn't knocked out. The birds flew away as Loke got closer. He examined the area and saw the barbed wire tangled all over his legs and next to him was a wooden post covered in blood. Loke examined the body and felt no pulse, the back of his head was caked in blood and he found a rather enormous gash from where he'd been hit. Jelani must've hit him hard enough to crack his skull and silently nodded in approval though he thought back on what Jelani had said. He said he was knocked out not dead, he thought he merely knocked him out. He looked back towards the farmhouse and then looked back at the body, he figured it was best to keep that bit of information to himself, Jelani already looked shaken by the entire ordeal even though he felt nothing but pride that he'd been able to handle himself and even managed to kill the raider chasing him. Loke was old enough, possibly even jaded and bitter enough, to know that sooner or later you'd have to kill in order to survive the Wasteland. He just hoped he could've let Jelani hang on to some of his innocence for a little longer. Loke took aim and shot the raider in the back of his head masking the crack in his skull, mostly for Jelani's sake.

When Loke returned to the farmhouse he found Jelani sitting at the foot of the stairs and covering his ears with his head between his knees. He was alarmed but quickly realized that Zed, who was very much still alive and agonizing, had regained consciousness and was pleading for help. Loke frowned angrily and limped towards Zed while aiming the gun at him.

"Bitch, I will put a bullet in your knee if you don't shut your motherfucking ass up!"

"What do we do with him?" Jelani sheepishly asked as he looked up at Loke, he still had tears in his eyes.

"Leave 'im. He can rot for all I care."

"But, maybe we can help him."

"No! If it was the other way around he wouldn't help, so why should we?"

Loke managed to power through the pain and picked Jelani up and carried him upstairs and placed him in the room they'd been sleeping in hours earlier. He told him to wait for him while he went back down to bring up their backpacks.

Jelani's injuries were easier to take care of, Loke disinfected them, cleaned them, changed his clothes and bandaged them up. All the while Jelani was silent and looked miserable, on occasions he'd shed a few tears though Loke was aware it wasn't due to pain. He didn't exactly know what to say to him so he said nothing as he tended to his wounds, he then set up the sleeping bags on the beds and tucked him in. Loke then took the supplies, as well as a bottle of rum, to the bathroom down the hall and began the grueling process of drinking to dull the pain and stitching up his own wounds.

It was tedious but Loke didn't want to use the morphine, it would knock him on his ass for a few days and he wanted to be alert though the irony of him drinking as he stitched his wounds up was not lost on him. Every so often Loke would mutter a swear and would punch the wall with the side of his fist when the pain got to him, sometimes he'd stop for a while and let out a cry as he pierced his own skin with the needle. He knew Jelani knew how to stitch up wounds but he didn't wanna bother him, he'd been through enough and he wanted to let him sleep. He was still furious enough to be able to do it himself.

It wasn't until sunrise that Loke had managed to finish with the stitches and by then he was a bit tipsy and felt horrible, he had a massive headache and was so low on energy that his eyelids felt heavy. He stumbled his way back to the room and found Jelani sleeping on his bed, it didn't bother him, he quietly and carefully made his way onto the bed, wrapped his arms around his little brother and fell asleep.

When Jelani opened his eyes he felt dizzy and was disoriented. He sat up on the bed and looked out the window only to see it was dark and he wondered if he'd only slept for a little bit. He turned to see Loke asleep and snoring next to him, his back was turned to him but even then he could smell the alcohol on him. Jelani slid off the bed and was suddenly pelted with pain coming from his arm and noticed he had a mild headache, he must have fallen asleep on his left side at some point. He walked over to Loke's backpack and retrieved the Pip-Boy, he turned it on only to see that according to the date it was the following night. He looked at the device inquisitively as he turned his head sideways. He'd spent all day asleep, he'd never done that before, it was normal for Loke to pull off that kind of stunt but not him. The events of the previous night must have really drained him. He placed the Pip-Boy back in the backpack and walked out into the hallway, the smell of blood was still hanging in the air and a faint groan caught him by surprise, it was Zed, the surviving raider Loke had shot in the stomach.

Jelani remained in place for a few seconds and debated on what he should do. He wasn't a raider, if he saw that someone needed help he knew that the right thing to do was to help them. He exhaled as he turned to look into the room, Loke was still asleep and deeply by the sounds of his snoring. He swallowed hard as he snuck back into the room and rummaged through Loke's backpack until he found the Med-X, while it was a potent pain killer it was nowhere near as potent as the morphine was, Loke had told Jelani to never use the morphine himself and if he needed anything to go to him first but the Med-X wasn't for him. Yes, he was in pain and he'd be lying if he said he wasn't tempted to use it but he also didn't want to disobey Loke even though that was exactly what he was doing at the moment. He put the syringe in his pocket and put everything back exactly as it was and very quietly made his way down the stairs. He noticed that as soon as he put any weight on the eighth step it let out a terrible creaking sound and he froze in place, he was fully aware of Loke being a light sleeper. After a few seconds of silence he exhaled and continued down the stairs though as soon as his foot landed on the fifth step it creaked loudly though not as loudly as the previous one.

He sheepishly made his way to the kitchen where Zed was, he could hear him groaning in pain as he lazily clutched his stomach.

"Um…Zed?"

"What do you want, kid?" Zed managed to croak out in a whisper.

"Um…I—uh…" Jelani trailed off as he laid eyes on the amount of blood underneath the raider, he'd never seen so much blood before in his life and he wondered exactly how Zed was still alive. He let out a shaky breath as he stared.

"What is it?"

Zed's voice brought him back to the task at hand. He took the Med-X from his pocket and ever so gently placed his hand on Zed's arm after taking the safety cap off the needle and carefully injected him with the Med-X. As soon as he was done with it he took the syringe and hid it inside the cupboard under the kitchen sink and returned to the wounded raider. He'd be in more trouble than he's ever been in his entire life if Loke found out what he just did.

"I'm sorry, that's all I can do without my dad finding out." Jelani whispered. He looked towards the second floor, then back at Zed, and asked, "Do you want some water?"

"No, kid. Get out of here, go back upstairs."

Jelani frowned as he dropped his shoulders, he wished there was something else he could do but at least he gave him a few hours of zero pain, it seemed trivial to him especially since he wasn't able to actually help him, he'd still die without medical help and it was beyond his own abilities. He couldn't imagine how much pain he was in and how bad it was. His arm hurt badly but he was sure that four bullets to the gut must have been worse, he wished then and there to never have to experience such a thing. He turned around and headed for the stairs, careful to not look into the living room where Dogtooth's body was, he could somehow feel his wide open and dead eye following him around the first floor.

"Your dad's right." Zed said as he coughed. "I wouldn't have helped you."

"I know." Jelani said as he looked back at him. He didn't help him out of some sense of superiority, he helped him because to him it was the right thing to do. Maybe he was wrong to do so, maybe it was foolish to spend hard to find chems on a raider that was going to die in a few hours, a raider that just the night before would've killed him and his brother just because he felt like it. Maybe he just wasn't as jaded as most adults were, they had their reasons for being jaded, he wasn't arguing against it but he couldn't exactly grasp such vitriol. It didn't make sense to him.

He carefully went up the stairs, careful to skip over the fifth and eighth steps, and crawled back into bed. He wanted to sleep for the rest of his life.

The boys spent two more days sleeping only waking up to use the bathroom. Both were spent in their own way, Loke having sustained more and worse injuries slept the pain away though sometimes the pain would wake him up though thankfully he'd fall back asleep. He still didn't know what to say to Jelani.

On the third day Jelani woke up and turned on his side, Loke wasn't in bed, he felt surprisingly refreshed and his arm didn't hurt anymore, it was pretty numb but at least it didn't hurt anymore. His headache was gone as well. He figured he'd slept enough, he was thirsty and very hungry which was exacerbated by the smell of food coming from downstairs, he figured Loke had slept enough too. He grabbed a couple of items, cleaned up, brushed his teeth and headed downstairs. He was surprised to find that Dogtooth's body was gone, so was Zed. The blood from the fight had seeped into the floor, fabric and walls, it was unnerving to say the least.

"Hey, little guy." Loke called out, he caught Jelani off guard who gasped and jumped as he turned around to face his brother. He'd bruised pretty badly from the fight. "I was just about to go get you, breakfast is ready."

"What happened to—"

"Come on, made a lot. I don't know about you but I'm starving. Gone through two cups of coffee already."

Jelani walked over to the dining table. Loke wasn't kidding, he'd made a big breakfast though Jelani couldn't blame him, he was hungry enough to eat it all and probably ask for seconds. His interrupted question fell into the void as soon as he saw that table of food and dug in as soon as he sat down. The siblings ate in silence and rather hurriedly, like they'd never seen a meal before in their lives, despite the silence and the need to eat as much as they could there was something hanging in the air between them, every so often one would look at the other and then look back at their breakfast wondering if they should say what was in their minds. Loke downed his third cup of coffee as he looked at Jelani.

"Missing a Med-X syringe."

Loke didn't ask, he stated. Jelani stopped eating for a moment and looked up at Loke, he didn't seem angry or upset in any way, regardless, he knew he couldn't tell him the truth.

"I used it the other night." He stopped breathing for a moment and fiddled with his fork as if trying to stick it into the food. "My arm was hurting a lot."

"Jela, you know the rules."

"I didn't wanna wake you up." Jelani said as he looked at Loke's throat, focusing on the small stab wound.

"Doesn't matter. Next time wake me up, min skatt, they can be pretty dangerous if you use the wrong dosage."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay. You okay, though?"

"Yeah, arm's numb but it doesn't hurt anymore. What about you?" He looked up at Loke as he asked.

"Arm still hurts but it's not too bad, leg's better. We can head out today or do you wanna stay for another day?"

"No, I don't wanna stay here anymore."

"We'll finish eating, pack our stuff and we can head out as soon as we're done then."

Jelani nodded silently as he returned to his breakfast. Loke seemed calm though felt a little distant. He wanted to tell him the truth but he knew he couldn't—wouldn't be able to do so. Helping a raider? He might as well have shot him in the chest with their own mother's sniper rifle. That night weighed heavily on Jelani but he had to push it out of his mind, there was no need to dwell on it any longer, it wouldn't help him or Loke to do so.

After the boys ate their breakfast they gathered all of their belongings, packed them up, and as usual Loke went around the building making sure they left nothing behind. Once he was sure they had everything they were out the door and neither of them looked back, both for different reasons.

Usually the boys were comfortable enough with each other that they could be in each other's company in total silence though the silence circling them was heavy and dense, like thick smoke caught in their lungs. The last time they spoke was just as they were standing at the door of the farmhouse and Loke laid out the map for Jelani to see and both planned their route. Jelani had mentioned the place called New Vegas and Loke seemed to agree with it, their supplies would last just short of arriving to a small little town called Goodsprings. They were looking at maybe a week's worth of a trek in order to reach New Vegas. It felt like forever to Jelani.

The day seemed clear, the wind blew and brought with it a coolness that felt amazing against their faces, like a balm especially after the last few days. Loke wasn't sure what to say to Jelani, he wanted to ask him if he was really alright but he wasn't sure if he was ready for that answer. He wanted nothing more than to turn around and hug him and tell him that it was okay, it did worry him that Jelani didn't bring up Dogtooth or Mike or Zed but especially Dogtooth. That night he told Jelani that Mike was awake when he got to him and shot him in the head, he wanted to shield him as much as he could but there was no way to shield him against Dogtooth. Contrary to how he behaved Loke didn't enjoy killing people, it was a cruel and horrible necessity in the world they lived in, as twisted as it sounded his former boss was correct, it got easier with each new body added to your tally. He was just hoping Jelani would've done so at a later age, to hope he'd never have to was naive in the most idiotic way imaginable and yet he sort of held out hope of that. He remembered the first time he killed someone, a Waster, probably five or six years older than him. Sure, it was easy to take aim, line up the scope right on his target, and it was even easy to pull the trigger. What hadn't been easy was watching the blood burst from the guy's head in a sickening red mist that was swept by the wind, what wasn't easy was watching, in real time, as the guy's head split as the 5.57 bullet entered his skull and ripped through all manner of brain matter and then exited his skull, what wasn't easy was hearing the now lifeless body hit the ground with a sickening thud. What wasn't easy was Loke knowing that a man had died because he killed him, all because someone had a grudge against him and paid to have him killed. Loke had earned his caps that day and lost a little bit of himself too. That night he cried himself to sleep after violently throwing up because every time he closed his eyes all he could see was the mangled head of the Waster on the ground and the only thing he could hear were his fellow mercenaries congratulating him on a flawless kill. All done to keep him and his baby brother fed and now to keep his brother safe. The only difference now was that it was much easier to live with it, so Loke hadn't even given it a second thought when he dragged Zed to the barnyard along with Dogtooth's body and set them both on fire and watched in delight as Zed wailed and screamed. The only regret he had was that he hadn't lasted longer.

"I didn't use the Med-X on me."

Loke lightly shook his head as Jelani's voice surprised him. He looked beside him but Jelani wasn't next to him like he'd been earlier, he looked back and saw Jelani a few feet behind him. He was slightly hunched over, like he was in pain, his arms were crossed over his chest and he was crying.

"I know you didn't, sweetheart." Loke turned around to face his kid brother but stayed still. He wasn't angry at him, he couldn't be. He was only 11-years-old, he was just a child. How could Loke possibly expect him to see someone dying and in pain and brush it off like he did? How could he expect someone so young and mostly shielded to be as bitter, cruel and jaded as he was?

"I'm not mad at you."

"I'm sorry…" Jelani gasped as he continued to cry. His face was contorting as if he'd lost control of his facial muscles and couldn't settle on just one expression. "I'm sorry I shot him but he was trying to kill you. I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!"

Loke ran to Jelani and caught him in his arms as he fell forward and hugged him so tightly that between his heaving and crying and Loke holding him it made it hard for him to breathe.

"I'm sorry!"

"It's okay, honey, it's okay, it's gonna be okay. And I'm sorry, I should've said something earlier. Honey, I am so, so sorry you were put in that situation, it should've never happened. It wasn't your fault, you have nothing to apologize for. You did what you had to do, it doesn't mean you're a bad person. You did what you had to do to survive and no one can blame you for it."

"But why does it feel like I did something horrible?"

"It happens. But, babe, I need you to understand that you weren't wrong. You were just defending me and yourself and there is nothing wrong with that. I know it feels horrible but that's because you're not a horrible person, okay? I promise."

Jelani continued to cry as he collapsed into Loke. He just cried and cried as Loke tried his best to soothe him even though there was nothing he could do for his little brother, he had to ride it out like everyone who has ever had to kill someone has done before him and will continue to do after him. Loke just held him as he fought back his own tears.

"Thanks, sweetheart."

"For what?" Jelani sniffled, he was still clutching on to his big brother like his life depended on it.

"If you hadn't done what you did he would've killed me. You saved my life, little guy."

"'Cause we're a team." Jelani said through tears.

"Yeah. I take care of you and you take care of me."

He watched him as he ran around with the other children in the area. He saw as he chased some of the kids and saw how some of the other kids chased him. Their giggles and laughs blended and morphed into a cacophony of unified laughter though he was able to pick out his from the crowd easily. He didn't have a distinct laughter or a strange giggle, he'd just made it a point to memorize his voice and every sound he made. It was part of his routine, every morning he'd memorize what he was wearing and took a little time to sort of record his voice into his head. He was fully aware of why but at the same time he wasn't too sure, sometimes he wandered if his routines were even sane. Jelani's laughter brought Loke back from his train of thought and he kept watching him as he played with the other kids. Watching him play with other kids around his age felt like a balm on his 26-year-old worn-out soul. He watched as his 11-year-old brother played tag with the other kids down in the rebuilt playground at the center of the Rest Stop that was overshadowed by the collapsed highway looming over them all. He watched as Jelani accumulated point after point and in his head felt a sense of superiority that had oddly made its home in his head as he smiled proudly. Oddly placed pride over a game of tag yet he couldn't help himself but think of it as a way for Jelani to get some training in.

For a moment Loke's eyes darted up towards the horizon. Barren mountains of faded green stretched towards a dazzling display of vibrant orange, yellow, and purple blending as the sun began to set. It'd been a beautiful day, the temperature had been agreeable and even crisp, the sun didn't feel as intense as it usually was for that time of the year and fluffy white clouds painted the vibrant blue sky above. It was a perfect day and ended in a perfect way. His pale green eyes went back to Jelani who was still running about, dodging and sliding to avoid the other kids, Loke probably missed a few points but he was sure his little brother was still ahead. His smile widened.

"Which one's yours?"

The voice startled Loke as he quickly whipped his head to where the voice had come from. He scolded himself for having been so distracted that he wasn't able to hear what he assumed was a woman walking up to him. He looked and saw a slightly older woman than him, didn't seem to be older than thirty-five, standing next to him. Her dirty blonde hair was tied in a loose low hanging ponytail that was draped over her left shoulder. Like him she was pale and had freckles over her face and body. Her large and wide brown eyes seemed to smile though her small mouth had a timid and reserved smile. She had on a surprisingly clean dress though the pink color was faded.

"The little one with long black hair and blue hoodie." Loke said as he pointed at Jelani. He understood that the woman asked which one was his kid and while technically he was Jelani's guardian he was his older brother. However, he learned years ago that referring to himself as his older brother seemed to be an invitation for people to give him unsolicited advice on how to raise his brother, ask very uncomfortable questions pertaining to their parents and even had someone tell him that he was far too young to be raising a toddler and he should give him up to someone better suited for the task. Loke preferred to avoid the last two topics. Questions about their parents always left him feeling horrible and there was no way he would give up his little brother to anyone else, he was more than capable of raising his own little brother despite his age.

"I take it he takes more after his mother." The woman didn't ask, she stated as she looked at the group of kids.

"He does." Loke said matter-of-factually as he looked at the woman and studied her. He checked her pupils, forehead for any sweat, her body language, and the tone of her voice. Some would say he was a human lie detector and it was a skill that had saved his life more times than he cared to admit. He felt a little uncomfortable with the assumption but he remained calm as he continued to study the woman standing near him. She seemed frozen in place, like the air had been sucked out of her. "And which one's yours?" He asked in an accusatory tone.

The woman sprung back to life as she slightly turned and with her finger pointed down to the group of kids. "Small, chubby one on the swing set, short blonde hair."

Loke looked at the swing set and sure enough there was a small and chubby little boy with short blonde hair. The woman and the child she claimed was hers looked alike while Loke and Jelani looked vastly different. Loke was wide, not fat but not lean either, tall, pale, covered in freckles, had pale green eyes, and long ginger colored hair that was a mix of wavy and curly. He was the polar opposite of his little brother where Jelani had no freckles, had long straight black hair, pale blue eyes, was skinny, and was rather dark skinned even among some of the other Black children that he was playing with down in the playground. He was being tested.

"What about the mother?"

Loke's shoulders naturally dropped and he slowly blinked as he inhaled, there was a barely noticeable quiver at the end. "She died when he was almost two. Raiders…"

"God, I'm so sorry." It was the first genuine thing the woman said in their short interaction. "We've had some trouble with children being kidnapped for the past few months so when strangers…men…" She corrected herself though the conviction of her tone betrayed her stern body language, "come around with children we check them out."

"It's fine…it just still hurts." Loke said as he inhaled again, as if the memory of his mother had knocked the air out of his lungs. He turned to look at the woman, his eyes were soft once more, "Gotta do what you gotta do to protect 'em, right?"

"Yeah." The woman replied, her body language was far more loose than before.

"Number seven-hundred and forty-nine!" A woman's voice bellowed from behind them, both of them felt like the sound reverberated through them and left them shaking.

Loke looked down at the small piece of paper he held in his hands, the number matched. "That one hasn't smoked a day in her life, has she?"

"No, she hasn't." The woman let out a snort as she laughed. Her mother was known for being an excellent cook and being able to out-roar a rampaging deathclaw.

Loke laughed as well as he got up to get his and Jelani's dinner. He wanted to call Jelani over but he figured he'd let him play for a few more minutes. He grabbed the food, placed in two separate and very old looking metal trays, and carefully walked back to the picnic table he was sitting on. The smell was tempting him to just eat it as he walked back but he wanted to wait, he always waited for his brother. As he set the trays down he noticed the woman had sat down on the picnic table next to theirs, it slightly bothered him, he didn't appreciate being watched or strangers for that matter especially when Jelani was close by. He didn't say anything as to avoid any trouble, besides, the woman seemed more preoccupied with watching her own kid than watching Loke.

"Jela! Come on!" Loke yelled out towards the group of kids after blowing a rather loud and high pitched whistle.

Jelani, having just been tagged, groaned a little, it wasn't everyday he got to play or be around kids his age lately but nevertheless he obeyed and jogged back up to where his brother was sitting. He wanted to keep playing but admittedly he was hungry so there was a bit of a spring to his step. As he approached he noticed the woman sitting close by and noticed how she watched him without moving her head. He found it odd but didn't say anything, unbeknownst to him his training had kicked into high gear. He studied her from head to toe making note of distinctive features she had, tried his best to guess her height and weight, though he was never good at it, and kept that information at the ready.

"Hey, kiddo." Loke greeted sweetly though hurriedly before Jelani could say anything.

"Hey, Dad. Can I go back after dinner?"

Despite their circumstances and the world they lived in Loke and Jelani were like any other pair of siblings. They had their differences, sometimes they'd get mad at each other, they played together, spent time together, and understood each other on a level most wouldn't really understand. Sometimes all it took was one simple glance from one and the other understood. Sometimes they used code words. Kiddo was used when Jelani had to refer to Loke as "Dad" instead of the usual Lo or Loke or in the extremely rare Loki. Jelani was aware of why they had to pretend to be father and son instead of just brothers sometimes, he'd been present when a lot of unpleasant exchanges had taken place. None of them scared him more than when older adults would tell Loke it would be best to give Jelani up to people who would be better equipped to raise a child, that was his brother, the only family he had left in the world and he wasn't about to be separated from him. However, the older Loke got the less he was hounded about being too young to know how to properly take care of a child.

"We'll see, hon." Loke replied as he sat down, he was starving by now and every second Jelani stalled he could feel the hole in his stomach growing. "Check and see if you like yours."

Jelani sat down on the picnic table and looked at the warm food in front of him. Loke would usually eat only after Jelani was okay with the food. Being a picky eater while on the road was not the most ideal thing but he couldn't help it, certain textures made him gag and he'd refuse to eat it, if the smell was not agreeable to him he wouldn't go near it so Loke would exchange his food with him.

He looked down at his plate, the vegetables looked clean and actually looked fresh. There was nothing more he hated than soggy vegetables. There was a small cup with some purple content in it, mutfruit pudding for dessert, he'd never had that before but since he liked mutfruit he was sure it would taste good. There was also a steaming hot potato with melted butter and topped with scrambled radscorpion eggs. Thankfully the options for meat were far more diverse than the place they'd stopped in a week ago, it was either steamed mirelurks, which, Jelani absolutely hated due to the texture or roasted dog ribs. Eating a dog was the last straw for him, he'd rather go full vegetarian or starve. He ended up eating some scrambled mirelurk eggs with veggies on the side. The meat he chose was something called radrabbit. He'd never seen one before but it looked good and didn't look like it would be a texture that would lead an assault on his senses. Everything actually smelled fantastic so he eagerly sat down and grabbed his drink, some strange concoction of mutfruit and apple turned into juice. The pale purple liquid was actually cold, a bit of a rarity in the Wasteland especially so far away from major cities, towns, and settlements.

"You sure you're okay with yours?" Loke asked as he grabbed his fork and took a sig from his beer.

"Yeah, I think so. Smells great and nothing looks weird." Jelani took a cautious and rather petite bite of the meat, it didn't feel gummy or strange and the taste was pleasant enough that he was sure he would be able to eat it. He was familiar with the rest so he wasn't worried about it. He looked up at Loke and happily nodded after taking that bite and Loke smiled back.

"If you wanna trade lemme know, okay, little guy?"

"I'm fine. Besides, I don't like how yours smells, it's kinda fuckin' weird."

"Goodness!" The woman next to them exclaimed. The siblings had all but forgotten about her. Both of them looked over at her, she had one hand on her chest as if clutching at a pearl necklace and the other was used to cover her more than likely agape mouth. "Who on Earth taught you that?"

"I did, who do you think?" Loke laughed as he took a bite of his dinner while trying his hardest to suppress a smile though he was failing to hide it.

The woman let out a rather unceremonious laugh that ended in an even less ceremonious snort as she tried her hardest to stifle it while covering her mouth with both hands. The F bomb dropped so casually by a child that looked no older than twelve and the almost prideful confession by his father of having taught him the word made her laugh. She wiped away a tear as she stood up while still laughing and walked back to the diner where her mother worked. As she passed by Jelani she ruffled his hair playfully.

"Good boy!" Loke exclaimed as he grabbed his mutfruit pudding and slid it over to Jelani's tray. He was sure to let him go back to play once he finished his dinner.

After dinner Loke looked to see the playground still full of kids despite the sun being almost gone. He let Jelani go and play but told him to keep an eye out for the flashlight signal. Jelani knew what that meant and agreed. Loke had a tendency to want to keep an eye on his younger brother, whenever he was out of sight Loke became frantic and worried, better said, more worried than usual. However, security around Rest Stop was heavy, the guards seemed armed to the teeth and there seemed to be plenty of them. With a bit of unease Loke retreated to the room he rented for the night, he wouldn't be able to fall asleep until Jelani would get back but he'd just occupy himself with the salvaged Pip-Boy 3,000 he got. He managed to somehow fix it and Jelani reprogrammed it, even at that early age Jelani showed promise in being good with programming. He managed to install the operating system and got it to work. They've managed to find, scavenge, and buy games for it, Loke admittedly enjoyed them a lot more than he thought he would.

He sat on the bed and took the Pip-Boy out of his backpack and continued to play Reign of Grelock. Because Pip-Boys were somewhat rare he thought it best to keep the item away from prying eyes, it's common knowledge that they fetch a pretty high price and people have been known to injure or even kill others for their Pip-Boys so Loke decided to keep it hidden. If they ever found themselves in a pinch or very low on caps the darn thing would come in handy for sure.

Despite the game being text based, he hated reading, Loke actually enjoyed that game, it was almost brainless to him and easy. He looked up at the clock and saw it was 20:15, he'd give Jelani a few more minutes while he basked in the time he had to himself. Not that he minded having Jelani around at all times, he rather preferred it but he knew Jelani had to interact and be around kids his age, being around his brother at all times may have been okay with Loke but he was sure Jelani would like being around other kids his age. Yes, Loke did his best to keep him company and play with him as much as he could but between the work he did to keep them both clothed and fed and training he barely had the time. The only time he ever did get to be with other kids was back home before the raider attack that destroyed the small little town he had grown up in, before Astrid and her husband had been killed. Loke shook his head and got back into the game, there was no need to go back to that part of his past. There was nothing there for him and Jelani and lingering there would only hinder his ability to take care of his brother. He put it behind him about as quickly as he put his parents' deaths behind him. There was no need to think on that.

Half an hour later Loke reached into his backpack and rummaged around until he found the large flashlight and smiled. The thing was heavy and it could light up well into the next county. He loved that flashlight. He went to the door and pointed it towards the playground and signaled for Jelani, he used the Morse code signal for home which Jelani knew as Loke had taught him Morse code years ago. He flashed the signal four times and then returned to the room. Jelani was well aware that he had five minutes to get to Loke after he signaled for him to get back to him, he'd learned years ago that when that signal is given he has to get back otherwise Loke would go get him. Loke looked at the time, 20:45, and grabbed some clean clothes and toiletries. Rest Stop had a lot of facilities and one of them gave people the opportunity to wash and dry their clothes as well as a showering area for the many travelers that came through the area. Loke took his jacket and pressed it against his face and inhaled, the smell was invigorating. People out in the Wasteland were so preoccupied with trying to survive that small little things like the smell of freshly washed and dried clothes was something most wouldn't get to experience. As disgusting and depressing as it was what passed as clean for some people was a shirt with stains so old it was now part of the fabric and as long as the smell wouldn't keep other people away most were content with using it. Those were mostly Wastelanders, which, in a way that's what he was at the moment. At least until he found a suitable place to stay. DC was far behind them and that's where he wanted it to stay.

His train of thought was interrupted when Jelani walked into the room. He looked over and saw his kid brother sit on the edge of the large bed and just looked at him, he was breathing heavily from all the running around he'd been doing all day long, his brow was somewhat sweaty and his hair was a mess but nevertheless Loke smiled at him. He knew he'd enjoyed his day and he was grateful for it.

"Time to wash up and go to bed, bud."

"Okay. What time are we heading out?"

"We can stay one more day if you like, give you a chance to play with the kids some more."

"Nah, it's fine, most of 'em are heading out tomorrow and some are leaving tonight."

"Okay, little guy."

The siblings left to the facilities where they had actual soap, real shampoo, and actual conditioner that Loke was thankful for. While the soap was odorless it felt like it was actually cleaning any and all grime off them. It felt as if years and years of metaphorical grime came off Loke and left a silky softness behind, he wanted to stay in there forever, even the water's temperature was perfect. At some point Loke just leaned his forehead on the wall and let the soothing and clean water cascade over him, the pressure, while a bit hard, felt relaxing as the rhythmic thudding of the water hit his body and slid down every angle and curve. No thoughts crossed his mind. For once in what felt like a lifetime he didn't have to think of anything, he didn't have to worry about where else would they find shelter for the night, didn't have to worry about finding clean water, didn't have to hunt down food, didn't have to worry about training—he didn't have to do anything but exist. A barely audible moan escaped his lips as he felt the water slide off his hair and down his body.

Once Jelani finished he wrapped a towel over his body and carefully peeked to see if anyone else had entered the dressing room, he listened carefully but only heard one shower still being used, he knew it was Loke. He quickly ran to the door and locked it to avoid anyone else walking in on him getting dressed. He made sure he completely dried himself off especially his feet as Loke usually instructed, putting socks on while your feet were still wet would cause fungus to grow and he definitely wanted to avoid that. It sounded disgusting. As he put on a shirt he caught his reflection on the mirror in front of him, he hadn't noticed it was there, he stopped to look at himself for a second. He usually avoided looking at himself in the mirror. Mirrors made him feel uncomfortable but as he got older they made him feel uncomfortable for different reasons, he could blend in easily now but he was worried about when he'd hit puberty which in his case he seemed to be starting as evidenced by how the shirt molded itself on him. He'd noticed a few months ago and had started layering or wearing a jacket or a hoodie to try and hide it as best as he could.

He let out a rather disheartened sigh as he looked at himself in the mirror. It wouldn't be long now before he wouldn't be able to blend in with the other boys, he could only use the excuse of being a late bloomer for so long. He was perfectly aware of all the changes that were coming, Loke had made it a point to properly prepare him for it when he'd asked about it a bit before they left DC. Loke was extremely thorough and didn't mince words. Something that landed him in hot water with the other parents in the area. Some had scolded him telling him that Jelani was far too young to know any of it but to Loke it made perfect sense for Jelani to know what would happen, when, and why it happens. He figured the more Jelani knew the harder it would be for someone else to take advantage of him. He appreciated that a lot more than Loke would ever know.

Jelani managed to pry his eyes away from the mirror and continued to get dressed. He sat on a metal bench that was in front of some old and beaten up lockers to put his socks on though he stopped himself, he'd dried himself well but he still wanted to wait a few minutes before putting on his socks to really make sure his feet were dry. As he sat there he heard the shower stop and he looked over to where Loke was.

"You took a while in there." Jelani said as he saw Loke walking into the dressing room with only a towel wrapped around his waist.

"Wasn't that long." Loke said laughing as he sat on the same bench Jelani was sitting on. He sat on one end of the bench with his back to Jelani's back and suddenly fell back with his head and upper torso falling on Jelani's body forcing the 11-year-old forward.

"Hey!" Jelani exclaimed more out of surprise than anything else. "Lo, you're heavy!"

"I am not! You're just tiny." Loke teased as he smiled.

"Nuh-uh! I'm not tiny!"

"Pipsqueak!" Loke declared as he shimmied further up and put more weight on Jelani though he was careful not to put too much weight on him to avoid hurting him. Just enough to playfully tease him.

Loke was caught off guard when he felt Jelani lifting himself up despite Loke's weight. He used his arms that he'd planted into the bench to get enough momentum to raise himself back up until he was sitting up once more. Loke couldn't help but smile.

"Pipsqueak my ass." Jelani declared as he sat straight up and held his own. However, Loke quickly sat up, turned around and began to tickle him until he tapped out. His laughter was contagious and Loke loved to hear it. It was moments like those that kept him whole, kept him sane, kept him doing what he did in order for both of them to survive.

Ever since the death of their parents Loke had trouble staying asleep. He was lucky if he got four hours before waking up. He'd usually get up and check on Jelani to see if he was okay and would just lay there staring at the roof or the night sky, depending on where they camped down for the night. As if right on cue Loke opened his eyes, as his vision focused his eyes fell upon the Pip-Boy sitting neatly on the nightstand, the faint glow of the back light was enough to illuminate the screen while it was in sleep mode. It was 04:23 in the morning. At least he'd gotten five hours of sleep this time. He turned around and looked over at Jelani, he was peacefully asleep next to him clutching the old teddy bear Loke had gotten him for his third birthday. Spots was the name Jelani had settled on, it was Jelani's nickname for Loke on account of all his freckles. He smiled as he watched him for a little while. It wasn't that Loke had these grand plans all neatly laid out for himself when he was younger, he was sort of winging it he supposed, a part of him wanted to go and explore the Wasteland, experience it in all its brutality and wonder and then return home to his family and perhaps take after his mother. He was fond of learning medicine from her, Sanaa was a gifted healer with gentle hands and a sharp mind for treating most ailments and broken bodies and the compassion and sympathy of a saint. Even grumpy ol' Doc Church would seek her counsel from time to time. Few years ago Loke figured he wanted to be like her but that was clearly out of the picture. He had enough medical knowledge to deal with most things but he felt like he was missing a lot; he never even got the chance to start his tutelage under her. As he felt his eyes water, he missed his mother terribly, he looked up when he felt Jelani move a little, in his sleep he'd reached out and grabbed his hand and held on to it with a gentle grasp.

It didn't matter, not now anyways. The only thing that mattered to him now was making sure his little brother was well taken care of. The happier and healthier his brother was the more he thrived and felt at peace. It wasn't always like that though, at the beginning he was nervous, he had no idea of how to take care of a toddler and try to cope with the fact that he'd lost both parents in one day. Those days were a blur to Loke now and days he'd rather forget, he was robotic and mostly unresponsive. Six years ago he never would've figured he'd still be alive to see his little brother grow up but he was glad he stuck around for it. The little bundle in front of him gave him all the motivation and strength he needed and more. Loke gently scooped Jelani up on his arms and pulled him into a hug and as he did he felt Jelani hold on to his arms as he slept.

"Lo."

"Loooo."

"Loooooooo."

"Loki, wake up!"

Loke groaned as he turned over and covered his head with the covers.

"Ugh, come on!" Jelani complained as he climbed up on the bed and then climbed up on Loke while shaking him. "Wake up, it's half past nine, you dick—hey!"

Loke had uncovered himself, grabbed Jelani into a bear hug and slumped back onto the bed while never even opening his eyes.

"Five more minutes…" He managed to groan.

"No!" Jelani pouted. "Now get up, you big suck."

"Brat."

"Dumbass."

"Pipsqueak."

"Dog butt."

"Fine." Loke laughed as he kissed the back of Jelani's head. "Why's your hair wet?"

"I took a shower while you were sleeping."

Loke opened his eyes, his smile vanished and was replaced by a concerned frown as he sat up on the bed and looked at Jelani. "By yourself?"

"Relax. You remember the lady from yesterday? I asked her if she could keep an eye on the door for me while I showered and got dressed."

"She didn't go in while you were there, did she?"

"No, I locked the door just in case, she stayed by the door the entire time."

"O…kay…I uh, I really would've preferred if you'd waited for me. Just…wait for me next time, okay, love?"

"Promise." Jelani said as he looked up at Loke.

Loke made his way towards Angelus' grandmother's house, the property was a good twenty minutes from the bar and between Loke's aunt's house it was a good forty minutes. Even with that amount of time in between Jelani should've been back by then. Loke made his way towards the McFadden house, the lack of street lights and absence of cars meant he had to have his flashlight on though he took the opportunity to look around. The road cut through dense and dark forest, a myriad of thoughts ran through Loke's head. It would be so easy to dispose of evidence or a body given how dense the woods surrounding Ashstone was but Loke shook his head and concentrated, there was no need to take it that far or let his thoughts wander into morbid territories. His little brother was smart and a fighter, he certainly wouldn't be easily taken down by a pair of drunken clowns.

As Loke continued to walk and shine the light he occasionally called out his brother's name in case he'd been injured and wasn't able to call for help. As he called out a very faint light caught his attention, it was from the very edge of his vision that he'd seen the light though he wasn't exactly sure where it was coming from except it came from the left side of the road. He quickly made his way towards the area and a few feet from the road came upon a dirt road, he followed the road and came upon an old cabin. He knew that cabin, it had been abandoned for years now though it was almost always occupied by the local teenagers who needed a place to hang for a while, a place to do drugs, to drink or to have sex in. As Loke approached his heart stopped when he heard some music suddenly start to play, it wasn't just any music, it was Slayer's South of Heaven, it was the ring tone Jelani had for his phone. Loke rushed in and followed the sound to what was once the kitchen and under the table he found his brother's phone facing down. Before he could answer the call the phone's screen turned off, luckily Loke knew the code. When he unlocked the phone he noticed there were over a hundred missed phone calls, over thirty unanswered text messages from different apps, and over twenty voice mails. Loke began to breathe heavily as he looked at the phone. Like him Jelani was never far from his phone and no matter how angry or depressed he felt he always answered a call or a text, nothing about the situation felt right so he put the phone in his pocket and continued to look around the cabin.

He searched room after room and even the closets until he got to the main bedroom. The door seemed to be blocked by something on the other side as none of the doors had working locks.

"Jela!" Loke desperately called out as he slammed himself against the door to try and break it down or move whatever was blocking the door.

After several minutes of slamming himself against the door Loke managed to move whatever was blocking the door and as he slammed into it one more time he managed to pry open the door and as he shun the flashlight inside he let out a shuddering and breathless gasp.

In the middle of the room was Jelani laying on his side and beneath him was a pool of blood, most likely his. Loke's knees gave out and he fell on them as he began to cry and take deep breaths.

"Nei, nei, nei!" He yelled as he tried to stand back up but found his legs had given out completely so he fell back down.

"Jelani?" He cried out in a raspy voice. There was no answer and he didn't move. Loke managed to pull himself back up and stumbled his way towards his brother, Loke absentmindedly grabbed his shoulder and shook him to wake him up but he wasn't responding. Loke turned him so he would be face up and as soon as he did Loke cried out. There were at least five gunshot wounds to his torso that he could see, in his panic Loke decided he couldn't just sit there, he needed to do something in case it wasn't too late. He opened his brother's mouth and pinched his nose close and began CPR.

A part of him knew it was too late for that but another part of him didn't want to admit that it was too late, he wanted to do something, anything in case he could help Jelani in some way. As he continued he began to beg, to who? Anyone and anything that could hear him. As he kept performing CPR he continued to cry and beg and would occasionally call out to Jelani but there was no response.

As he approached he could hear music coming from the house and although he wanted nothing more than to crash into his bed while music blasted from the small pill shaped speaker he was painfully aware of the time though it seemed like his brother wasn't or didn't seem to care.

Ever since that night he seemed different, felt different and even sounded different. There was a vague hostility that blanketed him that was getting worse and worse. It grew thicker and more visible, like a thick fog on the early mornings before the first slivers of sunlight rose from the horizon and darkened the road ahead. It was draining to say the least. Loke missed his little brother, he was by his side like he always had been yet he felt a distance so great it was as if he wasn't even there. He missed his gentleness, his smile, his sweet nature, but most of all, he missed how warm he made him feel. It's as if whoever came back that night wasn't the same little brother he'd come to know and love.

Loke swallowed hard as he compared current Jelani with how he used to be before that night and for a split second he regretted not listening to Jericho, maybe it would've been better if he'd let go of him. As he reached into his pocket for his keys he roughly shook his head. No. No, it would not have been better to let him go not back then and certainly not now. Loke sacrificed a year of his life for him, he didn't regret that at all and would gladly do it again, but letting him go after a sacrifice of that magnitude was insulting to both of them. At least that's how he felt. He'd see this through no matter what other sacrifices he had to make.

"Loke?"

He turned to where the voice had come from and saw the next door neighbor wrapped in a thick blanket walking slowly and cautiously towards him. The woman, Lamar's mom, stopped right at the rose bushes that separated her family's home from Loke's aunt's home. She seemed cagey and nervous, he noticed her swallow hard as she nervously licked her lips right before looking down and then up to the attic of his aunt's house.

"Would you please tell your brother to lower the music? It's almost eleven on a school night, you boys should be asleep by now." There was a clear hesitation on her voice that made Loke feel ashamed.

"I'll take care of it, Mrs. Bourne." Loke looked directly at her eyes but when he noticed her nervousness he lowered his head though he looked up at her to avoid insulting her. Like a massive dog flattening its body on the floor to appear less intimidating.

"Good night." Loke whispered back as Mrs. Bourne turned to go back to her house. Loke unlocked the door and quickly walked in. He didn't stop he just walked up to the attic where he and Jelani shared a room. Neither of them complained about it, it was spacious enough to fit two large and comfortable beds as well as have all their belongings sitting comfortably in their own spaces. They were rather comfortable up there and spent a lot of time there either playing video games, chatting, watching movies, and doing school work.

As soon as Loke opened the door the rough and scrapping voice and melody of Cannibal Corpse hit Loke and while it didn't bother him at all he was concerned about the time and volume. He was sure none of the neighbors appreciated Corpsegrinder's…distinctive voice lulling them to sleep. They barely tolerated it during the day, evidenced by the numerous noise complaints about Zuri's 'devil worshiping nephews living in her house blasting that satanic music at full volume'.

"Little dramatic, don't you think?" Loke teased as he motioned to turn on the lights.

"La dem være av." Jelani replied. His voice was devoid of any emotion.

Loke moved away from the light switch as Jelani asked and stood still for a few seconds but then remembered Mrs. Bourne's request and went to the blue pill shaped speaker on the dresser next to Jelani's bed and lowered it so that both could still hear and appreciate the music but was contained to only the attic. As he walked over to his own bed he dropped his backpack and sat down on the edge of the bed looking directly at Jelani.

"You okay?" Loke hesitantly asked.

"Jeg vet ikke."

"What do you mean 'you don't know'?"

Jelani remained silent as he kept looking at the attic's roof. He contemplated everything he wanted to say and how he was going to say it. How he could say it to inflict as much damage as he could though a part of him didn't want to because no matter what he loved him with everything in him and he was well aware of the fact that had the roles been revered he would've done the same thing. However, he couldn't help but feel angry at what Loke did that night and a part of him couldn't forgive him for it.

"Jela?" Loke called out to him nervously.

"I didn't tell you where I was that night because I knew you didn't approve."

"He's not the problem, his family's the problem. They're—"

"I know what they are, Lo, Jeg er ikke en idiot."

"I know you're not an idiot but—"

"I let him fuck me. That's what I was doing there that night. That's why his uncles beat the shit out of him, dragged him away and fucking killed me."

Jelani sat up on the edge of the bed and faced Loke who reached towards the small lamp on the nightstand between the two beds and turned it on. He froze in place as he saw Jelani covered in blood. His clothes, his hair, his hands, sneakers and now the sheets covered in blood.

The room erupted in a cacophony of yelling and screaming, poisonous words between comrades, friends, colleagues, and in some instances family. Fear was laced into the words, expressions and movements between them all, some even going so far as to become hostile though he wasn't sure if it was intentional or a product of the fear he could sense and smell emanating from all of them.

He looked towards Loke. He was noticeably scared but he was also beyond enraged at that point, Trevor and Uthorim managed to talk him into putting his gun away. The trigger for said explosive behavior was Varg's suggestion that the PMC gather up every divine in the realm and lock them away until they could solve the issue. Varg's suggestion was controversial, it earned some approval and some resistance. Angelus himself was appalled at the idea of doing so especially knowing full well that his husband was a divine. The very idea of gathering him up and locking him somewhere as if he was to blame for what was happening made him sick to his stomach. The result of which was Angelus pushing Varg against the concrete wall of the bunker and had Uthorim not stopped him he would've done something he would regret later on.

Uthorim had remained calm, at least on the surface he appeared so, ever since they figured out the virus was airborne he was fitted with a heavily customized PPE setup he had to wear everywhere except for the bunker he was currently in. Entry to the bunker was heavily monitored and everyone, whether they were divine or mortal, had to be checked and decontaminated. Uthorim wasn't thrilled with the idea of being kept in a bunker but part of him felt cautious about the virus, he'd seen the effects first hand. It destroyed its victims from the inside and drove them mad. They all looked like they were conscious of what was happening but couldn't stop themselves. He saw a god of life take it as if it meant nothing to Him. He saw footage of a nature goddess explode an area while screaming and bawling Her eyes out as She kneeled in the center of a park once filled with life and vegetation. Her cries for help extinguished by a flash of light and what remained of Her bloody body was scattered all over the park. For the first time in a very long time he was afraid. He turned to his side and looked at Loke, the fire and fury of his rage displayed for all to see and know. His sclera now a blood red circling his glowing pale green eyes as he stared at Varg and continued to hurl insults at him. Uthorim was more worried about his husband than he was of himself, this crisis affected him twofold.

The room fell into a sudden silence when the door to the interrogation room where one of the people responsible for the virus had been kept. Jelani walked in alongside two heavily armored and armed vampires who stood by the door. It was almost comical to see a pair of vampires keep watch over a deity of that caliber yet Aleksey demanded it. Jelani sat across the man who began to smile, genuinely smile in joy.

"O, saint of existence!" The man's breath quivered as he looked at him, "Your Grace…!" The man dropped his head on the white table in front of him and stretched his arms forward as if in prayer.

"Don't fucking call me that." Jelani snapped back as he looked at the man with disgust. His actions and involvement with the events were enough to disgust him but acknowledging his status as a divine was an insult to him.

"A thousand apologies, my lord. I'm honored by your presence, how can I be of service?"

"Where's Roosevelt?"

The man remained silent for a few seconds as he looked at Jelani, that strange and over joyous smile still plastered all over his face. "Your holiness—"

"What the fuck did I just say?!" Jelani yelled, his patience was wearing thin.

"We're at the end of this specific road. It's your one and only chance to choose how this ends. Either end everything in one swift and painless move or destroy it all in a glory of chaos and destruction. You don't have any other choice, it's not like you're allowed to just snap your fingers and make all of this go away."

Jelani sat back as he stared back at the man and scowled at him. He was fully aware of what he meant by not being allowed and in his head he cast a million curses towards a particular Concept noting the hypocrisy of the title It held as It sat back and did nothing or even allowed anything to be done. Jelani didn't understand it and probably never would.

The man fell silent and kept staring at Jelani, that same creepy smile on his lips though this time tears formed and silently slid down his cheeks. He closed his eyes as he inhaled and lifted his head up subtly waving it from side to side.

The man hummed and as soon as he fell silent again he slammed his face into the table with full force over and over and over again. Jelani stood up and backed away while the armed guards motioned forward but Jelani stopped them as he watched the man slam his own face into the once white table. Everyone outside of the interrogation room recoiled in shock and disgust while Loke, Angelus, Trevor, and Uthorim ran towards the door in case Jelani needed help.

After slamming his face for the ninth time he stopped and looked at Jelani again, his face was mangled and bloody and even through all of that he was still smiling. Breathless and in pain he leaned closer to Jelani and in a gurgled voice said, "Hail Maker of Makers, holy Extension of the Concept of Existence and harbinger of its end."