Hello, sir or ma'am. Kind Words.
Fuck you.
Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you!
I have had enough of this. I have asked, I have pleaded, I have begged you terrible lot time and time again, relentlessly, to cease this cruelty. And you refuse to listen! You are all sick. As sick as Jimmy, as sick as Shrike! I would pray for you but I fear it would be ineffective and merely end up as a waste of what little energy I've left right now. I've no responsibility to save those who do not care to be saved. So if you all wish to rot away in your own vitriol, go ahead and be my fucking guest! Just take it elsewhere, for the love of god!
You say you want repentance? Why not begin with yourselves, then, instead of policing what Grant has no control over? Dismount your high horses already, you pious hypocrites. You have all been here. Loss of flesh and limb, freedom, autonomy, personhood, abuse — his pain and suffering should not be your fucking "toll" to pay just to be able to live his life! And I am not trying to "fix" anything on his behalf — what Jimmy has done cannot be undone, by anyone. As grateful as I am, even that strange miracle did not "fix" anything. Daisuke and Swansea are still injured, and Anya has still been attacked. Jimmy is still dead, and his blood is on our hands! How is that any better than what you all claim Grant is at fault for?!
Repentance is not what you all are seeking. You only wish for more suffering. I won't stand for it.
Believe me, the Warblers are well acquainted by now with the hatred and misunderstandings of people like you all. My mother struggled with it for her entire life. I have struggled with it. Kestrel struggles. Grant struggles. But what is one more brick in the wall, yeah?! If push comes to shove then I am more than capable of trading blows! Misconstrue my intentions all you wish. I, for one, am tired of being told that my love is not enough! Or incorrect! Inhuman! Especially from those who know how to do nothing but act inhumanely!
Do you know what I shall see when I am able to walk into that hospital room for the first time? It will be heartbreaking and horrifying, yes — because no mother ever wishes to have to see her child in a hospital! But that is what I will see! My son! No matter how he has, does, or will ever look! And I am only ashamed that you all are so vapid and shallow-hearted that you cannot comprehend that!
I am a mother; do you think I do not know what work is? Have you ever raised a child? Have you ever had to sit uselessly and watch your baby hooked up to a machine, struggling to breathe on his own? Have you ever spent countless, sleepless nights unable to soothe his sickness? Have you ever had to deal with someone wishing to hurt your child? Someone close to you, who you would have formerly trusted with your life? Have you ever had to guide and nurture a young heart when you yourself are hardly an adult as it stands? The relentless questions, the never-ending bullying, a hundred, thousand, million other things that you've no answer to?
Once again, believe of me what you wish. I know who I am and what I am capable of. But call either of my boys a "pet project" again and you shall never know peace from me. I have found my way into more than one head, after all — do you believe I could not find yours, too?
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Of course, none of this is meant for anyone who has been kind to Grant. I would... I would consider many of you friends, by this point. I am terribly grateful not to be alone with this - for him not to be alone, and to not have only myself to rely on. Thank you all. I apologize greatly for my outbursts.
In a while, dear, I would like to speak with you about my plans. For the future. It seems Kestrel has already tipped you off, though. That boy is quite awful at keeping secrets, but I suppose that is my own fault.
Oh, goodness. I need to lie down...
hello...?
what?
what nononono what did i do im sorry im so sorry im so sorry—
...oh. oh okay okay im sorry about that please dont apologize was my fault for misunderstanding not yours not yours.
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it's not your fault what happened to him. that he's dead. you were just trying to save me it's my fault
no they want me to fix it they dont want me to hurt you theyre right you shouldnt have to get this upset over me
why do you both keep acting like i'm one of you
no no no no that's not what i meant i swear your love is enough and it's wonderful, i would never— she was wrong what she said to you, and me, it's me that's wrong. you're not doing anything wrong and that's the problem because i'm going to get you hurt i have gotten you hurt because youre so kind to me and i cant bear to let it go even if it would be better for you
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...im sorry im sorry i know you're not weak i know you've been through just as much as anyone else i just dont want to add to that i dont want to make it worse
what are you saying...?
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yeah thank you... you don't... have to, i'm really so grateful and i understand if its too much. im sorry it's so much— no please don't apologize to them, this wasn't your fault, youre not the one who owes an apology.
mhm okay if you want to we can. ...and uh if you ever change your mind please just tell me i promise you i'll understand
