#...whew

I LITERALLY PREDICTED HIS PRO HERO REDESIGN, AND I WAS TWO -- TWO -- POSITIONS OUT WITH HIS HERO BILLBOARD RANKING. I KNEW HE'D DO SO WELL. FUCK. YES.

Send ♣ for a drunk message.

📲 to: dad x2

Plus I'm having some problems at work and I don't know how I feel about them, but it isn't good.

Basically all of my friends are freaking out about things because their lives are in these big states of turmoil. And I'm happy to let them vent to me. I WANT them to vent to me and talk to me.I encourage it. But my life is freaking out too.And I still feel like my school isn't doing anything for me except taking my money, but one of my teachers insists on trying to guilt trip me every other day to "contribute to the department" and "give back to my university". And it's usually the teacher that I feel like is the most absolute WORST teacher there who has done next to nothing for me so I don't think he has any room to say anything like that to me. And my sister might be moving pretty far away here soon and I won't see her as much- not that I get to see her very often often as it is. SO that's not pleasant to look forward to at all.

One of the best friends I've ever had is about to move away. But I guess so am I probably, but neither of these things really make me feel very good.

I'm trying really, really freaking hard to work up the guts to pursue this guy I'm interested in. But he's giving me such mixed signals about how he sees me and I can't even tell if he likes guys like that and PLUS he's a stoner amongst other things and my mom gave me this talk about why I shouldn't involve myself with people who are into drugs. Honestly, I think he's high often enough that I don't really know if I like HIM or just who he is when he's high.

Oh, and I'm trying to put my art in the world and do different things and get some kind of recognition or exposure. That's not working at all. I'm trying to find people who are doing what I want to do with my life, but none of them will give me even a minute to talk to them or ask them questions.

For some reason when I decide it's time for me to go to bed, I get feeling really nervous and anxious and it makes it harder to sleep, and when I DO go to sleep, I don't feel like it's helping at all. I get the same feeling before I go to school, or work, or really leave my house at all even though I know that nothing is going to happen. I don't even know what I would expect to happen if something were to happen.

Ah, and then, I directed this play recently. And it ended, and I was so glad to be out of it because it took up literally, all of my time. Like, no exaggerating- if I was lucky, I would have like 10 or 20 minutes where I could eat or something without having to multitask. It's over, but there were apparently problems with my budget so now I'm having to hear about that. And they keep going "Oh, but don't worry about it, we'll handle it". Which I'm glad they don't want to try and make me fix it now, but why bother bringing it up if you don't want me to help! Are you just trying to stress me out even more! And I have had like NO motivation all semester for anything. I can't get inspired like I usually can. The majority of what I do feels really forced.