#...here for this!

I am in disbelief. I am still in disbelief but it’s good disbelief! It is fabulous disbelief! It’s just…wow. I don’t know if someone bound and gagged Shonda and did the last minute revisions or if she pulled her head out of her ass on her own but THE FINALE WAS FULL OF WIN IN NEARLY EVERY WAY THAT I WANTED, ESPECIALLY BETWEEN OUR HEROES!

No. You read that right. I actually loved a season finale from this twisted ass bullshit show that I can’t be bothered to quit and it only took 4 seasons for it to happen. Why am I so happy? Let me enlighten you and gush like the grinning idiot I’ve been since Thursday…

1). Rowan and B613 was defanged. It wasn’t because of that big epic Case that turned into an epic blood soaked FAIL (partially thanks to Mellie, which made me gleeful! I was cackling!) but because of the man’s own hubris. He spent so much time pulling strings, manipulating people (BTW, I’m not sorry for Huck, whether Quinn leaves him alive or not. I stopped stanning for Huck in 3A, which y’all already know. I’m thinking that his family’s dead, though and that makes me sad…), and making sure that Liv stayed one step behind in destroying Command that he forgot to protect Eli.

He forgot to protect his true identity from mayhem and now, the bastard is in jail for embezzling over 2 billion dollars from his cover. And I know one thing about the system. The Powers that Be really don’t give a shit if an unarmed and innocent PoC gets gunned down/harassed/injured by crooked cops but they do care about animal rights, gun rights, and “national treasures” such as The Smithsonian.  Factor in that Eli is a black man, an old and arrogant to the end black man and he’s not getting out for a good little while. The money came from Huck’s “Hole Tax Fund” but nobody knows it so…in the immortal words of the Cell Block Tango: HE HAD IT COMING! 

AS DID MELLIE AND CYRUS! I spent the majority of the episode laughing at both of them. I laughed because Mellie finally got truly, unavoidably burned with her Lane Leaving Ways and she’s an accessory to a slaughter. Not a murder but a slaughter. 16 Jurors, 1 Court Reporter, and then the clean up efforts of getting rid of every B6thirt-bullshit operative…that’s at least 20 people and NO, I HAVEN’T FORGOTTEN THAT EVERYONE ELSE HAS BLOOD ON THEIR HANDS! I’m not an idiot and I have wonderful recall when it comes to this show, good or bad. So, yeah. Fitz still did in Verna and shot down that plane. I haven’t forgotten.

However, Mellie has always, always, al-ways gotten a Pass for her bad behavior while everyone else gets raked over the coals and unhappy so I’m glad that she got caught (thanks to a likely scheming Lizzie-Bear/C.C. Babcock) with no wiggle room to escape. I am and nobody, especially a bunch of selective amnesia Stans and whiners will take that joy from me.

Look, your precious baby Antebellum Demon spent the majority of the season on top and we all had to choke it down until the last 30 minutes of the Finale. Be happy with that and let the rest of us with common sense have our day, okay? Okay. Shut the fuck up, stay in your lanes, go sit in the corner and cry until Premiere Day and if you come for me, I’ll burn you to a crisp. Don’t test me.

Cyrus is loyal to nobody but Cyrus. I always knew that but the Finale proved it in so many ways, in so many betrayals that I have lost what little patience and respect I had left for him. Okay, I pretty much had none left after his actions during Liv’s Liv-napping but still…fuck him, fuck his mother, fuck his ancestors, and the trick down the street. Just…no. Fuck him.

Like Rowan, both Cyrus and Mellie got exactly what they’ve deserved:

2). Fitz threw them both out. He threw them out! He threw them out! HE THREW THEM THE FUCK OUT! And that…that is the absolute worst thing that could’ve happened to both of them so that’s the best karma for them. They would prefer death over being cut out of the White House Power Bubble and off of their Host like the leeches they are and have always been. FITZ FOUND HIS PRESIDENTIAL BALLS OF TITANIUM/DIAMOND ALLOY AGAIN AND THREW THEM THE FUCK OUT  and NO, it wasn’t him being holier than thou or hypocritical. Nope. He did it because he’s sick of being lied to, he’s sick of being leeched off of, he is sick of everyone’s bad behavior being justified for the almighty Grant Administration so he cleaned house. 

He threw Mellie out of his house (and it is his house) and he fired Cyrus and Rowan is in the pokey. 

If the good things had stopped here, I would’ve been pretty happy.

But, things got better. Immensely, overdue better.

3). Ballard is gone. Ballard is gone. BALLARD IS GONE! He’s not dead like I hoped and he’ll probably pop back up like a bad zit in a few episodes next season but as for him being in Liv’s bed and pussy, NOPE. That shit got firmly shut down at last and while I wish Liv had been the one to shut it down (The Creator had to let her pet have the last word and look like a semi decent man), O-how-bout-NO has a fork in it, it’s well done, leading to the highest point of the night to 90% of the Arena!

4 to INFINITY AND BEYOND). IT’S ABOUT MOTHERFUCKIN’ TIME THAT WE GOT A SENSIBLE AND HAPPY OLITZ IN A SEASON FINALE! NOT A MIDSEASON FINALE, NOT AN EPISODE ARC BUT IN THE SEASON FINALE ITSELF WHERE IT CANNOT BE UNDONE UNTIL SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER/WHENEVER THE HELL THE SHOW IS COMING BACK ON!

When the Phone Call of WIN happened, my remaining hopes fell into the basement to wait for the middle of Season 5 because past Finales have proved that if something good and hope filled happens between Liv and Fitz in the first half hour-40 minutes, then all of us Olitz folks are fucked. Remember the Great Seal kiss? Remember Superpowers? Remember 2 Babies in Vermont? I did and I drank more of my Tequila-Gatorade (Gator-quila) cocktail in preparation.

And then when Fitz went to her place and it was dark, I started praying that if she ran away again, she did it by herself and she was going to go find a very good and very discreet shrink so she can work through what’s happened to her so she can come back stronger than ever. I was hoping that Fitz would find a note (not like that resignation letter bullshit) but one explaining her reasons for leaving and promising him that she would come back and that she still loved him…

SHE RAN TO FITZ! SHE WAS ON THE TRUMAN BALCONY WAITING FOR HIM AND SHE RAN TO FITZ! SHE DID NOT RUN AWAY FROM HIM! SHE DID NOT RUN AWAY FROM HIM! SHE RAN TO FITZ! SHE RAN TO FITZ! SHE RAN TO FITZ AND THEY KISSED AND FITZ PICKED HER UP AND GOD IS FUCKING REAL BECAUSE THAT IS THE FIRST TRUE INSTANCE OF HOPE THAT WE HAVE EVER GOTTEN WHEN IT COMES TO THESE TWO PRECIOUS IDIOTS!

It was a wonderful first step and there’s still going to be challenges for them. After all, Fitz didn’t throw divorce papers at Mellie and Liv still needs to address her PTSD and other demons. Not to mention that Mellie and Cyrus are far too selfish, evil, and stupid to just leave quietly. They’re gonna raise some scorched earth hell once their egos recover and their main target is gonna be Olitz. There’s still much to do and Handle before they can truly, permanently be happy and knowing The Creator (and her ways), she’ll find some way to break Liv and Fitz up again by Winter Sweeps because she sucks.

But for the time being, my k’nuckleheads and our mass OTP ended this lukewarm and painful season together. Genuinely together and while it doesn’t undo all of the bitter fuckery we endured since 2B, it turned it all into the Buckley’s Cold Medicine canon that I’ve been hoping it would become: utterly nasty but good for us in the long run.