for the oc asks guilt & failure😈
Guilt: what is your OC guilty about? How do they handle their guilt? Do they try to avoid guilt, or do they accept it?
Allie feels extremely guilty at how she behaved toward her Mom in the last years of her life. She was just a teenager, and her mom was very reserved, very demanding, and Allie was definitely deep into teenage rebellion. She was extremely shitty and resentful, the sort of stuff that would have absolutely worked itself out if the slaver raid had never happened. But even after all the therapy, all the processing she does after Mindoir, the hardest thing for her to get past by far is the fact that she believes her mother (who was really a great and loving parent) died feeling that her only child hated her. I don't think she ever does get past this guilt, actually. I think she accepts that it will always be with her.
Failure: what's your OC'a greatest failure? Have they been able to move past it? Does anyone else know about it?
So Akuze is funny because to my knowledge we never really hear the details of exactly WHY Shepard was the only survivor, and why that's not like... obviously not a positive, that her most notable accomplishment is a squad wipe lmao.
I have this headcanon about Akuze that the reason Shepard is the Sole Survivor is that she had good judgment, made the right calls, but no one listened to her.
It was her first command, over marines that didn't particularly respect her (I have a headcanon that her 2nd in command frequently undermined her, which bleeds into her early interactions with Kaidan)
She was young, with underdeveloped leadership skills, and this was supposed to be an extremely simple textbook mission. When the thresher maws showed up, it was total chaos and she wasn't able to get anyone to follow any orders (except Toombs, who was basically the only one who had tried to give her a chance).
So when Alliance HQ takes a look at the reports, they realize ok here's a phenomenal soldier, excellent judgment, incredible resilience, but poor leadership. How about we put her through N7 training, play to her strengths (shes an infiltrator) and she can develop leadership in smaller squads.
So when she starts out on ME1 she has an extreme intolerance for insubordination of any kind, is thoroughly suspicious of and hostile toward Kaidan, and is riddled with imposter syndrome. She has total confidence in herself and her own skills, but really struggles to see herself as a leader. The Spectre thing sounds perfect - they operate alone. But when Anderson cedes the Normandy to her she is TERRIFIED.
