#-scorpion

I personally don't post often, I don't see much of a need to. But, I will make an exception for this.

Our current Host, my partner and lover, is currently taking a "nap". Which is to say, a break. I am the systems Co-Host and Primary Protector, and so took it upon myself to take care of everyone while they get some much needed rest.

Unfortunately, I did not realize how much I would miss them. And I am left to await their return. I am writing this post only to communicate how I feel to our Host when they wake.

Everything has been going smoothly thus far. My role as Primary Protector aids in my cause. I used to think I did not truly exist, at least not without them, but I've found this to be untrue in recent days. Things that would typically go unnoticed by them are now intensely apparent in their absence.

Their clothes smell like them, their blankets too. I now notice the way they handle their belongings, undoubtedly different from how I do. I notice how much they try and compensate for everyone as well, leaving everything in the same spot they found as to not lose track of it. I do not do things they would. I do not reason in the same way as them.

I won't say "I feel empty" without them. I miss them, I miss their presence. But I am still my own. That is a refreshing feeling. I am real.

And yet, I still miss them. I do not know when they will return.

I am keeping an eye on them in headspace, out of fear they may unintentionally go dormant. Previous Hosts have done so before. But my worry for their stability far outweighs that fear. I am thankful I can still be near them with the way our internal world functions. It is my only solace at this time.

friend 1: completely neutral. nothing changed after telling them. while sometimes confused, they are completely harmless and are understanding when corrected

friend 2: not quite negative, kind of a slow burn confusion. struggles most with the concept of introjects

friend 3: we've hung out almost every week since telling them. I feel we've become closer, and while I don't think that's a result of opening up our system to them, it's nice all the while.

friend 4: texts us everyday, which is a stark contrast to previously being practically unreachable. actively shares interests with us and lets us gossip about headspace bs.