Switzerland – Daughter

It’s been a week.

A week since she’s called and told him that she misses him. He’s played her voicemail so many times that he has her words committed to memory.

Luke, I’m just calling to say…well, I don’t really know. I miss you. Sigh. It’s been difficult, and this message probably doesn’t help. Everything that’s happened, everything I’ve done, I’m sorry. I hurt you, a lot, and I don’t know how to make it better. Hell, I don’t think that I can. Pause. I understand why you said what you did. I don’t blame you. You deserve better—you deserve stability and a woman who can be there. Someone dependable. Pause. I’m just sorry I couldn’t be her. Listen, you don’t—you don’t have to call me back or anything. I just wanted to let you know. Love—Pause. Take care.

Luke plays with the small device in his hands. With each passing moment, he isn’t sure if he should call her. He wants to. He just wants to hear the sound of her voice, if only one last time. He wants to know that he’s made the right decision.

He checks the time. 3:02am. Luke knows she’s asleep—she’s never been one to stay up through the night. The ghost of a smile plays on his lips as he remembers all the times she tried to stay up to wait for him when he would return from The Crow’s Nest.

A sigh forces its way from behind his lips as he looks down at the phone again. He shakes his head. Better now than never—at least you can say you tried. His thumb slides over the numbers that have been ingrained in his memory. Slowly lifting the phone to his ear, he listens as the phone rings: once, twice—

“Hello?”

Luke freezes. His muscles seize up, and he can’t remember what to say. He can’t remember if he had anything to tell her in the first place. She’s already made him forget himself, and it’s only been a few seconds.

This isn’t how he envisioned it—how he envisioned any of this. He wanted to clear his conscience of the voicemail she left him. Silence is so deafening, he thinks to himself. He focuses on the sounds he can make out from her end. She’s started to shift in bed, the sheets rustling around her. Her breathing becomes even, but not so much that she falls back asleep. She’s waiting for him.

Essie calls his name softly, sleep clinging to the edges of her voice. She sighs into the silence, and Luke finally replies.

“Essie,” he whispers roughly.

Her voice hitches as she whispers an “oh god,” fighting back the tears she knows are coming. Lu shuts his eyes as he tries to gather his thoughts. He rests his head in his free hand.

“Please say something,” she whispers hoarsely.

“What do you want me t’say?” he asks quietly.

A pause. “Something. Anything.” She laughs once. “I miss the sound of your voice.”

“I don’t want t’mess this up,” he replies. Silence.

“There’s nothing you could ever do to mess anything up.”

“I pushed you away.”

“I was the one who pushed you away. I pushed you too far.” Silence. “I’m sorry. Gods, I’m so sorry.”

Luke breathes in quietly. “’S okay.”

“No, it’s not okay. It never will be. I hurt you—gasp—and there’s nothing I can do to take it back. I would give anything. I love you so much.”

A dull ache blossoms in his chest. He doesn’t want this. He doesn’t want to hear this. He hates hearing her like this.

“We both were wrong.” Silence.

“…Lu?”

“Yes?”

As Essie neared The Crow’s Nest, a sense of relief washed over her. She’d had a trying day at work, to say the least—and wanted a drink; or to see Luke. Definitely both, she thought to herself. Upon reaching the bar, she heard the pulse of loud music through the door and shook her head. Quinn always had the most interesting taste in music, and somehow, no matter how much she listened to her favorite songs on the way home, the songs she’d hear at the bar would always get stuck in her head.

Pushing the heavy door open, smiling at the bouncers just outside—they inclined their heads in reply—Essie entered the bar. It was absolutely brimming with patrons, some of whom she was familiar with as regulars, and she pushed through them until she got to the bar.  One of the patrons—another regular—spotted her and offered her his seat. She thanked him with a bright smile and sat down.

Meanwhile, Luke was down at the other end of the bar serving drinks, unaware of her arrival. She took up conversation with the man who’d just given up his seat for her, and they shared a few laughs. One of the bartenders sidled up to her and set down her usual drink with a grin. She thanked him and took a sip of the gin and tonic. When Luke finally came down to her end of the bar, she waved at him. He stopped in his tracks, a confused smile on his lips.

“Ess! What are you doing here?”

She smiled tiredly. “Today’s been a long day, and there have been two things I wanted when I finished work: a drink, and to see you. In no particular order,” she added. Those around her that heard it let out a slightly mocking aww and Essie laughed. Pushing herself up onto her knees on the barstool, she leaned over the bar and pressed a kiss to Luke’s lips. This garnered an unnecessary round of applause from the guests around them. When Essie sat back down, Luke shook his head and leaned against the bar.

“I thought you were going home,” he said as he poured a few drinks for the ladies that had sidled up to the bar a few seconds ago. They giggled and made a few comments about Luke—particularly how handsome he was—and Essie just snorted.

“I was, but I thought I’d come and see you first. It’s Friday, and I know you won’t be home for a while, so I wanted to see how you were doing before I head back home.”

He smiled. “You didn’t have t’do tha’.”

“Yet here I am,” she replied with a grin.

The other manager came up beside Luke and told him he was going to take a quick fifteen, and Luke nodded. Just as he turned back to continue talking with Essie, a few customers called from the other side of the bar. He smiled apologetically, but she waved him off. He made his way over to the end of the bar, and Essie leaned back against the chair, taking a few sips of her drink. She turned her head and listened as two patrons shared stories about their day and smiled. They engaged her, and she responded whenever appropriate.

Esselyn liked the Nest—she felt comfortable here, and everyone knew everyone. Plus, she loved watching Luke work. It’s only fair, she thought in amusement.

A few moments later, Essie was nearly pushed out of her chair by a burly-looking drunk. The alcohol in her glass spilled out over her lap and all over her left arm. She looked up at the clumsy patron: he was nearly twice her size and covered in sweat. She frowned in disgust. The man she’d been talking with told him to watch where he was going, but the newcomer paid him no heed. Essie frowned, taking a few cocktail napkins from behind the bar and wiping the spilled alcohol from her hands and lap.

Setting her drink down on the bar, Essie placed a firm hand on the sweaty man’s forearm. “Thanks for being considerate,” she said dryly. His glazed over eyes fell upon her, and his eyebrows drew together.

“Fuck off, ya mick,” he slurred, before returning to his active search for Luke. The patrons around her expressed their discontent for his attitude, but she waved them off. Temper flaring, she grabbed the man’s arm once again and forced him to face her.

“I’d like an apology, before you’re too drunk to remember who you even are,” she bit out, bright eyes growing sharp. He looked down at her once again, his drunken stupor giving way to anger.

“Do you not know the meaning of ‘fuck off’? Get your hands off of me, stupid bitch.”

That was all it took before Essie’s palm connected with his face with a resounding crack. The surrounding customers gasped, backing away from them. The man who’d given up his seat for Esselyn tried to pull her back, but she shook him off easily.

“You had better watch your mouth before I knock a few of your teeth loose,” she warned tersely.

The man growled and swung at her, but she dodged it easily and decked him across the face. He reeled back, falling against a few patrons before rushing at her again. He lumbered across the space separating them, fists up, but Essie was too quick for him. She dodged his punches and landed a few of her own.

Luke, caught off guard by the commotion, ran from where he stood at one end of the bar to where the crowd had gathered. His heart dropped as he witnessed Essie facing a drunken man twice her size, avoiding his attacks. Anger surged within him, and his fists clenched.

“Esselyn!” he roared. Her head whipped around at the sound of his voice, her bright eyes blazing in fury.

That was the opportunity the man seized to land a fist squarely on her jaw.

The blow sent her reeling, knocking her clear off her feet. Luke growled and jumped over the bar, putting himself between the drunken bastard and Esselyn. He punched the man in the gut, forcing him to keel over, and connected his knee with his nose. The man cursed, spitting out profanities and derogatory names.

“You come into my bar and dare cause trouble? How dare you lay a hand on anyone--especially her,” he seethed, hauling the man up by the collar. “Get out of here, you filthy bastard.”

The man, sufficiently terrified in his drunken state, stumbled toward the door, Luke just behind him. One of the bouncers, looking between their infuriated employer and the man struggling to gain his footing on his way out of the door, stepped forward and grabbed the latter by the shoulders and shoved him into an off-duty cab.

Though the music still played loudly, most of the noise had dwindled down to uneasy conversation as the guests speculated about what just transpired. Luke stalked back through the crowd, the patrons clearing out of his way, and came to stand in front of Essie. She was back on her feet now, one of the regulars supporting her from behind. Her fingers pressed against her jaw as she assessed the potential damage. The other manager returned from his break early to see what all the commotion was about, and he stared in confusion from behind the bar. Luke grabbed a hold of Esselyn’s arm and pushed her gently through the crowd to the stock room in the back.

“Watch th’ bar,” he said in a clipped tone to the other manager before leaving. Once they were in the stock room, Luke pointed to a stack of wooden cases.

“Sit,” he instructed flatly. Essie, knowing better, did as she was told. Luke gingerly felt along her jawbone for any breaks or swelling. He turned and disappeared, returning a few minutes later with ice and a cool rag. She took it and pressed it to her jaw, trying to avoid moving it. Adrenaline still pumped through her veins, so the pain didn’t feel as bad as she knew it would later.

“What happened?” he demanded.

“He nearly knocked me out of my seat. I asked for an apology, and he told me to ‘fuck off’,” she replied.

Luke furrowed his eyebrows in irritation. “Tha’s it?”

“No. He called me a few names too.”

Luke’s jaw worked as he struggled to reign in his temper. “What were they?”

“Doesn’t really matter now, does it?”

“Tell. Me.”

Essie sighed in resignation. “He called me a mick and a stupid bitch.”

“Where else did he hit you?” Luke proceeded, eyes darting to arms, stomach, chest, and anywhere else he thought she might have been injured.

She shook her head. “He didn’t get the chance to. Except for when you shouted my name.”

Luke mentally kicked himself. “You shouldn’t have said anything. You should have told me first.”

Essie removed the ice from her jaw and tilted her head to the side. “Mo rún, you were busy. I can take care of myself.”

“I know tha’,” he said in exasperation. “Doesn’t mean tha’ I don’t worry about you.”

Essie gave him a sweet smile. “I know. I’m a headache.”

“Not true,” he argued. She raised an eyebrow.

“You’re not a very good liar,” she replied with a laugh. Luke shook his head and stepped closer to her. Dropping down to his knees, he looked up at her, anger slowly ebbing. He rested his palms on her knees and stroked her skin with his thumbs.

Essie winced. “I’m sorry, Lu. I should have just gone home.”

Luke shook his head. “Don’t be sorry, mo ghrá. You didn’t know this was going t’happen.”

He stood up slowly, and Essie followed. “I’ll head back home, love,” she declared with a tired smile.

“Like hell you are. You’re t’stay here where I can keep an eye on you.”

ding.

Luke fished his cell phone out of his pocket and looked at the screen.

[text; essie] how was your day? miss you.

He smiled and typed a reply.

      same as always. taking a day off, like you told me. I miss you too, mo ghrá.

      how's your trip?

Luke looked out the den window. The sun had long set by now, and the lights from the city dimly illuminated the horizon. With a sigh, he leaned back on the couch, arm behind his head.

ding.

[text; essie] happy to hear it, lu.

[text; essie] trip is okay. wishing for home.

Luke's smile faltered briefly as he read her last text. He wished she was home too; he missed her immensely. It was too quiet without her, too cold and lonely. As cliché as it sounded, she was the dawn to his dusk, the warmth in the cold.

Ankou whined quietly, sensing the shift in his master's attitude. The sound brought Luke out of his thoughts, and he looked back at the phone to reply.

       I wish you were home as well. you'll be home soon. just a few more days.

Sighing, Luke shut his eyes. Three more days, and she'd be on her way home from Berlin. Though he would never begrudge her the career she chose, he sometimes found himself brooding over how much it took her away from him. He especially hated when she had to work away from the house or her office, away from where he knew she was completely safe.

ding.

[text; essie] I'll be home sooner than you know it. love you.

       love you too, ess. stay safe. promise?

Luke set the phone down on his thigh and shut his eyes once again. He had expected her to reply quickly, and when she didn't, slight anxiety tugged at him. He opened his eyes and checked his phone again, but no reply. Exhaling loudly, he locked the screen once again and set the phone down.

Five minutes passed, then ten, fifteen, twenty. Still no reply. Luke picked up the phone in frustration and unlocked the screen, going to type a second message.

       essie. promise me.

Five.

       esselyn maddox this isn't funny. you know I worry. please reply.

Ten.

       ???

Luke growled in frustration and pushed himself up from the couch and walked into the kitchen, finding himself pacing as he absently toyed with his phone. His feet carried him to the bedroom, and he threw his phone on the bed.

ding.

Luke grabbed his phone and unlocked it, frown tugging at the corners of his lips. It was a text from one of the managers at The Crow's Next. Ignoring the message, he stuffed the phone in his pocket.

Fifteen.

Convincing himself that Essie knew better when she was abroad, Luke returned to the den and lay back down on the couch. As exhaustion swept over him, he found his eyes closing slowly until they remained closed.

Caught between the limbo of the waking world and dreaming, Luke heard something like the front door opening. His eyes shot open, and he pushed himself up. What th'hell? Standing up, he moved cautiously toward the entry way.

"Now, how're you gonna keep me out of trouble when you're sleeping?" came a familiar voice. The exhaustion that clinged to his consciousness suddenly vanished, and he studied her in disbelief. She offered him a tired smile, and Luke quickly closed the space between them, pulling her into his arms. She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly.

"What's th' use of that stupid device if you never reply?"

Essie laughed softly. "If I sent you any more texts, I wouldn't have been able to keep it a surprise."

As the city fell into late afternoon, Luke began preparing for another shift at The Crow’s Nest. By now, Essie had been gone for two days, and the house was quiet without her. He fell into his usual routine—the one she’d been trying to break him of over the past few months—between The Crow’s Nest and, well, nothing much else. It was always this way when she had to leave: whenever he was left to his own devices, he had a tendency to regress into his previous habits.

Turning off the shower, he stepped out and toweled off before padding into the bedroom. He opened a drawer at his dresser, in search for a shirt, when his fingers brushed against something unfamiliar—something that shouldn’t be there. Furrowing his brows, he grasped it and pulled it out.

It was a folded up piece of paper.

Luke quickly unfolded it, eyes scanning over the familiar script.

    Don’t forget your jacket tonight.

                xoxo Ess

He smiled faintly and folded up the note once again, placing it on top of the dresser.

Once he was dressed, he went into the kitchen to feed Ankou. The dog trotted happily behind him, tail wagging and tongue hanging out of his mouth. He paced as Luke opened the pantry, finally sitting when the latter reached for his food bowl. Luke filled it up and set it on the tile, closing the pantry door behind him. He paused, opening the pantry door once again.

There was a little sticky note pressed against the inside of the pantry door.

Luke snatched it down and read it, eyebrows raised.

    I know you’ve just fed Ankou—please eat something before you go to the bar tonight, darling. Please.

             xoxo Ess

Shaking his head, Luke closed the pantry door and put the sticky note on the counter. He sighed and opened the fridge, opting for the takeout he’d brought home the previous night. After reheating, he jumped up on the counter and ate quietly, listening as Ankou munched away happily.

After he’d eaten, Luke grabbed his messenger bag and keys by the door. He swung the door of the coat closet open and pulled down his jacket, tossing it over his arm. A flash of yellow caught his eye, and he did a double take.

He smiled and peeled the note off of the door.

    Mo rún, have a good night at the bar. Say hi to Quinn for me.

             xoxo Ess

He grinned, stuffing the note in his jacket pocket, and made his way out of the house.

oOoOo

Several hours later, Luke returned home after a long—and busy—shift at The Crow’s Nest. The sun hadn’t quite risen, but the sky was getting lighter and lighter by the second. The drive back home felt longer than usual as he tried not to think about the empty house awaiting him.

As soon as he parked the car, he pushed himself out of the driver’s seat and onto the driveway. His feet dragged as he walked up the front steps and into the house. As soon as the door was open, he shrugged off his messenger bag and jacket, tossing his keys on the table. Ankou greeted him happily, nudging his hand with his snout. Luke knelt down and scratched beneath the dog’s chin and behind his ears. Ankou licked him in reply, and Luke made a face.

Standing once again, he trudged to the bedroom, exhaustion clinging to his bones. Running a hand through his messy black curls, Luke sighed as he was greeted with the sight of an empty bed. He kicked off his shoes and shed his jeans in favor of sweats. Ankou trotted into the room and settled down on the floor at Essie’s bedside. Luke, though the thought of sleep enticed him, knew that he couldn’t—and wouldn’t—fall asleep. His thoughts would keep him awake, and without Essie there, there wasn’t any point in trying.

With a sigh of resignation, Luke sat down on his side of the bed, back leaned up against the headboard, and plucked a book from he bedside table. Opening it to where he’d last left off, he allowed himself to be lost in the story. If anything, he knew he would at least have some sort of peace until he was too exhausted to keep his eyes open.

After immersing himself within the story two chapters later, he turned the page and paused.

There, in the middle of the page, was a sticky note.

Gently pulling it off of the page, Luke read the note slowly.

    Mo rún, I think two chapters are enough for now, don’t you think? You promised me you’d get some sleep while I’m gone, and I’m holding you to it. You need sleep—even if you are immortal. Be home soon. I love you.

            xoxo Ess

Esselyn blinked once, then twice. Her brows furrowed as she searched for the source of the blaring noise beside her bed.

Alarm.

Reluctant realization bloomed in her sleepy mind, and she reached over to shut off the alarm on her phone. The brightness of the screen made her squint as she checked the time.

4:05 A.M.

Placing her phone face down on the nightstand, Esselyn shifted onto her back and threw her arm over her eyes. Her flight would leave in two hours to carry her off to Berlin for a week, and she already loathed the trip. She had bargained with her boss to leave after the state dinner and press conference, but he insisted she stay a week. She sighed quietly and looked over to her right. Luke laid asleep, sheets pulled up to his waist. One arm was draped over his bare stomach, and the other resting above his head on the pillow.

Essie gripped the sheets and pushed them off of her, careful not to wake Luke. Ankou lifted his large head as he watched her pad into the bathroom. She closed the door behind her with a quiet click and flipped the lights on. She groaned softly with the brightness but continued on as she turned on the shower. Steam quickly filled the bathroom as the water became warmer, and she stepped in. Her hands moved up to hold her head as the hot water washed over her.

The woman took her time getting ready, her reluctance to leave outweighing her paranoia about being late. After finishing her shower, Essie toweled off her hair and stepped back into the bedroom quietly. She smiled when she looked over toward the bed: Luke hadn’t moved since she got up to shower. Picking up her phone, she checked the time once more.

5:05 A.M.

Her feet moved quietly along the carpet as she walked over to the dresser and opened the top drawer slowly, pulling out a pair of panties and slipping them on. She pulled out a bra and put it on, fastening it quickly before going to the closet.

Once she came found a suit, she looked up and found Luke sitting at the foot of the bed. She jumped in surprise.

“I didn’t mean to wake you,” she whispered as she walked over to where he sat.

He waved her off. “You didn’t wake me up. I just can’t sleep anymore.”

Essie sat down on the edge of the bed beside him. Luke rubbed his eyes with the heels of hands and exhaled slowly.

“Did you sleep okay?” she asked quietly.

He paused. “Not really, no.”

“Why not?”

Luke turned his head to look at her. He offered her a weak half smile. “Because you’re leaving.”

Essie felt a pang in her chest, and she leaned her head against his shoulder. He kissed the crown of her head and draped an arm about her waist. His palm rested against her hip, thumb gently stroking her skin.

“I’m going t’ take you t’ th’ airport,” he decided out loud.

“No, mo rún. You should go back to sleep,” Essie argued.

“You don’t have enough time t’ argue. Your flight leaves in an hour, and it’s easier if I take you.”

Essie sighed reluctantly, but said nothing more. Luke smiled and patted her hip gently, kissing her head once more.

“Go on, now. Get ready. I’ll go make some coffee.”

oOoOo

Luke parked the car and turned on the hazards. The entire car ride to the airport was spent in silence, but it was a good silence. As they approached the airport, Luke could sense Essie’s unease. He’d reached across the center console for her hand, which she took gratefully.

“Come on, now. Let’s not make this harder than it needs t’ be,” he said softly as he squeezed her hand. She nodded, and the two stepped out of the car. Luke popped the trunk and pulled her suitcases out, setting them down on the asphalt.

“Got your passport?”

Essie nodded and reached into her pocket, pulling out the small blue book. “I never leave home without it.”

“Good.” He stepped forward and pulled her into his arms, and she buried her face in his chest. “Be good, mo ghrá.”

Essie snorted. “There are no guarantees.”

Luke frowned and pulled back. “Esselyn, I mean it. You’ll be halfway across th’ world with god knows who. Be smart.” He sighed. “I’d rather you cause trouble when you’re here, so I can keep an eye on you.”

Essie nodded once. “I’ll be fine. I’m—“

“—always fine, I know,” he finished for her. She laughed and wrapped her arms around him tightly. He hugged her  back and kissed the top of her head. “Get going. Have a safe flight.”

“I’ll text you when I land.”

“No, call.”

She raised an eyebrow. “You’ll be working.”

He shrugged. “Call anyway.”

“If you say so.” Essie stood on her toes and kissed him sweetly before gathering her suitcases. Luke’s smile faded as he watched her walk away. He turned to leave, opening the driver’s side door, when Essie called out for him.

“Luke!”

He shut the door and rounded the car once again. “What?”

“Take care of yourself, alright? Don’t make me call Quinn to come and make sure you eat and sleep.”

“Esselyn—“

“See you in a week!”

Luke narrowed his eyes. “A week? You said it would only be a few days, Esselyn.”

Essie sat at the bar, numb and dazed. She didn’t know what time it was, but judging by the lack of patrons, it was nearly sunrise. The bartender judged her warily from behind the bottles, but she didn’t care. Couldn’t care.

Immortal, he’d told her.

Impossible, she’d shot back.

But then again, she thought to herself, you’re the only one that’s been the liar in this relationship. He wouldn’t lie to you outright.

Her throat became tight and pain flared in her chest. Fuck, she thought to herself. She threw back the remaining contents of her glass and held onto it as their argument played over and over in her mind.

It hurt her so much. She felt as if she’d been struck across the face. She wanted to fall to her knees; gods only know how she managed to keep composure as she did.

You’re trained to save face, she thought bitterly to herself. You were a liar too.

Essie absently spun the glass in her hand. Gods, she thought brokenly, I still love him.

Her world crumbled about her, yet here she sat, allowing it to happen. Frustration welled up within her and she slammed the glass on the bar. It shattered beneath her hand, glass shards skittering across the marble surface. The bartender turned quickly to face her, shocked. He was speaking to her, but every word that escaped his mouth fell upon deaf ears. She climbed down from bar stool and fished around in her wallet for a twenty dollar bill. He reached past the money for her bleeding hand, but she pulled it out of reach.

“I can handle myself,” she said dully before turning and walking out. The bartender called after her, but she didn’t listen.

You never do, do you?

She hadn’t had the heart to go very far from the apartment. Not with the way she left him. Her feet carried her slowly along the pavement, only a block from home. The sun hadn’t yet risen, but the sky was transitioning from black to grey.

Is it home?

Tears threatened to fall, but Essie refused to cry. Don’t you dare, she reprimanded herself.

It only took her ten minutes to get back, but she spent another twenty sitting outside of the door. She couldn’t work up the courage to go inside: not with the way she’d left things.

He still lied to you. And it wasn’t a tiny white lie, either, Esselyn.

With a shaky breath, she pushed herself up with her good hand and fumbled for her keys. When she’d had a hold of them, she unlocked the front door and pushed it open slowly.

Images of the previous night’s altercation flashed through her mind as she closed the door. She stepped back, wishing she hadn’t come back, but she knew she had to.

You’ll regret it if you don’t.

The lights were still on, and everything looked much the same. Essie walked slowly around the couch to find Luke lying down. For a split second, she panicked—he looked lifeless—but she bit her lip, hard, as she ruefully recalled his immortality.

Unsure of what to do, she sat down on the floor in front of the couch and sighed quietly. Ankou, who had watched her come in, inched closer to her and rested his head in her lap. She reached over with her clean hand and scratched his ears. He looked up at her dolefully, and she weakly smiled. He fell asleep within minutes, and Essie began picking the shards of glass from her bloodied hand.

A sharp inhale from behind her startled her. “Ess? You’re…back?”

“It looks that way, doesn’t it?” she whispered. Any louder and her emotions would have betrayed her.

Luke pushed himself up and slid off the couch to sit next to her. His brows furrowed as he gazed down at her hand.

“Ess, wha’ have you done to yourself?” he asked quietly. When she didn’t reply, he took her hand in his gingerly and picked out the glass. She sat beside him, numb and shivering, focus dwindling by the second.

“It’s not the first time you’ve fixed me,” she said. Luke blinked.

“No, it’s not,” he replied. He stood up and disappeared into the bedroom, returning a few moments later with a damp rag and some bandages. Essie watched as he cleaned her up, smiling despite everything.

“Will it be the last?” she asked quietly. Luke stopped, and his breath hitched.

“I told you that you deserve better.”

A lump formed in her throat. “I don’t want better.”

His dark eyes met hers. “You should want better.”

“Don’t tell me that you believe that,” she replied, swiping away at a stray tear.

“You should know I do. I’ll always want th’ best for you.”

Silence fell between the two as Luke finished wrapping her hand. Essie tentatively reached for him, and he flinched. She closed her eyes and withdrew her hand, but he grasped it, lacing his fingers between hers.

“Why can’t you be what’s best for me?”

“You know why.”

“Bullshit,” she replied sharply. “No one, not you, not anyone, can decide what’s best for me. Only I can do that.”

A tired smile spread across Luke’s face. “Stubborn woman. But th’ fact still remains. I’m not someone you should be spending your days with.”

“You love me just as much as I love you—“

“No, I don’t.”

Essie flinched with the admission. “Luke, please don't tell me you mean that—“

“I do.”

She gritted her teeth. “How can you say that? I dare you to look me in the eye and tell me that you don’t love me. I know you do,” she spoke brokenly. The pain became stronger and she trembled. Was I wrong? Was I wrong to love him?

The front door of the apartment opened, letting the chilly evening air in the warm den. An involuntary shiver ran down Essie’s spine, but she said nothing as she continued working. She had set herself up in the dead center of the den, papers and sticky notes completely surrounding her. Her laptop sat directly in front of her, the brightness starkly contrasting with the light--or lack thereof--in the room. Her blonde, typically neat hair was tossed up into a messy bun, and a few pens and pencils were sticking out of it.

Luke walked into the den and stopped immediately, surveying the disaster. “Ess? What’re you doing?”

“Working,” was her only response as she grabbed a paper and compared it to her laptop screen. Luke’s eyes scanned the den, finding Ankou on the other side sleeping. He set down his messenger bag and keys, cautiously stepping forward. His eyebrows drew together in confusion as he tried to make sense of everything. 

“You do know wha’ time it is, don’t you?” he asked, stuffing his hands into his pockets. Essie slowly began to turn her head to face him, eyes still lingering on the information she was reading.

“Mhmm,” she hummed absently. “It’s 5:30.”

Luke sighed. “Mo ghrá, it’s nearly two in th’ morning.”

“I—what?” she asked, her attention finally taken from her work. “No it’s not.”

He gestured to the darkened windows. “It’s pitch black outside, and there’s hardly a light on in here.”

Essie frowned. She looked around, confused. “It—I could swear it was 5:30,” she replied with a laugh. “Well, this isn’t exactly the first time this has happened to me.”

Luke shook his head. “Did you eat?”

Essie made a face and looked down at her paperwork. “I, uh, no. It seems I lost track of time.”

“Ess,” Luke said in exasperation. “I can’t leave you alone for two seconds or you forget to take care of yourself.” He stepped closer to her and extended his hand to help her up. She took it, uncrossing her legs and pulling herself up. They both stepped carefully around the scattered pages and onto bare carpet.

“Welcome home,” she said with a sweet smile, leaning up to kiss him softly. His arms encircled her waist lazily, and Essie rested her palms on his broad chest. He smiled against her lips. After a moment, he pulled away to look at her in content.

“What am I gonna do with you?”