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hot take- fictive heavy systems can also be traumagenic. we exist, fuckin hell.
^^^ nod, nod. We wouldn't say we're fictive heavy but we do have a lot of fictives and it's frustrating when people act as if being fictive heavy is an endo thing
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for the LONGEST time I had no idea that cores couldn't exist and I thought "Oh I must be the original since I remember early childhood!!" but now that its been explained as a personality never fully formed properly and ended up splitting into different parts it makes a lot of sense
I still feel like an "original" in a sense but I've been the one in front the most I guess which is why I feel this way? And discovered the system in the first place because for years I thought I was alone. Either way I understand now I am not a core or original and I formed with others!!
Anyways uhmmm thank you!!
Yeah, we understand that. Many people feel that way and it isn't bad! Some people are just misinformed and sometimes it can be pretty hard to accept that you aren't the original (I know it was for our host, well before he kind of went off the deep end lol) but we're happy you know better now! And no problem :]
hi! I hope you feel better soon! I'm not a system (pls tell me if this isn't how I should phrase it!), but I just want to tell you that your blog is awesome! Also, if it wouldn't bother you. could you tell me a bit about what it means to be a system and how its like to live as a system? Thank you! If I'm being violating, so sorry, just ignore this ask please! Also, if you want a book with a character with DID (or something like that, I'm not sure, but she's a traumagenic system) , I would suggest reading the Stormlight Archive, there's a character named Shallan who has two alters (Viel and Radiant). It's an incredible book, and portrays mental illness very well (at least from my point of view, there's a depressed character and as someone with depression he was incredibly close to my experience)!!! Theres a lot of g0re, and there's a main character who has a su!c!de attempt. Thank you for taking time to answer this ask if you do!!! Hope you're doing well <3
hi .. thank you so much .. we could try explain what it's like to be a system but its different for everyone so it's probably better if you get some other views too ...
For us being a system means well,, having DID/OSDD (or UDD).. it's complicated... its forgetting things, or knowing a memory is there and struggling to grasp it. seeing someone you both recognise but don't recognise at the same time due to two alters co-fronting. looking in the mirror and not recognising yourself or feeling dysphoric because sure its "you" but its not you. having people bring up things you apparently said or did but not remembering it or not feeling connected to it. getting confused with questions about yourself because your identity is so fragmented its hard to tell what answer is "right" or what answer might stick. not knowing who you are or how you feel. being affected by the emotions of other alters. it's having friends you don't even like but you can't leave them because your headmates need them.
being a system is a lot of things; its struggling but also managing. its both loving and hating your coping mechanism. its your brain trying to help but only making things worse at times.
and thats about all i can say about it. not sure if this helps at all, but eh! also i'm okay, i'm just chilling. i hope you're doing well too!! and i wish you luck with your book
