#*writings

it’s the first time she stepped inside this blighted space we called workplace; a place we didn’t belong to but we still called ours as it served as a protection to most of us, hiding from the society that could hurt and steal away our present and future. you see, life was not all rainbows, it had always been gray to me . . . until her.

she was the colour filling the room.

i felt my heart skip and set in a steady yet quick rhythm of beats as i heard my name being proclaimed by her lips.

i remained unmoving behind the sowing machine, which became my reliance, my protection, my whole life depending on it, with the counterfeit bags we created. or so i thought.

my roommates who also worked the bags alongside me all pointed their fingers at me.

the beautiful woman searched the room looking for me. i held my breath. the tapping of her heels replaced the quietness of the room as she strode her way to where i am seated.

“mi-jeong,” she said in her sultry voice, but i felt my throat going dry instead.

i couldn’t find my voice so i just stared and nodded.

she introduced herself. “sarah kim.” she’s a woman who didn’t beat around the bush. straight to the point. she told me what she needed from me; the skills my labored hands have. she asked some things about what i do. asked for my expertise. she took me out to shop for materials and continued asking me things, and i taught her. i felt that i finally had some value. like a diamond in a rotten world. she’s learning from me.

maybe that’s when it all started.

i made her her first ever bag. she loved it, adored it, even if she wouldn’t express it out loud, it reflected from her eyes. still, she praised me and it did something inside me, i couldn’t get enough of it. i wanted more. then she went to give me things. things that i never knew i always wanted if i hadn’t known her. but i guess this all came with a price. i worked for her to make her luxury bags, helped her shop for the finest materials. and in return, she bestowed me things. i didn’t mind. as long as i could be with her.

one night i laid down on my strewn bed staring at the ceiling wearing one of the shirts she gave me. i clutched my fingers around the shirt, it made me feel like i am holding her. i wanted her. sometimes i wanted to be her.

my days consumed with thoughts of her, everyday i sought her. then one day she did something unexpected, i never thought possible, she gave me her card, entrusted me her information. asked me to attend some errands for her, rather, as her. she wanted me to pretend as sarah kim. at first i was scared, yet i felt so thrilled.

“open your lips a bit,” sarah kim told me, lipstick in her hand.

i parted my lips, and as she brushed the weird material on it, i wished it was her mouth instead. i shut my eyes to cut the absurd thought.

“what?” she asked, laughing.

“it felt weird,” i half lied, half smiled.

“you’ll get used to it,” she said.

and she was right. she’s never been wrong about things. i listened to her, learned from her and vice versa. our knowledges swapping. it’s as if we’re becoming one. and i’m starting to see myself in her slowly. i looked in the mirror, hair styled as hers, makeup she used painted on my face, clothes she wore hugging my body, and i thought she was me and i am she. i started going out without her knowing making sure i came back before she went to come visit, i memorized her schedules, i used her money to buy myself things. i thought i deserved it. she had all these money, acquiring all these beautiful items because of the bag i made. besides she needed me and i needed her. we’re practically one.

“mi-jeong,” she whispered as we lay on her bed. she invited me in her place. “i have a new idea about this bag but i’m not so sure, because there are some problems . . . i don’t really know, and you’re the only person to help me,” she placed a hand on my hair and i took it, surprising her a bit. she looked at me and i know what i’m gonna do was dangerous. i gazed at her, not pulling my eyes away as i pushed the strands of her hair behind her ear.

“i have an idea too,” i said. and it’s as if my mind went blank yet i knew what i was about to do. i leaned in, our breaths controlled, and very slowly collided my lips to hers. i stopped in the middle waiting for her to push me away. she didn’t.

“mi-jeong,” she mumbled.

“tell me to stop. and i will.”

she stared at me for three seconds, thinking. she considered it for three seconds before she grabbed my face and pulled me in, taking my lips to hers. she was everything to me. that’s all i knew that night. and i didn’t know for how long we kissed.

but she was also the first one to break.

“good night, mi-jeong,” she simply said, turned her back on me and went to sleep.

the warmth of her mouth against mine was replaced with the same coldness in just a second. and i didn’t know what happened.

i tried to talk to her about it but she wouldn’t let me. she began avoiding me. i could feel she was avoiding me even though she still came by to check and asked for the bags i made. and it lasted for five days. then one day she said, “let’s not make this weird, mi-jeong.”

her words cutting through my chest. emotions began to rose and before it reached my eyes, i spun around and rushed to my room buried my face in the pillow she also gave me. i hate it! but i couldn’t hate her. i looked around in my bloodshed teary eyes and my place was filled with her things. yes, it’s hers. before i knew it my world was filled with hers, and it wasn’t just in a tangible way. even my identity was hers, and so much more. even my heart. the only thing that i could call my own was this old watch my late mom gave me. and even her face i couldn’t remember. i only recognized sarah kim.

i gave myself one night. yes, one night to cry about her. i couldn’t just let her ruin this thing we had. what’s hers was mine. even if i had to get rid of her, i wouldn’t let these be taken away from me. i’m tired of living in the slums. to be a nobody, to be nothing. i am now somebody. people looked at me as if i’m valuable, an asset. i just had to say the name “sarah kim.” and people saw me. finally. they believed i am her . . . because i am her.

Nayeon was seated at the chairs outside the corridor,  waiting for their professor to arrive for her next class, watching other students passing by when Sana Minatozaki appeared from the corner, making her way towards the bench she was sitting at and sat down beside her. 

They weren’t classmates in any of her classes. Sana was just popular in their department because of her looks and personality. 

Nayeon didn’t bother looking at her and just continued to watch other students. But she could smell Sana’s fainted perfume that lingered in the air. It wasn’t strong which could hurt your nose. It was attractive and pleasant.

“What time is it?” Nayeon heard Sana asked. It’s not a surprise Sana would talk to her. They were somehow introduced at a sorority party they attended. And without sparing a glance at Sana, Nayeon looked at her watch. 

It was five minutes before ten.

“It’s nine fifty-five,” Nayeon answered, finally whisking a glance at the woman beside her. 

Much to her surprise, the latter was dangerously close to her. She didn’t have much time to process everything when Sana leaned closer and the next thing she felt was Sana’s lips on hers. 

Nayeon didn’t know how to push Sana away. It was like her mind stopped functioning then.

She even found herself closing her eyes, answering, when Sana touched her face, moving her lips in sync with hers, deepening their kiss.

Sana had soft lips. Kissing her felt... nice. 

She wasn’t sure how long they had been kissing but after a short while, Sana broke away with a smile on her face, leaving her hanging and confused. 

Nayeon felt her cheeks heat up when she saw almost all of her classmates looking at her with amused, intrigued look on their faces. 

Some where even softly howling. They were clearly teasing her.

She then excused herself to the bathroom, feeling somewhat embarrassed.

* * *

Since the incident, Nayeon found herself looking for Sana. Whether she liked it or not. 

It’s like her whole system had a mind of it’s own that she had no control over. And no matter how she had been trying not to think about it, It’s just hard to erase their kiss in her mind.   

If she was going to be honest... she wanted more.

However,  every time she spotted Sana on the campus, the girl was always surrounded by people. The worse was, the object of her affection never glanced her way.

Nayeon frowned.

What was Sana thinking by kissing her and leaving her just like that?

The audacity!

She scoffed. It’s time to stop chasing her. She wasn’t a desperate loser.  

She’s Im Nayeon! She’s not the type to chase around people. People chase after her, not the other way around. 

But just when Nayeon was about to give up, Sana happened to pass along the same single corridor she’s about to pass through.

She held herself together thinking it’s normal to pass by people in this narrow and crowded corridor.

But she couldn’t control the racing of her heart along with her mind in every step she took closer to Sana who was busy talking and laughing with her friends. She wondered if Sana had forgotten about what she did to her. She should apologize. So, she waited for Sana to look at her.

Frustration started to well up into Nayeon when their distance became shorter (only five steps away) and Sana still hadn’t spared at least a single glance at her.

‘To hell with it!’ Nayeon thought and decided to look away and just let it go when Sana, in that split second, finally met her eyes.

Her breath hitched, thinking what she should do next. But she didn’t look away and held Sana’s gaze instead. 

It’s now or never.

In an instant, her hand reached for Sana’s cheek, directing her face towards her and kissed her on the lips, surprising the latter, but Nayeon could only care less.

At least, now, they were even.

She prepared herself to be pushed away, just in case. Her eyes stayed tightly shut as she waited.  

But instead, Sana kissed her back. Relief washed over Nayeon, kissing her more. She could hear cheers around them but it’s the least of her concern. She just missed those lips.

Not long after, however, Sana broke away, just like the last time. 

She thought she was going to leave again when Sana whispered, “Meet me later.”

x x x

Thought of posting some of my writings that I’m not confident to post on ao3 here on Tumblr.^^