#*ramblings

V's Yapfest That No One Asked For: Anniversary Addition

Damn, one whole year! This story completely changed my life, and that's not an exaggeration. For me, finding Dead Boy Detectives is one of those events that act as a milestone marker; there's my life in B.D.B.D. (before Dead Boy Detectives) times, and A.D.B.D. (after Dead Boy Detectives) times (lol) and when I really sit down to write something like this, I get super emotional about it. I had absolutely NO CLUE what I was signing up for when I sat down to stream this show at the beginning of May, and I say this affectionately and with the biggest, fullest heart.

I found DBDA by complete accident, just from a mutual on Tumblr reblogging a piece of fanart where OP was asking people to watch the show. Then someone recreated the comic-inspired poster as a Sims 4 render, and I was like "Okay, I'm seeing this enough places, maybe I should check it out."

Good call on my part, as it turns out!

Anyway, a bit of a personal admission: growing up I felt so much guilt for existing, for taking up space and having my own feelings, and I was constantly burying those feelings to "Keep spirits up," to be the "Strong one," the protector of my friends, family, and really anyone else.

I was taken advantage of at times, and certainly made to feel unsafe more times than I can count, but I always thought that was what love was. If I was unhappy, but everyone else was happy, that felt like a fair enough exchange, and so I just...let the sadness move in, make a little home in my chest. Some days it's dormant, but other days it spreads, kicks, and takes up so much space that it feels like I can't breathe. For years and years of my life, I actually thought this was normal and natural, and just something everyone went through. I thought maybe I had to carry the sadness, stifle it to prove...something? To someone? To myself? To be good enough? I never could put a finger on it. Maybe it was the only way I could cope because I didn’t KNOW something was wrong. I just wanted to escape an underlying and indiscernible shame.

And it sounds silly in a way, that it took me watching a TV series at my “Big adult age” to have some grand self-discovery, but that's what sort of happened! I quite literally had to step away during episode 3, and then again during episode 4. I went on and on to my therapist about these characters, but couldn't get over the overwhelming sense of grief I felt around Charles' story in particular. After a few gentle sessions, and using the character's traumas as a bit of a crutch that helped me navigate my own trauma somehow (?! like damn, that's powerful writing!!) my perspective was completely flipped. I had learned so much about myself, and admitted, a little bit to myself, why Charles' story resonated with me so deeply.

In that first admission came a sense of understanding and acceptance of the circumstances outside of my control. Nothing was fixed overnight, but I suddenly had some kind of answers, some level of understanding, and that starting point is EVERYTHING when you’re trying to cope and you’ve got no starting point at all. It was terrifying and freeing all at the same time; suddenly there was this character whose struggles jumped off the screen in a very real, relatable way and I just...didn't know what to do with that. But I felt seen, for maybe the first time, and more than feeling seen, I also felt understood.

So sure, maybe it's silly, but it also kind of makes sense because good art is supposed to move people, yeah? And I think we're just not used to that anymore. What I mean is that I binge-watch shows without a second thought all the time, and if they get canceled it's like, "Meh, whatever, that sucks but onto the next one" because a lot of content lately has been reboots, remakes, reimaginings, or straight-up mind-numbing shows that are meant to be background noise, halfway watched, not reinventing the wheel. Dead Boy Detectives was so far from that in every way, it was a complete shock to my system. I was delighted, I was floored, and completely gobsmacked. I watched it all in one night and then I went on to watch it hundreds of times more. I still find myself moved by scenes I've seen more times than I can count.

I fell in love with all of it; the world that felt so vast and yet so meticulously crafted, the gripping characters that were complex and nuanced, the visuals that took my breath away, the dialogue that made me laugh, the dialogue that made me cry, the music that was unique and exciting, and then the cast and crew...god the talent, the dedication, the joy and pride that poured from them as they talked about the show and played their characters on screen...

I was, and still am, completely enamored. I don't think there will be a piece of media that ever consumes me in this way again (and, if I have a choice in the matter, I wouldn't want one to).

I know there's more I could say; but for now, I'm going to end it with this: representation is important. Challenging stories that take risks and have characters with real flaws, and real pain, are important. What I would have given to have seen a character like Charles Rowland on my screen at 16! Dead Boy Detectives is one of the most realistic but compassionate and heartfelt pieces of LGBTQ+ media to date. It doesn't talk down to us about our own experience, it doesn't use our existence to teach straight people how to be kind, it tells an array of queer stories and shows a spectrum of personalities — all unique and complex, just like REAL queer people are. Our experiences are not all 1:1, it's not all sunshine and it's not all suffering. Dead Boy Detectives is authentic, and that was, and still is, refreshing as fuck.

I love this story, and it comes with a pretty awesome, talented fandom as a bonus. I've met some of the coolest, most caring, and generous individuals here, and I cherish that, too.

So, Happy 1st Anniversary to the best show I know. I'm only a little sorry to report that I'm not going anywhere and that aside from being incredibly stubborn, I'm also ridiculously sappy...and I think stories like this, in a world that lacks a LOT of kindness and empathy right now, are sorely needed. I think shows with this kind of representation are important, and that those involved deserve to finish what they started.

Until the red earth rolls, baby. Let's bring our agency home.

With love, V (atfsims1)