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big tuna!

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I've spent almost my entire weekend in bed feeling empty and sad, and that's how most of my weeknights have been recently too. I'm so fucked, and I'm in such a bad place that I have been desperately clinging on to the few good things I have in my life to keep me going, and in the last 12 hours or so I've gone and absolutely fucked up the best of it all just because I wanted some stupid reassurance.
I should've just kept my mouth shut. I'm the worst, I don't know why I try to find reasons to believe that I'm not. Idk why I pushed for validation that I knew I wasn't going to get because I know I'm not cute enough/hot enough/sexy enough. Idk why he seems worried about hurting me when I hurt myself and everyone around me that I care about just fine without even trying. If anything it would make a lot more sense for him to be repulsed by me for fear of me hurting him, not the other way around.
Remembering that time on twitter where people just decided to call tubbo, like the actual real streamer tubbo not dsmp minecraft oc tubbo, a girl and use she/her pronouns for him and then when he said “hey don’t do that” they had the audacity to go “I didn’t know it was against his boundaries”
Like girl.
You didn’t know. That misgendering someone. Was a shitty thing to do.
Please be serious
OK one last post then I should get some sleep seeing as I don't get home until around midnight tomorrow and it's the last day of NYCC.