#*my memes

Feel free to edit / change pronouns as needed!

“One question. Where am I? Who are you? And what’s going on?”

“Promise me. Say, ‘I promise I will never betray you for any reason.’”

“There’s been a big mistake. I’m not supposed to be here.”

“Come on, I’m just asking you to fudge a little bit. You must’ve told a few white lies in your life.”

“I might not have been a saint, but it’s not like I killed anybody!”

“Did you fill your bra with shrimp?”

“This is a mess, morally speaking. This is a putrid, disgusting bowl of ethical soup.”

“I’ve narrowed it down to two possibilities: yes and no.”

“Well, no worries. Just hit me up when you’re done weighing my life in your hands.”

“I felt bad about what I did. It was a weird feeling. Not used to it. Didn’t love it.”

“I have what doctors call ‘directional insanity.’ I once got lost on an escalator.”

“You never even named your dog, did you? When it ran away, you posted signs saying, ‘responds to long pauses.’”

“In order to be a good person, you have to do good things. And not stealing people’s stuff, that is just a basic kindergarten rule. I mean, do I also have to tell you to not throw sand?”

“You don’t know what it’s like to be in paradise and feel like there’s something just not quite right.”

“You deserve to be happy, because you are an impressive, thoughtful, and special person. Not to mention, you have a rockin bod.”

“There’s so much thoughts in my brain, it’s like my head is filled with rocks.”

“You should listen to me. I came up with hundreds of plans in my life, and only one of them got me killed.”

“I am revved up to learn, man. My brain is horny!”

“This is the reaction I have when things are incredibly mundane and expected. I’m gonna leave now at my regular pace, as I do in most scenarios.”

“I am not going to have sex with someone to get them to stop talking to me!”

“My whole life, I have lived in your shadow, but now I’m going to step out of it.”

“She’s so pretty, like Nala from The Lion King. And she talks so smart like, um, Nala from the Lion King.”

“There’s something so human about taking something great and ruining it a little so you can have more of it.”

“Killing is one of the most famous moral no-no’s.”

“What’s happening, buddy? You have a crazy look in your eye, and you’re retreating into your shirt. You’re kind of turtling.”

“I need to step outside. For some air. And I will not be back. For many days.”

“I once watched him eat electrical tape right off the roll. He thought it was a Fruit by the Foot that had gone bad.”

“I wasn’t failed. I was pre-successful.”

“We love each other. She makes the bass drop in my heart.”

“We thought of everything except for an alibi and an escape route, but we’ll figure it out as we go. You don’t wanna over-think these things.”

“I refuse to discuss my fifth amendment rights until I concur with your attorney.”

“Sorry about before. One of the perks of living alone is that I get to just walk around naked.”

“Yeah, there’s no time for that morality nonsense, sweetheart. This is about survival. You gotta look out for number one.”

“I was dropped into a cave, and you were my flashlight.”

anthony: DO YOU THINK IF WE DANCE CHEST TO CHEST IT’LL HIDE MY VERY OBVIOUS DESIRE FOR YOU

anthony, five seconds later: oh thank goodness. here she is.

kate: anthony, please get your hand off of my stomach