#*mods

everything you need for isabela to appear as she does in the above screenshots can be downloaded here

for merrill, there are a couple of other mods you'll have to download if you want her to appear as she does above, although only one is absolutely required: hd merrill - armour only (otherwise her hands will still appear pale white). her hair, merrill concept art hair is optional, for those who prefer her vanilla hair. my mod can be downloaded here

(shoutout to ellise & @dalishious for the original textures i edited and to honeywhite for the inspiration to add isabela's romance outfit corset to her default outfit)

The second takeaway, which tinges every one of these interactions with a bitter aftertaste, is that when I really needed this energy is when I was struggling with undiagnosed gastroparesis in college. People who have been around for 5+ years will remember me posting about the nausea so severe it was keeping me up at night and preventing me from eating, plus the secondary symptoms of weight loss and brain fog and hair loss and headaches and dizziness etc etc etc. It was so fucking miserable, but it was invisible, so to even get some academic wiggle room I had to explain how I was really sick but didn’t know why to professors who didn’t think I looked sick at all.

And like, I get that’s the whole thing with invisible illnesses. They’re invisible. And the people who did know were so supportive too--my college roommates who were always happy to listen to me talk about it, my parents who sent me stuff to keep me more comfortable, the professors who did understand and were absolute saints--but most people I interacted with were none the wiser, had all the same expectations for me. Complimented me on the weight loss even! All the time! I thought I was fucking dying!

"Bugger! And I didn't make any time for pillow talk."