#*forgotten

Those were the exact words out of his mouth, and you’re pretty sure they’ll haunt you for the rest of your life. But, you had to move on. Your life couldn’t come to a complete halt because of one heartbreak. Even if it made it hard for you to get up in the morning. So you sucked it up, you put on your big girl pants and went to that dinner with your chin held high. When in actuality you really wish you’d stayed home.

You weren’t even two steps in the door when you were bombarded with questions. How’s work? How’s school going? Did you get that promotion? Is that a tattoo? The list went on and on and on. Obviously they didn’t ask questions about him, that would be too brash, but the way they were pointedly asking about everything else made it painfully clear. They all wanted to ask, just didn’t have the balls to. Somehow that was worse.

So you answered their questions with a smile, told them what they wanted to hear, you built that wall up three months ago and you’d be damned if you let them break through. Once they exhausted their false interest in your personal life, you headed over to the bar to grab yourself a much needed drink. Braving the rest of the evening was far less daunting with a bit of liquid courage coursing through you.

As it got closer to a socially acceptable time where you could make your escape, you thought you were in the clear. Even your nosey mother didn’t go prying into what happened with him, something you deeply appreciated. For all intents and purposes, you were off the hook. Of course, you’ve never been that lucky, that would’ve been far too easy.

“Aunty?” You heard a very familiar voice call up to you.

“Hani!” You exclaimed when you looked down to see your most favorite niece in the whole world. “Where have you been hiding?”

She stuck her thumb in her mouth and pointed at her brothers. “I was playing with Daesun and Daeyong. They got new dinosaurs.”

“Whoa!” You said enthusiastically. “New dinosaurs! That’s amazing! I wish I had new dinosaurs.”

“Mm.” She hummed, her wide eyes looking up at you expectantly. “Where’s Jeonghan?”

Gone.

Not even meaning to, you suddenly remembered him packing his bags, you remembered begging him to stay. You desperately wanted to talk, to figure it all out, but he made it clear that he only wanted to leave. He didn’t love you anymore. Forcing him to keep dating someone he wasn’t interested in was torture.

“Jeonghan,” You said, choking on each syllable, “please, please, don’t do this. Let’s sit down, let’s talk about this—”

“Why?” He practically spat. “It’s over, nothing you say is going to change that.”

His cold tone stopped you in your tracks. “Why—why are you acting like this? Like—like you don’t care...”

“Maybe I don’t.” He returned vehemently. “Ever think of that?”

One thing you were grateful of, was that his words didn’t leave any room to question. You’ve broken up with a handful of other guys, but you always cushioned the blow, broke their hearts instead of shattering them. Maybe Jeonghan learned from your mistakes, because you didn’t doubt him at all. It was over in an instant. It was over and you were painfully alone.

You plastered a forced smile on your face as you kneeled down beside her. “He’s not living with me anymore, I’m sorry Hani.”

“Why not?” Hani asked innocently.

Please don’t. “We’re not together anymore.”

“But you love him.” She persisted, her words cutting deep.

“Why are you acting like this? Like you don’t care?”

“Maybe I don’t. Ever think of that?”

Fighting back tears, you nodded. “That’s right. I do.”

She cocked her head in confusion. “Then why?”

Feeling your resolve break, you offered her a sad smile as you stroked her hair. “Because, love isn’t always enough.”

Before you had an emotional breakdown in front of the entire family, you ran into the bathroom and locked the door behind you. For months you’d been telling myself that you were fine, that if he didn’t want to be with you anymore then you would let him go. You’d let him be happy. He didn’t love you and that was okay. You were okay. Those were lies, all lies, and as you dropped to the floor, your body shaking, you sobbed harder than you ever had before.

Why? You asked yourself for the hundredth time. Why did he leave? We were happy, we were going to start a life together. He told me that he loved me, was it—was it all a lie?

Wrapping your arms around your knees, you tried your hardest to bury yourself in your regret. You thought you were okay. I was okay. As your vision started to get blurry, you could only think of all the times you were happy together. You were happy for three years, you were perfect for three years.

Wiping at your persistent tears, you pulled out your phone. Opening Instagram, you immediately let out a quiet laugh. You hadn’t changed your profile picture yet, you couldn’t bring yourself to. It was a picture of the gigantic Kumamon plushie he won for you at the fair standing upright beside you, making you look comically small in comparison.

Hesitantly, you scrolled through your account, a sad smile creasing your face as you remembered the memories behind the pictures. The two of you were happy, that much was clear. The three years you spent together wasn’t a lie. His brilliant smile was the brightest part of your life. You had laughed together about everything, shared a love of music, a desire to create a life together, it was hard to think that it was all over in one evening. How he said only a few words to you and left forever.

I miss him. You finally admitted to yourself. I miss him so much.

Tears still rolling down your cheeks, you couldn’t help but smile. Even though he left, even though you weren’t sure if you’d ever see him again, you still had a piece of him that he left with you. And it wasn’t on your phone. It wasn’t the pictures, it wasn’t the posts on facebook or the late night talks on Kakao, it was the memories. Because, no matter how often you tried to convince yourself otherwise, you were in love, and you were happy. And that would never leave you.

Would you like to delete your account?

You hesitated only slightly, your finger hovering over your phone. With one last look at the physical proof of your happiness with Jeonghan and your life together, you made your decision.