#*fenris

[12/29/14, 4:00:53 AM] casimir reed-stark: did u read the dear avery thing [12/29/14, 4:00:58 AM] casimir reed-stark: i forget if i made you read that [12/29/14, 4:02:28 AM] winters: i cant rmr the titles tbh [12/29/14, 4:02:36 AM] winters: you linked me 2 fics so [12/29/14, 4:02:48 AM] casimir reed-stark: no that was. that was a zevstel post i made [12/29/14, 4:03:02 AM] casimir reed-stark: that i made bc i was listening to dear avery too much and it mademe think of a thing bc its [12/29/14, 4:03:10 AM] casimir reed-stark: haha [12/29/14, 4:03:12 AM] winters: oh SNAP [12/29/14, 4:03:14 AM] winters: no i didnt [12/29/14, 4:03:21 AM] casimir reed-stark: oh boy [12/29/14, 4:03:28 AM] winters: g od FUCKIGN DANG IT [12/29/14, 4:03:41 AM] winters: stop getting on the goddamn pain train casimir [12/29/14, 4:03:48 AM] casimir reed-stark: http://pimpmyaravel.tumblr.com/post/106004866340/i-love-to-die [12/29/14, 4:03:59 AM] winters: i love to die [12/29/14, 4:04:07 AM] winters: im going to die [12/29/14, 4:04:09 AM] casimir reed-stark: http://cloudbank.co.vu/post/105987071404/dear-avery-the-decemberists [12/29/14, 4:04:15 AM] casimir reed-stark: accompanying listening [12/29/14, 4:10:40 AM] winters: iM CRYING F UCK OFF WITH UR ZEVESTEL [12/29/14, 4:10:51 AM] winters: rmr how we were talking abt happy zevestel things earlier [12/29/14, 4:10:58 AM] winters: and then u decided 2 bring the pain back [12/29/14, 4:11:02 AM] winters: t HANKS [12/29/14, 4:11:08 AM] casimir reed-stark: hey man this is bittersweet at least [12/29/14, 4:11:17 AM] casimir reed-stark: THEY GET TO SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN ITS NOT ALL BAD [12/29/14, 4:11:24 AM] casimir reed-stark: i mean they are still dead. they are still very much dead [12/29/14, 4:11:49 AM] casimir reed-stark: but i mean how many ppl can say they got to fuck their dead lover in the fade man. zevran that’s how many [12/29/14, 4:12:13 AM] winters: ofc it's zevran [12/29/14, 4:12:38 AM] winters: i'm just. im glad but im in a lot of heartache about it [12/29/14, 4:14:14 AM] casimir reed-stark: after zev and isabela die (many many years later)….. estel is there to greet them and zev is like. shifts uncomfortably not sure what he’s suppsoed to do and bela’s like oh just go to them you idiot come on we’re not getting any younger [12/29/14, 4:14:55 AM] casimir reed-stark: zevran and isabela live a long time together but something still says to me that when they die they die together in one really impressive blaze of glory [12/29/14, 4:15:37 AM] winters: i can imagine that so easily. one last time, my dear isabela? of course. [12/29/14, 4:15:51 AM] casimir reed-stark: neither of them wants to get old [12/29/14, 4:15:58 AM] casimir reed-stark: they do anyway but there’s a point at which it’s like [12/29/14, 4:16:10 AM] casimir reed-stark: we all have callings of our own [12/29/14, 4:16:17 AM] casimir reed-stark: it’s time. [12/29/14, 4:17:06 AM] casimir reed-stark: we’ve had a damned good long life. too long. let’s go. hand in hand they probably like [12/29/14, 4:17:13 AM] winters: im sure they have heists that they always wanted to pull but the posibility of drying was too high. theres always that one quest theyve always wanted to do i imagine........ [12/29/14, 4:17:59 AM] casimir reed-stark: steal a mountain of gaatlok and use it to blow up some tevinter slaver building. they find ways to get all the slaves out and just. blow up the slavers and their riches with them [12/29/14, 4:18:29 AM] winters: oh. yeah [12/29/14, 4:18:57 AM] casimir reed-stark: but it’s impossible to do it and trigger it without being close enough that the blast will hit whoever does it so while they aren’t like. inside. it’s the concussive force of the explosion that knocks them back and they’re gone before it hurts [12/29/14, 4:19:23 AM] winters: they planned it well. i just, yeah [12/29/14, 4:19:31 AM] winters: the only way i could imagine them going [12/29/14, 4:20:17 AM] casimir reed-stark: they got fenris to help of course. he understood what they were doing and it was his life’s work really and he wouldn’t give them the information they needed to do it unless they promised he could go with them [12/29/14, 4:20:29 AM] casimir reed-stark: someone to bring their bodies back. he wouldn’t let them just disappear [12/29/14, 4:21:42 AM] winters: oh no [12/29/14, 4:22:53 AM] casimir reed-stark: merrill is furious at first that they didn’t say goodbye and tell her but fenris is like come on be serious would you have let them go in peace [12/29/14, 4:23:16 AM] casimir reed-stark: and she’s like i don’t know honestly [12/29/14, 4:23:24 AM] casimir reed-stark: i might have. [12/29/14, 4:24:15 AM] winters: they become the closest of friends. fenris becomes more tolerant as he grows older, less quick to anger, realises past mistakes. but isabela is still the only one he lets call him on a lot of things, or call him names. i always imagined that, no matter what, bela and fenris became close [12/29/14, 4:24:29 AM] casimir reed-stark: yeah [12/29/14, 4:25:10 AM] casimir reed-stark: at least in estelverse it’s 100% canon that all of the da2 LIs have stuff w each other at some point p much [12/29/14, 4:25:24 AM] winters: yeah [12/29/14, 4:25:27 AM] casimir reed-stark: merrill only has stuff w hawke and isabela [12/29/14, 4:25:30 AM] casimir reed-stark: but [12/29/14, 4:25:40 AM] casimir reed-stark: fenris and isabela have a thing and so do isabela and anders at one point and then like [12/29/14, 4:25:55 AM] casimir reed-stark: im total garbage about fenris and anders winding up being like [12/29/14, 4:26:09 AM] casimir reed-stark: gradually becoming friends and then actually just caring about each other [12/29/14, 4:26:26 AM] casimir reed-stark: i cant stand fenris/anders when its like. wow they hate each other and they make out lol [12/29/14, 4:26:57 AM] casimir reed-stark: i want fenris/anders where theyre both alone and angry and hurting and they reconcile their differences and come to see that they’re soft in all the same places??? [12/29/14, 4:27:12 AM] casimir reed-stark: and that their hardness doesnt have to be pitted against each other either [12/29/14, 4:27:28 AM] casimir reed-stark: they come to an understanding and then there’s just the general sense of fondness you develop when you know someone that long and they save your skin so many times [12/29/14, 4:28:02 AM] winters: honestly yeah. i just. yeah lmao wow that's such an important thing to me [12/29/14, 4:28:05 AM] casimir reed-stark: no one’s ever quite sure whether they’re “together” ever but [12/29/14, 4:29:11 AM] casimir reed-stark: when anders gets his calling… fenris goes to the deep roads with him. not all the way down. anders won’t let him not make it back [12/29/14, 4:30:11 AM] winters: you cant do this to me. youre not allowed to fuck me up with anders and fenris today as well [12/29/14, 4:30:12 AM] casimir reed-stark: but they go together and they fight together and when the hurt in his head overwhelms him and a darkspawn cuts him down finally, fenris snaps and kills every last one in the vicinity so he can hold anders while he dies [12/29/14, 4:30:48 AM] winters: nO [12/29/14, 4:30:58 AM] winters: i want a divorce [12/29/14, 4:31:21 AM] casimir reed-stark: and he’s grown just good enough at this by now to bite back how badly he wants to beg him not to go after all. this is why they came here and they both knew it but don’t leave me alone not when i only just realized i wasn’t while you were here [12/29/14, 4:31:34 AM] casimir reed-stark: and anders just. [12/29/14, 4:33:56 AM] casimir reed-stark: “i’m glad you came. glad you stayed. i’m sorry. sorry i have to leave you alone again. i know you’re thinking it, it’s alright. thank you. you have been a most unlikely friend. and a more unlikely lover. and i am happy. to have my last moment be here with you and not alone with the dark.” [12/29/14, 4:34:19 AM] casimir reed-stark: “don’t get yourself killed on the way back without me to protect you, alright" [12/29/14, 4:34:51 AM] casimir reed-stark: fenris just growls out like. “as if i need you to protect me, mage. what am i going to do without you” [12/29/14, 4:35:06 AM] casimir reed-stark: “keep fighting” [12/29/14, 4:35:16 AM] winters: why are you doing t his to me im crying so much [12/29/14, 4:36:51 AM] casimir reed-stark: “i’m sorry i can’t fight with you anymore. it’s so cold. hate the blighted deep roads” fenris just holds him a little closer. he’s got one arm wrapped around him, the other pressed to the wound on anders’ side [12/29/14, 4:37:00 AM] casimir reed-stark: trying to keep him warm [12/29/14, 4:37:06 AM] casimir reed-stark: it doesn’t work [12/29/14, 4:42:06 AM] winters: are you quite done [12/29/14, 4:42:12 AM] winters: tearing my heart out [12/29/14, 4:43:19 AM] casimir reed-stark: anders hand just suddenly tightens on fenris’s arm and there’s blood at the corners of anders mouth and he smiles and coughs and looks right in fenris’s eyes and tries to say something and fenris is just like “stop, i know, you don’t have to hurt yourself to say it” “don’t… you’ll always wonder… what it might sound like… if i don’t… say it… it’s alright… don’t know how it happened… glad you’re here… glad to meet death in the arms of a man i love…” and fenris stutters and he’s terrified and anders is having trouble keeping his eyes open and fenris feels his eyes stinging and he’s so angry but he makes his words gentle “and better to know that man loves you as well, i hope. know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten. sleep well, my friend.” [12/29/14, 4:44:45 AM] winters: well i stopped crying and now im crying again i hope ur pleased. im glad they had each other though, that they loved each other in the end and that fenris could be there [12/29/14, 4:44:55 AM] winters: im so messed up [12/29/14, 4:45:02 AM] casimir reed-stark: anders eyes flutter, half open, and then closed. his hand slowly loosens its grip on fenris’s arm and all the tension of the years finally releases. and he’s gone. [12/29/14, 4:46:36 AM] casimir reed-stark: and fenris does what hasn’t been done in maker knows how long - he brings back the body of a lost warden. he can’t bury him back in any of the places they called home, but he can take him out of the deep roads at least. anders hated the deep roads. [12/29/14, 4:46:48 AM] casimir reed-stark: there’s a forest outside the entrance, so fenris buries him there [12/29/14, 4:47:22 AM] casimir reed-stark: he digs the grave with his sword and his hands and before he goes he plants a tree on top of it. merrill would have liked that. [12/29/14, 4:48:11 AM] winters: she would [12/29/14, 4:48:46 AM] casimir reed-stark: he takes anders staff back with him, and starts the long road home, to where hawke is [12/29/14, 4:50:00 AM] casimir reed-stark: hawke asks him how far he went with him and fenris just says “all the way down” [12/29/14, 4:50:30 AM] winters: oh [12/29/14, 4:50:36 AM] casimir reed-stark: varric’s like “what’s that mean” and fenris snaps back “it means all the way. to the end. what more do you want me to say" [12/29/14, 4:53:24 AM] casimir reed-stark: he sighs and is just like “isabela please just make the joke alright i can see it’s in there and you’re trying to not because the man i loved just died but. i mean . oh maker whatever i don’t care i’m going to bed it’s been a long journey home and i dont want to deal with being awake bye" [12/29/14, 4:53:34 AM] casimir reed-stark: he just walks out and theyre all like [12/29/14, 4:53:38 AM] casimir reed-stark: well i dont know what to say about any of this [12/29/14, 4:53:49 AM] casimir reed-stark: i dont know how to deal with anders actually being dead let alone THAT [12/29/14, 4:54:17 AM] casimir reed-stark: isabela spnds a minute whisper-arguing with zev before the agree to go see if they can help fenris out [12/29/14, 4:54:33 AM] casimir reed-stark: he angrily kicks them out and insists he wants to be alone [12/29/14, 4:55:28 AM] casimir reed-stark: merrill comes in a bit later and talks with him a bit. he tells her about the tree he planted. and that he meant to from the start. he brought the seeds with him. pure ironbark. nothing less for a hero of that much strength [12/29/14, 4:56:31 AM] casimir reed-stark: she tells him anders was lucky to have had him there, even if it had taken him a long time to get to there. she’s lucky to have him here now too. they all are [12/29/14, 4:57:01 AM] casimir reed-stark: she puts both hands on his face and just gently tells him not to let his grief make him careless. we can’t lose you too [12/29/14, 4:57:09 AM] winters: u can fuck r ight off. i cant believe this. i just whined out loud. n o [12/29/14, 4:57:48 AM] casimir reed-stark: he snaps back that he won’t but he knows she’s right and he softens and sighs and just . manages a thank you [12/29/14, 4:58:00 AM] casimir reed-stark: she gives him an odd look and gets up to go but [12/29/14, 4:59:00 AM] winters: she always believed in them both. that had a big impact on them, didnt it? even when they would snap and snarl, she was always there....... [12/29/14, 4:59:12 AM] winters: bye [12/29/14, 5:01:48 AM] casimir reed-stark: turns back at the last moment, kneels back down, tucks some of fenris’s loose hair back behind his ear, smiles, and kisses him. gently, just once. “you aren’t alone, fenris,” she says. “and no one ever belongs to only one person. even if your heart lays mostly with one, it’s never only theirs. and no heart is incapable of loving again simply because its lost. we all cared for him, and i’m sorry. i know what it’s like to lose people you love.” her face twists with that sorrow of remembering - mistakes she never stops killing herself over, the faces of everyone who died because she tried too hard and they didn’t love her like she loved them and she was wrong. [12/29/14, 5:02:42 AM] casimir reed-stark: she leaves fenris to his thoughts, goes back to her own bed, to where hawke is [12/29/14, 5:03:31 AM] casimir reed-stark: “so do we have to post guards outside his tent to make sure he doesn’t go running off to get himself killed too?” [12/29/14, 5:04:00 AM] casimir reed-stark: “i don’t think so. i think he’ll be alright, actually. with time. it gets a little easier. we just have to keep reminding him we’re here to help." [12/29/14, 5:05:52 AM] winters: that. y eah [12/29/14, 5:07:54 AM] casimir reed-stark: how did i do this again [12/29/14, 5:07:59 AM] casimir reed-stark: why do you keep letting me fucking do this [12/29/14, 5:08:27 AM] winters: i T OLD YOU TO END THIS IMMEDIATELY im SORRY [12/29/14, 5:09:21 AM] winters: w ow we moved from zevestel to zevbela to andersfenris........... and it was a LL ABT DEATH THIGNS [12/29/14, 5:09:33 AM] winters: at least zevestel was bittersweet [12/29/14, 5:09:41 AM] casimir reed-stark: SO WERE THEY ALL COME ON MAN [12/29/14, 5:09:42 AM] winters: and zevbela was like. that was nice [12/29/14, 5:09:49 AM] winters: WTF YEAH [12/29/14, 5:09:59 AM] winters: I J UST REALISED LMAO [12/29/14, 5:10:01 AM] winters: BUT LIKE [12/29/14, 5:10:14 AM] casimir reed-stark: dying in a last blaze of glory together! reunion in dreams! dying in his arms! [12/29/14, 5:10:27 AM] winters: bye [12/29/14, 5:10:32 AM] winters: i love [12/29/14, 5:10:38 AM] winters: but im sad [12/29/14, 5:10:43 AM] casimir reed-stark: also at some point fenris definitely does take up zev and isabela’s offer to join them in their tent for a while [12/29/14, 5:10:54 AM] winters: yeah. that feels right honestly [12/29/14, 5:11:01 AM] casimir reed-stark: he really hadn’t been doing a good job of hiding that he got used to not sleeping alone tbh [12/29/14, 5:12:48 AM] winters: i need to lay down [12/29/14, 5:13:01 AM] casimir reed-stark: this all just came out bc i like [12/29/14, 5:13:23 AM] casimir reed-stark: i am so cautious abt talking. about how i . am actually huge fenris/anders trash but only in this very specific way [12/29/14, 5:13:40 AM] casimir reed-stark: i do not want anyone to get the wrong idea [12/29/14, 5:14:26 AM] winters: i was always like no!!!!!! im not about anders/fenris!!!!! but i think tht's bc so much of it is like........... angry!!! i hate you!!!! lets bone to work out our frustration!!!! [12/29/14, 5:14:32 AM] winters: and im really not about that [12/29/14, 5:14:40 AM] casimir reed-stark: same [12/29/14, 5:14:57 AM] winters: but this. the growing to love each other, understanding and taking the time to be comfortable and kind. that's my thing [12/29/14, 5:15:26 AM] casimir reed-stark: but what a surprise its almost like i really really like ships that start out as varying amounts of disdain and dislike for each other [12/29/14, 5:15:41 AM] casimir reed-stark: and then eventually give way to understanding and trust and love over time and circumstance [12/29/14, 5:15:57 AM] casimir reed-stark: i also just do not for one minute buy that they dont develop more than they are shown to in da2 [12/29/14, 5:16:16 AM] casimir reed-stark: ten fuckin years man come on i just don’t believe aveline and isablea are the only ones who reconcile their differences over that time [12/29/14, 5:16:17 AM] winters: for friggen sure [12/29/14, 5:17:13 AM] winters: how can you be around someone for 10 years, and not learn to be more accepting because it's obvious that keeping up that hate is hard and painful and it's relaly not just worth it in the end [12/29/14, 5:17:22 AM] winters: and as if the rest of them would ahve put up with it for so long [12/29/14, 5:17:48 AM] winters: you cannot tell me that someone wouldnt have knocked some sense into them, or talked to them [12/29/14, 5:18:03 AM] winters: they're stubborn men but not that stubborn [12/29/14, 5:19:32 AM] casimir reed-stark: seriously [12/29/14, 5:20:47 AM] winters: that lack of development is so fucking stupid. fenris ends up being so good wiht a mage hawke in the end like fuck off he wouldnt be okay wiht anders at that point too [12/29/14, 5:21:41 AM] winters: i have faith in this child, and i have faith in anders. get away from me w ur 10 year grudge without apologies or reconcilement bioware [12/29/14, 5:21:43 AM] winters: i refuse [12/29/14, 5:23:11 AM] casimir reed-stark: rly