one last tangent for now:
the reading of the ending of the hunger games that katniss everdeen has a family and settles down because she finally feels like she can relax and believe that the world is safe for the new generation to grow up in and she doesn't feel like she has to fight and survive anymore? (paraphrased, i'm not a total expert on her character or the books)
that is a reading i can see applying to helena deeply; it won't be the same thing 1:1, since vigilantism and crime fighting are more of a lifelong thing than an event, but the underlying emotions and philosophy remains the same
i personally don't see that helena is necessarily child free and opposed to marriage β or settling down in any way; i do think that she would and does want family and some sort of stability, as hyperindependent and self-possessed as she may be. she could be open to the idea and want it, but she doesn't make it a tangible goal because her responsibility comes before her personal wants;
flings or long distance relationships or whatever are one thing because there's an easy way out; it doesn't mean the relationship itself is meaningless, she could in theory be in a lifelong relationship with someone and have it be deep enough to be considered a proper partnership
but she is more cautious about actual commitment that gets paperwork and other factors involved, merging your lives and identities together a bit more, both for her own safety (fear of being trapped in a dysfunctional marriage -> a commitment she can't leave -> being trapped in something she originally trusted) and for the other person's safety (she refuses to subject someone to the life of dating a vigilante with a dual life and someone with a lot of emotional baggage; she is self aware and not self deprecatory, she knows she can be a very difficult person to live with and she doesn't want anybody to enter that without knowing fully what they're getting into with her, and she refuses to "trap" someone by letting them believe she can be a better version of who she is, when she just is this, and it's highly unlikely she's putting down the cape ever)
this sense of responsibility multiplies thricefold when it comes to parenthood, because she is very conscious about breaking the cycle of generational trauma and abuse and not spreading it down. again, she is not ashamed of her last name or her family, she just is aware that there's a lot of baggage to be dealt with that would be unfair to just place onto a child who otherwise could have a much more stable and calm home β and then there's the whole other can of "what lasting traumas or impacts can her parenting leave", because being good with kids and teaching them and caring about them is not necessarily the same as raising them
so for helena, i'm keeping these choices a bit more ambiguous and case-dependent for her on purpose, because her sense of responsibility and her sense of safety are very much proportional to the state of gotham around her and her own personal stability, both of which fluctuates; she definitely wants and doesn't necessarily repress, she still has her joys and connections she doesn't apologise for, but for her to enjoy things, the pros just have to outweigh the cons. a no string attached fling can work just fine, she has even rationalised the part where she doesn't let her partner know her other identity or her murder count at all, because in this case, they've both consented to the risks involved and she knows this fling is happening where her vigilantism won't bleed into it necessarily. friendships, relationships, teaching, etc are fine, because at the end of the day, those people aren't obligated to stay with helena or be associated with her. but a much deeper commitment? a lot of adjustments have to be made and a lot of conversations have to be had, because there is no way helena can be okay with just letting a child be born into the life of "your mom's a murderer and has many enemies in the city, better use your child brain to understand moral relativity and grow up normally!" or let a partner struggle with the cognitive dissonance for the rest of their lives when they'd be far freer outside of this partnership with her. she's aware, and she's also choosing not to change or tone things down π i love morally questionable women who are principled and precise about what they're morally questionable about