#*azris

p.s. i love your persuasion fic, and NO PRESSURE AT ALL but i noticed it hasn't been updated in a bit and i was wondering if you've abandoned it?? it would be a huge shame but i completely understand pls take care of urself xx

send me a writing prompt!

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it had been a long day in an even longer life, but eris vanserra had accepted fatigue as his default state sometime around age twelve. the crown atop his brow was just one more thing to weigh him down. when he took it off, the eased weight on his head did nothing to lessen the one on his shoulders.

a court. a family. a future he could mold as he wished.

all the things eris wanted were certain in his palm now, his to use. all except the one who made him want it in the first place.

he felt the shadowsinger's presence like a blanket, warm and suffocating in equal measure. well then, he thought to himself, better to sever a limb than let it fester.

"hello, shadowsinger," he said - or really, he whispered it. something about watching azriel bejeweled in night court regalia - deep indigo fabric pretty against his blue siphons, diamonds glinting like stars on his years - made the words a horribly breathy whisper instead.

azriel stepped out of the shadows, the candlelight of eris' chambers painting him in loving warm tones. oh, but he was heartbreak personified tonight.

wordless, he inclined his head, and eris' heart vibrated its way into his throat.

"what now?" he asked, the question that had rested on his tongue since he met azriel's eyes across the throne room, his sword wedged firmly between beron's ribs. "have you washed your hands of me?"

when azriel did not respond, tracking eris face with his eyes instead, he went on. "your mission is over. beron lays dead. autumn's throne is secured. what business do you have for me?"

"none," azriel whispered, his voice hushed and almost worshipful. "i do not come here on business, my lord."

the title was a bolt of lightning down his spine and eris glanced away, pausing his approach to azriel as he absorbed the jolt it wrecked through him.

when he looked at azriel again, the male gave him a sweet, tentative half-smile. he took a step forward, nervousness hanging off of him like dew on a leaf, and settled his broad palms on eris' waist.

his touch was kindling, even through layers of clothing.

"don't leave," eris gasped, the words feeling as if they'd been ripped out of him. he had to say it now, or they'd fester in his lungs till they killed him.

"be my companion, azriel. be brave and gentle and furious, all the contradictions you are, and be them without shame."

his voice trembled and it was as if a dam had broken inside of him. the seeds of adoration he thought he'd killed prematurely were suddenly overripe and bursting.

azriel smiled, that lovely thing that fought its way across his mouth and painted his cheeks berry-red. he tugged eris forward, and autumn's favored son went bonelessly, settling against azriel's chest as the shadowsinger laughed, his breath scorching the fireling's neck.

"'washed your hands off me,' he claims," azriel croons, and the low timbre does no favors for eris' poor heart, working overtime to keep up with the travesty waging through his veins at azriel's words.

"high lord," azriel breaths, "i have hardly begun."

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❝ let’s be the same wound if we must bleed. let’s fight side by side, even if the enemy is ourselves: i am yours, you are mine.

i actually typically don’t picture azris with a mating bond 👀 i like the thought of their choice to be with each other and love each other feeling entirely their own. they’ve had so many choices taken away from them in their life that i think it would be a really comforting, reassuring thing to choose and be chosen with no caveat of is this him? or is this the bond? i’m definitely not anti-mating bond—i similarly think having a predestined, preordained connection to someone is a huge relief, especially for azriel—but at least in my azris mind palace, they trend towards not being mates for that reason.

however comma ! regardless of whether they have a bond, eris absolutely feels that jealousy and possession, especially around the inner circle. while their relationship is secret, eris isn’t really doing anything publicly to assert his claim over azriel. in fact, he’s being even nastier because that jealousy is eating away at some really deep wounds of abandonment, unlovability, and a lack of belonging. but once azriel has chosen eris..,,,..,,,.what a fucking menace he becomes. some of it is unintentional: them making brief eye contact and immediately being on the same page, them mirroring each other’s posture/mannerisms, etc. just like the inherent exclusion of knowing such a strong connection is present and you aren’t a part of it.

but then there’s also eris intentionally just having fucked azriel right before a meeting with the inner circle, so the marks he left on his throat and his collarbones are dark and fresh. they are there to say: mine; not yours. eris intentionally bringing things up about azriel/their life that the inner circle isn’t privy to as if it’s common knowledge they should know. little smirks and smug, glinting eye contact. pulling azriel aside for private conversation just because he can. fingers twirling lazily around azriel’s shadows while he speaks to the inner circle because they’re never far from his person.

god i love established relationship azris i cannot even tell you. they are so insane and weird about each other. some of these i've probably said already but they are worth repeating To Me

their conversations are nearly impossible to follow, even by those who know them well. not because they're talking in code or anything but because so much is understood between them that they skip around topics with seemingly no reason. they can often convey nearly everything they need to just with a look — because even if they aren't on the same page on something, they know how the other is thinking about it and what is being brought up for them internally.

i love eris being really quietly considerate in ways it takes azriel a while to notice, but once he does, they're everywhere. there's no reason at all for aristocratic settings in autumn to have furniture to accommodate wings — but after they're established, even before azriel is openly welcome in these settings, all of the furniture is made to be. eris notices pretty early on the way azriel reacts to flame being weaponized against him (Not Well) and never uses it against him again; once they're established, he calms hearths when azriel is around, keeps hot drink more temperate, incorporates heatless flames into bed play to forge positive associations (for both of them!), etc. eris researches night court cuisine and adjusts all meals to better suit azriel's palate — causes a revolution in the food across autumn in the doing.

on the flipside, i love azriel being casually considerate to eris in ways that he thinks nothing much of but to eris are treasures. they bathe together and azriel towels eris off afterwards. servants have done this his entire life — but it has never been offered between equals, as a gesture of intimacy, as a means of caretaking. eris is really fucking stressed after meeting with advisors, absolutely not in the mood to deal with the reports on his desk — turns out azriel already read through them? and after tearing into (a completely unfazed) azriel for overstepping and being assumptive, eris finds it really, really nice to have azriel relaying this information to him. to find that he trusts that azriel has not overlooked or omitted anything. to realize he has someone to trust at all.

azriel teaches eris aftercare!!! not on purpose. it's not like azriel knows the concept of aftercare. but what the fuck is eris vanserra going to do after using a bed slave or allowing a power-hungry high fae into his bed for a night? cuddle them? murmur sweet nothings in their ear? engage in pillow talk? like for sure not. he kicks them out expeditiously. but azriel comes to get really affectionate after sex as they get serious. (sex had always been their primary form of intimacy, and he didn't know this consciously, but he wanted to live in that as long as he could.) this made eris uncomfortable at first. they are finished with each other; why is azriel still holding him close? why does he enjoy it? why is he closing his eyes into it? why is he not pulling away? but soon remaining wrapped up in each other became little murmurs of praise became drowsy, whisper-soft admissions. he doesn't know quite when the switch happened, can't pinpoint the moment he came to crave such things even beyond sex. but he knows he can blame azriel for that.

ohhhh man. oh man yeah i think eris has a lot of feelings about this. mostly, at first, he would hate not having known about it already. there would be an initial sting—ah, so there is no chance for us to be mates—and of course the subsequent thoughts of once more being the less favored option, just as he had been to his mother, as well as the renewed fear that with just one twitch of a finger from the mate who rejected him, azriel would crawl back to the husk of his bond just for the chance to ease the rejection. in so doing, abndoning eris. this would linger and fester and cause constant mid-level psychic damage to him. but most of all, he would hate being taken by surprise by all these feelings because he would think—if only i knew before, then i would not have let myself grow attached to the shadowsinger. because eris thinks you can just intellectualize feelings away. (eris is of course wrong.)

however ! i am a big proponent of azris who aren’t mates. azris who choose each other with intent. azris who defy predestination to say: you, only; you, always. just something about to characters who are never chosen in the way they need to be finally experiencing that from the other. obviously it would be less of a reassurance for eris in this scenario because he would constantly have that lingering fear that azriel will leave him if ever the mate who rejected him changed their mind. even though the bond couldn’t be recovered, eris knows just the admission to a mistake having been made would be enough to soothe azriel and lead him astray. eris knows because it would be enough for him too.