James the hero
Word count: 2k
A/N: Thank you to @alrightginger @women-inthe-sequel @magic-girl-in-a-muggle-world @jamesandthedog @blitheringmcgonagall @all-perks-of-not-being-me @erase-graceâ @beaubcxtonâ for supporting such a silly idea. I hope you like this at least a fraction of how much I like your writing and personality
Pairing: Jily
Summary: If I wrote a summary, Iâd ruin the surprise.
***
When Mrs. potter walked in the living room of the Potter Mansion, she felt that something was wrong. Her skin prickled, and her Mom senses were alert for the first time since two weeks ago, when the Hogwarts express had left in direction of Scotland.
Her eyes scanned the place: Mimsyâtheir catâdidnât seem to have broken anything for once, nor had it scratched any of her favorite pillows; the fireplace harbored no fire, so the house couldnât be burning downâfrom there , at least; and her husband was lazily going through the Daily Prophet, seated on his armchair.
Really, everything seemed to be quite alright-
-until she noticed the little badly wrapped parcel on one of the glass tables.
That had no business in her living room.
âFleamont?â she called, creasing her brow. âWhat is that ?â
The man raised his cheerful eyes from the newspaper, and peeped at her for a few seconds with his most innocent look. When her severe expression made it clear that he couldnât get easily out of this one, he tried to hide his sheepish smile behind the publication.
âSomething for James. Iâm waiting for the owl to come back to send it over,â he muttered, hoping that she would be satisfied with this answer.
Of course, she wasnât.
âFleamont,â Mrs. Potter took a step toward the brown wrapping, and lifted it in the air to inspect it. âI swear to Merlin, if you get my son into detention once more -â
Mr. Potter clicked his tongue on his palate, and dropped the Daily Prophet on his lap, half-purposefully slapping the Minister of Magicâs squeamish face, âMay I remind you, darling, that this was an accident. Minerva oughtnât to punish her students because-â
âSomebodyâs hair has turned into sheep fur? No, surely not,â Mrs. Potter burst, trying to decipher the letters that labelled the bottleâfor it was a bottle, in the parcelâthrough the thick paper. âMind you, maybe when one or two students get such a relooking, one could think of a mistake in the shampoo brewing. But when half the staff walks around the castle with a fleece on their head for an entire week, with not charm to solve it-â When she looked down from the little package, her husband had found cover once more behind an outraged Minister of Magic. â Fleamont .â
âFine,â Mr. Potter said, sending the newspaper flying to the other end of the room. âI might have sent James some Mutton Mixture for testing last time, but this is a completely safe product.â He stood up, and gently took the parcel from his wifeâs hand. âWhich I am going to send right now, with a public owl, so there will be peace again under this roof.â
Mr. Potter left a little peck on his wifeâs cheek, took his hat from the coat rail, and opened the door.
âFleamont,â Mrs. Potter called again, âWhat is it for?â
She just heard the words âimpressâ and âgirlâ before she was alone for good in the house.
 ***
Jamesâ feet-tapping had become so irksome that Sirius couldnât get himself to gulp down any food anymore.
âAlright. What is it, Prongs?â
For an answer, James only beamedâand Sirius very much felt like throwing him the rest of his porridge square in the face. Hadnât it been for Remus-
âWhat Pads is trying to say, Prongs,â the lanky boy articulated between two mouthfuls of tart, âIs that youâre fucking annoying, beating some dumb rhythm and looking like youâve been told that Snivellus got bitten by a Blast-ended Skrewt.â
âHas he?â Peter shrilled. His eager expression faded when Sirius muttered that no, but he wished.
Ignoring this, James leaned toward the pumpkin juice carafe, placed between their four plates.
âI have a plan,â he whispered, and his eyes immediately darted to the redheaded girl that was sitting at the far end of the bench.
Sirius dropped his head, and Remus and Peter groaned, but the three boys listened nonetheless.
***
Everything was clear in Jamesâ head.
Ever since Lily had come back from summer vacations, she hadnât stopped going on about this Muggle spy movie. She loved the actor, she loved the story, she loved the character, and she couldnât stop gushing about it all.
Of course, this annoyed James very much.
Itâs not like him and Lily were good friendsâor were friends at all, to be honestâbut they were on fairly good terms, and James was working his way to become her heroâit is a truth universally acknowledged that girls fall in love with their heroes. So the fact that a fictional bloke was standing in his way was clearly the worst of all things.
To bypass the whole my-crush-of-forever-keeps-swooning-over-a-fictional-dude-and-thus-does-not-notice-me-as-she-should situation, James had first brooded quite a lot. But as he was not too much of the emo typeâit made him too similar to a certain slimehead he found absolutely repulsiveâ, he had tried to get Marlene and Dorcas to talk Lily out of her fangirling. Which would have worked, had he not gotten not too politely rebuked for apparently acting like a creep.
James had considered every other solution, but had come out with none that would work: dueling, arranging a date with another girl, and pranking would of course be pointless, as the guy was fictional, for Merlinâs sake; Â throwing a tantrum or threatening to fling himself from the astronomy tower seemed to be a bit dramatic, and he doubted that McGonagall would ever forgive him if he wrote âHey Lily, I am here,â on any wall of the castle. Â She still hadnât forgiven him for the last time heâd done it.
So, at this point, James had found himself in quite a dead end, and Lily kept talking about that cold-blooded, heart-stealing spy with flushed cheeks.
Yet, one day-
One day, James heard the name of the character, and something clicked in his head.
He had a plan.
***
âDo we tell him or-?â
Remus slapped Sirius round the head, âCome on Pads, James is our best friend. Between having a good laugh, or telling him the truth, we shouldnât even hesitate.â
As they watched the bespectacled boy climbing the stairs to the common room, parcel at hand, the three-fourth of the Marauders grinned, loyal to their rebellious teenager natures.
ââCourse we ainât telling him,â Peter concluded.
***
As James got out of the bathroom, an electric silence fell in the sixth year Gryffindorsâ room.
âSo?â he asked, wiping the mist away from his glasses with the fabric of his t-shirt.
The three other young men thanked Merlin that he couldnât see shit without those, because it let them enough time to regain their composure.
âMate,â Sirius said, when his best friend's hazel eyes finally put his face into focus.
He whistled, and that seemed to be enough to James. He looked at his friends with expectancy,
âAre you coming to witness my triumph?â
A little silence followed, and Remus considered throwing himself out of the window to avoid chuckling. But this would mean missing the next scene, so not thank you.
ââCourse,â Sirius said, his face professionally solemn.
âWouldnât want to miss that,â Remus added, skillfully turning his snort into a cough.
James sought Peterâs answer, but the boy just nodded. (Fact is, he had a part to add too, but he was chewing the inside of his cheeks really hard, and didnât trust himself to contain his laughter otherwise.)
James beamed, and turned around, riding one of his hands in his messy hair. (That hadnât changed.)
As the boys followed him toward the common room, Sirius let out his umpteenth groan, and Peter nearly suffocated.
***
âOi, Evans!â
At the sound of Jamesâ voice, Lily prepared herself to execute the most massive eye-roll in history of eye-rolls. What did he want, now? Couldnât she study in peace on a Sunday morning? Considering the looks she spotted on her friendsâ faces, their inner voices were shouting the same.
Still, when Lily turned around, a salty remark already on the tip of her tongue, all the air was knocked out of her lungs, and her jaw dropped somewhere near the floor.Â
For a second, she considered that the sunlight coming through the window might be playing her some wicked trick.
âJames-â she whispered in shock, struggling for words that didnât want to line up in her mind. âYouâre- youâre-â
âYouâre blond!â Marlene squeaked, raising a hand to her mouth, only to let it drop soon after.
To her cry, all the students in the room looked up from their books, essays, or games of exploding snaps. Some of them gasped, while the other half choked on their saliva.
âYes,â James said, puffing his chest up with a smug smile. âLike that Muggle spy you always talk about, Evans.â
He wriggled his eyebrows at Lily, in that ridiculous way that he surely believed was charming.
Some sort of noise escaped Lilyâs throatâsimilar to the squeaks that Peter made when somebody told him it was exams dayâand said boy had to take one of the cushions from the couch to muffle his wave of giggles.
From the floor, Mary and Dorcas were still staring with open mouths, and the former braced herself, blushing for James, hoping that Lily wouldnât be too hard on him: it was a cute thought, after all.
âWhat,â James asked, when the awkwardness in the room became so palpable that even he could sense it. âHave I grown a horn or-â
âSee, Prongs,â Remus finally said, torn between a smile of pure amusement, or one of slight guilt. âThe fact is that-â
âYou look like him,â Lily cut across the lanky boy, springing from the floor. âYou exactly look like James Blond.â
Siriusâ expression went from Iâm-on-the-verge-of-dying-from-laughter to excuse-me-but-what-the-fuck??
âItâs-â her voice came out a bit strangled, laughter threatening to burst from her throat at the realization of his misinterpretation, but she checked herself, and swallowed.
She couldnât entirely bite back her smile, though, but made it as gentle as she could. There was even a slight hint of red on her cheeks.
âIt was kind of stupid of you, Potter-â
She was close enough to him now for his nose to face her forehead. One of her hands rose, as if to touch the pseudo-sunburned streaks of his hair, but she seemed to ditch the idea. Instead, she propped herself on the point of her toes, and left a swift kiss on his cheek.
âBut itâs a nice surprise.â
When she left towards the dormitory, holding a hand to her mouth, the Marauders were so surprised that Sirius forgot to whistle.
***
It turned out that Mr. Potter had been quite mistaken about his affirmation: they dying lotion wasnât as safe as heâd believed. Just like it had happened with the Mutton Mixture, the Blonde Brew lasted one week before starting to fade away.
Now, I could leave to you the task of imagining how these seven days went by, but something tells me that, maybe, youâd like to hear it from me.
The first to notice, apart from the Gryffindor students, was a very confused Filch. During his morning stroll, before which he had maybe drank a cup too much, it caused him a shock to see a blonde replica of James Potterâfor his first thought was that it was a clone of his worst nightmare wandering around, you see. Filch ran to Mrs. Pomfrey in panic, and swore to never drink a drop of firewhiskey again, or itâd cause him a stroke, sooner or later. He instead moved on to vibringvodka.
When Professor McGonagall and a couple of other teachers came across James, in the hallways, they blinked furiously for a couple of seconds, but did not even try to understand. There was some relief in their countenance, as if they were just glad their own hair hadnât been turned into something else, this time.
Professor Dumbledore eyed Jamesâ mane very intently during dinners, and envied him this dazzling color for a while, while Professor Slughorn got quite distracted by the change, and blew some cauldrons during lessons.
As for the core of the Hogwarts student, anyone who even thought about telling James about his little mistake ended up jinxed, spluttering slugs instead of words. Said students never knew how it happened to them, but when they turned around to race toward the Hospital Wing, theyâd always bypass a redhead, her rosy cheeks stretched in a fond smile.
Somehow, James had become something close to being Lilyâs hero.














