#* smutty

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･ﾟ✧ Arwen.

Arwen has a strong weakness for your cheeks during intimacy. She loves the way they blush and colour, as well as how soft they feel under her touches and kisses during sex. She will caress you on your cheek to show her affection in daily life, too.

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･ﾟ✧ Boromir.

Boromir always has and always will adore your legs. He loves their shape, their length, and the way you lie beside him in gardens or in his chambers. He will hold your legs and shower them with kisses – be it on your shin, knee, or high up on the thigh.

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･ﾟ✧ Elrond.

It might strike you as peculiar at first, but it dawns on you that Elrond is extremely weak for your collar bones. He delights in you wearing clothes that show them off and is diligent in stroking and kissing them when the two of you are finally alone ♡

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･ﾟ✧ Éomer.

Maybe it surprises himself at first, too, but Éomer has absolutely fallen in love with your hair. He marvels at its texture and beauty which leaves him breathless more often than not. If it is long enough, he will ask you if it’s okay for him to pull it when he kisses you.

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･ﾟ✧ Éowyn.

Éowyn loves your hands like no one else. Even if they’re rough or scarred, she will take them in hers, caress the palms of your hands and kiss your fingers. Perhaps she’d even bring you a calm or cream to soothe the skin. During sex, she prefers you using your hands over anything else.

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･ﾟ✧ Faramir.

With Faramir, there is no need to ever remind him that “my eyes are up here” – this man is on his knees with but a gaze from you, that’s how weak he is for your eyes. They have captivated him ever since he first saw you, and he loves gazing into them ♡

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･ﾟ✧ Frodo.

Frodo has a weakness for your mouth and often finds himself staring at your lips. Not only does he love your kisses but also your smile! The two of you will often play games involving your mouth, ranging from innocent picnic shenanigans to more intimate moments…

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･ﾟ✧ Galadriel.

Some time passes before you pick up on it, but Lady Galadriel seems to have found a liking for your head. She would often hold it in-between her hands – especially when kissing you – and asks you to rest your head on her lap.

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･ﾟ✧ Gandalf.

Gandalf would never tell you, but he is absolutely in love with your eyes. He has found himself just sitting and thinking about your lovely gaze and the colours of your eyes, sometimes even when he had set out to do something important…

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･ﾟ✧ Gimli.

Dear Gimli is very weak for your beautiful hair. He is aware of this ever since he first saw you – but he still blushes whenever he brushes your hair. Decorating your hair with flowers and jewellery gives him great joy.

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･ﾟ✧ Haldir.

Haldir’s favourite body parts – both on you and himself – are butts. He loves to caress and touch your butt and will secure clothes for you that look great on your behind. He may appear stone-faced, but in reality, this Elf is very easily smitten!

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･ﾟ✧ Legolas.

Being nonchalant and honest as he is, Legolas wastes no time answering your question about his favourite part of your body – he adores your nipples! He loves playing with them during sex – so much so that he sometimes finds himself begging ♡

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･ﾟ✧ Merry.

Continuing the characters with a liking for “sexier” bodyparts, Merry is entirely in love with your genitals. He won’t shut up about how beautiful you are and showers you with kisses down there. Should you ever voice insecurity about how you look down there, Merry is right there to praise you instead.

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･ﾟ✧ Pippin.

Pippin’s favourite parts of your body are your feet. In typical Hobbit fashion! He adores running across meadows barefoot with you, cooling your feet in brooks on hot summer days, and he gives the best foot massages.

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･ﾟ✧ Sam.

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･ﾟ✧ Aragorn.

As a ranger, Aragorn is well-versed with herbs and flowers that can serve as an aphrodisiac or be turned into one. He is very particular with which ones to use and not really interested in “store-bought” variants. Elven knowledge is quite helpful regarding making his own aphrodisiacs for the two of you; he prefers to only use them on special occasions. Since the topic is delicate for many Humans, Aragorn prefers to keep them a secret between you two – after all, this is about intimacy ♡

Reaction: like a power surge, short but sweet

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･ﾟ✧ Boromir.

Since there is a sort of taboo around aphrodisiacs in Gondor, Boromir is quite excited to learn more about them when you suggest them for your sex life. He is so curious and eager about them that he ends up wondering why someone wouldn’t use them to give a special spice and magic to their trysts – especially considering the immense variety of flavours and scents. That said, Boromir always has your comfort as his top priority, so he would not pressure you into anything you wouldn’t want to do. To you, he’s nothing but a gentleman!

Reaction: strong, to the point of exhaustion once the effects wear off

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･ﾟ✧ Frodo.

Hobbits value aphrodisiacs as much as smoking, drinking, dancing, and other hedonistic aspects of their culture, and Frodo is no different – though maybe a bit more distinguished than other Hobbits. He has a small collection of fancy little phials and is open to using them should you desire so anytime. All of them have pleasant scents and tastes, like strawberries or jasmine. Frodo in general is very normal about sexual experimentation and always communicates clearly so that the two of you are sure to have a good time ♡

Reaction: mild to normal

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･ﾟ✧ Gandalf.

While other Wizards might think of aphrodisiacs as a poor use of magic for mere “petty-minded fooling around” (I am looking at Saruman), I think Gandalf’s playful nature and his contact to Hobbit culture would make him want to indulge in the occasional aphrodisiac from time to time, be it in the form of herbs, potions, spells, or items. On top of that, he would use magic to create certain illusions or sensations to make you feel good. He doesn’t have limitless curiosity though, and he would not speak about this to anyone but you.

Reaction: none to mild, depending on the sort

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･ﾟ✧ Gimli.

For years, Gimli has been convinced that he has no need or want for aphrodisiacs in his love life. So perhaps, when you first suggest using them for the two of you, he would not really know what to say. However, I figure he would be open to trying them out when you ask him, too. Not only that: Dwarves have brilliant ingenuity and dexterity, so maybe Gimli would come up with a new aphrodisiac entirely catering to your personal needs and/or kinks, perhaps even in the form of a magic-induced gem.

Reaction: mostly prolonged stamina, normal

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･ﾟ✧ Legolas.

Not only do I headcanon the Elves as entirely open to sexual experimentation with toys and kinks – they even take a certain pride in it. They are at the forefront when it comes to aphrodisiacs, and Legolas is no different. He has a few staples in his collection that have become his personal trustful companions over the years, like magic-induced flowers and candles, and is eager to try out whatever you bring into your bedroom as well. He would answer any questions of yours regarding the aphrodisiacs in his “Lembas voice”: proud of the Elvish traditions but still casual.

Reaction: very strong, since he is already so passionate

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･ﾟ✧ Merry.

While Merry doesn’t keep any aphrodisiacs for himself, he has no inhibitions to trying something out when you suggest it. I like the idea that they could help him let himself fall and really enjoy sex, since Merry tends to be controlled by his head instead of his emotions, or even aspires to be more of a “thinking type”. Aphrodisiacs could provide him with the opportunity of rawness and freedom in a way he hasn’t known before – and I think he would enjoy that very much ♡

Reaction: strong and freeing

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･ﾟ✧ Pippin.

Growing up in Hobbit culture, Pippin is used to aphrodisiacs – or at least talking about them. He has at least once fallen prey to swindlers who convinced him of spending lots of money on some much-praised herb, only to find out later it doesn’t do anything (other than smelling nice). Pippin would also experiment a lot with what works for the two of you and what doesn’t, and always voice clearly if something wasn’t for him. Perhaps he would brag about his newest discovery with other Hobbits – if only to get another tip in return.

Reaction: physically little, but boosted mentally

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･ﾟ✧ Sam.

I don’t think Sam would enjoy aphrodisiacs very much – for a couple of personal reasons, ranging from “It’s just that I’ve yet to find one that doesn’t taste like stale biscuits” to “It wouldn’t feel right, y’know?”. Sam is a big romantic and proud to always provide you with the right mood by preparing candles, nice pillows, maybe a fireplace on cold nights, or even starlit trysts in a sunflower field, to name a few examples. I think he would nip at your favourite potion just to have tried it once but still be fine with you calling him old-fashioned. After all, this is about having a good time!

Reaction: none

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･ﾟ✧ Bonus: Haldir.

I’m including Haldir in this one because I have a random headcanon of him being comically scared of aphrodisiacs haha! After all, they might expose his buried feelings that he works so hard to hide, almost like a truth serum. I also imagine he would expect such a potion/flower/herb to taste nasty, smell funny, and just all around not be for him. But as written above, I imagine the Elves to be very open to sexual experimentation, so dear Haldir would be a “prude” in their eyes. You can read more about my headcanons on him on this older NSFW post.

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There are several interviews where Craig Parker speaks of his discomfort regarding Haldir's looks, though he always seems very fond of the character and the filming experience overall. The videos that come to my mind right away are from 2009, 2012, and 2013 (the links have timestamps).

There are of course many more great interviews (I adore this sassy behind-the-scenes video, too), so if anyone has another favourite, feel free to add to this post!

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As for the choking headcanon: Due to Craig Parker's interviews and Haldir's film reaction upon bumping into the fellowship (reuniting with Aragorn, meeting a Dwarf, feeling the presence of the ring and its doom...), I think of him as someone who has bad outlets for his insecurities. Him not letting the fellowship pass and asserting his power as Lórien's marchwarden reads to me like trying to regain control he thinks he has lost -- either due to the past, or the future that he thinks the rings brings.

Funnily enough, I think he looks even more overwhelmed in the cinematic cut than in the extended edition!

As I've written in that headcanon post, I think breath play gives him a rush of power and dominance. Quick disclaimer: I personally haven't got any experience with choaking and no desire to try it out, haha, but I find it fascinating to think about in terms of fanfiction. To Haldir, it has little to do with intimacy and more with power and control.

Overall, I wouldn't go as far as to imagine him as "cruel", but he does strike me as someone who can be ruthless and cold as long as his insecurities guide him, like a protective shield.

He seems happiest when he is carefree: at the arrival at Caras Galadhon and when he got closure during the arrival at Helm's Deep (my personal headcanon is that when Elrond and Galadriel wanted to send troops there, he volunteered!). I appreciate that the movies give him that subtle character arc.

In fanfic terms, I think Haldir would mellow and enjoy true intimacy when find his one true love. Perhaps he could then find out that breath play is much more about trust and care than power and control 👀💕

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Are they dominant, submissive or a switch?

I feel like Haldir is someone who prefers to be in total control, be it in everyday life or sexual encounters. That said, he will absolutely melt for a partner he knows he can trust – which takes a lot of time and work, but someday he’ll confess to his desire to be dominated ♡

What is their favorite body part (in regards to their partner)?

Haldir strikes me as an ‘arse’ kind of person, both for himself and his partner. The way Craig Parker talks about the role also gave me the headcanon that Haldir does not think very highly of his own body in terms of traditional Elvish beauty. But as I said, he loves to have his arse(hole) touched and teased.

What’s a no go for them (in the bedroom)?

I feel like he’d draw a line at kisses on the mouth – until he meets his match, that is…

What would they pick as their safeword?

Haldir would be bad at choosing a safeword, I think haha! He’d wrack his brains and despair at the implications – Why would a strong Elf need a certain word to make their partner stop? – but in the end, he’d settle for something a little too goofy for his ears, probably in Sindarin.

What’s their favorite position?

Anything standing up! It’s quick, clean and hard, just as he likes it. (He also likes to bottom in missionary, but don’t tell him I said that haha!)

What’s their favorite way to be intimate (can be non-sexual)?

Intimacy is a red rag to Haldir. It complicates things, it lingers and hurts. That said, he does like to embrace and be embraced in return, safe and sound. ‘Human hugs’ should be dirty for him, but he cannot deny the rush of warmth and quickened heartbeat anytime he does allow them…

Which petname/honorific/title do they prefer for themselves?

While I can’t think of a specific preference, I do think he dislikes anything that would imply him being ‘unmanly’, whatever that means to him personally. In general though I don’t think Haldir is that big on petnames when it comes to himself.

Which petname/honorific/title do they use for their partner?

Haldir does not assign petnames lightly. He much prefers to call his partner by their name, short or full version (think ‘Aragorn of the Dúnedain’). However I do feel like he likes to use ‘bunny’ (laboth in Sindarin) as a term of endearment – an animal that’s pretty but swift and clever, too.

What’s their favorite toy?

Knives, if you can call those toys. He enjoys the thrill and power surge they give him, running them along his partner’s throat and chest – and having the same done to him in return. However I’m thinking, while Elves in generally are pretty eager to experiment with toys, Haldir is regarded as a prude among his kind.

How experienced are they?

Pretty experienced sexually even in long term partnerships, I’d say, but inexperienced with romantic love/intimacy.

What noises do they make?

Haldir strikes me as someone who would keep very quiet during sex and doesn’t appreciate much talking. When he allows himself to be vulnerable, however, a few breathy moans do escape his mouth. You could only get a waterfall of words out of this Elf via a telepathic connection, or by getting him really, really drunk.

What ‘common’ kink do they have?

I feel like Haldir, being rather dominant than submissive, would enjoy choking his partner or doing breath play of any kind. It gives him a rush of power.

What universe-specific kink (like Monster Fucker, tentacles, etc.) do they have if any?

Once Haldir meets his perfect match, the one person he wants to be with more than anyone else, he yearns to use his Elven telepathy during sex. This requires great intimacy and openness from both partners, so it’s not something he’d do during a quick relief of stress with a fellow soldier in Lórien. As I said, he’s not too keen on talking during sex, but that goes out the window when he sinks into telepathic communication with his partner – since no one else could hear it, he’d shower them with sweet nothings ♡

What do they do for foreplay?

Haldir is not big on foreplay, usually. If he is with a partner he trusts entirely, he’ll let himself fall and get hot and bothered just by having his body showered in kisses.

What do they do for aftercare?

Haldir would avoid aftercare entirely if that wouldn’t mean leaving behind a mess. He’d swiftly clean up himself and his partner, maybe even give a polite kiss before leaving, but I think that’s about it. Even if someone does manage to win his heart, he is not too big on taking joint baths, drinking etc. and would rather just fall asleep in his partner’s arms.

What unexpected kink do they have?

Sex in water!

What unexpected turn-on do they have?

See above: baths. At least that’s unexpected to himself, I guess! Haldir loves taking baths and staying clean, but after he had sex in a pool for the first time, he’s a changed man. The pleasure would irritate him at first, but passion would quickly overtake his initial surprise. He adores the water flowing around him and his lover, and how slick it makes every movement and kiss – and how light it makes his body feel.

Where do they prefer to have sex?

While bath sex drives him absolutely insane, and the forest of Lothlórien provides anonymity for quickies, Haldir’s favourite place to sleep with his partner is someplace safe and sound, preferably on a soft surface, like a fur. He loves the fluffy texture, intimacy and perceived normality of such sex, rather than something quick that he needs to keep a secret – but he’d never admit to that, needless to say!

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