@consilian
He wanted to say a lot of things. Complain, upset her, tear at her with his words because Hanybul was oh so destructive and everyone who knew him knew about his ways as well. That had been the reason for his best friend to turn his back on him, for the boy to get lost in a mess he had brought upon himself but it was still so heartwrenching, still so terrifyingly beautiful to see her again, supposedly well and mostly unharmed. He didn’t know where she had been, why she had felt the need to stop communication altogether and being the kind of person he was, Hanbyul had decided to let go.
What use was there in clinging to something, to somebody, when all it was doing was to put him down somehow? He didn’t blame her, more so himself. Hanbyul had grown accustomed to finding the flaws in his own decisions, rather than seeing the whole picture and understanding the concept of treating how you wanted to be treated; or maybe he was just damaged enough not to care anymore.
Pressing his lips into a thin line, he would have spun around and leave the moment he had spotted her. But everything about her was so familiar, reminded her of what little family had been left for him once upon a time. But even that was gone now, mostly gone for good he guessed, and yet he had sworn to himself to do right by her; he couldn’t do that if he decided to stick around.
❝No particular reason.❞ He wanted to smile, tell her how much he had missed her but what good was that going to do? No. He was long past those times. ❝Didn’t expect t’see ya’ here.❞ And he hadn’t, whatever God there was, he knew he hadn’t.
she’s grown a year older, birthday passed silently because another year closer to death is not as meaningful anymore when she has a daughter now. therefore, she learned how to mature without anyone’s guidance. her mother insulted her behind closed doors the night on mother’s day because apparently she’s still a failure. though hana’s facial expressions remain the same, cocky smile and the intimidating demeanor that makes it harder for people to approach.
hanbyul probably thinks of the young woman as a nightmare at this point. coming and going unexpectedly, upsetting and making his blood boil without trying. sadly, she isn’t a dream -- she’s a human being and a so-called best friend when she’s undeserving of the title.
“can’t stick myself in a room every single second of the day, you know.” it happened already, that’s why people were surprised to see her coming around a little more. guess they can stop pulling those dark; ‘oh, guess you aren’t dead yet,’ jokes to her face. “... how’ve you been?” hana asks, almost hesitantly.
hana doesn’t know how to approach and make conversation with someone she was once close to. hanbyul might shrug his shoulders, tell her she’s fine when he isn’t. he doesn’t have to break walls, start to cry and spill his sorrow through a night of sleepless quality time; hana knows.. understands even.
despite closeness, she hasn’t said too much of how she genuinely felt when they were with one another. how genuinely apologetic she feels whenever she has to see him because those moments of his loneliness taking over; she should’ve been there. selfish, she’s so selfish. forgetting of those who put her in a side where she matters and focuses on grasping onto people who already let go.
