professionally

ash is back to work beginning mid-october after the four month hiatus he had since mid-june. he made his return with titan’s concert in singapore on october 10 and released a new portal single on october 19 that signals the start of his new solo album era.

he could have benefitted from a longer break but with titan touring there was some pressure for him to return + he was really passionate about his vision for his solo album and wanted to get to releasing that.

his solo schedules aren’t really crazy this quarter. he wants his album to mostly speak for itself, so solo schedules will mostly just be magazine shoots + interviews and stuff uploaded to his new soundcloud.

titan is touring through the end of the year and is working on both japan and korea comebacks, so threads during the tour or at the bc building are welcome.

he’ll also be at the retreat of course, so bc idols, we can do something with that! he’ll just be chilling? working on music as usual mostly and going out to take pictures of the scenery. he spent a good chunk of time the last four months in jeju and tbh he likes his own place there better than the retreat, but he won’t waste his time complaining about that too much

personally

honestly, he’s doing all right on a personal level? he’s really working on himself and his album has allowed him to do that since it’s his first album he feels is really abt himself. he usually writes albums about love and heartbreak from very personal experience, so they naturally become largely abt someone else, but blacklight is abt his own relationship with fame and self-identity and mental illness, so he’s really proud of it. parts of it are still inspired by feelings of love and heartbreak, but the way he wrote it feels like a more personal analysis of how he experiences relationships to him? if anyone wants to discuss his album or the singles he’s releasing before it comes out (so beautiful in oct & nerves in nov), he could talk all day abt it.

his birthday is december 24th. honestly he’ll probably spend it by himself like he usually does but if anyone wants to thread something birthday-related in the days near his birthday, i’d be down? he’s not one to throw a huge party, so it’d probably be staying in one on one or going out somewhere lowkey.

for halloween, he’ll probably be in some bar or club somewhere in itaewon in a half-assed costume for discounted drinks if any muse wants to run into him there

he’s looking to move into a new place if anyone wants to go househunting with him? ignore his current residence details on his profile but he’s still living in his big apartment in seongsu-dong. he’ll probably end up downsizing and moving to somewhere like itaewon

i’d also like him to get a dog and/or a cat eventually. i’ve had names and looks and stuff picked out for them forever, but it just hasn’t felt right yet. idk that he’d get either this quarter because he’s not super actively looking, but someone could go to a shelter with him or a cat cafe or he could briefly help raise a stray cat or dog they find or something !

plots

i mostly mixed plot ideas in with the other two categories and it feels redundant to repeat myself

overview & schedules

ash continues to live in his studio

he’s at a really busy point of writing/producing/recording for his album with finishing songs and getting no sleep

thinks he’s almost done with the album but he ends up not being happy / feeling finished with it + i think some time this quarter, it gets locked in as his english-language debut and the album process gets delayed

his workaholic tendencies are kicking into overdrive again. though he’s been selective with his solo schedules since returning from hiatus so that he’s not dedicating a ton of energy to stuff he finds pointless (photoshoots, variety, brand deals, etc.), polaris schedules + all of his work in the studio is still tiring, especially considering how unhappy he is with polaris schedules these days

most solo schedules for the next few months will be festivals, so that could be a plot point if anyone was planning a festival stage claim for their muse and maybe ash could perform there as well if it works

is more actively unhappy with polaris’s direction than he’s ever been in his career. that’s not to say he hasn’t disliked it or felt dissonance with it before (i mean he literally debuted feeling that way), but putting so much energy into resenting dynamite and then getting butter to show for it... it certainly encourages him to throw himself into his own music even more

pretty unhappy / low mentally and emotionally. just tired and unmotivated to talk to anyone or leave his house. anyone he’s close to might recognize these signs. they’re free to bring it up. or not. bringing it up probably won’t end well anyway

his next album is going to be his english-market debut so dimensions has been pushing his name out there with lollapalooza, new year’s rockin’ eve, etc. they might throw him into some english-language magazines and maybe some collabs this year after his album comes out too (plus plans of touring post-album release)

there was a point ash would have been happy about this but right now he just feels like it’s an uphill battle against dynamite and butter because he wants to be known for his music in his home country, not those songs

is praying dynamite doesn’t win the grammy and is happy when it doesn’t ngl !

is also feeling irritated because he stopped taking brand deals solo because it made him feel like a sellout and now that’s like half of what polaris does lmao

so overall, he’s just... irritated, unhappy, buried in his solo work

base awards

ash would rather not be there tbh? agrees with the people who say it’s just the companies sucking themselves off lmao. will probably express this with only a little prompting.

he is invested in his solo stage since a lot of his vision for the mito world is in it, but mostly in his self-obsessed ‘you wouldn’t understand’ artist way, not so much in an endearing, fun, let’s talk about it way unfortunately 😭

is nominated for a few different awards. will say he doesn’t care. will probably still get annoyed if he doesn’t win.

not the most fun person to interact with, but he can probably keep it civil (and most likely low energy) with anyone he doesn’t already dislike lmao

he doesn’t want to go to the afterparty tbh, even to get wasted, but i’ll probably say he goes unless i don’t end up having any threads there. he won’t stay for a long time unless he has a reason to since he’s got to leave for la without sleep right after

idk i feel like in every single plot call i’m like ash is irritable he can fight someone but like... yeah... he can. fully possible he’s an asshole even to people he usually gets along with.

but also possible he strikes up an unlikely friendly moment with someone he doesn’t know too well if we want to pretend he has redeemable qualities! especially if they can give each other a space to vent

also possible he shows up to the afterparty smelling like he really committed to pregaming and gaslights gatekeeps girlbosses anyone who tries to point it out (ash vc: snitch) 

can someone make ash cry. idk where. idk when. he needs to feel something

or someone rope him into some kind of drinking game. sounds fun (to me).

plots

anything revolving around music production and ash’s time in the studio is a strong potential point. he’s hesitant to share too much of what he’s working on album-wise right now, but he’d be happy to listen to other people’s work and/or discuss anything around that. he has some internal conflict about self-indulgence vs authenticity, love of music vs force of habit, etc that could be a topic of discussion

like i mentioned already, very willing for him to ruin some friendships / otherwise positive connections this quarter

alternatively, someone kinda doing a little ‘intervention’ or at least expressing some concern about him. either to remind him people still care or to knock some sense of reality into him to get his shit together depending on the tone.

or just a moment where he actually leaves the studio and has some down time spent with someone else (something pretty low energy, just chilling) and he gets closer to them or if they’re already close he gets to enjoy human connection for once

speaking of human connection, ash feeling the touch of another human again for once would make some of the songs on his album easier to write lmao. would need discussion but i’d like to explore ash being willing to open himself up to intimacy again, whether it’s a slow or fast process. honestly this probably works best with someone he’s not super close to (yet?) 

/sappy

background

born in san francisco on christmas eve in 1997. ash’s dad is an engineer and his mom is a journalist and photographer.

they had him young, but some family money on his dad’s side and a few good gos at the stock market kept them comfortable. they weren’t mega rich, not exactly fuck you money, but they always lived very comfortably with few financial worries. if asked, ash would say he grew up in ~an average middle class american household~ but he went to private school and lived in a nice townhome in san francisco so,,,

he very clearly loved music from a young age and began playing piano at four and violin at five. took to them both very naturally. down the line, he’d start dancing at seven and playing guitar.

he competed in some piano and violin competitions here and there and was pretty successful. ask ash around middle school and he would have said his career goal was being a jazz pianist

he would go to australia often over the summer with his mom when he was a kid because his mom was born in australia and she did some work there.

he auditioned for dimensions entertainment on a whim on a trip to los angeles and got offered a trainee contract, and he moved to seoul right when he turned thirteen. he didn’t know korean very well, and he was near immediately (like.. a few days/weeks after moving to seoul) thrown into a television show next generation with five other trainees.

next generation was like??? hell for him. dude was there like a week and they said ok ok cool you can handle being the main vocal, a dancer, and a rapper for this show right?? even though your korean is Not Good so you can’t even understand what’s going on ? and ash didn’t know what he was getting into.

they lost and ash felt kinda responsible for it? like dude was not prepared and didn’t understand what anyone was saying so he wanted to leave when the show was over but he couldn’t because contract.

so he remained a trainee because he had to and he was a lonely trainee. he was pretty much a shoe-in for polaris’s debut lineup unless something went terribly wrong from like day one of being in dimensions since he’d been on the show and that was a lot of pressure. he threw his all into training to live up to his all-arounder/triple threat/golden maknae/boy wonder type of image from next generation, but he was a member known for not participating in the youtube logs as much. pretty much set the tone for his idol image (good at everything except uhhhh,,, connecting with fans and being likeable?)

during this time, he took songwriting more seriously as a method of bettering his language skills and added that to his resume by the time polaris debuted.

he debuted at fifteen as the maknae, main vocal, lead dancer, and rapper of polaris. he was talented, especially for a kid so young, but wasn’t great at the whole idol thing still.

he had a couple of attitude controversies mostly caused by cultural differences or ash not being great at communicating, but they’ve been mostly forgotten now though people who don’t like him will point him out as moody/rude/attention-seeking still.

the first few years of his career were generally okay. he stayed in the background and didn’t branch out into solo activities, keeping to himself and trying to find ways to enjoy the fact he was living his dream. it didn’t live up to what he expected because he valued freedom so much and didn’t get a lot of it and he admittedly hated being the maknae of the group because it felt like he was never taken as seriously

wrote and produced their first ~big~ song “i need u” and got taken more seriously by the company and fans as a songwriter and producer after that. has worked on several polaris songs as well as others since. notably, wrote “spring day” and gets those good good longest charting song royalty checks as well as some other songs for polaris and calypso

in 2017, he released trouble maker with another idol, which helped him make an individual name for himself

he made his solo debut later that year. he was only nineteen at the time but the solo debut really got his name out there as an individual and a songwriter with an identity separate from polaris (the romantic but angsty r&b boy with the honey vocals ; would eventually grow into the image of a james dean rebellious heartthrob type) and though he was only nineteen, he started to shape a career of his own.

was enjoying his ability to branch out as a solo even though it put more of a spotlight on him. the year after his solo debut, polaris really started to break out in the us (where he had to take on a more prominent role in interviews than he ever had because of his english fluency) and he released his second album

had a dating rumor not long after his solo debut because a sasaeng had gotten pissed at him for ~not being thankful enough to his fans~ but that was quashed extremely quickly by dimensions because they couldn’t have their saving grace boy group go down like that. it garnered some talk and to this day, his antis try to connect him with the actress the dating rumor had been with. 

dimensions pushed him because he was doing well, and he only started doing better. he released successful solo music and wrote successful songs. everything seemed great on the career side of this life.

he was getting brand deals, magazine covers, solo concerts, solo fanmeetings, songwriting gigs, etc., but he continued to struggle a lot behind the scenes mentally, and after an ankle injury in 2018, his physical health took a hit.

had another dating rumor in 2019 because a girl’s private instagram got leaked and there were pictures of him / of them together, but they weren’t compromising enough dimensions couldn’t paint it as friendship. the girl wasn’t someone the public really liked tho so even being friends with her took a hit on his image.

also started to come into himself more at this time and was determined to give less of a shit about what people thought. has gotten tattoos and facial (and nipple and navel) piercings since, which he’s also gotten hate comments for.

he didn’t plan on renewing his contract with dimensions in 2020 because he wanted to leave and live a normal life, but he was in a very bad place mentally and had a lot of people around him (like managers) pressuring him to re-sign (a consequence of his social circle being so industry-based because he got into it so young :/) so he ended up re-signing. honestly was in such a bad place he doesn’t even totally remember why he did it but he did so :/

ended up hospitalized shortly after re-signing due to an ankle injury + because of mental health issues / physical health issues 

and then last summer, when he took a mental health break because he was still in a bad place and spiraling because he realized he was trapped in a contract for another six years

he’s sensitive so the amount of hate he gets and the anti campaigns does get to him, but he’s actively trying to care less.

very much struggles with the idea of wanting to be true to himself and knowing that if he conforms a little more, he’ll get less hate

image

kwon taeyong, the golden bad boy of your dreams if you’re a stan or entitled spoiled overrated hellspawn whiner if you’re an anti

wattpad bad boy with a heart of gold slow burn fic in human form much to ash’s dismay

basically sold as good at everything (the whole “golden maknae” schtick) : great singer, good dancer, and he can talk fast sometimes !! (he doesn’t really consider himself a rapper since he thinks that’d be disrespectful to actual rappers) + great songwriter/producer + fairly pretty 

like dimensions literally put him on next generation with polaris as the main vocal after he was in dimensions for like less than a month at age 13 i’d hate him too

this marketing has obviously invited antis to call him overrated and point out his flaws and how there’s some idol somewhere who’s better at every single one of his skills !!

made his solo debut at nineteen so that didn’t help with the antis (or his stress levels) either

antis call him an attention seeker.

terrible at fanservice. will not entertain your questions abt marrying him . or most of your questions in general . 

his stans get their parasocial kick from all the sad music he writes and releases and their speculation abt his private life instead

a little edgy in looks and personality (if refusing to speak in group interviews is edgy), some people don’t like that either but he (allegedly) stopped caring

sometimes is forced to speak a lot more when they’re in the us because he knows english . only does it begrudgingly tho !

has been linked to women a few times in dating rumors but they were always denied

so he’s very polarizing ? polaris’s level of fame doesn’t help either

he’s very established as a songwriter/producer, which has earned him some respect and acclaim as a songwriter and producer / “artist” and not just an idol. he’s worked on a lot of polaris’s hits as well as songs for calypso and other solo artists. basically while it’s impossible to shake the idol image when you’re in one of the biggest boy groups of all time, he’s leaned more into the “artist” image as a solo artist. gets some level of respect for being so singularly involved in his own music and has managed to get some fans as a soloist he wouldn’t have had otherwise.

personality

romantic, reckless, independent, idealistic to a fault while also being painfully jaded, and creative

perhaps a little more reckless than he should be as an idol with so many eyes on him and he oscillates between extreme paranoia that prevents him from living his life to complete disregard for his status as a celebrity

like there are definitely blind items abt him on, like, western celeb gossip sites that aren’t a good look for an idol but no one really pays attention to them especially in korea so

pretty damn insecure personally, but more secure in himself professionally since he’s established himself as a respected songwriter/producer and is, you know, Mega Famous. still validates himself on chart success a lot tho rip and does doubt his own abilities and struggles with artistic fulfillment at times

cares deeply for those close to him but isolates himself a lot, so isn’t always the best at showing it

is the kind of person who’s hard to get close to. has been burned and had his privacy invaded countless times before + nowadays it’s hard to tell who talks to him for him and who talks to him for the connections, so he keeps a lot close to his chest and when he does open up, that’s often followed by him becoming even more distant. this is an issue both in friendships and romantic relationships. has had either a very small circle of friends or basically no friends at different points in his life since moving to seoul. even fans call him basically a loner with no friends

depending on the day, his first impression can be kind of cold and quiet? that’s his idol image and he’s very introverted and reserved around strangers.

he’s a workaholic, but only in regards to work he cares about or feels the need to prove himself in. will not be a workaholic for the sake of being productive in an area he could not give two shits about

has been a public figure in some sense since thirteen (when next generation aired) so he’s got some classic child star issues <3

honestly he can be kind of judgmental. one small thing can make him decide not to like or trust a person and it can be hard to change his mind after that

a sad boy who says he just wants to be happy but sure doesn’t act like it !!!

connection ideas

as a Serious and Established^tm producer, ash would love to work on songs for people, even if they don’t get released. dropping by his studio to work on a track is the easiest way to actually socialize with him, so give me people with solo ambitions ash helps out by working on a few tracks for, people ash asks to sing demos for him, people who he helps teach songwriting/producing, other songwriters and producers he respects, etc.

friends? ash is not good at keeping friends, but i’d like him to have some. especially people he might have met outside of a work setting.

romantically, ash has been very messy, especially in more recent times (like mid-2017 to end of 2020)  — a lot of flings, hookups, messy relationships, so he’s open to a few of those kinds of plots. (open to all genders, but generally around his age or older). could have either been incredibly emotionally intense for him or completely lacking in emotional intimacy on his end, likely not a whole lot of in-between because he does not do moderation. could also be people he rejected (may have led them on) because of his emotional hang-ups

people who hate him for all his character flaws or sometimes reckless behavior or are wary of him because of his image or because they encountered messy!ash off the clock

someone who saw next generation when it was airing but didn’t keep up much with polaris so when they met ash they were like ?? this kid actually debuted ??

people he sees as little siblings or mentees that he’s taken under his wing to protect. he doesn’t want the idol industry to eat away at anyone else the way it did to him.

alternatively, older people who watch out for him. he’ll act like he doesn’t need it, but he’ll appreciate it deep down

calypso members.... listen, i don’t have exact ideas necessarily but i headcanon ash has a soft spot for them since they’re his seniors and he’s written some songs for them . like he promos all of their comebacks n maybe is allowed to be a little more openly friendly with them ?? idk just a thought

one of the few friends he trusted enough to confide in in 2020 when he was in a really bad place and re-signed with dimensions. they encouraged him to leave like he wanted to but when he did re-sign he felt ashamed and shut them out and they have like no clue why because they were just being a good friend

alcohol, drugs, substance abuse // ash gave sobriety a try in early 2021 but it didn’t work out. so, someone who he used to be and/or still is messy and drinks / parties (/ worse) with ? could also be someone he had a bad influence on and got them into it yikes . but either way maybe they had a falling out now or support him idk . 

ash is into filmmaking (he’s directed a few music videos) and photography, so people who will be his model / muse for photo shoots or videos that will never see the light of day. or have him be your muse’s insta husband for their artsy insta feed. 

ash spent a lot of his summers there with his mom growing up, so maybe a childhood summer friend he had in australia that he coincidently met again as an idol would be cute ?