𝐚𝐯𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 — heeseung lee oneshot
summary. hooking up with your best friend was convenient at first. you don’t have to go to clubs to find one night stands, you call him and he’ll come right away. you rule was simple: the others can’t know. but as months go by, it was clear this specific rule is slowly hurting the both of you. or instead it opens something new?
pairings. fwb!heeseung x fem!reader
content / warning. fwb to lovers,angst, fluff, slightly toxic, mentions of alcohol + clubbing, suggestive scenes, childhood bestfriend themes, cockwarming, they’re both stupid. reader is way more dumber though (sorry), arguments, mentions of jay, jake (enhypen), beomgyu (txt), yunjin (lesserafim), ryujin (itzy), hee smokes once in one scene, slight manipilation + guilt-tripping, unprotected p in v , mutual masturbation, titplay, fingering, jerking off.
w.c. 16.8k
now playing. available - justin biebier, i like u - niki
“Keep me warm, yeah?”
His room is dim except for the glow of the monitor, the soft clicking of buttons filling the space.
You’re straddling him like it’s nothing new—because it isn’t. It is also not unusual for him to be deep inside you while you’re at it.
Heeseung barely reacts at first, eyes still locked onto the screen, fingers moving like you’re not literally sitting in his lap.
“Hee..” You whine, hips grinding involuntarily despite his words earlier telling you not to move.
“Hold on,” he mutters, focused. “One round.”
You tilt your head, watching him instead of the game, how can this man act normally when he’s so deep inside you?
“‘One round’ like the last three times?”
No answer—just a quiet hm under his breath when something doesn’t distract him.
He felt you clench around him making him exhales sharply, dropping his head back against the chair.
“Fuck—Y/N, baby, stop that, I won’t last.” He groans againts your temple. You can’t help it, the stretch is so good and you can literally feel every vein of his.
You give up, groaning softly as you relax and rest your cheek on his chest while he whistles in victory.
“Good girl, we just did it an hour ago. Just relax on me while I game, yeah?” He huff while his fingers work on the keyboard, turning his head slightly to mouth your temple.
“You got the text about Jay’s birthday party?” You ask suddenly, in which he hums. “Tonight,”
“Get dressed, we’ll go together.” His legs moved the chair to give you space to get up, he pats your hip.
Your thighs shake as you got up, his now-soft length pulls out. He let out a groan.
The sudden wave of cold air hitting your bare privates made the both of you wince and hiss, before looking into each other’s eyes with a soft laugh.
“You still have that outfit in my closet—from two nights ago,” he says. “Go put it on.”
You blink, trying to place which one he means.
“The black one,” he adds, a slow smirk forming. “The one I like, though it was so hard to take off.”
Once you’re both ready, the room feels different—like everything that was chaotic before has been tightened into something deliberate.
Your hair is pulled up neatly, a few soft strands framing your face, and your makeup is done just right—clean, sharp, but still natural enough to make it look effortless. You catch your reflection and adjust your outfit one last time, smoothing it down even though it doesn’t need it.
When you step out, Heeseung looks up—and actually pauses for a second.
Not dramatic. Just… still.
His eyes scan you slowly, like he’s making sure he’s seeing it right.
“…yeah,” he mutters under his breath, more to himself than you.
You raise a brow. “What?”
He shakes it off like he didn’t just stare a little too long.
“Nothing. Let’s go.”
But as you walk past him, he lightly taps your hip—casual, almost absentminded—but his hand lingers just long enough to make it feel intentional before he grabs his keys.
The air between you feels charged in that quiet, familiar way again.
Outside, the night is cooler. The streetlights glow faintly against the pavement as you both head to his car. He unlocks it and opens the passenger door for you without saying much, like it’s automatic by now.
Once you’re inside, he shuts the door and circles around to the driver’s side.
He gets in and starts the engine, and finally glances at you properly again—like he’s still taking you in.
Then he looks away, gripping the steering wheel a little tighter than necessary.
The city lights smear across the windshield as the car moves through traffic, music from outside faint but still pulsing through the windows.
He drives like he always does—calm, one hand on the wheel, the other resting loosely near the gear shift.
Too close. Always too close.
You glance at him once, then look away.
“Hey,” you say.
“Yeah?”
Your voice drops a little. “Remember. Not too touchy tonight. It’s better to have no contact at all.”
He doesn’t look at you right away. Just tilts his head slightly, like he’s considering it.
“I’m not too touchy,” he says after a beat.
You turn your head.
“Last time you literally—”
“I fixed your strap,” he interrupts smoothly, eyes still on the road.
You pause.
“That’s not—”
“It was falling. You don’t want to flash everyone in the club.”
You exhale, looking forward again, unimpressed. “That’s not the point, Hee. They gave me a suspecting look and it weirded me out. It’s uncomfortable.”
A short silence settles.
Then you add, quieter, “And don’t call me baby in front of them. Or any other stupid petnames you always do.”
That time, his fingers tap once on the steering wheel. Slow.
He glances at you briefly, then back to the road.
“…you’re serious.”
“They’re gonna question it. And! we’re not a couple.”
Another beat.
The car moves under green lights, steady. Then he says, almost casually, “You’re fine with everything else though?”
You don’t answer immediately.
Your grip tightens slightly in your lap.
“That’s not what I meant.”
He hums under his breath, like he doesn’t fully agree, but he doesn’t push it either.
Instead, he just nods once. “Alright.”
But the air in the car shifts anyway.
Being with him like this feels… normal. Almost annoyingly so. And when you have talks like these, reminding him about your rules, it’ll always ruin the mood a little.
Years of knowing each other—childhood friends first, then somewhere in college it blurred, then now in adulthood it’s become this unspoken thing neither of you really defines out loud.
It’s easier that way.
At least, that’s what everyone else thinks.
To your friend group, you’re just the two who are always together. The ones who naturally drift toward each other in every room, every gathering, every late-night decision.
No one questions it.
No one looks twice.
No one knows that almost after every hangout, you both head to his or your apartment—making each other feel good.
“It’s like they’re choosing a club so far away on purpose.” He clicks his tongue, looking at the Maps app.
You look at the scenery outside, the night sky, other cars passing by. You’re grateful he changed the topic.
Almost 20 minutes later, we’ve finally arived to an unfamiliar club, picked by Jay and the others.
Heeseung parked the car, cutting the engine and turning to look at you. He didn't make a move to let go of your hand, his grip still firm as he looked you over silently for a moment.
"You ready?" He asked, a hint of a smirk on his lips—an attempt at humor to hide the worry in his eyes. You nod, and both of you got out of the car and walked towards the entrance.
“No petnames, no touches.” You remind him.
Heeseung paused at that, his expression almost comically annoyed as he stared at you for a long moment. A low huff of breath left him as he ran a hand through his hair, muttering under his breath.
"Damnit." he said, the word low and almost petulant. "I was looking forward to you clinging to me all night like a damn koala."
“What are you talking about, you silly.” You flick his bicep, “I’m not your girlfriend and we’re not some—couple to be so…PDA-ish.”
Heeseung's smirk vanished instantly, replaced with something that looked dangerously close to hurt for half a second before he schooled his expression back into nonchalance. He rubbed the spot you flicked with an exaggerated wince.
"Ow." he muttered—too sharp to be just about the flick. "You're right. We're not."
A pause as he met your eyes again, his tone deliberately light: "Guess I'll have fun flirting with someone else then."
Heeseung didn't say anything as you scoffed at him, simply following you into the club. He kept his hands in his pockets now, keeping a comfortable distance between you as the other members came into view.
"About goddamn time." Jay's voice cut through the low thrum of music as he noticed you both, his usual smug smirk in place. "Almost thought you two were ditching."
“Who the hell chooses the club? Why is it all the way downtown?” Heeseung grumbles as he took the glass Jake offered as soon as you both went to the group’s booth.
Your friends, the two guys and one more, Beomgyu and two girls, Yunjin and Ryujin is already there.
Yunjin smiles at the both of you before hugging you, talking about missing you the whole day even when she saw you two days ago during a hangout while Ryujin laughs.
Your friendgroup was formed during college, Heeseung was friends with Jay and Jake first, and then later on was introduced to Beomgyu which knew Yunjin and Ryujin.
Heeseung introduced all of them to you, he knew you’re someone reserved and doesn’t need to be in big friendgroups to have a great college life, and you’re content with just having Heeseung as your bestfriend.
However, he promised you these people are worth to be friends with. Real people with real feelings. No drama—just a couple of friends who are always up to weekend getaways and party nights.
Sitting beside the girls, Heeseung sat a few meters away from you, his gaze darting over to you every now and then as the night went on. He was uncharacteristically quiet—only throwing out sarcastic comments now and again while the others chattered.
He was trying so hard not to look at you it was almost funny, his jaw still clenched, teeth grinding slightly.
However, you’re completely unaware how much you’re hurting him right now.
It was a little after a few hours of drinking that everyone was starting to get a bit tipsy. The others were all laughing and chatting, getting rowdier as the alcohol started to go to their heads.
Heeseung, however, remained sitting quietly in his corner of the booth, his gaze never straying far from you. His expression was almost brooding as he sipped at his beer—a stark contrast to the overall atmosphere of the group.
“Hey guys, the birthday boy has a suggestion!” Jake laughs as Jay stands up, clearly too tipsy for his well-being. “Alright, friends.”
He looks around, before turning to us again. “The single ones, tonight everyone needs to get laid.” The others are already chiming in with excited replies.
In the group, only Jake has a girlfriend, someone who’s not in our friendgroup. You saw her a few times during hangouts where he’d bring her but she’s not here tonight.
“Hell yes.” Yunjin cheers, “Gotta find someone to make out with tonight!” The others join, yelling about not wanting to go home tonight or, having their protections ready.
“Wait, so we’re seperating?” You ask and the group’s eyes turn back to you, a chorus of agreeing nods and reassurances greeting you.
“Duh,” Jay smirks. “It’s the perfect time to pick up some cuties, right, Heeseung?” He looks at the man who has been silent since the conversation started.
He looks at you, before looking away, “Yeah, plenty on the dance floor.”
Jake looks at you, “I’ll leave early then, what about you, Y/N?”
I turn to the girls. “Seriously?”
Ryujin shakes her head, gaze going to the crowded dance floor. “There are some fine ass guys here. No way I’m gonna glued to your side all night.” She laughs.
You groan at that, watching everyone slowly leaves the booth.
Everyone except one person.
Heeseung sets his drink on the table and smirks at you, voice soft but clear despite the loud music of the club.
“Guess that leaves just you and me, princess?” He murmur, leaning back againts the booth and spreading his arms across the back of the couch. “You’re gonna keep me company all night?”
“Heeseung, no petnames.”
Hisa smirk faltered for half a second—just long enough to betray the sting of your words. His jaw tightened as he pulled his arms back, resting them on the table instead.
"Right." he muttered, tone clipped. "Y/N."
The way he said it was too formal now—almost cold. He took another sip of beer before adding, "Guess I'll just sit here alone then since you don't want anything to do with me either."
You frown, “I didn’t say that.”
A scoff escaped Heeseung's lips at that—something between a huff of irritation and a laugh.
"Could've fooled me." He mutter, running a hand through his hair. "You've been keeping your distance all goddamn night, avoiding even looking at me."
“Well, the others are around. And that’s our rule?”
He rolled his eyes at that, a sharp scoff cutting through the air. His expression is hard, almost cold.
“Like they care, Y/N.” He replies sharply, “They’re grown adults and they know we’re friends since we’re ten. A little closeness wouldn’t make them go crazy.”
You sigh, “But—”
Heeseung cut you off with a sharp, frustrated gesture of his hand.
"But what?" he bit out, voice low and rough—almost pleading now. "You're acting like I'm some dirty secret. Like this is something to be ashamed of."
A pause as he ran a hand over his face before muttering: "Just tell me what the hell you want from me."
“…You know they make a big deal once there’s a couple in the friendgroup.” You look down.
Heeseung let out a dry, brittle laugh at that, almost bitter. "Yeah. Just like you make a big deal out of me saying goddamn petnames."
He leaned back in the booth, fixing you with a dark gaze. "What's it matter? Are you embarrassed of me or something?"
You look at him, “What? Of course not!”
Heeseung's jaw tightened at that, his grip on the beer bottle turning white-knuckled again. He stared at you for a long moment—silent, calculating.
"Then why?" he finally bit out, "You act like I'm some secret to hide. Like this isn't real."
A pause as he shook his head slightly. "Fuck it. Forget I said anything."
You stood up, taking his hand. “Whatever, let’s dance.”
Heeseung's eyes widened in surprise for a half-second. His gaze flickered down to where you held his hand, something like hope flickering across his face—almost too brief to catch. He let you pull him up from the booth, but his grip tightened on your hand as he looked at you, almost uncertain.
"You're not just doing this to shut me up, are you?" he asks, voice gruff.
You didn’t reply as you drag him. Heeseung let you lead him to the dancefloor, his eyes never leaving you as you moved through the crowd. The music was low and sensual—perfect for the kind of dancing that required touch.
He placed a hand on your hip—hesitating for a moment before pulling you flush against him, chest-to-chest. His hand stayed there, grip firm and possessive.
He lets out a soft hum, his hands moving slowly to feel your back. Your breath hitch, as your fronts kept brushing while you sway to the music.
But you can’t let anyone see this.
“Heeseung, I said dance—“ Your palms softly againts his chest to push him away. “Y/N, it’s just one dance.” He looks into your eyes, pleading now.
“No. Don’t be too close, Hee. The others are going to see.” You say, and that made him snap.
Heeseung exhaled sharply through his nose, frustration flashing across his face as he finally let go of your hip—hands raising in mock surrender.
"Fine." he bit out, stepping back just enough to put space between you two. His jaw was still clenched tight though, eyes burning with something unreadable. "You want distance? You got it. I’m done.”
He took another step back into the crowd—letting the bodies around them swallow him up until all you could see was a flash of dark hair and tense shoulders before he disappeared entirely.
You know you didn’t just pushed him away physically, but mentally as well.
“…Fuck.” You mutter to yourself as you try to get away from the crowd.
You wove your way through the people, trying to weave through the packed club. The music was loud and crowded—flashing lights and hot bodies everywhere.
You stumbled around another group of people, muttering under your breath as you tried to search for any sign of Heeseung. "Dammit." you cursed under your breath, "Where did that idiot disappear to…"
Your gaze flickered over the crowd—searching the sea of bodies for a familiar head of dark hair. You weaved through the people, cursing under your breath as each passing face proved just how hard it was to find someone in a club this packed.
"Damn it." you mutter again, frustration growing as the minutes ticked on. Where the hell was he?
You give up on searching and just sit back down on the empty large couch that was full with your friends earlier.
“Guess I’m the solo one tonight.” You sigh, taking a sip “By choice.”
And stupidity.
You slumped back into the booth, a sense of defeat washing over you as you realized how alone you were now. Everyone was off in pairs or in groups—and you were stranded in the booth on your own.
Your thoughts kept wandering back to Heeseung—the way he'd looked at you before he stormed off, the way his touch seared against your hips—but you pushed it aside, telling yourself to forget about him for now.
The feeling of being lonely in the club was something you were all too familiar with. Your friends were off with whoever they were hooking up with for the night, while you were left behind, alone in the booth like some third-wheel.
The sense of isolation was crushing. The music was too loud, the lights were too bright, and the people were too drunk. You felt completely alone in the chaos of it all.
However, usually Heeseung would come sit next to you, quickly coming out with conversations that’d make you forget being sad and laugh.
That’s how your best friend would usually come during times like these.
Yeah, your best friend.
Who also is your fuck-buddy. Who isn’t exclusively yours and you always try to stay aware of that fact.
The minutes ticked by like hours, and you sat there in the booth, nursing your drink as you watched the crowd around you. Everywhere you looked, people were dancing together, touching each other, having a good time…while you were stuck sitting there, alone. It was like a cruel reminder of how singled out you were in the club.
You pushed yourself up from the booth and made your way through the crowd, heading towards the washroom. Finally, some solitude.
You pushed the door open and slipped inside, the sound of the music muted now as the door swung shut behind you. The washroom was mercifully empty, and you let out a sigh of relief as you leaned against the sink.
You went out a few minutes after and you caught sight of a couple—pressed up against a wall, all over each other. The man's lips was pressed against the woman's as they kissed, hands roaming over each other and—wait.
His face was familiar, even from this distance. You recognized that face. Heeseung?
Your best friend?
“…Wow.” You mutter softly to yourself as you walk away.
It was definitely him. There was no mistaking that face—the sharp jawline, the dark eyes, the defined features. That was unmistakably Heeseung. He was making out with some random girl in the corner.
Your stomach churned with something you refused to identify as jealousy. You looked away, trying to push down the bitter feeling in your chest.
“I deserved this. I was pushing him away all night.” You sigh as you slumped back into the booth, your earlier frustration giving way to something heavier—something that felt a lot like regret.
The club was still loud, still chaotic around you, but it all faded into background noise as you replayed every stupid thing you'd said to Heeseung in your head.
“Fuck." you muttered under your breath, "I really messed this up."
The bitter taste of the drink on your tongue did nothing to distract from the gnawing guilt in your chest.
You sat in the booth for what felt like ages, wallowing in the realization that it was entirely your fault. You'd spent all night pushing Heeseung away—reacting coldly to his touch, distancing yourself from him as much as possible. And now look where that got you.
The image of him, kissing the girl was stuck in your head like a broken record. You couldn't stop thinking about it—replaying it over and over like some kind of sick punishment.
The guilt was eating you up inside, twisting your stomach in knots. You'd been so hellbent on keeping Heeseung at arm's length, and now look where it got you.
He was off making out with someone else while you sat alone in the booth like a goddamn idiot.
“His dick was literally in me hours ago.”
Your own words hit you like a punch to the gut, sharp and brutal.
You have always been in love with him. Like—how can you not? But in college, you both agreed only to have sex, feel good, and that’s it. Other than that? He’s your best friend.
The lines were blurry sometimes? But Heeseung’s careless. You need to be the one who’s keeping the both of you in check. Reminding it’s all casual.
Or is it?
"Fuck.” You dropped your head into your hands, nails digging into your scalp as if it could physically tear the thought out of you. "I really am an idiot."
The thought of him touching her the way he’d touched you—hands sliding over skin, lips pressed to throat, voice rough in her ear—made your chest burn with something dangerously close to rage. And worse? The fact that he probably didn’t even give a shit about what you wanted anymore.
"I did this."you muttered into your palms, "I fucking pushed him until there was nothing left for me."
A bitter laugh escaped you as the truth settled in like poison: “Guess I got exactly what I asked for."
Your fingers fumbled slightly as you pulled out your phone, scrolling through the app with stiff movements. The club lights were too bright now—too loud, too much.
"Cab in 5 minutes," you muttered to yourself, shoving the phone back into your pocket. You didn’t even bother looking for anyone else in the group—let them stay gone.
The thought of Heeseung stumbling back to an empty booth later crossed your mind…but you crushed it underfoot as you grabbed your jacket and stood up.
You walked towards the exit, shoulders slumped and head down. The cool air of the night enveloped you, like a cold slap to the face—grounding you in a way the stuffy air of the club couldn't. You shoved your hands in your pockets, jaw clenched as you stood outside, waiting for the cab.
The wait felt endless, each second like torture as your thoughts spiraled. You couldn't stop thinking about the look on Heeseung's face when you'd pushed him away—the flash of disappointment, mixed with frustration.
What an idiot you were. You'd had it all, right there, and you let it slip through your fingers like it meant nothing. The guilt gnawed at your stomach, sharp and bitter.
Your thoughts were a mess of images—Heeseung, his touch, the way his voice sounded when he'd said your name.
A bright light suddenly cut through the dark night, jolting you out of your thoughts as a cab pulled up in front of you. The driver called out, asking for a location. You hesitated for a moment, your gaze flicking back towards the entrance of the club—as if for some kind of sign.
But there was nothing waiting for you there. Just the loud music and the flashing lights of the club.
You took a deep breath, pushing aside the ache in your heart as you gave the driver your address.
The cab ride was long—longer than it normally would have felt. You watched the city pass by outside the window—all the people on the street, all the bright lights, all the couples laughing and touching each other. Everything that was out of reach for you now.
Your phone buzzed in your pocket, making you jump a little. You fumbled for a moment, clumsily pulling it out and tapping the screen awake. The sudden light of the screen stung your eyes—blindingly bright after the darkness of the cab.
Your heart skipped a beat when you saw the name on the screen. It was a text from Heeseung.
hee: where the hell are you?
You stare at the message, your heart pounding. Your thumb hover over it, half-tempted to ignore it all together. But damn it, you can’t resist. You type your reply.
you: on my way home.
The reply was almost instant. Your heart gave another painful squeeze, but you couldn't help the little flicker of hope that flared in your chest. Goddamn it all.
hee: alone??
you: everyone’s busy. don’t wanna disturb.
The reply was slower this time—as if he was debating his response. The 'typing' dots appeared and disappeared a few times before Heeseung finally sent the message. You stared at the screen, almost holding your breath as you waited for his next text.
hee: can i call?
you: the driver is a woman, you don’t have to.
Another pause, and then the call notification flashed across your screen. You hesitated for only a moment more before accepting. You put the phone to your ear, heart in your throat.
Heeseung's voice came through the line, low and hoarse. God, those damn chills it sent down your spine should be illegal.
"You left." he said, a note of something almost like hurt edging into the words. It was so subtle, you almost missed it.
“Said you don’t have to call, I’m safe.”
There was a pause on the other end of the line, as if Heeseung was debating whether to say something or not. When he finally spoke again, the words came out sharp and frustrated.
"Damnit, I don't care if you're safe." he muttered, his voice laced with something like irritation and something else you couldn't quite name. "That's not the goddamn point."
You frown, “You don’t care..?”
He sighed, and it came out more like a ragged huff. "I didn't mean it like that, goddamn it. You just—" He broke off, his tone taking on a frustrated edge as he continued.
"You left without saying anything. Didn't even send a goddamn text. Do you have any idea how worried I was?"
“…You were busy.”
There was an incredulous sound on the other end of the line—like Heeseung had just rolled his eyes or something. When he spoke again, there was a hint of bitterness in his voice.
"So? That doesn't matter. I'd never be too busy for you." he grumbled, a note of something like annoyance—or was that hurt?—coloring his words.
"You know that. You could've at least let me know you were leaving. You just disappeared, without a goddamn word."
“Well? With the way I’m alone the whole time and everyone is sucking other people’s lips? Of course.”
Heeseung's response came almost immediately, sharp and biting—a hint of something almost like anger in his voice now.
“You think I wanted this? You think I wanted to spend the night like that? You're the one who kept pushing me away all night. What the hell did you expect." he snapped, the words coming out harsh and frustrated.
"You were so goddamn cold all night—did you really expect me not to go find someone else to keep me distracted?"
“I told you we have to be discreet—“
Heeseung cut you off before you could finish, his voice rising as irritation flared in his tone.
"Yeah, I know. You told me. But damn, was it so goddamn hard to give me a bit of attention? Even a little touch? You acted like you didn't want me near you at all. What the hell was I supposed to do?"
He was definitely angry now—the words coming out harsh and sharp. You could hear him breathing heavily on the other end of the line, like he was trying to control his own emotions.
"You wanted me to act like a friend? That's what you wanted? To push me away anytime I tried to get close? To act like we're nothing more than friends? Fine, I did what you wanted. I acted like I didn't care. Like you don't mean anything to me. That's the whole damn point, isn't it?"
His voice dropped dangerously low at that, sharp and bitter.
"You think I don't know what you want? You think I don’t see it?" A rough exhale came through the phone—almost a growl. “I just spent half the night watching you act like you didn’t even want me to breathe in your direction. So yeah. Maybe I got tired of playing by your goddamn rules."
A pause as his tone shifted slightly—something almost wounded seeping into his next words:
"But sure. Let's pretend this is all on me."
You were speechless, the words cutting into you like a damn knife. Because as angry as he sounded, he wasn't even wrong.
You'd given him the cold shoulder all night, pushing him away again and again—and now you were going to act offended when he went and found someone else to give him the attention you refused him? It was a gut-wrenching realization.
His breathing was ragged on the other end of the line—like he was struggling to keep his voice even. When he finally spoke again, it came out low and rough.
“You really don't get it, do you?" A bitter chuckle. "I didn’t go with her because I wanted to. I did it because you kept pushing me away until there wasn't a goddamn thing left for me."
A sharp inhale—almost pained. "But yeah. Sure. Let's act like this is all my fault."
You sigh, “It’s not your fault, Hee—”
He huffed, the sound sharp and bitter.
"Damn straight it's not my fault. It's yours. You're the one who wanted to keep this a goddamn secret. You're the one who wanted to act like we were just friends."
He let out a low scoff. "Don't get pissed at me for finding someone who wanted to give me the attention you refused to."
The words stung, more brutally than you wanted to admit. Because part of you knew he was right. You'd been the one to set the rules—set the boundaries.
You'd pushed him away every time he got close, every time he touched you, every time he got too intimate.
And now you had the audacity to get pissed off when he finally got tired of the game and found someone else? It was a bitter pill to swallow.
In public, the only time you want to be all touchy feely with someone is when it’s exclusive. When it’s established. Not some hookup, or a fuck-buddy. Even when it’s your best friend. Even when it’s Heeseung.
You start to feel your tension increase as well, “Is this why you called? To bitch at me?”
His huff of irritation was almost a snarl. "No. I called because I was goddamn worried. But then you started this bullshit. You really gonna act like you're the victim here?" He scoffed, his voice taking on a bitter edge. "You've been cold all night, pushing me away every time I tried to touch you. You can't blame me for finding someone else to give me some goddamn affection."
The words felt like a punch to your gut. Because goddamn it, how did this get twisted so much? Hadn't you been trying to do the right thing? To keep things casual, to keep things secret?
But now it felt like you were the bad guy. The one who drove him into another girl's arms. The guilt twisted in your chest, the realization that your rules had backfired coming down on you like a ton of bricks.
“It was mutually agreed in the first place, we keep it from our friends.” You say, tone no nonsense.
He cut you off with a sharp, frustrated sound—almost like he couldn't even believe what he was hearing.
"You really don’t get it. Do you?" His voice dropped to something low and rough—dangerous. "I don’t give a shit about the secret. I care that you act like I'm some dirty little mistake even when we're alone."
A pause as his breathing hitched slightly. "So yeah. Maybe I went looking for someone who won't make me feel like garbage.”
Once he noticed the silence on your end of the line, and he let out a dry laugh—the sound sharp and almost cruel.
"What? Nothing to say now? No explanation for why you've been treating me like I don't even exist all goddamn night?" he muttered, the frustration and hurt coming through in his tone. "Go ahead. Say something. Tell me this isn't all on me. You know you want to."
You were done, you didn’t want to talk anymore as you feel your emotions are starting to get over you, “Don’t you have a girl waiting for you? Hang up.”
Heeseung's laugh this time was bitter—almost angry. He was getting pissed now—angry at you, at the whole damn situation, at himself for even caring so much.
He wanted to snap back, to say something cutting and cruel—to hurt you as much as you hurt him. But instead, he forced himself to take a deep breath, his voice coming out low and hoarse
"Yeah. I do have a girl waiting for me. So why the hell am I even still talking to you?" he muttered, irritation edging into the words.
“Don’t be surprised when I’m not there to wait for you anymore. With the others around or not.”
That was the last thing he said before hanging up.
The tears stung in your eyes as the dial tone cut through the air, the silence in the cab suddenly feeling heavy and oppressive.
You tried to push away the feeling of guilt twisting in your gut, the realization that all of this was your damn fault hitting you like a ton of bricks.
You'd pushed him away, pushed him to look for comfort elsewhere, and now he'd gone and found it. In someone else's arms, someone who was probably giving him the affection you refused to give him all night.
A bitter laugh escaped your lips. Heeseung was right—you hadn't even given him a goddamn explanation for treating him like a dirty secret. You'd just expected him to accept it, to put up with being treated like a mistake you couldn't let anyone find about.
But he wasn't just some goddamn mistake. He was your best goddamn friend, the one person who mattered more to you than anyone else.
And you were treating him like he was nothing more than a dirty little secret to be kept hidden away in the shadows. How goddamn stupid were you?
The tears came even harder now—hot and fast, the weight of guilt and regret crashing over you like a goddamn wave. You'd messed up. And not just a little bit—you'd royally screwed up. You'd pushed away the one person who meant more to you than anything else—all because of your stupid fear of people finding out.
So there you were, sitting in the backseat of a damn cab, crying like a fool over the man you'd driven into another girl's arms.
The image of him with the girl burned in your mind—his hands touching her like they should've been touching you, his head bent close to hers like it should've been bent down to whisper in your ear instead.
You wanted to scream, to turn back time and undo every goddamn stupid choice that led to this moment. Because right now, all you wanted was for him to be there with you—not in someone else's arms.
The last few days had been hell. The image of Heeseung with that girl kept replaying in your damn head like a broken record—the guilt twisting in your gut every time you thought about it.
You'd tried to keep yourself occupied, to throw yourself into work, into anything that would get your mind off of him. But no matter what you did, all you could think about was him. His smile, his laugh, the sound of his voice, the way his hands felt against your skin.
You stayed away from the friend group as best as you could, giving excuse after excuse about why you couldn't hang out.
"I've got meetings this week." "There's a new project I'm helping out on." "Sorry, I can't come out tonight—I'm too swamped with paperwork." A hundred different bullshit reasons, all avoiding the goddamn truth.
The days bled together—same excuses, same routine. You’d show up to the hospital early, leave late, avoid any group texts with a million replies you didn’t have energy for.
And if anyone noticed how quiet you'd gotten? How your eyes kept darting toward the door like some part of you was still waiting for him?
No one called it out.
At least until Yunjin herself comes to your workplace, bringing you out for a lunch break.
She appeared in the doorway of your office, arms crossed and an eyebrow raised. The look on her face was a mix of concern and stubbornness—the kind that said she wasn't leaving without you.
"Okay, what the hell is going on?" she demanded, "You've been dodging us for days. And don't even try to feed me that 'workload' bullshit—I know damn well you're not scheduled for anything, I’m literally in a department next to yours."
Her gaze softened slightly as she took in your tired expression. "C'mon, Y/N. Let's go eat something before I drag you out by force."
You felt like passing out. You can’t believe Yunjin Huh—the manager of the HR department, going all the way to the Finance department for something as personal as a friendgroup problem during working hours.
You continue looking at your computer screen because there’s just no way.
Yunjin scoffed, her arms dropping to her sides as she shot you a look that said "seriously?" She rolled her eyes and pushed off the doorframe, striding into your office without a care for personal space.
"Alright, that's it. No bullshit excuses. You're coming with me, even if I have to drag you out by the ear." she said, her voice leaving no room for argument.
“How the hell did you get in here without work business?” You question, looking at her.
Yunjin shrugged, a sly smirk crossing her face. "Please. I’m the boss’s favourite" she jokes.
She paused, taking in your tired, distracted state. Her expression softened slightly—almost like she knew exactly what was going on. “And stop trying to change the subject. You're coming with me. Period."
Yunjin led the way to the cafe, her expression determined. The cafe was packed with hospital staff, the place buzzing with the usual lunchtime rush. She weaved her way through the crowd effortlessly, finding an empty table near the window.
She plopped into the chair across from you, her eyes scanning your face intently. "Okay. Spill. What the hell is going on? And don't give me any of that bullshit."
You sigh as you lean back.
Yunjin raised an eyebrow, watching you closely as you sighed.
She knew something was up—your expression, your demeanor, the fact that you'd been avoiding the friend group like the damn plague. She leaned forward, her voice softening slightly.
“C'mon, Y/N. You can tell me. You know that. Is this about Heeseung?"
Your gaze snap at her. “How..”
Yunjin rolled her eyes, a small smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth. "Don't act surprised, okay? You two aren't exactly subtle."
Her gaze softened as she took in your expression—the way your eyes flicked away, the way you avoided looking directly at her, the guilt etched into every line on your face.
"Besides, you've been avoiding the friend group for like, a week now. We're not idiots, you know."
You keep quiet. Not knowing what to answer to that.
Yunjin sighed, her expression softening further as she reached across the table and touched your hand.
Her touch was light, but it was grounding—a reminder that she was there, that she cared.
“Hey. Talk to me. What happened between you and Heeseung?“
You look at her. And then your hands together.
“We’ve been sleeping together…all this time.” You reveal to her.
Yunjin's eyes widened at your confession. She hadn't been expecting such a blunt answer and it took her a moment to process what you'd said.
But she was a smart girl, and it didn't take her long to fit the pieces together.
The late nights, the secret text messages, the tension between you and Heeseung… It all made sense now. She leaned back in her chair, her expression a mix of surprise and understanding.
"You've been hooking up the whole time? Since when?”
“Final year.“ You nodded. “And..we didn’t plan on telling you guys because, it was physical. We’re best friends. That’s all. Nothing exclusive.”
Yunjin let out a slow breath, her gaze never leaving yours.
The cafe noise faded into background static as she studied your face—the exhaustion in your eyes, the tension in your jaw. “Y/N.” Her voice was quieter now—less teasing, more serious.
"You don't get to call something 'physical' when you're crying over it for days straight."
A pause as she leaned forward slightly, “So tell me. What's really going on?"
You hesitate before answering.
“I made rules when we were still hooking up, to never show it when you guys are around. But, I was so anxious that you’re gonna caught us, so I just decided to push him away all together. Acting like if he’s too close I’ll burn.” You chuckle, but it didn’t reach my eyes.
“I know what we had was casual, and strictly no feelings involved. We were friends the longest in the friendgroup, so I never wanted to ruin that. And…” You look down, your free hand fumbling.
“And?” Yunjin urges.
“And I freaking like him. I’m in love with him. I think I already did during highschool. And now with intimacy involved? It’s…insane.”
Yunjin nodded—like she'd already guessed as much.
She'd seen the way you looked at Heeseung, seen the chemistry between the two of you. It was obvious to anyone with eyes.
"And he likes you, idiot. Any moron could see that."
Your eyes went to her, before shaking your head.
“Even if that’s true, we still did everything out of order. In what world that can work? And what will the others think?
She snorted, reaching across the table to flick your forehead lightly. "Who cares about 'order'? Since when do you give a shit about what anyone thinks?"
She leaned in, her voice lowering as she fixed you with a dead-serious look. "Heeseung's been obsessed with you for years. And yeah—maybe it started as casual. But that doesn't mean it can't be something more."
A smirk tugged at her lips. "Unless you're too chicken to try."
You huff, “Yunjin, I’m serious!”
She raised an eyebrow, her smirk growing wider. She was enjoying this a bit too much now—the way your face got all worked up, the way you tried so damn hard to be calm and composed…
She leaned in, resting her chin on her hand—still smirking like a smartass. "Yeah? Then what's the problem? If you like each other, just be together. Seems like a no-brainer to me."
“…And if we don’t work? I’m risking my best friend here.” Your lips tremble.
Yunjin's smirk vanished. Her expression shifted—suddenly serious, her eyes sharp as she studied you.
"That's bullshit and you know it." She pointed a finger at your face. "Heeseung isn't the type to throw away years of friendship over one messy breakup. And neither are you."
A pause as she crossed her arms, "But fine—if that's really what scares you? Then tell him how you feel before things go any further. No more hiding behind 'casual' crap when we both know damn well this is more than that for both of ya."
“Easier said than done.”
She rolled her eyes, exasperated now. "Nothing worth doing ever is, idiot. This isn't a Disney movie where everything turns out perfect."
She leaned back in her chair, a sigh escaping her as she ran a hand through her hair. "Look—I get it. It's risky, it's scary…but you're not doing yourself any favor by keeping your mouth shut. You want Heeseung, right?"
You took a deep breath, before nodding.
Yunjin nodded too, her gaze steady on yours.
"Then you gotta take a damn chance" she said firmly.
"Tell him how you feel. Make it clear. Because if you don't, you'll be spending the next who-knows-how-long wondering 'what if' every goddamn time you see him with someone else."
You tilt your head in confusion, “You know about the girl?”
Yunjin rolled her eyes again, scoffing. "Of course I know. You think we're all blind, dumbass?"
She paused, her gaze still locked onto yours. "Heeseung's been weird all week—edgy, short-tempered. None of us are that stupid to not put two and two together. We've been friends with him just as long as you have, you know. We know when he's acting off."
She leaned forward again, her expression turning serious again.
“And even if none of us knew, we aren't blind enough to miss how you've been avoiding everyone like the goddamn plague. Do you have any idea how shitty it feels to see our friend, someone we care about, acting like we don't exist, just because they're too scared to talk about a boy?"
She shook her head, her voice tinged with frustration now. “So yes. I know about the girl. And it's pissing me off to see you let it go down this way."
“A boy who’s also in the same friendgroup as you and can literally make things awkward once we date each other.”
Yunjin rolled her eyes yet again, her expression going fond despite herself. “Regardless, he’s a friend who's head over heels for you. You really think we don't see it? The tension between the two of you? The looks, the stolen touches during hangouts, the way his eyes follow you around like some goddamn lost puppy…?"
She paused, shaking her head as she leaned back in her chair. “Hell, even the way he talks about you when you're not around…it's sickeningly sweet."
Your gaze drop again, “That night, we argued. After I push him away, he just stopped fighting back. We…we never really argued like that before, you know?”
Yunjin's expression softened as she took in your demeanor—the way you were avoiding her gaze, staring down at your hands like your whole damn world was falling apart.
She reached across the table, her voice quieter now, more gentle. "Hey… Look at me.”
"Arguing means you care." Her voice dropped lower—almost fierce now. “You think Jake and his girl never fight? They fight a lot during our hangouts, even sometimes she left without him. It’s hilarious.”
A pause as she leaned in closer, “But the next time we see them? They’re closer than ever.”
Yunjin's grip on your wrist tightened slightly—not enough to hurt, but enough to make you look at her. Her expression was dead serious now.
"Listen to me." Her voice was low, firm.
"Heeseung is a goddamn idiot for letting things go that far with some random girl when it's you he wants. But if you're really this scared?"
She let out a slow breath before continuing,
"Then go talk to him before this gets any more messed up. Or I swear to god, I'll drag both of you into a closet and lock the door until one of ya says something real."
You chuckle, before shaking your head.
“No need, I’ll…try to call him today.” You smile at her, in which she smiled back.
Yunjin's smirk returned, sharp and victorious.
"Good. Because I will follow through on that threat."
She leaned back in her chair, arms crossed—looking way too smug for someone who just basically blackmailed you into fixing your love life. "And if he picks up? Don't be a coward about it. Just say what you mean."
A pause as she pointed a warning finger at you, "Or I will find out…and then we're having another talk."
A few hours had passed since lunch, and the moon was up high in the sky when you finally worked up the courage—your finger hovering over the call button.
Heeseung's contact stared up at you from the screen, the profile picture a stupid picture of him making a funny face. As the phone rang, your heart thudded in your chest.
Each second felt like forever as the call rang once, twice…and then, finally—on the third ring, Heeseung's voice came through the other end of the line.
"Hello?" His voice was casual, almost distant, like he didn't have a clue what you were calling for.
“…Hi. It’s me.” You say quietly.
There was a pause, a beat of silence on his end—then his voice came through again, lower now, a tinge of hesitancy in the words.
"Hey." The single word was quiet, an uncertain exhale. It sounded like he couldn't tell if you were calling to talk or to yell at him again. The thought sent a pang through you—the same guilt you'd had ever since that goddamn argument with him.
You hummed.
Heeseung exhaled on the other end of the line, almost like he was bracing himself. "Spit it out. I know you didn't call just to say uhm."
His tone wasn’t harsh—just tired, a little rough around the edges. Like maybe he hadn't slept well since that night either.
“…Could you pick me up tonight after work? At 11.”
Heeseung went quiet for a moment, clearly surprised by your request.
You could almost hear his brain working, trying to guess what the hell you were up to.
But eventually, he sighed—a resigned sound, like he knew he was walking straight into your trap, whatever it was.
“Yeah, I can." The words came out with a hint of wariness, but it was clear he'd already made up his mind to do what you asked. “I'll be there."
“Thanks, see you, Hee.”
There was a pause on the other end of the line—almost like he was hesitating, wanting to say something before you hung up. But in the end, he didn't.
"See you." He replied, his voice gruff, before the line clicked to silence. You were left with the buzz of the phone in your hand and a churning guilt in your stomach.
A few hours passed as you finished your shift, the minutes ticking by excruciatingly slow as you tried to keep your mind off of the fact that you'd be seeing Heeseung again in less than an hour.
By the time the clock hit 11, your heart was in your throat, your hands shaking a bit walked out of the office building. You were exhausted, the long shift taking its toll on your body…but that was the least of the things on your mind right now.
Heeseung was already there when you walked out—standing outside the building, leaning against his car and lit cigarette in hand.
He looked…tired.
Almost like he'd had a damn long week too, dark circles under his eyes. But of course, being the goddamn handsome bastard he was, it didn't take away how good he looked.
He pushed off the car when he saw you approach, tossing the cigarette and crushing it under his foot.
“Real nice. Smoking in front of a working civilian? Told ya to quit.”
He scoffed, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips as he opened the car door for you to get in.
The action was so damn effortless—it was so damn natural, the casual ease he had when he was around you. It made your heart twist a bit, but you pushed the thought away.
"What, gonna go all doctor and tell me the dangers of smoking now?" he said dryly, watching as you got in.
Heeseung walked around the car and got in the driver's seat, starting the engine and pulling out of the building’s parking lot.
For a few seconds, he was silent, staring out the windshield with the same stoic expression he always had.
The only difference was that damn tired look in his eyes, the slight heaviness in the air between you. And then—
"So." He cut through the tense silence, his eyes flicking to you. "You gonna tell me why you wanted me to pick you up at the goddamn office?"
You leaned into his carseat, the familiar scent of his car calming you slightly, but not entirely.
“You always do.”
He rolled his eyes, a scoff leaving his lips as his fingers tightened on the steering wheel. And of course that goddamn motion caught your eye, because damn it, those hands were so attractive.
But no. You weren't gonna get distracted by that tonight, no matter how many times the thought had plagued you in the last week.
“Stop avoiding the question, Y/N." he said, his gaze glued to the road but his voice sharp.
I sighed. “I’m sorry, for acting stupid the other night.”
Heeseung's gaze flicked to you for a second before he focused back onto the road, the muscles in his jaw tensing as he replied.
There was a hint of something in his voice—like you'd just hit a damn nerve.
“That's all I get? Just an apology and nothing else?" His voice was low, rough around the edges. Like he was trying to hold himself back from saying something else, some damn emotion that was itching to come out.
Heeseung exhaled sharply, his grip tightening on the steering wheel again—knuckles going white for a second before he forced himself to relax.
“You kept pushing me away like I was some goddamn mistake." The words came out rough, almost pained. "And then you got pissed when I went and found someone who didn't make me feel like garbage. That's what this is about."
A pause as he shot you a sideways glance, “So yeah. You were acting stupid."
You winced under the harsh words, the guilt in your gut twisting harder at the truth in the words. Because the worst part was, he was right.
You'd been a goddamn hypocrite, expecting him to wait around for you like some idiot while you pushed him away yourself.
But you weren't gonna admit that. Not right now, when he was acting like that.
So you forced yourself to scoff, crossing your arms over your chest defensively—trying to hide the damn guilt from him. From yourself. “That's a goddamn exaggeration and you know it. That’s why I’m apologising right now.”
Heeseung huffed in disbelief at your damn nonchalance, his eyes still fixed on the road in front of him.
But you didn't miss the way his jaw clenched, the way his fingers tightened on the steering wheel—he was trying goddamn hard to hold back his emotions, to keep his cool.
But he was failing. You could see it in the tension in his shoulders, the tightness in his jaw.
He was frustrated.
“Yeah, well…your apology sucks."
“…Want me to write a letter?”
A bitter laugh escaped his lips—short, sharp laugh that sounded more like a scoff. The sound sent a pang through you. Damn it, he really was frustrated.
“How 'bout an essay, smartass." He shot back with a mocking tilt to his lips. “With proper citations and everything."
You sigh, “Are you…still talking to that girl?”
Heeseung's grip on the steering wheel tightened for a split second—his jaw clenching as he shot you a sharp glance. The question clearly caught him off guard, and from the look in his eyes? He wasn't about to let that slide.
“That's what this is about?" His voice dropped lower, rougher. "You want to know if I'm still talking to her? After all that goddamn guilt-tripping?"
A bitter scoff left his lips before he added, "No. Not anymore.”
“I’m not guilt-tripping.” You try to say,
Heeseung scoffed at your denial, the sound harsh and disbelieving. Like you were being a goddamn idiot and he had no patience for it.
“Bullshit,"he said bluntly, his knuckles turning white around the steering wheel again.
"You say you're sorry for acting like an idiot, and then in the very next moment, you ask me about some other girl."
He glanced at you again, his eyes narrowing slightly.
"Or do you not think I can see straight through you?"
The silence in the car went on for a few seconds, the air thick with tension. You could've heard a damn pin drop.
Heeseung's irritation lingered, his jaw clenching as he gripped the steering wheel like he was fighting the urge to snap at you.
His fingers drummed an irritated rhythm against the wheel, like he was trying to burn off some of the anger with that small motion.
"Say something, goddamnit."
“…I didn’t want to tell the others about us not because I’m embarrassed of you.” You start,
“It’s..just complicated. We’re not dating. It’s casual. So why do we have to tell them? We don’t owe them anything.”
Heeseung's expression hardened at your words, the look in his eyes almost cold now. He didn't look at you as he spoke, his gaze fixed firmly on the road ahead, but his tone was sharp.
"Right. So it's casual." He huffed out a humorless laugh, the sound bitter. "And yet for some goddamn reason, you still get all jealous when I start talking to someone else."
“For the love of God, let me finish!” You huff, and it’s like the normal banter you always have again, except it’s nothing unserious.
Heeseung's grip on the steering wheel tightened, his jaw clenching as he exhaled sharply through his nose.
The car fell into a heavy silence for a second—just the hum of tires against pavement and your own damn heartbeat pounding in your ears.
"Fine." he finally bit out, still not looking at you. "Finish. But don't act surprised when I call bullshit on whatever excuse you're about to pull."
“…It was casual. But is it really? Even when we weren’t in bed, you’d still call me petnames.” You sigh, “Still make me meals, still stay the night, still drive me to and from work. I mean, you’re my best friend. But…I feel..something now.”
Heeseung's shoulders tensed as you spoke, his jaw clenching slightly as you listed off all the…coupley things he did for you.
It was like you were listing off every little thing he did to show you he cared, every way he proved he wasn't just some casual hook-up. And you were right, goddamnit—he did all of that. He always had.
There was a long, heavy silence, and then he forced out a quiet, "What do you feel?"
You look at you trembling hands, “Love.”
His breath stuttered for a split second, his fingers tightening on the steering wheel even more. The word hit him like a damn ton of bricks.
He'd been expecting some excuse, some stupid justification—some reason for why you felt something now.
But love? He almost couldn't believe his own goddamn ears.
He shot you a sharp, disbelieving look, like he was trying to see if you meant it. Like he was trying to see if this was just some cruel joke.
You take another deep breath, “Well-that's what I felt. At least,” looking outside the window.
“But I'm scared. Because we did everything out of order, and I'm not sure if we'll be okay. If-If we stopped, I'm not only gonna lose my boyfriend, but my best friend." You continue, voice slightly trembling now.
Heeseung went quiet, his expression softening slightly as he realized you were serious-as he saw the tremble in your voice, the fear on your face.
He wanted to tell you it would be okay. He wanted to pull you into his arms, to wrap you up in his embrace and soothe away the damn anxiety he heard in your words.
But he didn't. He took a deep breath, his shoulders tensing again as he gripped the steering wheel like a lifeline.
"..ls that the only reason you're telling me this now? Because you're scared of losing a friend?"
“You’re not just a friend, Hee. You’re basically my other half.” You confess,
A low, heavy sigh left Heeseung's lips at those words, and this time, his shoulders slumped slightly.
It was like all the frustrated tension finally left his body, leaving just the tired, worn-out weight of those words.
Hearing you say that...it did something to him. It made his heart clench, made his breathing get a little uneven.
He looked over at you then, the look on his face almost vulnerable. "...Your other half, huh?"
You nod, not trying to filter anything now.
“You’re my other half, someone who knows me the most— I don’t— I don’t think I can live normally again if we ever stopped being together, friends and all.”
His breath caught in his throat at that statement, his chest tightening painfully.
You were saying the words so damn casually, like you didn't realize the weight they carried for him. He had to force himself to breathe, to speak past the sudden emotional lump in his throat.
His voice was a little hoarse when he finally managed to grit out a question. "And you're just telling me this now? After a whole goddamn week of avoiding each other? After years of dragging it as some hookup?”
You keep quiet, silenced.
“That’s a question, Y/N.” He bite out.
“I’m sorry.”
Your apologies are like a broken record by now, as he let out a bitter laugh.
“You’ve said that.”
“But it’s the truth! I’m sorry I hurt you because I know I did, and I wasn’t acting my feelings for years straight.”
He let out a sharp exhaled at your words, his jaw clenching as he tried to swallow back the mix of irritation and...hope that flared in him at your confession.
The mix of emotions was getting to be too damn much. He was tired, he was frustrated, and he was tired of the games.
He glanced over at you-and dammit if you didn't look like you meant it.
And Heeseung, damn his bleeding heart, couldn't deny that look in your eyes. He let out a low, exasperated sigh.
"You goddamn idiot." He said, his voice gruff.
"Do you have any idea how pissed I was? How goddamn frustrated l've been all week? I didn't know if you just regretted it, if you thought I was some stupid mistake, if...if I meant anything to you."
The words left his lips before he could stop them, a hint of vulnerability in the tone.
He was being damn honest for once, letting some of the emotional mess swirling around in his head spill out in front of you like that.
And you didn’t even realize you’ve arrived to your complex. But he didn’t ask you to leave yet, he just parked his car and switched off the engine, the sudden silence in the car suddenly deafening.
For a moment, both of you just sat there, the tension in the air almost stifling.
Then, he looks over to you. His expressions are unreadable.
“We’re here.” he said simply, like it was some kind of warning.
A warning that this conversation was about to continue, and there was no avoiding it.
“You were never, ever a mistake to me.” You look into his eyes.
Heeseung's breath hitched at your words, the honest admission sending a pang through his heart.
He'd been going back and forth between annoyance and irritation all goddamn week-trying to convince himself you just regretted the hookup, trying to ignore the fact that he still wanted you.
Hearing you say that, hearing that quiet honesty in your voice—it made it hard to hold onto the irritation.
It made him feel guilty for doubting you in the first place but damn it, he was still angry.
He stared at you for a long moment—your expression, the way your hands were fidgeting in your lap.
The vulnerability in it all made his chest ache. He exhaled sharply through his nose, running a hand over his face like he was trying to physically push back the damn emotions clogging up his throat.
"I know that now," he finally muttered, "But it took you avoiding me and acting like I didn't exist for a week to say that shit."
A pause as he turn fully towards you now.
“You don’t get to keep pushing me away and then act like that when I go looking elsewhere.”
“I’m not going to push you away anymore.”
His breath caught in his chest at your quiet admission, the raw sincerity of it making something inside him ache.
He was still pissed—still frustrated beyond belief but the confession did soften the edges.
“Good,” He says gruffly. “Because you’re not going to dismiss my feelings, not again.”
That made you look at him, “What do you feel?”
He froze at your sudden question, his heart leaping in his chest. The look in your eyes was damn intent, leaving no room for bullshit.
You were asking him what he felt-for real this time, not some half-ass excuse or half-true response.
He clenched his jaw, conflicted. He wanted to be honest. He wanted to tell you exactly how he felt.
But part of him was still pissed, still frustrated by that week of avoiding each other, and he wanted to make you hurt just a little bit, too.
Gosh he’s so petty.
“What do I feel? I’m pissed. Hella freaking pissed,” he bit out at first—zero hesitation, "Because you made me think I wasn't shit to you. That all of this"—a sharp gesture between the two of you—"was just some goddamn mistake."
A pause as he swallowed hard, his voice dropping lower.
"But I also feel like a damn idiot for caring this much when we never even called it what it was."
The sight of you wincing at his bitter confession made something in Heeseung ache, but he didn't let that stop him from speaking.
He'd been keeping this all bottled up for a week, and damn it, it was time for you to hear what that felt like.
He continued, the words falling out like a damn train wreck.
"You have any idea how much of an idiot I've been this past week? | thought you were ashamed of me. Like I was some kind of regret."
There was a note of anger in his voice still, the frustration and hurt of the past week coming out in sharp breaths as he continued.
"I was trying to keep my distance, trying to forget you. But you have no goddamn idea how that felt when I was lying in my bed every damn night, and all I could think of was you."
He took a sharp inhale, his throat tight with emotion. "I'm tired of being the one who cares, damn it."
You retort immediately, “I care too!”
"Then damn it, why didn't you act like it?" He huffed out bitterly, his irritation and frustration getting the best of him. He was angry, so goddamn angry, but the hurt in his voice was undeniable.
"All you did was push me away. You acted cold, you avoided me, you never gave me a straight answer about us! You made me doubt everything we had! So excuse me if I thought you were ashamed!"
“It’s because I’m fucking scared, Hee!”
His shoulders tensed at that sudden outburst,
the raw emotion in your voice finally getting through his walls of anger-piercing through to the vulnerable thing beneath.
He felt that confession down to the very bone-and it only made His own guilt claw at his conscience.
But he was still angry, still hurt, and he needed you to understand why. "Scared of what?" he snapped, voice slowly rising.
"That maybe I'm ruining things with someone who probably know me the best out of everyone!” You snap, “that I'm ruining my friendship with someone I always wanted to be with!"
He felt those words like a punch to the gut. It was like you were saying everything that'd crossed his mind in the past week, and damn if it didn't hurt like hell.
A part of him, the soft part that loved you with all the damn intensity of the sun, wanted to pull you into his arms and soothe your fears.
But the part of him that was still hurt and angry kept him holding back.
"If you were so scared, then why did you let it get this far?!” He yell.
“Stop yelling!”
"I'll stop yelling when you start making some goddamn sense!" He fired back, his voice rising again as he struggled to rein in his emotions.
Goddamn it, he knew he was being unreasonably loud, but he couldn't help it.
He was struggling to hold back the mix of anger, hurt, and goddamn affection swirling through him at the sight of you, vulnerable and so damn familiar.
"You can't just avoid me for a week, act distant and cold, and expect me not to be pissed!"
You never heard him scream at you like this, at it scared you.
Your best friend, who’s smug and stupid at time— but always so soft-spoken. That’s one of a million things you loved about him.
The way he speaks— like he’s scared if he’s too loud or too harsh you’ll fade away.
But right now? All of that is out of the window.
Rightfully so, he’s hurt. You hurt him.
And nothing scares you more that hurting the one person you cared the most.
“Please,” you tear up.
Holy fuck, are you crying?
You wanted to slap the shit out of yourself.
“Please don’t yell when I’m so fucking scared right now.”
Heeseung froze the moment he saw your tears, his entire body going rigid.
The anger drained from him in an instant-replaced by something far more visceral, something that made his chest tighten painfully.
His hands dropped to his sides as he exhaled sharply through clenched teeth, like the fight was being punched out of him at once.
He looked…guilty now.
"Shit." he muttered under his breath before running a hand over his face, "I'm not yelling anymore."
He stayed quiet for a long moment, his jaw working as he fought to keep his own damn emotions in check.
The silence between you was thick with everything unspoken-anger, hurt, fear. But the way your voice had cracked on that last word made something in him cave.
Slowly, deliberately—he reached over and took one of your hands from where it was clenched into fists on your lap. His grip was firm but not tight, grounding.
“I’m not going to yell, I’m sorry.” he says softly, “I’m not going anywhere.”
He exhaled sharply through his nose, the frustration and anger still simmering in his chest-but your quiet plea made him pause.
He wanted to yell, damn it. He needed you to understand how much he'd been hurting too.
"I'm not yelling," he muttered again gruffly-though the way he bit out each word was soft. "But I'm not just gonna sit here and pretend like this didn't fucking destroy me."
A pause as he swallowed hard, forcing himself to lower his voice further when he added, "You don't get to be scared of losing me when you're the one who pushed first."
You look at your hands together, “I don’t know how to do this, Hee.” You confess, “I’m going to mess up again, I’ve messed up, so I don’t…know how to do it,” you bite out, “But I know I want to be with you.”
His grip on the steering wheel loosened slightly as he stared at you—really looked at you—for the first time since this whole damn mess started.
"You don't get to say that," he muttered, but there was no real bite left in his words now. Just exhaustion.
A pause as he exhaled sharply, "But...if you really want this? Then we figure it out. Together."
“You mean everything to me,” you say. The tears never stopped.
At that quiet declaration, He felt his heart twist and some of the anger left draining from him ever further.
But he wanted you to be sure. He wasn’t going to accept this all sincerely and then watch you push him away again once your friends are in the room.
“Like hell I mean everything to you, after the shit—” He starts but you cut him off before he could even continue.
“I know I acted like shit recently, heck, maybe even months now. But before that?” You look into his eyes, “All the years before? When we were kids and the grandmas in the neighborhood always predicted we’d get married? Isn’t that obvious, you jerk?” If you weren’t then, now you are full on sobbing.
Heeseung felt something in his chest ache at those memories. Those years you spent growing up together. The elderly neighbors who'd always tease about how cute you were together, how sure they were that you'd end up getting married down the line.
Those damn memories were playing on repeat in his mind, and it only made him feel all more frustrated.
He bit back a scoff, shaking his head slightly as the words left him in a low mutter. "You still pushed me away for months, idiot."
“Well I’m a little stupid, sorry!”
He couldn't help but huff out a dry, humorless laugh.
Your blunt confession, just blurting out that you were sorry and stupid... it was so damn typical of you that he couldn't stay angry for much longer.
He pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration, shaking his head as he muttered, "You're more than a little stupid, you know that?" He smiles, and you sob harder.
He finally reaches out, taking both of your hands together now.
“Stop crying, you’re not a kid anymore.” He kisses your hands.
“I’m trying. But it kept pouring out.” You whine softly.
He felt his lips twitch at that whiny tone—so typical of you. Even in moments like this, you still manage to make him feel giddy.
He squeezed your hands tightly, “No more crying, baby.”
That was the last thing he says before guiding you to sit on his lap in the driver’s seat, pulling you against his chest.
You break again, like the comfort finally reaches you from the anxiety of this whole talk.
Heeseung let out a slow, tired breath as you practically collapsed into him-your sobs muffled against his chest.
The weight of your body against his, the way you clung to him like he was some damn lifeline...it made something in his heart twist painfully.
“You’re okay,” He kisses your temple. “I’m here, I got you.”
One of his hands tangles in your hair, playing with the strands as he feels you calm down.
He could feel a lot of things at once. The rise and fall of your chest against his, the press of your legs against his, the way you gripped his shirt tighter in your fists...it was maddening.
“I love you.” You mutter, lips pressing against his chest as you feel his beating heart.
He smiles, hearing you say that felt so good—especially after years doubting everything between you two.
He took a shaky breath, his arms tightening around you even as he muttered,
"I love you too, idiot."
“That’s not what you call me.”
He let out a low, amused huff at that— your sniffly protest was so adorable it made his chest ache. He pulled away slightly to cup your face in his hands, wiping away the lingering tears with rough thumbs.
“I love you, baby.” He smiles.
When he sees you cry again, he laughs and tuck your face into the crook of his neck-letting you soak his shirt with those damn tears.
“What am I going to do with you?” He chuckles in your hair.
Heeseung let you cry against him for God knows how long, just running his fingers through your hair and holding you close.
He'd always been a quiet and relatively patient person, but damn it if it didn't take everything in him to keep from falling to pieces at the feeling of you crying in his arms.
Eventually, though, he knew this needed to stop. He'd been putting off the hard conversation for far too long. So he pulled your face out of his neck, forcing you to look up at him with a gruff "Hey, look at me.”
Staring down at you for a long moment, he takes in your beautiful face despite the tears.
Your eyes were red and puffy, your cheeks flushed and wet. You looked so damn vulnerable, and it made his chest ache in a way that was almost too much to handle.
But he had to be the one to push through it this time. He knew you needed him to be the stronger one right now.
“I need you to listen and answer okay? Truthfully.”
Heeseung let go of your face, his hands dropping to your hips now, holding you tightly in place on his lap.
He didn't want you to look away-didn't want to lose your focus for even a second. He kept his gaze locked with yours, his expression unwaveringly serious.
The way you were looking back at him? So damn vulnerable and open, make his heart hurt like hell.
“Why’d you push me away, baby?” He asks, this time he wants a clear answer from you.
No more It’s because I’m stupid bullshit.
“Because…” You look at him, “It’s too much.” You pat your heart, “Right here. And I have this nagging voice that if I am beside you any more without letting it out, the wrong words are gonna come out." You wince.
"And then, I saw you kissing that girl."
"It was my fault of course, but...still hurt." You chuckle.
Heeseung listened in silence as the words spilled out of you. He still had you sitting in his lap, still holding onto you with a tight, almost possessive grip.
The sound of your voice was shaky, the confession making the ache in his chest intensify even more.
And then you had to go and bring up that innocent girl he used to numb whatever you two had going on?
He swallowed hard, clenching his jaw for a moment before replying, "That was nothing. You know that."
“Still, Hee.”
Heeseung exhaled sharply through his nose, "It was nothing," he repeated firmly, gripping your hips tighter as he stared at you with a hard expression.
“I kissed her because I was pissed off, I was confused as hell after the way we left things. I didn’t know where we stand, even if I was confident I loved you, It was still confusing.”
“You were hurt.”
He shakes his head. “I was, but I still acted like an asshole about it. I want you. Only you, but I still kissed her.”
A pause as he looked away briefly, clearly struggling with himself for a second before turning back to you with sharp eyes.
"But I don't want us to keep doing this shit—avoiding each other and pushing one another away just because we're scared of what might happen if things go wrong."
He brings his hand to cup your cheek as you lean in.
“We’re better than this, baby. We’re adults. We need to communicate, or none of this is ever going to work. You hear me?”
You give him soft nod. He searched for any hint of hesitation, and when he sees one? He let out a deep sigh.
“Good girl.” He smiles, “We’re going to tell each other everything from now on. No more pushing, no more running.”
“I want to be exclusive.” You say, out of nowhere. Thinking it was the best time to clarify.
He raised his eyebrows at that, “Yeah? Want me to be your boyfriend, princess? Say it again.”
You felt your cheeks heat up. “You heard me, I’m gonna take it back—”
“Nope. You’re so not.” He laughs. "Not when I've been waiting to hear those damn words from you since we were goddamn ten years old, baby."
Huh?
Those words made you snap. You grab his face, and crush your lips together.
There was only a second of hesitation from him before he was kissing you back, his hand on your hip pulling you even closer as his lips crashed against yours.
There was something almost desperate to it, the months of hurt and longing and pent up emotions from the past week suddenly catching up to him now.
He kissed you hungrily, almost roughly, until finally pulling back slightly-gasping for air with your foreheads pressed together. His voice came out barely above a whisper:
"You're mine, got it?"
“And you?”
“All yours.” He smile and leaned down to kiss you again, his lips moving roughly against yours. This time a low, possessive sound left his chest-his tongue darting out to push past your lips with an almost feral need. He was claiming your mouth with his own, dominating without question.
When you both finally pull away, his breathing was labored, the hand on your face dropping to your hip once more in a tight grip.
He sees your expression, so honest and exhausted. But full, so full of love. Your eyes a bit hazy and dazed, like he can feel the tiredness all over you.
“Long day, yeah?”
You nod, and he chuckles. “Let’s get you inside.”
Heeseung kept a tight, protective grip on you as you got out of the car, his arm wrapping around your waist to steady you.
He could tell you were barely staying standing, and he was determined to get you inside and taken care of as quickly as possible.
Without another word, he closed the door and started leading you towards your complex, his eyes scanning the surroundings around you for any potential dangers.
Despite his usual nonchalant demeanor, there was a subtle protectiveness in the way he held you close to him—a determined edge to his expression.
The elevator ride up was short-lived, and soon enough they were stepping through the doors into your apartment.
He kept a steadying hand on your waist as you walked inside, guiding you towards your room.
Heeseung led you straight to your bed, carefully helping you sit down on the edge of it. His eyes roamed over you, taking in your exhausted state with a mixture of concern and affection.
The urge to get you comfortable and taken care of was practically overwhelming.
He gently tugged on your arm, his voice soft and gruff. "Lay down."
You obeyed, slowly laying back on the bed.
Something about the way you looked right now was so vulnerable, so damn soft, it was almost making his head spin.
But he pushed past the emotions swirling in his chest, determined to get you cared for first.
He knelt at the edge of the bed, his eyes scanning your face with a mix of concern and tenderness.
"I'll be right back, okay?Just gonna get something."
He gave your hand a gentle squeeze before reluctantly letting go. Getting up, he moved across the room, rummaging through your drawers until he found some comfortable clothes for you.
He quickly grabbed a tank top and hoodie, along with some sweatpants, before making his way back over to the bed.
Kneeling beside the bed again, he looked down at you. "Sit up for a second."
He waited until you pushed yourself up into a sitting position, and then he started helping you out of your clothes.
His touch was gentle as he pulled your top off, his eyes roaming over your skin almost reverently.
He could see the weariness in your movements, and he worked quickly, but his fingers lingered against your skin with a tender touch. Once you were wearing the tank top, he offered you the hoodie next. He helped you into the hoodie, watching as the fabric swallowed you up.
The way you looked now—wearing his hoodie and looking so damn tired—was somehow unbearably endearing and it only made the protectiveness in his chest intensify.
But he kept his focus, helping you slide out of your pants and into the sweatpants next.
Throughout the entire process, his touch was careful and gentle, his eyes lingering on each piece of skin he exposed.
Once you were changed into the comfortable clothes, he helped you lay back down on the bed.
He pulled the covers up over your body, making sure you were properly tucked in and cozy. His eyes scanned your face for a moment, taking in how exhausted you looked once again.
He reached up and gently tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, his voice low and gruff.
"Go to sleep, okay? You're dead on your feet, baby."
You replied with a soft pat on the space beside you on the bed.
Heeseung couldn't help the small smile that pulled at his lips as you patted the space beside you, the wordless request obvious.
He knew you were asking him to stay. And damn it, if that wasn't one of his favorite things in the world.
He didn't hesitate, carefully climbing onto the bed next to you. His arm immediately went around your waist, pulling you closer until you were tucked against him.
He settled behind you, adjusting your bodies until you were cuddled against him, your back pressed against his chest.
He could feel the exhaustion coming off you in waves, and the feeling filled his chest with a mix of affection and concern.
He tightened his arm around your waist, pulling you even closer, almost possessively. He nuzzled his face into your hair, inhaling the familiar scent.
His voice was quiet and gruff as he spoke, almost a whisper next to your ear. "Sleep, baby. I'll stay with you."
He continued to hold you close, his body molded against yours. He could feel the way your tired body relaxed into his embrace, the way you automatically shifted closer against him.
His hand on your waist began tracing slow, idle circles against your side, hoping the gentle touch would soothe you even more.
“I love you,” was the last thing you hear before drifting off to sleep.
Morning settles softly over the room, pale light slipping through the curtains and stretching across the bed where Heeseung wakes first, eyes blinking open slowly as the quiet replaces last night’s noise.
For a moment, he doesn’t move—just lies there, one arm still draped loosely around you, your head tucked against his shoulder, hair slightly undone from sleep.
There’s a faint crease on your cheek from the pillow, your breathing even, steady, like none of the tension from before followed you into the morning.
He shifts just enough to look at you properly, gaze lingering in a way he’d never admit out loud, thumb brushing absentmindedly against your arm before he exhales softly, like he’s trying not to disturb something fragile.
He feels you stir awake slowly, and register the warmth between the both of you.
Your lashes flutter open, adjusting to the soft morning light spilling through the curtains, and for a second you don’t move, still caught somewhere between sleep and awareness.
Then you realize where you are—how close you are—and your fingers instinctively curl slightly against his shirt.
“Hi,” he mutters, his smile soft and still heavy with sleep.
Up close, it’s different—quieter than anything he ever gives you when he’s fully awake. His eyes are half-lidded, hair slightly tousled, and there’s something unguarded in the way he looks at you, like he hasn’t had the chance to put his walls back up yet.
His thumb brushes faintly against your arm again, slow, absent, like he’s still halfway dreaming.
“You’re up early,” you murmur, voice still rough as you shift slightly against him, but not enough to pull away.
Heeseung lets out a quiet hum, the corner of his lips lifting just a little more.
“Could say the same about you.”
Neither of you moves after that.
The morning stretches between you, calm and fragile, like if either of you says the wrong thing, it’ll snap back into what you usually are.
“You should sleep more, you were so tired last night,” he suggests, his hand moves to your hip for a grounding grip.
His hand slides from your arm to your hip, settling there like it belongs, fingers pressing lightly—just enough to keep you from drifting too far away.
The touch is grounding.
Steady.
You let out a small breath, barely noticeable, your body sinking a little more into the mattress despite yourself.
“I’m okay,” you mumble, though your voice betrays how heavy sleep still feels in your limbs.
Lee Heeseung huffs quietly, almost amused, his thumb brushing once against your side.
“Doesn’t sound like it.”
You shift slightly, your hand coming up to rest against his chest, feeling the slow, even rhythm beneath your palm.
For a second, neither of you says anything, the silence filled only by quiet breathing and the soft rustle of sheets.
Suddenly, he shifts closer, his head dipping into the crook of your neck, breath warm against your skin. His lips follow a moment later—slow, lingering, open-mouthed presses that make you inhale sharply, your fingers tightening slightly against his shirt.
It’s unhurried.
Sleepy, almost.
Like he’s not fully thinking—just acting on instinct, on familiarity.
His hand at your hip steadies you when you shift, thumb pressing lightly as he continues, each kiss softer than the last but no less intentional.
The quiet of the morning wraps around you both, broken only by the faint rustle of sheets and your uneven breathing.
You tilt your head just a little, giving him space without realizing it, and he exhales softly against your skin, like he notices.
You hum, while he continues mouthing at your collarbone.
“Hee, it’s—” you glance at the clock on the nightstand, squinting slightly, “9 in the morning,” you sigh.
He doesn’t pull away.
If anything, Heeseung just exhales softly against your neck, lips still brushing your skin in slow, unhurried presses, like the time doesn’t matter.
“Mm,” he hums, voice muffled.
His hand on your hip tightens just slightly when you shift, keeping you right where you are.
“I missed you, baby.” He nuzzle his nose against your jaw, trying to coax you into giving in.
Sly fox.
“I’m right here.” You smile.
“But I want to kiss you all over, make you feel good.” He murmur again, voice turning slightly whiny.
You let out a small laugh, which died as soon as he moves his hand to cup your clothed core.
“You’ll let me, right? You’ll let me love this sweet body of yours?”
He looks into your eyes, asking for permission.
“But breakfast…”
“It’s Saturday, baby. We can have breakfast at 2PM.” He whines.
You grin, before nodding.
Heeseung wasted no time in claiming the skin of your neck, his mouth and tongue working at your pulse point, leaving a trail of hot, open-mouthed kisses down the column of your throat once again.
The entire time, his hands roamed your body, pushing up the bottom of your hoodie and tanktop and slipping underneath to touch your overheated skin.
He practically groaned at the feeling of you, hot and pliant underneath him—he's been dying to touch you like this for days now.
His hands were rough as they groped your breasts, his fingers pinching and rolling the hardened peaks between them. His mouth left wet trails along your collarbone before latching onto one nipple—sucking hard through the fabric of your top.
"Fuck," he groaned against you, his hips grinding down instinctively, "You always taste so damn good."
A sharp nip to punctuate it—because he knew you liked that little sting.
You help him take off your clothes, hands trembling slightly.
Heeseung lifted his head at the sudden motion, staring at you hungrily as he watched you lift your shirt up.
"Good girl."he said, his eyes dark with intensity as he watched your movements."That's it. Show me."
His breath hitched as he took in the sight of you—bare, flushed, and already so damn needy for him. His gaze raked over your exposed skin like a starving man at a feast.
“Beautiful, my woman.”
Without another second of hesitation, his mouth descended on one nipple—sucking hard while his fingers pinched the other between rough fingertips.
Heeseung's tongue flicked against the hardened peak as he sucked and swirled it around in his mouth. It wasn't enough, though. He nipped and lapped at your skin—his hand moving from your chest to your inner thigh.”
It was almost as if he was intent on memorizing every inch of your body with his touch, leaving no area unmarked by his lips and teeth.
“Mm, I could stay like this forever," he murmured, his words partially muffled against your skin.
His hand skimmed up your thigh, pushing up the hem of your pants. He pushed them down just far enough to bare your legs to his sight, and his mouth left your breast to press kisses along the soft skin.
"Lift your hips."
The order was said in a rough, lust-filled tone, and he didn't give you even a second to hesitate before hooking a finger into the waistband of your panties, pulling them down your legs.
His eyes darkened as he took in the sight of you, now fully exposed.
Heeseung practically growled as he took in the sight of you—bare, exposed, and so damn perfect.
His fingers dug into your hips for a second before sliding lower to grip the backs of your thighs, yanking you closer to him.
"You're already wet for me? I'm not holding back, baby.”
His hands were everywhere, touching you with a mixture of impatience and desperation. His mouth latched onto the soft skin of your neck, sucking and biting down on your pulse until he left a blossoming mark behind.
He wanted you, and he wanted you now.
"Can't wait to be inside of you," Heeseung hissed against your skin. “Can’t wait to love you until I’m milked dry.”
“Watch me touch myself first.”
Heeseung had to hold back a groan at your suggestion.
While his main goal right now was to be inside of you, the thought of watching you touch yourself right in front of him sounded almost sinful.
During your hookups, Heeseung was the one that take the lead but once in a while, you would give suggestions like these.
To try and experiment with each other, of course.
"Yeah? You wanna put on a show?" he teased, an eyebrow raised as he pulled away slightly to look at you. He already sounded breathless just from the thought of it—he was practically salivating for the sight.
Heeseung's expression darkened as he watched you, his eyes glued to the sight of your hands slowly moving over yourself.
Your smaller fingers rubbing your bundle of nerves, still sensitive after waking up.
He couldn't tear his gaze away for a second, as if he was a starving man staring at his prey. His own hands flexed against your thighs, pressing more firmly into the soft skin as he fought the urge to take over and touch you himself.
This was your show right now—not his. He had to be patient.
"So pretty," he murmured hoarsely, "All for me to watch." His eyes darkened even further. That tone of your voice, the way you looked right now... God, if you weren't careful, he was going to lose all self-control and take over again.
“Hee…Touch yourself too..”
He swallowed thickly, the sound almost audible to your ears. His breathing was already shaky, his voice strained as he replied.
"Yeah? You want me to touch myself for you, baby?” Heeseung's breath hitched as he watched you nod, his hands immediately moving to the waistband of his jeans.
His fingers fumbled slightly in his haste—he wasn't used to being this desperate for something so simple.
"You're lucky I'm weak for you."
With one rough yank, he pulled down just enough fabric to free himself—already hard and aching from watching you. His grip tightened around the base as a groan escaped him at the first touch.
He was going to die just watching you.
His chest was rising and falling heavily, and he could feel his self-control hanging on by a mere thread at this point.
He wanted to touch you, to be the one to touch you—but the sight of you touching yourself like this just for him was almost torturous.
"Mmm, look at me, baby." he commanded hoarsely."Want you to keep your eyes open while you do that for me."
Heeseung's grip on himself tightened painfully as he watched you slip your fingers inside, his breath hitching in response to the wet sound.
His eyes were practically glued to where you touched yourself—his entire body tensed with need.
"Fuck, that's it," he gritted out between clenched teeth, "Keep going just like that."
A rough thrust of his own hand matched yours instinctively—mimicking the rhythm you set for him.
You whine with need when you feel your own fingers aren’t enough to reach the places that can make you see stars.
Heeseung's hips jerked forward involuntarily, a strangled groan tearing from his throat as he watched you.
His knuckles whitened where they gripped himself-too close to the edge already just from watching you.
"Y/N," he warned lowly, "You keep making those sounds and I'm not gonna last." A bead of sweat rolled down his temple as he fought for control-his entire body coiled tight with desperation.
His head was swimming; the air felt like it was crackling with electricity. Every nerve was on fire, desperate for release.
He needed you, but there was something about watching you like this—so open, so vulnerable, so perfect—that he couldn't stop himself from prolonging his suffering.
"Sweetheart, I need to touch you..." he gasped out, a strangled plea on his lips. "Please..."
The moment you removed your fingers, giving him permission, he moved forward with an almost feral speed to grab you by the hips and pull you closer-settling himself right between your spread legs.
"You have no idea how much I ache for you," he muttered hoarsely, his voice rough with need. "I need you so much."
Heeseung's mouth crashed against yours before you could respond, his lips moving hungrily over yours.
There was no tenderness, only a raw, desperate need as he claimed your mouth completely. His hands were everywhere, touching you with a rough familiarity that spoke of his desperate need to feel every part of you all at once.
His breath came out in a sharp, ragged exhale as he pressed the thick head of his cock against your entrance—teasing, torturing both of you with the slow drag.
His entire body was trembling from how hard it was for him to not just shove inside right then and there.
“Ready, baby?”
And when you finally nod, he slides in with zero resistance, given how soaked you are.
A guttural groan tearing from his throat as he buried himself to the hilt, both of you immediately losing your sleepy haze.
"Fuck-" he choked out, forehead dropping to yours, "You feel so damn good."
A ragged breath before he started moving—deep, punishing rolls of his hips that left no room for gentleness.
“Ngh, fuck—Hee!”
Heeseung's entire body locked up at the sound of your voice, his hips stuttering to a halt for a second. The way you clenched around him-tight, wet, perfect-had his vision whiting out for half a second.
"Fucking hell," he rasped against your neck, "You're trying to kill me."
A rough grind of his pelvis pressed even deeper as he fought not to lose it right then and there.
He needed you so badly right now. More than he'd ever needed anyone—and he never thought he could possibly be this addicted to someone, but here he was.
Addicted to you, his love.
Completely and utterly addicted to the feel of your skin against his, the sounds you made as he moved inside you, the way you looked at him like he was the center of your entire world.
“All this, mine, right?” He murmurs in between moans. “No one else to touch, to love, to have.”
He stops for a second, pulling back making you whine due to the sudden absence.
“Shh, baby, I know—I know.” He cooed, grabbing a pillow to move it under you, and then entering you again.
The angle change made the both of you breathless. He felt even deeper than what you thought was possible.
“So good—you’re so good for me.”
You felt the tight knot forming, and started clenching harder around him—making him jolt forward.
“Shit—baby, I know, I’ll get you there, yeah?” He kisses your temple.
He speeds up his thrusts, his tip hitting hard against your cervix.
He pulled you closer, his lips trailing up your neck to your ear, his breathing ragged against your skin.
“Come with me, baby.” He murmur, “That’s my girl.” He smiles when he feels you arch and tremble as your climax ran through you.
A ragged, guttural groan tore from his throat as he buried himself impossibly deeper—his entire body shuddering with release. His grip on you was ironclad, like he was afraid you'd vanish the second he let go.
"Fuck—yes," he panted against your sweat-slicked skin, "Mine. Only mine."
A few more rough thrusts before his hips stilled completely—spent and wrecked in the best way possible.
He dropped on top of you, making sure not to crush you with his weight as the both of you catch your breaths.
He got up, looking at you disheveled state. His hand ran through the sweaty hair sticking to your face, taking a good look at his girlfriend.
“How can it feel even better when we’re finally together now?”
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