you never realised that something was wrong with how your family lived. after seventeen whole years, you never once came to the realisation that everything about this community was wrong. you never could've imagined that your parents, your family could lie about this place; especially not messiah yang.

living in a closed society inside the forest was normal, that's what you always thought. it was safe, normal and the only right way to live. the messiah ruled everything, he was like the big father to everyone - a real father to some. your parents were here before your birth, throughout all of your five younger sibling's lives too. you never knew anything else, you never imagined that there could be something other than this. other than living in white clothes, listening to preaching for hours, doing community work and praying to messiah yang. in the midst of your houses stood a tall, huge chapel - a holy place where the messiah, the 'god' of your community proclaimed the holy truths and his sacredness. everything was common, accessible to everyone in the community as long as they preached to messiah yang and listened to him. everything of need was there in the community - library with messiah's words of truth and wisdom, stalls with food, of course it was all free and shared. seamstresses sew all of the clothes for everyone and people were expected to take care of the animals, orchards and fields. kids had their own games and played with each other, every toy was available for them and whenever one of the members brought something new like an inflatable pool in the summer or a ball, everyone partake in it.

last sunday of the month was the time when when messiah would gather the crowd in his chapel and start his prayer, say a few wise words, make the community chant a few worships and then came the big moment for young adults. — wedding announcements. each time, messiah yang would pick two pairs to get married the following month, that's just how it always was. you'd sit there and listen to your friends, cousins get picked for marriage. sometimes the couple were two strangers that never even talked with each other before. but they accepted it nonetheless, move in together and start a family. there was no other way, that's just how it was and everyone took it easy, because everyone believed that that was right; this was a step closer to heaven.

this sunday was no different. you got dressed in your white, loose dress that the community gave out - everyone had the same clothes, because equality was holiness. your long hair was done in a braid by your younger sister and you prepared breakfast for your family before you headed out to the chapel. you sat in the same middle bench on the right side as every other time you came for the teachings. the prayer went by like usual, all of you chanted until your knees got bruised from kneeling on the cold, hard tiles.

"i had a vision, a very clear and delightful one. the holy spirit gave me the power to unite two people from this very crowd, to bring them together as one. my own, first born son; my pride and joy," — heeseung. he was the oldest son of messiah yang; because older sisters he had many. but the man seemed to really like heeseung the most out of all his kids for he was always so obedient, smart, knew everything about the religion his father created. "and the daughter of (your parents' names), y/n y/l/n."

you swore you thought you misheard. that maybe the echo of that big, open chapel brought the name wrong. but no, everyone turned to look at you with wide smiles and congratulations. your mother pushed you out of your seat to the front, where messiah yang invited both you and heeseung to stand before the crowd. your parents must've been proud beyond belief to see their daughter standing there, promised to marry the most important person's child; to be the wide of a holy man's son. you just felt ... weird. it was so sudden, but maybe the messiah's vision was correct. maybe you really were destined to be together with heeseung.

heeseung held your hand tightly, smiling at you softly. "it'll be okay."

and you smiled too. messiah yang kept saying something, prayers to your new marriage; some holy words of encouragement and wisdom. you were barely listening, your hand warm in heeseung's bigger palm and your eyes zeroed on your mother's happy face. you could do it, you saw every person in the community go through this exact thing with huge smiles and bigger faith - it was just marriage. you'd move in with heeseung and live a happy life, because his family was the most important one, the most holy and sacred. of course it would be okay.

you attended premarital teachings, or whatever messiah yang called it. just you, heeseung and the older man in the big, dark chapel. you had never seen it look that empty inside, the echo of his teachings ringing loudly through the walls and heavy benches. you and heeseung sat in the front, you on the right bench, he on the left one. his father stood between the rows, speaking loudly about purity, good family life, how you should behave and how many kids you should have and when. he said that your wedding would take place next week on a saturday, all necessary preparations had been already taken care of and you should just wait for this new chapter of your life. it was almost scary, listening to the preacher rant all about good and bad things; speaking, chanting, shouting at times just to get the right point across to your brain. you nodded gently, heeseung listened, nodding and praying vehemently to please his father the best he could.

he always kept distance. he needed to, because even looking at each other wrong before marriage was sinful between kids older than fifteen. and he didn't want you to get on the messiah's bad side by his fault, that would put you in danger and you'd look bad in the community's eyes. you were far too trusting, innocent to know the whole truth. you just believed what you were told by your parents. but since you had already been 'destined' to marry him, the least he could do was keep you safe as best as he knew how. he learned about his father's behaviours from very early age. how much he dismissed his sisters, his mother - she died because of the lack of real medicine; because messiah yang thought of himself as the ultimate healer. but she passed and in the next preaching, messiah yang said something that made heeseung physically ache inside "my wife had passed for she had lost her faith a long time ago. i believed that she was one of us, that she could be saved by me. i shall remind you not to doubt me or the power of the holy spirit speaking through me to you all. she died a sinner and in the day of final judgment, she will speak for her sins in hell." not a week later and he found a new wife, had another bunch of kids with her and made heeseung call her 'mother'.

heeseung could barely count or remember the amount of siblings he really had, and that was the first time after his mother's passing that he began doubting his father's whole 'holy' act. what could be so spiritual about not letting your own wife get real help? about bashing her in front of the whole community, after her passing? anytime heeseung was forced to pray, he would think about his mother and beg her to save him somehow. he wanted to read about something else than whatever his father produced on paper. upon studying the papers further, spending hours slumped over the various pages - none of it made sense. some sentences were the opposites of others, things were executed without any real reason given other than making people think only to obey the one and only messiah yang. heeseung knew that this was wrong. that there was something else behind the stone walls guarding the closed off community.

he knew that his father and all his most trusted members of the community were doing everything in their power not to let anyone in. only the ones who repented their sins and got baptised on the outside could be worthy of entering into this community. not any stranger, no one that could cause havoc or unfaithfulness in the members. but one day, maybe two years ago; half a year ago - he didn't really know, because no one was allowed to keep count of the days, years or hours inside the community. calendars, clocks or diaries weren't allowed for anyone other than messiah yang. but heeseung was sneaky. he knew how to keep a good facade in front of his father but what he really did was study all the flaws, problems and analyse. he kept a small stack of books in his room, one particularly important, because inside was shoved a calendar. he'd note the dates whenever he was sure that his father wouldn't look or the other kids wouldn't tell on him. he'd note wrote about his doubts, the unclear stuff in his father's teachings, how none of it was adding up in the end. and he made a note about the time when his father made him clean something in the attic of the chapel. he was just moving boxes and stacks around, searching for a cloth or something when he heard a commotion outside.

the members had long gone way to the orchards or fields, tended to the animals away from the chapel. he heard some voices - one definitely his father's, a few other that he didn't really recognise. creeping down the stairs, he stayed hidden while having a pretty clear view to the conversation happening downstairs. his father and his members stood there, accompanied by three strangers. the men were dressed in clothes different to the one's community members had - way more casual, dark colours and weird materials. they were arguing about something with heeseung's father, calling him names. they said something about a nearby city, and that moment stayed with heeseung.

there definitely was something other than this closed community. he never told anyone about his thoughts, notes or doubts. he couldn't. he would probably get hung on a cross if his father even sniffed him thinking incorrectly. he was the 'god's son, he needed to be as indoctrinated as a stupid lamb could be. exactly how you were.

the day of your wedding went by really fast. your wedding attire was loose and white too, it just resembled the everyday clothes all members wore. because tight clothes were sinful. your hair was tied into two long braids, both your heads were covered by flower crowns as you stood in front of everyone and prayed and promised everything messiah yang said. heeseung could barely say the words with straight face, because it was all so weird and kind of disgusting.

"no intimacy for reasons other than to bring more lives to this world and this community."

"keep each other's faith strong and unwavering."

"pray every day to thank god for bringing you two together."

"listen to your husband as he is to become your master to obey."

the way you just repeated the words with no problem whatsoever, your eyes trusting and full of faith was making heeseung feel bad for you. you really were a pretty girl, he had noticed you a few times before in passing; in the church or just around the community, but he never was allowed to interact with the opposite gender. now you were going to be his wife and all he could think about was not becoming like his father. you reminded him of his mother, the way she trusted that messiah yang would cure her illness because he was a god only to end up passing away in pain and being replaced, remember as a sinner by everyone. heeseung wanted to save himself from this hell, but now he had you to think about too.

they didn't even give you two any rings, just cut your long braids after the ceremony, leaving the hair unevenly falling over your shoulder blades. a symbol of your marital status changing. every married girl went through this in the community, because they couldn't afford to buy rings, so they made up stupid rules instead that would control the women. the men told him that he'd need to keep your hair and your free will short, whatever that meant. it wasn't funny to him at all, but he shot them a smile and a polite nod to keep the face in front of everyone. the food for the ceremony was prepared by the older women, with things that the community harvested and some people played instruments. after everything was said and done, came time for the real marriage stuff. your new house was too big for two people, probably given to you because heeseung's father told the others to move out 'to prove their faith' - as he always preached to justify his own selfish decisions and desires. and giving his son and his new wife a big house was one of them. besides, he thought that it would get filled with little kids in no time.

only heeseung didn't want to. upon moving in, he kept his distance from you for the first few days until you got comfortable enough with the new situation to reach out to him first. he'd sleep in another room and tell you to lie if anyone asked about your intimacy. he just didn't want to cause you any discomfort about sharing a bed and needed to take on the responsibilities of a wife at only seventeen. not that he was any older, but his life was way worse compared to yours and maybe that made him more mature early on. he was mostly busy helping his father like always, but on the times whenever you two were nearby or even alone, he always kept you close and in his eyesight. for safety. he thought that you were pretty, of course, and really enjoyed the times whenever he would get to hold your hands or kiss your forehead or your pink cheeks. he was fond of you the same way kids cared for cute animals; he needed to make you trust him for now. lakeside walks and saving you fruits from dinner seemed to do the job just fine.

you were his woman now, his wife to protect. so whenever all the people were supposed to work on the fields: watering, weeding out, harvesting in the scorching sun, heeseung would always double his work just to make it easier on you. you didn't need to get your hands too dirty or get tired from working. he also never let you climb up the higher ladder to pick up fruits. he knew that the other men weren't looking at him with respect, but they really disapprove of his behaviour towards you. you were his wife and needed to obey him; not be treated too nicely. but they way you smiled whenever he brought you tea or helped with cleaning dishes after dinner, was hard to dislike. he wanted to earn your trust and friendship, because you were delicate and precious to heeseung in a way. he saw that everything about messiah yang's old, strict rules and boundaries about marriage was wrong and he didn't want to participate in things like that. he needed your understanding and mutual respect to save you from this place.

then one night, he decided that it was time. heeseung sat you on the bed once he confirmed to himself that no one was nearby to lurk or overhear the things he wanted to confess. he closed the tall door and locked it securely. "can i tell you something? we're married and i want to be honest with you."

you looked quite spooked, that much as evident by how rigid your posture was and the way your eyes followed his every move closely. "yes, of course you can tell me."

"don't be scared, it's not like ... hm," he wondered on how to word this sore topic. he couldn't just say 'my father's lying' and expect you not to tell on him, because you seemed to be really deep in your faithfulness and beliefs in messiah yang's power. "i've always believed everything my father said, like everyone else here. but after my mother died ... she wasn't a sinner, she believed that my father could heal her. but what i'm saying is that he can't heal people. she died in pain and he told everyone that she lost faith, that wasn't the truth. and honestly, i don't think we're safe here, y/n." heeseung said it all really carefully, still a little scared of your reaction. you were his wife, but he wasn't sure if he could trust you fully with how brain-washed you had been for the past years.

"what do you mean? but—" you looked genuinely troubled, confused as your wide eyes roamed over his face in search of answers. he just said something so ... unexpected.

he didn't know any other way to explain than to simply show you all the notes he made, the dates and stuff he had gathered in secret. all laid out on the floor of your bedroom in the middle of the night, were flaws of his father's religion, mistakes he had made while creating the masterpiece of his life, the lies he said. all evidence was there, thorough analysis of the words, whole sentences or pages that weren't adding up at all. you spent until dusk looking at everything, reading the notes heeseung made and trying to wrap your head around the fact that messiah yang's own son was doubting his religion. by the time you finally looked up to heeseung, also sitting on the floor by now, it was already light outside again. "i don't understand."

"i know— i know that it's hard to understand. i know that it may seem hard to accept, but please, y/n. think about it. don't just blindly go and tell on me in the chapel, they'll send me for death in an instant. i believe that i am right in this, that there could be something more outside for us." he nearly pleaded, holding your hands tightly in his. he could very well just try to make you obey him like every man in the church would do to their wives, but he truly wanted you to understand and believe him. you were married now and he needed to save you from this place. he was always so gentle and soft-spoken towards you, respected you more than any man ever would.

so why would heeseung lie? but then, why would messiah yang lie? you were so confused that you felt like crying, because he was your husband and he was making you doubt your faith right now, which could potentially send you both straight to hell. heeseung saw the moment you started getting overwhelmed and gently moved over to hold you. his warm, long arms wrapped around your shaky form on the floor and he tried to calm you down. "don't cry. i know that you're overwhelmed and confused, but it's okay. we don't have to do anything about it, you just can't tell anyone. it'll be our secret, okay? i won't bring it up again."

you only quieted down when he helped you match your breathing to his long, stable one. he didn't expect the first talk about this to go over smoothly, but you seemed really untrusting of him, so he hid away the notes for the time being. the next time he tried to talk to you about the stuff happening inside the community, about some really messed up things like polygamy, people having no personal belongings and doing everything in their power to please the messiah's desires, you seemed a little more thoughtful, actually considering his words and trying to take everything in. still, you went to the chapel the next day. of course he went with you. not going would be a sin. but he saw the change happening in your eyes and felt hopeful.

"can i sleep in your room?" it was already dark outside, the two of you had gone to beds a long time ago; to your rooms on the opposite sides of the house. you stood in the doorway, the floorboards creaking underneath your bare feet when you dared to walk inside. you couldn't stop thinking about the things heeseung said lately and going to the chapel now, chanting prayers and listening to messiah yang's words left you feeling unsettled and uncomfortable. you couldn't sleep alone tonight.

"of course, come in." your husband sat up immediately, moving to the right side of the bed. he helped you get underneath the covers and held you close, his big arms enveloping your shaky silhouette gently. "don't think about it tonight, you're always safe with me."

"thank you."

having your own house, a locked room away from his father's watchful eye and having earned your trust, or at least your silence: heeseung could start gathering things. some clothes his father took away from new members and hid away - old jackets, some worn out boots or sweaters. he stored a backpack and grabbed a few leftover stuff from dinners or breakfasts to have just in case. his body was in a constant fight or flight mode, because he felt like he was being watched; like your lives were being monitored too closely and it was making him feel weird. he needed to be careful with his suspicions, his plans, so he only told you the most important things to open your eyes a little. but he didn't push you into taking on his beliefs, into rejecting messiah yang's words instantly, just let you figure it out for yourself for now. well, until he couldn't let you stay there for any longer. he knew well enough to by protecting you, he was only putting you in more danger, but he couldn't help himself.

since it had been three weeks after your wedding already and there were no signs of pregnancy in you - all the men and his father called heeseung in a meeting. no women allowed. because what they did was give him a long talk about bringing fresh souls to the community; giving life to new generations; the joys of fatherhood and how it kept wives in line. they talked and talked, prayed and prayed until the sun had set down a long time ago. while the chapel got darker and only the candle lights flickered, messiah yang spoke up. "i had a vision, my son. for the heavens have made a grave mistake in choosing your wife; she is a sinner. bring her to me tomorrow, i shall deal with her the right way and we ought to find you another wife, one full of faith and ready to bless us all with her ripeness."

heeseung's blood ran cold. what did he mean 'bring her to me'? a 'grave mistake'? that could only mean one thing, and not a good one. "father—"

"no!" the messiah cut heeseung off as soon as he could with a loud hiss. there was no questioning his words, ever, because he was speaking through god or something like that. "you ought to bring that dishonourable girl to me tomorrow and i'll repent for ever allowing her into my chapel, into my son's life!"

heeseung could only nod helplessly. he nodded through everything else too, putting on the front he had been holding for the last few years. a good, faithful and obedient son to the holy preacher of god's word. only the messiah was a self proclaimed 'god' that brain washed everyone into repeating his words until the end of their miserable lives. he knew exactly what would happen to you in the closed doors of the chapel if he brought you there to his father and all the men. he didn't even want to think about letting anyone harm you like that, you were too precious and dear to him now. which was why the moment the night fell and all doors were closed, candles blown and put away, when the community members were locked inside their houses, heeseung grabbed your arms with his shaky hands and spoke as clearly as he could. "listen to me now. we need to run."

"run?" you questioned instantly, because you had just been baking bread and your husband was telling you to run. his eyes were wide and serious, almost bloodshot with worry. the hold he had on your arms was painfully tight, shaky fingers digging into your skin. that alone should've told you how serious he was.

"yes. my father said that he had a vision, that you were a sinner. they're going to kill you, y/n. do you understand me? we need to run right now." he was nearly shaking your silhouette now, trying to make you understand the importance of the situation that you had fallen victim too .

"what? kill me? heeseung—" you wanted to laugh at the absurdity of his words, but couldn't. he wouldn't lie, not about this. maybe he wasn't lying about anything. maybe his father really was the one lying instead. but the thought of having lived your whole life in a lie was a hard pill to swallow, one you didn't want to accept. it could be easier to pretend that your father had gone insane and was rebelling against his father, bringing you onto the dark side of doubting messiah yang.

"let's go! they're gonna be here first thing in the morning and we need to get out somehow. i won't let them harm you, but you need to believe me, y/n." he sounded more panicked than you were feeling, because he understood the full gravity of this situation. he had heard about things like that happening before, but the kids were always kept out of the loop of what was really happening in this community. he wasn't blaming you for behaving like you were, he couldn't, but he really needed you to listen. "you see the huge cross they put above the pond where he baptises members? they're probably gonna hang you there, because they think that you're a sinner. please—"

"okay. okay, i believe you. i really believe you, i don't wanna die." there were tears in your eyes and you started shaking too; shivers of fear spreading through your whole body at the horror of his words. you weren't sure if he was being a hundred perfect serious, but you could clearly see the huge cross from your window - and you didn't want to bleed out on that thing like some sacrifice for christ. you saw the signs your husband had been bringing to your attention lately; about how every member that couldn't be saved by messiah yang had been deemed a sinner, to have lost their faith which brought death over them.

"hey, hey, but don't cry. please. we need to be quiet about everything." heeseung could only take so much of your scared demeanour. he made sure to hug you long and tight enough that you would calm down enough for his plan to work out flawlessly.

"okay, okay." the second you agreed, heeseung moved in silence, but very quickly and efficiently. he put a long, dark jacket over his shoulders and shoved a sweater onto you; packed some foods and water into a small bag then grabbed your hand tightly in his and lead you out of the house. you were careful not to make any sounds in the night air. you only took the most important things, your clothes weren't yours, just loose pieces of white material sewn together to fit everyone the same but heeseung brought the colourful outerwear out of somewhere to shield you both from the cold. your legs were shaking like they were made out of gelatine, you held onto your husband's warm hand like it could save you from whatever harm was preying on you. you were scared, trying not to whimper loudly from holding in your cries of horror. you couldn't believe that you were running away from everything you knew, because your husband told you that your own community wanted to kill you now. he kept looking behind you two, tried to stay low in places where someone could possibly see the two runaways, but everything was empty and clearly. there was no real exit to simply walk out of this closed-off community, no way out of there that was accessible and wouldn't involve at least five men and very loud shuffling - which was out of the question entirely. but there was a place where the stone wall got worn down a little, and some community members stored their big barrels, crates there. when placed correctly, it was a staircase to the top. heeseung figured it out months ago.

"i'm gonna go first and you'll hold my hand. then i'll catch you, okay?" you didn't trust him at all right now. not when the stone wall was at least two metres high and you needed to climb some uneven, old crates to get to the top. and jump. but heeseung did it all so flawlessly, held out a hand to help you step on the barrels securely. you closed your eyes when jumping down the top, only to feel heeseung trying to relieve your fall ... you felt weirdly free, the cold air of the night breezing through your short hair and loose clothes. "i got you, i got you—" but then reality manifested itself on you and the two of you ended up falling to the grass, the nearby bushes amortised the fall only a little.

you were officially a sinner now. there was no way back there now. you were running away back from everything you knew, your home and family. you chose to believe heeseung, to bet everything on him being right about his father being a liar, about the religion being a sham full of evil intentions. if anything could bring you salvation and peace, it was running away from this place once and for all.

"let's go." once on the other side, heeseung didn't even give you any time to think or breathe. he just grabbed your hand again and started running through the woods, dragging you along. the boots he gave you were too big and made you stumble every other few steps, but at least they kept your feet from getting scratched by rocks or thorns underneath. your veins were pumping full of adrenaline, the rush and fear causing your legs to move faster, your hold on his hand to remain tight and you weren't losing breath nearly as fast as you usually did. the woods were dark and mysterious, but you two were set on running. no sounds even registered in your mind, not a snap of a twig, not the howls of some animals. you needed to run for your lives - especially now. once everyone found out that you two had left, they would probably look for you. so you needed to get as far away as you could before the sun rose again and his father would figure everything out. if someone found you both now, you'd be good as dead. it was crazy, how despite not being able to see anything clearly, having no real clue about what direction you were running to - none of you even caught a root or slammed into a tree, because the pure rush of horror kept you energised and focused enough to swiftly avoid any obstacle on the way. heeseung was practically dragging you after him, making sure to hold your fingers through his almost painfully tight and lead you somewhere safe. but where was 'safe'? you were in the middle of the woods, an unknown hectare of woods, bushes and wild animals. he was just desperate to never be found by those people again.

when your lungs were on the verge of giving out, you were just dragging your legs and there were tears in your eyes, heeseung stopped. "i think we're far enough. we can just walk now and find someplace to sleep." he looked at you with soft eyes, noticing how flushed your face looked and the way you panted heavily. of course he felt bad for making you run for who knows how many kilometres, but he couldn't just let them harm you. you were married; you were all he had now and letting you stay in the fucked up, closed community under messiah yang's dictatorship was not an option. running a hand through his messed up, sweaty hair, he dared to look back in the direction where the stone wall should be. it was long gone now, but the shrill of fear was still inside him, keeping him on edge.

you both sat down nearby a small stream of shallow water, side by side on a big fallen tree trunk. it was covered in moss by now, a little wet from the cold air of the night. after catching your breaths and regaining the feel in your legs, heeseung started making a fire to somehow get you to warm up. there weren't any fishes in the water to catch for food, so old, stale bread was it - you couldn't exactly be mad about it. at least he thought of bringing some food and getting you shoes and a chunky sweater beforehand. "i'm scared to sleep here. what if a bear eats us?"

heeseung looked up with a smile from where he kept trying to lit up a fire, the dull sound of rubbing twigs against each other the only sound between nature's echoes; hooting owls, rustle of leaves and footsteps of wild animals in distance. "that's why i'm trying to start a fire. animals stay away from that. and it'll keep us warm."

"oh, right." you nodded, smiling a little despite everything. it was strange, but at least you felt safer out here. with him. you didn't even know when exactly you felt asleep, the two of you cuddled up in a small open field between huge trees. but heeseung couldn't close his eyes or rest for long. he just kept you close to him, watching you doze off peacefully on his chest. he felt on edge, like he was still waiting on someone to come and try to find you. he needed to keep you safe and you were the safest in his arms, your head tucked into his jacket gently. he brought danger on you the moment his father married you two: his schemes, disloyalty to his father's religion, inability to force the schemes of an obedient wife and master husband on you from day one: it all became the reason why you got targeted. so he needed to shield you from all harm of messiah yang's made up religion. but what if he was dead wrong? what if he became your sin and you'd get hurt in the process?

after you woke up, he peeled some oranges he stored earlier for breakfast, and just kept handing you the small pieces as you two walked hand in hand. the forest was different when it was actually light - it was kind of peaceful actually. no rules, no weird rituals or sharing goods with everyone; you two were free now. "promise me you'll never believe in any religion ever. just believe in yourself."

"and us. i promise." he still had no idea where he was going he was leading you, but he was sure that they'd stumble upon a town eventually. that there was someone that could help you two. but you must've walked for two or three days straight now, with no sight of anything other than trees, fields or small streams. you agreed on following the water uphill, because maybe it would actually lead you somewhere. but the moment you were left with no food to suffice your all day long walks, you two obviously started getting weaker and less hopeful. your once pristine white clothes were stained with dirt of the forest, ragged at the bottoms and you definitely looked awful.

"i can't walk anymore, heeseung." you sighed, breathing deeply after having walked up half the way up some gigantic hill. your muscles were killing you and heeseung was just dragging you like some ragged doll. you had no strength left in you and it was beginning to get dark.

"come on, y/n. please, we'll have a clear view of everything on the top," the moment you saw his pleading expression, his steady hands helping you walk at a slower pace now. he was almost sure that if there wasn't a town on the top, at least you could probably see more of the forest to know where you should head now.

you really wanted to lay down and cry. you were starving and tired, you felt dirty and you were still scared of getting eaten by wolves in the dark woods. you didn't find a whole town, but a small wooden house. the doors were loose, but it was empty. you stormed inside, looking for some candles to lit up and food to eat. you made sure not to eat all the foods that were there; some canned soups, stale bread, pickled vegetables. "we should sleep here."

"mhm, it looks abandoned." heeseung found blankets and sheets for the small bed in the corner. you two sat huddled up underneath the heavy materials, enjoying pickled vegetables on the hard bread you found. it was still better than nothing. and there was a bed.

you were overwhelmed after eating, your empty stomaches finally getting something inside. it honestly felt like heaven, to eat something and sleep in a soft, warm bed, cuddled up to heeseung. you didn't realise that this could be classified as stealing someone's food and breaking in, because you truly lacked social skills and awareness that normal people had. it just felt good to finally have some sense of independence, to do whatever you wanted. even if it involved sleeping in a forest some days and eating someone else's old food. if that's what sin felt like, you didn't want to get into heaven at all. no prayer or sacrament ever brought heeseung as much peace and happiness as having you here did. he could finally sleep through the night without being on edge and worrying. your warm weight on his chest was comforting, he wanted to feel like that always. to make you feel secure and happy. he really didn't mean to drag you through the cold woods for days on end without food, he was simply really desperate to shield you from harm; to get you away from that community as soon as possible before they could kill you.

morning light streamed through the window and woke you two up. you were tangled in the sheets together, sweaty from dealing with sleeping in that small bed together and sharing warmth. "i don't wanna move." you shifted more into his arms, craving the peacefulness.

"i know. but we have to." he smiled at you, his lips finding your forehead on their own to plant a soft kiss there. he would've stayed with you anywhere you asked, just as long as you were content and taken care of. but he couldn't let you two stay here for long, not when this wasn't what he imagined for you. you needed real help, to get in contact with normal people, with a proper society that would free everyone from messiah yang's community. and staying here could potentially lead them to find you, which heeseung couldn't have. "let's eat breakfast, grab the food and one blanket. then we should go."

the next few days of walking were quite nice. you had pickled vegetables, matches, gathered berries on the way and even made friends with some small animals like a hedgehog and a young fawn. this part of the woods was less crowded by huge trees, it had more light and wasn't as scary. you held onto heeseung's hand tightly as you strolled between the nature's habitat. there were no expectations, no set times for chanting prayers on your knees for hours, no weird rituals and disappearances of members that were deemed unfaithful. it was just you and heeseung. you'd call this romantic, if you knew more vocabulary than what was written in books only approved by messiah yang. sleeping underneath the stars with one thick blanket and a faint bonfire lit up close by. just simple intimacy of being together, being safe and loving each other. maybe you didn't actually want to be found.

however, living in a forest like wild kids was a bad idea in the long run. no running water, no actually soft and comfortable bed to sleep on, no sufficient food supplies. it was nice, because you were together. but heeseung really needed to find the nearest town and tell everyone about the abuse, the lies and horrifying things that were going on at the closed off community in the middle of the woods. and thankfully, not long after, you two stumbled upon a forester, an older guy just roaming the woods to make sure that everything was in order. the confusion and utter horror he felt when he saw you two - clothes alone already signaling that you had came from a cult community, now all dirty and ragged from stumbling through the forest for days. two kids with nothing but a small bag of stolen food, blanket and you in boots too big.

"what happened to you, kids?" the man asked carefully, extending a hand in a declaration of peace.

"we need help." was all heeseung managed to say, shaking his hand tentatively while you stood behind him like a scaredy cat. the two of you looked exhausted and anxious, like some wild forest animals.

the forester man immediately brought you two to the sheriff in town. heeseung was scared of being fooled, of putting you in more danger, so he kept an arm around you for safety. you were his wife, he needed to protect you at all costs. he got you this far already, maybe people outside of the cult of messiah yang truly were different. everyone looked at you, worn out and dirty, like you were some sort of an attraction in town. they whispered, but still lead you to the office with the town's sheriff and got you some tissues and clean clothes. they weren't anything like what you were used to. instead of loose, thing white material you were put into jeans one size too big that were kinda stiff and a big shirt. heeseung got pretty much the same outfit, because it was all from the lost and found or whatever people donated to victims. anything was better than the dirty, wet clothes from before.

the two of you sat in a small room with warm tea refills and donuts, blankets pulled over your shoulders. heeseung took the time to explain everything thoroughly. the closed off community, all the lies, secrets, deceits, dictatorship and self-proclaimed spirituality. all the teenage marriages, multiple child brides and grooms, polygamy, murders, incests, schemes: everything came to light about the off-grid community that messiah yang operated. the sheriff wrote everything down and promised to take action as quickly as possible to uncover everything and free the people, to bring justice for messiah yang's victims.

"we think it's best that we place you in a shelter housing for now. it's especially made for victims of abuse, escapees from places like yours. would that be okay with you two?" one of the social services workers talked to the two of you in a gentle voice, trying to get you all the necessary help. you couldn't just live at a normal housing for teenagers, because you had gone through abnormal conditions and you didn't have any further education or social skills necessary to be a normal part of the society. "and i'm really sorry to inform you, but i'm gonna need to tell you that your marriage isn't valid. you got married unrightfully as kids, it wasn't registered anywhere. do you understand?"

"what? no, but we— that can't be right." you couldn't understand what she was saying, your grasp on heeseung's - your husband's arm tightening. what did she mean? you were together for so long, been through so much and you didn't trust anyone other than him.

"i'm sorry. but you two are just kids, we can't respect minors getting married."

and they decided that it would be best to separate you and heeseung. that your relationship would harm you more than help in getting used to living in a normal environment; your marriage wasn't valid, because you were seventeen. so they ended up moving you two to different towns after two weeks of you two sharing the same housing. once the whole cult community got exposed and they evacuated all the victims of messiah yang's abuse, they moved you two to different therapy and socialisation programs to help the progress.

"i'm just glad that you're finally safe. we'll meet again," heeseung walked into your room on the last night of your stay in the same place together. he grew really fond of you, cared about your wellbeing and he honestly got used to having you by his side by the time. you invited him to sleep with you, because he made you feel safe. you didn't want to leave him at all, you wanted to stay with him forever. he got you out of the hell you were stuck in and you really felt something for him. that night he kissed your forehead gently as a goodbye and promised that you'd be safe now, no matter what. even if he wasn't near to keep an eye on you - as long as you weren't in the vicinity of messiah yang, because he was serving life in jail, you would live a happy life.

"i ... don't know what it is, but you make me very safe and i don't want to leave. i think i love you."

"i love you too." you kissed him. your lips touched his just briefly, very gently. it was about the need of closeness, the shared warmth and safety. you didn't even know how to kiss, it was awkward and too soft to be considered as needy or sexual. you just wanted to kiss him, because it might be the last time that you were this close to him. you were really married in your heads. no matter how wrong it was to normal people, he was your husband. you remembered walking through the woods hand in hand, him holding you tightly all night long underneath the bright stars above. you had never felt anything like that, and probably never would again.

you cried all night in each other's embrace. if it was hard for you, it felt hundred times worse for heeseung. he never loved anyone other than his mother, he never even felt loved by anyone. his father was proud of him, but he wouldn't have called it love. it wasn't ever unconditional or certain, anything came with a price in the community you two were raised in. the more you prayed and obeyed, the more messiah yang would vouch for you in the day of god's final judgement. but you were so innocent and trusting, your relationship wasn't ever built on the rules of obedience or sexuality. you got close because he cared for you, he wanted to save you from the hell of his father's made up cult community, because he cared for you. because he was a good human. and you also cared for him, because he was so good to you. because you gave him the last piece of the orange when nothing else was left to eat. you trusted him with your life; let him take you away from all you knew, from your family and community.

maybe it was just some trauma bond that brought you two so close together in such a short amount of time. maybe the therapists were right to pull you two apart, to prohibit any contact between two very lost and traumatised kids that got put through some very mentally damaging practices of a deranged man that believed himself to be some holy spirit. heeseung never saw any of his other siblings, let alone you. it hurt really bad, but got dulled down with time passing, hours of therapy and socialisation. by the time he was twenty five, he was a normal person in a normal town. he moved a lot. to escape from the nightmares that still haunted him. he blamed himself for his father's actions. for all the innocent lives he took - his mother's especially. and he blamed himself for not putting a stop to it sooner; for not getting help earlier when he could. he knew about his father's lies from an early age, but only found it in himself to escape when your life got threatened. but what if you got married to another man? then you would've probably lived your whole life there, in the community, had kids and died like everyone else. he was still glad that he helped you escape. that he could be the reason that you felt safe, that you knew how it really felt to have someone take care of you. and you gave him that same feeling too, even if you didn't realise it at the time.

it was lonely, carrying the entire baggage by himself. the memories and nightmares kept him awake and in a constant state of anxiety. whenever he thought of you - his y/n, his wife, his chest would ache so deeply that it made him feel sick. he missed you so much that he wanted to pray, but there was nothing to pray to - he couldn't let himself believe in any artificial gods. you promised each other that you wouldn't ever start professing a faith in anything other than yourselves, that you would find each other someday eventually. he didn't know if you missed him, if you would even want to see him ever again in your life, but he needed to find you somehow. you were the reason he felt brave enough to run away and help everyone in the community; you were really the woman he loved. even if your marriage was too soon and too much, because you were expected to have kids at seventeen yet didn't even have a ring. the what if's were killing him, the unknown, uncertainty about how you were doing, what you were feeling, how you coped with the real world and your trauma. he needed to see you again, he sincerely regretted letting the people separate you back then. they didn't know anything.

the moment he finally saw you again, at a train station where you agreed to meet the week prior when he reached out to you, he nearly fell to his knees. you still looked like the girl he 'married' at seventeen; the one he run away with. your once bluntly cut hair have grown longer now, falling prettily over your back and you were definitely a woman now. you matured, grew up beautifully. seeing you now, at twenty five, he grasped just how little you were back then; thrown into marriage at seventeen by his own father. it was traumatic and he felt unsettled at the thought of possibly being intimate with you before like everyone wanted him to - good thing he respected you, kept boundaries. he would never have forgiven himself for being cruel to you previously when you were still so young and indoctrinated. "y/n!"

"heeseung—" you gasped in shock, running up to the man that stood before you. no longer a lanky teenager that made you break your faith and run away. he was taller, sharper, but his dark eyes still held the same softness when looking at you. you were wrapped up in each other's arms in no time, nothing else mattered now other than holding him. "i missed you."

"i missed you so much." he held the back of your head tightly, his hold almost shaky with emotion. he was whispering into your ear, his words blending into one as he started tearing up. "i thought you hated me— i'm so sorry about everything that happened, i should've done something"

"i could never hate you. i missed you so much, i wanted to see you again so bad. i love you, i still love you. it wasn't your fault." your words were spoken into his sweater, your fingers fisting the material over his back. you probably looked like two idiots, crying on a train's platform and declaring love without any social awareness.

"i love you, i love you so much. i missed my wife—" it wasn't heeseung's or yours fault that you got married as kids back then, you didn't blame him. you couldn't blame him for that, it wasn't his decision to make. but he made the decision to protect you, to get you out of the living hell safely and not to cross any weird boundaries that were established by the men in your community. you missed him too, missed having him by your side as your husband.

the authorities, therapists said that seeing each other would probably worsen your traumas, that it would deepen your post traumatic disorders, it could potentially send you into depression or some manic episodes. you grew into believing that when you'd see heeseung, if you ever would - all the nightmares would come back again with more power. that you would remember all the things you had to do in the community, all the times messiah yang would make you pray on your knees and chant his name in the chapel until everyone was stupidly indoctrinated to stop thinking and just start repeating. they said that if you ever heard heeseung's voice, you would be hit with the memories of when he begged you to run away, when he said that the people you trusted wanted to take your life.

but no. you and heeseung were just glad to see each other, to finally reunite as free people. you knew that you loved each other, despite how horrifying your whole lives were, how messed up your childhood was by messiah yang's delusions. he actually slept nicely for once when he was holding you again in his arms, like the time when you got married so young. it shouldn't have been a surprise that moved in together eventually and brought rightful wedding rings for the two of you. you didn't need any papers or a church wedding to love each other unconditionally. you still only believed in yourselves and the loved you shared; maybe in destiny too. not in anything else, never in the power of anything other than what brought you two together again. you didn't have much, because you never really went to normal schools, but you were happy. happiest you could feel, just because you two reunited again despite how your relationship had started.

You knew the risks that came with dating a doctor when you and Heeseung had first gotten together. Sure it was amazing dating someone as intelligent and dedicated to career as him but sometimes that came at the expense of your relationship.

Heeseung was very committed to his job despite all the things that came as a consequence of it. Although he was frequently overworked, burnt out or simply just exhausted, he would always push through when it came to work, determined to still provide his patients with the best care possible.

However, at times it felt as though he took his anger, which was truly a culmination of all his stresses from work, out on you even though it wasn’t your fault. At first, he was better at expressing his emotions, better at telling you when he had a rough day at work and needed some alone time which you would always respect. But as of recently it felt like this wasn’t happening as much anymore.

Instead of actually having a conversation and allowing you to comfort and console him, he’d lash out at you when it all got too much. Obviously he never meant to direct his anger towards you but now because of this the two of you argued often.

Tonight didn’t seem to be an exception to this.

You’re in the kitchen preparing a dinner for you and Heeseung to share before he goes to work, when he walks in dawning his hospital attire. “Hee, I thought you weren’t at work until 7 tonight??” You look down at your watch confirming that it’s in fact still five o’clock and that you aren’t running late.

“Sorry sweetheart, i got called in early because of a massive influx of patients,” he gives you a sincere, apologetic look sensing that you’re upset about the rare time the two of you can spend together being interrupted.

“B-but I thought you said tonight we could finally have a few hours of peace to ourselves…just me and you. No work.”

Heeseung sighs, pulling you into his arms. He knows he isn’t the best at expressing his emotions but his heart breaks every time it feels like he’s sacrificing you for his job. “I know sweetheart, I know. But unfortunately the circumstances changed and these people could be really sick. They need me right now.”

That was true, but you also needed him right now. “God why did I have to end up dating someone more dedicated to their career than me. It’s annoying,” you swear it’s supposed to come off as a joke, that you said it in a sarcastic tone. But it doesn’t seem to land that way, instead it sounds more like a criticism or insult.

Immediately you feel Heeseung pull away slightly causing you to miss his warmth as the atmosphere shifts to a much colder one. “W-wait Hee I didn’t…I didn’t mean to say that. I-I’m so sorry…I-i don’t know…”

“You seriously think it’s annoying that I actually care about my job?! Y/N do you know how much effort to get where I am today??” No ‘sweetheart’, no other form of stupid name. You’d royally screwed up here. “You know how much of my life I gave up to go to medical school. So yeah I’d say I am pretty damn dedicated to this job, I’m sorry that’s an inconvenience to you.”

He begins to walk towards the door about to leave but you grab onto his wrist trying to stop him from doing so. “I-I’m sorry Hee…I am so sorry. I-I didnt mean it…I-“

“Y/N, I don’t have the time for an apology right now. I know you might not mean it but I have to go. There are patients who need me.”

Reluctantly, you let go of him and he walks out of the house, the door slamming coldly behind him. Leaving you and your tears of frustration alone in the now tense apartment.

🫀

Heeseung doesn’t let your argument get to him too much once he arrives at the hospital. Like he’d already stressed to you multiple times, there were patients who needed him and he couldn’t let something so silly affect the standard of care they received. So he pushed any thought about you or that incident out his mind, fully switching into professional mode.

He doesn’t bother to check up on you during his break despite the fact deep down he does feel rather guilty for leaving you at home alone in such an upset state. He knows that you never truly meant to hurt him. Sure this job was mentally draining for him but also for those close to him, sometimes because of it they were pushed to the side even when Heeseung wanted them to be close.

He’s quickly snapped out of his thoughts by the voice of his colleague next to him, “Heeseung we need you. Some idiot ran a red light a few blocks away, a pedestrian got hit. They’re being brought here now.”

Within seconds Heeseung shifts from worried boyfriend back into doctor mode. “What’s the ETA??” He asks, voice firm.

“When I last heard it was 5 minutes but that was around 3 minutes ago so they’ll be here any moment now.”

True to his colleagues prediction barely a minute later, the doors to the ER burst open and a gurney is wheeled in. “Female, early to mid twenties, multiple injuries but vitals are stable for now!!” The paramedic shouts over the chaos of doctors and nurses.

To most people for now would’ve been good, it meant nothing bad had happened just yet. But here it almost always meant something would happen shortly afterwards.

That’s when Heeseung catches a glimpse of it. The promise ring he’d bought you a few months ago for your birthday. The tiny, gold ring catches in the glint of the fluorescent hospital lights and that’s when it well and truly hits him.

The woman lying on this hospital bed right now, the one who he has to treat, it’s you. His girlfriend. The one who he hadn’t bothered to check up on even though he knew you were upset. But now here you were, fate had brought you back together in a cruel way rather than the reconciliation that Heeseung would’ve liked.

He shakes that thought away, pulling himself back into the present. ‘Just another patient’ he tries to tell himself. Except this wasn’t just another patient, this was his love, his sweetheart and now her life rests in his hands.

Normally you’d hate him for being this dedicated to his job, but now he has to, for you.

Again, he switches back into doctor mode again. “What’s her BP now??” He asks a nearby nurse as he moves to take control of the room.

“Dropping slightly but still stable.”

Heeseung nods and leans down by your head in the name of ‘standards checks’ before speaking to you, his voice inaudible to everyone else but your unconscious body. “Sweetheart I know you’re probably mad at me right now but do not pull anything stupid on me right now. For me to apologise I need you to be conscious and alive not in this state.”

God he feels like such an idiot. He imagines that if you could see him right now you’d probably start laughing at him for turning into such a big softie.

“Why would someone even go out at night in such dark clothes…” one of the interns comments to another. “Surely she must’ve had a death wish, there was no way anyone would be able to see her.”

Heeseung’s expression darkens, “Are you seriously blaming the victim rather than the imbecile who decided to run a red light and hit her?!” He snaps at them, “The both of you can get out. Evidently you’re here to gossip, not help people.”

“Are you sure you want them out of here?? They could be of use if we need more hands later on??” A nurse whispers, trying to reason with him.

He promptly shakes his head, “If we need more hands we’ll find capable ones instead of ones who do not take the care of our patients seriously.”

He promptly shakes his head, “If we need more hands we’ll find capable ones instead of ones who do not take the care of our patients seriously.”

“Possible internal bleeding…someone page surgery and tell them they need an OR.”

As you’re wheeled towards the operating room, Heeseung stays by your side for as long as physically possible until his credentials can’t allow him to proceed any further. He slides down the wall, face in his hands as the doors slam shut behind you.

🫀

It’s not until a couple hours later when someone finally emerges from the doors. Heeseung has been sitting there, waiting, the entire time. His colleagues don’t bother to question his disappearance—they could already tell from how protective he was being, that there was something between the two of you.

His friend, Jungwon, who also happens to be a surgeon approaches him. “Something up with you Hee?? You know that girl??”

Heeseung looks at him with teary eyes before nodding. “Yeah um…” he pauses trying to think of the correct way to phrase it. After all, your relationship had pretty much been a secret from everyone apart from your families. “Yeah um she’s my girlfriend.”

Jungwon’s eyes widen, “Shit man…I’m sorry. What even happened??”

“I-I don’t know…I got called into work again early today even though I’d promised we could finally have a bit of time to ourselves. We got into an argument because of it but…I had to be here and then I-I don’t know what happened after.”

“Guess the universe made you spend time together after all,” Jungwon murmurs before realising that’s probably not what Heeseung needs to hear at this moment.

The two of them sit in silence for a little while, only the sounds of the busy hospital occasionally breaking it before Jungwon speaks up again. “Well you didn’t hear this from me but…I heard they were taking her to room 203. The nurses up there like you so maybe they’ll let you stay up there even though it’s technically past visiting hours.”

For a second hope glimmers in Heeseung’s eyes as he pushes himself off the wall. “Thanks Jungwon!! I owe you one!!” He says before rushing off towards room 203.

When he finally reaches the room you’re supposedly in he pushes the door open cautiously, just in case Jungwon overheard the wrong room number. But luckily for Heeseung, Jungwon was in fact correct and the nurse who was checking on you swiftly moves aside once she realises your relationship.

Heeseung sinks down into the chair beside your bed. He takes your hand gently into his as though you're something delicate he’s scared to break. Carefully he adjusts his grip to make sure he doesn’t disturb any of the IV tubes in order to help you recover.

The entire situation felt unknown to him. Sure he was accustomed to seeing patients in this condition by now but not the one whom he loves most, you.

He sits there for hours and hours, tears silently falling from his eyes as he waits for you to finally awaken.

It’s not until around the middle of the night when you start to stir, the medication beginning to wear off is causing you to become increasingly uncomfortable and irritable. Before you’re fully awake and able to process where you are Heeseung has pressed the call button for a nurse.

“She needs some more pain meds…” he murmurs to the nurse who nods understandingly.

Despite the pain surging through your body you decide to make an attempt at sitting up instead of laying down. You feel a large, strong hand give you a small push back down onto the bed. “Sweetheart, it's me. Lie back down for me,” he soothes.

“Heeee?? That youuu?? I thought you were mad at meeee??” You slur, only slightly delirious from the pain medication.

He shakes his head, letting out a shaky breath as another tear rolls down his cheek. “No sweetheart I’m not mad…we can have this talk in the morning when you aren’t high out of your mind yeah??”

You gasp in offense, “I can’t be highhh!! You knowww I don’t do stuff like that silly!!”

His hand strokes your cheek tenderly, he manages to let out a watery chuckle at the fact you still have the same humour even in this state. “Right, silly me.”

The combination of the medication and just general exhaustion soon drags you back under into a deep, peaceful sleep. The nurse, who had been adjusting your medication, gives Heeseung a final sympathetic glance before exiting the room.

🫀

The next morning when you properly awaken for the first time since the accident, your entire body aches. It’s not the same sharp, stabbing pain that you vaguely remember being awoken by in the night but it still hurts.

Regardless of the pain you turn your head to see Heeseung slumped in the chair next to you. Still wearing his scrubs from the previous day, still clutching your hand in his.

You gingerly tap his hand wanting to wake him but also not startle him. When it doesn’t work after the first few tries you resort to making noise. “Heeeee,” you groan, your voice hoarse.

At the sound of your weak voice he wakes up almost instantly, scooting to the edge of his chair to be even closer with you. “Oh sweetheart…” he says, his voice already shaky again. Right now he wants nothing more than to embrace you in his arms.

“Hee,” you cough. “W-water please.”

Heeseung grabs the water bottle that one of the nurses had given him earlier on when they realised he had no intention to move from that seat until he had ensured you were okay. He tilts the water bottle up slightly, allowing you to drink easily without having to move too much. “Here. Take small sips, it should help your throat.”

Once your throat feels satisfied with the amount of water it’s received, Heeseung pulls the bottle away, placing it on a small table within your reach. “Never ever do anything like that ever again sweetheart. It scared the life out of me recognising your ring on that bloody gurney.”

“Sorryyyy. But then again I intended on going out for a walk to clear my head not to get hit by a car,” you defend.

“One of the interns said something about you and I genuinely almost lost it at them. I was so so scared of losing you sweetheart.”

You give a partially puzzled look, “So you aren’t mad at me anymore??”

Heeseung shakes his head, “Sweetheart seeing you like that it would be impossible to stay mad at you. Besides I eventually realised that you’d never mean it that way…and I get that work does take up a lot of my time but I would never ever put it over our relationship. I value that more than anything else in the world.”

“I guess I managed to find a loophole. You’re at work and now I’ve become your work aka your patient.”

“You’re unbelievable sweetheart.”

“Maybe,” you say with a shrug. “But I’m also yours.”

extra notes: can’t tell whether i love or hate this but leaning more towards love…

It really was a sight to see. 

Your best friend pressed up against your boyfriend like they’d invented the concept of gravity, her hands shamelessly roaming under the hem of his shirt while his mouth dragged along the line of her neck. 

No shame, not even a flicker of it. To the drunk, sweating crowd around them, it probably just looked like another hazy corner of the party—two bodies tangled in the dim lights, music blasting so loud it swallowed any guilt, if they cared to harbour any that is, but you saw everything.

To be more precise, you found out yesterday when they got bold enough to fuck each other at your boyfriend’s apartment, and oblivious enough to not notice your presence, or your low chuckle at the depravity of the situation. Instead of feeling mad, you felt that bone deep numbness. Why trust anyone at this point?

Emotionally unavailable, the label had never sounded so accurate, but was it truly your fault when you never felt the need to expect anything from him? It certainly was an experience faking your orgasms for him, but you cared on the deeper levels—well, till you found him balls deep inside your now ex best friend. 

So you sat there now on the worn leather couch, legs crossed, drink dangling from your fingers, watching them like it was just another Tuesday night show.

“Oh hey—you’re here! Have you seen Mina?” 

The voice cut through the haze of music and chatter, slightly breathless. You turned your head slowly, lashes lowering just a fraction as your gaze landed on Heeseung.

He stood a few feet away, tall and striking even in the crowd, dark maroon hair tousled like he’d rushed all the way here. His sharp jaw was tense, brows drawn together in mild confusion as he scanned the room. The leather jacket hanging off his broad shoulders caught the shifting lights, and for a moment, you wondered how he’d react to the news of his girlfriend in the arms of his best friend. 

You tilted your head, lips curving into a slow, amused smile that didn’t quite reach your eye, 

“yeah,” you said, voice smooth as you clicked your tongue, “right over there.”

You lifted your glass in a lazy gesture toward the corner, and Heeseung followed your line of sight. The shift in his expression was immediate and downright visceral. His eyes widened, pupils blown with disbelief as he took in the scene of Mina’s leg hooked shamelessly around his best friend’s hip, her mouth pressed to the underside of his jaw while his hands roamed with practiced familiarity. 

The way they moved together spoke of stolen nights and secret touches—months, maybe longer.

“They’re cheating,” you added lightly, almost conversationally, as if commenting on the weather as you took a slow sip from your drink, “bold choice, doing it in plain sight like this. Guess they figured neither of us would actually show up tonight—I mean, I did mention I wouldn’t.”

Heeseung’s adam’s apple bobbed visible, a flash of hurt brewed behind his eyes, before it ignited this anger within him, “what the fuck—” the words slipped out rather hoarse, broken. 

He didn’t really look at you, eyes locked on them as if he couldn’t look away. Before you could say anything else, he was moving, pushing through the dense crowd with single-minded intensity. You watched his retreating back for a moment, that same curiosity curling in your chest. It would’ve been a sight to stay and watch the fireworks, sure, but you just got up. 

You wove through the crowd without hurry, heels clicking softly up the narrow wooden stairs, each step carrying you farther from the mess downstairs.

The upstairs hallway was dimmer, and at the end of it, the balcony door was wide open, letting the night air slip in. You stepped outside, pulling a cigarette from the pack tucked in your jacket, lips closing around it as you flicked your lighter. 

First drag hit deep, filling your lungs with that bitter, familiar burn. You leaned against the railing, letting the smoke curl out slow between your parted lips, eyes half-lidded against the wind tugging at your hair.

For a minute, everything felt almost peaceful, comfortable even, then the door scraped open behind you, and Heeseung stepped out, breathing hard like he’d run the whole way up. His hair was messier now, dark burgundy strands falling into his eyes, and his face—god, his face was a wreck. Eyes glassy with everything he was trying not to feel, cheeks flushed, mouth pressed into a thin, angry line.

Without asking, he closed the distance in two long strides and plucked it right from your lips.

A surprised little chuckle slipped out of you before you could stop it, and you observed how he took a deep, shaky drag from where your lipstick had stained the cigarette, holding it in for long before he blew the smoke up toward the dark sky. His free hand gripped the railing tight enough that his knuckles went white. 

“Fucking hell,” he rasped, voice rough, “how long? Just—tell me how long they’ve been doing this behind our backs.”

“Since at least yesterday,” you said, “I walked in on them fucking in his dorm, didn’t even have the decency to lock the door,” a faint smile ghosted your lips, “I just closed it again and left.”

Heeseung’s head turned toward you slowly, eyes wide with shock, the cigarette nearly slipping from his fingers, “you saw them and didn’t say shit?”

You shrugged, “what was there to say? They wanted each other, and I’ve never been the type to drown myself that deeply anyway. It just felt odd to see Mina do it, that part did affect me, years of friendship drowned for what? A guy.”

Heeseung let out a disbelieving huff, running a hand through his already tousled hair, “Jaemin was my best friend, man. We’ve been tight since freshman year—shared everything. And now this?” His voice cracked slightly, “feels like a fucking knife in the back from both sides. They looked guilty for a second but didn’t even bother following me here to explain themselves, though they did have the audacity to ask me not to tell you.”

You studied him for a moment through his ramble, the way the balcony light cast sharp shadows across his sharp jaw and the pained lines around his eyes. He looked devastatingly undone, yet there was something resilient in the way he stood there, refusing to crumble completely. The sight stirred a spark in your chest—that familiar free-spirited curiosity. 

You passed the cigarette back to him after a puff, “people reveal their true colors eventually. It’s pragmatic to accept it and keep moving instead of letting it rot you from the inside.”

Silence stretched between you, thick with shared betrayal. Heeseung took another drag, then offered it back, his gaze lingering on your face with astute observation, like he was trying to peel back the layers of your calm detachment, he just couldn’t understand how you seemed so—unaffected?

You crushed the cigarette against the railing and flicked it into the night. That proactive restlessness bloomed brighter inside you, eyes gleaming with mischievous insight.

“Wanna do something fun?” You asked. 

Heeseung blinked, lips parting in surprise, “fun? Like right now?”

“Mhm,” you stepped closer, “are you okay with a kiss, Heeseung?”

His breath hitched audibly, throat bobbing, “a—a kiss?” The word came out hoarse, almost stunned. His gaze dropped to your mouth, lingering, before snapping back up, cheeks flushing darker, “you serious?”

“Very,” you held his stare, “yes or no?”

“Isn’t that cheating?” He looked devastatingly clueless even mumbling that question, and you raised your brow. 

“Yes or no?” You asked again. 

He searched your face, the raw pain still churning, but something hungrier kindled beneath it—curiosity. After a beat, he gave one slow nod making you chuckle.

You took his hand and led him back down into the party’s suffocating crowd, and he followed without asking any questions. In the corner, Jaemin and Mina were still shamelessly entangled, her arms looped around his neck, his hands possessive on her hips.

You stepped straight into their space without hesitation, grabbing Jaemin’s arm to pull him back. 

The sharp crack of your palm across Jaemin’s cheek echoed through the room, his head whipped sideways. Mina stumbled back with a gasp as the crowd around you froze, then erupted in murmurs and the bright flare of phone screens.

“What the fuck?” Jaemin snarled, clutching his reddening face, eyes blazing the instant recognition hit, “w—wait, Y/N?” 

Mina’s face drained of color, “we—we didn’t think you would show up tonight—”

You desperately wanted to laugh, but you maintained your character, cause how were they dumb enough to think that you wouldn’t find out, especially when Heeseung did too. 

“Clearly,” you said, getting ready to lie beautifully, “Heeseung told me everything. How long have you two been fucking behind our backs?”

Whispers exploded outward. Jaemin fumbled for excuses, mouth opening uselessly.

“I didn’t expect this from you Mina,” you mumbled, biting the inside of your cheek as tears started forming in her eyes.

“No—listen to me, we didn’t—”

“Whatever,” you continued, a crystalline laugh escaping you, “be happy with each other, I’ll find someone better.”

You turned away from their frozen faces, and Heeseung stood right there, looking completely wrecked. Your eyes met his, like really met them. For a second everything else including the stares, the phones, the bass—faded into background noise.

He looked at you like you were the only person left in the room, and maybe to him, you were. 

You stepped in close, sliding your hands up his chest. His heart was pounding under your palms, doe eyes full of trust and anticipation for what was to come. Heeseung’s breath caught, but he didn’t move away. His hands found your waist almost on instinct, fingers spreading wide and warm through your clothes, before pressing in to hold on tighter. 

His gaze dropped to your mouth before flicking back up, nodding slightly as he understood the question you asked him earlier. 

Which is why you tilted your head and kissed him.

You slotted your lips against his rather softly, just to test him at first. His mouth was warm, faintly tasting of smoke and the drink he’d had earlier. He froze for half a second, stunned at the easiness of it all, then let out this quiet, broken sound against your lips and kissed you back. 

The kiss turned deeper fast, hungrier. Your tongue brushed his and he groaned low in his throat, the vibration rolling straight through you. You slid one hand into his hair, tugging lightly at the strands, while the other stayed fisted in his jacket, pulling him closer. Heeseung’s grip on your waist tightened almost painfully so, one arm wrapping further around your back to press you flush against him. His chest rose and fell hard against yours. You could feel every shaky breath, the way his fingers trembled just slightly where they dug into your sides.

It was messy, a little desperate. Tongues sliding, breaths mixing hot and uneven, the faint wet sound of it somehow louder than the music behind. He kissed like he was pouring every bit of hurt and anger and sudden want into you as you took it all, giving the same right back.

When you finally pulled back just enough to breathe, Heeseung was completely gone. Lips swollen and shiny, chest heaving like he couldn’t catch his breath, eyes dark and hazy like his brain had short-circuited. A wrecked little sound slipped out of him, half-gasp, half-groan—as he stared at you, dazed and breathing hard.

Your smile embodied satisfaction as you leaned in again and pressed one slow, teasing peck to his parted lips, letting it linger just enough to make his breath hitch all over again.

Jaemin and Mina were staring like they’d seen a ghost with their jaws dropped, faces pale, eyes wide with pure disbelief. The whole party had gone dead quiet around you, everyone watching, phones still pointed your way like this was the best drama they’d seen all year (it probably was).

You laced your fingers with Heeseung’s, gave his hand a light squeeze, and tugged him toward the door.

“Let’s get out of here,” you murmured close to his ear, voice low and a little playful against his skin.

Heeseung didn’t argue, just followed, still breathing hard, fingers gripping yours tight as the door swung shut behind you. 

The cool night air hit your heated skin, and for the first time tonight, everything felt wide open again.

A rather loud screech right next to your left ear woke you up, and you wondered if the world had somehow been corrupted by zombies because there’s no other explanation for such sounds, but your friend made it possible somehow. 

You jolted, heart kicking once before your brain caught up. Sunoo was practically jumping beside your bed, phone in his hand, “one time—one single time I decide to stay in and catch up on sleep and you create a fucking scene? Gosh, babe.”

Winter shoved the door the rest of the way open with her shoulder, hoodie sleeves pushed up to her elbows, hair still a wild mess from her deep sleep. She planted herself at the foot of your bed, arms crossed, eyes narrowing at you, “fuck, Y/N,” she said before her tone got softer, “are you okay? I fucking knew that girl was a snake from the first time she came over. And your boyfriend? I always hated him, al-fucking-ways.”

You were still blinking, eyes half open and not willing to adjust to the brightness. Right then, a chuckle escaped your lips at the memory of last night—and you tried to remember the last time you felt so satisfied (maybe never?). 

Sunoo dropped onto the edge of your mattress without waiting, “I always said we are your besties. The kind who’d help you hide a body, no questions asked. Ride or die, baby.”

You sat up straight, blanket pooling around your waist, and opened your arms because of course they were right, “come here, idiots.”

They didn’t hesitate, Winter climbing on first, wrapping her arms around you like she could shield you from the whole damn world. Sunoo piled on top a second later, all limbs and very dramatic sighs, squishing the three of you into a tangled heap of familiar warmth. 

“Yeah,” you murmured into Sunoo’s shoulder, voice muffled, “you two are stuck with me.”

Winter huffed a soft laugh against your neck, “good, because we’re not letting you deal with that snake ex-bestie and cheating ex-boyfriend shit alone. We’re burning that chapter together.”

Sunoo’s voice came out muffled too, “and—we’re keeping the video forever, that kiss looked cozy girl, what else did you do—”

You let yourself sink into the warmth for a long moment, the bone-deep numbness from yesterday easing just enough to let something real and grateful slip through. The sting of Mina’s betrayal was still there, but it felt distant now—almost coherent in its simplicity. 

People drift apart, friendships end. You’d always known that. What intrigued you more was how easily these two could make the weight feel lighter, their amiable chaos wrapping around you like a promise that some things indeed were here to stay. 

Meanwhile, Heeseung was suffering. 

Jay had shoved his phone into Heeseung’s face, close enough for him to make out, uh, absolutely nothing. It seemed like a blurry mess of lights until Jay yanked it back to show Heeseung a pixel version of you grabbing his jacket and pulling him into what appeared to be a passionate kiss. 

The angle caught the exact moment his hands found your waist, the way his shoulders had tensed then eased up all at once. Heeseung’s ears burned red so fast it felt like someone had lit a match under his skin.

“Bro,” Jay said, grinning, “the video is everywhere, especially on the uni insta page for students. Someone made it into a trend—it’s actually insane.”

Before Heeseung could even form a coherent thought, the bedroom door slammed open hard enough to rattle the frame, scaring both the boys. 

Jake came barreling in, hair still sticking up from sleep, eyes wild, “you bitch—you kissed Y/N? She’s mine—I called dibs on her months ago!”

Heeseung groaned, dragging both hands down his face, “she’s not an object, Jake.”

“Oh fuck you—you know I like her,” Jake shot back, dropping on his knees. 

Sunghoon strolled in next, casual as ever, one shoulder propped against the wall. He let out a low whistle and Heeseung wondered what the fuck is wrong with his friends, “so you’re what? Dating now? That was one hell of a plot twist.”

Jay sniggered, not even trying to hide it, “nah dude, you think he can handle someone like Y/N?”

Jake tried to butt in again, “I can—” but the rest of them talked right over him like usual.

Heeseung sat up slowly, the full reminder of the last night coming right back to him. The slap echoing through the room, the way you’d looked at him right before you kissed him, eyes bright with that reckless spark. The way he’d kissed you back like he enjoyed it. He swallowed hard, throat tight.

“Did I cheat on Mina?” He asked quietly.

The room went still for half a second, all three of them looked at him like he’d grown a second head. Jay let out a disbelieving laugh, “she cheated on you while you were still together.”

“Yeah but I kissed someone else literally a few minutes later—”

“Doesn’t matter,” Sunghoon cut in, shrugging like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Heeseung stared at the blanket pooled over his lap, replaying the kiss again—the heat of your mouth, the way your fingers had twisted in his hair, that soft, teasing peck you pressed to his lips after. It had been the best kiss he’d ever had. The whole situation felt far too complicated for the simple labels his friends were throwing arounf, and yet he couldn’t stop the memory from looping behind his eyes.

Jay sighed, softer this time, leaning back on his elbows, “did it feel good?”

They all looked at him. Heeseung didn’t answer right away, he just swallowed again, the memory burning behind his eyes like it refused to fade.

You on the other hand were absolutely not functioning when Sunoo had a trillion questions lined up for you—all of which consisted of Heeseung. You three had just managed to make coffees when the loud knock interrupted you. A sigh was all you could manage as you opened the door to find your pathetic excuse of an ex standing there with—roses? Wow, he didn’t even have the decency to remember that you were allergic. 

He spoke up before you could, “I know i deserved that slap.”

Well, obviously. 

“I messed up—I swear I don’t want her.” He was looking at you with that pout he mustered whenever you both had disagreements. 

You bit down your laugh, “yeah? So?”

“Take me back, baby, please?”

Right then someone flew past the door, and your mouth hung open as Sunoo straight up landed a kick on Jaemin’s thigh, resulting in him falling down with pain. Now, you laughed freely as Sunoo bent down to warn him, “stay away from her, okay?”

Jaemin turned to look at you, eyes wide, “what—”

“You heard him, we’re over, Jaemin,” you shrugged, wrapping your arm around Sunoo as you both walked inside, Sunoo glaring at man till the door closed shut. 

Jaemin stayed on the ground for a few more seconds, roses scattered around him, a thorn making him bleed just enough for him to roll his eyes.

That went well.

The afternoon sun filtered softly through the leaves of the uni garden, casting dappled shadows across the wooden bench where you sat. It had been three days since the party, and the campus still hadn’t let either of you forget it. Random students kept approaching you in the hallways, the library, even the coffee line—some offering awkward condolences, others straight-up calling the slap and the kiss badass with wide-eyed admiration. 

You sipped your mango matcha slowly, the garden was quiet now, just the distant hum of students walking between buildings and the soft rustle of leaves overhead. You felt normal, jolly even, like it hadn’t affected you, but even you couldn’t deny how good of a kiss it had been. 

Too lost in the pdf in your iPad, you didn’t notice Heeseung approaching until his shadow fell across your lap. He stopped a few feet away, hands tucked into the pockets of his jacket, hair still slightly messy and he somehow made it look good.

“Hey,” he said, voice polite as it had always been, “can we talk?”

You looked up, lips curving into an amiable smile, “sure, c’mere sit,” you patted the empty space beside you on the bench and held out your mango matcha toward him, “want some? It’s good.”

Heeseung only cocked his brow, “same straw?”

You blinked innocently, “you’re saying that as if we didn’t make out in front of the entire party three days ago.”

He stared at you for a moment, intrigued cause of your carefree answer, before he reached out and took the cup anyway. He drank without hesitation, the straw brushing his lips where yours had been moments ago, and when he lowered it, the corner of his mouth twitched.

You chuckled, watching the way his shoulders loosened just a fraction, “so—talk, what’s on your mind, Heeseung?”

He handed the cup back, fingers brushing yours for a second longer than necessary, “I’ve been thinking about that night. A lot.” His voice was quiet, almost hesitant, but his eyes stayed on yours, “the kiss, the way you just handled everything. I keep replaying it and I can’t make it make sense.”

You tilted your head, taking another slow sip before answering, “what’s there to make sense of? They cheated, we both saw it. I decided not to let it ruin my night and you were there. The kiss happened—simple.”

He let out a short, disbelieving breath, running a hand through his hair, “It’s not simple for me. Mina was my girlfriend, Jaemin was my best friend since freshman year. And so much happened in like—an hour,” he paused, eyes searching your face, “did it really not mess with you at all?”

You shrugged, “It stung a little actually. Losing Mina as a friend after all those years felt kinda—odd? But drowning in it? Not really my thing.” Your lips curved again, “i’ve never been the type to hand my whole heart over and expect it to stay put.”

Heeseung watched you for a long moment, “you make it sound so coherent,” he muttered, almost to himself, “like it’s all just—logical. Meanwhile I’ve been walking around campus getting stopped by random people asking if we’re together now. It’s been three days and I still feel like my head’s spinning.”

You laughed lightly, “same here, a guy offered to buy me coffee because I deserved better, It’s weirdly entertaining.”

Heeseung’s mouth twitched into a half-smile, the first real one you’d seen from him today, “yeah, even my friend Jake was sort of, how do I even put it? But yeah, he wasn’t thrilled, hes got some crush on you.” 

Your eyes sparkled, “wait, isn’t he the cute one with an accent? I like him.”

He shook his head at how you would probably encourage Jake, the thought was rather unsettling, then looked at you again, more serious, “but, y’know—the kiss, that part wasn’t just for show.”

That made you pause for a moment, and you held his gaze, intrigued by the way he was looking at you—like he was trying to figure out how someone could be so calm in the middle of the wreckage.

“So what are you saying?” You asked, voice soft but direct, “you regret it?”

“No,” he answered almost immediately, “I don’t regret it, that’s the problem. It felt good and I keep wondering what the hell that means when everything else is such a mess.”

You leaned back against the bench, letting the sun warm your face for a second, “it doesn’t have to mean anything big, I mean—we both got screwed over.” You watched how pretty he looked under the sunlight, lips slightly red cause he’d been biting them, “maybe we don’t overthink it. Maybe we just—just see where it goes.”

Heeseung took the cup again, fingers brushing yours once more, and this time he didn’t pull away right away, “you’re really okay with that?”

You smiled, “I’m okay with a lot of things, Heeseung. Especially if they feel good.”

Neither of you said anything more for a moment. The conversation didn’t need to be solved today, for now, sitting here with him, sharing the same straw and the same tension, felt like enough.

Heeseung has always been a man of few words, but even those little words seemed to disappear when you were around. And the worst part? You weren’t even aware of it.

You weren’t the one to intrude on anyone’s personal space, and that included Heeseung, much to his relief (or dismay?), he was just—confused.

A week had slipped by since the garden talk, and the quiet tension between you two had only grown heavier. He’d spent the days avoiding Mina’s messages, the knot in his chest tightening every time her name appeared. But you—you were everywhere. In literature class you sat three rows ahead, never together, but he stared. He couldn’t stop noticing the way the light caught the curve of your neck when you leaned over your notes, the soft way your fingers tapped the edge of your pen, the small, absent smile that played on your lips when something in the lecture amused you. Every stolen glance left him more tangled than the last.

Tonight the restlessness had won. He pulled on a hoodie and walked to the 24-hour convenience store near the dorms, craving something mindless like his ride or die—ramen to quiet the noise in his head.

The annoyingly white lights buzzed overhead as he stepped inside, grabbing a basket and turning down the snack aisle, mind still half-lost in yesterday’s class when you’d stretched and your shirt had ridden up just enough to—

He stopped just then, cause you were right there,

standing in the middle of the aisle in soft pink pajama shorts that barely skimmed the tops of your thighs and a matching oversized hoodie that had slipped off one shoulder, you looked unfairly soft and warm, like you’d just rolled out of bed. Your hair was a little messy, and you were reaching up for a pack of strawberry gummies, the hem of the shorts riding higher with the movement.

Heeseung’s mouth went dry, and he wanted to slap himself for acting like a fucking creep.

You turned at the sound of his footsteps, eyes meeting his across the narrow aisle. A slow smile curved your lips, the same one that had been haunting him for days.

“Hey,” you waved at him, like running into each other at midnight in pajamas was the most normal thing in the world, “couldn’t sleep either?”

Heeseung swallowed, stepping closer despite the way his pulse kicked up. The faint scent of your shampoo clinging to your hair, “needed ramen, the boys emptied the fridge I swear,” he groaned, rubbing the back of his neck.

You nodded in understanding, “same lowkey—was staring at the ceiling but then decided to get out.” You tilted your head, looking at him a little closer, eyes tracing the tired lines on his face, “you look like you’ve got a lot going on up there. Want to talk about it while we walk back?”

Heeseung hesitated for half a second, then nodded, “yeah, sounds good.”

You paid for your stuff together, the cashier barely glancing up, and stepped back out into the cool night air. The walk was easy at first, with absolutely no words being exchanged, your shoulders brushed every few steps, Heeseung kept his hands in his pockets, but he could feel the warmth of you next to him, the soft brush of your hoodie sleeve against his every time you shifted.

“Been a week,” he said after a few minutes, “Mina keeps texting, and of course I haven’t answered. It feels weird ignoring her, but answering would feel worse.”

You hummed, glancing at him sideways, “I get that. Sometimes the easiest thing is just to let it sit there until it stops stinging, y’know?” Your arm bumped his again as you walked, and you didn’t pull away, “you holding up okay with all of it?”

He just nodded, granting you a smile which made the corner of your lips lift up too, and he asked you the same, to which you laughed as if nothing had even happened. 

It was so nice just walking beside you, even in silence, at this cursed hour of midnight, though Heeseung would argue and say that he felt more awake now than he did the whole day. 

The dorm buildings came into view too soon, but then Heeseung saw something that made his steps falter on the pavement, body going rigid right beside you. It made you follow his line of sight, and of course—Mina was there, walking straight towards his building, head down and mind completely focused on her phone. She hadn’t noticed you yet, but it was clear that she was going to approach Heeseung. 

“Shit,” he muttered under his breath, panic flashing across his features in a way you could feel it reach you too.

Before you could provide him with two words of comfort, his hand slid around your waist, fingers spreading wide and warm through the thin fabric of your hoodie. He pulled you in close, so close that your side pressed flush against his, the heat of his body juxtaposing the chill of the air. His palm was steady but his fingers trembled a little against your hip as you caught the faint scent of his cologne, it was clean and woody, just how you liked it. 

“Play along, please?” He whispered urgently against your ear, voice rougher now.

You only chuckled, leaning into him as if you’d done it before, slipping your arm around his back, fingers resting lightly against the small of his back. Your head tilted up towards him, a soft smile curving up as you looked at him. Heeseung was flushed cause, damn were you good at acting. 

“Got it,” you murmured back.

Mina looked up at the exact moment, eyes widened at the sight, a gasp leaving her lips as she watched Heeseung’s hand slide lower on your back as you reached his dorm door.

You didn’t even realize you were biting your bottom lip until Heeseung’s gaze dropped straight to it, his breath hitched, thumb pausing on your cheek as his other hand came up to cup your face, warm palms cradling your jaw like he was afraid you might pull away.

“Can I?” He asked, voice barely above a whisper, eyes searching yours.

You didn’t answer, just leaned in, closing the small gap between you, and pulled him into the kiss.

Your lips met his softly at first and Heeseung made a quiet sound against your mouth, his hands cupping your face fully now, thumb stroking the apple of your cheek as he kissed you back. The taste of him was faint, a hint of the cherry juice he must have had earlier. Your own hands slid up his chest, fisting lightly in his hoodie as you tilted your head to kiss him a little deeper.

When you finally pulled back, Heeseung’s eyes were dark and a little dazed, lips parted and cheeks flushed. His thumbs were still stroking your cheeks, reluctant to let go.

Mina stood frozen a few feet away, face pale, cause she swore to herself it was an act, but this? It didn’t seem like one. 

Heeseung didn’t look at her, just tightening his grip on your waist and guided you through the door, pulling you inside with him. The warmth of his palm stayed glued to the small of your back the whole way, steady now, like he needed the contact to stay grounded.

Inside the apartment, Jake was sprawled on the couch in the living room, a half-eaten pizza box open on the coffee table, some mindless show playing low on the TV. He froze mid-bite when he saw you, eyes going wide.

You smiled, bright and completely at ease, like showing up at this hour with Heeseung’s arm still around you was the most normal thing in the world, “oh—hey. Jake, right?”

“Y/N? Uh yes—hi, you’re here?” Jake stuttered, making Hee roll his eyes.

You just walked over to him, dropping onto the couch beside him acting all normal though your heartbeat said otherwise, “yeah! Mind if I steal a bite?”

Jake blinked, then grinned like an idiot and lifted the slice he was holding right to your mouth, “here, go for it.”

You leaned in and took a bite straight from his hand, cheese stretching between your fingers as you chewed, “mhm, this is actually good, thanks.”

Jake’s face lit up even more, “right? You can have the whole slice if you want.”

Heeseung stood there watching the whole thing, jaw tight. He lasted about five seconds before he groaned low in his throat, “alright, that’s enough.” He crossed the room in two quick strides, caught your wrist gently but firmly, and tugged you up from the couch, “c’mon.”

You let him pull you up, giving Jake a little wave over your shoulder, “night, Jakey. Thanks for the pizza.”

Jake just waved back, still grinning, “anytime!”

The second Heeseung’s door clicked shut behind you, silence filled the room—it was dim, lit only by the desk lamp, the air suddenly too warm and too small. Heeseung’s back pressed against the door, eyes dark and fixed on you before he walked over and plopped on his bed. 

You clicked your tongue, tilting your head at him, “now she’s gonna think we’re dating.”

Heeseung rubbed a hand over his face, looking genuinely sorry, “yeah—I know. I’m so sorry—I just panicked and pulled you into this whole thing. You didn’t have to go along with it.”

You shrugged, stepping closer until you were right in front of him. Then, without warning, you turned and sat right down on his lap, straddling his thighs like it was the most natural thing in the world. Heeseung’s breath caught, hands instinctively landing on your hips to steady you, eyes wide with surprise.

“I did kiss you first at the party,” you said, “so it’s kinda my fault too.”

Heeseung’s fingers flexed on your hips, holding you there. He gulped, throat bobbing visibly as he looked up at you, “so, now what?” he asked, voice rough.

You shrugged again, still sitting comfortably on his lap, fingers playing with the collar of his hoodie, “it’s your call, Hee.”

You kept talking as Heeseung pondered deeply about his choices. He didn’t register you saying something about how Jake’s face was priceless because Heeseung wasn’t listening anymore. His eyes had dropped to the exposed line of your clavicle where your hoodie had slipped down, tracing the smooth skin there, then moving up to your lips—still a little shiny from the greasy pizza, slightly parted as you spoke. The way you were sitting on him, the soft weight of you on his thighs—it was too stimulating for him. 

He didn’t say anything, just leaned in and kissed you hard, mouth practically crashing into yours, one hand sliding up to cup the back of your neck, the other staying firm on your hip to keep you right where you were. There was nothing hesitant about it this time—it was hungry, deep. His tongue brushed yours, and he groaned quietly into the kiss, the sound vibrating against your lips. You could feel the way his fingers tightened in your hair, the way his chest rose and fell fast against yours, the way his body reacted instantly to having you on his lap like this.

You kissed him back just as hard, hands sliding up his chest to fist in his hoodie. A soft moan slipped out of you when he sucked on your bottom lip, and Heeseung made this low, wrecked sound in response, hips shifting under you.

“Fuck,” he breathed against your mouth, barely pulling back, “this okay? Tell me if you want to stop.”

You shook your head, lips brushing his as you answered, voice already breathy, “don’t stop—keep going.”

He groaned and kissed you harder, tongue sliding against yours as one hand slid under your hoodie, palm warm on your bare back. You rocked your hips down against him and he moaned into your mouth, the sound raw.

You pulled back just enough to speak, forehead resting against his, “we doing this then?” You breathed against his lips, “no strings, just whenever we want or need?”

Heeseung swore you could read minds, “yeah,” he sighed in pleasure, “I want that—you and me, no strings.”

You smiled against his lips and kissed him again, deeper, grinding down slowly, “good fucking boy.”

He groaned louder, the sound vibrating through you as his fingers dug into your thighs, “shit—I’ve been so fucking pent up,” he muttered between kisses, hips rolling up to meet yours, “all week because of you.”

You moaned softly, rocking against him again with a chuckle, “that’s adorable, keep going, yeah? Don’t stop.”

He flipped you suddenly, laying you on your back and settling between your thighs. The new position made you both moan—the weight of him pressing you into the mattress, lips chasing yours mindlessly as his tongue slid against yours, hand tracing higher under your hoodie, hips grinding down slowly. 

“God, you feel good,” he muttered, pulling you down for another kiss.

You nodded, moaning softly into his mouth, “so do you.”

The room filled with the sounds of lips, heavy breathing, and quiet moans as you kept moving together, hands roaming, bodies pressing closer. The conversation faded into breathy words and soft sounds between kisses, and honestly, both of you didn’t care about much anymore. You both were just two horny adults functioning on a verbal agreement with no rules whatsoever. 

Outside in the living room, Jake had just taken another bite of pizza when the first loud moan drifted through the door. His eyes widened with betrayal—the slice slipping from his fingers and landed cheese-side down on the floor with a pathetic splat.

He stared at the closed door for a long second, mouth still full.

“Well—shit.”

You didn’t know that the consequences of spending one night with Heeseung could be so dire, granted you didn’t go beyond some innocent humping which bestowed you with the absolute pleasure of seeing Heeseung desperate and flushed underneath you. 

The question bugged you—why would Mina even wish to leave such a beautiful man who’s very willing to provide pleasure? 

You were still turning that over in your head as you walked down the hallway, iPad tucked under your arm, one AirPod in, but your mind was elsewhere—which was odd considering you never were the kind to just stand and ponder about random things, during the day time at least. The last time it happened was when you were a kid and Zayn had left One direction. 

Regardless, you chuckled at the idea of Heeseung being the one to garner your attention, since you never saw him in that light before—something about friends’ partners being inanimate to you. Either way, you started walking back towards your dorm since the lectures were over, only to be stopped by Mina blocking your path with a scowl on her face. 

You raised an eyebrow, “hey?” 

“We need to talk,” she huffed, looking rather tired, maybe with the way people stopped the second they sensed any drama, and why wouldn’t they? You both were the centre of it given the circumstances. 

“Do we really?” You gave her a lazy look, knowing well it bothered her. 

Her jaw clenched. “You kissed Heeseung. In front of everyone. While he was still with me.”

A couple more heads turned. You could feel eyes on you now, phones probably already sliding out of pockets.

You let out a short breath, almost a laugh, “while he was still with you? That’s rich. Last time I checked, you were the one fucking my boyfriend in his dorm with the door wide open. I walked in on you two, actually. So maybe don’t lecture me about cheating.”

Mina’s cheeks flushed, “that’s not the same—”

“It kind of is,” you cut in, keeping your voice even, “Heeseung didn’t deserve to find out like that, neither of us did, but at least I didn’t sneak around for months like a coward. And yeah, I kissed him—I’d do it again. He’s too good for the way you two treated him.”

Mina’s eyes flashed with anger, “you’re no better than me. You basically cheated too—”

“Bro, are you actually serious right now?”

A tall guy with messy black hair and a skateboard tucked under his arm stepped out from the edge of the crowd. You’d seen him around in a couple electives. He looked Mina up and down, completely unimpressed, having seen the scene at the party in flesh too. 

“Everyone’s seen the video,” he said, loud enough that the people nearby nodded, “I literally saw you and Jaemin at the party. You’re the one who cheated, leave her alone.”

A girl a few feet away nodded like she agreed. Mina glanced around at all the stares, lips pressed tight, then spun on her heel and shoved through the crowd, practically running toward the exit.

You let out a real laugh this time, almost like you couldn’t believe this was real, that your own friend would turn against you in such a manner. Riki turned to you, one corner of his mouth lifting.

“Damn,” he said, “that was satisfying.”

“Yeah,” you agreed, still chuckling as you started walking again, “thanks for stepping in. You really didn’t have to.”

He shrugged, falling into step beside you, “she’s been trying to change the perception, i saw her lying to my friend earlier. Someone had to say it. I’m Riki by the way, or Ni-ki, whatever.”

“Y/N,” you said, bumping his shoulder lightly, “seriously, I owe you a coffee for that.”

“Bet,” he smirked, already pulling his phone out, “just text me whenever. I’m free most afternoons.”

Ten feet away, half-hidden behind a cluster of students, Heeseung had stopped dead in the middle of the hallway. Jay almost walked straight into his back, headphones on so conveniently, he missed the whole commotion. 

“You good?” He asked, lifting one side of his headphones, “Heeseung?” He asked yet again when he didn’t get a reply. 

How would he? When Heeseung was deep in thoughts, the tips of his ears red. Everyone knew he was the guy who kept to himself, not the kind to insert himself into a fight—eventually leading to him never getting into a situation where he’d have to defend himself. 

But you did it so naturally with not a single hint of him witnessing the scene. It was heartwarming to say the least, the way you defended him so casually but your tone clearly portraying the care you harboured for him, even if it was little (as per Heeseung and his never ending self doubt). 

Before Jay could wave a hand in front of his face, Jake came barreling around the corner like he was late for everything in life, backpack slipping off one shoulder. Without missing a beat he lunged forward, locking an arm around Heeseung’s neck and yanking him down into a tight headlock. 

“Spill it right now—the hell did you do with Y/N last night, huh? I’m not letting go till you talk, dude, I swear to god—”

Much to his dismay, Heeseung pushed him off with ease, “the fuck? Get off,” he said, staring at Jake who looked like he hadn’t slept at all. 

Jay was completely lost, headphones now resting on his neck, “what am I missing here exactly? What even happened?”

Heeseung groaned, “nothing happened—” 

“Nah, he took Y/N to his room and then I heard moans. Moans—do you fucking get it? He’s actually fucking her.” Jake ranted, eyes blown wide. 

Jay’s eyebrows shot up, “wait, what? For real?”

Heeseung shoved Jake off properly this time, cheeks burning as he fixed his hoodie, “It’s not—fuck, can you not yell that in the middle of the hallway?”

Jake threw his hands up, looking genuinely offended, “I’m sorry, I was trying to eat pizza and process the fact that my dream girl was getting railed by my roommate. You could’ve at least given me a heads-up, man.”

Jay let out a low whistle, finally catching on. He crossed his arms, which had gotten muscular somehow, “so, you and Y/N? Like, actually?”

Heeseung rubbed a hand over his face, ears still red, “we have an arrangement of sorts. No strings attached, that’s it.”

Jake stared at him like he’d been shot in the chest, “no strings? She deserves love, she deserves aftercare and pampering and—”

Jay was never good at hiding his amusement, especially if it consisted of embarrassing one of his friends, “you sure you can actually do the no-strings thing? You’re the guy who gets attached after one good conversation. Remember that girl from school who just smiled at you in the library and you were googling how to ask someone on a date at two a.m.?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Heeseung muttered, but the corner of his mouth twitched with his mind drifting back to you. 

Jake however, wasn’t done. He threw his hands up again, “I’m serious, I even fucking dropped the pizza slice she ate from.”

Jay snorted, “you’re never gonna let that go noq, are you?”

“Never,” Jake said, dead serious, “that could’ve been our indirect kiss.”

Heeseung shook his head, finally starting to walk again so they wouldn’t be late for class, “It’s fine. We’re both adults, it’ll be okay.”

Jay fell into step beside him, clapping him on the back a little too hard, “yeah, okay. Keep telling yourself that, I give it ten days before you’re buying her flowers and writing her name in your notes with hearts around it.”

“Two weeks,” Jake corrected, still sulking, “max.”

Heeseung didn’t bother arguing. He just shoved his hands deeper into his pockets and kept walking, the stupid little smile refusing to leave his face completely.

You, meanwhile, had no idea any of that chaos had just exploded behind you. You groaned, sitting down on the couch, despising the silence that greeted you. Winter had gone to her family home for her cousin’s wedding, and Sunoo had conveniently decided to spend the night over at Hoon’s to torture him with some horror movie. 

And you were here, unsure of what to do tonight, and the newfound interest you’d found within your ex’s best friend. 

Whatever this was, it was definitely going to be interesting.

Turns out, the night wasn’t about to be boring at all. You had just gotten under the warmth of your duvet as your phone lit up, a text brightening your lock screen. Evidently, you seemed to be lurking in Heeseung’s mind as much as he had started persisting in yours. 

Heeseung: you up?  You: that’s such a fuckboy question  Heeseung: oh shit i didnt mean it that way You: hm? what’s it then  Heeseung: js felt like texting 

You clicked your tongue, rolling to your side, phone propped up against your fluffy pink pillow. 

You: mhm sure You: what are you doing rn then

The typing bubble popped up, disappeared, then popped up again—a proper reminder of how Heeseung’s personality shone through even through his texting patterns. 

Heeseung: just lying in bed Heeseung: can’t sleep for some reason

A second later your phone vibrated with a picture, a selfie to be precise. It was rather cinematic how Heeseung appeared to look even prettier with dim lights, messy dark hair falling into his eyes, no shirt, just the chain he always wore catching the light. He looked way too good for someone who was just lying in bed, lips slightly parted and swollen like he’d been biting them. The angle showed the sharp line of his collarbone and that adam’s apple, a few marks evident on his skin, courtesy of you. 

You stared for a second longer than you meant to, completely zoned in how beautiful a few marks made him look. 

You: oh wow  You: don’t you look dashing at one in the morning 

Heeseung only let out a breathy laugh, clearly preening under your praise, as if he hadn’t clicked eight pictures just so he could send you the most perfect one, in his standards at least. 

Heeseung: your turn 

The corner of your lip twitched up as you sat a little, tugged the neckline of your oversized tee down just enough so the soft swell of your tits spilled over the fabric, nipples barely hidden. You angled the camera, snapped it, and hit send without overthinking, knowing that the reply would come within seconds, and so it did. 

Heeseung: fuck Heeseung: you’re actually evil

You laughed under your breath and sent another one right after, taking off your tee fully, letting him know how hard your nipples had gotten already. 

You: now you. don’t be shy baby

Heeseung sent back a shot of his hand shoved down his sweats, gripping himself. The outline was obvious, the tip of his cock peeking out above the waistband, flushed and already leaking. Then another one—his hand mid-stroke, thumb smearing the precum over the head. A low, rather shaky breath left his lips in the process, and he swore he hadn’t ever been the type to be so—so evidently horny before. 

You’d say you bring out the worst in people, but Heeseung would contradict it with a goofy smile saying how it’s the absolute best. With that thought, he hit sent. 

Heeseung: this is what you do to me

Your mouth went dry, the picture being enough for you to spread your legs under the duvet, only to push the duvet away entirely before angling your phone properly to ensure the slick on your cunt would be visible in the picture. 

You: see what you’re missing? Heeseung: jesus christ i’m actually throbbing

You bit down on your bottom lip, absolutely letting the pleasure of having Heeseung in control take over. So, instead of texting back, you tapped the voice message button and held it down.

Your voice came through low and teasing, a little breathy already.

“Aw, poor baby, you’re throbbing just from a picture? C’mon, lemme hear how good it feels, hm?”

You sent it without thinking twice, and he was quick to listen, his dick twitching just as he heard your voice. A few seconds later his voice message came back—husky, a little embarrassed, but clearly turned on. 

“Fuck—you’re so mean,” he whispered, which almost came out as a whine, “I’m so hard it hurts. I’m stroking it slow at first, like this—” You could hear the faint, wet sound of his hand moving, “but I keep thinking about how wet you looked in that last pic. Want my mouth on you so bad right now.”

You caressed your clit gently, letting your head fall back at his not so shy admissions. It was hot how he didn’t shy away from speaking his mind. 

“Hmm, good boy—keep stroking just like that. Faster now, I want to hear how desperate you sound for me. Tell me exactly what you’d do if you were here.”

His next voice message was even shakier, breathing heavier.

“I’d pull you on top of me, let you grind on my cock while you tell me how you want it. Fuck—I’d let you use me however you want. I’d suck on your tits while you ride me, make you moan my name louder, please take my name, please?”

You let out a soft, breathy moan right into your reply.

“Yeah? You like when I boss you around, Heeseung? Touch yourself exactly how I would. Tighten your grip—I know you’re close already, aren’t you?”

Heeseung’s voice cracked in the next voice note, barely above a whisper.

“Shit—yeah, I’m so close, your voice is driving me insane. Ah, fuck, wanna bury my face between your thighs right now—”

You were breathing harder too, fingers moving faster. You sent one last voice message, letting your voice be sultry. 

“Then cum for me, Hee. Let me hear it. I want you moaning my name when you do.”

That did it for him, he could barely even keep the phone in his hand, shivering at the hyper awareness of it all, of you. 

Somehow, you knew exactly the predicament he was undergoing, and you decided to spare the poor man, hitting the call button to free his hands. He picked up after a single ring. 

“Fuck—you’re actually perfect,” he panted, the wet sound of his hand still audible. “I’ve never been this gone from just voice messages before.”

You laughed softly, sliding two fingers inside yourself with a quiet moan, “then don’t stop. Stroke it faster for me, yeah? Be good, I want to hear every sound you make while you think about fucking me.”

Heeseung groaned, clearly trying (and failing) to stay quiet because of his friends, who were in the living room. “Feels so good but it’s not enough—I keep imagining you riding me, telling me to go harder, shit,—”

“You’re doing so well,” you praised, clenching around your fingers as he moans out your name, “imagine it’s my pussy instead of your hand. I’m so fucking wet for you right now. You’d slide in so easy, wouldn’t you?”

“Yeah—fuck, I would,” he whimpered, “I’d let you use me however you want. I’d let you choke me while you ride me, I don’t even care anymore—”

You moaned louder, fingers curling just right, “yeah, yeah, just keep talking like that and I’m gonna cum, be good c’mon, you’ll cum with me, yeah?”

Heeseung’s breathing turned ragged, desperate little sounds slipping out, “i’m so close—gonna—fuck, Y/N—”

You came first, moaning his name all soft and filthy into the phone. He followed right after with a choked groan, trying to muffle it against his pillow but failing miserably, and god knows what would happen if Sunoo (who was there all thanks to Sunghoon) was to witness this. 

For a long moment the only thing between you was heavy breathing.

Then Heeseung let out a soft, wrecked little laugh, making you grin lazily, “you did so well, Hee.”

He didn’t expect that, making him whine again, and you swore you could run to see him all flushed and blushing, “you’re so perfect.”

Your breath hitched at his whispered words, gulping as you stayed silent, letting your breathing even out. He was quiet for a beat too, but his mind wasn’t stopping at that. 

“Hey, uh I saw what you did earlier, in the hallway, with Mina.”

You blinked, surprised, “wait, you were there?”

“Yeah. I was a little further back, but i heard everything.” His voice dropped, almost like he was in awe, “the way you shut her down for me—defended me like that without even thinking. It was really fucking hot. Couldn’t stop thinking about it all night, that’s why I texted you.”

You let out a low chuckle at how unpredictable he was, “so that’s the real reason you were sending me nudes and moaning my name like a desperate little slut at one a.m., huh?”

If praises led Heeseung to moan, the degradation caused him to cry—not in a bad way of course. It was new for him too, as if he was learning about himself through you. And the voice you heard was beautiful, a broken cry of his desperation. 

“I see you’re into degradation,” you pointed out. 

“Fucking hell, even I didn’t know,” he breathed out, eyes closing. 

You only smirked, getting closer to the phone now.

“Wanna test how it plays out?”

“Why the fuck did Hoon just tell me you’re fucking Heeseung?” 

It was rather hard to distinguish his tone when he sounded both impressed and mad. Turns out, he was mad since he didn’t hear it from you first, then, he was impressed with how fast you moved on. Regardless, he didn’t let you live that down, trying to force the group together, only to see Heeseung squirming and you being absolutely normal. 

You were sitting cross-legged on your bed, still in the oversized hoodie you’d thrown on after your morning shower, when Sunoo burst through the door, Winter followed, sipping an iced latte and looking far too amused for someone who was supposed to be your emotional support. And so another interrogation session took place, which you survived (somehow). 

Other than that, things had been normal. A few changes did occur such as you all having lunch together, even Winter invited her girlfriend, making the group seem livelier than ever. Jake made it his mission to sit next to you each time, and Heeseung—well, he stared at you more than he ate. 

That pattern followed you straight into your English lecture later that afternoon. You slipped into your usual seat in the middle row, barely five minutes late, when Riki dropped into the chair right beside you, and you looked up at him, surprised. 

Heeseung walked in later, eyes on how you greeted the guy easily, and with that, he almost walked into someone. He could only manage to groan, because why wouldn’t you talk to him? To be fair, you did talk to him, like a friend, but never more, no initiation of any sort. Heeseung was the one who texted first, and he didn’t mind, but with how soft hearted he was, he probably wouldn’t mind you texting first either. 

That being said, Heeseung was basically sulk incarnate watching how you made plans to give Riki a coffee for some reason—was it a date? Why would you even like that tall kid? Heeseung knew you better despite the little time he spent with you. It was a given that you didn’t offer much about yourself despite your outgoing personality, but he did know how you played with your nails, how your eyes go wide when you eat something good, and how fucking good you sound moaning his name. 

“We’re all going to the cafe,” Sunoo chirped the second you stepped outside after the class, Heeseung following behind to see all his friends standing there too. 

You did find it odd how he was silent today, too silent, even worse when he didn’t try to initiate any conversation with you, just falling into step with his friends instead. His hands were shoved deep in his hoodie pockets, shoulders a little hunched as the group started moving.

Halfway there he slowed down just enough to tug Jay’s sleeve, voice low and trying way too hard to sound casual, “Hey, can you do me a favour?”

Jay only raised his brow, urging him to continue, “uh, so when we sit down, maybe ask Y/N something that’ll get her talking, like the stuff going on in her life, just anything.”

Jay stopped dead for half a second, then let out a loud, wheezing laugh that practically bounced off the buildings. The sound was so sudden and genuine that you actually turned around mid-conversation with Karina and Winter, eyebrows raised like you were trying to figure out what was so funny. Jay just waved you off, still cracking up as he clapped Heeseung on the back a little too hard.

“You’re actually hopeless,” Jay wheezed, trying to keep his voice down but failing miserably, “just talk to her yourself, what the fuck.”

Heeseung shoved him off, cheeks hot, “shut up, man. Just—just do it, okay? Please.”

They caught up to the rest of the group right as you all reached the café. The usual corner table was free, so everyone piled in. Jake, of course, immediately dropped into the seat next to you like it was his assigned spot now. Heeseung ended up straight across from you, eyes meeting yours, but this time, he didn’t look away. The corner of your lips twitched seeing him this way, and soon, he found himself smiling fondly too. 

Jay sat there as a witness to Heeseung’s internal breakdown, and well, happiness caused by two seconds of your undivided attention. In the midst of it all, everyone gave their orders, famished beyond words for some reason. The table was lively still, Jake trying to initiate conversations with you, even though Heeseung had not so subtly kicked him under the table to shut him up. 

Jay waited until there was a small lull, then leaned forward with that lazy grin of his.

“So Y/N,” he said casually, like it was no big deal, “what’s the deal with you and Heeseung lately? You two been hanging out a lot or what? He’s been weirdly smiley these days.”

Heeseung’s heart did a stupid little flip, face clearly trying to play it cool, but his eyes were glued to you, waiting.

You took a sip of your drink and shrugged, knowing that if you say anything remotely wrong, Sunoo and Winter would be on your ass about it, “it’s nice hanging out with him, he’s funny.”

Jay snorted at how Heeseung’s smile widened, “funny, huh? That’s all you’re giving us?”

Before you could answer, Jake jumped in, mouth full of his cup ramen, which he somehow got into the cafe, “god, I shouldn’t have gotten Shin, I’m telling you, nothing beats Buldak. You team Buldak too, Y/N?”

Heeseung looked rather offended, “nah, Shin’s better, broth tastes better too.”

Jake immediately turned to you with those big puppy eyes, “c’mon, tell him he’s wrong. Buldak or nothing, right?”

Sunoo and Sunghoon couldn’t even stand this, staring at Jake with the same expression of disgust, his fascination for you was genuinely funny. 

You looked up at Hee, who waited for your answer with shiny eyes, then back at Jake again. Maybe teasing Heeseung wouldn’t hurt, right? Especially when he looked so innocent and serious about your input as if it mattered. 

“I mean, Buldak is definitely good,” you agreed with Jake, taking another sip of your mango matcha. 

Jake beamed at the reply, bumping your shoulder. But Heeseung’s smile faltered for a second, and you almost frowned, not expecting him to surrender, “yeah, fair enough,” he muttered, staying silent the rest of the time, eyes flicking up to you every few seconds, while you observed him openly.

Jay only sighed, and somehow Winter was just as exhausted at the exchange, because Heeseung couldn’t hide his feelings to save his life, and you?

You were missing the point of this little conversation entirely. 

When everyone finally started packing up for their next lectures, the group split off in different directions. You noticed Heeseung hanging back a little, hands shoved in his pockets, shoulders still hunched as he walked alone. With a chuckle, you jogged a couple steps, and grabbed his hand.

Heeseung startled hard, eyes going wide as he looked down at your fingers laced with his, and how perfect your new acrylics looked, the touch being enough to make a shiver go up his spine, “Y/N—?”

You only walked further, swinging your joined hands, “why so silent today?” You asked, looking up at him with a brow raised. 

He let out a small breath, eyes flickering back to where your thumb brushed his knuckles, “it’s nothing, just thinking I guess.”

“Hm, about how I picked Buldak over Shin?” You tilted your head, “you got all quiet after that. Kinda cute, actually.”

Heeseung glanced away, the corner of his mouth twitching despite himself, “It’s not that, but Jake looked happy, so—yeah.”

“Shin’s my favourite actually, I only said Buldak to see you fight back, but yeah,” you shrugged with a smile. 

Heeseung’s head snapped back toward you, surprised, “wait, really?”

“Yeah. Remember that night we ran into each other at the convenience store? You were grabbing Shin too, I noticed.” You pointed out, “and you barely ate anything at the café either. Come over later? We can have ramen together.”

Heeseung’s steps slowed at the implication, and it showed on his face, mixed with the fondness of the simple fact that you noticed such little things. He wasn’t the kind of guy who needed grand gestures, yes he’d appreciate it, but the little things mattered more. 

“You—noticed that?” He asked quietly, almost shy.

You hummed, then leaned up on your toes, lips brushing the shell of his ear, “you can eat something else too if you want.”

That sent him into this mode of short circuiting, and before he could even form a reply, you let go of his hand with a bright, mischievous laugh and took off running ahead across the path, glancing back at him over your shoulder with that same playful grin.

Heeseung stood there for half a second, face burning, your words looping in his head like a damn song on repeat. Then a big, flustered smile broke across his face and he took off after you, knowing he’d catch up to you in no time. 

“Fuck,” he yelled, half-laughing as he chased you down the walkway, “you can’t just say that and run—get back here!”

He really hoped it could always stay this easy with you.

You fell on your mattress with a thud, the springs creaking under the sudden weight of both of you. Heeseung landed right on top, chest pressed to yours, mouth already chasing yours in a hungry, desperate kiss that tasted like the faint strawberry from his drink earlier. 

His lips were hot and insistent, tongue sliding against yours like he couldn’t get close enough, letting out every bit of his frustration into this kiss. One of his hands shoved under your hoodie and straight into your shorts, two fingers gliding through your slick folds before pushing inside you without hesitation. You gasped into his mouth, thighs falling open wider as he curled them deep, stroking that spot that made your back arch clean off the bed.

“Fuck, you’re soaked,” he breathed against your lips, and you only sank in further, kissing all the way down to his neck, letting an open mouthed kiss linger on his adam’s apple, feeling it blobbing under you as he gulped in need, as if parched. 

Heeseung let out a shaky groan, fingers stuttering inside you for a second before he doubled down, thrusting them deeper, curling harder, “shit—you’re gonna make me lose it just from that.”

You smiled against his throat, sucking lightly, then dragged your teeth over the same spot while your hand kept working his cock in slow, tight strokes. He was throbbing in your palm, hot and slick with precum, hips twitching every time your thumb swept over the head, and you almost moaned cause he was big. 

But it wasn’t enough, you wanted him under you, wanted to watch him fall apart.

You pushed at his chest, flipping him onto his back in one smooth motion. Heeseung let out a surprised grunt as you straddled his thighs, yanking his pants and boxers down just far enough. His cock sprang free, flushed dark and glistening, curving up against his stomach.

Wrapping your fingers around his base as you leaned in to give his tip a slow kiss, making him moan shamelessly, “wait—you don’t have to,” he managed to let out. 

You looked up at him, lips brushing the wet slit as you spoke, “I know, I want to,” you whispered, “been thinking about having you in my mouth since you were sulking on the way here, just to apologize, y’know?”

Heeseung’s breath hitched, “god—you’re serious?”

Instead of answering, you took him in, lips stretching around the thick head, tongue pressing flat against the underside as you sank down. The taste of him filled your mouth, salty and warm, and you moaned softly around his length.

“Shit—baby,” Heeseung’s hand flew to your hair, holding on like he needed something to ground him, his thighs tensing under you, “your mouth feels—so fucking good.”

You hummed in response, taking him deeper until he bumped the back of your throat. You relaxed around him, swallowing, and he let out a broken groan, hips twitching up before he caught himself.

“Sorry—gosh I didn’t mean to,” he whispered. 

You pulled off just enough to speak, lips shiny, a thin string of spit still connecting you to him, “don’t apologize. Fuck my throat if you want to.” You stroked him slow and firm, eyes locked on his, “I can take it, I want you to use me.”

Heeseung’s eyes darkened. He’d never done this before, sure he’d gotten blowjobs, but the permission to take in full control of it? Oh, he swore he was gonna die, “you’re gonna kill me saying shit like that.”

You chuckled and sank back down, taking him all the way until your nose brushed his stomach. You held there for a second, throat fluttering around him, before you started moving, wet bobs of your head, hand twisting around the base.

Heeseung’s head fell back against the pillow, a wrecked moan spilling out, “fuck, fuck—oh my god.” His fingers tightened in your hair, not forcing, but guiding you a little now, testing the waters, “you like this? Being on your knees for me?”

You moaned around him in answer, the vibration making his hips jerk. You pulled off with a gasp, spit dripping down your chin, “I like when you stop being so polite and just take what you want.” You licked a slow stripe up the underside, eyes never leaving his, “you’re always so sweet, Hee, but i also know how desperate you are, won’t you show it to me like a good fucking boy?”

Heeseung’s breath stuttered, it was almost like a switch flipping. His grip in your hair tightened just a fraction more, and when you took him back in, he let himself thrust up a little, shallow and careful at first.

“Like this?” He asked, voice strained, “tell me if it’s too much.”

You pulled off just enough to speak, lips brushing the head, “Harder, I can take it. Use my throat, baby.”

The words seemed to break something in him. He groaned deep in his chest and started moving his hips with more purpose, fucking into your mouth in short, needy thrusts. You relaxed your throat and let him, moaning encouragement around his cock every time he pushed deeper.

“Fuck, fuck—you’re so good,” he panted, voice cracking, “so fucking good at this. Look at you—taking me so deep.” His free hand came down to cup your jaw, thumb stroking your cheek while he watched himself disappear between your lips, “I didn’t know I liked this so much, watching you choke on me.”

You moaned louder, the praise and the way he was starting to lose control making heat flood between your legs. You hollowed your cheeks, sucking harder, and Heeseung’s head tipped back again, a string of curses falling from his lips.

“Baby—slow down or I’m gonna cum,” he warned, but his hips kept moving, like he couldn’t stop himself,  “you’re really gonna let me cum down your throat?”

You pulled off with a wet pop, stroking him fast and tight, lips hovering just over the tip, “let me taste you.”

Heeseung’s eyes rolled back as he came with a broken moan of your name, hips jerking as he spilled down your throat in hot pulses. You swallowed every drop, working him through it until he was trembling and oversensitive, little whimpers slipping out every time your tongue moved.

When you finally pulled off, lips swollen and shiny, Heeseung was staring at you like you’d rewired his brain. His chest was heaving, hair sticking to his forehead, eyes dark and hazy.

“Jesus Christ,” he whispered, voice shot, “I didn’t know I could like something that much.”

You wiped the corner of your mouth with your thumb, smirking as you crawled up his body and kissed him slowly, letting him taste himself on your tongue.

“You’re learning fast,” you murmured against his lips. “and we’re just getting started.”

So, you were true to your word, because by the time you both stopped, all breathless and spent, it was nighttime. In the midst of everything, you both had managed to fall asleep tangled with each other. Heeseung was the one to wake up first, caressing your cheek as he stared at how peacefully you slept in his arms. 

He stayed like that for a long minute, thumb brushing the apple of your cheek, watching the way your lashes rested against your skin. Something heavy settled in his chest—not regret exactly, but a quiet, gnawing guilt that refused to leave him alone.

Carefully, he slipped out from under you, tucking the blanket around your bare shoulders so you wouldn’t get cold. He padded over to the window on quiet feet, pushing the curtain aside just enough to look out at the dark sky. The campus lights glowed faintly in the distance, stars barely visible through the city haze.

Heeseung pressed his forehead against the cool glass, exhaling slowly. What the fuck am I doing? The thought looped in his head. He’d loved Mina—or at least he’d told himself he did. They’d been together for over a year. But even on the best nights with her, he’d never felt this—free, this wanted. With you, you didn’t ask him to be anything other than exactly who he was in the moment, needy, desperate, a little mean when you pushed him, soft when you let him hold you after. Just a hint of your attention made his chest feel too full and that scared the shit out of him.

Because he’d sworn he loved Mina. But this? He wasn’t even sure what to name this feeling anymore, and it felt dramatic when nothing had even happened, just freedom and the best pleasure he’d ever experienced. 

The floor creaked softly behind him, making him turn his head to find you sitting up in bed now, hair messy, eyes still heavy with sleep. Without saying anything, you reached for his hoodie that had been tossed on the floor earlier and pulled it over your head. It swallowed you, the hem brushing your thighs as you padded over barefoot to stand beside him.

You leaned your shoulder against the window frame, looking out at the same dark sky. For a moment neither of you spoke.

“You okay?” You asked eventually, voice soft.

Heeseung, however, was in deep thoughts of silent appreciation, because you looked beautiful, you always did, “yeah,” he let out a quiet breath, “I feel like an asshole for even saying this out loud, but—I don’t remember it ever feeling this easy with Mina, even when things were good. With you it’s just different. Like I don’t have to pretend or hold back or be anyone else. I don’t know. That probably sounds stupid.”

You stayed quiet for a second, then bumped your shoulder gently against his, “it doesn’t sound stupid. You’re allowed to feel whatever you feel, Hee, it’s valid. You don’t owe her anything anymore, and you don’t owe me some perfect version of yourself either, okay?”

“You’re too nice to me,” he mumbled. 

You smiled, looking elsewhere for a moment as you gulped, “that’s what friends are for,” you let out. 

Heeseung turned to look at you fully, friends, is that what you were? Because friends don’t do all this. So, Heeseung only managed to muster one question, hoping the reply would be enough of an action to understand if he was truly alone in this or not.

“Can I kiss you?” He asked, voice barely above a whisper with the hope to earn even something as little as a nod. 

This means something more, you thought. This isn’t just sex anymore, not for him. Truly, Heeseung wasn’t even the kind to do this, so why did he agree to this? You wouldn’t mind being a rebound for him but him getting attached would be a problem. Would it really, though? You should’ve said no, but you found yourself being entranced by the beauty in his eyes. 

So, instead you stepped closer, sliding your hands up his bare chest, and tilted your face up to his, “yeah,” you whispered, “you can.”

Heeseung’s breath caught as he cupped your face with both hands, thumbs brushing your cheeks like you were something fragile, slotting his lips onto yours almost achingly gentle, this almost felt like a question and an answer all at once to him. 

When he pulled back, forehead resting against yours, he let out a shaky little laugh, pecking the corner of your mouth once. 

The reflection on the window catching on everything you both were too afraid to admit. 

Honestly, the fault was yours for not discussing the boundaries or making one of those contracts like they do in the movies or books (though they never work), cause now, you and Heeseung had been hanging around way more often, some witnesses might even confuse this intimacy for dating. 

Maybe Heeseung was one of them, because when he texted you to come over, you half expected sex, not sitting alongside him learning League of legends at two in the morning. He was unpredictable to say the least, but he did wear his heart on his sleeve, so you could see the bits and pieces of the things he craved, and right now, he craved your time. 

You didn’t mind giving it to him, but it did come with a cost. The second you walked into the room, eyes widening at this small corner of the desk where a mango matcha, a few blue walkers, and a pack of Ferrero Rocher was placed neatly, alongside two packets of cup noodles (just in case). 

To Heeseung, it was normal, and you would have agreed had it been some synonym of aftercare, but no. It was just Heeseung being absolutely willing (and needing) to spend more time with you outside of your fancy little arrangement. 

He had opened the door with a smile so contagious, you mirrored it as he led you inside. A small corner of his desk was full of snacks, a cup of matcha which he knew was your favourite, a couple of Ferrero Rochers because he saw you eating those during the English lecture. You stood there for a second longer than intended, staring at it all, then at the man who had already made himself comfortable on the spare chair, waiting for you with the same gentle smile he always carried around you, making you gulp for a second before you returned it. 

“C’mere? Sit with me,” he said, patting his main gaming chair right next to him, and he half expected you to tease him for doing this, “I swear I’m not trying to be weird, and if you don’t wanna do this we can stop, or you can make fun of me.”

You let out a quiet huff of a laugh and kicked your shoes off before sliding into the chair beside him. Your knee bumped his under the desk and you left it there, the contact warm even through your clothes. Heeseung rolled his own chair closer right away, leaning in from behind you so his chest brushed lightly against your back, one arm resting along the back of your seat while the other reached around to the mouse, and you didn’t notice how he took in your scent with a dreamy sigh. 

“We’re playing League of Legends?” You asked, and he nodded. 

“Have you played it before?” He asked a little hesitant that you’d say you don’t wish to play or indulge in this. 

“Nope,” you said, reaching for the matcha because your mouth suddenly felt dry. The cup was ice-cold, condensation dripping down your fingers as you took a sip, “I’m probably gonna suck at this, just so you know.”

Heeseung let out a small laugh, relieved that you aren’t opposed to this, “that’s fine, we can start from the basics,” he covered your hand with his on the mouse, guiding you through the first clicks. “You just run at people and spin when they get close. Super easy, I promise.”

His fingers were warm over yours, almost careful like he was scared you’d pull away. You felt the way his chest moved against your back when he breathed, the faint brush of his hair against your neck every time he leaned in a little closer to see the screen better.

You clicked around awkwardly and Garen just kind of—stood there swinging his sword at nothing, “this feels dumb,” you muttered, but you were smiling a little, “I look like a robot trying to dance.”

Heeseung bit his bottom lip at the sheer joy of having you play his favourite game, even though you looked lost, confused, and too adorable, “you don’t look dumb. You look cute as hell trying to figure it out.” He squeezed your hand gently and moved the mouse for you, making Garen run forward. “See? Just click on this, okay?”

You tried it and Garen spun like a big metal tornado, actually hitting a couple of the little enemy guys, “oh okay, that was kinda fun,” you admitted, biting your lip to hide the grin. You reached for one of the Ferrero Rochers with your free hand, unwrapped it, and popped it in your mouth. The chocolate melted sweet and crunchy on your tongue, “how’d you know I like this.”

Heeseung shrugged, his shoulder rubbing against yours, “I pay attention to you, sue me.” He took the half you offered him without hesitation, biting it right from your fingers, his lips brushing your skin for a second too long.

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t stop the little flutter in your stomach at how brutally honest he was. He pays attention, he set all this up just so you’d feel comfortable doing something he likes. This isn’t what you signed up for, this is him wanting you around, not just in his bed. Stop feeling it. Stop.

The game kept going, as you died a bunch—running straight into the big tower like an idiot, getting smacked by random enemies—but Heeseung never made you feel stupid about it. He’d just lean in closer, chin resting on your shoulder now, arm wrapped a little tighter around the back of your chair, and murmur stuff like, “try backing up a tiny bit next time, yeah?” Or, “you’re getting the spin down though, that last one actually hit three of them, nice.”

You passed him chips from the blue walkers packet, your fingers brushing his every time. He took them without pulling away, crunching quietly while his other hand stayed on the mouse with yours, guiding you through another wave.

Heeseung couldn’t say this out loud but boy was he thrilled. It felt so nice, so domestic to do something so simple with someone (you). He couldn’t help but compare, simply because he didn’t know the basic possibilities of the relationship universe, though you weren’t in one. His ex never spared time for such things, indifferent about his interests, while you were so—sweet. 

“You’ve done this before? Teaching someone like this, I mean?” You asked after a while, “or am I getting special treatment?”

Heeseung went quiet for a second, then let out a breathy little laugh against your neck, “special treatment,” he admitted, no hesitation, “and no, it’s my first time teaching anyone.”

You leaned back into him a little more without thinking, the warmth of his chest solid and comforting against your back, the kind of solace that you had never had the pleasure of experiencing before. Was it supposed to be this easy? 

The snacks slowly disappeared between you—another Ferrero passed back and forth, the mango matcha cup getting lighter with every sip you took. Heeseung kept talking about random shit that had nothing to do with the game. How Jake had stolen his last ramen again, how he stayed up last night thinking about if aliens eat solid food, or if the Thestrals from Harry Potter can see each other or not. 

You told him about the fanpage you had at fifteen, he listened like it was the most interesting thing ever, thumb stroking slow circles on the back of your hand the whole time.

At some point the first game ended. You were still pretty bad, but you weren’t frustrated anymore. Heeseung’s arm had stayed around you the whole time, his chin heavy on your shoulder, breathing warm against your skin.

He didn’t queue another match right away, instead he just sat there for a second, arms loose around your waist, like he was thinking.

“C’mere,” he murmured, voice a little rough as his hands slid to your hips and he tugged you gently, pulling you straight off the spare chair and into his lap like it was the easiest thing in the world. Your back settled fully against his chest, thighs bracketing his, his arms wrapping around you properly so he could still reach everything if he wanted. The chair creaked once under both of you. You fit too well, way too well.

He rested his chin back on your shoulder and clicked into another custom game like nothing had changed, but his arms stayed tight around your waist, like he didn’t want to let go.

“What are we doing, Hee?” You asked in a low mumble. 

Heeseung went still, arms locking tighter around your waist like the question had burned him, he was afraid you’d bring it up and that’s exactly what you did. You felt him swallow hard, breath shaky against your neck.

He opted to answer with his actions instead, turning your face toward him with one hand and kissing you, lips pressing firm like he’d been dying to do it. His tongue slid in right away, tasting like chocolate and the mango you’d been sharing all night. He made this quiet, embarrassed little sound in his throat and kissed you harder, fingers sliding into your hair to hold you there.

You tried to pull back half an inch, though absolutely feeling your heartbeat fastening at how good the kiss, the warmth felt, “Hee, wait—”

He chased your mouth instantly, cutting you off with another kiss, deeper this time, tongue lazy and filthy against yours. His hand slipped under your top, palm hot and a little unsteady on your bare waist, thumb stroking slow circles like he needed to feel your skin to stay sane. He was breathing hard through his nose, cheeks burning against yours, but he wouldn’t let you speak. Every single time your lips parted he was right there again, kissing you quiet, desperate and messy like talking would ruin whatever this was.

“Bed,” he mumbled against your mouth. He stood up with you still in his lap, hands under your thighs, and carried you the few steps across the room. The second your back hit the mattress he was on top of you, settling between your legs and kissing you again before you could even breathe.

This time it was slower but no less intense. His tongue moved against yours in these long, deep strokes while one hand pushed further under your top, palm flat on your stomach, sliding up until his fingers brushed the edge of your bra. His other hand stayed tangled in your hair, tugging gently every time you tried to talk. He was so fucking flustered—ears red, breath shaky, little embarrassed groans slipping out whenever you rolled your hips up into him—but he still wouldn’t let you ask.

Every time you opened your mouth he swallowed it with another kiss, and you groaned, pulling him into you deeper, letting him showcase his feelings through whatever this was, and you understood it, but couldn’t stop it or ask any further, because you knew he’d deflect as if it scared him. 

As if  the only answer he could give was this.

You were decent at saying no, in fact, some might even admit how good you were at it, blunt as fuck. But that ability was limited to the world and it most certainly didn’t apply to this glorious six foot tall man who wished for you to join him at the basketball court. You could have made up some excuse, maybe tell him you have a lab report due, but you didn’t do that—because you wanted to go. 

“This is getting ridiculous,” said Winter, watching you change into a loose t-shirt and old shorts, “you hate sports. You once told me basketball was just a bunch of giants running in circles. Now you’re rushing out at night because Heeseung said come watch me play? And you’re dressing up the part too?”

You shrugged, tying your hair up, “It’s not that deep. I’m bored.”

“Sure, tell yourself that,” she mumbled with her brow raised. 

Well, she wasn’t exactly wrong, but you didn’t care much as you made your way out towards the court which was lit up by some harsh floodlights, looking over to find some guys already deep in the game. You could spot Heeseung, Chenle, Beomgyu, and Sunghoon—t-shirts sticking to their backs. 

Nics (Chenle’s girlfriend) and Moon (Sunghoon’s girlfriend) were already on the bleachers with their chaotic friend, Ricey, who always carried snacks in her bag. The second they spotted you, Nics waved you over with a grin, patting the spot next to her. 

Heeseung was mid-dribble when his head snapped in your direction, the ball bouncing once before he caught it against his hip. Even from across the court you could see the way his face softened, that small, stupidly genuine smile breaking through like usual. He lifted his free hand in a quick wave. 

“Yo, Y/N’s here!” Chenle shouted, grinning like an idiot as he wiped sweat off his forehead with the hem of his shirt, “perfect timing, let’s do girls versus boys now.”

Nics hopped off the bleachers first, already pulling her hair up, “final-fucking-ly. Come on, we’re making this four on four.”

Moon laughed and stood up too, nudging Ricey, “you in or are you just gonna sit there eating chips the whole time?”

Ricey popped another chip in her mouth before standing, “I’m in, but if I break a nail I’m blaming all of you.”

You didn’t get a chance to sit as you got dragged into the court. Heeseung jogged over to you, still breathing a little hard, hair messy and damp. Up close he smelled like sweat and that familiar woody cologne, and the way he looked at you made you shiver. 

“You actually came,” he breathed, grabbing your arm without thinking much at all. 

“Couldn’t let you embarrass yourself alone,” you replied, stealing the ball from his hands just to mess with him. He laughed, eyes crinkling, and for a second it felt like the rest of the court disappeared.

But boy was it chaotic with Moon just distracting Hoon half the time, Nics and Chenle spent the time arguing—which was clearly their way of flirting, meanwhile Ricey was enjoying the drama in the middle of this all. The game was messy, and oh so loud.

You mostly ended up guarding Heeseung, and he was clearly not focused on winning anymore.

The first time you drove past him, he barely tried to block you, just let you slip by with this stupid little smile on his face. When you scored, he was the first one clapping, muttering under his breath, “fuck, that was hot,” loud enough for Beomgyu to hear and immediately start laughing.

“You’re not even guarding her properly!” Sunghoon yelled, hands on his knees, “you just watched her score and looked proud as hell!”

Heeseung didn’t even deny it, just shrugged, eyes still locked on you as you dribbled back. 

“She’s fast,” he said, but the way he said it was way too soft, and he wondered why he called you with others around when he should’ve done this one on one, but even then, he was thrilled to see you fit in so well with everyone. 

The court lights hummed overhead, casting long shadows across the cracked asphalt, your oversized t-shirt clung to your skin in damp patches, the thin cotton sticking to the curve of your waist and the small of your back every time you moved. Heeseung’s eyes kept dropping to where the hem rode up every time you moved, and honestly? You liked it.

You caught the ball again and drove straight at him. This time his hand found your waist right away, palm warm through the damp fabric, thumb brushing under the hem like he couldn’t help himself. You spun past anyway, shoulder bumping his chest, and laid it up clean. When you landed he was still there, fingers lingering on your hip for a second longer than necessary.

“Shit, you’re good,” he muttered by your ear.

Beomgyu groaned loud enough for everyone to hear, “Heeseung, your hand was literally on her the whole time!”

Sunghoon just shook his head, “I can’t watch this anymore.”

A few plays later you slowed right in front of him, dribbling lazy, then hit him with the pout—bottom lip out, eyes big. Heeseung’s shoulders dropped instantly, “come on, that’s cheating,” he whined, but he was already stepping aside, hand sliding to your hip again as you blew past and scored.

Ricey started cracking up from the fence. “He folded. Let’s fucking go!”

Nics and Moon were dying, “Y/N, you’re actually evil,” Moon yelled, “like—look at him.”

The game kept going like that, every time you got near him his hands were on your waist or lower back, like he needed the excuse to touch you. After one layup he caught you around the middle when you landed, pulling you back against his chest for a second, chin brushing your shoulder.

“You’re killing me out here,” he said quietly, thumb rubbing slow against your side.

You turned your head, “stop letting me win so obviously.”

“Can’t,” he admitted, fingers flexing on your hip, “can’t stop you.”

Final possession got you dribbling right up to him. He stepped up, but the second you gave him the pout he let out a soft laugh and just gave up, both hands settling on your waist.

“Go win, baby,” he whispered, not even trying to hide it anymore as you drove and laid it in clean.

Game over.

Nics scooped you up spinning you once while Moon and Ricey cheered like idiots. The second your feet hit the ground Heeseung was there, arm sliding around your waist and pulling you back against him. His t-shirt was damp against yours, heartbeat steady on your back.

“You’re impossible,” he murmured into your hair, thumb still tracing slow circles on your hip under the hem, “didn’t even wanna stop you.”

You leaned into him, grinning, “you had your hands on me the whole second half.”

“Yeah,” he said, no shame at all, “felt too good.”

Heeseung didn’t get to talk more as a fuming Chenle grabbed his collar and dragged him away for what seemed to be some good beating. 

Moon and Nics immediately grabbed your arms at the opportunity and pulled you a few steps away, cornering you near the fence while Heeseung was distracted talking (arguing) to Chenle.

“Okay, spill,” Moon said, “what the hell is going on with you two? Because that was not subtle.”

Nics nodded, still half-laughing, “girl, he had his hands on your waist like every single play. He’s so into you it’s actually funny.”

You tried to play it cool, wiping sweat off your neck with the bottom of your shirt, “It’s not like that. We’re just—hanging out? No strings, y’know?”

They waited for you to say you’re joking, or just laugh, but then none of it came and they gasped, collectively. 

“You’re not serious,” Moon deadpanned. 

Nics’ eyes went huge, “wait. You’re actually serious.”

Ricey let out a low whistle, leaning against the fence, “damn, Y/N. I thought you were messing with us.”

You shrugged, trying to laugh it off, but the sound came out rather shaky. Your stomach did that stupid little flip again, like your body was calling you a liar before your mouth could. The cool night air on your damp neck suddenly felt too cold, and your t-shirt clung uncomfortably to your skin, “I mean, yeah, that’s the deal. We both said it from the start.”

The words felt flat even as you said them. Your eyes drifted across the court before you could stop yourself. Chenle still had Heeseung in that dramatic headlock, ranting about how embarrassing he was, but Heeseung wasn’t even pretending to fight back. His head turned and his gaze found yours instantly through the mess of hair falling in his face. That soft, stupid little smile tugged at his lips like getting chewed out didn’t matter at all. Just you did.

Your chest squeezed as you looked away, but Moon followed your stare and let out a quiet oh, “girl, look at him right now. He’s getting yelled at and he’s still staring at you like that? Come on.”

Nics nudged your side. “he had his hands on your waist literally every single time you got near him. Called you baby in front of all of us. Folded like a lawn chair the second you pouted. That’s a man catching feelings and not even trying to hide it.”

Ricey nodded, arms crossed, “for real. We were all watching, he was playing how many times can I touch my girl without getting called out.”

You swallowed, heat creeping up your neck that had nothing to do with the game anymore, “It’s not like that,” you mumbled but even you could hear how unsure you sounded. The way Heeseung was still looking at you made the label feel thinner than your sweaty t-shirt.

Before anyone could push harder, Chenle finally shoved Heeseung away with one last groan. Heeseung jogged back over, hair wrecked, cheeks flushed, but his eyes were already locked on you again. His arm slid around your waist without hesitation, palm warm and familiar against the damp fabric like it was the most natural thing in the world.

“You guys done roasting her yet?” He asked, voice light and a little out of breath. 

Ricey snorted, “not even close.”

Heeseung just grinned and pulled you closer, chin brushing the top of your head. You leaned into him without thinking, the solid warmth of his side against yours making that chest-tight feeling even worse. Or better, you couldn’t tell anymore.

Your newfound friends exchanged a look behind his back, but you caught it anyway.

Whatever this was—it didn’t feel like no strings anymore. Not even a little.

Heeseung always thought that his partner would an extension of his very soul, and he never achieved that. Maybe the saying can be moulded into perspectives of sort, perhaps connection wasn’t about mirroring souls but about finding someone who made the fractures feel intentional, beautiful even.

He mindlessly knocked on the door, heart drumming an uneven rhythm against his ribs, not expecting the door to open so quickly, his breath hitching at the sight of you in front of him. 

Maybe your partner isn’t supposed to be an extension of you, but rather someone who’d stand on the opposite side of the spectrum and still look like a perfect puzzle when fitted together. 

You stood there like a living poem rendered in silk—clad in a breathtaking white gown that slipped over your skin with liquid grace, the delicate fabric catching the hallway’s muted glow, the thin straps tracing the delicate architecture of your collarbones like a lover’s fingertip. It moved with you, shimmering faintly, alive with every subtle shift of your weight. Your hair styled perfectly, lips glossed to a tempting sheen, and the whole vision struck him so viscerally that the air in his lungs simply vanished.

You looked beautiful, like an angel in all white, while he stood in front of you in a black leather jacket, juxtaposing every bit of elegance you exuded. 

Heeseung forgot how to breathe quite literally as time fractured around him. His gaze dragged over you in helpless reverence, while a razor-edged thought sliced through the haze. Are you going out? On a date? With someone else? The image of another man’s eyes tracing that same silk, another hand brushing the curve of your waist beneath it, coiled hot and ugly in his chest, stealing what little breath he had left.

“Hee?” You asked with a smile, tilting your head with genuine surprise, “what are you doing here?”

He gulped, forcing his eyes back up and oxygen to cooperate within him, “you’re breathtaking,” he managed, “I forgot what I came for.”

Warmth crept up your neck at the nervousness of the man in front of you, he was adorable—shifting from one leg to the other, playing with his fingers, as if the simple act of standing there might unravel him completely. His dark hair fell messily over his forehead, cheeks flushed a soft rose, and those wide, doe-like eyes kept flicking back to the silk clinging to your body. You could practically feel the rapid thud of his heartbeat from where you stood, the way his throat worked on another swallow, the subtle tremor in his shoulders as he tried (and failed) to play it cool.

“I, uh—” Heeseung rubbed the back of his neck, letting out a small, embarrassed laugh, “I wanted to show you something. I’ve been carrying it around all day like an idiot because I thought you might like it. Figured tonight could be, I don’t know, nice? Just us.”

Your heart gave a small tug, the evening plans you’d been dreading now sitting like a weight in your chest, “god, Hee—I wish I could,” you said softly, “my parents are in town and we have this family dinner thing tonight. It’s one of those non-negotiable things. I was literally about to walk out the door when you knocked.”

Heeseung’s shoulders dropped just a fraction, disappointment flickering across his face before he quickly tried to smooth it over. He nodded, offering you a small, understanding smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, though he was relieved it wasn’t a boy you’d dressed up for, “no, gosh. It’s okay, I hope you have fun.”

He paused, eyes still lingering on you like he couldn’t help it, “but—if you’re not too tired later, maybe we could still meet up? Even if it’s just for a little while. No pressure or anything, I just—I really like being around you.”

All you could manage was a nod, making him smile wider. It was always a surprise at how clearly Heeseung said whatever he meant, and it wasn’t the best thing for your poor heart, which probably matched Heeseung’s pace now. Bidding goodbye was another problem especially when Heeseung stared till you got inside the cab. The dinner was a haze, your mom staring at your zoned out state with a knowing smile. 

“Who is it?” She sighed finally, making you look up in horror. 

“Mom—no,” you warned, knowing just how interested your family was in gossiping, which didn’t exclude gossip about you by any means. 

“What? She laughed, feigning innocence while your dad hid his grin behind his water glass, “I’m just asking. You’ve been smiling at nothing and zoning out all night, now spill.”

Your cousin leaned in, eyes sparkling with mischief, “yeah, girl. You look like you’re thinking about someone. Is he cute? Does he go to your uni?”

Heat flooded your cheeks, “there’s no one,” you lied, though the words felt flimsy even to you, “I’m just tired.”

Your mom reached over and squeezed your wrist gently, “mhm, sure. Whoever he is, he’s lucky if he’s got you looking like this. Just don’t forget to eat, okay? You’re glowing, but you’re also not touching your food.”

You groaned, covering your face with both hands as the table erupted into light laughter. The teasing continued with your dad throwing in a dramatic “If he hurts you, I’ll find him” that made everyone chuckle—but you managed to dodge the worst of it, cheeks burning the whole time. By the time dessert came, your family had mercifully moved on, though your mom’s knowing glances never quite stopped.

Meanwhile, Heeseung stood alone on the rooftop of the main university building, the cool night breeze slipping beneath the collar of his leather jacket and ruffling his dark hair. He’d quietly borrowed the keys from the maintenance office earlier—something he wasn’t proud of, but tonight the small rebellion felt worth it. Up here, the view was stunning. City lights stretched out below like scattered diamonds across black velvet, the crescent moon hung low, casting a silvery glow over everything. He slipped an airpod in, letting his playlist fill the silence. 

His hand drifted to the inner pocket of his jacket, fingers brushing the carefully wrapped item inside. He’d wanted to show it to you tonight, watch your face light up, maybe steal a few more stolen moments of that easy warmth you gave him so effortlessly.

Heeseung leaned against the railing, staring out at the glittering skyline while the music in his earpods played on, and he wondered if you were thinking about him too, somewhere across town amid the family dinner. He didn’t mind waiting, in fact, he was good at it when it meant so much to him. Regardless, every couple of minutes he’d glance at the door, half-convinced he was being ridiculous for waiting up here like some lovesick idiot.

As he turned back again, the faint creak of the door was heard, and he went still. You stepped onto the rooftop still wrapped in that white silk gown, the wind caught the hem immediately, making it swirl softly around your legs, and when you smiled at him—he felt it right in the center of his chest.

“Hi,” you said, voice quiet. 

Heeseung pulled the airpods out slowly, letting them dangle from his fingers, “you—you actually came,” he breathed, the words slipping out before he could stop them, his eyes moved over you again, helpless, “in that dress, god, Y/N.”

You walked closer, heels soft against the concrete, “told you I would. Couldn’t stop thinking about whatever you wanted to show me,” a small laugh escaped you. 

He took a half-step closer, “I wasn’t sure,” he admitted, “but I’m really glad you’re here. You look—” he trailed off, shaking his head with a soft, almost disbelieving smile, “I don’t even have the words tonight, you’re beautiful.”

It was foreign, the way you felt all mushy inside with a compliment, granted you got those all the time, but this felt new. You stopped just inches from him, close enough to see the way the moonlight caught in his dark eyes, the faint flush still lingering on his cheeks, “show me, then,” you whispered. 

Heeseung’s breath caught for the briefest moment. Then he reached into the inner pocket of his jacket and drew out a small box wrapped in simple paper, tied with a slender black ribbon. He placed it gently into your waiting hands, his fingers brushing yours with a lingering warmth that sent another quiet flutter through you.

You untied the ribbon, letting the paper fall away until the snow globe rested heavy in your palms. Inside the delicate glass sphere, a tiny couple danced beneath an invisible sky—her in a flowing white dress that mirrored the silk clinging to your body, him in a dark jacket that echoed the leather draped across Heeseung’s shoulders. Their hands were joined, bodies turned toward one another in quiet, perfect harmony. When you tilted the globe, soft white flakes swirled around them like the first gentle snowfall of winter, catching the moonlight in tiny, luminous sparks.

A rush of something overwhelming bloomed low in your stomach, as if butterflies unfurling their wings until your chest felt too full, too light. You looked up at him, eyes wide and shimmering. “Heeseung,” you breathed, “this is us. The dress, the jacket, it’s exactly like us.”

He bit his bottom lip, smiling shyly as he nodded, eyes soft with affection that he never failed to display. “Yeah,” he murmured, stepping closer until the globe rested safely between your bodies, pressed lightly against the silk over your heart, “I know it’s a little cheesy, but when I saw it, I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

It was yet again when he had rendered you speechless so beautifully, a small smile still graced your lips, and you couldn’t hide it, you didn’t wish to hide it, “it’s not cheesy, it’s beautiful, Hee. Thank you.” 

You held the globe for another heartbeat, letting the tiny flakes swirl and sparkle inside the glass, before you turned gently and set it on the wide concrete railing

Heeseung watched you, nervous as he reached into his pocket, pulling out one of the earpods and holding it out to you between two fingers, “dance with me?” He asked, voice hopeful, “I’ve had this song on repeat—uh, I kept imagining what it would sound like with you here.”

It was as if you were facing the real tale of the entanglement after the initial surface level attraction had worn off, which should’ve made it worse, right? But Heeseung, unlike any other potential love interest you’d met, shone brighter after revealing himself day by day. 

You took the airpod from him without a second’s hesitation and slid it in, that familiar, timeless melody of Everybody Loves Somebody filling your ear like an old friend crooning about love that finds you when you least expect it. Heeseung’s fingers brushed yours as he took your hand, threading them together with a quiet certainty that made your breath hitch. His other palm settled at your waist, warm through the silk, and he drew you in until your bodies met, like they’d been waiting all along. You let your free hand rest against his chest, right over the steady thud of his heart beneath the leather.

Heeseung let out a soft, breathy laugh, “fuck, I actually feel stupid right now,” he muttered, “I’ve never danced before.”

You laughed, leaning into his scent further, “you’re doing great, Hee.”

“Yeah?” Another dorky chuckle rumbled through his chest. He adjusted his hold on you, thumb moving in a slow, absent circle at your waist, “I don’t know, lately I keep catching myself doing shit I never thought I’d do. Like stealing keys to a rooftop, buying a snow globe because it reminded me of you. It’s weird, I feel like I’m figuring out all these parts of myself I didn’t even know were there.”

He stole keys, the thought itself made you chuckle again. You’d once read somewhere that the act of loving someone doesn’t stop at accepting them but furthers by coaxing their selfhood out of them—it felt that way for you too because who would have thought you’d be dancing with someone at a rooftop wearing a gown? 

You squeezed his hand gently, “I like that,” you said, “I like that you’re figuring it out with me.”

The proximity was perfect, yet your bodies kept on gravitating towards each other every few steps, and eventually the melody began to fade. You pulled back just enough to meet his eyes, the position mirroring that of the snow globe miniatures. Taking another step, you leaned forward just enough to slot your lips against his, almost as if breathing each other in, lips parting at the same time before pressing into a gentle peck. Heeseung exhaled shakily against you, his hand tightening at your waist for a second like he was trying to remember how to breathe.

When you finally drew back, you gave him that smile you knew he couldn’t resist. You slipped the airpod out of your ear and dropped it into his open palm, fingers brushing his one last time. At the same time you reached over, picked up the snow globe from the railing, and tucked it carefully against your chest.

“Night, baby,” you whispered as you turned toward the door.

Heeseung just stood there, completely still, breathing a little harder than before. His eyes were wide and utterly lovestruck as he watched you walk away. The rooftop door clicked shut behind you, but he didn’t move for a long time—just stayed right where he was under the moonlight, that dazed, helpless smile slowly taking over his face.

You were panting as Heeseung pressed his lips on the base of your spine, sending a shiver up your back. He hadn’t been patient pulling you in his bed, turning you over to unzip your dress. He groaned with each kiss as if he was pleasuring himself instead of you while savouring every inch of skin exposed. 

Heeseung pressed his forehead against the middle of your back for a second, breathing hard, “you’re trembling,” he whispered against you, “is my mouth really making you feel that good?” He kissed between your shoulder blades, then higher, until his lips brushed the nape of your neck, “tell me, baby. Tell me how wet you are right now just from this.”

“So wet,” you gasped, pushing your hips back against him, “Hee—please.”

He let out a broken groan and shoved your panties to the side with impatient fingers, not even bothering to pull them off. The thick head of his cock nudged against your slick entrance, hot and heavy, before he sank into you in one long, relentless thrust.

“Fuck,” he groaned, the sound guttural as he bottomed out, stretching you wide, “you’re soaking my cock, baby. So fucking tight and wet for me.” He pulled back slowly, then drove in again, harder, the wet slap of skin echoing in the room, “listen to that. Hear how greedy your pussy is for me?”

You cried out, fingers clawing at the sheets as he set a deep, punishing rhythm, each stroke dragging perfectly against that sensitive spot inside you.

“Heeseung—oh god, yes—” your voice broke on a moan, tears of overwhelming pleasure already stinging your eyes, “harder—please, I need it harder.”

Heeseung cursed under his breath and fucked you deeper, hips snapping forward with filthy precision, “like this?” He panted, voice hoarse “you want me to ruin this pretty little pussy? Tell me how good it feels, baby. I want to hear you fall apart.”

“It feels so good,” you sobbed, pushing back to meet every thrust, “you’re so deep—fuck, Hee, I can’t—”

The pleasure coiled tighter and tighter, white-hot and devastating, until it finally snapped.

“I love you—” the words tore out of you, raw and desperate, “Heeseung, I love you—”

He froze mid-thrust, buried to the hilt inside you, body going completely rigid.

“What?” His voice was barely a whisper, shocked and trembling.

You whimpered, hips twitching helplessly around his cock, the confession spilling out again in a blurry, broken rush, “I love you, I love you so much—”

Heeseung pulled out suddenly, making you whine at the loss. In one swift motion he flipped you onto your back, hovering over you with wide, dark eyes and a chest that heaved like he’d forgotten how to breathe.

“Say it again,” he demanded, voice hoarse and shaking as he stared down at you, one hand cupping your jaw, “look at me and say it again, baby. Please.”

Your eyes were glassy, lips parted on a shaky breath, but the words seemed to have blurred, your face disappearing right in front of his eyes as you said, “I love—” 

He woke up with a sharp, ragged gasp, bolting upright in his own bed, heart slamming violently against his ribs. The room was dark and silent except for his own frantic breathing. Sweat slicked his skin, and when he looked down, the front of his sweatpants was soaked with a warm, sticky mess.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he whispered hoarsely, dragging a trembling hand down his face, cheeks burning with heat.

It was hard for him to contain himself when this is all he could dream of the past six days, feeling it deep despite it being a dream. Wet dream was fine really, but the confession that echoed? Yeah, that definitely made Heeseung feel eccentric because he needed to hear that for real despite the terms of the relationship between you both. It was bound to bloom into something more.

You two had fallen into a rhythm that didn’t need a label really. He showed up outside your lectures with your stupidly specific drink (matcha), the one with the exact ratio you liked, because he’d paid attention the one time you made a face at the wrong version. You’d started leaving your oversized hoodie at his place just so you could steal his instead and he could wear yours, the sleeves swallowing your hands while you lounged on his bed scrolling through your phone. He noticed how you always tugged at your bottom lip when you were thinking too hard, how you stole the last sip of his drink without asking, how your shoulders relaxed the second you kicked your shoes off after a long day. You noticed the way he rubbed the bridge of his nose when he was tired but too stubborn to admit it, the soft little hum he made when something tasted exactly right, the way his eyes lingered on you a beat longer than necessary whenever you laughed at something dumb he said.

You weren’t calling it dating, you weren’t calling it anything. But you also weren’t fighting it. You’d never been the type to deny yourself something that made you feel good, and Heeseung made you feel good in a way that snuck up on you. So you let yourself have it without the complications of overthinking. 

Later that morning, Heeseung walked across campus still half-dazed from the dream, that stupid, lingering smile refusing to leave his face. The memory of your voice saying those three words kept looping in his head, well, until a voice didn’t wish to hear ruined his train of thoughts. 

“Well, well. If it isn’t the thief.”

Heeseung slowed to a stop and turned. Jaemin stood there with his arms crossed, wearing the same smug, pissed-off expression he used to think was charming.

Heeseung let out a dry, humorless scoff, “thief? That’s fucking hilarious coming from the guy who was literally balls-deep in my ex while we were still together.”

Jaemin stepped closer, eyes narrowing, “whatever helps you sleep at night. You really think you’re gonna keep her interested?” His voice dripped with condescension, “Y/N doesn’t do soft boys. All that cute shit you do, y’know? All that bringing her drinks, playing with her hair, looking at her like she’s the only person in the room? She’ll get bored so soon. She needs someone who can actually keep up with her, not some pathetic, whipped little romantic who gets all starry-eyed at the sight of her.”

Heeseung forced out a dry laugh, “yeah sure, keep telling yourself that.”

Jaemin stepped even closer, that ugly little smirk twisting his mouth, “you’re playing house while she’s used to getting fucked properly, I’m sure you’re not offering much to at all, you’re nothing but a rebound to her,” he scoffed once, and walked away. 

But the damage was done, because yes, Heeseung was soft, almost a whipped little romantic who let you take the lead when things got heated, how you pinned his wrists down or told him exactly how you wanted him, and how much he fucking loved giving in to you. The dream from this morning flashed behind his eyes again, your voice breaking on those three words while he was the one completely undone above you. Now it all felt suddenly pathetic, like something Jaemin could point at and laugh at.

Jealousy, envy, insecurity, these were the things he didn’t wish to feel, and gladly so, he never felt that with you, so why was an outsider here to remind him of his so called weaknesses? It felt like a spiral how he skipped the next lecture and pondered on Jaemin’s words. Did you actually not enjoy your time with him? Was he enough? Did you want a more intense relationship? Was it just a rebound?

He couldn’t find the answers to any of those questions, and managed to ignore every single text and call that came his way, letting himself cool down on the rooftop yet again. 

What he essentially forgot was how communication wasn’t a part of the relationship but the very pillar that ran practically any relationship on this earth, this being the very first instance of him not being able to express himself—something he did so freely around you. 

And so, the day passed without him replying to you. 

You felt the absence like a missing pulse. 

“You look crazy checking your phone every two minutes,” Sunoo pointed out, and you huffed, grabbing your phone again to stare at the unread texts you’d sent him through the day. 

The screen glowed mockingly in the low light of your dorm room, the blue bubble of your last message still floating unanswered beneath the others, heeseung? talk to me. you okay? i’m coming over if you don’t answer. Just silence that didn’t sit right with you. 

Sunoo flopped dramatically across the foot of your bed, legs kicking up behind him, while Winter perched on the windowsill, she watched you with that knowing tilt of her head, the one that always preceded a lecture of affection. 

“Babe,” she said, “he’s been ghosting the group chat too, something’s off. Like, capital-O off.”

You set the phone face-down on the blanket, but your fingers still twitched toward it. Sunoo nudged your ankle with his socked foot. 

“Go, seriously, and if he’s being a dramatic little shit, tell him Sunoo said to grow a pair and answer his damn phone.” His grin was bright, “you’re so in love it’s pathetic.”

Your lip only twitched, and you didn’t admit nor deny it. It was too early to even overthink what happened, was he drowning himself in self destruction while embracing pain for absolutely no reason? Regardless you frowned with disdain, pushing yourself up to actually do something about the situation, choosing to wear his hoodie he gave you a few days earlier. 

You didn’t bother fixing your hair or changing out of the soft shorts you’d been rotting in all evening. This wasn’t about looking put-together, it was about the fact that Heeseung had never once left a message on read without answering, in fact, he was the one who usually texted first, shared his problems, and discussed any and everything this world has to offer. Whatever had him locked down like this, it had teeth, and you were done waiting for him to chew through it alone.

By the time you reached there, a feeling of nervousness washed over you. Jake pulled the door open almost immediately, like he’d been hovering behind it. His eyes were wide, hair sticking up in about six different directions, and he looked so relieved to see you that it almost hurt.

“Jesus Christ, you’re here,” he sighed, stepping aside so you could slip in, “he got back from class and just shut down. Told me to fuck off when I asked if he wanted pasta. Jay tried the concerned roommate bit and got the door slammed in his face. This isn’t—he doesn’t do this, y’know?”

You nodded, throat tight, “I know.”

Jake hesitated, then added almost sheepishly, “if he’s being a dick, tell him I said to stop being a dramatic prick or i’ll take you away, or whatever.”

You gave him a chuckle and headed straight for the bedroom door, hoping that it wouldn’t be locked. It wasn’t, thankfully so, and you pushed the door open before you could talk yourself out of it. Heeseung sat on the edge of the bed in those black sweats that hung too low on his hips, elbows on his knees, staring at nothing. His hair was a mess, like he’d been running his hands through it for hours. The silver chain sat against his collarbone, rising and falling with these tight little breaths. He looked exhausted, hollowed out even.

He heard the door and his head snapped up.

For a second his eyes went wide, like he couldn’t believe it was really you standing there. The whiplash of emotions was too much, especially when you were clad in his hoodie with sadness gracing your pretty face that he really always wished to see happy. He stood up so fast the bed creaked, crossed the room in two strides, and pulled you against him like he’d been waiting to do exactly that all day.

His hands were rough as he grabbed your nape the second the door closed shut behind you, breathing hard as your lips parted to ask a question, but he only closed his eyes, slid his hand up to your head as he pushed you against the door, pushing his lips against yours in a messy claim. 

He can be rough, he can be the one to give you pleasure, of course he can. His fingers tightened in your hair, tilting your head exactly how he wanted it, tongue sliding in deep. You tasted the faint cherry from whatever he’d been drinking, felt the way his chest heaved against yours like he’d been running.

“Missed you,” he mumbled right into your mouth, the words half-bitten off by another rough kiss, “fuck, I missed you so bad today.”

“Heeseung—wait, what the hell happened—” you tried, but he swallowed the question with his mouth, sucking on your bottom lip hard enough to sting before dragging his teeth down the side of your neck. His free hand shoved under the hem of the hoodie, palm sprawled over the expanse of your waist, fingers digging in like he needed to feel skin right now

“Shh,” he breathed against your throat, voice wrecked, “don’t talk. Just—let me.” He sucked a mark right below your ear, like he was stamping proof that you were here, that you were his. His hips pressed forward, pinning you tighter to the door, and you could feel how hard he already was through his sweats.

The force of him made your breath hitch, your back flush against the cool wood while every inch of him burned insistent. He was never like this, not with you. Heeseung had always been careful, as if afraid that wrong move would make you slip away. But tonight something had snapped in him, and the way his fingers trembled just slightly against your skin told you he knew it too. He was trying to prove a point—to himself, to the ghost of Jaemin’s voice still echoing in his head—that he could be the rough, ravenous version he thought you wanted.

He spun you around so fast your palms slapped against the full-length mirror on the back of his closet door. The cool glass kissed your bare chest, making your nipples tighten instantly. Heeseung’s chest pressed flush to your back, one hand sliding up to grip your jaw, forcing your head up so you had no choice but to look at your own reflection—parted lips, eyes already glassy. 

“Look at yourself,” he rasped, “look how fucking pretty you are when you’re like this for me.”

His other hand snaked down your stomach, fingers dipping between your thighs without warning. Two thick digits pushed inside you in one smooth glide, curling instantly against that spot that made your knees buckle. You gasped, forehead dropping forward until it rested on the mirror, but Heeseung’s grip on your jaw tightened, yanking you back up.

“Eyes open, baby. Watch, yeah?” 

It most certainly was hot to see him take control, but you couldn’t understand the sudden switch, the implications, your mind was too foggy with the way you’d missed him through the day. Heeseung was too in his head, as if on some mission to make you feel good—which he always achieved, yet was not satisfied. 

He pumped his fingers slow and deep, twisting them on every drag out so you felt every ridge, every knuckle. The wet, slick sounds of your pussy taking his fingers echoed obscenely in the quiet dorm room. In the mirror you watched it all: the way your lips parted on a shaky moan, the flush crawling down your neck to your chest, the way your tits pressed and flattened against the cool glass with every rock of your hips. Heeseung’s reflection behind you was devastating—dark hair falling into his eyes, jaw clenched tight, that chain around his neck swaying every time he thrust his fingers harder.

“God, you’re so deep already,” you whimpered, hips rocking back to meet his hand, “keep going like that, yeah, just like that, Hee.”

Heeseung groaned low, forehead dropping to your shoulder for a second before he forced himself to look up again, as if in pain, “that’s it. Fuck, listen to how messy you sound. You’re dripping down my wrist, baby. Such a good girl for me.”

You bit your lip, eyes fluttering, but he tapped your jaw again.

“Don’t close your eyes. Want you to see how pretty you look when I finger fuck you like this.”

“Bossy tonight,” you teased breathlessly, even as your thighs started trembling, “I like it, but you’re gonna make me cum already if you keep rubbing my clit like that.”

“Good,” he rasped, thumb circling faster, fingers curling relentlessly, “cum for me. Right now. Let me see it.”

You moaned his name loud, walls fluttering and clenching around his fingers as you came, slick coating his hand. Heeseung kept working you through it, slower but deep, murmuring against your neck, “that’s my girl—fuck, you’re so pretty when you cum. Look at you shaking for me.”

He pulled his fingers out slowly, then brought them to your lips.

“Taste yourself, baby, hm? C’mon, open up.”

You sucked them clean, eyes never leaving his in the reflection, and he cursed under his breath the second your tongue swirled around his fingers. 

“Fuck—you’re gonna kill me.”

Before you could catch your breath he dropped to his knees behind you, hands gripping your hips and yanking you back so your ass arched toward his face.

“Keep watching the mirror,” he said, voice hoarse with need, “I want you to see me eat this pussy like I’ve been starving for it.”

Then his mouth was on you, as filthy as he could manage. His tongue dragged slow and broad from your clit all the way up, and you moaned loud, hands sliding down the glass.

“Oh my god, Hee—”

“Mhm, fuck, you taste even better after you come,” he groaned against you, the vibration making your legs weak, “spread your legs a little wider for me, baby. Let me get deeper.”

You did, pushing back against his face. His tongue fucked into you while his nose nudged your clit, then he sucked your swollen clit into his mouth hard.

“Yes—right there, don’t stop,” you panted, “your tongue feels so fucking good, baby, keep sucking like that.”

Heeseung moaned into your pussy, one hand reaching around to rub your clit while the other spread you open wider, “tell me how much you like it,” he mumbled between licks, voice desperate, “tell me you love my mouth on you.”

“I love it—fuck, I love your mouth, Hee. You’re so good at this—shit, I’m gonna cum again if you keep going like that.”

He sucked harder, tongue flicking fast, fingers joining to curl inside you, “then let go again, right on my tongue. I want to feel you fall apart while you watch yourself in the mirror.”

Your second orgasm crashed over you even harder, a high pitched moan leaving your mouth, almost as if you were chanting his name like a mantra, thighs shaking violently as you came on his tongue, and Heeseung licked you through every pulse, slow and greedy, humming happily like he couldn’t get enough.

You were still trembling when he finally pulled away, breathing hard against the inside of your thigh. His eyes met yours in the mirror for a second, looking all desperate, almost frantic before he stood up and turned you around. His hands were shaking as they gripped your waist.

“Come here,” he said, voice rough, like the words were being dragged out of him. He kissed you immediately, with the need to taste the way you’d just fallen apart for him, “bed. I need you on the bed right now.”

You nodded, legs still unsteady, and he didn’t wait. He lifted you, your back hitting the mattress a second later. He climbed over you fast, knees bracketing your hips, but instead of diving right in he paused, hovering above you, chest heaving. His eyes were wide, pupils blown, and for a split second you saw the soft Heeseung underneath all that intensity—the one who always checked on you, the one who was terrified of messing this up.

“You really want this?” He asked, voice cracking a little even though he was trying to sound sure. His hand came up to cup your cheek, thumb brushing your skin like he couldn’t stop himself, “all the way, me inside you. Tell me you want it, baby, please.”

“I want it,” you whispered, reaching up to pull him closer by his chain, “I want you, Hee. Stop holding back.”

He let out a shaky breath and nodded, like he was steeling himself. He shoved the rest of his clothes off as you watched the pretty boy in front of you. It was clear how he wanted to prove a point, and you were gonna let him, granted he wasn’t in the mood to talk, his faint muscles flexing was distracting you as well, but yeah, you were letting him take control. 

He gripped your thighs and spread you open wider, breathing hard as he tried not to stare to the point he starts drooling because, lord, you looked absolutely stunning all spread out on his bed, looking up at him with need, bottom lip bitten. He lined up, the blunt head of his cock pressing right against your entrance, and for a second he just stayed there, breathing hard, eyes flicking up to yours like he was still fighting whatever storm was in his head.

“Tell me again,” he said, “tell me you want this.”

“I want this,” you breathed, pulling him down into a messy kiss, tongues sliding deep right away, “I want you inside me, Hee. Stop thinking and just take me.”

He groaned into your mouth and pushed forward.

The first inch stretched you open, slow and thick. You both gasped against each other’s lips.

“Fuck—you’re so tight,” he muttered, forehead pressed to yours, hips trembling as he held still, “just the tip and you’re already gripping me like that. You okay?”

You nodded quickly, nails dragging lightly down his back, “keep going, I can take more.”

He kissed you again, deeper this time, almost desperate, and rolled his hips forward on the second thrust as another inch sank in. The burn was sharp but so fucking good your back arched.

“Shit—baby,” he groaned, voice cracking. He sucked a hard mark right under your jaw, teeth grazing your skin as he pushed in a third time, slower, letting you adjust, “you feel—gosh, you feel unreal, i’m trying not to lose it already.”

Your nails dug in harder, scratching down his shoulder blades as he gave one more careful thrust and finally bottomed out, hips flush against yours. The full stretch made you moan loud into his mouth, legs tightening around his waist.

Heeseung stilled completely, breathing ragged against your neck, trying not to whimper, “talk to me. Does it hurt? Tell me the truth.”

“A little,” you whispered, “but I love it. You feel so deep already. Move, baby, I need you to move.”

He started with slow, deep rolls of his hips, grinding against you on every stroke like he was still trying to stay in control. But you could feel the tension building in his body, the way his fingers dug into your thighs a little harder each time.

“Yeah? Like this?” He asked, voice rougher now as he snapped his hips forward a little sharper, “you want me to fuck you harder?”

“Harder,” you moaned, nails raking down his back again, leaving red lines, “don’t be gentle tonight. I want all of it.”

He dropped his head to your neck and bit down hard, sucking yet another dark mark into your skin as his hips suddenly slammed forward. The thrusts turned brutal, the bed creaking loudly under you. His chain slapped against your chest with every snap of his hips. He was fucking you like he’d been holding back for months—desperate, almost punishing strokes that knocked the breath out of you.

“Fuck—fuck, baby,” he groaned against your throat, voice completely wrecked, “you’re taking me so fucking good. This pussy is mine tonight. Mine.”

You cried out and he kissed you again, tongues sliding messily while he pounded into you without any rhythm left. His hips stuttered, slamming harder, faster, completely mindless now, like every doubt in his head was being fucked out with every brutal thrust.

“Shit—I can’t—can’t slow down,” he panted, “you feel too good, gonna fuck you until you can’t walk tomorrow.”

He was gone—eyes hazy, sweat dripping down his chest, hips snapping wildly as he lost himself inside you, chasing that raw, desperate need to prove he could be everything he thought you wanted. His chain bounced wildly against your chest, his fingers digging bruises into your thigh like he needed something to hold onto. 

You were right there with him, body tightening, moans spilling out against his mouth, when the intensity tipped over into something too much, too fast. Your hand shot back, fingers digging into his hip.

“Heeseung—stop. Stop for a second.”

He froze mid-thrust, buried to the hilt, every muscle locking up at once. His breath hitched hard against your neck. For a long second the room was just the sound of both of you breathing, ragged and uneven. You could feel the panic crashing over him. 

“Fuck—did I hurt you?” His voice cracked, he pulled back just enough to look at you, eyes already glassy with tears that spilled over when he blinked, “shit, I’m so sorry—I got too rough, I didn’t mean to, I was trying so hard not to be soft and I just—fuck, I thought if I fucked you harder you’d want me, you’d stay, I—”

His lip trembled. Another tear slid down his cheek and landed warm on your skin. He looked completely shattered, still deep inside you, like the idea that he might have hurt you was breaking him apart right there.

You cupped his face with both hands, thumbs gently brushing the tears from under his eyes, “baby, shh. You didn’t hurt me,” you whispered, voice soft, full of warmth, “not even a little. I promise. You feel so good, Hee. C’mon breathe with me, okay?”

He stared at you, eyes wide and wet, lips pressed tight together like he was trying not to fall apart completely. He gave the smallest shake of his head, refusing to speak at first.

You leaned up and kissed him, just a gentle press of your lips until he softened into it, a shaky little exhale leaving him. When you pulled back you kept your forehead against his, thumbs still stroking his cheeks.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” you murmured, voice barely above a whisper, “I can feel it, baby. Something’s been eating at you. Please talk to me.”

Heeseung swallowed hard, eyes fluttering shut for a second as another tear slipped free. His voice came out small, cracked, almost ashamed.

“Jaemin cornered me after class,” he whispered, “uh—he said I’m too soft, fucking whipped. That I’m just a pathetic rebound and you’d get bored of me in a week because someone like me could never keep a girl like you. Said you need someone who can actually fuck you right, not some gentle loser,” his breath hitched, “I just—I didn’t want to be that guy anymore. I wanted to prove I could be what you need, I know this isn’t what you wanted, our whole FWB thing.”

You stayed right there, forehead pressed to his, thumbs still gently wiping his tears as you looked at him with nothing but softness in your eyes, heart hurting at how the guy who makes you the happiest was reduced to some loser by your pathetic excuse of an ex. 

“I like you exactly how you are,” you let out, heat creeping up your neck, the position only making you feel more with his cock still buried deep in you. 

“Y—you like me?” He gasped as you licked his tear away, “really?”

“I do, Hee. I forgot about the whole no strings arrangement long back, I found myself wanting to spend more time with you, and who am I to deprive myself of happiness?” You chuckled, “you can’t force your feelings to go away, or change yourself, y’know? Fuck Jaemin, he doesn’t know shit, he could never make me cum and he definitely could never make me feel the way you do.”

Heeseung let out a shaky, broken exhale, his forehead still resting against yours as fresh tears welled up, “I thought—I thought I was ruining everything. I was so scared you’d realize I’m just the rebound, and you’d leave. I didn’t want to lose you, so I tried to be someone else tonight. I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry.”

You shook your head, “you didn’t ruin anything, Hee, not even close. You could never ruin this. I’m right here, okay? I’m not going anywhere, I don’t mind you being rough or soft, yeah?”

He swallowed hard, “I don’t want to be rough, I never really did. I just, I thought that’s what you needed from me. But I want to be soft with you, can I—can I do that? Please?”

You couldn’t help the soft chuckle that escaped you, the sound made his lips twitch, and then he was smiling—small, shy, and so genuinely relieved it made your heart squeeze. He immediately hid his face in the crook of your neck, embarrassed, his breath warm against your skin as he let out a quiet, shy laugh of his own.

“Stop laughing at me,” he mumbled into your neck, but you could hear the smile in his voice, the way his shoulders relaxed.

“I’m not laughing at you,” you whispered, still chuckling as you threaded your fingers through his hair, “I’m laughing because you’re adorable, and I like you like this. Exactly like this.”

Heeseung lifted his head just enough to look at you again, eyes still glassy but now shining with something brighter as he managed another kiss, pouring every unsaid feeling into it. When he pulled back, his voice was soft. 

“I love you,” he breathed out, “I’m so in love with you. I don’t want no-strings, I want everything. Mornings where I wake up and you’re stealing my hoodie. Nights where we fall asleep tangled up like this, and I want all of it with you.”

You smiled against his lips, heart so full it felt like it might burst, “I’m falling in love with you too, Hee, I want all of that with you too.”

He whined, kissing you all clumsy, rolling his hips in long, loving strokes that made you feel every inch of him. The pace was unhurried, like he wanted to savor every second.

“Feel that?” He whispered, forehead pressed to yours, eyes locked on you, “I love being inside you like this. I love feeling you around me—so warm, so perfect.”

You moaned softly, legs wrapping tighter around him as you rocked up to meet his slow thrusts, “you feel so good, baby.”

Heeseung smiled again with a giggle, hiding his face in your neck for a moment before kissing along your throat, “you’re so beautiful,” he murmured between kisses, “the way you look when I’m inside you, the little sounds you make, I could stay like this for hours. Just loving you, just making you feel good.”

His hand found yours, lacing your fingers together and pinning it gently above your head while the other slid down to cup your breast, thumb brushing over your nipple in slow, tender circles. Every thrust was accompanied by quiet words—I love you, you feel incredible, never letting you go, whispered against your skin like prayers.

You squeezed his hand, “I love how you make me feel safe, don’t ever change, okay?”

“I won’t, I promise, i just want to make you feel loved. Every single day.”

The room filled with nothing but the soft creak of the bed, your quiet moans, and his gentle praises. He kept the pace slow and deep, grinding against you on every thrust so your clit rubbed perfectly against him. His lips never left your skin—kissing your neck, your jaw, your mouth, your collarbone like he couldn’t bear to stop touching you.

“You’re everything to me,” he whispered, voice thick with emotion as he rolled his hips again, “I’m so lucky you’re mine. So fucking lucky.”

“I’m the lucky one, baby. Now keep loving me just like this, I never want this to end.”

Heeseung smiled against your mouth, eyes shining with pure adoration, and did exactly that—loving you slow, deep, and full of so much tenderness it felt like the rest of the world had disappeared.

Just the two of you, and the moonlight in the room. 

MEANWHILE:

You shushed Heeseung for the nth time as he smiled against your palm, but you were serious, peering down the hallway from the narrow alcove where you’d both hidden behind a pillar.

“Stop smiling, you’re going to get us caught,” you whispered, though your own grin was fighting to break free.

Heeseung only chuckled quietly, pressing a soft kiss to your wrist, “can’t help it. You look so adorable trying to be all serious.”

You rolled your eyes, but your heart felt warm as his arms stayed wrapped around your waist from behind, chin resting on your shoulder.

The classroom door finally swung open. Students spilled out, and then Jaemin stepped into the hallway, laughing loudly with his friends.

The second you saw him, you stepped out without hesitation, you lifted the chilled cup and poured the entire icy matcha straight over his head from the first floor, the aim being too good to your surprise. 

Jaemin gasped, stumbling back as green liquid drenched his hair and hoodie, “what the fuck—”

Loud laughter exploded from the crowd around him. Phones came out instantly, people whistling and clapping, and you didn’t stay to admire your work.

You grabbed Heeseung’s hand and ran, both of you sprinting down the side hallway until you ducked into an empty stairwell, breathless and laughing.

“Oh my god, his face,” you wheezed, back pressed against the wall.

Heeseung leaned over you, one hand beside your head, smiling so beautifully it made your knees weak—eyes crinkled, full of pure adoration and joy.

“You’re insane, taking revenge for me again,” he said softly, “and I’m so in love with you.”

You reached up, cupping his cheek. He leaned in and kissed you sweetly, so full of everything you two had become. When he pulled back, forehead resting against yours, he was still smiling that same breathtaking smile.

“I love you,” he whispered.

You kissed the corner of his mouth, grinning, and you did mean it with your whole heart as you proceeded to say. 

“I love you more.”

THANK YOU FOR READING

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“having issues?” heeseung asks, watching you aggressively type on your cell phone. 

“shit, you scared me.” you jump back. “yeah, my AC and shower stopped working. i have no where to cool off.” 

heeseung laughs. “so you chose to hug the soda machine?” a brief pause before continuing. “why didn’t you just come knock on my door, i would’ve let you in.” 

“well.. is that offer still on the table?” you question, wondering if it was a lie or not. 

“of course the offer is still there. come on in.” heeseung leads you into his unit. 

heeseung’s apartment unit was cool, the AC at full blast—it was in way better than the condition of your apartment.  you sat on his couch, making yourself comfortable as heeseung gave you a glass of cold water. 

“you mentioned your shower was broken, why don’t you use mine.” heeseung sits down, his body twists—pointing to the bathroom. 

you remove your lips from the glass, lipstick staining its rim. “oh no it’s okay, i’ll wait for maintenance to come fix it.” you set the glass onto the table. “plus i didn’t bring any clothes with me.” 

“that’s okay, you can just wear mine.” 

the couch dips as heeseung gets back up, jogging into his bedroom to retrieve a pair of shorts and a t-shirt he doesn’t wear anymore. “let me know if you need anything.” 

you thank him before standing up, and walking over to the bathroom. you leave the door open ajar, pealing off your sweat soaked clothes—and stepping into the cool water flowing out from the shower head. 

the heat does start getting to you, a feeling of overheating hitting your system. you hold onto the shower walls, hoping in some way, this feeling will go away. 

but it doesn’t, in fact, it only gets worse. 

“heeseung.” you call out. “can you come in here?”

you hear the door handle being fumbled, signaling his presence. “everything okay?” 

you lie. “yeah.. i just needed some company.” 

“company? why didn’t you say so?” heeseung sits on the covered toilet seat. “so tell me about your day.” 

you talk to him about the events of your day, attempting to recall as much as you could. your words became to slow down, becoming more and more incoherent. heeseung picks up on it, but he’s afraid to step in and ask. 

“i lied. can you come in here with me. i don’t feel well.” you grip onto the shower wall tighter. 

heeseung hesitates at first, but worries wash over him quickly as he heard less and less from you. he takes a deep breath, before pulling back the shower curtain slowly. 

heeseung finds you in the corner of the shower, hands pressed onto the shower wall. once he enters, you grab his forearm, you also grab his now soaked shirt.

heeseung grabs your hips, holding you under the cold water. your vision blurs, barely making out his figure. heeseung uses his free hand to splash your face with the cool liquid. 

after continuously splashing water against you, your vision becomes clear, you’re finally able to process what happened. 

“oh god..” you look at him terrified. “that was awful.”

“scared me for a sec.” heeseung tries to catch his breath. 

his arm reach out of the shower, grabbing the closest towel and wrapping it around your body. heeseung wasted no time carrying you to his bedroom, allowing you to sit. he grabs the glass of water resting on his bedside table, putting it to your lips. 

“drink.” he quietly demands, not taking no for an answer. 

you open your mouth and take a couple sips. heeseung sits beside you, still a bit shaken up from the previous event. 

“i can give you some space.. if you want.” he gently brushes your damp hair out of your face. 

“no. stay.”  you grab onto his forearm, again.

heeseung’s mind is everywhere, quite frankly in the gutters. he has his hot neighbor sitting on his bed, only a towel around her body. she was holding onto him with everything she’s got. 

you’re not doing any good either, half naked on your neighbors bed, a bit lightheaded from the heat—but wet from the thick tension between the two of you.

“okay, i’ll stay.” heeseung moves closer, his thigh now touching yours. 

he doesn’t care that his comforter is now wet. all heeseung cared about is making sure you’re okay, and maybe getting that towel off of you. 

“thank you for helping me in the shower.” you break the silence. “i probably would’ve fallen, or worse.”

“it’s no problem, i’m just glad i was there to help you.” 

heeseung didn’t move, neither did you. in fact, all you wanted to do was pull him closer, and thank him for being there during a vulnerable moment. 

you both looked at each other, hunger in both your eyes—in the way you both gripped onto each other. your hand was still on his forearm, this time only tighter. heeseung’s arm wrapped around your waist, holding you steady. 

you lean in close, placing a small kiss on heeseung’s closed lips. your lips don’t part, in fact you’re only testing the waters, making sure you both want this. 

that small kiss only made heeseung pull you closer. both his hands rest on your hips, pulling you into his lap. he kisses you, more passion, his hands roaming above the damp towel. 

you kiss him like you’re hungry, tongue swirling with his, memorizing every muscle, all the movements you can. your hands wrap around his neck loosely, molding yourself onto his body. 

heeseung’s frustration grows louder, tugging the towel off your body — tossing it onto the floor ever so carelessly. he doesn’t care where it lands, his skin just needs to touch yours. 

his lips trail from yours, along your jaw, down your neck, down the valley of your tits. heeseung’s fingers toy with your nipples, lightly tugging on the skin, watching your reactions. 

“heeseung..” you moan, breathing heavily. 

“where do you want me, baby?” he asks, hand still cupping your tit.

you reach for his hand, guiding him to where you need him the most—in between your legs. 

“fuck.” heeseung groans, rubbing your clit in circles. “you’re ready for me baby, aren’t you?”

you nod yes, encouraging him to rub you more. your back arches off the bed, hips rolling onto his hand.  your hand reaches for his shorts, tugging at the material. 

heeseung wastes no time, sliding his shorts down to his ankles. he gives himself a few strokes before sliding into you completely. 

“you’re so fucking tight.” heeseung murmurs against your skin, his lips latching onto your neck as he thrusts into your pussy. 

“harder..” you whine, just inches away from your upcoming orgasm. 

the pace picks up, heeseung begins rutting into you.  your back pushed into the mattress with every animalistic thrust, legs shaking as your orgasm washes over you.  

heeseung’s seed pours deep inside you, a string of cum trickling out from your used hole as he pulls out. he plops beside you, panting for air. 

“you know…you’re always welcome in my apartment.” heeseung chuckles, cleaning off your inner thigh. 

“i am?” you lay your head on his chest, looking up at heeseung. 

“most definitely, especially when you need to cool off.” heeseung caresses your back, pulling you close to him as you both sleep into a deep slumber.  

If you thought that Lee Heeseung was caring before you were pregnant, it was nothing compared to how he was now.

You were seven months along with you and Heeseung’s first child, a girl, and he hadn’t let you lift a finger since you bounded to him and tearfully showed him the positive pregnancy test. He had been waiting on you hand and foot despite his busy life as an idol, and the amount of unconditional love he showed you made you fall in love with him over and over again each day.

It was a gorgeous summer morning, with the soft glow of the rising sun filtering through the partially closed curtains in your bedroom. Without opening your eyes, you stretched out your hand and groped around where you usually found your husband, but he wasn’t there. On top of that, the bed was cold where he usually slept.

“Heeseung?” you said, your voice hoarse from not being used since the previous night.

“Good morning, my love,” he murmured from somewhere close to you. “I brought you some breakfast.”

You stirred, cracking your eyes open just enough to see your handsome husband standing next to the bed, a tray full of various breakfast foods in his hands.

“Heeseung,” you yawned. “How long have you been up?”

“Long enough to make breakfast for my beautiful wife who’s carrying our baby girl.”

“And how long is that?”

Heeseung thought for a moment. “Maybe two hours?”

You glanced at the clock perched atop your bedside table to see that it was 8:03. “You woke up at 6?”

“That’s when I got up. I was awake before that.”

You shifted, trying to sit up so that Heeseung could place the tray on your lap. However, your swollen belly made moving hard, and you struggled to shift yourself into a sitting position. Heeseung noticed immediately, setting the tray down on the bedside table and helping you sit up. You grunted with the effort, inhaling deeply and placing a hand on your bump after finally getting into a sitting position.

“I hate how hard it is to move now,” you said breathlessly. Heeseung gave you a sympathetic smile before sitting next to you, leaning down to press his head to your belly.

“I’m sorry it’s hard, babe,” he said quietly. “But I’m so glad that you’re carrying our baby girl. I’m so excited to meet her.”

You felt the corners of your lips tug upwards. “I am, too. Even though she keeps me awake all night when she kicks me.”

Heeseung raised his eyes to you, his head still resting on your torso. “She does that?”

You laughed. “Yeah, especially the last week or so. She kicks me all night and presses on my bladder so I have to pee all the time. She’s very needy.”

“Not unlike her mama,” Heeseung joked, flashing a smile at you. You gently flicked his shoulder, but you couldn’t help but smile. Heeseung had never minded your neediness, and he told you often that he loved getting the chance to serve you as often as he did. You genuinely could not have asked for a more perfect husband.

“Are you hungry?” he asked, interrupting the comfortable silence that had settled between you. “I tried to make all your favorites.”

“Thank you, baby,” you said, running a hand through Heeseung’s hair. As he laid there, head resting on your belly and hand gently massaging your hip, you felt something familiar stir between your legs. Heeseung was effortlessly handsome, and it didn’t help that he was wearing your favorite gray sweatpants and a black shirt that clung to every muscle of his chest.

“I’d love to eat, but I want an appetizer first,” you told him, your fingers gently grazing his scalp in the way you knew he adored.

“Oh? And what would that be?”

You lowered your hand to his, grabbing it gently and raising it to your swollen breasts that were barely concealed beneath your nightgown. A small smirk spread across his face at this as he gave one breast a loving squeeze, and a soft moan left your mouth.

It was no secret to either of you that your pregnancy hormones had drastically altered your libido. You and Heeseung had a very active sex life before you had gotten pregnant—after all, you got pregnant almost immediately after you had agreed to start trying. However, once your hormones began to shift, you could barely keep your hands off your husband. He had no complaints, and you ended up having sex multiple times a day for the first few months. You had slowed down a bit more due to how difficult it had become for you to move, but your desire from Heeseung still felt insatiable—especially now.

Heeseung’s hand continued to squeeze your breast for a moment before he slowly traced a finger over your tender nipple, and you let out another delicious sound as his thumb worked the sensitive bud.

“Feel good, my love?” he murmured, looking at you with a mix of love and lust in his eyes.

“Feels so good.”

Heeseung took that as his sign to continue, so he lifted his head and pulled the top of your nightgown down to expose your breasts. He then leaned forward, taking one nipple in his mouth as his hand worked the other.

“Oh, Heeseung,” you breathed, leaning your head back against the headboard as your hands gripped his hair harder. “Just like that.”

He groaned against your breast in acknowledgement, his tongue swirling around your sensitive flesh in a way that drove you crazy. All you could do was let out a string of soft moans, your eyes closed in absolutely ecstasy.

After a moment, Heeseung’s hand lowered, skirting along the hem of your nightgown before slipping beneath the silky fabric. His fingers lazily traced up the soft flesh of your inner thigh, eliciting more of your sweet sounds that he loved.

“Heeseung, touch me,” you whispered, your breath already ragged.

“Anything for you, baby,” he said against your chest, giving you a small smile as his fingers found their way to the wetness at the apex of your thighs. One of Heeseung’s favorite things about you being pregnant was that you didn’t like sleeping in panties, which allowed him easy access to his favorite part of you whenever he wanted it.

As Heeseung’s fingers ran along your folds, a whimper left your lips from just how badly you needed him to touch you. Your hips slowly rolled against his fingers in pure need, and he smirked at you as he finally found your clit. He began to rub slow circles over it, watching your face to see just how much you were enjoying what he was doing to you.

“Heeseung, fuck,” you said, both hands now buried in his damp hair. “That feels amazing.”

“Yeah?” he said, taking your other nipple in his mouth now. He immediately began to suck on it, using his teeth ever so slightly to create the sensation that had you moaning his name. All the while, he continued rubbing your clit, the pace of his fingers increasing as the volume of your moans did so as well.

“S-so close, Heeseung,” you whined, your back arching against the plush pillows you were propped up against. “It’s s-so much, babe. Too much.”

Heeseung continued to increase his pace, and when your thighs began to tremble from your rising orgasm, Heeseung bit your nipple. The intensity of his love bite accompanied by the burning pleasure between your legs was too much, and you found yourself crying out Heeseung’s name repeatedly as you came. He continued to suck and rub you as you rode out your high, not once stopping until he knew you were well and truly wrecked.

“Oh my god,” you stammered, your breaths uneven as you returned to reality. “That felt amazing.”

“I’m glad,” Heeseung smiled, lifting his mouth to yours before kissing you deeply. Your tongues immediately met, engaging in a passionate dance as he slowly shifted your nightgown upwards. He broke away from you to lift the silky slip above your head, now leaving you fully nude in front of him.

“Oh, baby,” he whispered, one hand cupping your face as the other gently rubbed your belly. “You are so, so beautiful. I love you so much.”

You felt tears prick your eyes at his words, and you placed a hand on the back of his neck before tugging him towards you for another kiss. As your lips clashed together, you lowered your hand to the hardness in his pants, eliciting a deep-throated groan from him.

“Oh, y/n,” he moaned against your lips. “Fuck, feels s’ good.”

You hummed happily into the kiss, gently rubbing up and down his clothed shaft with lazy strokes. His hips began to involuntarily move against your hand, increasing the depth of your touch in a way that had both of you desperate for more.

“I need to be inside you, baby,” Heeseung said as your fingers explored where the head of his cock met the shaft. “Please let me be inside you.”

“Only because you asked so nicely,” you laughed against his lips. You tugged his shirt over his head, revealing the perfectly toned chest beneath. You sucked in a breath at just how incredibly sexy your husband was, and he only became sexier as he maneuvered his sweatpants and boxers down his legs. His cock was rock-hard, already leaking from you rubbing him through his pants.

He gently grabbed your thighs and tugged you further down the bed so that you were laying flat, your head cradled by the soft, expensive pillows Heeseung had insisted on buying you when he found out you were pregnant.

“Are you okay?” he asked, running a tender hand along your hip. “Comfortable?”

“Yes, Hee,” you told him with a soft smile. “Thank you for checking. Now please, make love to me?”

“I would love nothing more.”

Heeseung pressed a series of kisses to your swollen stomach before lifting his lips to yours, kissing you like he had all the time in the world. After a moment, you felt his hand slowly spreading your thighs before you felt his tip press against your entrance. The entire time, he did not break the kiss—not even when he pushed inside you slowly.

“Ah, fuck, Hee,” you breathed, inhaling sharply as his long cock stretched you wide.

“How does it feel, my love?”

“Amazing,” you moaned against his lips, your back arching upwards from the unbridled pleasure of your husband filling every inch of your aching pussy.

“Good,” he whispered, slowly pulling out to the tip before thrusting back in. “I love being able to make love to you. There’s nothing else I’d rather do.”

You nodded, squeezing your eyes shut as he continued to thrust in and out of you with so much care you could’ve wept. There were times when you wanted Heeseung to fuck you until you couldn’t walk, but there were also times when you just wanted him to make love to you while whispering sweet nothings in your ear. Luckily for you, he always seemed to know which one you wanted based on your behavior during foreplay. Today? You wanted to be loved, nurtured, and cared for.

“You’re breathtaking, baby,” Hee said against your ear before nipping it gently. His hips continued to roll into yours, burying him to the hilt inside you with each movement. When he moved as slow as he was now, you could feel each delicious inch of his length rubbing along your sensitive walls, and you tightly grasped his biceps as you whimpered.

“Gonna make such a good mama,” his voice came again. As he continued to hold himself up with one arm, the other raised to your face. His thumb gently brushed against your flushed skin. “I love seeing how well you take my dick, baby. Such a good girl for me, yeah?”

You nodded, opening your eyes to stare up into Heeseung’s. They were full of so much love, and once you made eye contact with him, he let out a moan and increased his pace.

“God, I love when you look at me like that,” he groaned, still gazing at you.

“Tell me how much you love me,” you whispered, searching his eyes as he continued to thrust in and out of you.

“I love you so fucking much, baby,” he said, caressing your cheek. “I love that you’re my wife, I love that you’re the mother of my child, I love that I get to wake up to you every morning, I love that I get to have sex with you all the time, I love how kind you are… should I keep going?”

You shook your head slightly, tears filling your eyes. Heeseung noticed immediately, and he paused his movements and looked at you with the utmost concern in his eyes. “Baby? What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“Nothing is wrong,” you said, taking a shaky inhale as you smiled up at your husband. “You’re just so sweet. I love you so much.”

Heeseung broke into a grin, his hips slowly resuming their previous pace. You let out a sound that was a mix between a moan and a sob, and Heeseung pressed a few kisses to your temple as he continued making love to you. With his free hand, he brushed a few rogue strands of hair from your forehead, and you weren’t sure you could stop yourself from crying for much longer. The delicious mix of pleasure and love spread through your body, and you realized after a moment that you were close to another orgasm.

“Heeseung,” you moaned, throwing your head back against the plush pillows. “I th-think I’m gonna cum again, baby.”

“Fuck, that’s hot,” he groaned, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment. “That’s making me close, too.”

“Cum with me, Hee,” you whispered, lifting your hand to his jaw and slowly rubbing along the hardness of it.

Heeseung’s movements became sloppier, his moans more desperate, as his climax rose within him, and he let out a shuddering cry as he finally came inside you. At the same time, your orgasm crashed over you, and you both held each other as you found your releases.

“I love you, Heeseung,” you said after a moment.

Heeseung’s eyes found yours, and he pressed a gentle kiss to your lips. “I love you more. Now that you’ve had your appetizer, would you finally like your entree?”

You gave him a mischievous smile. “Of course, but do I get dessert afterwards?”

Heeseung’s cheeks reddened slightly, and you felt him start to harden again inside you. “I would love to give you dessert.”

You kissed him again, deeper this time. “Good, because I’m very hungry.”

tonight was just a movie night. you and heeseung chilling in his apartment, watching a movie in his comfy couch, his arm around you as you both ate popcorn.

you were just laying your head on his shoulder, satisfied. you heard your phone buzz, on the left of the couch. sighing, you move to check the message.

"who is it, baby?" heeseung asks calmly, eyes still on the movie.

you turn your phone off. "just yunjin texting me about some guy she-"

you stop on your tracks when your eyes look down.

'playboy' with the logo beside it, peaking out of his sweatpants. new boxers, definitely. holy fucking shit.

heeseung frowned. "doll?" he looked at you, frowning even more when he saw your eyes stuck down somewhere. he looked down, about to ask if it was some kind of bug.

"hee... when did you buy these?" you ask lowly. slowly. your fingers ran on top of the edge gently.

he frowned even more before he realized you were talking about the boxers. "oh, I think last week. I read somewhere they were more comfortable, and they really are, so-"

you shut him up as you kissed him, going to his lap. the kiss was desperate, one of your hands still on his hip and the other on his neck now.

heeseung was caught off-guard, placing his hands on your hips as he kissed you back. "doll- doll, what-" you didn't let him speak, sucking on his tongue, getting a moan off him.

you pulled back to kiss down his neck, rubbing your hips against his. "d-doll... fuck- why are you so horny?" he asked, breathless as you marked his neck.

you left a hickey and pulled back to look at him. "these fucking boxers. gosh, you look so damn hot." you kissed him again, making him groan.

you could feel him getting hard as you kept rubbing. you pulled back from the kiss to pull his shirt off him, which he did without a second thought. you saw the edge of his boxers and almost moaned. fuck, he looked amazing.

you started to kiss on his collarbone, still moving your hips against his. he groaned again. "goddamn it- oh, baby... when did you get so freaky?" he smirked down at you.

you looked up. "the moment I saw you with these boxers." you kneeled down between his legs. oh, that was a sight he could never get tired of.

you slowly pulled his sweatpants down, only the boxers on him now. he was hard, a wet spot on the material where his tip is. you palmed him slowly, making a weak groan get out of him. "oh, doll... gosh-"

you just pulled his hard dick out of the boxers, not bothering to take them off yet. you fisted his dick slowly, letting the precum run through your hand, getting a low groan from heeseung. you licked his cock after, going from the base to the tip, teasing him. he only moaned, hands gripping the couch. "come on baby- just please, suck me already..." he muttered.

you smirked before shoving it all inside your mouth at once, the tip hitting your throat, making your vision blur. heeseung moaned, head leaning back against the couch, eyes closing.

his hand grabbed your hair as your head went up and down, mouth sucking his cock just the way he liked it. heeseung was in heaven, groaning at the feeling, your mouth driving him crazy.

you took it off your mouth to lick the tip and go back down, the sounds wet and nasty. he was loving it.

when heeseung tightened his grip on your hair, you knew he was close. you kept sucking him, spit and precum running down your chin. but just as he was about to get close, you pulled out, catching your breath.

he immediately opened his eyes to look down at you, his cock hard and red. "b-baby, I was about to-"

you smirked, wiping your chin with the back of your hand. "you will cum inside me when I ride you, understood?" you asked as you got up. heeseung immediately went silent, your tone making him almost explode just there.

you made it torturous, taking your shirt off first, slowly. the image of your boobs, just there, in front of him, it made heeseung want to just pull you down and suck on them. but he stayed put.

you slowly took your shorts after, your black panties covering the pussy he wanted oh so bad to see. it had enough sheerness for him to see, but not enough for him to *see*.

you chuckled before taking the panties off and sitting on his lap. "you look hungry." you teased.

he gripped your hips before running his hands up and down your thighs. "starving for you, mama. please... I need to cum." he looked up at you, those shiny eyes you couldn't say 'no' to.

you smirked. "since you asked nicely..." you positioned yourself before lowering down on him. heeseung moaned, grip tightening on your hips as he bottomed out inside you. you leaned your head back, moaning.

he felt you start to move your hips back and forth, making him lose his mind. he took your left boob on his mouth, sucking on it, bitting, kissing, licking. you held onto his hair, going up and down on his cock now.

"hee- fuck, oh my-" his big cock inside you felt so good.

he chuckled against your boob. "feel good, babydoll? yeah, bounce on that dick. it's yours baby." he said before sucking on your nipple. his hands went to your ass, squeezing as he helped your movements on his lap.

you knew he was close, the way he was thrusting up into you, his small groans. it took barely 5 minutes before he held your hips still, cumming deep into your pussy, moaning against your shoulder.

you barely registered the orgasm before he threw you on the couch, stomach up. he was breathing heavily, slightly sweaty, looking frustrated.

"you thought you could refuse me like that and not get out absolutely wrecked?" he asked lowly, taking his sweatpants off together with his playboy boxers, eyes burning with lust and danger.

he suddenly had an idea and took his boxers back up from the floor, eyes dark. "you like my boxers, huh? be a good girl and open that mouth for me." he commanded lowly. you opened your mouth without a single thought before he shoved his boxers into your mouth.

he climbed over you, settling between his legs before shoving his dick inside you again. you moaned, the sound muffled by his boxers. his pace already started fast, making you roll your eyes back to your head, nails digging into the skin of his shoulders. his grip on your hips was tight as he pounded into you, moaning as well.

heeseung leaned down, taking your right boob into his mouth, sucking hard on the nipple before swirling his tongue around it. you moaned louder around the boxers on your mouth, clenching around him. he chuckled against your tit and took his hand down between your legs, pressing his thumb to your clit and rubbing fast. you rolled your eyes in pure pleasure, mind going a little blurry. it all felt so good with him.

it barely registered before you came around him, moaning loud around the boxers, thighs shaking. heeseung moaned, satisfied, thumb leaving your clit so he could take hold of your hip again.

a few thrusts later, he came inside you again, both of you moaning. he took the boxers off your mouth, making you breath heavily. "is my babydoll okay?"

you nodded, breathless. "yeah..." you let out, staring up at him.

he smirked. "you really like my new boxers, huh?" he leaned down to press a kiss to your shoulder. you nodded a bit.

hesseung chuckled lowly against your skin. "good. wanna make sure I fuck you so hard tonight they'll be all you remember." he said and flipped you over, making you lay on your stomach, shoving his dick inside you again.

taglist: @sxno0 @ikeumiu @arelyvn @pussiifairy @supahintohoon @foreveronez @shinaerie @nishiirkz @supahintohoon @hyyhwriter (idk who else to tag guys I'm sorry im kinda sleep deprived lol)