☎ ;; ♚
♚ : for a confessing voicemail
“just so you know, i lost a bet which is the only reason i’m doing this, okay? anyways. here we go... you’re hot and i’m lowkey into you and i have wet dreams about you. alright. take care.”
☎: for a voicemail not meant for you
“fuck you, matty. that was the dumbest fucking bet ever and i’m never ever doing a bet with you ever again. she’s gonna give me so much fucking shit for this now. you’re so fucking stupid, matty. i cannot believe how fucking stupid you are. i mean rock-hard stupid. hydrated-rock-hard stupid. stupid, so fucking stupid it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole fucking different dimension of stupid. stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the fucking neutrons have collapsed. you emit more stupid in one second than our entire fucking galaxy emits in a year. nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. perhaps this is some fucking primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. some pure fucking essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the fucking laws of physics that we know. dumbass.”
