#(and yeah

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Making rash decisions based on feeling alone was both a blessing and a curse.

Your infamous impulsivity ranged from complimenting a stranger’s clothes on the street to purchasing a 2-year lease for an apartment without ever seeing it in person. Thankfully, the latter issue worked out just fine; this time, anyway. Your current place wasn’t perfect, but far from a hovel. Still, this headlong lifestyle attracted trouble like a magnet dropped in a bucket of nails. It affected both your work life and personal life in ways that haunted you to this day.

Second-hand embarrassment, especially from your own memories, was no joke.

Yet nothing, not even the odd encounter you JUST had with a green clown who introduced himself ‘The Harlequin’ this morning, could stop your smile.

All because, as of yesterday, your spontaneity actually helped to make a new friend.

Or at least you hoped it did.

Bullies took up a decent chunk of your childhood, especially since you couldn’t keep your mouth shut. The idea of picking on someone for their looks or speech or whatever else, filled you with an old rage. All the memories of past tormentors resurfaced the day you witnessed a man punching a defenseless circus performer in the street. All over wild accusations of kidnapping and paranoid rambling. Yeesh. What proof did this jerk even have that the circus had anything to do with the missing woman from the local news? You knew from experience that this bully just wanted someone to blame; taking these frustrations out on an unarmed civilian passing out flyers.

So naturally, without a second thought, you stepped in.

People who hesitated made little sense to someone with your reckless mindset. Only those who took action were able to get things done. So, like how you often did things without thinking, you intervened. And strangely enough, that worked out too! A proud feeling swelled inside as you glared at the jerk pathetically dragging himself away from the scene.

Maybe it was okay to make rash decisions every now and again.

This was surely the proof, right?

Only good karma could come from this.

Immediately, you helped the poor (yet extremely tall) circus performer, whom you’d come to know later as The Pierrot, to his feet. After making sure he was ok, you even gave him one of the many bandages resting neatly in your workbag (a sad necessity due to your spontaneous nature). The slightly injured clown didn’t speak to you then, but instead communicated by nodding when asked if he was ok. However, things changed once you got a good look at the towering man up close.

Such an intricate costume was a sight to behold. Gold accents glistering in light that bounced off of the nearby shop windows and stone walls. Black stripes wrapping against the deep crimson of his hat, like tongues in a kiss. And was that….silver hair? Perhaps it was a wig, though the light strands looked so soft to you that they almost bled with the clouds in the sky (with which his great height seemingly reached). Above everything however, you couldn’t help but notice the golden eyes he had. What an unusual color!

Without thinking it through, as usual, you leaned toward him. Entranced while handing over the pink band aid from your bag. So spellbound that in your predictably rash yet innocent manner, you blurted out:

“Wow….you have the most beautiful, brightest eyes I’ve ever seen.”

You almost heard a choked (slightly muffled) gasp from the silent clown’s strained throat. Like dust clearing out of an old attic’s floorboards, he creaked as a response. Though it might’ve been literally anything else too. It was, after all, a busy street despite the earlier commotion. People and cars ran by the two of you in a hazy blur. Yet the clown’s face, while seemingly masked, did look a little taken aback with a now strained smile.

Oh no.

You hoped you hadn’t scared him off with your unprompted comment; a sadly common response in your life. Naturally, you apologized with a soft voice while blushing out of embarrassment. Both of you, red as the deep crimson of the clown’s silken suit, stood awkwardly in the road for a moment too long. So long that a pill bug curled itself by your foot and rolled away before you had the chance to act.

Oh Well, a bleak thought brewed with an internal groan, there I go again. Being my ever-so-charming self. It’s a mystery I’m still single.

Much to your surprise, despite the awkwardness, you actually saw the silent stranger again later that night!

Finally, at your workplace, you ended up learning that the clown’s name, or at least his job title, was The Pierrot. And as a thank you for your kind gesture earlier, he gifted a free ticket to his show.

“I assure you I will make you smile during my performance,” his wide mouth stretched to the corners of his reddening face.

“Can’t wait to see you there, Bright Eyes!”

Your grin grew remembering how deeply The Pierrot blushed at the nickname given to him as you wiped the counters of dust before this morning’s shift began. At first you were mortified that you just called this random guy ‘Bright Eyes’ out of nowhere! It was rude to give someone a name like that without their permission, wasn’t it? Luckily, after apologizing profusely on your part, Pierrot assured you that he was ok with it. Really ok with it.

Yesterday held a pleasant memory that continued to carry you even after this busy and rather bizarre morning with The Harlequin.

It didn’t help that soon after you heard about your own co-worker’s sudden and mysterious exit. Carol, a woman you used to worked with, hadn’t told anyone she was going away. Running out of town without any notice; leaving you and your understaffed boss to pick up the slack at the café.

Admittedly, this brand-new day was starting to feel like, well, a lot already. Even for someone as up-beat as you, it made your bright morning quickly turn overcast. Not completely cloudy, but enough to make you cautious of whatever else was to come. Thankfully, the chill of the door opening behind you helped bring things back into perspective.

With your back to the door, you took a breath for a second, vowing that today would be good.

Today would be productive.

And today, you would keep your loose lips shut!

As the bells of the entryway rang, you turned from behind the counter, ready to greet the first few customers of the day with your best retail smile.

“Good morning! Ah!”

Sun glowed like a halo behind the crimson clown as he strolled inside. A wintery breeze from behind wafted in, caressing your bare arms. The action causing goosebumps to form. Despite this, your shivering from the brisk weather seemed to spur your new friend closer towards you.

“It’s you again! Want something to drink, Pierrot?” you asked with a friendly grin.

Seeing the crimson clown in one piece sent a wave of relief through you. Something about how earlier The Harlequin’s toothy grin as Pierrot gripped the green ticket you almost (impulsively) took from his rival seemed a little too real to be a street show. Still, the blushing face Pierrot sported now was enough to reassure that everything seemed to be ok.

Though his odd choice of drink seemed to indicate otherwise, “Alright, have a seat Bright Eyes and sit tight! I’ll bring it to your table.”

For a moment it seemed as though his golden orbs glowed as his new nickname flew out from your lips. Though it was light outside this winter morning so maybe it was just a sun spot? Who knows, right? You shrugged it off and turned away from your new friend with a short wave; sitting with his usual quiet grin. Before you could start on Pierrot’s order, your boss stopped you. Cautiously, the café owner didn’t want any circus performers to linger in his café without paying nor handing out flyers inside. Quickly, you alleviated his fears with a smile saying that your new friend had in fact ordered a drink and wouldn’t solicit any customers.

With that done, your boss went to check on inventory in the back room as you turned around to abruptly face---

“Whoa!” a gasp fell out. “You scared me!”

Pierrot suddenly appeared leaning towards you over the counter. He was so close you started to wonder what on earth he wanted at this proximity.

“Pierrot?” you took in a sharp breath as he firmly grabbed your bicep; clawed fingers tracing over the muscle beneath your cotton shirt. The feeling of those sharp nails against your arm was enough to make you nervous, though you weren’t sure at first in which way.

“I was just going to get your shake,” a reasonable excuse to leave despite the nervousness in your voice.

Still, Pierrot only leaned more-so over the counter. His strong grip begging your body closer to him. Since when were his hands so big?, You wondered to yourself. Bright yellow eyes once more on yours like lures; such a beautiful color that seemed too perfect to be real. Surely the performers were all using contacts, yet the gold suited The Pierrot; now more than ever before. There was something predatory about the way he was looking at you just now. You felt yourself nearing the silent clown against your will, his demeanor making you a bit disoriented. No one, not even your best relationships had someone look at you with such….

…Hunger?  

The cat-like slits of his eyes indicated as such.

A chill you hadn’t felt since your high school sweetheart danced with you at prom, traveled down the arm trapped in Pierrot’s firm grip.

Eyes widening upon realizing why the silent clown was acting this way. After all, there was only one reason a person leaned in so close to another, wasn’t it? Surely just one reason and no other. Your face reddened as his mouth parted, confirming your theory. Strangely enough, it was still hard to tell, even at this proximity, if he was wearing a mask or not. Though, to be fair, you were too mesmerized by his bewitching manner to pay attention to such details. Pierrot’s movements, now so close that his breathe was hot against your cheek, compelled you to act swiftly. To respond to his obvious want.

There was no going back now.

Perhaps The Pierrot began to whisper something before you did what you did, but it hardly mattered.

Nothing else mattered anymore.

His lips were harder than expected, still they did mold against yours like a kiss should. He was warm, very warm. Almost as though Pierrot’s entire body was burning the longer you continued it. In your mind, this was what he wanted so why not give it to him? It’s just the logical thing to do when someone leans in so close, right? The clown was sweet, and it’s certainly not the first time your impromptu nature kissed someone cute out of nowhere. Sure, these types of actions got you into trouble like dating a DJ who cheated on you. Twice.

But how could you resist? He leaned in first after all.

With a secure feeling in your soul of souls that this was the right call, you grinned cheekily while parting from him.

“So….Liked it?”

Then your heart sank.

There, with your arm still in his now slackened grip was The Pierrot with a completely shocked and blank expression. Eyes wide, pupils small as beads, and mouth for once turned downward in an open frown. The shock of seeing such an unusual expression on your always smiling new friend suddenly made you panic.

Did you break him?

“Pierrot? Hello?” you chuckled nervously, using your spare arm to wave in front of his empty face, blushing harder than ever before.

Oh Yeah, you broke him.

Pierrot.exe definitely crashed on your countertop.

Crap. Did you misread his intentions? Did you mess up again? Why did you always do things like this? Fear consumed everything as you bit your lip. Your mind replaying over and over again what the silent clown was doing right before leaning in; how you could’ve messed this all up. Surely, he was going in for a kiss, right? Or did he possibly want something else? You knew he couldn’t speak in public, so what was he doing? Wait……didn’t you hear him say something right before you planted one on him? Ugh, what was it!? Sweat started to gather in the back of your neck. Maybe you ruined this, whatever it was the two of you had, before it even began.

Wouldn’t’ve been the first time.

“Well, uh,” Pierrot’s hands now trembling and open, letting you slip out of the clawed grip. Slowly as not to freak him out any further.

“I’ll just go get your drink.”

Stupid, stupid, stupid, you groaned internally while trying to hold a glass for his milkshake in your now sweaty hands. What does he think of me now?

What indeed.

Was all of this another dream? Oh how cruel it’d be if so. What more proof did Pierrot’s kind need that they weren’t favored by the light, if all of this turned out to be yet another hallucination of his gradually fracturing mind.

In spite of that, the burning on Pierrot’s lips and the shuddering of your shoulders as you wobbled towards the soft serve machine was proof enough. A lithe tongue peaked out just a hint from behind his large pointed teeth. Licking his lips slowly, languidly over the contours of the mask. How he savored the sweet taste left behind. Delicou---wonderful, like ambrosia mixed with torn flesh. Pierrot’s eyes dilated at the sensation while taking a deep breath, daring to capture even a hint of your scent.

That. DID. Just. Happen.

You…..wanted him?

You loved him?

It was so soon. Far too soon. Though the quickened pace of his heart stopped The Pierrot from second-guessing this blessing any further. What did it matter that it didn’t make any sense? The fact was---you loved him. Didn’t you? Why would you do that otherwise? Or was he assuming things? Misunderstanding again? Never in his wildest fantasies did the crimson clown’s mind dare to think he could have you NOW. Right now. Surely that is what you meant by all this? You were giving him permission to take you, right? By giving him this gift, you opened yourself fully to his love with a warm and waiting embrace.

Oh yes….the gift of your lips.

Softer than the petals of the bloodied paper flower he gave you just one day prior.

Had it really been that long ago? Could he have had you sooner?

How long did you feel this way? Why couldn’t you have given him a sign?

If only he’d known!

The clown’s arm was still trembling, elbow standing up on the counter and clawed hand reaching out towards you. Yearning to hold his true love again. Your figure blurred as Pierrot’s golden pupils struggled to focus amid the storm in his mind. Though it wasn’t until after clutching his claws in and out a few times that the clown realized you weren’t actually near. The warmth you exuded on his mouth and hand still stayed with him like a brand of molten iron on his skin.

No.

Why were you gone? Why weren’t you here still in his hold?

He needed more.

He had to have more.

It wasn’t enough, it wasn’t fair.

He wasn’t prepared for this.

If only he’d known your true feelings sooner, then he would have never let you go that quickly. He would’ve held you tighter, yes, that would have done it. Tighter and forever. Kept you closer, made it all last longer. Even a single second more would’ve sated him for days to come.

Finally, Pierrot stood up from his chair.

For some reason making this milkshake was taking longer than normal. No, actually, you knew exactly why. You needed to stall for time, BADLY. How were you going to fix this awkward situation? Did you just assault a clown? How do you even begin to apologize for that? Would you ever be able to show your face to him again? Why wouldn’t he just say something already?

The latter, obvious, question you would’ve remembered the answer to if your anxiety-ridden brain allowed it. For now, everything just felt like a hodgepodge of bad decisions and assumptions swirling like the ice cream in Pierrot’s half-filled glass.

Even so, there was a part of you that didn’t hate what happened.

While you weren’t exactly looking to get into another relationship at the moment, it wasn’t an unwelcome prospect. After all, it’s not like getting involved with a circus performer, who’d probably just leave in a month or two at the latest, was the worst decision you ever made?

Even if you both had stayed only friends, it wouldn’t have lasted anyway.

Ah. Right….

That last thought somehow filled you with a little more sadness than expected.

Not that there was any time to linger on such things as a loud slam broke through the silence of the empty café. Your shoulders hiked up in alarm as you found yourself trapped between The Pierrot’s quivering, large arms. Or at least you thought it was Pierrot. In front of you was a man with a feral sort of grin, one you’d only seen on tigers in nature books. A curved, crooked sort of smirk was drawn on his mask. Clawed hands on either side of your head gripped the soft serve machine tight enough that you worried for a fleeting moment if he’d leave imprints on the hard plastic. Except, despite this completely new expression from the silent clown, Pierrot managed to keep a proper distance. Trapping you, yes, but far enough away to allow some breathing room, unlike before.

After looking around the café for a moment to make sure the two of you were still alone, the clown managed to utter out a sentence in a raspy, deep and almost nervous tone.

“M-May…..May I have another?”

A moment passed you both by, stilling time before an answer was found. Involuntarily you backed a little into the machine behind you, unsure of what to make of all this. You hadn’t even heard him approach. Not to mention, how did he get over here so quickly? Did he jump over the counter or something? Well, he was from the circus after all, maybe he was an acrobat too? Or a ninja? A clown ninja?

Your malfunctioning brain managed only to mutter a quiet reply with one corner of your mouth tiling upward nervously:

“Another….shake?”

It was ridiculous to ask. Granted, not the worst answer you’ve ever given (no, that prize belonged in the essay portion of your college exams), but definitely up there. Regardless, The Pierrot’s eyes opened a millimeter wider as you spoke. Pupils growing into larger sharp ovals, as he strained to shake his head at the innocent question.

Oh.

Oh ok.

Words finally failed you.

A trait your companion knew all too well, waiting patiently with the same acute expression as before (though you could’ve sworn there was some drool forming on the side of his lower lip).

“Another, huh?” Now you were blushing even more than he was. “Another what?”

You knew. Or at least…

No. Not this time. You needed to be sure, to not misunderstand, to not assume. All the same, your impulse caused you to reach forward with both hands, fingers brushing against the side of his supposedly masked face. The action caused Pierrot’s eyes to shine even brighter than the florescent lamps above. This time, you were the one leaning forward, whispering.

“Another……?” your thumb brushes against his lip.

A loud gulp could be heard as the silent clown seemed to melt under your touch.

Oh wow, you thought excitedly.

 With that, your entire body lit up. Things were starting to click for once in your scrambled gray matter. You realized this wasn’t the first time he silently begged for you like this. Even from the beginning those brightest of eyes spoke a language all on their own. All of The Freak Circus performers were intimidating, scary even, as was their brand, but this one? This tall, toothy, clown with eyes like pools of lava was now putty in your literal hands.

Moving one finger over his cheek caused Pierrot to shudder, leaning closer made him breath harder. The power, the control. It intoxicated you and it was always there. Never before did it feel like you actually had someone’s life in your hands. It was terrifying, wrong even. No one should have this control over someone else, logically speaking, yet you couldn’t help but drink it all in one gulp. What the hell did that say about you?

Perhaps there was no misunderstanding earlier after all.

Maybe he did want this from the beginning, but you had to be completely sure.

“Ok….Tell me, Bright Eyes,” you whispered with a daring, hungry look of your own. “What do you want from me?”

A trick of the light, it must’ve been, as it seemed like his pupils formed golden hearts. Leaning forward, he carefully and hotly whispered his reply before a horrid chime rang through both of your ears like the shot of a pistol.

“Mommy, look! A clown!”

You nearly squeaked, ducking under the tall, now rigid red figure before you to greet the small crowd of customers who began to pour in. With a flushed face and sweaty brow you still managed to use your oh-so-reliable spontaneity to your advantage. Some customers, as you seated them, even asked if the café was in any way associated with the circus after seeing Pierrot behind the counter. Questions that made you hastily correct them before returning to The Pierrot’s unreadable form. Said clown stood still as a statue in the same spot as you left him, clutching the soft serve machine with a quiet anger.

It was kind of funny really. All of this. Funnier though if you hadn’t been so distracted, nearly getting caught fraternizing with a complete, yet alluring, stranger. You almost reached out towards the seemingly disappointed (shell shocked?) performer, until without warning he stood up straight. The gesture was so quick you almost felt a breeze from the graceful movement. Pierrot’s usual cryptic smile returning as he walked back with what seemed to be a slight strain in his step, to the other side of the counter.

Well, that was quick.

You smiled and even laughed at the act. He was so intense one moment and awkward the next that it was endearing. This whole thing….whatever it was…whatever was happening…it was so bizarre that you just had to laugh it out. What a day!

“Thanks, Pierrot,” you wiped a tear from your eye with a genuine smile beaming at him. “I needed that.”

Finally, The Pierrot began to resemble his usual self. Less rigid with a relaxing gaze, reddened face, and softer expression as your joy permeated so freely around him. Only him.

It was a nice moment while it lasted.

Unfortunately, one of the women seated yelled at the two of you from her table, breaking-up the sweet moment. She ended up accusing you of not only being lazy but also of spending more time goofing off with your ‘friend’ instead of working. For a moment a look of fear flashed over your face as you hoped she wouldn’t go telling your boss. You needed this job. Immediately, you apologized and began to hastily get back to work. Never seeing how Pierrot observed your frantic behavior with some worry. Nor how he eventually turned to look at the rude woman with a different sort of hunger. A hunger that the clown wouldn’t dare show you if he could help it.

“Uh here you go…..sir?” the last bit felt strange on your tongue after everything that happened. “Finally….your milkshake.”

Pierrot in his usual sweet way paid for his drink with an additional chocolate bar as a tip. It was such a cute thing to do that you couldn’t help but chuckle again, thanking him for his kindness. Sadly, even after getting the rude woman her coffee, she still didn’t seem satisfied and left in a huff under the clown’s piercing gaze. Relief washed over the whole café as she walked out. Then, the day was over. Pierrot, now close to the entryway, started to wave a goodbye.

Though before he left, something rang in your ears besides the bells of the door. It was the word he whispered before you two were interrupted, the answer to your question.

What did he want from you?

Everything.

“Oh wait! Pierrot,” you yelled while waving back from the counter.

The clown stopped for a moment, halfway outside, and smiled. His eyes once more on you and you alone.

“I’ll uh, see you tonight, yeah?” you gulped, looking away from him with a shyness not befitting what was coming next. “And….if you want…we could continue where we left off….later.”

He nearly went into cardiac arrest.

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A/N: An alternate ending where Pierrot DID go into cardiac arrest and Harlequin has to drag him out before paramedics arrive can be found here XD:

So special thanks again to @local-shrub for both beta reading this fic and for letting me use their MC!!

To clarify, this alllll started as an ask @nekoboydreams answered regarding how Pierrot would react if the MC just straight-up kissed him when he visits the cafe for the second time. It was so funny, the reaction i mean, that I drew this comic of it XD. Then, I realized I realllllllly wanted to write this all out as a fic and local-shrub kindly offered some advice on how they envisioned their very impulsive MC!!

It was a fun challenge trying to balance an MC who just DOES things randomly and is somewhat embarrassed by this behavior.