#|memes|

Agarwaenor + Gilrin + Bellegur

The regina george

Someone hurts you or pisses you off, and you don't do anything. at first. but you hold that feeling of rage in your chest for weeks after the fact, acting nice but silently hating their guts, pretending like all is forgiven until you can ruin their life and hurt them the way they hurt you. it's calculated.

but when you've executed your revenge, will you be satisfied?

Rhowën

Men, raise the drawbridge

When you're angry, all your defenses go up. the unfortunate person or thing that managed to piss you off is suddenly talking to a wall. On the inside, you're screaming and crying and cussing them out, but somehow you can't express it. you're blank. emotionless. to anyone's knowledge, you could be zoning out of a lecture. because of this, it's hard to express how you're feeling when the person asks for your thoughts.

you've choked your feelings down, and they won't come back up.

Braigon

Open the floodgates

Your frustration turns into tears quickly. the strength of your fury is so potent that it sets off the waterworks out of pure rage. you hate it, because whoever's pissed you off thinks it's funny, like you're not tough and you can't defend yourself. you can, you just need to get through the haze of emotions first.

Thannor + thanneth

Step back

Usually, you're able to bottle up your emotions and ignore the frustrations. but, after weeks of shoving everything down, your body needs a release, and i pity the poor person who managed to piss you off. it's screaming crying, shouting, kicking lockers, whatever you can do to get it out of your system.

Bellegur, your attractiveness is 78 those royal elven genetics give you a head start. Watch out the orcs though!

“ I... What the fuck did I just hear? “

Braigon, your attractiveness is 81 aren’t you one ripped, sexy bear grampa. Shame you’re taken, or ladies would come your way no doubt.

“ I am fine with my second wife, thank your very much. “

Rhowën, your attractiveness is 99 everybody likes a well, shaped himbo. What isn’t there to love?

“ Oi, I know I can be dumb, no need to tell the whole world. “

Agarwaenor, your attractiveness is 17 Sorry, too much a zeus, buddy. Keep that horniness internal boy, keep it in your pants too!

“ I’ll take that as a compliment. “

WTF

Gilrin, your attractiveness is 59 despite being a war goddess, your teacher status has cut your score away, sorry lady, you’re average.

“ You’re just cowards. “

Thanneth, your attractiveness is 68  racism takes away your pretty, gal, learn to relax and be more open minded.

“ I shall be an asshole as much as I want, and hey, I am not wrong! “

Thannor, your attractiveness is 34 Sorry, ur an ugly expensive bastard.

1. What  is  your  name ? Agarwaenor, or Agar, for short.

2. What  is  your  real  name ? ............That... that is my name?

3. Do  you  know  why  you  were  called  that ?    roughly translated it means something about being stained with blood, or such defining a good portion of my being, and I agree.

4.  Are  you  single  or  taken ? No girl or guy or someone for me, I guess, better that way. You don’t want a wreck like me as a lover.

5.  Have  any  abilities  or  powers ? Space-time and energy magics are what my magic inclines more towards, but I can cast many spells really, as long as my magic doesn’t decide they aren’t the best spells for me.

6. Stop  being  a  Mary Sue.  Bitch, if I could I would, I want the sweet embrace of death and oblivion, but everything in me and around me doesn’t.

7. What’s  your  eye  color ? Red as blood that has been just spilled, red as a sword’s wound and as my soul.

8. How  about  your  hair  color ? Some brown tone, I don’t really care the exact color.

9. Have  you  any  family  members ? Three, with a fourth on the way. most look older than I do, might die before I do.

10. Oh ? What  about  pets ? Twelve wolf dogs trained by dad and myself, three wolves that chose to tag along, and a massive black stag I use sometimes to travel, his name is Morn, it adopted Belle’s stag as a brother too... ironic, I’d say.

12.  Do  you  have  any  hobbies / activities  you  like  doing ? Hunting is my favorite, learning to cook and bake sweet foods is another, exploring the forest... hoarding a few items of interest, pestering people with pranks, disrrespecting the local authorities are among some.

13. Ever  hurt  anyone  before ? Blood stained one would be a good way to describe me.

14. Ever …. killed  anyone  before ? Yes.

15. What  kind  of  animal  are  you ?  Dad and mom calm me their little dragonling mage, as a reasuring thing most people call me demeaningly, some call me demon, some a monster, but I am just another HUMAN MAGE, you know?

16. Name  your  worst  habits.  Too many, I’d say... too many to keep myself holding to what sanity’s remains are left.

18. Gay,  straight,  or  bisexual ?  .....Whatever wants to fuck me that isn’t some low-intelligent animal? I don’t really care, if I can put my dick there or have some form of sexual pleasure that is consentual I am doing that... unless they have ulterior motives.

19. Do  you  go  to  school?  Used to, I am a full high mage, and a young member of the council, I do try to go back the academy to... better get a grip on my magic, like Gil does. It is kind of hard to do so with my job, however.

20. Do  you  ever  want  to  marry  and  have  kids  one  day ? I... I don’t know? I should right? I am the firstborn son... I will get da-... father’s tittle as lord of the village, I should have a heir sometime soon... and yet...

21. Do  you  have  any  fanboys / fangirls ? I stopped caring about that, other than to get a few fucks at night... sounds crude and rude, but... I don’t think I can handle the spotlight.

22. What  are  you  most  afraid  of ? Snapping... I hardly have anything holding me together, or giving me a reason to keep these lies going.

23.  What  do  you  usually  wear ? I used to wear some commoner clothes under a poncho my grandmother did for me... the council forbid me from using it. Now I just use high mage robes, or my personal formal clothings for the council, whenever I am called for a formal meeting or event.

24. Do  you  love  someone ? Wish I could... perhaps I would find more purpose and reasons to stay determined if I did... but I don’t... I am just tired.

25. When  was  the  last  time  you  wet  yourself ? back when I was recovering from some wounds as a teen, my body was weak, and some idiots decided to take the opportunity to try shit. Thanneth was there that time... guys needed an expert healer after she was done with them.

26. Well,  it’s  not   over  yet!  It never is.

27. What  class  are  you ? ??? I... we could say I multi-task, but the main role I have for now is... overseer of business affairs?

28. How  many  friends  do  you  have ? Not as many I could or would wish to honestly call friends.

29. What  are  your  thoughts  on  pie ? if it is sweet? I will hoard it.

30. Favorite drink? anything that can get me drunk and forget myself...

31. What’s  your  favorite  place ? the forests... they can be quiet... they are timeless, you enter there and time is not felt, you enter there and you don’t feel out of place.

32. Are  you  interested  in  someone ? Were it so easy....

33. Would  you  rather  swim  in  the  lake   or  the  ocean?  it matters not which for me, so long as no one annoyes me... or the enviorment itself. Water is allways welcome in life, and vital for it to thrive.

34. What’s  your  type ? If they can beat my ass and have the charms, I am in.

bold what applies to your muse,   italics what applies situationally or only in certain verses.         rest of the fears here.     this is based on a horror podcast;       potentially triggering and / or upsetting content ahead!

viii. THE HUNT.        sharp canines. sore calves after a run. the scent of blood. an adventure for the journey’s sake. the adrenaline right before the kill. a whistle’s echo.  the woods. the doe eyes of a prey animal. your own breath in the air. sharpened claws. being tracked. fear of someone knowing your every movement. hunting down monsters.  hide and seek.  running away only to end up where you started. staying alive purely because the enemy enjoys seeing you run. a set of footsteps behind you. blood dripping from bare hands. barks and growls. focused eyes.  a victim going limp under your hands. a mouth full of fresh blood. catching the scent of something monstrous.  perfecting your craft. peering into the dark and running after it.

ix.  THE LONELY.        an apartment too small for a double bed.  completely vacant streets. waking up to see everyone gone.  fog.  point nemo.  a house too big to hear your family members in. alone in a faceless crowd. a mask with nothing behind it. separated cubicles.  a deafening silence where joy should be. a blinding spotlight. the least missed in your friend group. streets without lights in the windows. isolation. not truly knowing your friends. your friends not truly knowing you. need for silence. fear of crowds. staring into space knowing nothing is looking back at you. a ship alone at sea. depression. knowing your friends are better off without you. talking to someone only to realize they’re gone.  a family too large to notice you there.  safety in being alone.

x. THE SLAUGHTER.      a game of tag.   senseless violence. a true crime hobby. improvised weapons. blinding rage. intent to kill. a horrific day in a quiet community. a medal of bravery. holding on to what validates your anger. history books that spare no details.  an injury you want revenge for. war. counting kills. songs of soldiers.  a knife-block on the counter. a pool of blood. shellshock. unspeakable horrors. anger pushing you forward.  unimaginable pain.  not seeing who will hurt you but knowing the pain is coming.  a fully human monster. an authority sending its lessers to their deaths. kill or be killed. unedited wartime memoirs.  a weapons collection. not knowing the names of who you kill. too many to remember.  loss of hope. there’s no heroes in war.

xi.  THE SPIRAL.      sleep deprivation. corridors you can get lost in.  maze puzzles that loop back on themselves. losing possessions. losing people. losing your sanity. corkscrew curls.  rows of funhouse mirrors.  optical illusions. a separate reality. walking through the wrong door. delusions. not knowing what your hands are doing. blank spaces in documents. hallucinations.  wrong proportions.  a nameless thing. a place that has never existed. doubting your own mind. blind faith.  losing track of names, labels, categories.  distorted sound. an imperfection in a glass that twists the view. loss of time. a garish color. doors that open to nowhere. lies. an unnatural laugh. jokes and tricks. illusions. a doorway. a sculptor with a wild imagination.  limbs in impossible angles.  doing what’s fun, not what’s sensible. fractals you can get lost in.

xii. THE STRANGER.        wax figures. a close approximation of a human face. a borrowed appearance. a strange smell. glass eyes.  furs and pelts.  a dance. a song of a choir. the uncanny valley. stitching yourself together. the colors of a circus.  a puppet with no strings. mannequins. glitter and sequin.  a stranger you’ve always known. someone strange in the place of someone you knew.  stolen identities.  stolen skins.  a machine imitating humanity.  the anonymity of a service worker. hiding in plain sight.  uncomfortable to look at. a faked accent. concealing. forgetting who you are.  forgetting who others are.  a replacement no one notices.  images that look posed.  the only one seeing the false face of someone.

xiii.  THE VAST.      open spaces. carnival rides going up and down. fear of heights.  endless infinity around you.  your insignificance in an universe. stomach turning at a drop. fear of not the crash down but the moment you slip. the sway of a cable car. an adventure holiday. losing track of where the surface is.  miles and miles of nothing around you.  staring at the sky and feeling like you may fall into it. loss of control.  a fall that doesn’t end in death.  glass floor to the view below.  terminal velocity. the sound of wind in your ears. a reach over the railing. a jump from the top of the building. falling into nothing. feeling your feet let go of the ground. a leap of faith. motion sickness.

xiv.  THE WEB.      undecipherable code. a puppeteer holding the strings. power over the weak-willed. strings of fate. manipulation. an arranged accident.  a hundred minions doing your bidding. cobwebs. spiders. a laid trap. never voicing discomfort. outwitting a cheater. doing things without realizing it. red string across a cork board.  finding something lost where you were sure you checked. power over the unreliability of chance.  watching others dance for you. an entangled death.  a thousand tiny legs and fangs.  shady forum threads. something important gone missing. suspiciously disregarded case. a missing witness.  connections.  the world wide web. power of victimhood. gullibility. no control over your own decisions. an invisible leash.  mass psychology.  a horror film in the making. scapegoat.  never remembering to ask for a name.

+  THE EXTINCTION.     the end of an era. apocalypse movies. the alarms of warning systems. a desolate landscape.  end of the world cults. nihilism.  the last written history. a changed world. no survivors. old prophecies.  a thousand predicted ends. a new chapter. an end with no escape. catastrophes. a calendar counting down.  breaking point. overindulgence.

tagged by: I stole it

redemption arc

your story had a pretty rough start and you did some things you're not proud of, but you made the choice to change. i won't go through how important it is to accept responsibility and keep striving to improve or whatever because you know that already. what i think you should know is that your fuel does not need to be shame. you don’t need to stand over the bathroom sink with your blood in your hands until you can no longer make out your reflection. you will look at your face and you will see the person you used to be, but that person no longer exists. today, you are looking, and that makes all the difference.

Tagged: nah, I stole it

Tell me a headcanon you have for my muse.

Yup, right on spot...

He hardly enjoys himself... and even then most joys at this point feel hollow, unsatisfying and thoroughly frustrating.

He’s got to make sure the next king, his actual, younger brother is ready for it. His father had him get some lessons, but nowhere near the lessons needed before his mentors died from age, and he himself got killed by bellegur after the mage king began slaugthering indiscriminately in the battlefield. And that takes time, time he cannot afford to lose. Not when there is so much to do and time that doesn’t even is enough to do half of it.

On top of it his condition hardly makes it easy. His magic makes most activities he enjoyed into agonic experiences, as his body continuously is burnt and healed by his magic. And when his mind doesn’t fails him, he is too self concious to ever leave the castle and do some, in a very negative way.  Not like he would enjoy it for long... he would ALLWAYS have guards and at least three mages hounding around making sure to keep him in check, which both takes away the pleasure or the efficiency of these little things. He honestly only does them when he is unable to calm down by other means...

Eventually though, this is not enough, and only violence seems to please and and ease his mind.