#|| ouch

you swallow pain & fold around it                                you   have   always   hurt  .   you   hold   it   carefully  ,   and   twisted   in   such   a   way   that   other   people   don't   have   to   see   it  .   you   don't   choke   on   it  .   you   don't   drown  .   you   just   have   it  ,   the   way   some   people   have   freckles  ,   this   is   a   thing   that   lives   in   your   bones  .   you   fold   instead   of   fighting   because   you   know   how   to   make   yourself   small ,   tuck   away   the   places   where   they   have   clawed   at  ,   swallow   the   bruises   so   you   seem   clean  .   nobody   needs   to   see   it  .   you  will   live   through   this   on   your   own  .   you   know   what   you   need  ,   and   relief   isn't   it  .   this   doesn't   mean   you   cannot   reach   out   -   it  means   it   is   not   in   your   nature   to   do   so  .   you   should  .   hiding   does   not   mean   you   won't   be   seen  .

frightened, alone.

angst & post-angst sentences. 

Roy’s eyes grew wide with shock and clear disbelief. what was this he was hearing, specifically from her? it made no sense to him. how could she think she wasn’t good? she was better than him. stronger. surer. able to carry burdens that he knew he would crumble beneath had their roles been reversed. everyone thought that he was the great flame alchemist who could do such marvellous things. in part, all that was true but it was only so because of her support. without her there, he would be lost. she was his strength just as much as she was his diligence.

 he narrowed his eyes dangerously at that phrase that was uttered at him. it wasn’t that he was angry at her, more at the situation that had led her to belief that she wasn’t. so many hardships. such unavoidable trauma. it changed them. damaged them both into becoming people who harboured their demons and sometimes gave in to them too. 

he closed his eyes, avoiding the way she defiantly stared back at him. exhaled loudly and opened them once again, his gaze not as harsh as earlier. much more softer. almost pleading. ‘ that’s not true, Haw- ‘ he wasn’t going to say her sir name, not now when she was this way. it linked her to someone who had caused her such great grief. 

@moonbladed from here.

As soon as Isshin told her she could come to see him, she was right by his side, for days. Waiting patiently for him to wake up, she was ready to tell him all he had missed, and how she was going to make sure everything was okay,.

Reluctantly, Isshin wouldn’t let her take him back to the Gotei 13, knowing he would have better treatment there, she didn’t argue with him, and he did the best he could, he was alive after all. For 4 days she watched people come in and out, bearing cards and flowers, all his friends came by, making sure she was alright as well, but she didn’t have the heart to leave his side. Renji and Nii-sama even made a visit, but of course leaving her some overdue paperwork to work on well, telling her Ukitake-taicho wasn’t doing so well himself.

Rukia kept in mind that Isshin said this morning that there was a chance he could wake soon, and she sat there and watched like a hawk, and went running to Yuzu when he started moving and opening his eyes, Isshin rushed in making sure everything was right.

Close to tears, Rukia went to his side once Isshin left and looked at him. His amber eyes that were once so golden were dull and tired, nothing left in them. Taking his hand into her smaller one, she could barely speak,

“Can you hear me?”

She watched closely for his reaction, watching him as he looked at her like he was searching for something.

And there was nothing but a whisper from him,

“Who are you?”

Her body went limp, the air from her lungs left, and her heart plummeted into her stomach. Her eyes searched his, his spiritual pressure was there, felt the same as it always had, yet something was wrong.

“Ichigo, it’s me, Rukia.”

She squeezed his hand, her eyes pooling with tears, she leaned over him a tad closer, even letting her spiritual pressure grow, hoping something might give him a jolt of memory, but she was lost to him.

The damn of tears she fought so hard to keep up, fell down her cheeks.

“What the fuck.”

Why is Sesuko Kaiba even calling him? He takes the phone away from his ear and grimaces. 

“I don’t know what made you think calling me was a good idea, but leave me the hell alone!”