Jungkook had left you and your now six-year-old son, Jae, alone. You still had hope that he’d turn up, despite the likely chance that he never would.

Everyone else in your life had given up after just six months; your friends, his friends, both of your families. You’d been so angry when people started encouraging you to move on.

How in the world could you even try?

You didn’t know why you hadn’t given up, you just knew that somehow, somewhere, he was still out there. Or maybe you’d just convinced yourself of that.

Either way, today was a day of grieving. You knew that. Your sister knew that. Even your son knew that.

Your sister had come to pick up Jae, knowing that you might have a hard time taking care of him; you had thanked her profusely.

It had taken you an hour to even get out of your bed, and when you did you were immediately overtaken by unfortunate nostalgia. You were usually able to ignore it, but not today.

The last time you’d ever spoken to him kept replaying in your mind; the sweet smile on his face accompanied with a soft ‘I love you’

Then his quick glance to your son before walking out the door.

Explaining to Jae had been a nightmare, more so than Jungkook’s actual disappearance. How were you supposed to tell your sweet baby boy that his father was missing and probably never coming back?

You had found a way to break the news, of course, you didn’t have a choice. Jae needed to know that his father had loved him up to the very end. Jungkook hadn’t left because he wanted to.

You had had to remind yourself of that a few times, the thought that he’d run away with another woman had flashed through your mind a few times. You always forced the thought of his face on that last morning to your mind, a man who didn’t love you would never look at you the way he did.

It was only natural to doubt, you supposed. Any alternative was better than him being dead.

You sighed. Would you even make it to the end of the day?

….

You took a deep breath and straightened out your shirt, Jae’s teacher had called you in for a meeting.

You knocked on the classroom door.

“Come in!” The teacher called; you walked in. “Ah, Mrs. Jeon, hello.” She smiled and gestured for you to sit.

“So,” you looked towards Jae who was sitting in a different corner of the room, playing with a toy. “What did you want to speak with me about?”

She sighed, folding her hands in her laps. “Jae’s been saying some… well, concerning things.”

You frowned. “He has? Like what?”

“Well,” the teacher cleared her throat, glancing at Jae. “He’s made a handful of comments about… how sad you are. He wants to spend his time drawing pictures for you instead of learning.”

Your face blanked for a moment, then: “Oh. Right, I’ll speak with him.”

The teacher stopped you before you could get up. “Are you okay, Mrs. Jeon?” She asked, though you had a feeling she didn’t care much how you felt; she was worried that you weren’t being a good mother.

“Well, losing my husband was hard-” You paused. “-but I’m getting by.”

You thanked her for her time and then rushed Jae out of the room.

When the both of you were seated in your car, you turned to Jae. “Jae, have you been drawing during your lessons?”

He pouted. “Yeah, but I was drawing for you mommy. I wanted to cheer you up.” He looked down at his feet. “I was gonna save up a bunch and then give them to you.”

You put your hand into the backseat, grabbing his hand. “Jae, sweetie, you don’t have to worry about mommy.”

He frowned. “But you’re always sad about daddy.”

“I know, honey, but it’s not your job to worry for me; okay?” You spoke softly.

He nodded and then smiled at you. “Alright! If you don’t want me to worry then I won’t!”

You smiled back at him. “Thanks, buddy.”

….

Work had been dull today; you’d just gotten off and we’re grabbing a coffee before picking up Jae.

It was normal at first, busy store, long lines, and delicious smelling coffee.

But then, you saw something- or rather someone. You could hardly believe your eyes.

Standing just a few feet away from you was Jungkook, alive and well. Your face paled and your breathing quickened.

You were staring intensely at him, you’d been worrying about him for two whole years and yet here he was- just casually standing around in your favourite coffee shop.

His eyes met yours finally; the look of unfamiliarity in his eyes was deeply unsettling. He didn’t look at you like he did two years ago, he hardly looked at you. He looked weirded out.

Now, you could’ve run up to him, yelled his name, anything; but something about the look he’d just given caused you to turn around and leave the shop, coffee be damned.

….

Jungkook furrowed his eyebrows. “Hey, uh,” he paused looking at Jin. “Did you see how that woman was staring at me?”

Jin shook his head. “No? What was she staring at you like?”

Jungkook tilted his head, the woman looked vaguely familiar but he couldn’t, for the life of him, figure out why. “Her eyes were wide, like she knew me or something.”

Jin hummed. “Do you think she was from your past life, you know before you got amnesia?”

Jungkook hoped to god she wasn’t, because that meant there were people out there who knew him, and that meant he had an obligation to those people; to find himself, or at the very least give them closure. “I hope not.”

Jin didn’t respond, their names had just been called by the barista. They both grabbed their coffee.

Jungkook was admittedly terrified of finding out what his life had previously been like; he was happy in his shared apartment with Jin.

Jin had been the first person he’d connected with after waking up. Jungkook hadn’t woken up in a hospital or anything, he’d actually woken up in the middle of a field. Which he thought was weird.

He couldn’t remember how or why he got there, hell, he couldn’t remember anything from before that moment.

Jin cleared his throat and spoke again, pulling Jungkook out of his thoughts. “I think it’s time you go to the cops, dude. I think you need to know who you used to be.”

Jungkook sighed in distaste. Jin continued. “I’m not saying go back to your old life, I’m just saying figure out what your old life was.”

Jungkook nodded, he knew Jin was right. “I suppose I have to.”

….

A couple days later, Jungkook found him standing in the lobby of the local police station, waiting until he could talk to somebody.

When the receptionist finally did call him up, he realized just how anxious he was.

“Hi.” He said breathily.

The woman smiled at him. “What can I do for you?”

He hesitated. A lot. “I’m a missing person… I think?” He sounded unsure even to himself.

The lady gave him a sympathetic look. “Alright, sweetie, what’s your name?” She poised her hands over her keyboard, ready to type his name.

“Jeon Jungkook.”

The lady typed his name into the system. “Oh my…” she looked like she had a moment of realization. “Oh, that poor girl.”

He furrowed his eyebrows. “What?”

“Oh dear,” she wrote down an address. “You might want to go see this woman.”

He took the paper she handed him. “Who is she?”

“She is your wife.” She said, looking very apprehensive.

He thanked the lady and walked out.

Great, he had a wife; that’s probably the woman he saw in the coffee shops. He felt guilty now, he’d spent a good year and a half wondering who he was but never acting upon it.

He ran a hand through his hair. “Fuck.”

He couldn’t decide if he should go home and wait till another day or if he should just go find you right now. At this point, he was almost too anxious to wait.

He wanted to know more.

….

He’d decided to go, so with a little confusion, he’d made his way to your house. He knocked on the door, hearing a few rustling noises from inside the door before it opened.

He was met with the face of the same woman from the coffee shop. He had wanted to say something but he didn’t get the chance as you had slipped a hand over your mouth and crumpled to the floor.

Then he heard a smaller voice coming from farther in the house. He froze. “Mommy?” The child sounded concerned, walking up to his mother.

Then the child looked at him. “Daddy?” The child stared at him wide-eyed for a full minute before jumping at Jungkook and clinging to him. “Daddy! You’re back! Now mommy won’t be sad anymore!”

You visibly cringed and gently pulled the kid away from Jungkook. “Jae, baby, it’s not that simple.” You pressed a kiss to the kid's forehead. “Go play in the living room, please.”

As soon as the child was out of sight you turned back to Jungkook.

“You’re back, Jungkook.” You smiled sadly. “Why didn’t you come back sooner? What in the world could’ve kept you away for two whole years?”

He was the one to cringe this time. “I couldn’t.” He paused. “I don’t know you, I hardly know myself.”

Your breath hitched. “What?” Your voice was quiet and you looked like you were about to cry again.

He sighed, feeling terrible that he’d come at all. “I have amnesia. So I don’t remember anything from before a year and a half ago.”

You squeezed your eyes shut. “Oh my god.” Before Jungkook knew what was happening, you were hugging him. “I’m so sorry.”

He didn’t respond, he just let you hug him. You pulled away after not long. “Fuck, I’m sorry Jungkook.”

The way you said his name made him feel something, it was a feeling he couldn’t quite grasp or even recognize but he knew it was there.

It’s like his memories were being held back by an iron door and they were desperately trying to escape.

He cleared his throat. “Um, can we talk? I want to know more.”

You nodded. “Yes, of course.”

…..

It had been a few weeks since Jungkook had shown up at your doorstep- and your already shattered heart was going through the wringer all over again.

It killed you how different he was from the man you married, how different and agonizingly the same he was.

You still saw that same man he used to be, all masked but someone you didn’t recognize. Someone distant and quiet. You hadn’t seen him smile yet.

God, you missed his smiles; you missed everything about him. These sad texts between the two of you seemed purely transactional.

You had to remind yourself that he’s wasn’t your Jungkook anymore; he wore his face and donned his voice but he still was not him.

Jae’s questions had been constant and you just didn’t have the energy to explain why ‘daddy’ wasn’t immediately moving back in and giving hugs to the both of you.

Could you even bring yourself to face Jungkook when the time came once again? Did you really think you could handle helping him get his memories back? Did it matter if you were ready? You were going to help him regardless of the toll it took on you, that much you knew; you loved him too much to spare yourself.

How had the one thing you’d been hoping for so long turned into something so stressful?

All you wanted was for Jungkook to get his memory back; you wanted him to hold you, to kiss you- just to treat you like his wife again.

Hopeless wishes whispered to an uncaring universe.

You wondered what his final trigger would be, or if he would have one at all. Even if he did regain his memories, would he be too different now? Would he even still love you? If he didn’t want you, what would you tell Jae? Could you handle losing him all over again? Could Jae?

Why did it always seem like there were too many questions? It was an endless cycle. But isn’t it always? There’s always something about life that you question endlessly. That you just can’t pry from your mind.

You laid there, wondering all this instead of sleeping. You knew you should, but you’d ask a million more questions before you could.

….

Jungkook had texted you early in the morning, he’d had a weird feeling that he should be near you. You had texted back, saying he could come over and that you were just making breakfast.

He couldn’t explain the feeling he was having but he got there as fast as he could. The feeling started to ease as he got closer to the door, and when you yelled for him to come in from behind it, the feeling subsided completely.

He walked through the entryway and into the living room, then he pivoted to the left into the kitchen. It was like muscle memory the way he walked through your house. He supposed that made sense.

Then his eyes landed on you, your hair was dishevelled and you were still wearing your Pyjamas. You looked like you had just woken up.

“Hey, y/n.” He said. He was about to say something else but a sharp pain shot through his head. He squeezed his eyes shut, tensing every muscle in his body.

You were by his side in an instant. “Jungkook?” He could hardly process your voice, there was so much going on in his head.

Along with the ear-splitting headache, his old memories were flashing through his head- it felt like time was going slowly, like each agonizing second lasted an hour. He didn’t know what he was doing, didn’t know if he was still standing, didn’t know if you were talking or if he was, he couldnt even identify if he was breathing anymore. All he knew was the pain in his head.

Then it eased, everything started to go back to normal, his perception. Except for one thing, he remembered everything now- well not everything, there was still one blank in his mind.

What happened between the moment he said goodbye to you and when he woke up in that field? He honestly hoped he wouldn’t remember.

He looked up at you. Your breath hitched.

“You remember, don’t you?” You asked quietly; you were kneeling on the ground next to him.

He nodded carefully, his head was still dully aching. “Yeah… how did you know?”

You bit your lip, tears gathering. “It was the way you looked at me. It changed.”

He chuckled breathily. “What do you mean by that?” He was still catching his breath from the headache.

“When you looked up at me, after your headache dulled? It was the same look you gave me right before you left that day.”

He took a deep breath and pulled you closer to him. “Was it?” He wanted to just sit on the floor with you in his arms for a minute, he wanted the delusion of safety for a moment, even just one.

You hummed in response. You seemed content to let him hold you.

Jungkook smiled to himself, softly. This was not a place he’d ever thought he’d end up. Sitting on the kitchen floor with wife after being apart for two years, recovering from mind-numbing pain while relishing in the feeling of having you back in his arms.

How long would this moment last?