#{c;ian}

『❆』 Mickey Milkovich

Ian was so fucking done. He couldn’t take it anymore. Being in that house every day, being bombarded by everything. He felt like he was going to explode. All he did was work and come home and work and come home and try and save Lip who was on a downward spiral and try and help Debbie who never fucking listened and now Monica was dead and Fiona was acting like it didn’t matter. And that was fair enough because Monica was never there for any of them. Except that wasn’t true. She left and that was shitty and she wasn’t redeemed in Ian’s eyes. She gave him shitty genes, and that was true.  But she was there when he was scared and running. She was there when he was locked away. She was there for him. She took care of him. Even if she was doing drugs and with a scum of a guy. She was there. She tried. That meant something to Ian. He was mad. Mad because Monica left, mad because she should have tried harder, mad because it was her fault he had this illness, mad because what the fuck was he supposed to do now? Who was going to understand? He was pissed off that she was dead. Pissed off that Fiona was talking so badly about her. Even if he was right. Ian just wanted a fucking mother. He just wanted her to change and to understand him and help him and now she never could because she was dead.

The whole time he had been thinking he didn’t even realize that he had been running. But now he wasn’t running. Now he stopped and he was transported back in time. Back to when he had floppy red messy hair atop his head. When he had a baby face covered in freckles. When he wore plaid shirts too big for him and saggy jeans. When he had ran here because he didn’t know what else to do or where to go and he just wanted to see Mickey. He remembered it was because Monica was back and he was terrified. Now she was gone and he was still terrified. There was the Milkovich house in all it’s glory. Standing empty. Or maybe it wasn’t. And it was stupid. But he’s up the steps and taking shaking breaths. He’s older now. His hair is only long on top and his skin isn’t covered in freckles because he grew out of them. He’s taller and filled out, but he still feels like that scared little boy. He knocks. But no one answers. No one comes out. Not Mickey. Not Mandy. Mandy who had been his best friend for so long. He feels so alone. More alone than he’s ever felt in years and he’s scared. He wants to go inside and find one of Mickey’s shirts and wrap himself up in it and cry but he can’t because he can’t bear it. 

Ian’s legs crumble and he ends up on the top step. His knees bent and on the first step downward. His bottom planted on the top step and his head bent and resting on his kneecaps. His arms wrapped around his knees, shaking. His hands are in fists so tight he’s shaking. Before he knows it a sob rips through him. It exits his mouth so loudly it scares him and before he knows it he’s crying. He’s crying so hard that snot is running out of his nose and he wipes it on his jeans. He cries until he can’t cry anymore. He wants to hit something. He wants to scream, because he should have went with him. He should have went with Mickey and he thought he was doing what was best for both of them and he hadn’t been.

Leaving Mickey scared him and he thought that meant it was the right thing to do and Fiona made him think that to be true and he had built a life and gotten stable. But he had been so wrong. Mickey kept him stable and right now he was anything but stable and he should have went. He stopped crying at some point, but he sat with his head in his knees. His tall body folded into a small ball of harsh breathing and rushing thoughts. He sat like that for hours. Leaning against the side of the house. He thought about Mandy a little, but mostly about Mickey. About everything they did together. All the times he laughed and waking up in each other’s arms. The more he thought about it the sicker he felt. He fucked up, bad. And now he was lost and he didn’t know what to do.

@milkovichsmickey closed starter!!

Have all the fluff <3 (Maybe some sort of AU where Mickey never went to jail?)

Ian was sitting on his couch, surprised none of his siblings were home yet. He hadn’t meant to bring the cat inside, but it had been so irresistibly adorable sitting on the step outside. One time Lip had a dog, he didn’t see how this was any different. Besides, he wanted to get out of here soon anyway, and he would need a roommate! Of course, he wanted Mickey to move in with him but he knew the other male could be moody sometimes and he didn’t exactly know how to ask him. He hears the door open and his ears perk up. He expected instant ridicule to start if it was one of his siblings, but green eyes meet blue and he grins proudly. Holding the cat up and petting it simultaneously he waits for the other to say something.

@milkovichsmickey

Ian had been with Monica for a little over a week off of any sort of medication, off of a normal diet, off of stability, off the RAILS. His phone had rung at first, every day, messages were left that he couldn’t bring himself to listen to. Not at first, days after he would play them and listen to the voice he would probably never HEAR again. Monica had made it very clear that Mickey wasn’t for him, that he would leave in the end just like everyone else would. He would want Ian to change, but this is who he was now. 

His legs were stiff from sitting on the ground outside of the trailer that he had finally arrived at with his lunatic of a mother. It was okay now, he was a LUNATIC too. He would never be the same as he once was, and this is who he was now. Content to sit against a dirty RV tire, so lost that he doesn’t notice the car pulling up to the lot. Eyes closing as his head turns up to the sky. The RV rocking steadily to the tune of Monica’s boyfriend’s thrusts. 

Ian was insane, so it only made sense that this is the life he should live. Monica was the only one not trying to cram medication down his throat, not trying to change him into something he didn’t know how to be. She had told him she was the only one who would care, the only one that wanted to love him how he was. He believed her. This is how it had to be. The redhead’s eyes stay closed, despite the sound of a car door closing. 

@mindlessnovamuses

Ian was so fucking done. He couldn’t take it anymore. Being in that house everyday, being bombarded by everything. He missed Trevor, but not in a romantic way. But because Trevor had been a friend too and he had gotten him out of his house. He felt like he was going to explode. All he did was work and come home and work and come home and try and save Lip who was on a downward spiral and try and help Debbie who never fucking listened and now Monica was dead and Fiona was acting like it didn’t matter. And that was fair enough because Monica was never there for any of them. Except that wasn’t true. She left and that was shitty and she wasn’t redeemed in Ian’s eyes. She gave him shitty genes, and that was true. But she cleaned up after them. She was there when he was scared and running. She was there when he was locked away. She was there for him. She took care of him. Even if she was doing drugs and with a scum of a guy. She was there. She tried. That meant something to Ian. He was mad. Mad because Monica left, mad because she should have tried harder, mad because it was her fault he had this illness, mad because what the fuck was he supposed to do now? Who was going to understand? He was pissed off that she was dead. Pissed off that Fiona was talking to badly of her. Even if she was right. He knew she was but Ian just wanted a fucking mother. He just wanted her to change and to understand him and help him and now she never could because she was dead.

The whole time he had been thinking he didn’t even realize that he had been running. But now he wasn’t running. Now he stopped and he was transported back in time. Back to when he had floppy red messy hair a top his head. When he had a baby face covered in freckles. When he wore plaid shirts too big for him and saggy jeans. When he had ran here because he didn’t know what else to do or where to go and he just wanted to see Mickey. He remembered it was because Monica was back and he was terrified. Now she was gone and he was still terrified. There was the Milkovich house in all it’s glory. Standing empty. Or maybe it wasn’t. And it was stupid. But he’s up the steps and taking shaking breaths. He’s older now. His hair is only long on top and his skin isn’t covered in freckles because he grew out of them. He’s taller and filled out, but he still feels like that scared little boy. He knocks. But no one answers. No one comes out. Not Mickey. Not Mandy. Mandy who had been his best friend for so long. He feels so alone. More alone than he’s ever felt in years and he’s scared. He wants to go inside and find one of Mickey’s shirts and wrap himself up in it and cry but he can’t because he can’t bear it.

His legs crumble and he ends up on the top step. His knees bent and on the first step down. His bottom planted on the top step and his head bent and resting on his knee caps. His arms wrapped around his knees, shaking. His hands are in fists so tight he’s shaking. Before he knows it a sob rips through him. It exits his mouth so loudly it scares him and before he knows it he’s crying. He’s crying so hard that snot is running out of his nose and he wipes it on his jeans. He cries until he can’t cry anymore. He wants to hit something. He wants to scream, because he should have went with him. He should have went with Mickey and he thought he was doing what was best for both of them and he hadn’t been.

           "Hi, Kayden... It's my again, call me as soon as you hear this, please. There are a lot of things i need to tell you."

   The voicemail was driving him crazy, but he was sure it was like twentieth he was leaving a message. He won't answer any of his calls, he won't even answer the texts he was sending. He couldn't take it anymore, he needed to tell Kayden what was going on, he needed to explain to him that he was out of his mind, that it was just a stupid mistake he had made.

        "Please, tell me where you are, i need to talk to you."

   Kayden's parents weren't home, and it was more than hard for him to just break in and force him to talk to him. He did understand that he was avoiding him, he would do the same if he had entered his room and caught him making out with a random girl. But he was concerned, he knew what Kay was capable to do.

   It was an stupid idea and dangerous. The alarm could totally get crazy and he would have to explain the cops that his boyfriend was ignoring him and he had to jump the gate of his house. That would sound totally creepy and probably psycho. But he was doing it anyway.

   He was climbing the tree in front of the balcony of his bedroom when the curtain moved and he say him, being a total mess, coiled up and crying. But that wasn't the only thing that was burning in the back of his mind.

    He knew Jessy since they were born, both from religious families, always living next door, they had been friends, until High School, there was when it all changed. While Jess was the perfect daughter, the one everyone wished for... Nathaniel was the rulebreaker, indeed, her parents didn't want him anymore.

    At their eyes, he was a sinner... Greed and Pride with nice hair and blue eyes. But he had that something that anyone could resist, not even the white bird with long hair and brown eyes. And Nathaniel was doing everything to change all of her.

"Just get lost, faggots."              "Messing with gay couples, does that makes you feel better?"

       It all started so fast, Ian couldn't even explain if to himself, two days ago he was a complete nobody, trying everything with Kayden to be someone on school. But before he knew they were already invited to that party, were everyone thought Kayden and him were secretly together and tried to make them come out of the closet.

      Everyone was talking about them! Kayden might seem uncomfortable with the situation, but him? He was loving it! Even the hottest girl in school, Melody, was now talking to him, asking him about how his relationship and he could swear she was flirting with him.