#{`solo.

her determination was truly an outstanding thing. once she set her mind to it, the outcome was all she saw and what she saw was a stage of beautiful, confident women serving up looks alongside her in a fun, flirty song suitable for summer. she’d played with the idea of dancing while performing live but as the lineup was solidified and practices began, the decision to focus solely on dancing seemed the best course of method.

each day they met to practice, kaia came prepared to conquer a battle that she was now taking head on: dancing in heels. or at the very least shoes that were not flat on the ground. girl groups sometimes got the concept to dance in comfortably cute regular shoes but judging from her seniors in the company and the majority of girl groups promoting, chances were she was not going to have that freedom. she’d fought with her favorite accessory during the winter evaluations shortly after signing with royal and though she was not too diligent with heels during other dance practices, she would be from this moment onward. but she had to take baby steps. wedges seemed about right.

the dance was cute and, honestly, relatively easy if you were just dancing it without performing vocally so all she felt she needed to do was put a bit of her own flair upon it to truly make her part feel like her. there was varying levels of skill when it came to dance much like the actual group they were mirroring and so the pressures shouldn’t have been too great but the obvious factor that three of them belonged to a highly competitive company was not something that could be ignored. at least for her. practices were taken as seriously as if she was going to dance before the coaches back at royal. she put herself into the performance and resonated as kaia the performer and not simply someone who enjoyed to dance every now and then.

by the time the stage called for them at the spring festival, kaia was ready.

( 0:00 - 1:11 )

they looked the part of a well put together group clad all in varying outfits of pink and white to exude the lovely spring atmosphere as they took to the stage in their respective spots. the song was so upbeat that even just by hearing the tropically infused quirky beat, kaia’s smile was not hard to grace her features. the dance was based entirely on the feeling of the song and it was easy to fall into it. sometimes slow and sensual, sometimes fast with more calculated moves but always with the kind of energy that made one get out of their seats. she did her personal best to try to preserve that feeling through until the end even when her part called for her to be at the back of the four.

any dance that called for her to freely move her hips or exude the sexy charisma that she naturally possessed was one that came naturally to her. there was no struggle she felt as she felt the music down to the tips of her toes, her body rolling along to the beat accentuating the shape that she loved so dearly. she bounced with sheer joy, the ponytail she wore bounding behind her with the same commitment she put into her moves. her smile was bright and even standing before the crowd on her while the powerful raps blasted through the speakers, she didn’t shy away from enticing, energetic body rolls and eye contact that overflowed with the shine of someone truly loving what they were doing. her hazel eyes were alight with joy as she played with the audience, strutting about as the lyrics called for a queen, her hand flipping her hair back before a kiss was delivered from her fingertips as the chorus synced the four of them back up once again.

( 1:44 - 2:28 )

as she guided herself across the floor, her chest popping along with the beat, she blessed the crowd with varying flirtatious smiles and manicured nails snapping soundlessly with her movements. once her hands buried themselves beneath her ponytail to lift the waterfalling dark tresses for an almost pinup pose as she looked out to the crowd with a soft wink and silent kiss. taking to the front once more, she came forward with enthusiasm before bouncing back into place with the girls. they rolled their hips in unison, a motion which she naturally put emphasis into especially when stopping on a dime, before falling into a movement that called for succession. as her fingertips touched her chest, stomach and hips, her ponytail billowing with each swing of her head, she did not lack in blatant eye contact with the crowd before her, the same playful smile on her face reaching all the way to her eyes despite the subtle roll she gave her body to make it just a bit more alluring. bringing herself to the front once more, she lightly arched her back to give a small roll to her hips as her final moment alone, the chorus energizing her once more.

( 2:47 - 3:47 )

stepping into line, she delivered a kiss as she bent forward before her hands found her hair and her hips swayed as she took her steps off to the side to let someone else shine. each step incited a roll throughout her body, each one more sensual than the last, until her knees met the ground. softly, her hand rested on her knee, her hair, the air and her hair once again before she rose to head off to the side where she belonged. she threw her head back so much so, her body falling into the rising motion, that when she began to bounce, her hands pushing at the air, her ponytail had landed over her shoulders to encase her in dark tresses. her hips rolled with pointed fingers at the motion, eyes alive with a seemingly tireless happiness, even as she moved into the changed choreo for the chorus at the end. twisting her body into a soft roll, she faced away and just simply allowed herself to feel the music as their bodies bounced until they returned to their original positions they began in.

her breaths were heavy and her thighs did ache from the dance practices and the exertion she used for such an energetic performance but her smile was genuine. she didn’t know the exact words to describe it but...

kaia the dj/fashionista was a very different person than lee chaerin the person. she had a confident demeanor only because she came to believe in herself and her aspirations. she had a spirit that could not and would not be broken but the misunderstanding with her was that it harbored no scars. she was human just like anybody else and she was capable of being hurt and she had been. perhaps her qualms with romantic relationships stemmed from the fostered feelings of growing up primarily without her parents who were always far too busy to be home or maybe she’d always been emotionally guarded in that aspect. to allow herself to be so vulnerable was a scary feeling and she didn’t handle that kind of pain well. the scars that remained from her last relationship still hung heavy on her heart even if she did not wear them on her sleeve. 

kaia wouldn’t allow that but chaerin was different.

a relationship that she felt was so perfect in every aspect. a true melding of two whole individuals coming together to form a partnership that formed a beautiful romance that seemed much like the storybooks. one that made her grandparents smile with joy at the happiness she exuded at just the mention of his name. one that had her gushing endlessly. for someone to be able to understand her beyond the exterior without any words needed, to always know what she needed and provide it to her questions unasked. it was the kind of relationship girls dreamed about and were she to be err on the regal side, she’d claim it was a relationship that only came once in a lifetime.

but it was one that did not last long.

she considered that her own inner demons might’ve pushed him but she was not a woman to take fault for someone else’s decisions. he made his choices and her warnings went unheeded even as the red flags waved in her eyes. it wasn’t a sudden change. she’d seen the signs slowly arising but she gave him the benefit of the doubt. with the history they’d had? there was no way there could be someone else. in that aspect she was semi-right.

there were several others.

to put it bluntly, it nearly shattered her and as she received the affirmation that what she suspected was true, it was not long after that she took her leave. even though she left without a tear shed -- because he didn’t deserve the satisfaction -- the following days, weeks, months went by carefully searching for the pieces of her heart that he’d trampled on to put them all back together. she could not be the kaia that everyone knew because chaerin was simply too much of a mess. she missed him, that much was true, but he was not the one.

it seemed that her song choices only resonated with chaerin outside of her djing practices and each and every time she was made to practice, she could feel the heaviness weigh upon her heart as each word resonated down to her bones. jaymes young painted a picture of actively overcoming a relationship with what little strength he had left and, honestly, it was a story that she knew all too well.

her outfits for her performances could err on the side of flashy and perhaps a little provocative but for something as humbling as baring herself, she required an embrace that she found in her clothing choices. even as she stood before the coaches in seocho, she could not bear to bring herself to smile as the words were already swimming around in her head. she introduced herself as per requested and gave her signal for the music to begin.

from the very first vocalized note, she was one with the music because chaerin was fully pouring herself into each and every syllable. the song did not call for any complicated vocal techniques and for that she was grateful because down to her soul she simply delivered on raw emotion. her voice carried stably -- a feat she was unable to achieve prior to her signing with royal -- and the limited range of notes she was able to produce were delivered clearly -- a direct result of proper practice. contrary to her almost delicate appearance for her performance, her voice had a soft huskiness to it that possessed an almost organic quality to it as her heart poured into each word. it had taken so much from her to get herself through that kind of heartbreak and the pain was so fresh and so real that it was almost crippling at times. she felt as if her heart was in agony and that very suffering shaped every letter of these lyrics that very closely told a story far too close to home. by the time she reached the end of her song, the tears had pooled up in her eyes and her she was exerting effort to fight the tightness that came in her throat for the sake of the performance. she refused to break down in tears. she would not shed another drop at his expense any longer. though they pooled in her eyes, no more formed and only what was there trickled down her cheeks silently as she regained her composure.

the song ended with him overcoming the relationship and allowing for himself to move on and though she had done the same -- much like jaymes probably experienced -- that was not the kind of hurt that could be forgotten. it was numbing.

she smiled though. truly.

from the careful wing she drew on her eyeliner that accentuated the natural almond shape of honey brown irises and the habitual sway of her hips as each step of her heels guided her towards the stage -- luscious ashen blonde hair caressing the small of her back -- she was a walking reminder that idols definitely had the capacity to be sexy.

but it wasn’t just her.

a trio of certified visuals dressed to the nines armed to the teeth with risque charisma for the holiday season left a scorching path in their wake as they ascended the stairs in front of their ceos, coaches and fellow trainees to take the stage. kaia was positive there would be nothing but smoldering cinders reminiscent of the stage once they were finished.

hard work had been put into their preparation for the performance and she knew they all stood a bit prouder as they displayed the matching tops they’d slaved over hot glue guns and sewing machines to create. she’d pass into the next life if she had to string another pearl onto a thread again, she was certain. the outcome was stunning and she was in love to say the least. and then when the shoes came along? she’d nearly lost it. could they have found a better heel to go with it?

dancing in it was another matter.

the extent of her dancing consisted of shuffling, club dancing -- which in all honesty didn’t require too much, and the hip-hop classes she attended as her gym credit back at ewha and she wore sneakers for those. jazz’s choreo was brilliant and she’d even incorporated the ideas kaia and sooyoung had to offer graciously to truly make it something they’d all created together but when they introduced the heels into the equation, kaia found an enemy within a friend.

the number of times she’d twisted or slipped or tripped or outright fell onto her ass during the choreography while trying to balance on the heels was almost embarrassing. she never knew an exhaustion like dancing in heels. her curves were her pride and joy but never had her thighs hurt so much. it hurt to even stand up after a while because of the muscles contracting. sooyoung and jazz were patient though and, honestly, she couldn’t have asked for better teammates.

it helped that she saw jazz everyday during training and so she was able to ask for help often if she needed it -- and she needed it -- and through diligent practices encouraged by jazz’s enthusiastic cheers and assertive practicing methods as well as encouragement from sooyoung, kaia was able to start keeping up with the two of them as much as she needed to in order to look uniform. the heels even began to feel more comfortable the more she danced in them.

though they had dolled themselves up and looked as if they had just walked from a magazine spread, the audience would not have pictured the antics they’d gotten into during their practices. primarily the dash for mcdonalds one late night. a hurried phone call to deliver to a nearby starbucks preceding the fastest kaia has ever run in her life from starbucks to her car -- jazz and sooyoung in tow -- so they could all huddle hidden from the cameras as best they could for just that one french fry. the strands of hair that she’d constantly glued to the tops inciting frenzy as they had to be severed with a quick snip of scissors and the almost babyish tears that followed. no. see the audience only saw what they wanted them to see: grown, sexy and talented women.

her heels struck the stage and it was like a switch had been flipped as the chaerin she’d left backstage faded to the back and the performer kaia walked in her shoes instead. it was why she was so adamant about how she was addressed. she considered them two different people. not everyone knew chaerin and she intended to keep it that way.

confident steps carried her to position on the far right -- sooyoung at the center, jieun at the left -- and from beneath carefully applied lashes, she let her eyes flit to the audience before her with a light, confident smile as her fingers sifted through the loose curls that cascaded down her back. regaining her focus, she rested her hand behind her head and atop her hip that she swayed into her wrist and gathered her starting position.

the music began and she knew nothing other than the music and the lyrics. they painted such a beautiful picture that all she had to do was follow along and accentuate each word with every inch of her body -- a feat that she found natural to do as she was used to representing each beat in a song to an emotional response. transcendence. the sultry look in her eyes emphasized only by the suggestive lyrics, intimate beat and the slight messiness of her hair as she used her curves to her advantage. light touches along her figure as the choreography called for made enticing by the mesmerizing steps she took towards the audience, eye contact intentional from beneath her lashes as she rose back to her feet, fingertips brushing the garter around her thigh precariously covering the tattoo she had with the addition of industrial strength tattoo cover-up.

her arms rose above her head and her eyes cast down as her hips swayed to the side before she entered into the first spin that she’d nearly died on during beginning practices with fluid ease even if the stop was a touch earlier than jazz and sooyoung just so she could prepare herself in that millisecond to execute that leg lift that she’d fallen on her ass because of multiple times. though these moves required a bit more concentration from her, she didn’t let her inward worries show. even when dj-ing in front of a large festival crowd, if a usb went dead, you had to improvise and keep a straight face doing it. you always had to be at your best even when you didn’t feel it. it was a lesson instilled in her from two passionate, hard-working parents and her own self determination.

her hands pressed to the top of her knees and she entered into a comfort zone. if there was one thing she knew how to do, it was how to move her ass. downright seductive in the way she rolled her hips as she rose right down to the slight quickened left-right popping before she turned on a dime, hand attaching to her hip and hair flipping scenically over as she trailed her hand up the length of her leg until her fingertips reached the garter. the searing look she gave the crowd was shameless and it continued right up until she posed before them.

the song slowed again and as she slipped closer and closer to the ground, her eyes fell to the spot before her until she met the crowds gaze over the tops of her fingers as they covered her face, her chin tilted softly. she ran her fingers through her hair as she flowed into their next position before rising up, fingers laced above her head as the roll of her body exuded eroticism right down to the light touch of her knees before she lowered once more. she faced the crowd dauntlessly, her hand lightly touching her body in the appropriate spots before the tossing of her hair and the abrupt rise from her knees to her feet changed her position once more.

she worked her hip and fell forward lightly before she produced a desirous arch her in back accompanied with her hair flip, the gaze from beneath her lashes coy even as she rocked her hips once more to an upright position. her hand upon her hip, she snapped the air beside her with all the attitude she was known for and walked with her chin high, pushing the air opposite her forwardly. fingers lifting her messed hair, her hips swung side to side before she spun back into position -- another risky move that was accompanied with screeches during practice -- falling forward and placing her hands on her knees to whip her long tresses in sync with sooyoung and jazz. dropping down to touch the ground and trailing her fingers along her legs, she threw her arm off to the side and gathered her legs once more.

her head turned, light flicks of her hands rose steadily as did her gaze to the crowd with each alluring sway of her hips in her gait forward. turning abruptly, she was unabashed in jutting her hip out, her hair flipping over her shoulders as her head snapped in one final glance to the crowd, leg extended and arms slowly drawing together, she allowed a light sassy smirk to paint across her rouge lips and she playfully “shot” at the crowd before turning completely and leaving the crowd with one last come-hither look.

she was from a musical family all the way up to her grandparents and while her and her father chose the more modern form of music, her grandparents preferred their voices. where she was used to piecing music together and creating instrumentals, they were apt in bringing out the words that electronic beats implied. she wasn’t the most lyrically brilliant but the idea that had fostered in her head, her grandparents helped to nurture it and let it blossom into the small song sample she decided to prepare.

usually high energy and always ready to party, kaia discovered a different side of herself as she penned the words from within to the soothing, melodic instrumental she’d created. she was a young woman not keen on expressing many of her feelings that pierced deeper than the surface but her notepad became the microphone for her inner voice. constant editing. countless times revising. she pieced things together, fretted over the wording and tore them apart again to try her hand at grasping the right sentence. every word she fought to carefully construct put into place to accurately convey her message. she wanted to express how happy things were going for her and how everything seemed to be on a steady rise with no end in sight as far as she was concerned. a feel good song with a relatable message to instill confidence.

she always wanted her music to make her listeners feel good.

it felt foreign to step onto the stage and not to end her journey behind her turntables. she almost felt exposed to the audience and the judges before her but it wasn’t the crowd that sent nerves throughout her hands that clasped at the microphone lightly. it was the oddity of using a different facet of talents she knew were second and third to her real talent of creativity. if she wanted to enter into korea’s entertainment industry, this was certainly the quickest way to do it and she was well aware. sometimes passion wasn’t enough.

at least if she bombed this, she looked cute.

a semi-formal suit dress with lace heels and a matching garter she wore strategically over the tattoo that encircled her thigh, she considered herself dressed somewhat down for the occasion despite the apropos nature of her choice in outfit to the mood of her song. mature. classy. confident. and with integrated points of her personality. sassy. direct. sexy. even if her song was one that was unknown and in it’s entirety exactly a minute and thirty seconds long, she did the most she could do with the time she was allotted -- a skill fine tuned as a dj.

standing on the wide stage that was empty except for a stool that she requested, kaia inhaled to gather herself and exhaled softly before a smile brightened carefully made up features and her first words were directed into the microphone following a short, introductory bow.

“hi.” she began in english, a wave accompanying the slight giggle that accentuated her single foreign word before she slipped into korean. “my name is kaia lee but my korean name is lee chaerin.” that was a name reserved solely for family but for the sake of professionalism, she crossed that border. she’d correct them if she got signed. carefully her manicured nails tucked ashen blonde locks behind her ear. she was far more demure than her usual personality in the face of new challenges. she was excited to try new things but even the most seasoned performers couldn’t fully escape themselves.

she wasn’t kaia right now. the crowd was truly meeting chaerin.

her smile was somewhat small but she did not waver in her stance. even facing daunting experiences, her confidence was what made her who she was and that wasn’t going anywhere despite the calmness she displayed. “i like to think i have two hometowns with one of them being here but i’m originally from miami, florida.” the follow-up question was not one that she could really lie to and so she didn’t even try to deceive the listeners. “honestly, i wasn’t going to come out originally but things have been looking very positive for me and i don’t have much experience in singing or rapping since i work as a dj but i figured that this was another sign that i should at least put myself out there and give it a try. this is something that i want to do, don’t get me wrong, but i think it’s time i start trying to find a focus.” she smiled lightly once more and took her seat. crossing her legs knee over knee, she carefully pushed her hair behind her shoulders so that her profile could be seen and nodded across the stage towards the sound tech to begin the sole audio clip that was on her flash drive for the day.

timing was no issue for her and she came in as smoothly as she could with her limited singing experience. she wasn’t horrible and had a nice husky timbre to her voice even if it was obvious she’d never had any formal training. she was comfortable most in the lower ranges which was what she learned while working with her grandma and so it was where she stayed, stability achieved where true developed talent didn’t shine through. she knew she wasn’t stellar but she persisted with the cloud her confidence had built up around her at the familiar beat she’d slaved over as critically as the songs she mixed soothed her and delivered a sort of comfort to an anxious heart. she found a luxury in the music that attended to the richness of her words. 

she’d come on the rappers weekend and she was sure to deliver to the best of her ability.

rapping was more her forte. speaking so comfortably and candidly with just the right amount of applied attitude and personality injected into each word was something she did on a daily basis when having a conversation. it came naturally to her and at one point was the closest to singing she would come. her voice was raw in that it was not one she had to force herself into in order to sound a certain way and her words were real because they came from her. from the hand that rested on her belly as she sang and rocked in her seat, she became slightly animated and free with her motions but she never lost her calm, self-secure demeanor to shenanigans.

always classy. always mature. always confident.

her thumb and forefinger curled together as “g-good” left her lips. her hand coyly grabbing as if taking a bite from something at “eat you up” and a small smile following. she even went so far as to lightly graze two fingers across her forehead at the mention of a fever. carefully pointed fingers to the stage as she rapped to give light emphasis before she pressed her fingertips to her temple as if remembering something and gave her head a shake as if wondering if things were really happening as the lyrics questioned that as well. her hand pressed to her chest gently but assuredly as she declared her luxury. with the end in sight, she loosened up slightly and grew more free with her movements, even sparing a half-hearted point towards the judges before waving the accusation off with a jesting smile because not today.

her singing made a short reappearance just to keep with the flow of the song and she allowed herself to freely rock from side to side with it, her foot that had been tapping since the music first began only to pause during her rap started up again and she just allowed herself to jam. because that was what the song was about. she ended the hook earlier than the first one, a broad smile accompanying her last sentence as the music faded. she stood and lightly brushed her dress back down before speaking again. “thank you for your time.” looking to the line of contestants still waiting to go, she lightly held up a supporting fist. “and good luck!” dipping into a light bow, she helped herself off of the stage in the way she was directed, her goofiness already returning as she collapsed with a soft squeal into the arms of her grandmother who stood waiting with a laugh.

security was her friend. the daughter of a critically acclaimed international dj and a talent scout for high-end edm acts, kaia had seen her fair share of music hopefuls with stars in their eyes and rabid fans with obsession widened pupils. she scarcely reacted to their vigorous ways any longer but when inside noise basement, she took no risks. no one was allowed in the booth other than her and they certainly weren’t to approach her until she was cleaned up and changed. the second was a less enforced rule and more of a personal philosophy than a true decree but she upheld it nonetheless. so she used the security guards to her advantage and they obliged for the clubs’ local money maker with regards to the friendly rapport she’d built up with them. a few dinners and remembered birthdays went a long way.

due to this careful process of retaining her privacy, she found it all the more confounding as to exactly how this man had managed to break her line of temporary disconnect and intrude upon the time where she was not “on” so to speak. he was a man with a very unique appeal to him. that’s not to say she was attracted to him -- because she had a very distinct type and he did not fit the bill -- but that she could recognize a fellow lover of self expression through a personal fashion. he wore clothes that could be considered simple but his coordination was so deliberate and fashion was so much more than just style because there was a certain attitude you needed to command the clothes instead of being worn by them and all in this unexpected yet fate-like meeting kaia was able to decipher this all. so much so, she barely had a chance to hear his proposal.

vibrate.

a young brand in all respects creating a raucous name for themselves in the underground streetwear fashion scene in korea. they had stamped their brand into the accessories division -- particularly hatwear -- and the associated attitude they’d strived for was one fitting to the young prominent dj. an all around urban feel with both korean and international appeal. hip hop chic with a touch of eccentricity.

they wanted her as a model.

she was to think on it and get back into contact with him and so she did. she thought on it. and thought on it. and thought on it. she thought until there was no more thinking left to do. she’d never considered the prospects of modeling. her body wasn’t the conventional body for korean standards and her garter belt tattoo would surely raise some eyes as well as the suggestive nature of her persona but for all of these aspects to be celebrated -- aspects she’d always considered to be her strengths that were turned faults in korean society -- kaia could hardly contain her excitement.

it took her less than two days to call back.

everything following that was a whirlwind. test shots were taken. careful management of her public relations was taken into account. negotiations were discussed and meetings were set up once she was able to secure herself a lawyer. it was nowhere near a large corporation as they were solely based with two locations in korea but by the end of contract diplomacy, kaia left gangnam branch of vibrate feeling like an a-list celebrity. she’d passed with flying colors and guaranteed for at least one year, she would be the newest addition to the vibrate brand.