#!unfinished

“What’s wrong?” She pushed herself up from the table and brushed her shoulder up against his. It was accidental, but she was glad she did. It looked like he needed a bit of affection right then.

The healer continued to look at the mug in his hands, his eyebrows knit together. “Have you ever been in love?”

His words shocked her. It was the last thing she expected him to say, honestly. She blinked, her face flushing as she realized that she is currently in love with the person that asked her that question. Hawke was in a bit of a pickle.

“Yes. I think so at least. …Why?” Now she was really worried. What if Anders was in love with someone? Her feelings for him would be pointless. It scared her to near sobriety.

“I don’t know if I have,” he answered. “Remember Karl? The mage friend of mine that I wanted to save back when we first met.”

Hawke nodded.

“I think I might have loved him when I was younger,” he began. The statement shocked her. She had no idea that Anders swung that way. “He was my first.”

“Your first..? First… wha-- OH!” Everything dawned on her then. Karl was that kind of first. She blinked as she looked Anders over for a moment. It made her see him in an entirely different light. It wasn’t a bad thing though. “So does that mean you’re… gay?” she asked, worried. It felt like such a selfish thing to worry about though.

Anders just smiled and shook his head. “No. It means that I look at the person more than what’s in their skivvies.”

Relief flooded through her. Desire too, actually. She found his open nature extremely attractive, especially since she was much the same. “That’s funny. Or well! I mean not funny. I guess ironic would be more appropriate. Uh… I mean.” She rambled. Her relief from him mentioning that he still liked girls made her all tongue-tied.

A thin, elegant fingered hand rested on her shoulder and gave it a squeeze of reassurance. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“No, no!” She stopped and banged her head on the table in anger. “Ugh, I can’t talk. Sorry. I feel the same way that you do… towards gender. I’ve had feelings for both sexes and it wasn’t because of what was on the outside, you know. It was because of who they were. How they treated others. I saw past all of that other bull and fell for their soul.” She stopped and laughed nervously, unable to look him in the eyes. “Do I make sense?”

“Really?” He turned toward her now, curious. But their was something else glinting in his eyes that she couldn’t quite make out. “Interesting.”

Hawke just blinked at him. “Interesting?”

“Yes,” he replied. “Interesting…”

Hawke squinted at him as she fiddled with the mug in front of her. “…Am I missing something?”

The mage just laughed at her, much more heartily than he had before. It made her relieved to see him more relaxed. Maybe he just needed to open up to someone.

“Anders?” Hawke asked as she leaned on him.

“Yes?” his body seemed to tense up at the contact.

“Do you miss him?” she asked, not exactly knowing why she did.

There was a long moment of silence. Hawke was too scared to look up at him. She had this tendency to ask questions that were of an overtly personal nature. It was something that Aveline was extremely bothered by. Anders was usually open, so she just assumed…

She pulled away from him so she could look at his face. Something within her squeezed painfully at the sight. Unshed tears pooled in his eyes as he clenched and unclenched the fingers that gripped his mug.

Her mouth opened, ready to apologize, but something within her stopped her from speaking. Instead, she scooted closer to him and curled her arms around him so she could hug him tightly. He closed his eyes and his tears finally slid down his cheeks. Hawke could see that he was still tortured over the ordeal and it worried her.