ana ۶ৎ

soon, apparently.

first day of class and everyone was buzzing with excitement, fresh off the break sharing vacation stories and whatnot. they were so loud. his break was just him working, spending a few days of the holiday with family, working, contemplating whether or not engineering was for him, and… you guessed it. working.

he trudged into the lecture hall, the strap of his backpack barely hanging onto his shoulder, and sat himself in the back. because it was a required course, the class was full. more people filed in, sitting any spot that they could find.

the professor strode in, silencing the crowd with an authoritative tap on the microphone. a syllabus and a couple of slides later, taesan’s eyes briefly flickered to the creaky doors opening. he watched as you hurried in, windswept hair, silently apologizing to your professor before making your way to a seat.

—

you groaned. you could not have had a worse start to your semester. you barely managed to make it back to campus this morning after your flight was continuously delayed. you planned to come the day before so you could situate yourself a little, but all you had time to do was chuck your suitcases in your room and sprint to class. not to mention, tabling for the semester had started and everyone was trying to get people to join their orgs. usually, you’d stop and listen intently, but today was not that day. the tablers thought otherwise though. not one, not two, but three people stopped on your mad dash to class.

are you interested in joining ballroom dancing? not really! sorry! i’m late to class!

would you like to join women in stem? i would but can’t right now! late!

do you wanna donate to sigma alpha epsilon? NO! can’t you see i’m fucking late?

oops. you felt bad (not really). you’re usually a very polite person. today was just not your day.

you managed to find your lecture hall, only 10 minutes late. you tried to open the doors silently, except they had no plans to stay silent. the squeaky hinges alerted your professor that you arrived. you sheepishly bowed, trying to convey your apology, before trying to find a seat. a seat in this full lecture. wow. this was awkwa— oh! there’s a seat!

your eyes met another’s. instinctually, you averted your gaze, focusing on your feet as you made your way to the empty seat.

since it was in the middle of the row and you didn’t feel like crawling over all those poor people, you climbed all the way to the back of the room. when you got behind the empty seat, you noticed a backpack on it. you looked at the girl on the right and saw her backpack by her feet. so, you safely assumed it was the guy on the left’s. you crouched down and tapped his shoulder. he glanced over, meeting your eyes. oh shoot. it was the guy you made awkward eye contact with.

“i’m so sorry, but do you mind if i sit here?” you whispered. he just nodded and removed his backpack, turning back to his notes.

you dropped your backpack in front of the seat and stiffly climbed over, careful to not kick anyone’s head. once you plopped in your seat, you quickly got your laptop out, taking notes over what your professor was currently speaking about.

—

a wildly awkward entrance. an even more awkward attempt at silently getting into the seat beside him. taesan wanted to laugh. not at you, persay. there he sat thinking that his life sort of sucked, but then you came in. flushed and looking a bit out of place. as sorry as it might be, he found some comfort in your misfortune.

at the end of the lecture, taesan felt the tension leave your body—or rather, saw—when your body melted in the seat and you threw your head back with a groan. while he packed up his pencil case, he caught you scrolling through the lecture pdf, trying to see what you missed. he could offer you his notes. taesan looked down at his notebook… maybe not. he doubted that you’d be able to read it.

before he could make up his mind, you slammed your laptop shut and shoved it in your backpack. you followed the rest of the stragglers out of the lecture hall, leaving taesan to retract his hand and close his mouth with words left unsaid.

now, taesan didn’t give you much thought after that. why would he? he didn’t know you. but, you did start appearing in his head after he noticed that you kept sitting by him for the following lectures. like you were assigned that seat.

you weren’t late anymore. sometimes, you were even earlier than him. this led to the two of you sharing polite nods and pleasant smiles but nothing more. until a month in.

he knew from the syllabus that grading was divided between attendance, exams, and partner projects. was he looking forward to those projects? absolutely not. he hated them. people inevitably got distracted and couldn’t manage their own pace.

by the end of lecture, he was paired with some guy named jaehyun for the first partner project. the guy seemed great. a little too social for his liking, though. in taesan’s mind, overly social people tended to be less committed to completing their part of the project. so, he mentally prepared himself to do the majority of it by himself.

but, taesan also found himself a bit disappointed. he didn’t have anyone that he would have preferred over jaehyun—he didn’t know anyone in that class—but he was curious about you. he’s seen how you take notes. you followed the lecture and put in your own comments between content notes, little things here and there that personalized your learning. he admired it. so much so, taesan started doing it himself. he wondered what your name was…

taesan didn’t have to wonder for too long. in the middle of one of his and jaehyun’s meetups, you came bouncing along.

“hey, myungjae!” you smiled. that was new. the only facial expressions taesan had ever seen on you was confusion, despair, and frustration. this… this was a nice change.

jaehyun waved back with a big grin. “well, if it isn’t the queen herself, miss y/n.”

taesan noted your name, saying it a couple of times in his head. it was a nice name. it suited you.

you rolled your eyes and gave him a smack on the shoulder. “stop calling me that. literally no one else calls me that.”

“i’d beg to differ.” jaehyun wiggled his finger at you. “leehan calls you that all the time.”

“that’s only because i feed his fish when he’s at work,” you replied. you glanced at taesan curiously before recognition bloomed on your face. “hey! you’re the guy that i sit next to in class.”

taesan awkwardly smiled. “ya… i’m taesan.”

“y/n,” you nodded back, returning his smile with the same cordial one you give him in class. (darn. taesan felt disappointment when you didn’t give him the same smile as jaehyun. why was he disappointed?) you turned your focus back to jaehyun. “i didn’t know you knew taesan.”

“we’re partners for the partner project!”

you blinked. “what partner project?”

jaehyun sighed, giving you a flat look. “the one in class?”

one. two. three. four. five—

“holy shit! you’re in that class too?” you exclaimed with wide eyes.

jaehyun clutched his chest, throwing himself to the side. “my queen doesn’t perceive me. she doesn’t even know we share a class together.”

taesan watched as you wrestled jaehyun, who was being dramatic and acting like you were actually hurting him. you were a brighter person outside of class, knowledge that taesan wouldn’t have been privy to if it weren’t for this partner project. taesan found himself smiling at your light laughs and quips about jaehyun’s airheadedness. he glanced at the time. shoot. he had to go to work.

“sorry,” taesan said as he packed up his stuff. “i gotta head out, but we can text about the rest of the stuff.”

you pulled away from jaehyun, letting the poor guy catch his breath. “oh my— i’m so sorry. i didn’t realize that i was bothering you guys for that long.”

taesan waved nonchalantly. “it’s okay. this was more of an impromptu, just to iron out some details. we were practically done when you came.”

you pouted. cute. cute? cute? taesan internally froze. you were cute?

whatever you said after, he didn’t catch. his mind was currently scrambling about how he found someone (you) cute. he subconsciously nodded at whatever you were saying and made his leave, making an excuse that he was about to be really late. as he hurried away, he heard you tell jaehyun. “maybe he doesn’t like boba.”

funny you should say that. he was on his way to his job… which was making boba.

as taesan sealed the drink he was currently making, his thoughts drifted back to you. the girl that sat next to him during class. the girl that he academically admired enough to copy her notetaking style. the girl that very awkwardly made an appearance in his life. the girl he found cute.

after he called out the drink, he turned and groaned, leaning on his coworker, woonhak. “woonhak, i think my years are getting to me.”

woonhak, his junior by two years, patted him on the head. “you are getting old, man. but, don’t worry. i hear that the standard of living for old people is getting higher.”

taesan whipped his head up and punched woonhak’s shoulder. as the younger man whined and rubbed his shoulder, taesan rinsed the dishes in the sink.

“okay, i’ll bite. what makes you say that?” woonhak asked.

taesan shook his hands before wiping away the excess water off with a rag. “there’s this girl—”

“a girl!?” taesan’s glare silenced woonhak’s exaggerated gasp.

“i knew her—well, not really—but i finally met her and… i found her cute…” taesan trailed off, putting away the refrigerated items left on the counter.

“hold on. you found a girl cute,” woonhak tilted his head. “and that’s why i became a victim of violence? dude, it’s normal to find people attractive.”

“i know. it’s just that i’ve been knowing her. she sits next to me in class. it’s just… i didn’t think of her as anything until i knew her name,” taesan murmured.

woonhak stroked his chin. “names are a powerful kind of magic.”

taesan stared at woonhak blankly before sighing. “you’ve been playing d&d too much.”

woonhak’s cheeks puffed out, his defense bubbling in his throat before he noticed the customer at the register. he turned to them and put on his brightest smile. “hi! what can i get you today?”

taesan moved beside woonhak to hear the order when he heard his name from a familiar voice. “taesan?”

he looked up and saw you. you brightened when you saw that you were right. “you work here?”

at that moment, he thanked his barber for accidentally leaving the sides of his hair long because he knew the tips of his ears were beginning to redden. “oh, hey. ya, i do.”

“i guess you do like boba! when you didn’t reply to my offer to buy you boba, i thought you hated it or something.” your grin was very blinding. at least to him, seeing how he was only familiar with the details of your face when you were feeling negative emotions. wait. details of your face? oh shoot. taesan was screwed.

he let out an awkward chuckle. “ya… i didn’t see a point since i work at a boba shop…” you offered to buy him boba? as an apology for interrupting his meeting with jaehyun? fuck, he didn’t hear that.

“oh… well! how about i buy you food instead? i feel really bad about the whole—”

“no! it’s okay. really…”

you blinked at his interjection and then laughed. “well, you can’t stop me from tipping you then. you do get your tips, right? i heard some owners don’t give their employees the tips.”

woonhak gasped. “are you serious?”

you nodded earnestly. “my friend, leehan, doesn’t get the tips because he gets paid a flat rate. it’s stupid, really. so, i just venmo him the tip.”

“that’s diabolical. that should be illegal,” woonhak sighed with a shake of his head.

you hummed in agreement before looking up at the menu. “do you mind if i order?”

“oh, not at all!” woonhak’s hand hovered the screen. while you were still contemplating your order, taesan braved taking a glance at your face. what details was he remembering?

your overall face did seem happier than what he was used to in class. you seemed lighter. the corners of your lips weren’t downturned like usual, quirked the slightest bit upward as you pouted. your tired eyes were brighter, glistening almost, like they held more life. usually, you looked dead, focusing on the lecture and your notes. your hair was more kempt, though he did find himself liking the messy updos you did in class.

“and will that be all?” woonhak’s voice broke his train of thought. taesan blinked. he missed your entire order. he looked at the pos and saw an oolong milk tea with grass jelly. coincidentally, his favorite drink. it’s like fate— no. he is not letting himself get delusional.

he forced himself to make the drink quickly, handing it to you after wiping it down. you smiled at him. “see you in class!”

taesan’s gaze lingered on you as you walked away until you were out of view. he turned to woonhak who was already looking at him with a smirk.

“oh. you’ve got it bad,” woonhak laughed. he clapped in excitement and threw his arm around taesan’s shoulders. “don’t worry. i think you got a chance.”

woonhak released taesan to check how much of a tip you left. his eyes widened before he hit taesan’s arm. “dude, you definitely got a chance. she tipped $20.”

taesan gawked at the amount. you were generous. it made him smile a bit, but he schooled his expression. he couldn’t give woonhak more things to tease him about. he’d just have to thank you in class.

and he did. thank you, that is.

you just brushed him off with a smile, saying it was no big deal. but, the smile was different this time. no strain. the politeness was still there, but there was more. genuine joy. not as big as the one you gave jaehyun, but better than the one you usually gave him. it felt nice. but, with this, he was scared. what if he started craving more? like seeing you out of class? or trading numbers to compare notes? well, now that he put that into his head, taesan was definitely gonna start hoping that. stupid.

as much as he tried to stamp those feelings down, over the next few weeks, he did start seeing you more out of class. out of coincidence, of course. it started with small waves across the food hall. then, it was whenever you passed each other on campus. then, it was at jaehyun’s party.

“dude, you need to come. you literally carried the whole project. the least i could do is help you unwind this weekend.” jaehyun’s eyes were round and hopeful. it was hard to say no. so, taesan said yes.

taesan isn’t a partier though. he actually hates crowds. they’re loud, messy, and… sticky—whether it be from sweat or spilled alcohol… he dreaded to think of any other reasons. but, jaehyun reassured him. it’d be a get-together in his apartment, so the crowd won’t be too big. taesan somehow doubted it, but he still found himself going. with woonhak, of course.

“can’t believe you know the myung jaehyun and you’re inviting me to one of his parties,” woonhak said, jumping with excitement. “he only ever invites his circles and they’re all cool.”

taesan rolled his eyes as they walked to jaehyun’s apartment. “this isn’t some hallmark movie, woonhak. everyone’s normal. they aren’t any cooler than you or me.”

taesan didn’t often take back his words. he prided himself on only sharing universal facts or opinions that he firmly stood by. but, there you were, making taesan eat his words. you were off to the side behind a small dj set, mixing some of the best club mixes he’s ever heard.

woonhak bumped his shoulder, returning with two drinks in his hand. “they aren’t any cooler, huh? that’s not what your face says.” woonhak sipped his drink as taesan absentmindly took his.

you looked so free. headset wrapped around your neck, hands busy with the dials. you were the definition of cool. you just mixed girls generation’s gee into gd x taeyang’s good boy. who does that? you. you did that. and, people were eating it up, loving the build up and drop.

what he’d usually think is just loud noise, taesan found himself enjoying, grooving with woonhak who was having a blast.

“yooo! taesan! you made it!” jaehyun approached him with open arms. taesan moved his drink just out of reach before jaehyun gave him a bear hug. “i honestly wasn’t sure if you were gonna come! i was scared i got y/n’s hopes up for nothing!”

you were hoping he’d come? though taesan was smirking, internally, he was doing flips and feeling mildly shy. “apparently, i couldn't miss the myung jaehyun’s party.”

“please! it’s just a get-together,” jaehyun said with a shrug.

taesan’s eyebrow quirked. “a get-together… with a dj?”

jaehyun glanced at you before grinning brightly. “it’s just y/n! even though her mixes are insane.”

taesan laughed before taking a sip of his drink. the burn of alcohol was slight but enough to make him recoil a bit. jaehyun laughed at his reaction. “is it strong? i told y/n to go easy on the tequila.”

at taesan’s shrug, jaehyun just patted him on the back. “come on! let’s go say hi to y/n!”

jaehyun grabbed his arm and pulled him a step forward before turning back to woonhak. “you too!” jaehyun let go of taesan to wrap his arm around woonhak’s shoulder, pulling him and taesan through the crowd. when they approached you, you were talking to another guy who was leaning a bit close for it to be a casual conversation. it made taesan squirm inside. alright, let’s calm down. she’s just your classmate.

you looked up from your conversation and yelled. “taesan! you came!”

when the guy looked put-off by you pulling away from him, taesan couldn’t help but feel a bit smug. but, there’s nothing to feel smug about. stop it. just because you were coming up to taesan right now with open arms and the world’s most blinding smile—it doesn’t mean anything. because taesan doesn’t have a crush on you.

you wrapped your arms around him and he gently returned it. you pulled away, only slightly, to look up at him. taesan could make out the slight blush—he means flush—on your cheeks. you gave him a dopey smile. “i’m glad you came! i’m a bit tipsy heh.”

as if taesan caught on fire, you jumped back and covered your gasp with your hand. “sorry! i don’t know if you’re comfortable with hugs. i should’ve asked before—”

“you’re fine, y/n.” taesan softly patted your head which made you smile again.

you turned to woonhak and pointed. “boba guy!”

woonhak sheepishly waved back when jaehyun grabbed him by the shoulders. “do you work at the boba shop?”

woonhak nodded, leaning back slightly at jaehyun’s closeness. jaehyun suddenly hugged him. “dude, you’re my new friend. i freaking love boba.”

you side-eyed jaehyun. it was a cute expression. shit. no. stop it, taesan.

you abruptly linked your arm with taesan. “well, taesan’s been my friend and he also works at the boba shop. i had an insider before you.” you stuck your tongue out at jaehyun before leaning up to whisper in taesan’s ear (which was heating up at your proximity). “i don’t want free boba or anything. i’m just competing against jaehyun.”

“ya, right. you don’t even have your friend’s number,” jaehyun scoffed, jutting his hip out sassily.

your jaw dropped. you scrambled to pull out your phone. “i’m sorry, but would you mind giving me your number?”

taesan could see woonhak smirking out of the corner of his eye. he held back his sigh. he was definitely gonna hear about this at work. he took your phone and put in his number, saving himself as taesan (seatmate). when he returned it to you, you pouted. he watched you type on your phone before you showed him your screen. taesan 🐈‍⬛🥳.

“you’re not just my seatmate, silly. you’re my friend!” if you grinned any wider, taesan was scared he was going to be permanently blinded. he just smiled at you and patted your head again.

“yes, ma’am,” he replied softly. your eyes crinkled and taesan didn’t know how he was still standing. he’ll finally admit it to himself. you were cute, so painfully cute.

the night continued with you and jaehyun bickering between songs, jaehyun whisking away woonhak to show him all his pokemon cards, you asking taesan a million questions about himself, and taesan returning the favor by asking “what about you?”.

by the end of the party, taesan knew that you preferred listening to soft songs over the k-pop edm that you mix. he knew that you loved feeling the sun on your face but also got really sleepy from it. he knew how you took your matcha (not coffee because you couldn’t handle how bitter it was). he knew that you couldn’t internalize study material without eating ramen at least twice during your study session. he knew a bunch of things about you now. the downsides? he admits he has crush on you and it’s grown and may have a tiny chokehold on him.

of course, it wasn’t confirmed until he noticed himself searching for you in ordinary things. every matcha order he makes, he thought about how you’d rate it based off of your order. every time the sun peaked through the clouds, he thought about how you’d wanna take a nap. every song he came across, he thought about putting it in a playlist he most certainly did not make after learning about your preferences.

okay, so maybe he did like you a little more than he initially thought. but, it doesn’t stop him from acting normal in class. thank goodness. you two carried on, attending lectures now as friends. you indeed did start comparing notes after exchanging numbers, studying together in your apartment even. taesan found himself amused whenever you stopped to make some ramen. you started hanging out from time to time, jaehyun and woonhak included at the most random times. but, he cherished when it was just you two. and, usually, it was when you wanted to go on nightly bike rides.

“it’s too dangerous for me to walk. at least, on a bike, i can speed away from any assailants!” you explained to him with determination. he shook his head, finding you endearing.

it was after these nights that taesan knew he was falling in love with you. whenever he was at work and couldn’t text you, woonhak said he was sulking too much, being more unapproachable than usual. sometimes, he’d make your matcha order just to better remember the time you introduced him to your favorite matcha place. during other partner projects, he thought about how you might go about the topics. on his walks home after work, he wished he was out riding bikes with you, screaming about everything and nothing. whenever he heard k-pop songs playing at work, he thought about the new mixes you’d send him for a sneak peak. on the days the wind was a little harsh on the way to class, he’d crave the way you’d subconsciously cuddle into his side.

one day, you didn’t show up to class. taesan waited. 10 minutes turned into 20, then 30. taesan could hardly focus on the lecture. where were you? he shot you a text. are you okay?

you sent one back just as fast. i feel like there’s a rave going on in my head :(

excuse me? taesan stared at his phone concerned. do you need to go to the er?

noooo! i’m just gonna rot in bed and hope the vaporub does its magic 🙂

as soon as the professor dismissed everyone, taesan shoved everything in his backpack haphazardly and rushed out. what makes sick people feel better? soup, right?

he quickly texted woonhak, asking him to cover his shift. when woonhak agreed and probed why, taesan just said your name. woonhak didn’t ask after that. he just sent a smirking emoji that taesan rolled his eyes at.

he rushed home and put a pot on the stove. he threw open his fridge, glasses clinking violently. taesan stared at his fridge for ingredients. he knew the turmeric in the seasoning pantry would help. he had half of his rotisserie chicken left. he looked at the carrots but remembered you weren’t a fan. he noted the minced ginger and lemons. okay, chicken noodle soup. a classic.

taesan got to work, chopping up all the ingredients in bite-sized pieces and shredding the chicken. he grabbed the chicken stock from his pantry and poured it into the pot. he threw garlic, ginger, turmeric, onions, celery, etc. and started heating it up. he taste-tested every so often, making sure that it’d at least taste good. by the end, taesan was proud to say it was definitely homemade chicken noodle soup. he sprinkled in some cayenne since he knew how much you liked spicy food. he packed it all up in a soup container and texted you. omw to yours!

he stared at the box on his counter, debating whether or not to give it to you. would this be a good time? would it seem inconsiderate? taesan groaned before tucking it under his arm and heading out. his phone buzzed, a reply from you. but you might get sick :(

taesan smiled and shook his head. as if that would stop him from seeing his girl. oh. his girl? you’re not his girl. yet, he hoped.

he near sprinted to your apartment, waving down the people in the lobby to fob him up to your floor. before he knocked on your door, he caught his breath, trying to appear normal. after a few minutes, he knocked and was surprised by how quickly you answered.

oh, you were so cute, wearing a snuggie and the fluffy cat pajama pants he got you for secret santa.

“you didn’t have to come,” you croaked, moving aside so he could step in. as you closed the door behind him, you peered curiously at the box in his arms. “whatcha got there?”

taesan turned and presented you the box. “i made you soup since you’re sick and all.”

you tilted your head in confusion. “where’s the soup?”

he looked down at his hands. holy— where’s the soup? then, he remembered. when he finally decided to bring the box, he forgot to grab the soup on the counter. he groaned and hung his head.

“i might have forgot it,” he muttered. he’s so stupid. how could he forget the whole purpose of him coming here?

you giggled and then winced. “well, what did you bring instead?”

taesan quickly hid the box behind his back and nervously laughed. “nothing! nothing. how about i go back to my apartment and bring the soup?”

“you don’t have to,” you shook your head slowly. “you can, however, tell me what the box is.”

“uh, i’m gonna go back and get the soup!” taesan yelped as he shuffled around you, careful to keep the box out of your reach.

you frowned (cutely, taesan would add). “but, you’re already here. so is the box.”

“how about i give you the box after i get the soup?” taesan tried to reason.

“how about you leave the box and go get the soup—so you don’t forget it again—and i take a peak in the box?” you suggested cheekily. you wiggled your eyebrows at him, swaying a little. oh, how taesan would never win against you.

“if you promise to wait until i give you the soup, i’ll leave the box.”

you paused and thought about it. you sighed and agreed in defeat. “fine. i’ll wait.”

“good girl,” taesan smirked as he set the box on the kitchen counter. you handed him your keys as he opened the door. “i’ll know if you tried to open it by the way.”

as you rolled your eyes, taesan left, his heart racing. he really hoped you wouldn’t open the box until he was back. what if you didn’t wanna see him after? he wouldn’t be able to give you your soup and then he’d have to eat this soup knowing that you hated him.

the anxiety fueled him. he did a full sprint to his apartment and raced up the stairs. he snatched the soup container and raced back down. like the world was smiling down on him, people were already going into your complex so he slipped in with them. he couldn’t stop tapping his foot impatiently, glaring at the numbers going up slowly. when it finally stopped on your floor, his feet stomped down the hall to your door.

he opened your apartment door to see you on the couch, poking at the box sadly. when you heard him come in, your head whipped up which made you wince. he shook his head and lightly scolded you. “you’re gonna make your headache worse.”

“i was just excited to see you,” you muttered. man, that made him a bit hopeful.

he smiled as he dug through your drawers for a spoon before presenting you with the soup. you clapped softly and took it. “did you make it?”

taesan nodded shyly. “sorry if it doesn’t taste that good. but, it will help you get better. so, i expect you to finish it.”

when you took your first sip, taesan could’ve sworn your eyes twinkled.

“taesan, no joke, this is so good,” you praised, taking more spoonfuls.

taesan let out a sigh of relief before plopping down next to you. “i’m glad. i would’ve gone home and cried if you said it was bad.”

you hummed before setting down the soup. you faced him, then pointed at the box. “can i open it now?”

just like that, tension reentered his body. fuck. he did say that he’d give it to you after he got the soup. “y-yes?”

grinning, you grabbed the box and began to open it. taesan leaned forward and placed his hand on top of the box. “before you open it, can you promise me one thing?”

you looked at him, blinking in confusion. “what’s up?”

“you won’t hate me after?” taesan hated how desparate that came out.

you just laughed and grabbed his hand. wow, yours were so warm.

“taesan, i could never hate you—unless this box was holding my mom’s head in it. sorry, that was morbid.” it was your turn to nervously laugh. but, for whatever reason, it let taesan relax a little.

when you opened the box, a soft gasp left you. you pulled out the ippodo kanza matcha and the matcha bowl taesan crafted for you in a pottery class he took. you placed them on the counter as taesan watched in anticipation. you took out the spotify code tag that taesan had bought from etsy. then, the small jar full of folded up papers followed. finally, you found the letter sitting at the bottom.

taesan was itching, his breathing becoming uneven. he stood up, startling you, and sat at the dining table. you looked at him confused.

“sorry, i don’t think i can be next to you when you read that,” taesan laughed oddly.

you snorted and opened the letter. he couldn’t watch you read it. he fiddled with his fingers, letting himself pick out the details on the textured walls of your apartment.

he couldn’t bear thinking of what you’d think of his letter. it contained everything. how he really treasured your friendship. how he treasured you.

how he loved how particular you were about your matcha. how he loved your studying quirk of eating ramen twice. how he loved riding bikes at night with you. how he loved your dj music even though he hates edm.

how you changed his college experience. how engineering, though it was still hard, became bearable after meeting you. how you made this semester the happiest semester of his life. how your smiles became his encouragement. how your laugh was best kind of music life had to offer. how warm your presence was even during the coldest days. how he wanted to be that person for you.

how he wanted to be the guy that makes the matcha that makes you hum in happiness. how he wanted to be the one making you your second and third ramen on a particularly rough study night. how he wanted to keep being the only person you sent your new mixes to. how he wanted to be yours if you’d have him.

it was cheesy, taesan knows. but, it was his feelings. the feelings that he tried to eat and forget about.

when he heard sniffling, he glanced up at you. tears had welled up in your eyes, a few droplets making their way onto the letter. you lifted your head, trying to will the tears back into your tear ducts. your reaction had taesan nervous. were these good tears? were these goodbye tears? did he ruin everything? did he—

“come over here, stupid.” you glared at him. taesan hesitantly returned to his spot on the couch. you pulled out your phone and tapped away before giving him your phone. he gingerly took it.

my bf 🥰

oh… you were dating someone else… that’s embarrassing. taesan should’ve known. were there signs he ignored? was he that blind? this was—

as if you read his mind, you leaned over and opened your text messages with your boyfriend. it felt wrong looking at them. but, taesan couldn’t help but peak at them.

oh. oh! taesan’s head whipped up and stared at you with his mouth open. these were the texts between you two.

“yes, you big, slow dummy. i would love for you to be mine because i’ve been yours since forever.”

so, yes. taesan did catch a break. he caught the biggest break of his life. you.

bonus moment!

“do you have the lecture notes from today?” you asked, drinking the lukewarm soup. taesan rubbed the back of his neck, nervously laughing. “i… i couldn’t pay attention.” you lifted your eyebrow. “you couldn’t pay attention?” “i was worried about you,” he murmured, looking away from you. he heard soft rumbles and peaked over when they became full-on laughs. you hid your face in your hands before looking at him with the same brilliant smile he became infatuated with. “i guess we’ll have to rewatch the lecture together.”

disclaimer: this, in no way, reflects the idol. this is purely fiction. ✧ comments and reblogs are appreciated! ✧ give my other works a read too! you may now leave requests (˶ˆᗜˆ˵)

you looked the way jaehyun dropped down beside you, in between the couple that was making out. he smelled clean though you could clearly see he was sweating from the heat of the party.

he leaned back into the couch, looking at you with one arm stretched along the backrest, not around you, just there. you took another sip from your cup, looking at jaehyun over the edge of it.

it burned, not the drink but his gaze.

"having fun?" he asked, leaning into your ear to whisper.

you thanked whoever set the lights red because you could feel your cheeks grow pink by the way his lips brushed your ear. "yeah." you said, but being honest, you didn't even know how to feel right now.

jaehyun hummed softly, like he could tell. he didn't move away after whispering, his shoulder pressed against yours, his arm still stretched behind you along the back of the couch. close enough that it felt almost on purpose.

you heard someone laughing behind the couch, the couple next to him shifting as they kept kissing, completely unbothered. jaehyun glanced at them and then up and down at your face, the corner of his mouth twitched up.

"wanna go somewhere quieter?" he asked, casual, like he wasn't asking something that made your chest flutter.

you bit your lower lip hesitantly, then exhaled before you nodded.

he stood first, offering you his hand like it was the most natural thing to do between friends. you took it as easily though, fingers curling around his no matter the new yet familiar feeling. he took you upstairs, passing by rooms you knew by heart.

he stopped just outside his bedroom door, hesitating for half a second before pushing the door open.

inside, it was quieter. warmer thanks to the ac he'd left on. the music was distant now, muffled through the walls. he leaned back against the door after closing it, running a hand through his silky hair.

you sat on the edge of his bed, placing your cup on his nightstand as you took a quick glance around his overall room. it looked exactly like you remembered, but still a little older. "thankfully cleaner." you thought and couldn't help to smile.

jaehyun smiled too, a little confused, as he sat beside you on the bed. the mattress dipped slightly under his weight, bringing you closer than you really wanted.

"why are you smiling?" he asked softly, glancing between your face and the small grin you were absentmindedly wearing.

you shrugged, suddenly self conscious. "I don't know. I was just thinking how weird it is."

"weird how?" jaehyun shifted beside you, bringing you even closer.

"how this room looks the same, but not–" you gestured vaguely around you. "I feel like I missed a phase or something."

he let out a quiet laugh at that, looking around as well. "I mean– you kinda did. you didn't talk to me for like two years."

you looked at him then, really looked at him. the soft moonlight coming from his window caught his face just right, shadows tracing features you'd known forever. and yet, something in your chest tightened in a way it never had before.

when did he start looking like this?

"what?" he asked, almost shy.

"nothing," you said quickly. you exhaled. "I just...I didn't realise how much you've changed."

he tilted his head slightly, studying you in return. "you did too."

you pouted, caught off guard. "me?"

"yeah." he smiled, small but honest. "you're not the same either."

the space between you felt smaller by now, like it had been slowly shrinking without either of you noticing. your knees brushed and you could feel his breath close enough to your neck as you looked down at your knees.

"I used to think about texting you sometimes," he admitted suddenly, eyes dropping down to you guys' knees too. "but I never knew what to say."

you turned your head to look at him, your chest tightening at the way his eyes shined. "me too."

silence settled between you, heavier now, loaded with everything you hadn't said back then. jaehyun looked up again, searching your face like he was trying to read you.

he let out a breath that sounded like relief, his shoulders easing a little. his knee shifted, brushing yours again.

"I'm glad you came tonight," he said, voice low. "I don't think I would've said any of this out loud otherwise."

your heart skipped at his comment. "me neither."

the silence that followed wasn't empty. it felt full. full of unsent messages, missed years, and the familiarity of knowing someone so well to then realise you didn't anymore. jaehyun leaned closer, slow enough that you had time to stop him if you wanted to.

he didn't touch you yet. he just hovered there, close enough that you could feel a soft linger of his lips against your cheek.

"tell me if I'm reading this wrong, please." he murmured.

you met his eyes after a while of looking at his lips. you saw the same nervous hope mirrored in his eyes, and shook your head.

that was all the permission he needed.

he leaned in the rest of the way, tentative at first, lips brushing yours like he was testing the moment. the kiss was soft, almost careful, like he didn't want you to break. when you kissed him back, just a little more sure, he smiled into it without pulling away.

his hand came to rest lightly at your waist, feeling the cold of his hand even through your sweater.

when you finally pulled back, your foreheads touched. jaehyun laughed softly, barely more than a breath.

you barely had time to smile before he leaned in again, this time with less hesitation. the kiss deepened naturally, like he'd figure out the rhythm by now, like he wasn't afraid to cross that invisible line anymore. his lips moved against yours with quiet confidence, slow but intense, and you felt it all the way down your spine.

you shifted closer without thinking, resting your hand on his thigh for steadiness. jaehyun noticed, and his hand tightened just slightly at your waist. the kiss lingered, unhurried. when you pulled apart to breathe, he didn't pull away, his lips brushing the corner of your mouth, then your jaw. you inhaled softly, fingers curling into his jeans.

"tell me if I should stop." he murmured, his voice growing lower, darker.

you shook your head, heart racing faster. "don't."

jaehyun smiled against the skin of your neck, breath warm. "you were really distracting tonight."

you rolled your eyes, even if your face burned. "you're the one to talk." you said as you took his face between your hands.

you brushed your thumbs lightly along his jaw. god, you wanted to do this for so long. he leaned into your touch instinctively, eyes fluttered shut for just a second before opening again.

"don't look at me like that." you murmured, pouting softly.

"like what?" he smirked.

"like that!" you let out a breathy laugh.

he suddenly leaned once again to your lips without hesitation. the kiss was slower, deeper. your mouths fitting together like you'd done this before in some other lifetime. his hand slid a little higher at your waist, thumb pressing lightly, while the other rested on the bed beside you.

jaehyun smiled against the kiss once again before his lips traced down your jaw again, slower this time, lingering like he was memorising the feeling. you tilted your head without thinking, giving him more space, fingers starting to play with the hem of his shirt.

his breath hitched, making a sound you never heard coming from him.

he went back to kiss your cheek, resting his forehead against yours again. "we should probably–" he started, but the sentence died against your lips when you leaned in first this time.

jaehyun made a quiet sound of surprise before kissing you back, deeper than before if that was possible. his hand slid back from your waist to the curve before your ass, pulling you even closer to him until your chests brushed.

you gasped into the kiss when you ran out of air, but instead of stopping you kept going.

your fingers slipped into his curly hair, nails grazing his scalp, and jaehyun groaned softly into your mouth. the sound pooling deep in you.

he kissed you like he'd been holding back for years.

his mouth trailed briefly to your jaw, then back to your lips, and you chased him without thinking, laughing softly at your eagerness.

"god," he murmured, hiding his face in between the crook of your neck, holding down the hem of your sweater. he looked at you, asking for permission when–

knock knock knock

you both jolted.

"jaehyun!" sohee's voice came through the door, urgent. "open up!"

jaehyun groaned straight into your shoulder, wishing he'd just disappear if he ignored him hard enough.

"what?" he called back, his hands still around you.

"your parents just pulled into the driveway."

jaehyun froze. then pulled back, eyes wide at you as if it was your fault.

"fuck."

you burst out of laughing, immediately clapping a hand over your mouth as you threw yourself into the mattress.

"wait– dude, are you with a girl!?" sohee suddenly asked after hearing you, and you tried so hard not to laugh once again.

he nudged your knee, warning you to shut up. "no!" his voice cracked, ridiculously trying to deny it. "I'm coming! don't let them in!" jaehyun stood up, subtly adjusting his jeans and tugging his shirt down.

he turned back at you, the moonlight hitting his face in a way you could see the blush across his face and ears. "we're absolutely not done."

you smirked, still trying not to laugh. "yeah?"

"yeah."

You couldn’t stop a smile from erupting on your face. The key to your heart was the simplest thing in the entire world: food, and Jaehyun knew this—and he often used this fact to its fullest potential. It didn’t really help that he’s your best friend, too, so he clearly knew what your favourites were. You weren’t exactly complaining, though. Jaehyun liked to tease you, and as compensation for making you a little pouty, he’d buy or offer you some food.

A win-win situation for seven-year-olds.

“Okay!” you agreed cheerfully. 

And that’s how you found yourself, happily munching on Pepero and chocolate churro chips on the way back to the playground from the store. Jaehyun walked next to you, holding a bunch of candy in his hands. 

You were munching on your snacks, and were just about to thank him for the Pepero when Jaehyun leaned in, stealing a big bite of the Pepero from your hand. 

You shrieked in shock, pouting after realising what had happened. 

“Jaehyun!” you whined, hitting his arm.

Jaehyun giggled. “You snooze, you lose,” he teased with a stupid grin. 

You crossed your arms, huffing. “Some best friend you are.”

Jaehyun’s grin immediately faltered. He quickly broke the chocolate chip cookie he was nibbling on in half, handing you the bigger piece. “Here. Best friends share, right?”

You eyed him rather suspiciously before taking it. “Fine. But you owe me for life.”

“How does that work?” Jaehyun asked, tilting his head slightly. 

“We’d have to be best friends forever,” you replied. The look on your face was enough to tell how serious you meant your words, even for a first grader. “That way, you can always buy me food every day.”

“What if… I won’t be here tomorrow?” Jaehyun asked. You immediately turned to him, confused. That wasn’t what you expected from him as an answer. 

You took a minute of munching through your chips for you to analyse Jaehyun’s doubtful expression. “What are you talking about? Don’t be silly,” you shoved his shoulder. “You’re always here.”

Jaehyun smiled, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Then, promise me—let’s be best friends,  no matter what happens.”

You paused, staring right into his eyes.  

Jaehyun looked at you, his face mixed with some kind of fondness and amusement. “Promise me, Sunshine?” he asked, holding out his pinky in a solemn promise. “Best friends forever.”

You returned his gaze, a smile forming on your face as you linked your pinky with his, sealing the promise without a second of hesitation. “Always.”

The words echoed in the air, and from the way the winds caressed your skin, it’s like the universe had taken note of your promise to each other. 

However, you were completely unaware that this would be the last day you’d spend with him. 

The next afternoon, after completing tasks that your mother had told you to do, you rushed to Jaehyun’s house—a few mere blocks away—with a bag of homemade cookies in hand. A big smile was painted across your face, you were excited to surprise Jaehyun with the sweet treats that you had baked with your mother last night. 

But something was wrong. 

The front yard, usually scattered with Jaehyun’s soccer balls and bicycles, was oddly empty. The windows were shut tight, and the driveway—where his father’s car was always parked—was vacant. 

You felt your heart thump hard against your chest. Your grip on the paper bag tightened, and you approached the front door. 

You knocked. 

Nothing. 

“Jaehyun?” 

You knocked again, harder this time. 

“Myungjae? It’s me, Y/N–”

“Sweetheart? Who are you looking for?” 

You turned towards the voice straight away. It was the old lady who lived next door, the one who always made sure to give you and Jaehyun a popsicle whenever you two passed by her house. She had a gentle yet unreadable smile on her face. You ran up to her, head spinning with a dozen questions. 

“Where’s Jaehyun?” you asked her. 

“My dear…” she began, her voice soft. “Jaehyun left early this morning.”

You blinked. The words were heavy, but you couldn’t understand what they meant. “Left? Where?”

“They moved away.”

Nothing made sense. Jaehyun moved? No one had said anything about moving. 

You looked back towards Jaehyun’s house, hoping that the door would swing open and that he would come running towards you, grinning like he always did. 

But he didn’t come. 

The house was quiet, empty. 

Your throat tightened. “But he promised to play. He said he would… stay.”

The lady kneeled in front of you, brushing a strand of hair away from your face. “I’m so sorry, my dear.”

You bit your lips, and you didn’t realise you were crying until you tasted salt on your lips. 

Later that evening, you had found yourself wandering back to the playground, the noisy chatter of kids playing around fading into the background. The paper bag still in hand, you walked around aimlessly. You could still hear Jaehyun’s laughter ringing in your ears, the sound of your footsteps blending with his as you two ran around. 

Jaehyun was gone.

And he didn’t even say goodbye. 

You sat down at a bench overlooking the playground where the two of you always played, staring at the place where you both had linked pinkies and made a promise. A promise you had believed in with all your heart.

A promise that, it seemed, only you remembered.

“I’LL see you after school, sweetie,” your father says into your hair. You set your lips into a line, nodding timidly. 

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” your mother asks, appearing from behind your father. “We can always accompany you to school–”

“Darling,” your father reminds your mother by putting a gentle hand on her arm. “Our Y/N will be fine. She’s almost eighteen now, I’m sure she can handle it all.” 

You give your parents a reassuring smile before walking away, each step bringing you uncomfortably away from home.

The morning felt weird, anyway. You’re here, in a new school, in a state you’ve never set foot to before. The air here feels like a heavy fog, clinging to your chest as you stand in front of the towering school building. You could feel the weight of an agonising unknown pressing down on you. It’s a sensation that you could never get used to, despite the sun peeking through the clouds, and the bustling cacophony of students around you. You stand at the gates, fingers tightly grasping the straps of your backpack. You take a deep breath, remembering your mother’s advice to help overcome your nerves. 

You walk into your new school, the new feeling of being somewhere so unfamiliar enveloping you. It feels different from the school you left behind—the campus is bigger here, the hallways seemed endless and much wider, and each turn made you feel like you’re lost in a looping maze. They even have a separate building for the library.

You find your footsteps slowing down as you reach the middle of the common area, unsure of where you should go. Your eyes dart here and there, desperately trying to find some kind of clue that could help you. 

You had always been the quiet one, preferring to keep to yourself, listening more than you talked, the one that often found herself slipping to the background of a party and corner of classrooms. Currently surrounded by boisterous students, each seeming to know what they’re doing, you feel slightly overwhelmed. The school map you opened on your phone suddenly feels too complicated for you to understand. 

Suddenly, something solid crashes against the back of your head, causing you to stumble forward, the impact hard enough to make the books you’re holding fall to the ground. 

“Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry!”

You turn to reply, but find your words stuck in your throat. 

A tall guy in a basketball jersey stands before you, his hair tousled in an athletic tangle. He picks up the ball—the solid object that hit the back of your head a moment ago—and scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. He gives you a sheepish smile, trying his best to convey how sorry he is—but you’re too focused on his sharp features and messy brown hair. It’s all too familiar. 

Myung Jaehyun. 

Before you could say anything, he leans down and picks up your books. He hands them to you, a charming smile replacing whatever backward expression he had earlier. “Careful there, newbie,” he says, teasing. “Wouldn’t want to be trampled on your first day here, no?”

You take your books from him, dazed. 

He doesn’t recognise you. 

You watch as he jogs back to his friends, spinning the orange ball in his hands. You stand there, exactly where he left you, unsure of what to do next. 

YOU’RE sitting alone at lunch, perfectly at peace with your packed lunchbox. You sit quietly, not wanting to stand out. This is your first day at a completely new school, and the last thing you want is to make yourself the centre of attention. 

Unfortunately, fate had written that this was your first mistake. 

You’re about to enjoy your lunch in the comfort of solitude, a figure that you didn’t expect to see, again, slips into the seat in front of you.

“Hey, newbie,” you hear Jaehyun say as he takes a seat. “Eating alone?”

You simply nod, not knowing what to say. 

“So, um,” Jaehyun finds himself stuttering after not receiving a reply from you. “You’re the new student, right? That explains the self-introduction in class just now.”

You nod again. Seeing the pitiful look on his face, masked poorly by a confident demeanor, you decide to reply. “Yes. I just moved here.”

Jaehyun’s face lights up like a lightbulb. 

“I’m Jaehyun, if you didn’t know that,” he grins. “I’m in your homeroom! My seat is behind you.”

You noticed that, of course. Who wouldn’t recognise someone whose laugh echoed throughout the room, brightening the atmosphere like the rays of a bright spring morning?

You give him a small smile. 

“Your seatmate, Sanghyeok, is my friend! He told me you seemed… er, lonely,” he hesitates for a while, “so I came up with a genius plan,” Jaehyun reveals with a grin that you’re a bit too familiar with. 

He’d always flash that big smile towards you whenever he wanted to propose a plan, but didn’t really want to take credit for it, in case it was a little too ridiculous. 

“What is it?” you reply. 

“We should be friends,” Jaehyun responds, and your eyes widen almost immediately. 

What does he mean by that?

Your heart begins to race, not just because you’re shocked to see Jaehyun, who was once the most important person in your life, after so many years—but from the fact that he naturally is taking charge, like it’s the easiest thing in the world. Like it came to him with no hesitation. 

“It’s all good! I talked to my friends—Sanghyeok, Sungho, Yoona and Minji—about this, and they all seem pretty cool about it.”

“Oh,” is all you’re able to manage. Everything is moving a little too briskly, and you’re feeling a bit dizzy from how fast things are escalating. 

You feel your brain short-circuiting. 

Just like that?

No hesitation? No ‘wait, Y/N? Is that you?’? No recognition?

You swallow hard. 

“Thank you?” you say, wary. You take a small bite of your sandwich. “I appreciate it.”

“Of course,” Jaehyun beams, and as if on cue, he waves towards a group of people behind you. You turn around, eyes slightly bulging at the way Jaehyun’s friends are quickly approaching your table. You recognise Sanghyeok, naturally, and the girl with a bubbly smile that you assume would be Yoona, but the rest of his friends are new faces for you. 

Jaehyun barely left any room for you to process anything. 

As quickly as they came, the air begins to smell like snacks and sports equipment—a strangely uplifting scent. 

“Guys, meet Y/N!” Jaehyun announces as soon as his friends arrive, putting away their things. “She’s the new kid I told you guys about.”

You look at him for a few seconds. 

Jaehyun is beaming with a smile, and the way he introduced you with such confidence, like you’ve been best friends since forever, makes your heart thump in a weird way.

“Wow, that was fast,” the tall, broad shouldered boy comments, whistling playfully. “Already claiming her as one of us?”

Jaehyun puffs his chest out. “Of course, I have a talent for spotting good people–”

“Hi, nice to meet you, Y/N,” Yoona quickly says, rolling her eyes at Jaehyun. She takes the empty seat next to you. “We’re in the same homeroom. My name is Im Yoona.”

You give her a polite smile. 

A girl with sharp eyes and an amused smile displayed on her face slips into the seat next to Yoona. “So, did he actually ask if you’d like us to sit with you, or did he have you sit here unwillingly?”

You hesitate. “Unwillingly…?”

“Shut up, Minji,” Jaehyun grumbles as the entire group bursts into laughter. 

“That’s Jaehyun for you,” Sanghyeok, your desk mate, says to you. He then gives you a warm smile, just like earlier. “Do you like how KOZ Academy is so far?”

You take a little bite out of your sandwich. “It’s fine. I like how big the campus is.”

“That’s what I always brag about this school,” Minji, who’s been quiet for a while, adds in. The smile on her face is relaxed. “I’ve been here since freshman year, and I still can’t fathom the way we have a swimming pool and tennis courts.”

You nod enthusiastically, recalling how you did see the facilities she mentioned in the school map. 

“Speaking of that, should we give the newbie a tour of the school?” Jaehyun suggests, his face lightening up with excitement. He barely swallows his food as he’s giving you a bright, friendly grin. 

“You speak of her like she’s not in front of you,” the tall boy sighs. He turns to you, smiling apologetically. “I’m sorry. Y/N, isn’t it? I’m Sungho.”

You nod. “Yeah. Nice to meet you.”

“Do you want us to give you a tour of the school?” Yoona asks. She gestures to Jaehyun. “Don’t worry, this dumbass won’t be in charge of it.”

“Hey!” Jaehyun exclaims. 

“You’ll just show her the boring parts of school,” Minji chimes in. 

Jaehyun makes a bewildered expression. “I will not–!”

“Remember the time when Sanghyeok first came to this school? You showed him all the unnecessary classrooms that you didn’t have time to show him where the lunch card machine is,” Sungho adds, laughing.  

Jaehyun rolls his eyes. He passes you a snack. “You’re all so dramatic. Anyway,” he says, shifting his gaze to you. “Don’t mind them, Y/N. You’re welcome here—just sit back and relax.”

You nod, suddenly hyper aware of the fact that it’s the only reaction you’re able to give them so far. You’re not so sure that you’re able to relax when all these new faces have their eyes on you, but surprisingly, their energy isn’t too bad. It’s welcoming, bustling with a friendly spirit. It’s uncomfortable, sure, but it’s not unkind. 

Jaehyun passes you another snack he grabbed from Sanghyeok’s stash, and something in your chest begins to warm. 

Maybe it’s not too bad at all. 

THE next day feels like a dream. 

You arrive at school pretty early, and much to your surprise, you’re greeted warmly by Yoona, who also happens to arrive at the same time as you. She hops off the bus and jogs towards you, catching up to you as soon as you park your bicycle. 

“Good morning, Y/N,” she smiles at you. 

You mirror her expression. “Good morning.”

“It’s still early… Do you want to go to the common area?” Yoona suggests. “I’m sure the rest will already be there.”

You simply nod. “Cool. Let’s go.”

Yoona links her arm with yours, and together, you walk towards the common area. It’s bustling and loud despite it being only half past seven. Most of the energy radiates from Jaehyun and his group of friends: the boys are tossing a basketball up and down—even though they’re clearly indoors, and they shouldn’t be playing with a ball inside. Minji sits on the sofa nearby, leaning back as she lazily reads through a novel, completely unbothered with the ruckus around her. 

As soon as you arrive, Yoona puts her bag down, sitting down next to Minji and they both begin chatting about whatever topic that comes to mind. You, however, aren’t used to this kind of energy—fast-paced, full of jokes and friendly banter. You sit at the edge of the sofa, unsure of how you’d insert yourself into the conversation. 

Jaehyun, on the other hand, is thriving. As always. 

“Bet I can make the shot from here,” he brags, crumpling a snack wrapper in his hands. He gestures to the trash can, located at the far corner of the room. 

“No way,” Sungho scoffs. “That’s, like, ten feet away.”

“You’re all talk, MJ,” Sanghyeok chimes in, laughing. 

Jaehyun smirks, turning to you. “Yo, new kid. Believe in me?”

You meet his eyes, blinking profusely. “Uh…” 

The group laughs, and Jaehyun gives you an exaggerated gasp. He puts a hand over his chest in a dramatic manner. “Wow. The hesitation? I’m hurt.”

“Well–” you say, pausing. You’re unsure if you should say what your thoughts really are, or if you should play it safe. You bit your lip, suddenly feeling self-conscious of the way you’re sitting.

“You’ll miss, definitely,” you quietly mumble. 

For a second—one that felt way too long—Jaehyun stares. 

Then, he throws his head back, laughing his lungs out. “Yo, she’s got a bite! I like her.”

You gape at him, not knowing what to respond to the grin he flashed at you amidst his loud laughter. Your face begins to burn, but the others are nodding in approval.

“Good job,” Minji pats your shoulder. “You’re keeping him humble.”

Sanghyeok hands you a juice box, grinning like his gesture is a kind of initiation. “You’re officially one of us.”

You hesitate, but eventually accept it. 

“Told you you’d fit right in,” Jaehyun says, nudging your side as he grins. 

And just like that, you find yourself smiling back. 

YOU’RE not sure if it’s just you, or it’s that Jaehyun does not remember you at all. It has been quite a long time, you admit that, but you don’t think that it’s reasonable for someone to completely forget someone so important, no matter how long you’ve been without them.

So, for the following weeks, you decided to test the waters, to see if Jaehyun truly did forget you, that if you’re just a passing memory in his childhood. 

“Jaehyun!” you exclaim, running up to the soccer court. The boy perks up, his eyes lightening up as he watches you jog up to him. He was scrolling animatedly on his phone, but when he heard his name being called by you, whatever that he was interested in was tossed aside. 

“Are you done with soccer?” you ask, panting slightly. 

Jaehyun nods. 

“What’s up, newbie?” he then grins, wiping off his sweat using the towel hanging around his neck. 

You cringe slightly at the nickname. “I have a name, you know.”

Jaehyun laughs, rubbing the back of his neck. “Sorry, Y/N. What’s wrong though?”

“Nothing,” you reply. You then rummage through your backpack, bringing out a bunch of strawberry fruit roll-ups. You give Jaehyun a small smile before handing them to him. “Here, I thought you’d want them after practice.”

Jaehyun beams, delightfully grabbing the candies. He opens one of them, and when he’s about to put it in his mouth, he pauses mid-action. His eyes turn straight to you, looking fixedly into your gaze. “Wait.” 

You bite the bottom of your lips, trying to contain yourself. 

“What?”

“How’d you know I like these?”

Your eyes bulge slightly, and you quickly purse your lips together to mask a smile. You knew Jaehyun liked these—ever since you started being friends with him, he had made it clear that he liked everything and anything that tastes like strawberries. You remember spending a lot of time in your childhood, trying the various breeds of strawberry, as well as strawberry candies and snacks that Jaehyun had shared with you; and over time, you just naturally knew specifically what he liked.

And turns out, the five foot seven inches high school senior that’s standing in front of you with a baffled expression on his face still does like strawberry flavoured things. 

He is the Myung Jaehyun that your heart holds dear, even after so many years. 

You shrug. “Just a feeling.”

Jaehyun places the fruit roll-up in his mouth, his gaze still trained on you. In his eyes, you can see that he’s questioning your words. But as the candy melts in his mouth, the doubt begins to dissipate, and his charming smile reappears. 

“Thank you,” Jaehyun’s grin twinkles. He grabs another candy and pops it into his mouth.

“These things are crazy—I can’t get enough of how good they taste!” he begins to chatter as he packs his things, his movement as swift as the speed of the words coming out of his mouth. When he’s done, he stands up straight and looks towards you, the expression in his eyes cheerful and full of energy. 

“Let’s go?” Jaehyun prompts. 

You adjust your backpack’s straps on your shoulders. “Go… where?”

“Home?” Jaehyun replies, perching up his eyebrow. He looks at you like you’ve asked the dumbest question he’s ever heard. “You live in my neighbourhood, don’t you? I always see you cycling home from the grocery store on Saturdays.” 

You hesitate. 

The fact that you do live in the same neighbourhood as Jaehyun does is bothering you in ways you’d never thought it would. It reminds you of the painful separation you faced in your early years of life, and to be hit with such a strong déjà vu years later, you’re not sure if you can handle it. 

Seeing you waver, Jaehyun wears his bag on one shoulder, putting his other arm around you. Your shoulder tense, feeling weird at how he’s so completely at ease with you, like he’s grown up with you for years. 

“It’s okay, Y/N,” he says, his voice oddly absent from the cocky confidence he usually wears. Instead, his voice is comfortingly firm. “C’mon, let’s walk home together.”

As he walks with you to the school gate, the warmth of him being close to you makes your heart ache in ways that are alarmingly familiar. 

IT’S been a few weeks of you trying to execute your attempts at making Jaehyun remember you. But, of course, your efforts decided to fail you. It’s annoying—the way he’s obviously out there treating you like you’re the greatest friend he’s ever had, yet whenever you bring up an old joke or an old nickname that you used to call him, he puts on this confused face that makes you want to slap him and yourself. 

One day, during an afternoon study session, you and your friends had pushed your desks together to mug up upon your studies. You were seated between Yoona and Sanghyeok, and directly in front of you was Jaehyun. 

Tired of solving math problems, you began watching Jaehyun solve a math problem, leaning over his desk. His brows were furrowed deeply, showing how tricky the math problem was. And you notice one thing. 

He was subconsciously sticking out the tip of his tongue slightly. It clicked inside your head, and a roll of memories came playing into your sight. His habit is still the same—exactly like he used to when the two of you were playing jigsaw puzzles. 

You snorted to yourself. “You still do that?” you whispered to yourself. 

However, your whisper was loud enough for your friends to catch. “Do what?” Yoona asked, perking up from her physics homework. 

Her question pulled the entirety of Jaehyun’s attention, and his eyes were locking with yours at once. He had a questioning look on his face, and he didn’t say anything, waiting for you to answer. 

Your eyes widened, and you immediately shook your head. “Nothing,” you stammered, looking away as you bit the inner corner of your cheek.

A few days after that, you were sitting on the bleachers of your school’s soccer field, your homework sprawled over your lap. Jaehyun had made you and the girls come over to watch him, Sungho, and Sanghyeok play soccer at the field. You and Minji didn’t want to at first, but Yoona saw it with a positive note—you were sick of studying at the library every afternoon, so studying at the field could be a nice change. 

It was a windy November afternoon, and autumn was giving way to winter, so every single gush of wind felt like a harsh bite to the skin. You squinted, trying to do your homework as you fought with the wind and the coldness it brought along. You’re not too interested in sports, and it didn’t help that you got there when the match was already halfway through, so you didn’t understand a thing that was going on. 

One thing for sure is that it was quite an intense match. 

“I’m not sure if this was a good idea,” Minji muttered. She shoved her hair into her coat, zipping it up. “My hair is flying everywhere and I can’t even see Sanghyeok. How am I supposed to do anything?”

“Sanghyeok, huh?” Yoona laughed. “You can see them a bit—see, look!” she exclaimed, pointing at the slightly smaller figure of the boys, fiercely in their game. “Sungho and Jaehyun’s about to score!”

Hearing that, you immediately looked up from your homework, your attention officially snatched away from the assignment. You watched intently as the game progressed: Sungho, with the ball in his control, dodged a tackle, swiftly running through the field before powerfully passing the ball towards Jaehyun, who effortlessly scores their winning goal. 

It’s a friendly match between your school’s soccer team and another school, but the celebration that roared through was something else. 

Sanghyeok pulled Jaehyun and Sungho into a bear hug, ruffling both their heads. You heard Jaehyun’s victorious laughs and screams echoing around the air. You smiled.

Soccer has always been one of his passions, and seeing him flourish in it makes your heart bloom in ways you never imagine it would. 

You were proud of him, and it’s a refreshing feeling that you never got to feel years ago, when seven-year-old Jaehyun was telling you all about his soccer dreams. 

After freeing himself from Sanghyeok, Jaehyun ran up to the bleachers. Much to your surprise, he was headed straight to you. He came up to you with a pleasant grin, his face flushed with sweat. 

“Hey, I did it,” he said, breathless. He brought his hand out for a high-five. 

And before you could even think, you stood up and clasped his hand in the old secret handshake from your childhood with him. It came to you like second nature—you couldn’t even stop yourself. 

Jaehyun stiffened, his hand still clasped around yours. 

You were equally as shocked as he is. 

Why did you even do that? 

And what was that reaction?

However, Jaehyun was quick to react—he laughed it off, quickly redoing it into a normal high-five. He gave you another grin before turning away to chug water, leaving you confused and unconvinced. 

Now, you’re not too sure that Myung Jaehyun actually forgot you. 

This theory was drilled into your head even more after another incident or two. 

It was a random Tuesday, where Jaehyun had dragged you and the girls to accompany him to do soccer drills at the field with his team. 

“Remind me why we need to do this again,” Minji grumbled, slumping against the seat. 

Yoona sighed, stifling back a grin. “Because MJ said so.”

“I don’t understand! Why can’t we just wait for them at the library? We need to study anyway,” Minji complained, stomping her feet in frustration a few times. 

“They probably just need some moral support,” you chimed in, watching absentmindedly as Jaehyun is making his team run around the field. 

“They’re seniors already, they should be done with all this,” Minji huffed. 

Yoona shrugged. “You know how they are with soccer.”

“Absolute maniacs,” Minji commented, shaking her head. 

You simply nodded and chuckled along to their conversation, eyes trained on Jaehyun coordinating his teammates in soccer training. The actions then became repetitive, and you quickly got bored. You stared off into space, zoning out. Then, without you realising, a soccer ball from a group of freshmen that were practicing near your seats came flying directly towards you. 

Before you could react, Jaehyun instinctively stepped in front of you, shielding you from the ball with his body. 

The ball bounced off him with a thud, and you gasped. You rushed towards him, Minji and Yoona following you from behind. 

“Jaehyun, are you okay?” you asked frantically. 

Jaehyun picked up the ball, turning slightly to give you a grin that tells you that he’s okay. “I’m okay!” he answered, flexing his bicep. “See?” 

And the memory hitted you like a truck—all this reminded you of the time when the two of you were kids, when Jaehyun would always stand in front of you during dodgeball insisting “you’re too small to get hit!”

A quiet gasp escaped between your lips. “You always do this,” you muttered. 

Jaehyun, who was about to walk back to his teammates after tossing the ball back to them, turned to you. “Do what?” he asked, tilting his head slightly. Your eyes narrowed—you could tell that he was feigning innocence. 

“Never mind,” you said, giving him a tight smile. Jaehyun nodded, and you watched him jog back to his teammates, carrying out the practice like usual, a million thoughts racing through your mind. 

He remembers. 

The next week, on a Thursday, you had just gotten back home from your after school Chemistry class—Jaehyun and his mother had dropped you off. After cleaning yourself up and changing into your pyjamas, you sat down at your desk, wanting to get some homework done before you ate dinner. 

Then, your phone pinged with a text notification from Jaehyun. 

hey sunshine

Are u done with the english hw? i wanna see how u did it

Sunshine. 

The nickname that Jaehyun used to love calling you when the two of you were kids, and used to live only a few houses away from each other back in your old neighbourhood. He used to call you that because, quoting him, your smile was as precious as the sunshine on a winter morning. You didn’t—and still don’t—genuinely smile often, but Jaehyun was one of the only people who could trigger it out of you with not too much effort. 

The nickname meant a lot to you. 

You stared at the message in a daze, and when you finally were about to reply, the text was gone. 

y/n, i meant

sorry

You held your hand against your chest, heart pounding like crazy. 

“What the hell was that?” you whispered to yourself. 

So he does remember. 

IT’S a Friday, and you’re sitting down at your desk, unable to focus your brain into another set of math problems. Instead, you sit there, pretending to read through your completed English essay while sneaking glances at Jaehyun. He’s laughing about something with Minji and Sungho, effortlessly conforming with his friends, flashing that same stupid grin that you’ve always remembered from your childhood. 

Your fingers curl around the edges of your desk. 

How could he look so familiar yet feels so distant like a stranger?

You desperately want to believe that he’s forgotten—too much time has passed. But deep down, you know that it doesn’t make sense. He’s too comfortable around you, too quick to include you too. He’s too at ease around you, especially for someone who’s apparently just met you for around two months. 

And the worst part? Your heart is still skipping a beat every time you look at him. Your heart still reacts the same way it did when you were kids—probably even more defined now—cheeks turning pink at his gestures, heart warming at his voice. 

This isn’t fair. Nothing is.

You watch as he ruffles Minji’s hair, annoying her by ruining her hair that she spent an entire morning trying to perfect. He laughs as she swats his hand away, hissing curses at his face. 

He used to do that to you. 

Your grip tightens. 

Maybe you’re just overthinking it. Maybe he really did forget, after all. 

But you can’t just get it out of your head—the way Jaehyun treats you, the small, fleeting glances and the way he easily includes you in every conversation he has and everything he does. It makes you doubt yourself. 

And why do you even care so much?

You turn away, biting your lip. It’s stupid. Everything is just so dumb—you shouldn’t be jealous or feeling worked up about some boy that happened to still be the most important part of your life even after so many years. You shouldn’t even bother yourself with something that happened years ago. You know you shouldn’t hold on to memories that you’re not even sure he still held. 

But you are.

And that fact alone is making you despise everything.

BY the end of the day, you’re lazily packing your bag after the last bell rang. You’re drained after an entire week of classes and endless assignments, and you don’t know if you can survive your after school Math class. Beside you, Sanghyeok is also packing his bag—but he’s doing so at a much faster pace than you are. He gives you an acknowledging smile, a piece of bread in his mouth, before walking out of the classroom. 

“MJ, are we going to the extra football practice coach said we’d have earlier?” Sungho asks, stacking his books into an organised pile before sliding them into his bag. 

Jaehyun looks up from his phone, humming. “Yeah, I’ll go. I’m the captain—can’t miss any sessions, can I?”

Sungho nods in agreement, but before he could say anything in return, Jaehyun’s focus is already shifted to you. 

You’re packing your bag slowly, as if by doing that, you’re able to avoid going to your after school class. You zip your backpack close, feeling someone’s gaze boring into you. You look up, turning towards the source of the tingling sensation. 

“Going home already?” Jaehyun asks, an idle grin displayed on his face. 

You slip your arms into your puffed coat. “Yeah,” you nod, “I have extra class.”

“Let me walk you home,” Jaehyun says, zipping his bag shut smoothly. He swings it over his back. 

“Jaehyun, we have practice,” Sungho reminds. He’s already at the door, gesturing with his chin. 

Jaehyun swats his hand, without even looking at his friend. “It’s fine—you can go first.”

As Sungho leaves with a sigh, Jaehyun grins at you. “C’mon. Let’s stop for some tteok skewers while we’re at it too.”

You stare at him, eyes unblinking. 

Is he being serious? Why is he always insisting on walking you home? Doesn’t he realise what his actions are doing to you? 

Your frown begins to deepen as you recall Jaehyun’s treatment of you ever since you transferred to KOZ Academy: always next to you, effortlessly handing you snacks and drinks—specifically the ones you always preferred, always seeming to prioritise you over everything else that he has; walking you home, buying you food as often as possible, and all the other little things that made your heart somersault. 

You don’t want any of this. 

You don’t like how conscious you are of yourself whenever he’s around. You don’t like how he makes you feel like you’re the most important person in this world. You don’t like how he makes you all smiles—you despise the way he easily brings you out of your shell. 

You clench your fists. 

This is ridiculous. You are being ridiculous. 

Jaehyun has been nothing but very kind and welcoming to you since you first came here. He has included you, so naturally nothing seemed awkward or forced. He introduced you to his friends, and they were all so welcoming you feel like you’ve been friends for ages. He treated you like any other classmate, normal and friendly. 

And that is the problem. 

Because you know that, to Jaehyun, you’re just like any other person here. You’re just a normal classmate. Not the girl who used to braid flowers into his hair as the two of you talked under the shade of the oak tree, chatting your afternoon away. Not the girl that he used to enthusiastically greet every day, eager to share his strawberries. Not the girl that he swore he’d never leave behind. 

You know you mean as much to him as much as his other friends do. You know that his stomach doesn’t do this funny dance whenever you’re around. You know that his cheeks don’t become warm whenever he hears your voice. You know he doesn’t look forward to seeing you every day, like it’s one of the only things that keep him going. 

Your throat burns with this feeling. It’s stupid. You hate whatever’s going on—the faint sliver of hope that Jaehyun just might remember you after all. Maybe he was just pretending. 

But for what?

Because everytime you look into his eyes, you don’t see the Jaehyun you cherished with your entire heart. All you see is someone, still the same Myung Jaehyun, who had long since moved on. 

You’re fine on your own. You know that. You’ve always been. 

You’ve always been by yourself, you didn’t realise how fun and fulfilling it’d be when there’s a special someone in your life. 

When Jaehyun left with no warning ten years ago, you had thought it was the end of the world. You had put yourself through the painful process of moving on, of finally accepting that maybe Jaehyun wasn’t meant to be yours forever all along. 

But then, Jaehyun reappeared. He made his way back into your life, a decade later, as smoothly as the way he first introduced himself to you as a four year old. 

Yet he had the audacity to treat you like you’re a new friend. 

You close your eyes for a quick moment, trying to suppress all the memories that are rushing back into your head. 

“C’mon, Y/N, you’ll be late for your class,” Jaehyun says, tapping your shoulder. It brings you back to reality, and without realising, you’re staring sharply at him with that alarming sensation of tears collecting in your eyes. 

Jaehyun, of course, is quick to notice this. His grin fades into a frown. “What’s wrong? A-are you sick?”

You inhale sharply, taking your bag. “No,” you say, slowly shaking your head. “Nothing’s wrong.”

“Okay,” you hear Jaehyun quietly responding as you walk past him. You walk out of the classroom and into the hallways, too tired to even stop Jaehyun from following you. You let him accompany you to the after school tuition centre in town, silently waving him goodbye as you watch him cycle back to school. 

You turn around, sighing. 

YOU know you’re about to hit the end of your patience. 

Your school is hosting a winter festival, organised by juniors and sophomores, a few days before winter break. It’s fun when you think about it, but not as much when you’re paired with Jaehyun for a game. 

The school courtyard is bustling with students, all bundled up in wooly scarves, mittens and puffy jackets, gathered together at the booths set up for your school’s winter festival. The ground is carpeted with white, fresh snow, and a large part of it had transferred into a battlefield for snowball fights, complete with stacks of hay, snowbanks, and random objects as forts. 

“Sorry Y/N,” Yoona says, setting her lips into an apologetic line. 

You shook your head, sighing. Everyone is already paired up with each other—Minji with Sanghyeok, Yoona with Sungho—and you’re left with Jaehyun for the snowball game. You look at Jaehyun, who looks very eager. 

“You’re with me, Y/N!” he exclaims, sliding his arm around your shoulders. His smile is bright and, as much as you didn’t like it, it makes you smile too. 

“So we’re going to draw some sticks and see which teams are going to go against each other,” Jihyeon, one of the juniors in charge of the snowball game booth, says as she comes up to you and your friends. 

“You can go first,” you say to Minji, and she nods. 

She reaches her hand in the cup Jihyeon is holding out, and pulls out a random popsicle stick. The edge of it is coloured red. 

“It’s red?” she asks, a little confused. 

Jihyeon smiles. “That means you’ll be competing against another team who pulled out a red stick!”

“That’s us!” Jaehyun, who’s standing next to you, suddenly exclaims. He holds a red popsicle stick in his hand. You turn to him, slightly surprised. You didn’t even realise he had been picking a popsicle stick for the two of you. 

“You don’t mind me picking for us… Do you?” he whispers to you. You give him a small smile before shaking your head. 

“I don’t mind.”

You and Jaehyun are going against Minji and Sanghyeok for the snowball game, while Yoona and Sungho are fighting against another pair of seniors. Jihyeon gave each team five minutes to make as many snowballs as possible. You and Jaehyun worked your best to form the snowballs—you weren’t too good at handling cold snow, but Jaehyun seemed to be the best at it. 

“We’ll win this,” Jaehyun says to you, crouching down behind your side of the area. You crouch down next to him, awkwardly nodding. 

He smiles at you in reassurance, and some kind of positive energy fills you up. 

And before you could even process any of it, Jihyeon blows the whistle, indicating the start of your snowball fight. A chaos, made out of crazed giggles and snowballs crashing against bodies, begins to erupt, and you lose sight of Jaehyun in the middle of it.

Jaehyun is immediately in his element—his snickering laughter ringing through the school courtyard as he hurls snowballs at Minji and Sanghyeok. He ducks and dodges behind a snowbank, his chequered brown and red scarf flying behind him like a flag. 

You’re standing awkwardly behind a stack of hay tall enough to cover you, holding a snowball with both of your hands.  Jaehyun suddenly lands next to you, and as soon as he sees you, he tilts his head with a smirk. “Y/N,” he says loudly against the frenzy, “you’re supposed to throw the snowball, Sunshine, not hold on to it like a favourite teddy bear.” 

Jaehyun gives you a teasing grin before dashing off to hurl more snowballs towards Sanghyeok, triple the amount he just threw to his face moments ago.

You remain there, standing still. 

Sunshine? What was that? 

Your cheeks turn pink underneath your knitted scarf, and it’s hard to tell whether that was caused by the cold or from the way that Jaehyun’s grin made your heart flip. 

You watch as Jaehyun plays around in the snow, his giggles resonating around the air. You stand there, your heart thumping loudly in confusion. 

He definitely remembers. 

You absentmindedly take a step back, clutching the snowball in your hands harder, the stinging cold no longer bothering you. 

A second later, Jaehyun arrives next to you, almost slipping. He pants, and despite that, he’s still grinning joyfully. He locks his gaze with yours, and upon noticing your expression, his smile falters a little.

“Y/N?” Jaehyun asks, “are you okay? Why aren’t you playing?”

“‘Sunshine’,” you state plainly, eyes unblinking. “What was… that?”

Jaehyun freezes. He opens his mouth, but for a while, nothing comes out. He stares at you, something unreadable clouding his eyes. The wind blows at his messy hair, flopping against his forehead. 

“What are you talking about?” he asks, chuckling rather sheepishly. 

You narrow your eyes. You’re not letting this go. “Jaehyun,” you press on. “Answer me, Myungjae.”

Upon the nickname, his eyes widens.

Jaehyun hesitates, and for a while, it looked like he was about to give you the answer you desperately wanted. However, your hopes were crushed as a snowball from Minji came hurling towards your direction, crumbling upon impact against your hair. Jaehyun’s eyes widens, and his focus turns back to the snowball match.

“We have a minute left,” he says, rushingly grabbing several snowballs. He’s about to turn to Minji and Sanghyeok, wanting to throw more snowballs at them—but he pauses. He leans close, brushing snow out of your hair with his free hand. 

Your breath catches in your throat. A rush of warmth goes up your cheeks, despite the raging emotions and thoughts in your head. 

He’s too close. 

Jaehyun chuckles. After making sure all of the snow is gone, he ruffles your hair, trying his best to make it look okay again. “There,” he says, his voice low and comforting. “All good.”

You watch him turn his focus back to the snowball frenzy, unable to utter a word. You stare at him, his grin decorating his already handsome face. Your heart claws against your chest as you try your best to pull your eyes away from Myung Jaehyun, who looks too gorgeous with his brown hair adorned with sparkly snowflakes. 

You know he’s lying. You know he remembers. 

But why is he doing all this?

THE last bell of the day rings, the entire school erupts in a chatter of celebration. Students run out of their classrooms, walking out with their friends as they chat the rest of the day away. Several student council members are doing several of their last duties of the day, making sure that everything is perfect before leaving the school for a month. 

You’re at your locker, double-checking everything. You make sure to stuff your bag with things that you’re not too confident at leaving at school for a month—your chemistry textbook, the mirror that your old friends got you. You also made sure to replace the tape that’s holding up the polaroid pictures of you and your family, hoping that it’d stay up for longer this time. 

Your eyes linger around the polaroid of you and Jaehyun—taken at the young age of six. It was the first day of school, you vividly remembered. 

You used to look at that picture with a bittersweet, reminiscent feeling. You always used to look at that picture with some kind of hope that you’d meet Jaehyun one day. 

But now, you can’t do that anymore. 

You glance at Jaehyun’s direction, a few metres away from you. He’s at his locker with his friends, Ricky and Sungho. He’s laughing, as always, and he’s effortlessly blending in like he always did. He’s enjoying his time with his friends, like he didn’t just spend the last few months unknowingly ripping you into pieces. 

How could he be so carefree when you’re feeling like this?

You hate it. So much. 

Too much.

You hate how your chest aches whenever you catch Jaehyun looking at you, the way he looked at you like any other classmate, betraying the years you spent together. You hate how he seemed to have easily erased you from his past, like you meant absolutely nothing to him. You hate how he seemed to have forgotten you so heartlessly, when you have spent years holding onto him. 

But now, you can’t hold it in anymore. 

Jaehyun had finished his conversation with his friends, and now he’s walking towards you, tossing his ball up and down, flashing that same easygoing smile that had captured your heart—and something inside you snaps.

“Do you really not remember me?”

Jaehyun pauses, his eyes bulging and his footsteps halting. 

You didn’t mean to say it. 

You had spent weeks bottling it all up, second-guessing yourself amidst all the mixed signals. You constantly told yourself that it didn’t matter, that Jaehyun truly did forget you, and that it had been too long for him to even remember you as much as you remember him. 

You can’t just bottle it in any longer. 

Jaehyun blinks, clearly taken aback. “What?”

You exhale sharply. You can’t take it back anymore. “You really don’t remember me, do you?”

JAEHYUN bangs his head against his bedroom door, regretting every single thing he’s done. 

Why did he even do that?

After he said goodbye to Ricky, who was going on a winter vacation to Italy, he turned to you. He approached you, subconsciously having that same stupid lovesick grin that his lips somehow form whenever he’s around you. He’s walking towards you, like how he does it every other day.

Usually, you’d greet him with that adorable little smile of yours. 

But today, he was smothered with a menacing glare and a question that he doesn’t expect instead. 

“What are you talking about?” Jaehyun said, trying his best to sound innocent. He was unable to pry his gaze away from you, but he hoped that you didn’t catch the quiver in his eyes. 

You didn’t say anything for a while, and he watched as whatever emotions you had swirling in your beautiful eyes changed into a solid look of hurt and betrayal. 

Jaehyun felt his heart drop to the floor. 

It’s like everything stopped, and his stomach began to twist, the memories rushing back as they played through his mind like a broken film tape that he couldn’t stop from playing. 

“You really, really don’t remember me,” you said, quiet with a humongous amount of hurt. Your voice cracked, and Jaehyun’s heart began to crumble because of it. 

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about,” Jaehyun replied, forcing out the words as firmly as he possibly could. 

His words felt like acid on his tongue. Jaehyun had told this lie many times before, but today, it felt more painful than the others. But Jaehyun did it anyway, over and over again.

Because it’s easier than admitting the truth to you. It’s easier than having to acknowledge the feeling that’s twisting his heart, hurting his chest. 

You exhaled shakily, and for a second, Jaehyun swore that he could see through you—your eyes searching him, like you were finding the real Jaehyun, who had been the one that promised he’d be your rock until the end of time. 

And the fact that you still had that effect on him—making him feel like he’s on Cloud 9—after all these years, only made it worse for him. 

“You’re lying,” you snapped, your eyes starting to sparkle with unshed tears. Your voice began to rise with every word you uttered. “You do remember me. You remember everything. Don’t you?”

His heart began to thump loudly against his ribs. He had never seen you so worked up like this, he had never heard you raise your voice like this. 

Jaehyun stared into your eyes, the truth burning at the back of his throat. He hesitated, almost spitting it out. 

But in the end, he swallowed it. 

“I don’t get it, Y/N,” he countered, trying to sound confused. Though, it didn’t sound convincing, even to him. “Maybe we’ve met before, in-in the past, but I truly don’t remember anything.”

Your gaze stiffened, and the desperation in your expression faded. Jaehyun kept his guard strong—he couldn’t let you see him crack, even though the weight of your disappointment was heavy on him. 

Then, after a minute of silence that felt too long, you gave him a straight smile. 

“Okay,” you whispered. You slammed your locker close and immediately walked away, not giving Jaehyun a chance to say anything else. 

He wanted to chase after you. But he couldn’t. 

He watched you turn away, and as the doors closed behind you, he felt the loss crumbling upon him, heavy and unbearable. 

YOU’RE not even sure why you’re feeling like this, but you are angry. Upset. 

Who wouldn’t be, especially after witnessing the only person who made you feel truly understood shun you out, saying that he doesn’t remember you?

You didn’t really like leaving your messages unread and unreplied, but for the first time, you let your text channel with Jaehyun clog up. 

It’s the morning of Christmas, and you wake up to almost fifty new texts from Jaehyun alone. You don’t open any of them, but you couldn’t help but read some of it from the notifications bar. 

y/n, did i do something wrong?

y/n, are u okay?

y/n, i can’t believe u declined to go snowboarding 2gether yesterday. we had so much fun!!!

okay fine. i shouldn’t have used that tone

honestly it kinda sucked to not have u around

i know u’d like seeing the sunset from on top of the mountain

y/n i hope u’re eating well

y/n, did u go see the big christmas tree in the city centre? i’m in front of it rn. 

y/n. merry christmas. 

enjoy your day

You sigh, turning off your phone. It pained you, probably just a little bit, to ignore all of Jaehyun’s attempts to reach out to you. You did feel a bit sad that you’re missing out on fun plans that he wanted to do with you—but what could you possibly do? You know you’re not ready to face him without baring your teeth at him. 

You enjoy the day with your family, happy to see them after a long time, especially your cousins and grandparents. You ate a lot of good food, took a lot of pictures, played a lot of games with your nieces and nephews, and of course—exchanged many memorable moments and laughter with your family members. 

You were playing in the snow with your little cousins, your heart stinging a little. Not from the cold, but from the memory that you have associated with snowball fights—Jaehyun. There was something warm about hurling cold balls of snow that made the tips of your fingers red. Maybe it was because you were fond of the person smiling at you during that time, or maybe because the way snowball fights produce heartwarming laughter reminds you of the person that you’ve cherished for so long and how his laughter fills your heart with joy.

Your mother called you inside, and after shaking off all the snow from your coat, you joined everyone else for the gift unboxing time. You got many gifts from your family and friends alike, but when it came to the largest box addressed to you, you can’t help but feel a little pang in your heart. 

Who was it from? 

You flip the card attached to the gift, the world going completely silent for a second. Your eyes widen at the sight of Jaehyun’s name scribbled onto it, along with a short message. 

Merry Christmas. I hope you enjoy this.

“When… how did this get here?” the question escapes your mouth almost instantly, but you know that’s not what you really wanted to ask. 

“A boy came off to drop this just now, when you were playing in the backyard with the kids,” your aunt replies, handing you a piece of brownies. You put it in your mouth, chewing slowly as you try to process her words. “I asked him if he wanted to come in and talk to you, but he refused and ran away so quickly I didn’t have time to stop him.”

You merely nod, unable to say anything due to the heavy feeling pressing down your chest. Slowly, you rip the wrapping paper open, holding in a breath you know wasn’t necessary. 

You didn’t know what you expected. 

An apology letter, maybe. 

Or something that he remembered that you always liked. 

But instead of that, your hands are holding a gingerbread house kit and a store-bought Christmas card taped to it. 

Whatever hope you still had remaining for Jaehyun fades, and your jaw clenches. 

It’s time to stop. 

“LOOK, it’s Shinyu,” Yoona nudges you, giggling rather uncontrollably. You glance at his direction, a little wide eyed from how blatant her statement was. 

You’re walking with Yoona and Minji to your school’s library, located in the middle of campus grounds. You’re almost there, when you spot Junghwan—or more famously known as Shinyu, and his group of friends walking in the opposite direction. 

“Shush,” you whisper. “Why are you making this such a big deal?”

“‘Cause he’s such a gentleman, duh,” Yoona replies, deadpanned. Though, that kind of expression on her face lasts only a second. As you and Shinyu’s steps grow closer to each other, and heat begins to rise up to your cheeks, Yoona couldn’t hold her smile back. 

“We’re just friends,” you state, dismissing whatever she’s about to say. You shove your hands deep into the pockets of your puffed jacket, and you set your gaze straight ahead. 

Yoona gives you a raised brow. “I never said you guys weren’t. Are you saying that you guys are more than that?” she asks, the octave of her voice going higher. 

“Someone’s excited,” you mumble. You quickly turn to Minji, desperate. You’re going to walk past Shinyu and his friends anytime now. 

“Min, help,” you plead between gritted teeth. 

To your surprise, Minji laughs, putting her hands up. “I’ll always defend you, but this time, I can’t—you and Shinyu are too cute for me to prevent it.”

Your heart skips a beat, and your mouth is agape. Though, before you could say anything to counter Minji’s remark—that’s already making her and Yoona laugh—Shinyu is already next to you. 

“Hello,” he says, his voice sweet like honey. 

You freeze in your steps, and you quickly turn to him. Shinyu, standing much taller than you, has a fresh smile plastered on his face–the sincerity of it feels like it’s only for you. Though, you don’t want to get your hopes up for anything. You and Shinyu had recently started becoming friends, right after winter break ended a few weeks before this: he’s in your English and PE class, and he often sits near you when you’re studying in the library. You always see him playing basketball after school, too. 

You give him a small smile. “Hi, Shinyu.”

“Where are you going?” Shinyu asks. He nods in acknowledgement to Yoona and Minji. 

“Library,” Minji replies, looping her arm with yours. “Do you wanna come with us?”

Shinyu glances towards his friends, who’s talking amongst themselves.

“I promised my friends I’d come to study with them in the common room,” he says, before shifting his gaze back to you, and there’s some kind of determination shining through. “But you know what?”

Flustered, you blurt out. “What?”

“Yo, guys, I’ll be studying in the library,” he announces to his friends. Some of them roll their eyes, but eventually, they all agree to meet up after school. 

“Let’s go then?” he says, flashing you a smile. 

Yoona clears her throat, and even though muffled, you can clearly hear her giggling. You press your lips together, nodding. You’re feeling shy for no reason. “Okay. Let’s… go.”

Shinyu grins, shoving his hands into his pockets. 

The four of you walk to the library—Yoona and Minji, to your right, are giggling their hearts at the way Shinyu’s walking to your pace, his position perfectly shielding you from the sun. 

You force yourself to look forward the entire time, Shinyu’s presence suddenly making you feel beet red. Unknowingly, you’re smiling to yourself—Shinyu is well-known amongst your peers for his good manners, and undoubtedly, he’s one of the nicer people you’ve met. You lost count of the amount of times he’s taken care of you, especially when you’re studying. 

You chuckle. 

Shinyu’s not bad. 

“Someone’s in love, huh?” Yoona jests, pushing the library door open. You jolt back to reality, scowling at her. 

“I’m not in love,” you whisper sharply. “Also, shut up, he’s next to me.”

Yoona throws her head back, unable to contain her amusement anymore. You ignore her snickering in the back, and you walk inside the library, clutching the straps of your backpack as you try to find a table with enough seats for all of you. 

As you’re looking, a familiar voice pulls your attention towards its owner. 

“Y/N!” you hear Sungho call you, his voice quiet but loud enough for you to catch. He motions for you and the rest to come over. Yoona and Minji notice this, and they immediately jog over, delighted to see the boys. 

However, you’re a little sceptical. 

Your eyes meet with Jaehyun, who looks rather wide-eyed to see you. You hesitate, your footsteps heavier than before. You haven’t been really talking to him ever since school reopened after winter break, and this is the first time you’re facing him directly. 

Shinyu notices your mood drop. He leans to whisper, “are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost, and as far as I know, ghosts don’t really appear in the day.”

You almost burst out laughing at Shinyu’s wooden remark. You bit the bottom of your lips before tugging Shinyu’s sleeve. “Let’s go sit with them?”

“Are you sure?” he asks, voice suddenly shaky. 

You nod. “I’m sure they’ll be okay with it!”

You’re not too sure what made you feel so brave to do so—but you pull Shinyu towards the table that all your friends are sitting at, gesturing for him to sit next to you. Jaehyun, who happened to sit directly in front of the seat that you’re claiming as yours for the day, watched with a dumbfounded expression on his face, his jaw dropped. Yoona and Minji smirked, seeming to know what you’re doing, but  Sungho and Sanghyeok looked a little hesitant. 

Other than the sharp gaze that Jaehyun gave you, lingering a little longer than you’d like, you notice nothing wrong with him. 

Not until an hour into studying together. 

Shinyu, Sungho and Sanghyeok had gotten along quite well, and you often find yourself trying to stifle your laughter at their jokes. You also saw Minji, who was quite hard to impress, laughing along as well. 

You’re mid-laugh when you notice it—Jaehyun’s easygoing demeanour has disappeared. He no longer had that grin that rose higher on one side of his face, one that he displayed when he was amused at something. 

Instead, he’s staring. 

Not at you, but right at Shinyu, who’s sitting next to you, chatting animatedly about a variety show he watched last night with his sisters. You couldn’t help but observe the boy sitting in front of you—his jaw tight, his fingers obnoxiously tapping against the table. It’s obvious that something is bothering him, given that his bright energy had dimmed. 

Normally, Jaehyun would add in to the conversation, spicing things up with a joke here and there, lighting up the atmosphere with his contagious laughter.

You were about to ask Jaehyun about it, but Shinyu is quicker than you thought. He leans in to show you a video on his phone, something related to the funny moment in the variety show that he watched last night.

Your attention is almost immediately pulled towards Shinyu and his phone, but Jaehyun’s actions tugs you back to him harder. 

He pushes back his chair with a loud, audible scrape. 

“What the hell, man?” Minji hisses. 

“Y/N,” Jaehyun says, not even looking at anyone else. “We need to talk.”

“Huh?” you splutter. You thought you made it clear that you don’t want to talk to him.

Jaehyun stomps towards you, and before you could say anything to counter, he grabs your wrist and pulls you away to a far corner. 

“What’s wrong?” you ask, as soon as Jaehyun stops in his steps. You’re more confused than angry, the entire incident that happened before winter break pushed to the back of your mind. 

Jaehyun mumbles something, but you can’t hear him at all. 

“Sorry, what?”

“I said nothing,” Jaehyun replies, his eyes narrowing. 

His reply, rather sharp, startles you a little.

And that makes you a bit worked up. “What’s up with you?” you scoff, rolling your eyes. 

Jaehyun doesn’t reply. Instead, he runs a frustrated hand through his hair, muttering to himself. His eyes dart here and there, as if he’s trying to find some kind of answer. You stand there, silent as you watch him do his thing, not knowing what to do as a response. 

After a while, Jaehyun does something that wasn’t even in the list of things you guessed he’d do—he unzips the hoodie he’s wearing and places it on your shoulders. You stare at him with bulging eyes, mouth agape.

What is he doing?

Before you can even do or say anything to stop him, Jaehyun guides your arms into its sleeves, zipping the hoodie up for you. He takes a step closer to you, leaning close to grab the hood behind your head. 

You feel your breath stuck in your throat. 

He’s. Too. Close.

Jaehyun, his gaze showing how focused he is at this, pulls the hood over your head, tugging it slightly so that it’s secured. His eyes find yours, and for a moment, the world around the two of you freezes. 

You clear your throat, and Jaehyun’s brought out of his trance. 

A fake cough escapes him, and he shoves his hands into his pocket, acting cool before he starts walking back to the table. 

“Jaehyun?” you call after him. “What’s this?”

Jaehyun looks back at you. “Nothing. Just keep it on. You get cold easily, don’t you?”

You go back to your seat, feeling extremely weirded out. What’s up with this guy? 

A part of you tells you that he’s trying to mark you as yours. 

You grimace, shutting up that tiny part of you. 

He doesn’t even bother to remember me, so why would he do that?

JAEHYUN’S behaviour just keeps on getting weirder and weirder. You really tried your best to tell yourself that it’s not a big deal—but at this point, nothing can convince you that Jaehyun’s not being weird. 

You could recall quite a few moments of him being rather significantly bitter, for a reason that you’re not even aware of: one of them being a free period before lunch on a Wednesday, where Shinyu came over to you to ask you a few questions about Math. 

You had barely even managed to reply to Shinyu’s request before Jaehyun suddenly got up from his seat, clapping his hand on your shoulder. 

You turned sharply towards him, shocked at both the impact and the unexpected gesture. “Jaehyun, what—”

“Y/N,” he interrupted, loudly, “I just remembered! I owed—I mean, you owe me something! An answer. About… about something!”

“What thing?” you frowned. From what your memory serves you, there’s no such thing—

“The, uh—” Jaehyun waved his hand vaguely, glancing at Shinyu, who raised a brow at him. “You know? The thing we talked about yesterday. Super important. Can’t wait. Urgent. Like, right now.”

Before you can even open your mouth, Jaehyun grabbed your hand and pulled you a few steps away. 

Shinyu, grabbing his papers, shook his head. “At least be subtle, dude.”

Jaehyun, hand still clasped around yours, narrowed his eyes. “What are you talking about?”

“You know what I’m talking about,” Shinyu chuckles. 

You looked back and forth between the two guys, sighing heavily. Just what is going on?

Another similar moment occurred the next week, at lunch on a random Friday, where Jaehyun was annoying the living daylights of Shinyu for some stupid reason that you’re not too sure of. Shinyu, being the absolute angel he is, completely dodged Jaehyun’s attempts. He remained next to you, chatting about whatever topic that came to mind. He also made sure to include the rest of your friends, and to give you any part of his lunch that he noticed you liked—that extra crispy chicken or the cream cheese bun that he hadn’t touched yet. 

Shinyu had to leave a bit early because his basketball coach had something to discuss with him. He bid you farewell, and as soon as he was out of earshot, Jaehyun immediately perked up, smiling like none of his attempts at making Shinyu pissed off ever happened. 

Tired of the same kind of thing happening each day, you decided to confront him about it. At first, you didn’t want to—afraid that you’re just imagining things, but after discussing it with Yoona and Minji, you knew it’s for the best. 

“You’re acting weird,” you finally said, eyes pointed straight at Jaehyun. 

Jaehyun paused midaction, his noodles slipping down from his chopsticks. “Are you talking to… me?”

Minji punched his shoulder. “Stop being so dense, idiot.”

You nod in Minji’s direction, before turning back to Jaehyun. “Yes, you.”

“Me?” Jaehyun scoffed, leaning back in his chair. “I’m not being weird.”

Sungho snorted in his drink, and Sanghyeok shook his head. You bit back a smile—you’re definitely not imagining this. 

“You glared at Shinyu for five minutes. Did not blink.”

“I did not.”

“And you interrupted every time he spoke.”

“Coincidence.”

You gave him a deadpanned look. “You literally dragged me away mid sentence more than two times.”

The falter in Jaehyun’s cocky gaze tells you that you’re right. 

Jaehyun groaned, running a hand through his hair. “Okay, maybe I’m acting weird. But it’s not because of him. Not because of Shinyu. I just—” 

He cut himself off, shaking his head. “Never mind.”

You stared at him, more confused than ever. 

Jaehyun avoided you gaze, and that confirms everything you’re questioning

“...Right.”

He’s definitely acting weird. 

JAEHYUN is in a mess. He doesn’t know what he’s doing—and he definitely doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do either. 

He knew, from the moment you stopped even reading his messages over the winter break, that he’s truly messed up. But he doesn’t really know what to do, and the only logical solution in his head is the option that he wants to avoid the most. 

Jaehyun is dragging his feet through the hallways, dodging noisy students chatting and huddling in groups at the lockers, when he hears a familiar voice talking as he’s passing by. 

Shinyu. 

The guy that gets on Jaehyun’s nerves whenever he’s around you—the audacity that he has to be flirting openly with you, to show off the fact that he might have a bigger chance with you than Jaehyun ever will. 

He wasn’t paying attention at first, and had his foot out to step away already.

“I think I’ll do it in the courtyard,” he hears Shinyu say, “it’s the most perfect spot. Besides, Y/N likes the marigolds there.”

Jaehyun feels his heart stop, his body freezing mid-step. 

He barely registers the students passing him, hitting his shoulders multiple times. Shinyu’s words sink in, heavy and dangerous. 

“Damn,” another voice speaks, “so you’re really confessing? On Valentine’s day?”

“Yeah, of course,” Shinyu replies confidently. “I mean, Y/N’s amazing. I’d be an idiot not to try.”

“Doesn’t she see you as just a friend?” a voice points out. 

Shinyu sighs. “I know, but what’s the harm in trying?”

“She’s quiet, though, isn’t… she?” another voice asks. 

Shinyu shrugs. “I don’t mind, she’s perfect in my eyes anyway.”

Jaehyun’s stomach twists. His fingers are clenched into fists at his sides, and he knows he should just walk away. 

But his feet won’t move.

Jaehyun stands there, his heart hammering violently against his chest. He frowns, pretending that whatever he heard didn’t get under his skin at all. 

Shinyu is confessing. To you.

And the worst part is Jaehyun has hardly any idea what to do about it.

JUST as he thought his day couldn’t get worse, Jaehyun spots Shinyu running up to you after the last bell rang, a bunch of snacks in hand. He intercepted you from Jaehyun, who was on his way to you, a box of Pepero in his hand. 

It slips from his hand, falling on the ground.

Jaehyun knew. 

From the way your eyes begin to light up whenever you see Shinyu, and the way your smile is just so bright whenever he’s near. The way you talk more and more, prompted so effortlessly by Shinyu. The way you look like you’re glowing when you’re with him… it hits Jaehyun.

He’s going to lose you. 

His vision becomes blurry as he stands in the middle of the courtyard, as still as stone. Jaehyun can’t ignore this any longer. 

He can’t ignore the way his heart is eager whenever he sees you. He can’t ignore the way the world seems a little less gloomy, a lot less lonely when you’re around. He can’t ignore the way his chest hurts, like it’s about to burst, whenever he sees you flashing that adorable, rare smile around anyone else. He can’t ignore the fact that he feels like he’s about to throw up flowers everytime he sees you with Shinyu, all giggly from whatever he says to you. 

He just can’t disregard the fact that he has obvious feelings for you, that he still loves you after all these years. 

Jaehyun had always known those feelings, pushed away deep in his stomach, but these past few weeks—it keeps on growing larger and larger, more urgent and more consuming. The small flutter in his chest when he watched you laugh, the feeling that settled comfortably around him whenever you look at him with those warm eyes, and the overwhelming ache when you’re around Shinyu. 

Jaehyun had tried his absolute best to ignore it. 

But now, watching you interact with Shinyu—sharing snacks, smiling so shyly with him—it made Jaehyun extremely aware of himself. Shinyu, your fellow classmate who seemed to know exactly what to say, the one who made you giggle and smile the way Jaehyun used to always do… the feeling hits Jaehyun differently. 

Jaehyun felt like the ground underneath him was about to crumble, and the earth was about to eat him alive. His heart twists so painfully it makes him feel like he wants to run and hide from the shattering realisation that you might never look at him the same way he has always looked at you. 

He wishes that he had been more courageous, more brave to admit to you that you’re his world, and he’s orbiting you—that you hadn’t left his mind, ever since he left ten years ago. Not even once. He wishes that he had been more valiant, and that he told you, the first time he bumped into you, after a decade of not seeing his favourite person—that he missed you dearly. Your laughter, your smile, and the way that it’s reserved only for him to see—he wishes he said that to you the first time. 

Honestly, Jaehyun wasn’t even really sure why he lied to you. Sure, he was scared, afraid that you might not remember him at first. But after a while, he just didn’t want his feelings for you to be out in the open. He knew you remember him—but he was simply terrified. 

What if you didn’t like him the way he did? 

What if he’s the only one that’s feeling like you’re the most important person in life?

Jaehyun was too afraid of you rejecting him to stop lying. 

Though, he thought that his way of showing his feelings, rather subtly in his opinion, through little acts of service could make you notice. 

Even so, Jaehyun knew that it only made you more confused. 

He really wanted to be happy for you—he really does. You deserve all the goodness in this world, and you deserve to be happy with someone who looks at you the way Jaehyun looked at you all this while, but his chest twists with a blazing jealousy: an emotion he never thought he’d feel when it comes to you. 

It’s not fair. 

Not to you, not to him. 

How could he be so stupid? How could he be such a loser, a coward? 

Jaehyun takes a shaky breath in. He could tell, from the way you looked at him, and from the way your eyes crinkle when you smile at him, that you had no idea. No absolute idea about the chokehold you have on him—the way every shared moment, every glance and every smile is carved into his soul. 

You have no idea how much he’s hurting, from the way you’re clearly upset with him, the way you’re growing closer to Shinyu, and the way you’re slipping away from his reach with every passing moment.

But then, something clicks in him. He’s not going to let the ache, the jealousy and the frustration take the reins—he’s no longer going to shrink back into the shadows. 

This is going to be his moment. His time to shine. Jaehyun could feel the determination settle firmly in his chest, and his mind begins to come up with a plan. The fear and the doubt is burned to ashes, and it’s no longer going to hold him back. 

He had been such a fool. 

This time, no more hesitating. No more waiting. No more wondering what if. 

If he wants you, he’s going to fight for it. 

He’s not going to let himself lose you to anyone else. Not now. Not ever. You’re his best friend, his rock, his confidante. You understand him in ways others don’t, and he knows you more than you even know yourself, even after all these years. And if anyone is going to make you realise that, it’s him. 

JAEHYUN hadn’t meant to walk this way. 

It’s the night before Valentine’s day, and somehow, his feet had brought him to your house, a couple blocks away from his own. He’s in a new neighbourhood, and the house he’s approaching is new, but the feeling is familiar. 

He slows to a stop, staring at your house—remembering how it used to be some kind of second home to him. It’s a new house in a new state, but Jaehyun could still remember sitting on the front steps with you, munching the afternoon away with your mother’s homemade snacks. He still remembers doing homework with you on the porch, laughing at the way you huffily grumbled under your breath when it came to difficult questions you couldn’t solve. He still remembers building a pillow fort in your living room, calling it your ‘secret base’. 

His fingers curl around the strap of his guitar. 

Have you ever realised how much you mean to him? How much do you always mean to him?

A gust of wind blows through the quiet street. 

Jaehyun stares at your window, the warm glow radiating from inside. He swallows hard. 

It’s now or never. 

Taking a deep breath, he takes a step forward and begins picking his guitar. 

YOU shove your headphones down your neck, heart thumping fast. 

What’s the noise outside?

You walk towards your window, nervous upon hearing the melodious guitar and the singing muffled by the bricks in your walls. 

“Man, I'm so nervous to death

I relax my stiff lips

I might fail miserably like this

I might mess up

Hi, the weather's nice. Wanna take a walk?

My shy voice is just for you!

Ah, please, don't say no

Oh, I won’t beat around the bush

From my head to toe

No, even my heart’s under pressure…”

You recognise that voice. 

Jaehyun. 

What’s he doing here, in the middle of the night? 

You peek through the curtains—and your assumption is correct. There he is, Jaehyun, standing rather awkwardly in front of your driveway with his guitar. 

Your eyes widen. He’s singing. 

Or more accurately, screaming. 

“I love you, baby, baby, baby

I’ve been screaming the whole neighborhood knows 

I like you!

My neighbors go, yah, yah, yah

Let's get some sleep, yoo-ooh, oh-oh

I swear you'll like it.”

You close the curtains sharply, turning your back to the wall. Your face begins to feel hot, and your breaths turn to short, ragged gasps. 

You close your eyes, trying to drown Jaehyun’s voice out, but you can’t. 

Slowly, you open your eyes again, letting yourself to hear him out.

And soon enough, you realise the meaning behind the words he’s singing. 

“Ah, please, don't say no

Oh, I don't want to be just friends

From my head to toe

No, even my heart's under pressure!”

You push your curtains aside, taking in the view. You expect him to be singing rather calmly, but instead, you’re greeted with Jaehyun, kneeling on the road as he’s serenading you. 

“I love you, baby, baby, baby

I've been screaming the whole neighborhood knows 

I like you!”

You barely processed what he just sang. 

One second, you were in your room, standing frozen as your breath hitched at the sound and sight of Jaehyun’s singing echoing through the neighbourhood. 

Next, you’re running out of the house. 

You didn’t think—you just ran. 

Your parents, who were alarmed by Jaehyun’s singing, didn’t even have time to react. You flew past them, socks sliding across the wooden porch, nearly tripping down the slippery steps. 

“Y/N! Your coat—”

Too late. 

“I love you, baby, baby, baby

I've been screaming𑁋”

You bolt towards Jaehyun, crashing into him with so much force he barely had time to catch his guitar. 

“𑁋the whole neighborhood knows 

I like you𑁋oof!”

From the door, your dad raises a brow. “...did we miss something?”

Your mother merely chuckles, smiling knowingly. 

“You really—” you gasp, your breath visible in the air, “—had to do this in front of everyone?”

Jaehyun grins, entirely unbothered. “Of course.”

You cover your face with your hands—you were embarrassed, at first, but now it’s not even about all that. Your body is trembling, not from the cold nor embarrassment, but from the overwhelming warmth that is engulfing you. 

Jaehyun gently pries your hand away. “Hey,” he says softly, his grin now a gentle smile, “did it work?”

Your lips part. “What? Did what work?”

“Making you fall for me.”

Jaehyun barely had time to flash you another of his smirks before you fling yourself at him, wrapping your arms tightly around his waist. 

He lets out a startled laugh, stumbling back slightly. “Whoa—hey, what’s–”

“You’re so embarrassing,” you say against his jacket, your grip tightening. “And loud. And ridiculous.”

And just so, so cute. 

Jaehyun giggles, running a hand through his hair. “So,” he says, and you pull away to look at him. “How was it?”

You look at him with slightly narrowed eyes. “How was what?”

“I just serenaded you. That basically means you have to date me now, right?”

You gasp, hitting his chest. “Jaehyun–!”

“I mean, that’s like, a rule or something. I put in all this effort, to sing to you on a very cold winter night—made myself look completely ridiculous, and now you have no choice but to fall for me. That’s how it works,” Jaehyun continues, a smug look on his face.

You roll your eyes, to hide the obvious flush in your cheeks. “You’re unbelievable–”

“Unbelievably charming?” he cuts you off, wiggling his eyebrows.

“No. Unbelievably embarrassing.”

Jaehyun dramatically gasps. “Excuse me, that was romantic. I even practiced the song! Twice!”

You swat your hand, face burning, but he catches it. 

You stare at him, wide-eyed, your heart dangerously racing. 

“Y/N, listen… I know I can be a lot,” Jaehyun begins, his voice softer and more serious now. His grip on your hand tightens. “And you’re quiet and reserved, but I think we fit perfectly. With each other.”

You want to say something, but you keep your silence—you don’t really trust yourself to say anything in the state you’re in. 

“You know why?” Jaehyun continues rambling, his grin morphing into one of the most lovesick smiles you’ve seen, and you find yourself mirroring it. “I love making you smile, and I want to always keep on making you smile until, like, forever—”

Your heart makes a backflip, or something, but you feel your face flushing even more. “Jaehyun, stop–”

“And if you don’t like me back, that’s fine. That… is… totally okay! I will totally accept rejection gracefully, I’ll just be heartbroken for like, ten years—”

“Oh my god—”

“—but if you do like me, please tell me before I make a bigger fool of myself.”

Jaehyun pauses, catching his breath. His eyes find their way back to you, and in the silence he’s left between the two of you, you can’t hold yourself back anymore. 

You grab the front of his jacket and yank him forward.

“Shut up, Myung Jaehyun.”

And you kiss him. 

Jaehyun lets out a startled sound, but it isn’t long before he melts into you, his hands gripping your waist as he kisses you back, deep and eager. 

It isn’t shy. Nor is it soft. 

It’s everything—messy, desperate, and full of all of the things you couldn’t say to him.

By the time you pull away, Jaehyun is a breathless mess. He blinks at you like you had just punched him square in the face. 

It’s certainly out of character for you, you know that, but you didn’t expect Jaehyun to look absolutely smitten. 

“...Well.”

You pant, glaring up at him. “There, you finally shut up,” you mumble. 

Jaehyun licked his lips, his grin slow and teasing. “…You can do that anytime.”

You gasp, shoving him. 

Jaehyun giggles, grabbing your hand before you could run back inside. He pulls you close, and places your arms around his waist, in the warmth of his jacket. 

He rests his forehead against yours, your noses brushing. 

“So, are we official now, or do I need to sing another song?”

You look at him, your heart beating with a certain answer. 

I love you.

Though, of course, you’re too embarrassed to say that to him. You smack him before hiding your face in his chest. 

“Shut up, Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun only laughs, and a warm feeling fills you up. He pulls you closer, hugging you tight. “Okay, sweetie, I think that’s enough singing for tonight.”

― © htaesan, 2025.