••••

                   REBLOG. FOLLOW. ABOUT. INTERACT.

                                      we all have our horrors and our                                               demons to fight, but how can i                                                win when i’m paralyzed? they                                               crawl up in my bed, wrap their                                               fingers around my thoat. is this                                            what i get for the choices that i’ve                                               made? do you think the silence                                                 makes a good man convert?

a storm is delaying our flight home and i’m afraid of thunder, please talk to me while we wait

we’re both in small claims court and i got into a huge fight with the person suing me but you stepped in to hold me back before security got there

i drove two hours to the closest video rental store that’s still operating and you were checking out the only copy of the movie i was after

i hit you with my car but luckily you’re okay, but we should still exchange information i guess

our friends that we came here with went off together and now we’re making awkward small talk

i was worried about buying something off of someone creepy from craigslist but oh no you’re hot

my friend talked me into playing a drunken game of spin the bottle even though we’re all adults and now we have to make out

we both decided to take a [yoga/fencing/cooking etc] class and we’re the only two assholes not taking it seriously and everyone else is giving us dirty looks but we keep grinning over at each other

my date just made a scene in public and got arrested and now i’m stranded in a city without a ride home

sharing a cab together

you’re trying to get me to sign a petition and i have no idea what you’re talking about

you’re drunk at this festival and dancing on the table and when you eventually fell i caught you

i tried to get a part time job at this place right by my house but they hired you instead and i have to see you every day when i go there now

blind date!

requested by anonymous

“I’ve got a kiss with your name on it.”

“Want to make some hot chocolate and make s’mores in the microwave?“ 

“I don’t remember what life was like before loving you.”

“You look adorable when you’re cold.“ 

“What would I do without you?”

“My hands are so cold, will you warm them?”

“Sorry, was this your sweater? I’ll give it back… eventually. ”

“You look nothing like [celebrity]. You’re much more pretty/handsome.” 

“Ow, I got a papercut… kiss it?”

“I love this song! Want to dance?”

“Here, I’ll kiss it better for you.”

“I can’t imagine being alone anymore.“ 

“Let’s just stay in tonight and watch movies.”

“It’s not just you that I love. I love the me that I become when you’re around.”

“I bet I’m a better cuddler than you.“ 

“Cold? Here, let me hold you.”

“Do you think you could maybe just talk to me? I don’t care about what. I just want to hear the sound of your voice until I fall asleep.“ 

[MSG]: If you come home and see an ambulance outside, don’t worry. I’ve got it all under control.

[MSG:] One time I thought I was heterosexual.

[MSG:] I’M WEARING A FLAG.

[MSG:] Just get in the fucking blanket fort.

[MSG:] I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I pass out for 3 days.

[MSG:] I am going places. Maybe not college, but places…

[MSG:] I don’t think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.

[MSG:] THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESN’T EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.

[MSG:] We’re making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?

[MSG:] Can you pick me up? The threeway turned into a twoway while I sit here alone in the corner…

[MSG:] Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.

[MSG:] You know, my friends think I make these stories up…

[MSG:] I’m bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We’re plotting your demise.

[MSG:] My cute new neighbor has a cast on his leg. How sad is it that my first thought was, “Hey! This one can’t run away!”.

[MSG:] OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still…

[MSG:] I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.

[MSG:] I just walked into the room at this party and someone shouted “dibs!”

[MSG:] He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.

[MSG:] Uh, I almost got the bride to go down on me. I’m the smoothest maid of honor ever.

[MSG:] Somehow a ride to Walgreens turned into a threesome.

[MSG:] Yeah, don’t like to call her my roommate. Too cordial. I prefer to call her “the whore that was assigned to live with me.”

[MSG:] Why does every bad decision I make end up with at least 100 likes on YouTube?

[MSG:] I feel like I don’t show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time.

[MSG:] I told you not to buy lube from a tourist shop!

[MSG:] He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?

[MSG:] STOP BREAKING THE LAW, ASSHOLE.

[MSG:] There were containers of weed in the piñata.

[MSG:] So far today I’ve had six shots of tequila, one joint, I’ve hit three parties, made out with two people and been chased by security. It is spring break.

[MSG:] OMG SOMEONE JUST CRASHED THIS LECTURE SCREAMING “TROOOOOLLLL IN THE DUNGEONS!!!” I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING HELP

[MSG:] I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon.

[MSG:] Uh, I think that pic was for someone else. At least, I hope so…

[MSG:] My gaydar is infallible. Trust me.

[MSG:] I’m actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We’re just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators.

[MSG:] See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.