taeminyourmind.

angst

Petal - You and Taemin have been friends since grade school. But when he finds out you’re dating Jongin, jealousy takes him to the point of no return and will do whatever it takes to “protect” you.

Without You - Months after breaking up, you and Taemin find yourselves in a vicious cycle of unhealthy habits to cope with the pain. When Taemin’s group mates convince you to talk to him, you and he talk about the cause of the breakup and receive closure after months of pain.

REVLON #015 -  Afraid Taemin has been cheating on you, you finally muster the strength to question his loyalty and find yourself heartbroken by the complicated truth.

I Can See You -  Heartbreak, it’s something we can all relate to whether it’s with lovers, family, or friends. We know the pain that follows it and learn to live with the consequences of our actions. And for Taemin, heartbreak comes from losing you, his dear friend, and he would do anything to have you back, unless it was too late.

fluff

Snow in Love - Taemin visits Caramella’s, a local cat cafe, every night for one reason, you. He wants nothing more than to be with you, but a simple kiss has him afraid of the one thing he yearns for. Will he be able to be brave and reach for what he wants or will he watch it slip through his fingers?

Strawberry Cupcakes - After baking strawberry cupcakes for his children, Taemin notices one has gone missing and decides to turn the incident into a teaching moment.

mature/smut

Under the Moonlight - Your marriage to Taemin experiences a rough patch after you experience a miscarriage. Though you want to give up on having children, his everlasting love gives you encouragement to try and grow your family again.

Music and Us - Brought together by music, you and Taemin begin a friendship that flourishes into a romance. After a year together, you tell Taemin that you’re ready, and he makes it his priority to make your first time gentle.

The 12-Year Promise - Forced to move away, you and your best friend Taemin make a promise to meet again on your 25th birthday.

Hi Infidelity - A secret rendezvous allows you and Taemin to indulge yourselves in one another, even if it hurts those you love the most.

The Demon and His Temptress - In the darkness of Club 84, the eyes of an incubus named Taemin watches your every move. Unaware of the game you were playing, you allowed him into your mind and soul. Tonight is the night you will surrender to him.

Showers & Teases - After being caught touching himself to you in the shower, you give Taemin a little tease before allowing your sexual desire to take over.

Hotline - The ending to a perfect hotline call that fills not only your desires but your mouth.

Euphoria - A stressful day turns into a euphoric night of intimate pleasure as Taemin knows exactly what you need to relax.

In the Morning Sun - In the golden rays of the morning’s rising sun, you and your husband, Taemin, share an intimate morning together.

series

A Christmas Love Story (F) *completed* - ‘A Christmas Love Story’ is a set of 8 short love-filled stories that follow you and Taemin’s relationship through the years during Christmastime (2013-2020).

(a)lternate (u)niverse

The Photograph (Non-Idol!AU) -  Growing up, Minhee has spent her life believing Taemin was her biological father. But when she discovers a photograph hidden away, she questions everything she once knew and comes to understand that not all family comes from blood.

The Good in Good-Bye (Non-Idol!AU) -  A love here one day is gone the next. Iris Young's boyfriend, Choi Minho, is missing. Fearing the worst, she travels to Seoul in search of answers as to where he could be. In her search, she befriends a kind local cafe owner, Taemin, a strong-minded hacker, Kibum, and an attentive junior detective, Jinki, who form an unlikely team to track down Minho's whereabouts. But as she inches closer to the truth, Iris must decide if there is such thing as a good in good-bye.

general (no specific genre)

What’s the first thing one thinks of when it comes to heartbreak? Is it love? Is it the end of the things we once knew? Is it the sadness of knowing what will never be? There are many answers as to what one first thinks of when the word heartbreak comes to mind, but all can agree on one thing, the feeling of heartbreak. The heaviness of the chest, the stinging of the tears one tries to keep away, the lump in the throat at the realization that the thing they once knew is now slipping from their fingers; sometimes by their own accord, and sometimes by the other's accord.

Just how nature has its seasons of renewal and death, so do relationships. Maybe it was the end of a friendship, maybe it was the end of a love or an end of anything that kept us motivated to wake up in the morning and have the courage to face the coldness of the world outside our door. Whatever it may be, the end never comes how we expect it. Sometimes the end comes quick like the sound of thunder and sometimes it fizzles out like a dying fire as you watch helplessly from the sideline. And sometimes, those are the ones that hurt the most; seeing something and someone you cherish fade away from your life because once they entered it, you couldn’t imagine it without them.

For Taemin, heartbreak came in many forms from many directions. And he could deal with it, tough it out like a champ and convince himself that a part of life was letting things go and finding something new to plant. But this heartbreak, the one that has been eating at him for over a month and haunting his dreams, is the one he can’t deal with. Alone he cries to himself at night, his face buried in the pillow to silent his sobs. The warmth of kindness that was once by his side to place a gentle hand on his back and whisper words of gentleness was no longer there. How could he have gotten it so wrong? How could he have been so blind to what was in front of him and deaf to the repeated aches of his heart that yearned for one person, you?

The crisp air bites at his nose as he walks down the sidewalk with a bouquet of flowers gripped tightly in his hand. The world around him fades and his mind is filled with recited words that he edits with each step. He knows that every word must matter and he must be true about his feelings if he wants a chance; a chance he should’ve already had if he wasn’t blinded by the flashiness of society.

When he comes back to reality, the street view begins to look familiar. He abruptly pauses on the sidewalk much to the dismay of those walking around him who throw cruel words at him as they pass, the most popular being, “Fuck is your problem?”. The familiarity brings in a flood of memories. These memories lighten the heaviness of his heart and he feels a faint smile begin to grow on his face. That is until his heart stops, or at least it feels like it has when a warm voice calls out. He quickly turns around and feels the world stop around him.

“Hi-hi, ___.” He stammers with an unsure smile. Should he smile or shouldn’t he? Should he reach out to you or stay where he is?

“Hi, Taemin,” you softly say as you cautiously approach him. The thorns of him are still sticking out and you begin to wonder if you should risk getting any closer or relive the pain that’s been tormenting you.

Your eyes catch his and at that moment, you feel the urge to jump in his arms, snuggle your face in the side of his neck, and tell him how much you’ve missed him because, despite the pain, he was your other half. But you refrain. Instead, you tilt your head towards the opposite direction Taemin was going and begin to walk. It only takes a few steps before Taemin is in stride with you and his warmth blocks out the partial chill from the winter weather.

Minutes go by in silence and you swear you can hear the loudness of Taemin’s heartbeat. You take a right around the corner and begin walking on a more secluded sidewalk leading to a park with an open field. The sound of children’s laughter as they play on the playground makes both of you smile. The innocence of a child is so pure and you wish it didn’t have to go away.

“How did you know it was me?” Taemin asks, interrupting your thoughts. He hesitates to look at you before deciding to keep his eyes forward.

“Some things you just know,” you shrug before looking at him. You pause and take note of the distant yet hopeful look in his eye and the soft pink hue formed on the tip of his nose. “And I know you.”

Taemin pauses and turns to look at you. His free hand reaches out and gently turns you to face him. His eyes search your face for something, he’s not even sure what he’s looking for himself. Or maybe he’s remembering the face he’s missed for the past month. He licks his lips slightly and furrows his eyebrows.

“I miss you,” he blurts. His eyes widened for a moment at the realization of what came from his mouth before he could think about it. All of the lines he’s rehearsed on his way to you flew out of the window as he spoke the one thing that’s been on his heart. He sighs and puts his head down. “I’m sorry, ___. I pushed away the one person that really cared about me.”

“Cares,” you say and bring your hands to his face. You gently guide his head up until you’re eye to eye. “I never stopped caring about you. And I never will.”

A bashful smile spreads across his face as he leans his forehead against yours briefly before pulling away and lifting the bouquet in the space between the two of you. The bright orange flowers make you smile as you lean forward to smell their floral scent. It’s light and sweet and reminds you of the springtime when you first met Taemin. To this day, it amazes you how a spilled ice cream cone could lead to a friendship that could transcend time.

“You hold onto them for me, my hands are freezing.”

“You’re always cold. You should go to the doctors.”

“There’s no point.”

“Why not?”

You give Taemin a gentle smile and interlock your elbow with his. You begin walking again before he has a chance to press further. “How are you, Taemin?”

A few moments of silence pass before Taemin clears his throat. “Alright, I guess?”

“Let me rephrase. What has your heart been like lately, Taemin?”

‘My heart?’ he thinks. He wonders when was the last time he truly felt his heart after he’s numbed it for so long. For a second, he closes his eyes and feels the all too familiar tears sting his eyes once more.

“My heart is…empty.”

“Empty?”

“Ever since our fight, I’ve felt…lost.” He pauses and swallows the lump in his throat. “I broke up with Heejin shortly after. I realized that it wasn’t her who made me happy, made me feel loved, and was beside me. It was always you. And I chose her over you. I’m so sorry, ___.”

You chew the bottom of your lip and squeeze your eyes shut. “Do you remember what happened after our fight?”

Taemin stays silent and thinks for a moment. He shakes his head in frustration. “Everything was a blur. I just remember waking up this morning and really wanting to see you.”

“You’ve missed a lot,” you half-chuckle. “I love you, Tae. My love, for you, goes beyond death.”

Taemin smiles at you and leans over and places a gentle kiss on your cheek. His soft lips send a frenzy of butterflies into your stomach and force the tears welling in your eyes to fall. With a quick swipe, his thumbs wipe away the tears before pulling you into an embrace. He holds you close, resting his head on top of yours while his hands press you closer to his chest. “I love you too, ___.”

Those words etch their way into your mind. You press your face deeper into his chest and deeply inhale; the scent of his cologne is light and somewhat earthly. But something inside of you shocks you and you find it hard to pull away, not wanting to leave, not just yet. But you know neither of you will get closure if you stay like this.

“Thank you, Taemin,” you say and slowly peel yourself from him. “Now I can rest knowing I made things right with you.”

Taemin’s face twists in confusion when you turn and walk through a gated area. He follows after you and calls out your name. But his voice gets lost in the sweet melody of a song you always hummed in his time of sadness, It’s You by Super Junior. He tries to run to catch you but ends up tripping over his own feet. But he refuses to give up. Steadying himself, he uses his strength and manages to catch up with you until you vanish.

He looks around in confusion and calls out your name. His voice echoes in the open air and he sets out to leave until he notices where he is and he stumble until his back hits a tree. He’s afraid to look and silently counts to 3 before turning to his right where he’s met with a tombstone. That heaviness of his heart appears again and makes him drop to his knees. A wave of confusion and sorrow washes over him when he reads the engraved words “___, loving daughter, beloved sister, and cherished friend.”

“No,” he repeats to himself as he reaches out and places shaky hands on top of the tombstone. “___, please! This isn’t funny!” He yells as tears begin streaming down his face. He grits his teeth to keep from sobbing and manages to read your death date through his blurry vision. His heart stops again when he remembers that date; he remembers your number calling endlessly until he finally picked up and screamed that he was going to block your number before hanging up. His mind swirls at the thought of it being you calling for his help and him leaving you without a safe place to turn.

“___, please!” He screams as his shaky fingers trace the outline of your name. “You can’t leave me!”

But after minutes of silence, the weight hits Taemin that what’s been done cannot be undone. He sits back on his knees and stares emptily at your tombstone and all of the memories you made together come flooding back. All of the good times he took for granted and all of the things he didn’t say begin to haunt him again. But then that emptiness of his heart begins to swell with love as that familiar warmth embraces him. And a faint smile spread on his face as he hums It’s You to himself.

“Thanks, ___,” he whispers while wiping his tears. “I’m sorry, for all of the pain. I don’t deserve your forgiveness, yet you came back for me, or maybe we came back for each other. Whoever it was that let you come visit me, will you thank them for me?”

Minutes soon turn to hours of Taemin sitting by your grave in silence, reminiscing on the good times before drops of rain begin to fall. A frown appears on his face and sheds tears at the thought of leaving you once again. But as a clap of thunder sounds overhead, he quickly stands to his feet and places the bouquet of orange flowers on your grave.

“I’ll come back every week to visit you,” he whispers. “I promise to be a better person, I’m just sorry I couldn’t be one to you.” He pauses and leans down to kiss your tombstone. “I love you, ___.”

The early morning sun seeps through the openings of the blinds, painting the walls with stripes of a soft golden hue. The growing light gently wakes you. Squeezing your eyes tighter, you begin to stretch; reaching your arms to the side, careful not to hit your husband beside you. As you sleepily blink away the fog surrounding your head, an arm snakes its way around your waist and pulls you into a wall of warmth. That familiar warmth that’s protected you and comforted you over the years brings a smile to your face as you immediately lean into it.

“Good morning, Taemin,” you whisper. Your fingers trace shapes along his arm as you turn your head to face your husband whose tousled hair slightly covers his eyes as he gives you a soft smile.

“It’s always a good morning with you,” he smiles, pausing for a moment to raise his eyebrows, “And I’m sure you had a good night.” You furrow your eyebrows in confusion, making him chuckle. “You were dreaming last night.”

A moment passes before you understand what Taemin has been hinting at. The thought of you mumbling or making quiet moans in your sleep as he watched on in amusement makes your cheeks grow warm. You cover your eyes with your hands and shake your head.

“Tell me,” he whispers, his voice deep and low. He brings himself closer to your body until his breath tickles your ear, “Did you dream about me?” He removes your hands from your face, guiding your chin up slightly. “I’ve been curious about your dream since dawn.”

The hypnotic look of hunger in his eyes captures you in a trance. The gentle stroke of his fingertips up and down your thigh causes you to shiver as you close your eyes, trying to remember the remnants of your dream; it's a blur, but what you can’t see clearly, you can feel.

“I don’t remember it all,” you whisper, “But it was just the two of us at the same hotel we stayed at on our honeymoon. I can’t see it, but I can feel it. I can feel us making love, the way we hurriedly took each other’s clothes off, the way your lips moved across my skin, the -” a gasp stops you short as Taemin’s lips begin to tenderly kiss the sensitive spot on the crook of your neck. You swallow and feel your heart begin to beat faster. “The way our hands touched each other in all the right places.”

Your body shudders and your breath hitches as you feel Taemin guide your legs open. The anticipation of his sweet caresses makes your bite down gently on your lower lip. His fingertips slowly brush up your inner thigh until he reaches your pool of wetness. He smiles to himself as he watches your lips slightly part at the feeling of his fingers dipping into your wetness and slowly moving up and down your slit. A soft moan pushes past your lips when he slowly traces circles on your sensitive clit. The sensation makes your legs open more as you reach down and hold onto his wrist.

“Go on,” he urges. The thought of your bodies coming together intimately causes him to groan as he feels his cock harden. He manages to lift his hips to pull his pajama pants down just enough for his cock to spring free. His hand wraps tightly around his member, pumping it slowly.

“Then we...we made love,” you breathlessly say.

Your back arches off the bed when Taemin’s ring and middle fingers slowly enter you, your wetness allowing them to glide in with ease. Your walls immediately grip around them as he curls them slightly and begins to slowly pump them in and out. The look of pleasure on your face makes Taemin groan as he pumps himself in sync with his fingers. His heart feels like it’s about to leap out of his chest when he imagines his cock snug between your warm, wet walls and the sounds of pure ecstasy falling off your lips.

Soon, imagination doesn’t give him any pleasure as he removes his fingers from your warmth and carefully places himself between your legs. The sudden absence of his fingers makes your eyes open immediately. Your eyes lock with Taemin’s, and as if guided by his mind, you open your legs wider, inviting him in. He bites his bottom lip, his gaze never leaving yours as he rubs his tip up and down your slick slit before gently pushing himself past your entrance. Your moans harmonize when he begins to slowly rock his hips into you. The softness of your name drips from Taemin’s lips as he reaches down and pulls down the straps of your nightgown. He alternates between fondling your soft breasts and pinching your hardened nipples.

Your head begins to feel light as waves of pleasure repeatedly wash over you. Reaching up, your hands gently hold the sides of his face and guide it towards yours until your foreheads softly press together. You exchange a smile with Taemin as your thumb pads gently brush his cheekbones.

“I love you,” you both say. The timing makes you both chuckle before you wrap your legs around his waist and whisper for him to go deeper, to which he obliges.

Full of passion, you press your lips against his, deepening the kiss as his hands hold onto your hips. Your fingers gently tug at his hair causing him to groan against your lips. He moves his head to fall beside yours as he gently lowers his chest atop of yours, your hearts beating together. Your arms wrap around his shoulders and hold onto him tighter as your legs squeeze around his waist.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispers in your ear between quiet moans.

You open your mouth to respond but are cut off by a long, low moan when Taemin rocks deeper into you and repeatedly hits your spot. You feel his smile against your skin when he takes your earlobe between his lips and gently nibbles on it. Your head tilts back slightly as your hand cradles the back of his head, bringing him closer to your skin.

Using his strength, he carefully rolls over until you’re on top of him. You lean up and place your hand on both sides of his chest before slowly bouncing on his cock. The gentle, sensual pleasure causes you to tilt your head back and let quiet moans invade the room’s silence. But a sudden knock makes you swallow your moans as you avert your attention towards your bedroom’s door.

“Mommy? Daddy?” A small voice calls out from the other side.

“Shit,” you whisper before clearing your throat and projecting your voice. “Yes, honey?”

“Can we have waffles for breakfast?!”

You open your mouth to speak before being cut off by Taemin’s whisper, “I guess we have to speed things up.” You cock your head to the side before a sudden overwhelming feeling of pleasure takes control of your body. The quick pace of Taemin rubbing your clit makes you clasp a hand over your mouth to keep a loud moan at bay as an eruption builds in your core. Taemin’s free hand holds you steady as your body begins to tremble.

“Sure. Go wake your brother and we’ll meet you downstairs,” Taemin replies. He gives you a mischievous smirk as he quickens the pace of his thumb. You squeeze your eyes shut in an attempt to will yourself to wait a little longer before coming undone.

“Okay, daddy!”

The sound of small footsteps hurrying away cues you to surrender to the wave of pleasure crashing into you. Quickly lifting yourself from Taemin, your orgasm squirts all over his cock as you let out a choked whimper of his name. Reaching up, he brings your chest to his and holds you close as he guides his cock back into you. He gently cradles the back of your head and firmly places a hand on the middle of your back as he thrust upwards at a quick pace. A string of whimpers falls off his lips as you whisper words of affection in his ear. You encourage him to go faster and beg for him to release his seed into you. With a final thrust, he lets out a deep groan as he releases his seed inside of you, coating your walls while his hips buck with each spurt.

For a moment, you lay still in Taemin’s arms. The room is filled with heavy breaths as you place a series of kisses along his collarbone. You raise your head and gently brush the strands of hair stuck to his forehead away from his face. It’s in little moments like this when you find yourself getting lost in his beauty; the way the warm sun casts a golden hue over him, the way his plump pinkish lips purse into a slight pout, and the way his eyes gaze adoringly into yours, their color enhanced by the sun’s rays.

While you admired him, Taemin finds himself reminded of the natural beauty you possess as he reaches up to brush the strands of your hair behind your ear and pulls the straps of your nightgown back on your shoulders. The sun gives you an angelic aura that makes him tell you how blessed he is that you’re his.

His sweet words make you smile. Leaning forward, you wiggle your nose lovingly against his which causes your hair to fall and tickle his cheeks.

“We’d better go before the boys break down our door,” you joke.

“Maybe, one day, we’ll have another little one,” Taemin places a gentle hand on your stomach. His touch gives you butterflies as you place a gentle hand over his and give him a hopeful smile.

“C’mon,” you slowly remove yourself from Taemin’s body with his help and wrap a robe around your body, “I’ll make the waffles if you wash the sheets.”

Large raindrops smack against the window as thunder roars overhead, shaking the house with its mighty voice. You pace your room with your phone in your hand, mind cloudy and tears streaming down your face. The yelling of harsh words echoes in your mind and though you squeeze your eyes shut they won’t leave you alone. Your chest fills with hopelessness, ready to scream at the world and combust until you no longer exist. But in the smoke of destruction, you remember a kind face, the only person who gave you any kind of kindness after your no ex-boyfriend managed to manipulate those you thought were friends against you. Isolated, you feel unworthy of love and friendship. And yet, your mind pushes that face into your mind again as you quickly dial their number. Each ring feels like a chokehold and makes you question if you should have called. But at the fifth ring, a voice picks up on the other end - a voice so gentle and soothing.

“Hello?” Your fingers squeeze the phone as you try to hold back your tears. But your sniffle breaks the silence and you hear the voice on the other end speak softly. “___, what’s wrong baby?”

“He -” You begin before choking on the rest of your words.

“I’ll be over in a few, alright?” You nod, your breath quivering making it hard to talk. “Just hold on, I’m coming.”

It feels like hours have gone by when the doorbell sounds. Your head snaps up and you throw the pillow in your lap to the side to rush to the door. You stand on your tiptoes and look through the peephole to see that familiar face looking around in the nighttime. Before you realize it, you snatch the door open and immediately crash into his chest, the warm smell of sandalwood engulfs you.

“Taemin,” you whisper, your fingers gripping his shirt and pushing your face into his chest more.

The strength of your embrace causes him to stumble back before regaining his balance. His arms wrap around your shoulders, his hands softly rubbing your back before placing a kiss on the top of your head.

“Let’s go inside,” he takes your hand and leads you inside, closing the door behind him. His hand holds on tightly to yours as you lead him to the couch. He opens his mouth to speak before immediately closing it and gently guiding you to look at him. His eyes saddened at your puffy eyes and teary face. He concentrates on your face as he wipes away your tears with his thumb pads. “What happened, baby?”

It takes a moment for the night to replay in your head and you want to recount everything that happened, but all that came out was a measly answer interrupted with sniffles. “Hyukjae and I got into it and he left.”

“For good?”

You nod. “I told him to never come back and took - well more like he threw his copy of the key and told me he deserved better.”

“I told you you were wasting your time with that clown,” he says. “You need someone that can give you more than things, you need someone that can love you and show you how much they love you on an emotional level.” He pauses for a second and looks down towards you. “Someone like me.”

More tears begin to stream down your face as you try to suck in your sob.

“Let me hold you. Can I hold you?” Taemin softly asks. When you nod, he opens his arms and allows you to rest your head against his chest. A moment passes before he speaks again. “Feel better?”

You nod as your body melts into his. The comfort coming from Taemin helps your sob subside until all that was left was your uneven breathing. You begin to doze off between the sound of the light rain and Taemin’s heartbeat when you hear his voice whisper your name.

“It’s getting late,” he says. “I should get going. Will you be okay?”

The thought of Taemin leaving makes you clutch onto him tighter, protesting his decision to leave with a weak ‘no’.

“Please, don’t leave me.” You whisper. Hearing your voice so defeated makes you feel pathetic.

Too ashamed at your weakness, you avoid eye contact with Taemin though you can feel his eyes burning into you. You bite down on your quivering lip to hold back your sobs once more before you feel the tightness of his arms tightening around you. You slowly tilt your head up and watch Taemin’s eyes flutter shut as he begins to softly hum, his hands gently running up and down your arm.

“Relax.” He tells you with his eyes still closed. “I can feel you staring at me.” He then opens one and catches a glimpse of fear in your eyes. “I’ll be here when you wake.”

“Do you promise?”

“I promise,” he smiles and wraps his pinky finger around yours, and presses his lips against your forehead. “I’m here for you.”

Several seasons have come and gone, leaving behind fond memories and bridging hope for the future.

You sit in front of Taemin dressed in your pajama shorts and button-up short sleeve top. The storm hanging overhead casts the room with a dark hue of gray while the winds pick up. You smile to yourself at the memory of Taemin coming over to comfort you, sending butterflies in your stomach.

“What are you smiling ‘bout?” He reaches out, his fingertips brushing against your cheeks.

You hold onto his hand and press your cheek against his palm with a smile spreading across your face. “Just thinking about that night when I called you because Hyukjae and I fought.”

“I wasn’t going to let the girl I love be mistreated,” he sits up as you give him a weary smile. “What? Do you want me to show you how much I love you?”

The thought of Taemin’s skin against yours causes you to readjust your seated position. A mischievous smile pulls at the corners of his lips as he brings himself closer to you. He brings your hand to his mouth, tenderly kissing each fingertip before leaning forward to press his soft lips against your forehead. His lips leave a trail of kisses down the bridge of your nose before moving across your cheek and down your jawline until he reaches the tender spot in the crook of your neck.

Taemin lifts his head slowly and gazes into your eyes for a moment before pressing his lips against yours. “May I?” He asks, his fingers playing with the buttons of your top.

You nod and watch as his eyes travel down towards your chest. The cool air hardens your nipples as Taemin unbuttons the last button. The feeling of his fingertips gently tugging on them causes your breath to hitch. A smile appears on his face when he holds your breasts and fondles them, massaging them with care.

Taemin’s eyebrows furrow as he sharply gasps when you reach down and slip your hand down his sweatpants. Your fingers wrap around his shaft, slowly pumping it, leaving him yearning for more. You notice his eyes close for a moment before reopening them. You part your lips to speak but only a quiet whimper escapes as Taemin’s fingers sneak their way past your waistband to tease your slick slit. Your walls tighten when his thumb brushes against your clit.

The only desire occupying your mind is the one to make Taemin feel good, to show him how much you love and appreciate him.

You press your body forward until Taemin’s lying on the bed, his head resting on the pillows. Slowly, you remove his pajama pants to reveal his hardened cock. It twitches at the taste of freedom. Positioning yourself between his legs you look towards his cock, hesitating for a moment until you look towards Taemin’s face to see the glint of desire shimmering in his eyes. His desire becomes yours as you lean down and guide his cock into your mouth. He inhales sharply as your lips wrap around his shaft. You bob your head slowly, working your tongue to focus on his tongue whenever your head comes up. His hips buck as replace your mouth with your hand, quickly pumping it while you gently suck on his sack.

Your name is laced in a moan when it drips from Taemin’s lips. The tenderness of his whimpers causes you to moan in response. You use your free hand to travel towards your pussy where your wetness has spread, allowing your fingers to rub against your sensitive clit with ease.

Then, your mind begins to imagine his cock inside of you and the yearning for that imagination becomes all too much for you as you remove yourself from his body to his dismay, and remove your pajama shorts, tossing it to the side. With Taemin’s help, you straddle his waist, sitting enough for his cock to be pressed against his pelvis and between your lips. You rock your hips back and forth, slowly, heightening the built-up tension between the two of you. Then, you reach down and guide yourself down slowly on his cock, feeling every inch of him enter the protection of your walls. You stay still, allowing your walls to tighten against his shaft as your head tilts back slightly and you let out a soft breath. You take everything in - the presence of his cock, the tenderness of his fingers intertwined with yours, his sweet moans and flushed face where his eyes plead with you to move. Obliging, you begin to slowly bounce, much to his pleasure. His head pushes back on the pillow with his back slightly arching off the bed.

An eruption of moans erupts from you and Taemin when you begin to feverishly grind your hips back and forth. His hands drop to your thighs to press into them tenderly while your palms rest on each side of his chest to hold yourself steady. His chest rapidly rises and falls as he digs his heels into the bed to roll his hips into you.

Gazing down, you’re met with the loving gaze of Taemin and suddenly the butterflies reappear with such force you halt movement for a moment to lean down and passionately press your lips against his, your lips moving against each other in a feverish dance.

Taemin gently guides you on your side, holding one of your legs over his hip. His hand tenderly massages your ass cheek while he thrusts upwards, slow and deep. Your fingertips try to grip onto his glistening skin while your head tilts back slightly. His lips immediately press gentle kisses along the column of your throat, smiling against your skin at the vibrations of his name being moaned.

With his tip grazing your sweet spot, you feel yourself edging closer to the ledge of ecstasy. Your nails latch onto his skin as your back arches and toes curl while your walls begin to convulse. The overwhelming sensation causes your moans to grow louder until the knot in your stomach finally unravels, leaving your head to feel light with euphoria.

You come back to the present when Taemin presses his forehead against yours, loudly moaning your name as his hips rapidly snap into yours. The sound of your wetness and his deep groans fill the room just as thunder roars overhead. He quickly pulls out where his cock is met with your hand reaching down to quickly pump him. His grip on your ass tightens and his puffy lips part as he lets out a loud groan. His seed spills onto your inner thigh with his hips bucking with each spurt. Drained, he rests his head on the pillow, allowing himself time to come down from his high.

Autumn came in like a lion, its cold claws tearing into the city while its roar brings a ferocious wind. The gray clouds overhead roll like giant waves about to take over the city, blanketing every surface with a gray hue. Only the red, orange and yellow hues of the dying leaves provide color and life to the dull city.

Large raindrops begin to fall, splashing against the window into smaller drops. You barely crack a smile at the thought of nature crying along with you as you use the corner of a napkin to quickly wipe your tears.

“Why don’t you talk to Taemin about it?” Jongah asks before taking a bite from her blueberry muffin and wiping away the fallen crumbs from her shirt.

You scoff softly and roll your eyes. “And say what? Are you cheating on me?”

“Yes!”

“It’s not that easy,” you sigh, pushing your half-eaten omelet away. “I’m in love with him and I…” your voice trails off when tears sting your eyes.

Jongah reaches across the table and gently squeezes your hand, her eyebrows knitting together in concern over your falling tears. “Talk to him,” she gently whispers, encouragement lacing her tone. “I know you’re scared of heartbreak, but you’re allowed to know the truth.”

Each step you take towards your and Taemin’s shared apartment makes your stomach drop. Your fingertips nervously feel the grooves of your keys while your mind races through loops so fast that you’re not aware of the sounds of babies crying and arguments around you.

‘I can’t stand out here forever,’ you think before closing your eyes and jamming the key into the lock before slowly opening the door.

The living room is dimly lit with the TV providing the brightest light. You throw your jacket across the couch and look around for any signs of Taemin.

“Taemin?” You call out as you look in the kitchen and hall bathroom. You stop at your bedroom door, your hand resting on the knob. The thought of opening the door and potentially finding Taemin giving his love to someone else.

The thought causes you to shiver as you remember the day your world turned upside down. It all began the night Taemin came home from visiting his family.

A marathon of rom-coms has you glued to the TV while an array of snacks are spread before you. You could barely concentrate on the movie as you eagerly awaited the return of your loving Taemin, who's been away for a week visiting family overseas. You wanted to join him, but the increased demand of your job barely left you time for yourself or Taemin. You often felt guilty when you would come home and find Taemin asleep on the couch from trying to stay up late so he could welcome you home. But tonight, you managed to get the night off so you could be home to welcome him back with open eyes. You fixed his favorite meal and dessert for a night of relaxation.

The sound of the front door unlocking pulled your attention away from the screen. A wide smile spread across your face when a smiling Taemin stood in the doorway with the door closing behind him. He immediately dropped his bags and ran to you. His arms engulfed you in a warm embrace, lifting you off the ground while your lips kissed all over his face in between the whispers of ‘I missed you.’

He gently set you on the couch before he quickly pressed his lips against yours, moving them feverishly. No words needed to be said to acknowledge or understand the need for each other’s touch and warmth as you made love to each other on the couch. His sweet whispers of admiration, tender kisses, and touches sent you into euphoria, never wanting it to end.

The next morning began with a shared shower before Taemin offered to make breakfast. You decided to put away some of Taemin’s clothes from his bags when a gold tube of lipstick caught your eye. A smile appeared on your face when the tube glistened in the sun’s rays.

‘He shouldn’t have,’ you thought before taking the top off. Your smile soon faded when you noticed the lipstick has been used several times. Then, a faint smell of warm vanilla caught your attention, a scent you never wore.

The sound of your name being called stopped your train of thought. “Coming!” You tried your best to hide the shakiness in your voice.

You hurriedly placed the lipstick back in the bag and forced a smile before walking out of the room. Where his smile and laughter would’ve made your heart flutter, you couldn’t fight the hurt and confusion that haunted the back of your mind.

The memory feels like a punch in the gut as you try to even your breathing. Suddenly, that familiar vanilla scent taunts you before a voice has the chance to speak.

“___! How was brunch?” Taemin cheerily asks with a laundry basket under his arm. His face falls when you turn to him with teary eyes. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

When he takes a step towards you, the scent becomes poignant causing the tears to fall down your cheeks. When you flinch at his touch, his gaze saddens in confusion.

“Who is she?” You ask shakily after a moment of silence. Your throat burns from holding back your emotions and your cheeks grow warm from Taemin's question of ‘Who?’ “I found used lipstick that I never use, a vanilla perfume that I never wear,” you pause for a moment, swallowing before finally meeting his eyes. “Are you cheating on me?”

The question causes Taemin to blink at a loss for words. He stands in silence, his eyes blank with emotion. “I’m not,” he finally says, his voice barely above a whisper.

“I’m having a hard time believing that,” you say flatly.

“It’s not easy to explain,” he says before grabbing your hand and leading you to the couch.

You sit on the opposite side of the couch, unable to look in his direction. The silence begins to feel suffocating until Taemin sighs and shifts in his seat.

“The lipstick you found,” he begins, “is mine.” You scoff and roll your eyes to his displeasure. “I’m telling the truth, ___.”

You remain silent for a moment, searching for the words that seemed to have quickly vanished. “And why would you own lipstick?” You slowly ask.

Taemin inhales deeply, rubbing his hands together. “It’s the only way I can still feel her lips on mine.”

‘Her?’ You think. So many questions swarm your mind before Taemin speaks again.

“Revlon #015. I can still see her put it on, her eyebrows knitting together as she glides the tube across her lips and I can still feel the beating of my heart when she catches me watching her and rushes over to kiss me, leaving some on my lips.” He pauses for a moment, smiling at the memory. “She would leave kiss marks on her love letters and spray it with her favorite vanilla scent from Bath & Body Works.”

The anger that rose inside of you quickly turns to sadness - for Taemin because he’s still in love and has been grieving the loss of his ex-girlfriend, and for you, because you’ve come to realize that his heart didn’t belong just to you.

“There are things I don’t want to forget about her, things I just can’t forget,” he softly says, his true feelings finally now allowed to come out. “And I can’t allow myself to lead you on anymore. I’m still in love with her and I love you,” he trails before clearing his throat. “I can’t, I can’t hurt you anymore. I won’t allow myself to do that to you.”

You swallow your sobs that want to erupt from your core. A sad smile disappears as quickly as it came as you muster the strength to finally look at the young man you love. His bangs hide his tear-filled eyes as he quickly wipes his tears away. You begin to wonder if you somehow forced him to begin your relationship before he was truly ready.

“I’m sorry,” you say weakly, your eyes falling to the floor.

Taemin looks towards you and reaches out to squeeze your hand. “I can never forget you or your love, ___. That’s nothing to be sorry about.”

You take a shaky breath before squeezing his hand back. ‘So this is heartbreak,” you think as you sit in silence, hands still intertwined. ‘They were right, it always gets you.’

A year has gone by since you’ve last seen or talked to Taemin. Every now and then you got the urge to contact him just so you could hear his voice, but that would’ve made the wound hurt more. Jongah was more than welcoming when she opened her apartment to you, even helping you move your things from your old apartment. For months, you lay awake thinking of Taemin and the memories you shared and the last hug you shared before you walked away, never to return.

It wasn’t until Jongah introduced you to her friend, Taehyun, that you thought about dating. When you met Taehyun, thoughts of Taemin no longer overshadowed your thoughts. Taehyun was like Taemin in his gentle ways, but you could see the unwavering look of admiration in his eyes when you were together and feel the excitement of being in your presence. With him, you felt your heart begin to be slowly repaired as he took everything slowly and did his best to comfort you and gain your trust.

The crisp autumn air causes you to shiver as you walk with Taehyun to your favorite lunch spot.

“Cold?” He asks. Wrapping his arm around you before you have the chance to answer.

The warmth radiating from his body pulls you closer. The changing leaves catch your eye as you watch one gracefully fall to the ground. A gentle bump against your shoulder makes you glance up.

“I’m so sorry,” you turn and begin to say. Your eyes widen when you see a familiar face. “Taemin?”

Taemin lifts his head enough for you to see his eyes from under his hood. A warm smile spreads across his face. “___,” he says before looking towards Taehyun.

“This is Taehyun,” you smile. The two young men shake hands bringing warmth to your heart. When Taemin inquisitively raises his eyebrows, you eagerly nod.

“You make sure you treat her right,” Taemin says, his tone stern. “She deserves the best.”

Taemin’s gaze brings a smile to your face. “It was nice seeing you.”

Taemin smiles, “Yeah, you too.”

Not knowing the right words to say, you bid him a farewell nod before grabbing Taehyun’s hand and continuing down the sidewalk. You refuse to look back as you cross the crosswalk.