apathetic

but he doesn’t let his mind wander too much, instead he yawns and tightens the grip he has on taemin’s waist, as though if he were to loosen it, taemin, along with his warmth, would run away.

jongdae is actually really hot, taemin suddenly realizes. not like the attractive kind -- though he's that too -- but the temperature kind of hot. there's heat radiating from both of their bodies, making taemin sweat even more than he was already. he squirms a little, trying to get away from the other but also not because he knows if he does jongdae will get upset. after a few seconds he decides staying cool would take too much effort, so he goes still again, his fingers idly exploring the skin of jongdae's back.

the other is really thin and bony, and his shoulders are digging uncomfortably into taemin's chest. even after all of his shifting from before, he can't find a position where jongdae's shoulders aren't hurting him, so he just gives up and instead thinks about other things.

jongdae always acts different after they fuck. taemin's not stupid: he was able to notice fairly quickly that after jongin left last year or however long ago it was, jongdae started acting differently toward taemin. he became more cold, more distant, and taemin soon felt as if they had never been friends at all, even though he had grown up thinking of the other pretty much as his brother. but ever since they started doing this, jongdae's begun to return to how he acted before, though only after sex. taemin's found he doesn't really mind that bit; he'll have sex with jongdae as many times as he can (because honestly jongdae is pretty damn awesome in bed), though on top of the pleasure he actually enjoys being treated like jongdae's friend again.

{ ... }

over the years, he's found things to do when he's bored. they don't cure the boredom itself -- sometimes he thinks it's impossible not to be bored, and that he'll just live his life being eternally bored. though, honestly, he doesn't really think it would matter all that much, since mixed in with the boredom is always a veil of apathy, so he doesn't care what happens to his life anyway. that, in fact, can be a good quality in a gang member; he could die at any moment, but it's not like he was going anywhere in life anyway.

one of the things he started doing to help his boredom is to just wander around. he has the ability to just shut his mind down while he's awake, though he doesn't fall unconscious or seem like he's sleepwalking. he's still mostly aware of his surroundings and what he's doing, but he simply turns off his thoughts like a light. when he told a few fellow members of lotus about it, most of them found it weird, but a couple of them joked that it's because taemin has so few thoughts that it's not strange for him to just tune them out.

(he didn't really care enough to tell them that he doesn't just tune out the thoughts: he turns them off completely, meaning that he can go through periods of not thinking at all.)

when he "wakes up" from one of those "episodes," as taemin's motherly figure used to call them, he finds himself lying down on the ground between a rock and some kind of dirt wall. he's reminded of that saying about a rock and a hard place, but he doesn't care enough to muster the energy to actually think about what it could mean.

looking up, he sees what appears to be a female figure standing on top of the rock, and taemin wonders if he can shout loudly enough to scare her and cause her to fall off.

it had started off with jongdae’s gaze meeting taemin’s whilst he was seated at the back of the usual black lotus hang out. sparked off when jongdae shamelessly walked over towards the other male, hands finding their way towards the curve of his assets and eyes easily readable. and it escalated to the both of them dragging each other into one of the usual rooms, jongdae’s breath hot and heavy against taemin’s skin as they forcefully tore each piece of clothing off each other.

bed creaking, sinful noises leaving their lips as they touched each other shamelessly in a way that wasn’t at all foreign. "fuck fuck fuck—" the only word that constantly left his lips as he took in the pleasure of it all. the way taemin had felt against him, how he had felt when the both of them climaxed messily onto the sheets before falling back onto the bed, breathing heavy and body still sensitive. 

it was a simple way to distress. they fuck and never speak about it. jongdae was okay with that — honestly, it was much more simpler than getting into the nitty gritty unwanted detail of it all.

"hey, come closer," he whined, reaching out for the other male, arm draping around taemin’s waist as he pulled himself closer, nuzzling into his neck. perhaps the only time when jongdae would let his guard down and rid off his cold boy exterior was after sex. the rarest of moments found in the way he would curl up against his partner and like a normal boy, fall into a routine of cuddling.

within five minutes, their clothes are off and they're naked on the bed, touching and kissing and biting each other wherever they can reach. soon enough, it escalates to the main event, with both of them groaning and shouting incoherently at each other until they both climaxed, further staining the sheets that were already ruined, both from their own escapades and just years of disuse.

taemin pulls out and collapses on the creaky, lumpy mattress next to jongdae. he's panting, his eyes closed. he's already half-asleep when an arm slips around his waist, a head nuzzling into his still-oversensitive neck. he feels chills go through his body at the sensation, but he ignores them in favor of rolling his eyes.

"oh yeah, i forgot. you're a cuddler," he says, but he rolls onto his side anyway, wrapping his own arm around jongdae's naked frame and pulling him closer. he has to admit that it is warmer this way, and while he doesn't really care much about whether they cuddle or not, he's definitely more comfortable with the warmth radiating from the other's body.

one of life’s simple pleasures that even begrudgingly trained killers can appreciate is coffee and the atmosphere of the shops that serve it, so it’s not uncommon to find him in small cafes around the city. this one is his favorite, because it’s just the perfect combination of out of the way and close to his apartment in syndicate territory. he stands in line, puzzling over whether to spend part of his hard-earned paycheck on some kind of caramel late or more traditional coffee, when someone collides with him, and he stumbles out of line a bit, more confused than he is agitated.

for the first time in days or possibly weeks, taemin actually feels something. he remembers the years of his his childhood when he and jongin and jongdae would spend their days together, hanging out and just generally messing with people around the black lotus headquarters. he remembers when jongin's mother died, and he had to leave and jongdae began to be cold and distant with taemin. his heart clenches, and he doesn't know what that means, but he decides to ignore it and instead smiles at his friend.

[ ✉ → other in ] hahaahha wait shit i’m meeting you to bring you the book and i don’t have it yet give me like a half hour to go buy it

[ ✉ → other in ] i know you put pants on for me and everything but i formally request your patience

[ sms to: twin ] cause i know you'll appreciate the effort

[ ✉ → other in ] i didn’t say now? i mean…whenever…i’m free now but i know you’re probably too lazy to even put on pants let alone leave the house right now so

[ ✉ → other in ] wow i was right

[ sms to: twin ] i'll fucking meet you okay

[ sms to: twin ] you have to buy me food though

[ sms to: twin ] see look ive got pants on now Attached: IMG_1407181342

[ ✉ → other in ] i’m laughing shut the fuck up nobody asked for your sarcasm

[ ✉ → other in ] of course you’re sure we’ll be fine you literally never think anything through. vanguard though ew, let’s meet somewhere in neutral territory, as long as we don’t break any laws nobody will bother us. it’ll be nice to pretend to be normal for a little while anyway

[ sms to: twin ] wait you mean you wanna meet now???

[ sms to: twin ] im kind of not wearing pants so this might cause a problem

[ ✉ → other in ] yeah but if anybody from black lotus sees us you’ll get shot for being seen with me haha…i’m a traitor to the name, you know. i’m surprised they didn’t treat you different just for being friends with me…

[ sms to: twin ] oh wow...i could get SHOT? maybe we shouldn't do this...i'm terrified of guns...

[ ✉ → other in ] okay fine i can’t be friends with someone who hasn’t read the FIRST HARRY POTTER BOOK so this works out

[ sms to: twin ] and as long as we're alone...we can meet there without being shot!!! most likely

[ ✉ → other in ] i don’t know i like keeping busy and feeling like i contribute to society even though i technically go against everything it stands for it’s not that bad

[ ✉ → other in ] wow no shit!!

[ ✉ → other in ] haahahahaha oh my god

[ ✉ → other in ] hahahaha

[ sms to: twin ] so basically you don't think i'm smart

[ sms to: twin ] wow maybe we shouldn't be friends if youre just gonna make fun of me

[ ✉ → other in ] do you ever think about that though? like…the fact that we were born into this and that if we had any other family, we would live a normal life and we wouldn’t even know half of the shit we see ever day existed? i just think about like…murder is nothing to us now and people we know disappear every day and we don’t even bat an eyelash because it’s just normal for us, and it’s not for anybody else

[ ✉ → other in ] i don’t know what i’m talking about ignore me

[ ✉ → other in ] i actually have four jobs technically apparently i really like being a contributing member of society

[ ✉ → other in ] what???? a book??? reading??? reading!! who am i even speaking to right now did a member of syndicate hack into your phone

[ sms to: twin ] wow four jobs youre even crazier than i thought

[ sms to: twin ] did you know....that you dont have to be syndicate....to be intelligent??? people who arent in syndicate read too!!!

[ sms to: twin ] seriously dude you don't automatically become dumb just because youre not in syndicate